- 14 hours ago
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00:08You're quite sure my milk went into a clean bottle?
00:17Very good. I do like a milkman with clean fingernails.
00:22You may bring an extra yogurt tomorrow. You see how cleanliness pays.
00:26An extra yogurt. Wow. What flavour?
00:30Surprise me. I'd love to.
00:36There's that dreadful dog again. He's always coming into my garden and making gestures.
00:42I can understand that.
00:50Just a minute. Where are you going, Richard?
00:53You won't have the roses deadheading. Aren't we forgetting something?
00:57I kissed you good morning. Didn't I kiss you good morning?
00:59It's not that, dear. You're not wearing a tie.
01:06I'm going to deadhead the roses.
01:08I will not have you standing out in the street half-dressed.
01:11We have a social position to maintain.
01:17Good morning, Elizabeth.
01:19Oh, good morning, Marjorie.
01:21Good morning, Phyllis.
01:22Shall you be coming later?
01:24To the church hall?
01:25Oh, yes.
01:26Expect I shall be coming with Hyacinth.
01:29How do you manage to live next door to Hyacinth?
01:32Oh, you get used to it.
01:33I think that's terrible.
01:35Fancy having to get used to it.
01:38I can't stand her.
01:39She once invited me to one of her candlelight suppers.
01:42Oh, then.
01:43You get used to them, too.
01:45You poor thing.
01:46Absolutely can't stand her.
01:49If that door opened now, I'd hide.
01:51You get used to doing that, too.
01:55You see?
01:57That's better.
01:59I feel a bit overdressed.
02:01I will not have you out there gardening with your shirts wide open.
02:05The next thing you know, you'll be looking like Onslow.
02:08Sometimes you have to admire Onslow's relaxed attitude to life.
02:12Onslow's idea of what to do with a garden is to abandon an old car in it.
02:16But he enjoys life.
02:17Exactly.
02:18What kind of a responsibility is that?
02:21Well, I'll be off, then.
02:25Wipe your feet before you come back in, dear.
02:27Right.
02:28Got that.
02:42Come on, ladies.
02:44Have you lost something?
02:46No!
02:48Yes!
02:52Worm?
02:53We thought we saw a worm.
02:57It seemed a very unusual sort of worm.
03:00Very?
03:01Well, I can't stand here all day.
03:16Oh, it's you, Onslow. How are you?
03:19You needn't go into detail.
03:21This is merely an inquiry after your general health.
03:25I'm sorry you have a mosquito bite.
03:28But its exact location is really no business of mine, despite our being related through marriage.
03:34Yes, Onslow, I'm sure that most people wonder how you managed to get bitten there.
03:40That's not the kind of speculation I care to pursue.
03:44Thank you, Onslow.
03:46That's enough of the coarse remarks.
03:47I wish to converse with my sister.
03:51Daisy, good morning, dear.
03:53What was Onslow wearing?
03:56Oh, I hate talking to Onslow when he's only wearing a vest.
04:03No wonder he gets mosquito bites in odd places.
04:06But how's daddy?
04:08Heavily sedated, good.
04:11I think it's best, don't you?
04:14It suits him, bless him.
04:17Sometimes I think it might suit Onslow.
04:20Now, why I'm calling, Daisy, is that I shan't be able to visit today after all.
04:26By popular demand, I've been invited to take charge of things at the ladies' circle.
04:32Yes.
04:33We're having a visiting speaker.
04:35And they need me there to give things a little style and polish.
04:39I couldn't miss it.
04:40They wouldn't allow it.
04:41They rely on me totally.
04:51All alone, Richard?
04:52At the moment, yes.
04:54Hyacinth indoors, is she?
04:57Not a bad morning?
04:59No, very pleasant.
05:00Coffee, Elizabeth.
05:05Eh...
05:06Damn shoelaces.
05:08Listen, I must be going.
05:14Did I hear a summons to coffee?
05:17Yes.
05:18You'd better go.
05:25Ah, Elizabeth!
05:26Yes?
05:28Coffee?
05:30Oh, yes, of course.
05:33The back door, dear.
05:38Oh!
05:40Oh!
05:48Oh, there you are, dear.
05:50Of course, if you hadn't been gardening, you could have come in at the front.
05:54I had changed my shoes and washed my hands.
05:57What I always do when I've been gardening is change my shoes and wash my hands.
06:02Do sit down, Elizabeth. Make yourself at home.
06:05No, not there, dear. I like to face the window.
06:07No.
06:09I thought you'd be happier with a beaker rather than with my delicate hand-painted china.
06:14You're right.
06:16For some reason, I'm always a bundle of nerves when I'm in your home.
06:20I can't imagine why, dear.
06:21You should have more confidence in yourself.
