- 22 hours ago
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00:01I did turn left.
00:03I distinctly told you to turn left.
00:05That's why I turn left. I'm no fool.
00:08It's easier to be lost than disobedient.
00:11And Richard, I hope the entire weekend isn't going to be spoiled by your rebellious manner.
00:16Rebellious? It's hardly mutiny on the boaty.
00:20You silly, dear.
00:24Ah.
00:26There you are, you see?
00:28I knew it was left.
00:30I never doubted it for a moat.
00:36It's so long since I played golf.
00:38Hmm?
00:39I said it's so long since I played golf.
00:42I hope you're not going to let the major down.
00:45It's very kind of the major and his wife to suggest that we join them for the weekend.
00:52It means that we're socially upwardly mobile, dear.
00:56Until he sees how I play golf.
00:59Haven't you been practicing?
01:01I don't like golf.
01:06That's very selfish.
01:14Oh, look!
01:16There's the major's little two-seater.
01:18Isn't there something a trifle odd about elderly men in two-seaters?
01:22I wouldn't call the major elderly, dear.
01:25He's our age.
01:26Thank you, Richard.
01:28I can see it's going to be a memorable weekend.
01:31All I meant was is we're not getting any younger.
01:35Richard, keep your voice down, dear.
01:37I shall prefer it if you are.
01:40You will be careful with the luggage.
01:41It's part of a very expensive matching set.
01:45Yes, madam.
01:51Oh, yes, I like the ambience.
01:54It's more baronial than hotels.
01:57Major's wife and I will be quite happy here.
02:02Good morning.
02:03Good morning.
02:05Ring the bell, Richard.
02:15Can I help you?
02:17Mr. and Mrs. Richard Bouquet, we have a reservation.
02:22What was the name again, please?
02:23Bouquet.
02:25That's spelled B-U-C-K-E-T.
02:29Oh, bucket.
02:31Oh, yes, we have a bucket.
02:34Pronounced Bouquet, dear.
02:35If you'll just fill in the form, please.
02:44Do be careful with the luggage.
02:48Do be careful with the luggage.
02:49It's part of a very expensive matching set.
02:54What does she think it is?
02:55Alligator?
02:56Alligator?
02:57For her, that would be a matching set.
03:01Would you kindly inform the Major and Mrs. Wilton-Smire
03:05that we have arrived?
03:06The Major and Mrs. Wilton-Smire.
03:08Yes, they're friends.
03:09We're here for a weekend break together.
03:11But I'm afraid the Major's here alone.
03:13Oh?
03:14He's not travelling with his wife.
03:16Oh, that's strange.
03:17Do hope she's not ill, dear.
03:20Still, I'm sure if she is,
03:22they're medically very well covered.
03:32There we are, madam.
03:34Oh, yes, it's quite nice.
03:38I'll just put the bucket over there, sir.
03:39Uh, fine.
03:40Fine.
03:44Oh, yes, we've got to get lost
03:47as we've got you at the hotel.
03:49Anything else, sir?
03:50No, thanks.
03:51Special key.
03:53Oh, thank you, sir.
03:55And...
03:58I hope you have a pleasant stay.
04:04Oh, Major.
04:05All alone.
04:07And what are you going to do
04:08while we're golfing?
04:09Oh, I shall lounge and luxuriate
04:12and weed my dame Barbara Cartland.
04:16And get somebody up here
04:17to wipe these windows.
04:26And don't forget the key,
04:27will you, dear?
04:31Oh, come on.
04:33Let me snap that suspender.
04:37I'm joking.
04:38Oh!
04:41Doesn't sound as if he's here
04:43for the golf, either.
04:50Richard.
04:53Look in the register.
04:54See who's in room 210.
04:57Then you said cry.
04:59How can I give them
05:00a disapproving look
05:00if I don't know who they are?
05:02Go on.
05:03If I suppose somebody comes,
05:04I'll feel like
05:05shoots the master spine.
05:07You are looking
05:07for the Major's Room.
05:09If while you are looking
05:10for the Major's Room,
05:11your eye happens to note
05:12who is in room 210.
05:14Now, let's see.
05:17What are the cultural options
05:19for the golfing widow
05:19this weekend?
05:20Well, if I might suggest
05:22one option,
05:23you could do the golfing
05:24and I'll be the widow.
05:25Don't be silly, dear.
05:27You'll enjoy playing
05:28with the Major.
05:29I must remember that.
