- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools and Horses S07E13
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:26But is the one that's driving me berserk
00:29And why do only fours and horses work
00:33La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
00:42Potatoes, garlic, lemongrass
00:47Lemongrass?
00:49Where am I going to get lemongrass from?
00:52Oh, to hell with it, we'll have to have it without lemongrass
00:54Yeah, why are you doing that this early?
00:58I couldn't sleep, I'm worried about tonight
01:01You don't have to worry, sweetheart
01:02It's only your mum and dad, isn't it, coming for dinner?
01:05It's not only my mum and dad coming for dinner
01:07What, they're bringing the neighbours and all, are they?
01:09No, I mean, it's not that simple
01:12My parents and I didn't see each other for years
01:15Didn't even talk
01:16Yeah, I know, but you've kissed and made up now, haven't you?
01:18You and Damien, you went up there for the weekend at their house
01:20Well, I know, but now they're coming here
01:22They've never been to the flat before
01:24I've never cooked for them before
01:26They've never met you before
01:28Well, exactly, I'd be right by your side, wouldn't I, eh?
01:33Anyway, what did you tell them about me?
01:36Well, I said your name was Derek
01:37That's about it, really
01:40Yeah, well, with a bloke like me, that's all you need to know, really, isn't it, eh?
01:45Right
01:46What are you going to do us to eat?
01:48Noisettes of lamb in red wine and cognac
01:50You don't need to go to all that trouble, sweetheart
01:52A bacon sandwich will do me
01:54Oh, I see, oh, that's for tonight
01:57Oh, lamb in wine
01:59Hey, that's going to be lovely jubbly
02:01Morning, old
02:02Morning, old
02:03Morning
02:03And another thing
02:04You promised to get another table and some proper armchairs
02:07We can't eat at that thing
02:08It's all right, it's all right
02:09It's taken care of, sweetheart
02:11Denzel's coming round later on
02:13He's going to clear all this gear out and drop off the new stuff
02:15Anyway, I don't know why you're going to all this bother
02:18Really, I don't
02:19I said we could take them out for dinner
02:21You know, I'm really well in with the manager at a local restaurant
02:24No, this is my home now
02:27And if my parents want me back in their lives, they'd better get used to it
02:29Besides, a Spudulite's always full on a Friday
02:32Yeah, that's true
02:34Anyway, I'll get some breakfast then, shall I?
02:36Okay, will you check me on the bar, see if we've got any cognac?
02:38Yeah, all right
02:39There you go, yeah, I've got plenty of it
02:41All right, Albert, what do you want?
02:43Well, we're starting early, I'll have a cognac as well
02:45No, no, you old git
02:49That's for tonight, that
02:50Look, will you tell Raquel to stop worrying and fussing about this meal tonight?
02:55You've got nothing to worry about, love
02:56Well, all in the hand, you do the meat and I'll do the gravy
02:59Yeah, that's all right, and I'll do the veg
03:01I'm a dab hand with a pint of water and a bucket of cabbage
03:04The only thing we've got to worry about is whether that bloody lift's working
03:07Broke down twice this week, we can't have Cassandra climbing up all those stairs
03:12Not after what she's been through
03:13Are her and Rodney coming to dinner?
03:16Well, I invited them, but the way they are at the moment, who knows?
03:19Yeah, well, I hope they do, they need to get out
03:21What do you mean, Rodney's out every night?
03:23Yes, I know, he's got a lot on his mind, Raquel
03:25He's got a lot on his mind, and how do you think Cassandra feels?
03:28She's the one who's had the miscarriage
03:29She needs her husband by her side, not out drinking in some pub or club
03:34Yes, I know, but she's a woman, isn't she?
03:36She's stronger than Rodney
03:37No, I mean, I've known Rodney all his life
03:43He's always had this problem about facing up to things that hurt him
03:47What he tends to do is to walk away and pretend it isn't happening
03:51That's what he's doing now
03:52But, you know, as soon as he gets it off his chest, he's going to be fine
03:56See?
03:58All right, don't worry, I'll get it
03:59Trotters Independent Traders
04:04Oh, hello, Cassandra
04:06Cool, you're up early, what are you doing that for?
