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00:05NANZAI!
00:09Play at home fun.
00:11From a land where anything is truly possible, comes new gambling opportunities.
00:19Place your bets now, it's time to play NANZAI!
00:36NANZAI!
00:36FUNZAI!
00:39Place your bets now!
00:51A certain smile...
00:54Five gentlemen, four of them have full head of hair.
00:58One is a baldy bloke who hides his shame beneath a wig.
01:02Can you tell which one he is?
01:04Is he number one?
01:05I hope, for his sake, it is.
01:09Perhaps it is number two.
01:11He's not very happy about something.
01:13Number three.
01:14Has he got a touch of Morgan about him?
01:17And number four.
01:18He may be old, but he also looks dodgy.
01:21Not as dodgy as number five though.
01:24He looked like a cousin between Bobby Charlton and Adolf Hitler.
01:28So, which one has the syrup?
01:32Place your bets now!
01:34Come on!
01:35Come on!
01:37You've got to be in it to win it!
02:03You've got to be in it to win it!
02:05Congratulations!
02:06May prosperity shine upon your household during the winter months!
02:12Still lots of gambling opportunities to come on Banzai, but fast!
02:18Although it is daytime, these are ladies of the night.
02:22They say it is the oldest profession in the world.
02:25I've been walking these streets so long.
02:28You may never have been with a prostitute, or at least say you haven't.
02:32But don't worry, you can still play this game at home.
02:35It's called Nice Lady, Nice Prize.
02:40Who do you think costs the most?
02:42The dark haired lady called Amanda, or the blondie called Georgette?
02:48Taste your bets now!
02:51Could be tasty!
02:55Betting ends!
02:57Which lady it's going to be?
03:00Uh, darling?
03:01Dark haired lady, how much to do it proper with you?
03:03If you sleep with me tonight, it's going to be 120 pounds.
03:06I don't believe it!
03:09Hey, blondie lady, how much to do it proper with you?
03:13The slate of mayors 170 pounds.
03:16So, blondie most expensive, 170 quid.
03:20Cool, blimey, she must be good!
03:24Banzai!
03:26This genuine Jewish rabbi called Rabbi Weiss.
03:30He got proper hat, beard, and everything else you expect!
03:35Banzai take normal bucket and turn it into holy bucket by filling it with three heavy Jewish Bibles.
03:42So, now we can play...
03:46The Blessed Bucket of Bibles Bet!
03:52Rules of godlike gamble, quite simple.
03:55Rabbi must take two metal buckets full of Jewish Bibles and hold them out in front of himself for as
04:01long as possible.
04:02Game ends as soon as metally-style buckets hit metally-style tabletop, causing small red bulb to light up.
04:12Understand? Good!
04:13So, how long do you think genuine rabbi managed to hold on to his buckets for?
04:21Will it be...
04:21A, less than 30 seconds?
04:24B, between 31 and 40 seconds?
04:28Or...
04:29C, 41 and 300 seconds?
04:33Place bets now!
04:35Come on, come on!
04:37How long rabbi keep it up for?
04:39What's it going to be?
04:41A, B, or C?
04:44Begging hands!
04:46Okay, Mr. Avai, let's get ready to rumble!
04:50There's a bell!
04:52Start the clock!
04:53When you're feeling alright, everything is uptight
04:57Try to sing a song, because ding, ding it all
05:00That's amazing!
05:02When you sing tomorrow
05:03He looking very strong
05:07That's amazing!
05:09He not struggling at all, making it look easy
05:13That's amazing!
05:15Do it, maybe
05:16Come on rabbi, you can do it
05:18When your lover is done, done, done, sing
05:21The rabbi has made it past 30 seconds
05:23Wow! He now beginning to look a bit wobbly, huh?
05:27Come on, come on, come on rabbi
05:29Will he make it to the 40 seconds?
05:33He made it!
05:35That's amazing!
05:36Sing!
05:39Ah, but no, no, no!
05:41He's starting to look a bit shaky
05:42His arm is beginning to weaken
05:43Look like he not last much longer
05:45He going, he losing it!
05:47Oh no! It all over!
05:51He made 55 seconds!
05:54If you don't see, you are a winner!
05:56What a smashing rabbi!
05:59Bonzoi!