05:33Well,
05:34who's in room 210?
05:36The Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
05:38And Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
05:40No, don't.
05:41Please don't.
05:42Please don't.
05:47Oh, this is better.
05:49These people look
05:49more our sort.
05:51How can you tell?
05:53They're reading
05:54full-size newspapers.
05:56I would never strike up
05:58a conversation with anybody
05:59who reads the tabloids.
06:01Now, you run along, dear,
06:02and find the Major.
06:03I shall be perfectly
06:05all right here.
06:06Right.
06:09Good morning.
06:09Good morning.
06:15Good morning.
06:16Good morning.
06:17Good morning.
06:41Good morning.
06:42Good morning.
06:45I don't know.
07:15I don't know.
07:46I don't know.
07:47I don't know.
08:02I don't know.
08:10I thought my husband would have been back by now.
08:14He's gone off to fetch his friend, the major.
08:19They're golfing together, my husband and the major.
08:25My husband allows himself occasional breaks from his enormous responsibilities with one of the larger local authorities.
08:34Though he does get a great deal of mental satisfaction from the knowledge that our son Sheridan is doing so
08:40well at university.
08:42Have you been here long?
08:44Have you been here long?
09:11I hope so.
09:13Noises like that can be very disconcerting for a considerate husband like mine.
09:20Mr. and Mrs. Smith, indeed.
09:23One wonders where these people come from.
09:29Will you stop it?
09:31I've rarely known anybody quite as mischievous as you.
09:36Now, that's my Sheridan at 14 with his music diploma.
09:41And this is the house that we lived in then.
09:44Of course, we've moved to a much larger one now, in a very exclusive area.
09:50Richard loves to garden, you know.
09:52He loves to garden when he's not golfing with the major.
09:54Not that he only plays with majors, of course.
09:57After all, we're democratic to the core.
10:02But then, naturally, one prefers one's own kind.
10:06Oh, here's my Sheridan shrimping with his daddy in 1979.
10:14Good morning, sir.
10:27Ah, there you are, Bucket.
10:29Actually, Major, it's pronounced...
10:31What?
10:32Nothing.
10:33Look, about the golf.
10:34Yes, the golf.
10:35Yes, I'm afraid I can't make it.
10:37I've got this damn dicky leg.
10:39There's still some poxy foreign lead in it somewhere.
10:42Praise me up occasionally.
10:45Have to thrash the damn thing, you know.
10:47Now, about this golf.
10:48I've arranged for you to have a round with old Porky Hooteny.
10:50Damn nice fellow.
10:51He'll be waiting for you up at the clubhouse.
10:53Now, you've got the name?
10:54Er, Porky Hooteny?
10:55That's right.
10:56You like old Porky.
11:00Just keep an eye on his scoring, that's all.
11:01Listen, I'm really not bothered about the golf.
11:04Not bothered?
11:04Good God, man, don't say that out loud.
11:06Not round here.
11:06No, you'll enjoy it with old Porky.
11:08Take a hip flask with you.
11:10He likes a partner to have a hip flask.
11:11Off you go now.
11:12Porky's waiting.
11:13I haven't got a hip flask.
11:14Well, shove a bottle in your bag, old boy.
11:17Chop, chop.
11:17Chop, chop, chop, chop.
11:33Gov.
11:34Your Rose didn't take any clubs.
11:37I don't think she'd need any clubs.
11:40It's a bit pricey.
11:43She's not paying, is she?
11:45Do you think we'll have time for the bevy before we take her home?
11:48I don't see why not.
11:50It's an hotel that says open to non-residents.
11:54Just one bevy on account that I'm driving.
11:57Unless your Rose is going to drive, and then I could have a few.
12:04You'll probably have to put on a jacket.
12:08Rubbish.
12:09Have you seen what golfers wear?
12:11It's anything gold's in golfing work.
12:17Good morning.
12:23Ah, Mrs. Bucket.
12:25Mrs. Buckey.
12:26Can I help you?
12:28I wish the towels in my room to be replaced, please.
12:32Oh, is there something wrong?
12:33Well, your towels are rather hard and knotty, you see.
12:36Possibly not for those of coarser skin.
12:38But if I dried myself on them, I'd probably lose an entire layer of my epidermis.
12:44I should appreciate it if you could find me something softer.
12:48Certainly, madam.
12:49This is not just a whim.
12:50I have an unblemished reputation at home for the quality of my bathroom linen.
12:55I'm sure you have, madam.