04:10You're
04:10Oh, right
04:12Rodney was only out again last night
04:16Didn't get home till the early hours
04:18Oh, no, you were with him
04:19Well, you'd better talk to her, come on then, you talk to her, will you?
04:26I'll take it in the kitchen
04:27Yeah, all right, all right
04:28What Rodney needs is a counter-worry
04:31You what?
04:32Well, during the...
04:33If you say during the war, once more
04:34I'm going to pour this cup of tea right over your head
04:37I wasn't going to say during the war
04:39Well, that's all right then
04:41Bloody little Noel
04:42You're all right
04:42I'm sorry
04:44Thank you
04:45During the 1939-1945 conflict in Germany
04:50I was sailing on a frigate
04:56HMS Sphinx in the Adriatic
04:58Now, in those days, the ship's crew was full of stress and fear
05:02Yeah, I'm not surprised when they saw you walking up the gang
05:04So our old skipper Captain Kenworthy used to relay all those fears by creating a counter-worry
05:11Like one day he announced there was a cholera epidemic on the ship
05:15Really? Well, that must have cheered you all up, didn't it?
05:17Well, it took their minds off the U-boats and the sharks
05:20I see
05:21Well, it's a good job your Captain Kenworthy didn't join the Samaritans
05:24Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to get a barge under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies
05:28He's still the same
05:30Cassandra said he's even stopped going to see the counsellor at the hospital
05:34Oh, dear
05:34Well, Albert reckons we ought to tell Rodney that there's a cholera epidemic in Beckham
05:39And that should get him out of his mood
05:41I see, give him a counter-way
05:43Look, if Rodney thought a close friend or a relative was ill
05:47He'd start worrying about them and stop worrying about himself
05:50Yeah, I see
05:51So when that person became better, Rodney would have forgotten what he was worried about in the first place
05:55Exactly
05:56Well, it's worth a try
05:58It's got to be someone he really cares for
06:00Damien
06:01How can he ask a five-year-old to act ill?
06:04I could pretend to be ill
06:06Yes, but how would he know the difference?
06:07No, no, look, it's got to be me, hasn't it?
06:11Eh?
06:12All right, that's him now
06:13All right, all right
06:14Okay, come on, we'll give it a whirl
06:15We'll give it a try
06:16I'm ill
06:16I'm ill, all right
06:17Come on, boy
06:18Morning
06:21Morning, son
06:23How's Cassandra?
06:25Fine, thank you
06:26Good morning, Rodney
06:28How are you?
06:33I'm all right
06:33Del's not very well, Rodney
06:37Oh, well, I'll go home then
06:39I swear I might, I might make a recovery
06:44We called the doctor in last night
06:47I bet you're wondering what he said, aren't you?
06:53What?
06:54He said I would live, but he didn't recommend it
06:58All right
07:02I'm really worried, Rodney
07:05Has he ever suffered with pleurisy?
07:07Only when he's tried to spell it
07:09I'll make a pot of tea
07:15Yeah, that's for you
07:15All right
07:19Oi, Raquel, I'll have a...
07:20Oh, Raquel
07:21Can I have a cup of tea, too, please?
07:26Oi
07:26It's all right, I'll get it
07:27Oi
07:28Oh, thank you
07:29Rodney
07:30Rodney
07:30Thank you, Rodney
07:31Rodney
07:32Thank you, Rod...
07:33Rod...
07:34What?
07:34They uncaring little git
07:36I could be on me last knocking, dear
07:39He doesn't care whether I've got yellow fever or foot fungus
07:42All right, Rodgers
07:53What are you up to?
07:55Catalogging our stock
07:56Gonna put all of this on computer
07:58On computer?
08:00Now, we've had this discussion before
08:02That's dangerous
08:03That means anyone could hack in
08:05And find out what we got
08:06If we think someone was hacking into our computer
08:09All the police would have to do
08:10Is go and arrest Mr Bean
08:11I mean, look
08:14These are the entire records for Trotters Independent Traders
08:19I began filing them when I first started working for you 16 years ago
08:22But you told me to stop it
08:24Yeah, because we don't need it, do we?