06:23Well, I do try.
06:24I'm sure you do, dear, but it can't be easy when you're all thumbs.
06:29LAUGHTER
06:52Have you told Onzo yet?
06:55Twice.
06:55What'd he say?
06:57I don't think he was listening.
06:59Are you going to tell him?
07:00I'm going to tell him!
07:03Come on, then. In he come.
07:05Come on, come on.
07:06Come in. Come on.
07:10Oh, come on!
07:12Shut up, you!
07:13Come on, then.
07:16On Monday, and wearing another hat, Michael Allen,
07:19accepted a cheque for £1,300 from Paul and Carol Elliot,
07:22who had two former stable employees...
07:26Onslow?
07:27Yeah?
07:28I've got something to tell you, Onslow.
07:30Hang on, they're nearly off.
07:33I'm in love, Onslow, with a 17-year-old.
07:35It's got a good chance, this.
07:37I've got two quid on me.
07:40Onslow, I'm trying to tell you,
07:42your wife is in love with a 17-year-old.
07:45Late bedding news is the rival...
07:47That's disgusting, that is.
07:50Interrupting a bloke's prime-time viewing.
07:54Anybody we know?
08:06I thought he belonged to Rose.
08:09He did, but they found they weren't compatible.
08:12Oh, he's nice enough, we just weren't compatible.
08:15How old is he?
08:17Seventeen.
08:18Is he old enough to smoke?
08:26Oh, Tart.
08:28Oh, cheers.
08:32Do you think you can keep him interested
08:33until he's old enough to drink?
08:37Oh, no, look, I've missed it now.
08:39Why don't you just fog off and let me watch the replay?
08:54I don't intend to make a big issue of it.
08:57I'd rather it became clear gradually
08:59that I've brought my own delicate and painted china
09:02for the benefit of the guest speaker,
09:03myself and other prominent members.
09:09Yes.
09:14Have you seen the goof?
09:15It's worse than that.
09:17Hierson!
09:21Now, you will be careful with my china, Richard.
09:27I will if I can see.
09:33Oh, no, don't ask me to carry your best china, Hyacinth.
09:36I can't bear the responsibility.
09:38You'll have no problem, dear.
09:40I shall open every door for you.
09:56Ah! Vicar!
10:00Just the man I want to see.
10:02Hello, Mrs Bucket.
10:04Okay.
10:07A little word with you in private, Vicar.
10:10For the benefit of the top table and the guest speaker,
10:13I've brought along my own delicate hand-painted china.
10:18She was going to open every door.
10:22Thank you, Vicar.
10:24It's very quiet here.
10:25There don't seem to be many people about.
10:27No.
10:27Please, excuse me.
10:29Oh!
10:30Do be careful, Elizabeth.
10:32That was a gift from someone very dear to me.
10:35Richard bought it.
10:36No, not Richard.
10:38It was a gift from Sheridan to his mummy.
10:40Then I paid the bill.
10:42Well, you couldn't expect a schoolboy to afford things like this.
10:45Now, put them safely on that table, dears.
10:48Vicar, what time is our guest speaker arriving?
10:54Oh, dear.
10:55I forgot the sausage rolls.
10:58Oh, dear.
11:00I forgot the sausage rolls.
11:10Well, there should be somebody here.
11:12There's food on the table.
11:13Of a rather unimaginative variety, it must be said.
11:17I think it needs a smidgen of my own cuisine.
11:20Richard, bring my accoutrements through, will you, dear?
11:24Well, this'll be the principal buffet table, of course.
11:27Well, I must be getting on, Mrs Bucket.
11:30OK.
11:32I'll catch you later, Vicar, and fill you in on Sheridan's progress at university.
11:36Oh, good.
11:38He's doing brilliantly well, you know.
11:40His tutors all forecast astonishing things for him.
11:46Just put them down there, dear. They should be quite safe.
11:49Now, I'd better try and bring a little style and polish to this food.
11:55I shall need some extra people for the unskilled jobs.
11:59Receptive people who are willing to watch and learn.
12:01Elizabeth, come here, dear.
12:04While Richard is guarding my china,
12:07will you go and round me up a few willing helpers?
12:10What if they won't come, Hyacinth?
12:12What do you mean, won't come?
12:13Just tell them who it's for, dear.
12:18It hasn't worked.
12:20You don't know that.
12:22Well, look at him.
12:23Does he look jealous?
12:26Maybe he's hiding it.
12:28Doing a very good job.
12:30Maybe he's in turmoil inside.
12:34Well, if he is, it's indigestion.
12:38Let's find out.
12:41Onslow, do you think you'll be able to cope now that Daisy's got a toy boy?
12:47If he will, I think he'll be able to cope.
12:53I trust you've remembered your cruets, ladies.