06:01Twenty years ago, Mrs. Toya Wilcox won this British Pop Music Oscar for Best Female Vocalist
06:08It's like winning the Pop World Cup or something
06:12But that is sadly now history
06:15Now, all she has is memories
06:17But, like the wise man said, memories will not put food on the table
06:22So, Mrs. Toya popped into local pawnbrokers
06:25To swap her award for cash
06:36The Pop Prize Price Conundrum
06:39This man, a genuine poor man
06:42He buys the things and then sells them for a big profit
06:46But, question is
06:48When he examines Toya's pride and joy
06:51Just how much money you think he give her for him?
06:55Will it be...
06:56A. Ten pounds
06:58B. One hundred pounds
07:00C. Three hundred pounds
07:03D. Five hundred pounds
07:06Or E. One thousand pounds
07:10Place your bets now!
07:13How much do I get for a pop pop prize?
07:17Think and bet!
07:19Let it end!
07:22One thousand pounds
07:25So, how many quids will Toya get?
07:28Er, for British Rock and Pop Awards from 1981
07:31I'd lend you five hundred pounds
07:34Is that it?
07:36Five hundred quid!
07:38If you say five hundred pounds, you are winner
07:40May you forever eat in the restaurant of good fortune
07:44Apparently, they do a lovely Sunday lunch
07:50The drink of the Goths
07:55These three men are Goth men
07:57Goths are an endangered species
07:59Some might say that's a good thing, but whatever
08:02That's not important
08:04Goth man number one, call himself Jason
08:07Goth man number two, call himself Dave Death
08:12Goth man number three, he the leader of Goth Pack
08:15He lord of all Goths darkness
08:18And master of all Goths shadow
08:20He called Robin
08:24Today, the Goth men are having big drinking session
08:27Two of them are drinking genuine pints of lager
08:31The third has ordered a special Goth pint
08:34Called Snakebite and Black
08:37This old lady she called Glenis
08:40She not a Goth, she old age pensioner
08:43But can she tell which Goth has been drinking the Snakebite and Black drink
08:48Using only the power of kissing
08:56The drink of the Goth
08:59Once in your life
09:00Okay, old lady approaching Goth number one
09:04Haha, giving a good go
09:06Things about
09:07Could be
09:08Already moved on to Goth number two
09:12Could it be him?
09:16Finally, Goth number three
09:21But has she located the Snakebite drinking Goth?
09:24Will she guess right?
09:26Yes or no? Yes or no? Yes or no?
09:28PLEASURE BETS NOW!
09:32Come on, BETS! BETS! BETS!
09:42BEDDING ENDS!
09:46So, time to find out!
09:50She pick Robin the Ghost! Is he right? Is he?
09:54Yes! She gets right, Goth! Congratulations already, Grace, on your excellent taste!
10:09Banzai!
10:12That's all from part one, but still plenty more gambling opportunities in part two, including...
10:19The Celebrity Sexy Party Selection!
10:24The Little of the Talking Turkey Man!
10:28And the Willy Carson Ground Touch Tournament!
10:33Banzai!
10:35End of part one!
10:46Banzai!
10:47Banzai!
10:49Banzai!
10:51Banzai!
10:53Banzai!
11:16Banzai!
11:17To help Sexy Party go with the swing, Mr. June and Mr. Chris get to pick from our Banzai bed.
11:24Two ladies each, to be their very special friend for the evening.
11:29But that means, one nice lady will be left on shelf.
11:33Which one will it be?
11:35Do you think it will be?
11:37Do you think it will be?
11:38A. Miss Celeste?
11:40B. Miss Nancy?
11:42C. Miss Rachel?
11:44D. Miss Angela?
11:46Or E. Miss Jackie?
11:50So, question is, which one will be left after Mr. John and Mr. Chris have picked their favorites?
11:57What do you think?
11:59Place your bets now!
12:01Come on, come on! A, B, C, D, Y, E!
12:03Which lady is going to be?
12:06Betting the end!
12:07Banzai.
12:09Mr. McQuarrick, first to pick!
12:13Banzai.
12:13But, who'd he go for?
12:15Which one you think is his favorite type?
12:19Banzai.
12:19Ooh, he gone for Miss Angela.
12:21Not much hesitation there.
12:23He's a man who knows what he wants and how to get it.
12:27Ah-ha!
12:27Now time for Mr. Chris to make first pick!
12:31Banzai.
12:32Which one he picked?
12:35He's sniffing around for his first lady.
12:38He a man of exquisite taste.
12:42He gone for Celeste.
12:45Good choice. Nice taste.
12:47Maybe he played this game before.
12:50He's so professional.