08:26Because it's all up here
08:27I mean, squirrels, they ain't got computers
08:30But they know where their nuts are
08:31Well, I'm gonna make a note of everything
08:34And I'm gonna chuck a lot of this junk out
08:36Hey, be careful
08:38One man's junk is another man's treasures
08:40Derek, we have got a pile of Shawaddy Waddy LPs
08:44Under a time for a triumph herald and an artificial limb
08:47These are not gonna make big news on the Antiques Roadshow
08:51No, no, no, no
08:54Whee, these LPs, you know, they're collector's items
08:58Oh, all right
08:59Well, let's see if we can find a one-legged Shawaddy Waddy freak and flog them to
09:04And if he turns up in a triumph herald, we've had a result
09:07Look, Rodney, what is the matter with you?
09:10What is the matter with me?
09:14Yes
09:14Didn't anybody tell you?
09:17Okay, look, Rodney, I'm sorry
09:19My wife was rushed to hospital a fortnight ago and we lost a...
09:23There's nothing wrong with me, Dill, right?
09:25Everything's hunky-dory
09:26Look, look, all right
09:28Rodney, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that
09:31You know, I had a dream a few weeks ago
09:33I dreamt you and Damien ruled the world
09:35Oh, yeah?
09:37Yeah, you own companies, corporations, conglomerates everywhere
09:41It was horrible
09:43Do you know what I was?
09:46Huh?
09:47A messenger
09:48You and Damien were presidents and chairmen and I was a bloody messenger
09:52And I thought, oh, God, maybe it's not a dream
09:55Maybe it's a prophecy
09:56You know, like in the Bible when King David saw seven fat cows and seven skinny ones
10:01No, that just sounds like he's come out of the Nags Head Disco
10:05I mean, nothing's ever gone right for me, has it?
10:19No, I know what you mean, brothers
10:20I'd love a bit of good luck, Dill
10:24Not just for me, for all of us
10:27Just with something good we'd turn up
10:31So would everyone, Rodney
10:34That's why they're all out there doing the lottery, aren't they?
10:38I mean
10:39Look, if it were up to me, right
10:41What I'd like to do
10:43I'd like to be able to say, well, look, say this
10:45Say that was life's lucky dick
10:47What I would like to do
10:48I'd love to just go
10:49Ta-da!
10:50Ah, there it is, look
10:52That is going to change our lives
10:54It won't, will it, eh?
10:58Because life is not like that
11:00Have you made any attempt to discuss this with Cassandra?
11:08Dill, you just leave that alone
11:10Look, I'm only trying to help, Rodney
11:12You can't keep walking away from this
11:14I'm not walking away from it
11:16Look, you get the lift, I'll take the stairs
11:18Hang about, look, it's here now
11:20Don't bother, come on, look, it's here
11:21All right, I won't mention it again
11:23All right
11:23Look at the state of these lifts
11:31All right, what's going on in there, Brian?
11:33Well, they're just a bunch of half-heads, aren't they?
11:38Look
11:38Dill boy is a sex machine
11:41You can't say it like that
11:43The nun?
11:52Rodney Trotter?
11:55The lying gets
11:56What's happening?
12:02Hmm?
12:06Come here
12:07It's broken down
12:09Oh, the lift, it's broken down
12:11Oh, the poxy bleeding council
12:14Well, it's broken down
12:17Ain't no matter with me
12:19Well, press the alarm button
12:20Eh?
12:21I'll do it
12:21I'll press the alarm button
12:22I'm pressing the alarm button
12:24It's the alarm button
12:25It's broken
12:25That, listen
12:26It's not working either
12:27Now, that's broken
12:28Oi
12:28Hey, come on
12:29Open up here
12:30There's a couple of blokes here
12:31Trapped in the lift
12:31Oi
12:32All right, all right
12:33It's nothing to get into a lava about it
12:35Someone will press for the lift in a minute
12:38Realise it's not working
12:39And call the engineers
12:40We'll be out soon
12:41Yeah, well
12:42I just
12:43I just don't like being closed in like this
12:45I never knew you was claustrophobic
12:47I'm not
12:48I just don't like being closed in like this
12:50There we are
12:52Come on
12:53Look, sit down on the floor
12:54And relax
12:55I'll be here in a minute
12:56Yeah, yeah
12:57Yeah, all right
12:58Let's try
12:59Sit down, Rodney
12:59That's it
13:00Take it nice and easy
13:01Calm down
13:02Just calm down, will ya?
