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00:00Anzai!
00:04Play at home fun.
00:06From a land where anything is truly possible, comes new gambling opportunities.
00:14Place your bets now, it's time to play Anzai!
00:24Anzai!
00:31Anzai!
00:33Place your bets now!
00:43The Hook and the Man Piano Puzzle.
00:47Three sophisticated looking gentlemen.
00:51One of them is a man known only as the Hook and the Impostor.
00:56Wanted in many countries for a series of Hook-related crimes.
01:00The Hook-handed Impostor is a master of this guy.
01:04Today, he has hidden himself amongst some piano men.
01:09Question is, can you tell which piano man has a hook for a hand?
01:14Could it be number one?
01:16He looks a bit rough around the edges.
01:19But is that because he's a deranged man with a Hook or a hand?
01:23How to tell Ine?
01:25Maybe it's number two.
01:27He has a small mustache, round glasses and a very strange smile.
01:33Like he experiments with dead people or something.
01:37Or maybe you go for number three.
01:40He got a nice red bowtie and moves well.
01:45Is he the real McCoy?
01:47Very difficult decision in it.
01:49But decision must be made.
01:52Who is the Hook-handed Impostor?
01:55Piano Man 1?
01:56Piano Man 2?
01:58Or Piano Man 3?
02:00Face bits now!
02:09Getting end!
02:11Oh, disappointing!
02:12pointing. So, which Piano Man has a hook for a hand? Okay, time now for Piano Man mystery
02:22solvings. Oh, well, who is it? What? He? Here? Oh, unbelievable! If you said number one,
02:34you are the winner! This is the end of the line for you, Mr. Hook Man. You are pretend
02:42the Piano playing days are over for good. Okay, there's nothing more to see here.
02:47Move on! What else have you got?
02:53Still lots of gambling opportunities to come on Banzai! But first, Lady One Question.
03:02Lady One Question likes to say absolutely nothing to celebrity people for a long time.
03:09Last time, she managed to say absolutely nothing to cooking lady Nigel Lawson for 49 seconds
03:17before she finally make excuses and leave. Question is, after one question, how long can Lady One
03:25Question remain silent for in the company of Mr. Monty Python Man, Terry Gilliam? How long
03:32will the amusing American man hang about for, eh? Will it be, A, 0 to 10 seconds, B, 11 to
03:4120 seconds,
03:42or C, 21 seconds and over?
03:46Question bets now!
03:49Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!
03:52Ha ha! That was the other one. Shut up! Quickie, quick!
03:57Betting ends!
03:59Okay, then! Unleash your one question!
04:02Do you think that the theatre in Britain is very important for today's society?
04:07Starts the clock!
04:08It will continue to be important, yeah. It's still one of the few places where you can get
04:12good theatre at reasonable prices. That's it. That's all I've got to say.
04:18Hey! What are we doing here? It's been nice talking to you.
04:27Gilliam going! He going! Gilliam going! Stop the clock! What is it? How long?
04:3523 seconds! Ha ha ha! Brilliant! If you say C, 21 seconds and over, you are the winner!
04:45Ready one question! You must be over the moon! I mean, what a result, eh?
04:52Really? What about that result, eh? Shall we move on? To something else? Yes? Good! What else we got?
05:09The Great Grange Hill Gravy Gamble. This man is Mr. Bronson. He used to wear a wig and be a
05:18teacher at school called Grange Hill.
05:21These glasses contain three pints of genuine gravy, the type normal people like to pour the meat into veg on
05:29a Sunday.
05:30Mr. Bronson, however, he likes to guzzle gravy like a lager, lager, lager boy.
05:35Oh! Big tough guy! Macho man!
05:42Question is, how long you think it take Grange Hill man Mr. Bronson to drink all three pints of thick
05:49gravy?
05:50Mmm! Bisto!
05:51Will it be A, 0 to 30 seconds? B, 31 to 60 seconds? C, 61 to 90 seconds? O, D,
06:0191 to 120 seconds?
06:03Press your bets now! Come on! I know it's difficult! Now we won! Now we won! Now we won!