12:52Okay, now Mr. John make his final choice.
12:56He having a good look and studying all form on bed.
13:02Blondie lady using all her womanly ways to try and entice the horseman.
13:07Maybe she played this game before as well.
13:10Oh, ha ha.
13:12He gone for exotic lady with sparkly bits of face called Jackie.
13:16Leaving two very disappointed young ladies.
13:20But one still has a chance.
13:22Their fate lies in the hands of Mr. Chris Quentin.
13:25Which will he go for?
13:27Oh, difficult decision, isn't it?
13:29Will it be Blondie or Gingy?
13:32Blondie or Gingy?
13:33Mr. Chris having good think.
13:35Outcome of Gamble now lying in his hands.
13:38But who will be his lucky lady?
13:40Mr. McCleary getting impatient.
13:43He under starter's orders.
13:45Come on, Chris.
13:47Oh, ha ha.
13:48He gone for a ginger lady called Rachel.
13:52Oh, unbelievable picking from Mr. Chris.
13:56He gone Ginga.
13:57So, it's a Blondie lady called Nancy.
14:01If you said she'd be the one not invited to the minor celebrity sexy party, you are a winner.
14:14Banzai.
14:19Mr. Shake Hands Man.
14:24Mr. Shake Hands Man like to shake hands with celebrity people for a long time.
14:30Last week, we shake hands with pretty famous singer Louise for 32 seconds.
14:36But that's history now.
14:38And hopefully, we can put poor performance behind him.
14:41How long do you think we shake hands with big breakfast, Blondie, Miss Dona Airhole?
14:48Will it be A, under one minute?
14:51B, one minute exactly?
14:54Or C, over one minute?
14:57Press your bets now.
14:59Come on, are you yellow or something?
15:03Do it.
15:03Bet, bet, bet, bet.
15:06Betting end.
15:08B, one minute.
15:09Start the clock.
15:10Hi, Ogezama.
15:11Hi, Ogezama.
15:12Oh, you're Japanese very good.
15:14I'm from Banzai Channel 4.
15:17Arigato.
15:18Oh, that's my stay.
15:20So, what, what does bring, bring you here for tonight?
15:23Um, I'm here to, obviously, um, support the Macmillan...
15:27Shake it, Mr. Shakehand Man.
15:29Shake it good and proper.
15:31And we're here tonight to auction off celebrity stockings.
15:34Gently, does it?
15:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:37Oh, that's great.
15:38So, is there anything you brought here for it?
15:42Sorry?
15:43Does anybody bring here?
15:45Does anybody?
15:45Yeah.
15:46Does anything you bring here?
15:48Oh, yes, I've got, I've got, um, they're stocking all the stockings.
15:50Shake hands man, not very good at Queen's English.
15:53So, what are they?
15:54Could you tell me?
15:55What are they?
15:55Well, I've got perfume...
15:56He need killer question.
15:58Ask her, what music she likes listening to?
16:01Music, lots of girly things.
16:03So, what sort of CD you prefer listening to?
16:07Right?
16:07Yes.
16:08What kind of CD's do I like listening to?
16:10He done it!
16:11Mr. Shakehand Man, shake for a minute!
16:14Oh, need another bet?
16:16Will Mr. Shakehand Man make it to three minutes?
16:19Yes or no?
16:20Yes or no?
16:21No, press your bets now.
16:23Okay, we keep our eye on him and go bet on something else.
16:29The riddle of the talking turkey man.
16:33This man called Mahmud.
16:36He a turkey man.
16:37But can you tell whether he being nice or nasty?
16:41Okay, turkey man will talk turkey to you.
16:52So, what do you think he said?
16:54Was he being nice or nasty?
16:56Or was he saying...
16:57A, I may be Turkish, but I'm fond of English scones.
17:02And I'm quite partial to jazz.
17:04Or B, you eat my kebabs, English!
17:08But the cheese sauce on them is actually my Turkish jizz!
17:13What was he shouting?
17:14Was it A, nice?
17:16Or B, nasty?
17:18Nice or nasty?
17:19Nasty or nice?
17:21Pressure bets now!
17:24Are you sure?
17:25Are you confident?
17:28Betting ends!
17:31If you thought he was saying,
17:33A, I may be Turkish, but I'm fond of English scones,
17:37and I'm quite partial to jazz...
17:39You wrong!
17:40He was being nasty again!
17:43Ha ha ha ha ha!
17:44He really say...
17:46Cheese!