13:03Because the oxygen, right
13:09That falls down to the bottom
13:11And this way we get cleaner air
13:12Yeah, good, good
13:14Your lifts are broken again
13:31We had to carry that stuff up
13:33Twelve flights of stairs
13:34They all said
13:35Him and Rodney'd be here to help
13:37So where are they?
13:39Dunno
13:40Listen, Raquel
13:42It's not my fault
13:43Del asked me to deliver that table
13:46And to store this stuff in me lock-up
13:48Yes
13:49And the table and chairs are only on hire
13:51Yeah, they've got to go back by Monday
13:53They're having a posh stew at the town hall
13:55Well, they're not here yet, are they, eh?
14:05Hey!
14:06Hey!
14:07Well, give them time
14:08Sit down, take it easy
14:10Here, here, all right
14:12Take it easy
14:12Who's playing a game?
14:17Who play a game?
14:18Why?
14:19You've got a ball in your pocket or something?
14:20Different sort of game
14:23I spy
14:24I spy?
14:26Yeah
14:26Well, you can go first
14:28All right, then
14:30I spy with my little eye
14:31Something beginning with W
14:33Walls
14:37Walls, that's right
14:38Now, that's the end of that game then, isn't it?
14:41All right, you choose a game
14:43All right, then
14:44What about hide-and-seek?
14:45You're acting like a big kid
14:48Just because you're trapped in a lift for a while
14:50Yes
14:51Yeah, well, you don't know how I feel
14:55I feel
14:57I feel sort of
14:59Frightened
15:01You don't know what that's like
15:02I don't know what that's like
15:04How do you think I've felt for the last couple of weeks
15:06Since Cassie
15:07Since what happened
15:09I don't know
15:12I don't know how you felt, Rodney
15:14Well, I'll tell you
15:15Frightened ain't the words
15:16Do you know what I did the other night?
15:21No, but I bet it was depressing
15:22I sat and read my diaries from when I was a school kid
15:26You see, it was right
15:27No, not quite
15:29I actually noticed moments of hope within those pages
15:34I mean, there weren't many
15:36Just the occasional oasis of promise
15:40In a desert of pessimism
15:41They were simple hopes
15:44As you'd expect for someone of my age
15:46I hope for
15:48Hairs
15:50I'll do well in my exams
15:55I even hope for a good job when I left school
16:00Well, you got hairs, didn't you?
16:05Think how Wright's Head Fred must feel
16:07I think Cass was so happy now
16:11We were looking forward
16:14And all we could see in front of us
16:16Was this big, wide highway
16:18And we were just cruising down it
16:20And all of a sudden
16:22It came to a shuddering home
16:24Just like this poxy lift
16:27Suddenly happy families became dungeons and dragons
16:33And I've never felt so I didn't paint like that in all my life
16:39Is Cassandra hurting?
16:48Of course she is
16:50How do you know?
16:53You haven't talked to her about it
16:55No
16:55And you know why?
16:57It's because
16:58It's because like
17:00It's almost like
17:01If I don't talk about it
17:03And it might not be true
17:05But it is
17:07I know, I know
17:09But if I don't say it
17:11If you don't say what?
17:16We lost our baby
17:17But you did
17:23And you have said it
17:25Yeah, I said it
17:30You just
17:37You shield yourself from it, you know
17:40I've just been lying, haven't I?
17:47Yes
17:48And what about Cassandra?
17:54Not her
17:55Cassandra can't tell a lie
17:58Raquel can
18:02The moment one leaves my lips
18:06Both those lips have broken down again
18:14Is this the staff Del was talking about?
18:21Yes
18:22Cassie seems so fragile
18:30I wanted to cuddle her and talk to her about it
18:35But I was frightened I might sort of break her
18:40No
18:41She's strong, Rodney
18:44Look, it's just a dropped stitch
18:48In life's tapestry
18:50That's what Mum used to say
18:53What do I say to her, Del?
18:59Well, you tell her exactly what you told me
19:01You can leave out the bit about the hairs, if you like
19:04You go home right now and you have a heart-to-heart, right?
19:12While you're there, you ask her if she wants to come round to dinner tonight
19:15I can't, mate
19:17I've got a real problem with that
19:19What is it?
19:21I'm stuck in a bloody leaf
19:22Oh, yeah
19:25Let's have another look at this thing, shall we?