12:58Oh, you do your lettuce like that, do you?
13:00Sort of lumpy and carefree.
13:01Yes.
13:03My Sheridan prefers his arrange rather more symmetrically.
13:06But then he has such natural good taste.
13:09My mummy, he used to boast, designs the perfect salad.
13:14A wicked boy, Sheridan.
13:17I used to protest, of course, covered with embarrassment, but that's how he was.
13:21So perceptive, even at that age.
13:24Yes, you need real skill to muster cling film, don't you, dear?
13:28Oh, yes, he always had good taste, even as quite a small child.
13:33When other boys would come home from school, looking as though they'd barely survived an explosion,
13:37my Sheridan would always have his tie on straight and the cleanest pair of knees in the civilised world.
13:43Oh, is that one of Mrs Watson's cakes?
13:46Oh, yes, I can see it is now.
13:49She does try, bless her.
13:52That's one of Sheridan's favourite cakes, when it's made properly.
13:57Not that he has a sweet tooth, he's very self-disciplined.
14:01Oh, I remember his scoutmaster used to say that he'd never known anyone apply more grit and determination to the
14:08acquisition of his cook's badge than Sheridan.
14:11Oh, that's nice, dear.
14:13Whatever it is.
14:20It's very tolerant of Onslow to let me have a toy boy.
14:25It's just a bit too tolerant of Onslow to let me have a toy boy.
14:29And you spent all that time and trouble on his mosquito bite.
14:35I suppose I just have to conclude that Onslow doesn't love me.
14:39Maybe underneath he loves you.
14:42Underneath what? He's got practically nothing on.
14:46How soon the magic slips from your marriage.
14:50These days, he never says anything nice to me.
14:53Never anything romantic?
14:55Never.
14:57I tell a lie.
14:59Once he said,
15:01Daisy, you do great chips.
15:04It's not much after 20 years of marriage.
15:07Is that all he says?
15:09Any more beer?
15:11That's what he says mostly.
15:31I think the thing is, he just doesn't notice.
15:35If you were with some other man and saw you with your toy boy, then the other man would be
15:40bound to notice.
15:43We need another man.
15:49Somebody reliable.
15:51Somebody who Onslow would listen to.
15:55Richard!
16:01Don't worry, dear, they're not coming till one o'clock.
16:04And of course, what is quite exceptional in this day and age is Sheridan's instinctive thoughtfulness.
16:10His absolute care and concern for his mother.
16:14It's so very rare.
16:16Especially when they're gifted academically.
16:22Garlic!
16:24Do you think that's quite appropriate in an Anglican church hall?
16:34How do you mean Richard needs me?
16:36Go and find out.
16:38Why do you need me?
16:39He wouldn't say, but it's important.
16:41He sounded urgent on the phone.
16:43I never heard the phone.
16:44Once we had a chimney stack blow down, you never heard that either.
16:48Have you ever needed me before?
16:50He's your brother-in-law.
16:52Just go and find out what he wants.
16:54Well, where is he?
16:55He's at St Thingy's church hall.
16:57Where?
16:58Near Hyacinth, but wait outside.
17:00Away from Hyacinth.
17:02He needs you.
17:03What he needs is a holiday from Hyacinth.
17:07Go on.
17:23Oh, yes, those will do, dear. I expect they'll see us through lunch.
17:28Oh, Vicar!
17:30I wanted to tell you about my Sheridan, didn't I?
17:34You've never met him, of course.
17:36I'm afraid not, no.
17:38But you'll have heard of him.
17:39Oh, more than once.
17:41More than once.
17:44That's better.
17:47I must bring him over the next time he's on leave from his academic studies.
17:52May I, uh...
17:52Oh, thank you.
17:55Or better still, you could come over to one of my candlelight suppers.
18:00No, not there, Vicar.
18:02There.
18:09You'll find his conversation very stimulating.
18:11I'm sure.
18:13Everyone says that he has amazing intellectual powers.
18:18That's nice.
18:20Yes, isn't it?
18:24Of course, I spotted it early.
18:26He was most exceptional, even as a child.
18:29Yes, he would be.
18:30Excuse me, Vicar.
18:31Hyacinth, have you seen your husband?
18:33Of course I see him regularly. It's a good wife's duty.
18:37No, there's someone outside asking for him.
18:39Richard.
18:40Oh, it'll be someone very important from the council.
18:43There'll be a crisis.
18:44Richard is invaluable in a crisis.
18:47Excuse me, Vicar, I'd better go and find him.
18:49Lives could be at stake.
18:51Help the Vicar, will you, dear? Richard!
18:56That's better.
18:57Richard!
18:58Richard!
19:00I can't think of it, mate.
19:02All the more reason to take trouble.