12:56It is one of the attractions of my candlelight suppers
12:59that our guests are able to take a peek at the quality of my bathroom linen.
13:04I'll see what I can do for you, Mrs. Buckey.
13:08Good.
13:09Oh, and if at the same time you could get somebody up there to wipe the window in my room,
13:14it looks as though something's been squashed on it.
13:17We'll see to that for you, Mrs. Buckey.
13:19Thank you, dear.
13:20I do like things to be just so.
13:23It's not that I'm fussy, of course.
13:27Where did your rules find a bloke that could afford to bring her to places like this?
13:31If I hadn't stayed faithful,
13:34maybe I could have found a bloke who could have afforded to bring me to places like this.
13:42No, I bet it needs more than just being unfaithful.
13:47The kind of place that makes you think maybe you should have had a shave.
13:52I think you should.
13:53I think you should have had a shave.
13:56On the other hand, the thing is to act natural.
13:58Be yourself.
13:59Always be yourself.
14:01If people can't penetrate unimportant service issues,
14:04they're never going to appreciate your fundamental qualities anyway.
14:07What fundamental qualities?
14:10And calm in a crisis.
14:13That's a fundamental quality.
14:16Only because you're too bone-idled to rush about in a panic.
14:22Well, are we going in or not?
14:26I want to finish me ciggy.
14:29Oh, I've been meaning to ask you.
14:35Is your skin of a sensitive nature?
14:38Are you satisfied with the quality of the bathroom linen here?
14:43Would you like me to organise softer towels for you?
14:47Well, actually, we were just going for a walk round the garden.
14:50Oh, yes, that's right.
14:51The garden.
14:52We often go and have a look round the grounds.
14:54So, perhaps we'll see you later.
14:57Oh, what a shame.
14:57Just as we were beginning to enjoy ourselves.
15:00Wait a minute.
15:01Why don't I come with you?
15:04No.
15:05No.
15:06There's no need to interrupt your plans.
15:08Oh, but I should love to stroll around the grounds with you.
15:12Really?
15:12Oh, yes.
15:13To me, horticulture at its highest is like music.
15:18Except for the manure, of course.
15:25The grounds look lovely from our bedroom window.
15:28You must show me all the points of interest.
15:32All of them?
15:34Put in just a few?
15:35I wouldn't dream of missing a single one.
15:40You might find it rather tiring.
15:42Oh, in the appreciation of nature, you'll find me tireless.
15:47It's a well-known fact, of course,
15:49that the love of a garden is indicative of one's social standing,
15:53as I'm sure you'll agree.
16:01I always make notes, of course.
16:05I'll make some for you, if you like.
16:34Change the towels now, while there's no one in the room.
16:36Before she finds something else to squawk about.
16:39Oh, you've not seen her yet.
16:41Lucky you.
16:44Oh, Mrs. Bouquet, I've just asked.
16:57Rose!
16:58Hi, I see!
17:04Rose!
17:05We must speak, Rose!
17:07What do you want?
17:09Ah, the delectable Mrs. Bucket!
17:11Nothing!
17:13Oh, Major, I'm nice to see you.
17:15I say, lively couple in there,
17:18judging by the noises off.
17:19Do you know these people?
17:20Hardly.
17:21Thought nox.
17:21Oh, no.
17:22I say, mind yourself, our champion.
17:24It's lovely, actually.
17:25Get in!
17:27What happened to a dolphin, Major?
17:29Ah, spot of bother with the jolly old knee.
17:33What are you doing?
17:34I don't wish to discuss that with a perfect stranger.
17:40Riff-raff.
17:52Riff-raff.
17:56It's in the holiday spirit, are we, old chap?
17:59What were you doing with that girl?
18:01I wasn't doing anything with her.
18:03I'm just about to have a bath before changing,
18:05and I surprised her.
18:07I'm not surprised.
18:09It's dead, I'm wiggly, sir, boy.
18:11I'm just about to invite your good lady for a little drinky.
18:13Yes, it's very, very kind of you, Major,
18:15and I could do with a drink.
18:16But not downstairs.
18:17There are too many strange people about you.
18:19So, well, I know just the place.
18:21Yes.
18:21I'll meet you in the car park in ten minutes?
18:22Yes, well, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try.
18:25Richard, Onslow's here.
18:28Why is Onslow here?
18:29Because Rose is here.
18:30He's come to take her home.
18:32Has Rose been staying here?