19:29Right
19:29Claustrophobia cleared up quick, didn't it?
19:35Yeah, well, I got over the worst of it
19:37Almost as quick as that flu you had this morning
19:40Well, these things, they come and go, don't they?
19:43Look at this, I wonder what this switch does here
19:44Oh
19:48Come on
19:49You
19:50You
19:51Get
19:52You stopped it
19:55It's the only way I can get you talking
19:59Can't run away in a broken lift
20:03You
20:06Get
20:07You
20:11Get
20:13Come here
20:16Oi
20:17Come on
20:19Tell us, tell us I'm bound to have forgotten something
20:24Calm down, everything's fine
20:26You'll have a hot flush in a minute
20:27I'm just so nervous, something will go wrong
20:30Del, please don't use any of your French phrases to my parents
20:35Oh, that's really hot
20:36Aren't they up on the old French lingo or what?
20:39No
20:39The meat
20:41All right, I'll get the wine out of the fridge
20:44Well, everything seems to be going according to the plan
20:46Damien, don't do that
20:50Dear, oh dear
20:51Look, it's only plastic, you'll break it
20:53Make the gravy and put it in the bottom of it
20:57Thank you, Albert
20:58Hey, Damien, you go and sit round there, all right?
21:00Go on, there's a good boy
21:01Right, now, remember, we've got to go, uh
21:03Girl boy, girl boy, girl boy
21:04And Uncle Alba
21:06Um, starting if you see you, hey, what's that?
21:10Oh, God
21:10It's him
21:11Calm down the lot of your own arms at the door
21:14Not a good you'd have been on the Russian conboys
21:16Good evening, please come in
21:24You must be Raquel's parents
21:26Yes, my wife Audrey and I'm James
21:29Lovely to meet you
21:31Please follow me
21:32She did say he was older than her
21:38Hi, Mum
21:44Dad
21:45Daddy
21:45How are you?
21:47Nanny, Grandad
21:48Oh, watch out, here comes trouble
21:49Now, Mum, Dad
21:51This is Derek's brother, Rodney
21:53And his wife, Cassandra
21:54James and Audrey
21:55Lovely to meet you
21:57Lovely to meet you
21:59And this is my
22:00And this is my
22:00This is Derek
22:04Au revoir
22:05Oh, you had to
22:09We thought
22:10We thought you were busy working this evening
22:13Oh, no, not this evening
22:15No, no
22:15Not on a special occasion like this
22:18As it is a special occasion
22:19I bought this rather nice bottle of port
22:21It's 15 years old
22:23Ooh, thank you
22:2415 years old
22:26Well, if you watch that
22:27It might have acne
22:28It's not the acne
22:32Well, OK, let's get started
22:34Shall we start off with a nice little
22:36A, uh, aperitif
22:38Right?
22:38OK
22:39Here we have it
22:40I'm knocking them bandy, aren't I?
22:47Right
22:48There's the gravy
22:49Ah, Rodney
22:51Would you fill the wine glasses, please?
22:53Oh, yes, of course
22:54More wine and I'll drink
22:56Thank you
22:57James?
22:59I don't think I should
23:00I've got to drive back to the hotel tonight
23:02Why don't you get a cab back
23:03Pick up the car in the morning?
23:05What do you think?
23:06It's your decision
23:07Well, the hell
23:08Pour away, Rodney
23:09Yes, that's the spirit
23:11You don't make sense
23:12You always leave your car outside
23:14He better put his car in our garage, eh?
23:18Is it not safe outside?
23:19Well, not if you've become attached to your wheels, it's not
23:22So, here we go, look
23:25Now, excuse me
23:27Well, I'm just going to get another bottle of wine
23:32So why don't you all, um, you know
23:35Chapelle a dent, right?
23:39So, Albert was in the Navy?
23:41Very much so
23:42I was in the Royal Navy myself
23:44Twelve years, first officer
23:46You and Albert will have to have a chat
23:48After we've gone home
23:50It's going really well out there
23:54Had to come and open another bottle of wine
23:57What are you doing?
23:59I've made a coffee
24:00What do you mean you've made a coffee?
24:03It's too early
24:04They haven't finished their mains yet
24:06It don't usually take us that long to finish our dinner, does it?