19:05First impressions are very important.
19:06Now, I suggest one hand in your jacket pocket.
19:10It gives a sense of relaxed alertness.
19:16Try the other one, dear.
19:20No, I don't think so.
19:22Perhaps you should show a handkerchief in your top pocket.
19:25I'm going.
19:26Oh, really?
19:28Well, we can't do that, then.
19:30Well, don't step back.
19:32I said that maybe nothing.
19:33It may be the key to your next promotion.
19:39What's yours like doing here?
19:41How should I know?
19:42Get rid of him.
19:43How can I do that?
19:44Get rid of him.
19:47Oh, very well, leave it to me.
19:49Be tactful.
19:50Of course I'll be tactful.
19:52Honslow, go away.
19:54Before anyone sees you.
19:56It was only you.
19:57And the Vicar.
19:58And a few assaulted females.
20:00You've not been talking to the Vicar, have you?
20:02I hope you haven't been talking to the Vicar.
20:05Relax.
20:06I just caught a glimpse of him through the window, didn't I?
20:08Well, that's all right, then.
20:09Anyway, whatever it is, it'll have to wait.
20:12I want a word with Richard.
20:14That is impossible at the moment.
20:16Someone very important is looking for Richard.
20:19He's been asked for at the door.
20:20That was me.
20:22You?
20:24What do you mean, you?
20:27What is all this about?
20:29I don't know.
20:30Don't look at me.
20:32Excuse me, Honslow.
20:34I need it inside.
20:37Get him out of sight and don't be long.
20:44She does a great line in Waffle, your eyes is.
20:47Richard!
20:49A word with you, please.
20:52See you around the back.
21:03Why does Honslow never wear a suit?
21:06He has a suit.
21:08He got married in a suit.
21:09He still looked terrible, but at least he looked terrible in a suit.
21:13Now there, come on.
21:15So why are there always parts of him bulging out of skimpy garments?
21:19Come along, dear.
21:20He dresses casually.
21:22There's a difference between casual and downright reckless.
21:25I can't imagine why Daisy married him.
21:29You play together as children.
21:31You have all the strange, childish fears about monsters.
21:35Little do you dream that your sister's going to grow up to marry one.
21:39Well, there's no accounting for who falls for whom.
21:42Well, there should be.
21:44And don't get in a pet, dear.
21:46It's very untidy.
21:48Suits into breeding with T-shirts.
21:50No good will cover it.
21:52Now, where is Honslow now?
21:54I'll send him around the back.
21:56Oh, good.
21:56Now, keep going, dear.
21:57There's lots more to do.
21:59Oh, no!
22:00I haven't put my china in with all the rest.
22:03Elizabeth, dear, give me a hand, will you, with all this china up to the top table.
22:08I won't have the wrong people drinking out of my hand-painted periwinkles.
22:13Oh, dear.
22:15I think the guest speaker will be at the top table, but I'd better check with the vicar.
22:18Where is he?
22:19He's outside at the back.
22:21What?
22:21He's just started the outdoor prayers.
22:25Richard, don't just sit there, dear.
22:26Come on.
22:28And hurry, before the vicar catches up with him.
22:31I'll be out later.
22:33Put those down, dear.
22:35I thought she said put them on the top.
22:36They've just started.
22:44It's nothing, nothing, nothing.
22:47Just the chalice broken on the wheel.
22:50The pitcher shattered at the fountain.
22:53Pardon?
22:55Forty pound each and irreplaceable.
22:57Bare ‫
23:00Striped at the fountain...
23:05Ha!
23:06Haus!
23:07Has sin's use?
23:09La Pit!
23:17Game on!
23:29This is a nice place to drag up, young man.
23:32Why do you want to see me?
23:34Why here?
23:35Me?
23:36Did I want to see you?
23:39I've got a message.
23:42Not from me.
23:43The Holy Spirit, we know we at the end shall live in Herod.
23:54Then can't see me away, I'll fear not what men say.
24:02I'll lay the night and day to be a Belgrade.
24:09I'll lay the night and day to be a Belgrade.
24:17And I'll lay the night and day to be a Belgrade.
24:21Then can't see me all along with her.
24:26I'll lay the night and day to be a Belgrade.
24:36I'll lay the night and day to be a Belgrade.
24:49I have no idea. I've never seen anyone in my life.
25:05Sorry.
25:09Great idea of yours, Dickie, to drag me in here.
25:12Cheers.
25:13Cheers.
25:17Onslow, I don't want to be personal, but at the church hall just now...
25:24What's that Daisy?
25:26Daisy?
25:27Your wife.
25:29Oh, that Daisy.
25:32Didn't you think it was funny?
25:35I suppose I did, really.
25:38I never knew she liked motorbikes.