18:33In room 210.
18:38I must keep them away from the Major.
18:40They'll only make fun of his leg.
18:43Personally, I'd rather be with Onslow than go golfing.
18:46The Major's put me in with a complete stranger.
18:48Somebody called Porky Hooten.
18:51Porky Hooten?
18:53Oh, that's very public school.
18:55Porky Hooten.
18:57You must wear something striking, Richard,
18:59to make an impression.
19:00What I was going to wear?
19:00No, I'll advise you what to wear, dear.
19:03I mean, this man is probably connected closely
19:05with the aristocracy.
19:06He may even have a title.
19:08They do, you know, with names like Porky Hooten.
19:12The one thing they can't bear is timidity.
19:15Now you must make every effort, Richard,
19:17to stun him with your personality.
19:19If you get it, I'll come back to me.
19:28If you get it.
19:30If you get it.
19:32I'll make it.
19:32Well, I'll make it.
19:54Oh, there she is, the minx.
19:58Come in there, Jeff.
20:00Good, she's attractive in a weird sort of way.
20:05What's our harsinth doing here?
20:07I don't know what she's doing here.
20:09All I know is I don't bring my friend downstairs in case she's lurking about.
20:13You know what she's like?
20:14She's liable to cause a scene.
20:19Would you put that on room 210?
20:21Very good, madam.
20:23What's these?
20:24Just a few biscuits, sir.
20:26I've got a long drive.
20:27What about a bacon butty?
20:30I'm afraid at this time of day it's just coffee and biscuits, sir.
20:34Oh, chuff me.
20:37What have you been living on all weekend, R. Rose?
20:40Don't ask.
20:42I wonder if it's safe to bring my friend downstairs now.
20:45To get stuck into these biscuits?
20:47Another one to get stuck into all these five little biscuits?
20:51Oh, nice.
21:03Oh, yes, I will.
21:11Are you ready for me to spin, are we?
21:14Anywhere, Major.
21:15Just take me away from here.
21:18That's the thingy.
21:19Oh!
21:27Oh!
21:28Oh!
21:31Oh!
21:38Oh!
21:39Oh!
21:48Oh!
21:51Oh!
21:51Oh!
21:52Oh!
21:52Oh!
21:54Oh!
21:55Oh!
21:56Oh!
21:56Oh!
21:57Oh!
22:07Alone at love.
22:09What are you doing, Major?
22:11David, can't you tell?
22:13Now, Major.
22:14Here and now, if you like.
22:17I must be getting back.
22:23Listen, I believe I hear a lunatic.
22:26God, you know just how to inflame a chaff.
22:31I'm a member of the Choral Society.
22:34Mature, naturedly ladies have always been my problem.
22:49Even as a gang man oversees, my colleagues are all chasing after delicious little...
22:54But I was captivated by the Governor's wife.
22:57She was built to last, but I loved her.
23:03You must stop, Major.
23:05If my Sheridan were here, he'd be appalled.
23:18She really does remind me of the Governor's wife.
23:21Dammit, I've scared her.
23:23The little flower.
23:24I love you, Mrs. Bucket.
23:26Ditch the cake!
23:29Come back!
23:38I thought your Rose was ready.
23:41She's just saying goodbye.
23:43I hope it's not one of her long goodbyes.
23:45If it's one of your Rose's long goodbyes, we'll be here all afternoon.
23:49I remember when we used to have long goodbyes.
23:52Back at the bus shelter in Garibaldi Street.
23:56Yes, I remember.
23:57We missed a fizzing bus, didn't we?
24:04What the heck?
24:09What a rough guess.
24:11I'd say she'd be lulled by a bear.
24:15How can our house look like she's been lulled by a bear?
24:18That's more like Rose.
24:49You're absolutely right.
24:51They are beautiful grounds.
24:54A little overgrown in places.
24:57Yes.
25:22What's happened to you?
25:25Typical.
25:26Men expect you to look your best at every moment.
25:30Now go home, Richard.
25:33No golf?
25:34No.
25:36Just when you think there's no compassion in the universe.
25:41Richard.
25:42But why are we going home?
25:43What have you done to yourself?
25:44What do you mean, what have I done to myself?
25:47I've just been making a few horticultural notes.
26:03Poor old Major.
26:04He was wounded.
26:05Some were east of Suez.
26:07I'm not surprised.
26:12Though he didn't pay me a great compliment,
26:16apparently I remind him of the governor's wife.