24:09No, I know that
24:10That is because we're not golloping down a Big Mac and Chips, are we?
24:15We've got guests
24:16We're taking our time
24:18We're savouring the food and the ambience
24:21We're sipping the wine and we're conversing
24:23I mean, out there, they're having a chat
24:26Between each mouth
24:28It's sophisticated
24:29It's civilised
24:31Right?
24:33OK, don't worry
24:33I'll whack this in the microwave
24:36Oi, just a minute
24:40What coffee did you make this with?
24:43That jar over there
24:44This ain't coffee
24:47Smell it
24:48It's bloody gravy
24:49Yeah, that's gravy
24:52It's not my fault
24:53It's NGO
24:54Look at them
24:55How am I supposed to tell the difference?
24:57I'll tell you how you tell the difference
24:59This one has on the label
25:01Maxwell House Coffee
25:03On this label it says
25:04OXO Gravy Granules
25:06That's a bit of a giveaway, really, isn't it?
25:10Well, I was in an area and I got mixed up
25:13I'll mix you up in a minute
25:15Wait a minute
25:16Wait a minute
25:17If you've made gravy in the coffin
25:20What are they pouring over their dinners in?
25:28This looks lovely, darling
25:29Thank you
25:32All right
25:34Wonderful
25:35Gusty
25:38They're only doing it
25:44They're only out there doing it now
25:47They're only pouring Maxwell Bleed Now
25:50With their loud noise weights and veg
25:53I don't believe you
25:57Not only have you managed to sink
26:00Every aircraft carrier and battleship
26:02That you've assailed on
26:03But now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat
26:06What are we going to do?
26:11Well, I ain't having any of it
26:12Not yet, darling
26:17Wait for Daddy
26:18So, how long were you in the Navy, Albert?
26:20Over 50 years, man and boy
26:22Started in the merchant
26:24Went on to the royal
26:25Then back to the merchant
26:26Amazing
26:27You must have some stories to tell
26:29Oh, God, yes
26:31Sorry about that
26:34I couldn't get the cork out of the wine
26:36Del?
26:38Hmm? No
26:39No, thank you
26:41I'm trying to give it up
26:43Albert?
26:44Don't do for me, dear
26:45Oh, yes, you'll have some
26:46You know how you like your gravy
26:50Don't you?
26:51Are you a naval man, Derek?
27:04No
27:05No, James
27:06I'm more of a leg man myself
27:07No, Dad meant
27:14Were you in the Navy?
27:16Oh, I see
27:17No, I wasn't actually, James
27:19Though, when I was younger
27:20I did consider a career
27:22In the services
27:23This is horrible
27:31I hope you won't be offended, darling
27:44But I'm rather full up
27:45No, no, come on
27:50We've got afters to come, yeah?
27:51We've got Mandarin segments
27:53And instant whip
27:53No
27:54All right
27:56Well, I'll fetch the coffee
27:59Great
28:02Ah, ahoy there, Jimbo
28:11Morning, Derek
28:12Rodney
28:13How are you this morning?
28:15Oh, fine
28:16Had a bit of a jippy tummy last night
28:18Well, thanks for looking after the car
28:20Ah, monge tu, monge tu, mon plageur
28:23Oh, this is your ladding's cave
28:25I've heard so much about
28:26Yes, yes, this is it
28:28As I was saying, Jim
28:29You know, you and I
28:30Are in the same sort of business
28:31I mean, you're an antiques dealer
28:33And I've got some interesting things
28:35Yes
28:36Well, my dad
28:37Long journey
28:38You must come down and visit us sometime
28:40Oh, yes, I will
28:40You bet
28:41Now, you mind how you go, eh?
28:44What's that?
28:44Um, it's a gas stove
28:47No, I mean on top of it
28:50Oh, that's just an old watch
28:55I got out of a house clearance years ago
28:58I'll tell you what I have got
28:59I've got some very nice
29:00Shawaddy-waddy LPs
29:02Good lord
29:09I know, it's filthy, isn't it, eh?
29:11Er, Rudney, have you got any of that WD-40 there?
29:14We give this thing a buck up
29:15No, I mean it has the name Harrison engraved in it
29:17You can see there
29:18Harrison AD 1774
29:21How did you come by this watch, darling?