06:11Down the hatch, old boy!
06:12Betting heads!
06:16Okay! Napkin in position! Mr. Bronson is ready!
06:21Is he steady? Goal!
06:24He taking first gravy sippings!
06:28Oh! Very tasty, eh, Mr. Bronson man?
06:33Look at him! He love it! He's slapping it all away!
06:38Down the hatch, old boy!
06:39This glass contains a pint and a half of genuine gravy!
06:43So exciting! Gravy drinkings!
06:47Whoa, whoa! Wait! Stumbling!
06:49Spirings! Must drink it, Mr. Bronson!
06:52Quick, quick, quick! Oh, yes, yes!
06:55Oh, no! Come on! More drinkings, you stupid man!
07:01Come on, Mr. Bronson! Oh, nearly there! Nearly! You doing so well!
07:06Yes! Yes!
07:07Yes!
07:08Finishing! More and more and more!
07:10Yes! One nil!
07:13He finished first class at 49 seconds!
07:18Mr. Bronson man! Come on!
07:20Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
07:22He must drink a total of three points of gravy today!
07:25Everyone behind him on this!
07:27Mrs. McCluskey! Scruffy McGuffey!
07:30Pogo Patterson!
07:32One more!
07:33Sammo!
07:34One more!
07:34Roland!
07:35And one more!
07:36Even Tucker Jenkins sends you his good luck today!
07:39That's so typical of the man!
07:44Come on, Mr. Bronson!
07:45This is not a gravy marathon! It's a gravy sprint!
07:50Finished, Mr. Bronson!
07:52What's the worst that could happen, eh?
07:54Finish it!
07:55Guzzle! Guzzle! Guzzle!
07:57Slap! Slap! Slap!
07:59Has he...
07:59He done it!
08:03Look at the state of him!
08:07He put that gravy to bed in 98 seconds!
08:10James, if you said D, then you are winner!
08:14Thank you, Mr. Bronson!
08:16After today, we are sure you'll get the party in standards!
08:19Just like Tucker Jenkins did!
08:27Bonsai!
08:29Far, far away, there's a land ruled by BBC football pundit man,
08:35Mr. Mark Lawrenson!
08:37He appears to his people only as a fearsome flying head
08:41that stalks the countryside,
08:44killing all men, women, and children without a mustache!
08:49Fortunately, two brave members of the Resistance have caught him
08:54and are going to smash his big head into next week with some big sticks
08:59in a public execution type game we call...
09:12The Mr. Mark Lawrenson big head bashing bed!
09:18Rules of Bash Laurel's head are quite simple.
09:21Each man is blindfolded and asked to spin around until they are very dizzy.
09:27They then strike three times at where they think is the big head of Mr. Lawrenson.
09:31The head is filled with blood!
09:34Whoever spills the big head blood on the ground first is the winner!
09:39Understand?
09:40Good!
09:42Question is, which of the two will smash that head into?
09:46Will it be?
09:47Hero number one?
09:48He called Troy!
09:51He loves the theatre and the countryside,
09:54and believes that we are not alone.
09:57Fair enough!
09:59Or will it be hero number two?
10:01He called Dave!
10:03He loves Inspector Moss, Crosswords, and Monster Munch.
10:08Interesting!
10:10So, Troy or Dave?
10:12Dave or Troy?
10:13One or two?
10:14Two or one or...
10:16It's your bets now!
10:17Which one of the two?
10:19Smash that head right through!
10:21Come on, come on!
10:22The bigger they come, the harder they fall!
10:25Hurry, hurry!
10:25Betting ends!
10:29Troy, first to go!
10:31Spinning!
10:32Spin, spin, spin, spin, spin!
10:34Oh, must be dizzy, nah?
10:37Remember, he has three strikes!
10:40Hold your horses!
10:41He facing wrong direction!
10:44Oh!
10:47Oh!
10:49Disgrace!
10:51Schoolboy error!
10:52That crazy one!
10:54Three strikes!
10:56But, roll on not the axe!
10:58Dave turn now!
10:59Spinning as well!
11:01Three, five, four, fun!