17:46You eat my kebabs, English!
17:48But the cheese sauce on them is actually my Turkish jizz!
17:53Ha ha ha!
17:54Back to Mr. Shakehandsman!
17:56Good work going on here with Mr. Shakehandsman!
18:00Ha ha ha!
18:00Very strong shaking!
18:02Oh!
18:03He almost made three minutes!
18:05He almost there!
18:07Uh, silly question, how do you mean a brick?
18:09Yes!
18:10He made it!
18:11Ha ha ha ha!
18:11I start working...
18:13Okay!
18:13Another bet!
18:15Will Mr. Shakehandsman make it for another minute?
18:18Let's say, up to 270 seconds?
18:22That's four and a half minutes!
18:24What do you think?
18:26Will he make it?
18:26Yes or no?
18:27Yes or no?
18:29Precipits now!
18:30My body's on a completely different time zone at the moment.
18:34It's very strange.
18:35Is she beginning to look a bit bored?
18:37Mr. Shakehandsman, ask her about her see-through talk.
18:41By the way, you're wearing a lovely and a sheet thing.
18:45Who chose the dress for you tonight?
18:48I grabbed it.
18:49I ran in, had a bath and grabbed it.
18:52I got this from a market.
18:54Top class shaking!
18:55He's back to his best here!
18:57Yes!
18:58A real return to foam!
19:01One is...
19:02One is...
19:03One is...
19:03From...
19:03And my shoes are Sergio Rossi.
19:06Oh!
19:07Yes, very very pointy.
19:09Pointy shoes?
19:10Yeah, pointy shoes.
19:11Not probably for walking.
19:12I'm sure you wouldn't...
19:13Yeah, I don't do that much walking at the moment.
19:15I kind of stagger around in my tired stick.
19:19I would say my left hand side, it touched on your teeth.
19:22Oh, that's all right.
19:23It's a very good feeling, yeah.
19:24He said he touched her teeth with his hand.
19:28Plimey!
19:29He's using strange tactics here.
19:30But they seem to be paying off, don't they?
19:34But wait!
19:34Who's this coming?
19:36Did boys' woman kiss Duffy?
19:37But this is my woman, and I'm taking her away.
19:40Oh, no!
19:41It all over!
19:44What on the clock?
19:46Two hundred seventy-two seconds.
19:48That's four minutes and thirty-two seconds.
19:52He made it!
19:54Phenomenal shaking!
19:55He has broken all the shaking records.
20:04Banzai!
20:11The Willy Carson Grand Touch Tournament!
20:16Willy Carson, very rich and famous horse jockey man.
20:20When not horse racing,
20:22Willy Carson liked to keep innocent women prisoner against their will.
20:27One such prisoner is Gina G,
20:30who after failing in Eurovision Song Contest,
20:33fell into his clutches and became his captain.
20:36Her only hope of escape is to beat her master, the evil Willy,
20:42in a game of his choice.
20:44And tonight, he has chosen...
20:46The Willy Carson Ground Touch Tournament!
20:54Rules of ground touching, quite simple.
20:56Both competitors stand upright until they hear sound of bells.
21:01They must stand, reach down, and touch ground as quickly as possible.
21:05First to touch ground is winner.
21:08Understand?
21:09Good.
21:10So, who you think will be victorious in...
21:13The Willy Carson Ground Touch Tournament!
21:19Hey!
21:20Peace of bits now!
21:22Come on, come on, come on!
21:23Who you go for, pretty lady singer?
21:25Or Batman, really?
21:27Time running out!
21:28Five, four, three, two, one!
21:31Bedding finished!
21:37Gina, prepare to battle for your freedom,
21:40and may you do better than you did with Song for Europe.
21:46Tension mounting as moment of battle approaches!
22:02It is time!
22:05Oh, so quick!
22:08Who's the winner?
22:09Must be again in slow motion!
22:11Here we go!
22:13Oh, no!
22:14Evil Willy Carson's first floor!
22:16He's a winner!
22:18Ha ha!
22:19Gina G loses not only game, but her freedom!
22:23She must remain the property of evil Mr. Willy Castle!
22:27What a cheeky rascal he is!
22:35Banzai!
22:40Next week on Banzai...
22:43The Floating Lady Firearms Battle!
22:49And the Three-Legged Dog Bone Chase with Mr. Steve Buckley!
22:57Till next time!
23:02Banzai...
23:31Menshiiii...
23:32Radar.
23:34Radar.
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