29:26Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago
29:29There was this old girl down Deptford Way
29:31She owned a pawn shop anyway
29:33She died, right?
29:35She had no family
29:35So they sold off the shop
29:37And her landlord asked me to clear out her house
29:40And I found that
29:41And a load of other rubbish up in the loft
29:43Why, is it any good, then?
29:46Good?
29:48John Harrison was just about the finest watchmaker of his time
29:51Of any time
29:52If this is what I'm beginning to think it is
29:57God, I'm shaking
29:58Why, you didn't have that much to drink last night, did you?
30:02Have you any proof that this watch is your property?
30:05A receipt, something like that?
30:06Oh, well, no, you see, don't keep receipts
30:09They just clutter the place up
30:12Well, do you reckon that's worth something, then?
30:15Assuming it's not a copy
30:17Yes
30:18Hold on
30:1916 years ago
30:20That's when I started working for you
30:22Yes, thank you, Rodney
30:23Could we leave This Is Your Life to Michael Aspel?
30:27I meant I used to keep files, then
30:30Hold on
30:30Hold on
30:31You see, Derek
30:34I've always been very keen on horology
30:36Nothing
30:37I thought it was too good to be true
30:41Now he's going to tell our bloody fortune
30:43Horology
30:46He's an expert in watches
30:48Oh, that sort of horology
30:51I've got it
30:52I've got it
30:53Proceed from the landlord, look
30:55For two paintings
30:57Four jugs
30:58One rocking chair
30:59One silver fob watch
31:00Engraved Harrison
31:01Good boy, Rodders
31:04What I've always told you
31:06I've always said
31:07Always keep the receipts
31:08I mean, Andy
31:10What have you written, don't you?
31:12Victoria?
31:12Yes, thank you very much, Rodney
31:13There you are, Jimbo
31:14This is marvellous
31:15I've never been so excited
31:16I bet Audrey had a blinding honeymoon, then
31:19I'm almost too frightened to say it
31:26To put it simply
31:28Back in the early 1700s
31:30Sea captains found it almost impossible to plot their positions once out of sight of land
31:34Until John Harrison invented the first accurate marine timekeeper
31:39To tell seafarers exactly where they were on the globe
31:42He went on to make many of these instruments
31:44And we know the whereabouts of all of them
31:46Except the last one
31:49The lesser watch, as he called it
31:51We have his designs for the piece
31:52But the watch itself was never found
31:54People have been searching for it for over 300 years
31:57We don't think that's it, do you?
32:00If it is, Rodney
32:01God
32:03So the next thing we know, right
32:08Raquel's old man's been on the phone to us
32:11Yeah
32:11And he's shown it to some experts
32:13And it's only kosher
32:15What, this is the watch that's been missing for over 300 years?
32:18Yes, the Harrison Lesser watch
32:20So what is it?
32:27It's a watch
32:29Yeah, but it's more than that
32:31It lets you know exactly where you are
32:33Anywhere in the world
32:35How did it get lost then?
32:42I don't know how it got lost
32:43Well, I just did
32:44Yeah, if I hadn't realised its full value
32:47And rescued it
32:48I mean, it could have ended up anywhere
32:50Yeah, like chucked on top of an old gas cooker
32:52And it's going to be
32:55Oh, sure
32:56That's right, it's afternoon
32:572.30, it's have a bit
32:59Ooh
33:00Ooh
33:01Ooh
33:03So how much do you reckon it's worth then?
33:12Well, you see, I don't know
33:13Cos nothing like this has ever come on the market before
33:15Could be, what, 10 grand?
33:17Yeah, 15
33:1820 maybe
33:19Well, on your way back from the auction
33:21Drop by my showrooms
33:22I've got a lovely couple of Skodas at 5 grand
33:25You won't be laughing like that when we come back to start a noon
33:30So you two could be famous then?
33:32Well, among watchmakers
33:33Well, why not?
33:36You know, we discovered it
33:37And as Andy Warhol said
33:39Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes
33:41Well, how can everyone be famous for 15 minutes?
33:43There's not enough time in the world, is there?