11:03Can he smell the blood of Mark Rowland's on?
11:05Oh!
11:07Oh!
11:09Oh!
11:10Look!
11:11Ha-ha!
11:12Lower the eye out!
11:14But no blood has fallen!
11:16No blood at all!
11:17It's almost like he laughing at a muscle man!
11:20Mr. Lawrence is like a great big sponge of pain!
11:24Ha-ha-ha!
11:26Troy, once more, must face his destiny!
11:29Will he be the man to put Mr. Mark out of his misery?
11:33Oh!
11:34Oh!
11:35Great!
11:36Yes!
11:37Springs!
11:38Ha-ha-ha!
11:39Blood springs!
11:40Big red blood has been spit!
11:42Oh!
11:43Ha-ha!
11:43It's all over for you, Mr. Mark Rowland's on my...
11:49Supreme bashings!
11:50He bashed Loro's head in cold blood!
11:54Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
11:56Well done, Mr. Troy!
11:59You must be over the moon!
12:01The big head is dead!
12:03Today, Mark Rowland's on!
12:06Tomorrow, Buddy Venison!
12:08I don't know!
12:09It's only a suggestion!
12:11Oh!
12:11Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
12:16-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
12:31It's been a long time!
12:33Last time, Mr. Shake Hands Man 2 only managed to shake the hand of Miss Jackie Collins for twelve seconds!
12:42Twelve seconds!
12:43That's so embarrassing for the big man!
12:47Today, Mr. Shake Hands Man 2 must shake hands with actress lady Mrs. Angelica Houston!
12:54Question is, how long will she shake Mr. Shake Hands Man hand for?
12:58Will it be?
13:00A.
13:00Zero to thirty seconds!
13:02B.
13:03Thirty-one to sixty seconds!
13:05C.
13:06Sixty-one to ninety seconds!
13:08D.
13:09Ninety-one to a hundred and twenty seconds!
13:11Or E.
13:12A hundred and twenty-one seconds and over!
13:14Press your bets now!
13:17Houston, you have a problem!
13:19You got a big fat Shake Hands Man attached to you!
13:22Hahahaha!
13:22Better end!
13:25Oh, start the clock!
13:28Oh-ho, good stuff!
13:30He talking to camera again?
13:31Is that good sign?
13:33It could mean that the old magic is back!
13:36Oh, I hope so for his sake!
13:39Personally, I was all for sucking him last week.
13:47It must be said, his questions show no sign of improvement.
13:51But this not Parkinson, this Shake Hands Man.
13:54So, it fair enough, I suppose?
13:57What is your favorite Anthony Quinn movie?
14:02You've got to hand it to Shake Hands Man, too.
14:04He's really turning this around.
14:07I'm big enough to say that.
14:08He's out there making me eat my words.
14:11Munch, munch, munch.
14:14I have the Royal Tenen Bounce coming out in probably...
14:19Come on, come on, Mr. Shake Hands Man, too.
14:21Show us what you made of.
14:24Well, wait, wait.
14:26Oh, no.
14:27He's running out of questions.
14:28Quick, ask anything.
14:30Ask anything.
14:30Just hold on, hold on.
14:32Keep on talking.
14:33Oh, come on, come on.
14:34Ah, it's all over.
14:36She slipped away.
14:37How long are you, Ken?
14:38How long are you going to talk?
14:4069 seconds.
14:42Awesome.
14:44If you say, see, 61 to 90 seconds, then congratulations.
14:49What a result.
14:50I always knew you were a winner, big man.
14:53I said that all along.
15:05The Shuffle of the Sinful Lady.
15:10Three lovely geisha ladies, identical in almost every detail except one.
15:15Two of the ladies wear only white underwear because they are very nice and as pure as driven snow.
15:22The other pretty lady, however, wears red underwear and red pants spell danger.
15:30Banzai request is a simple one.
15:32Keep an eye on the location of the lady in red.
15:36Make sure she don't get away because who knows what damage she might get up to.
15:42Okay, time for shuffling to begin.
15:47And they're off.
15:49Moving around.
15:50Not bad so far.
15:51Eh?
15:51Quite easy, actually.
15:53Oh, oh, oh.
15:54Shuffling faster now.
15:56Stay with the lady.
15:57Stay with her.
15:58Spinning now.
15:59Confusion mounting.
16:01They're traveling at the speed of light.
16:03Wear the red pants.
16:04Follow the red pants.
16:05Spinning.
16:06Ha, darling.
16:08Whoa, stoppings, please.
16:10Lady, thanks.
16:11Question that must be answered is, which is the lady with the red pants now?
16:16Is it Lady A?
16:18Lady B?
16:19Or Lady C?
16:21Face pets now.
16:23What you say?
16:24Do you need your eye-testing bus now?
16:27Pick a pretty lady.
16:29Don't be shy.
16:30Moving ten.
16:32Time for red underwear revealings, please.
16:36Devil woman with the red pants of evil is...
16:41C!
16:42That's amazing!
16:45Naughty geisha lady.
16:48Actually, I think red suits you.
16:50It was my mother's favorite color, you know?
16:54He, he, he, he.
16:57Bonsai.
16:59Two genuine, very pretty blind ladies with white streaks and black glasses.
17:05Today, they are both enjoying all the fun of the fair.
17:09Ha, ha, that's good.
17:10Because it gives Bonsai the opportunity to ask.
17:19A very interesting bumper car question.
17:24Genuine blind lady number one is normal.
17:27Genuine blind lady number two is clear.
17:31Both blind ladies must drive dodgums at full speed around the track.
17:36Question is, how long will it be until they finally crash into each other and stop?
17:42Would it be?
17:43A. 0 to 20 seconds.
17:46B. 21 to 40 seconds.
17:48Or C. 41 seconds and over.
17:52C. 41 seconds and over.
17:54Ding, ding, ding.
17:55Hold tight now, please.
17:57Brum, brum, brum.
17:58Put up to the bumper, baby.
18:00Too late.
18:02Ding, ding, ding.
18:03Ding, ding, ding.
18:04Okay.
18:05In five, four, three, two, one.
18:09Go, go, go.
18:11Off.
18:12Drive like the wind.
18:14Brum, brum, brum.
18:16Ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:17Could be.
18:18No, no, no, no.
18:20Although missing one basic sense, they seem to have a sixth one when it comes to dodging.
18:25Oh, look.
18:26Nearly hit.
18:27Ha, ha.
18:29Unbelievable dodgings.
18:30Well, wait! Yeah, yeah! No, no, no! So close!
18:36Lady collision is inevitable! Must be soon!
18:39Yes! Almost! Ah-ha-ha!
18:42Dodgems almost collided, but still dodging!
18:46What's this? They crash!
18:50Oh my! Oh my! Bump-dee-bump! How long was it?
18:55Thirty-nine seconds! Who would have thought it?
18:58If you said B, you are a winner!
19:04Thank you, pretty-blind-bump-a-ladies!
19:07I wasn't too sure about this before, but it was quite good actually, wasn't it?
19:11Maybe we could do it again sometime in the nude, perhaps?
19:23Banzai!
19:27That's all from Banzai this week, but plenty more gambling opportunities to come next time, including...
19:34The Big Brother Beach Burial Met!
19:38Drowning is inevitable!
19:40Ha-ha-ha-ha!
19:42More! More! More water! Yes, please!
19:45Gaz Top Pigeon Hat Restaurant Rendezvous!
19:49He's so popular with pigeon! He quite simply an all-round entertainer!
19:54Good work, Mr. Top Man!
19:57Banzai!
19:57I'm jealous of you from yesterday's work.
20:03I'm jealous of you from yesterday's work!
20:05I'm still a thief.
20:11Oh, man!
20:12When I'mID, I'm Highway.
20:18Excellent.
20:18How do I keep up my sleep?
20:19I'm looking forward to 48 women,
20:22where the light may continue to come now.
20:25Oh, man!
20:26She just sayspound hell in the end!
20:27Okay, of course!
20:27Like that!
20:29Ha!
20:29Ha!
20:30Ha!
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