33:47Well, no, no
33:48He didn't mean everyone would be famous
33:50You know, he was just generalising upon modern society
33:53You know, people become famous for a little while
33:55Then they disappear
33:56Yeah, like
33:57Rennie and Renata
33:58Simon Dee
34:00Or Gandhi
34:02Yeah
34:03So, see, maybe this time
34:07It's odd
34:07Gandhi
34:09Yeah
34:11I mean, he made one great film
34:13And then he never saw him again
34:14No, let's go
34:22Let's go
34:2322,000
34:3724,000
34:408
34:4230
34:4432
34:4635
34:4935,000
34:5238,000
34:56One more bid
34:5940,000
35:02The bid is 40,000 pounds
35:05Is that the house, Rodney?
35:06Don't be stupid
35:0845,000
35:1045,000
35:14I'm selling at 45,000
35:16Sold at 45,000
35:18Paddle number 674
35:21Now we come to lot 73
35:25A solid silver pocket marine timekeeper
35:32This was found in London by two brothers
35:35Unfortunately
35:36They held on to the piece for 16 years
35:38Believing it to be a Victorian egg timer
35:40As we know, this is quite simply
35:47The most significant discovery
35:49In horological terms of this century
35:51The watch has been authenticated
35:53And accepted by all the leading experts
35:55As being the last watch ever made
35:57By John Harrison
35:58It is the fabled H6
36:00The until now
36:02Mythical
36:03Lesser
36:04Watch
36:04I feel I need say no more
36:07I'd like to start the bidding
36:09At 150,000
36:11Thank you
36:18200,000
36:21250
36:23Oh dear
36:27It's when he said
36:29150,000
36:30That's when I come over
36:32Real badly
36:32Who went on, Dale?
36:35200,000
36:36250
36:37Free
36:38Huh?
36:38That's when I dragged you out
36:39You mean it ended up
36:41At 300,000
36:43Pounds?
36:43It's still going on
36:44Oh come on
36:46Let's get back up here
36:47Three and a quarter
36:50The bid is in the room
36:54Three and a half
36:57350,000
37:00Quid
37:01Three and three quarters
37:05Four
37:07Thank you
37:08The bid stands at four million pounds
37:13Two and a half
37:35Three and a half
37:37Two and a half
37:41So, what was the final outcome?
37:49It was brought by an anonymous bidder.
37:52He's giving it to the Maritime Museum at Greenwich,
37:55so at least it stays in the country.
37:57Oh, yeah, well, that's nice, isn't it?
38:02Oh, you wally.
38:04What was the final score?
38:08What exactly did it go for?
38:10Four.
38:11Oh, um...
38:176.2 million.
38:21So that's...
38:24just over 3 million each.
38:29Well, we've had worse days.
38:32No, no.
38:37You want to go first, or should I?
38:40Well, you know, well, why don't we go together?
38:44Yeah, yeah, all right.
38:47One, two, three...
38:50Yes!
38:51Yes!
39:07Bring the family down.
39:12There'll be your phone girl.
39:12I'll take it next to it.
39:17It's beautiful though, isn't it, Rodders, eh?
39:20Luxury and style.
39:22Very me, don't you think?
39:24Yeah.
39:26Buy it.
39:28Yeah, shall I?
39:29You like it.
39:31Buy it.
39:33No, no, no, no, no.
39:35Not until that cheque is cleared.
39:37I've got a terrible feeling that this whole deal is going to go pear-shaped.
39:40Yeah, we are dealing with Sotheby's and the Greenwich Museum, not Ronnie and Reggie.
39:48But I mean, if this goes tits up, I'm landed with a 70 grand debt, aren't I?
39:53Yeah, I take your point.
39:55Well, go on in.
39:56You sit in a nice car.
39:58See if it suits you.
40:00Yeah, all right, Ed, I will.
40:04Yes, my son.
40:06Oh, yes.
40:10That Rolls-Royce is out of here.
40:15I want to buy it.
40:17Oh, that's a good one, Rodney.
40:20Tell me, what drugs are you on this week?
40:22There you go.
40:46Shows.
40:47You want the roller?
40:51Shows?
40:53I just bought it for you.
40:58You bought this roller for me?
41:02Why?
41:04A little present.
41:06Just to say...
41:08thanks.
41:09Thanks.
41:17Thanks.
41:17Thanks.
41:19Thanks.
41:20Thanks.
41:23Thanks.
41:41Thanks.
41:42Thanks.
41:43Blessed are you.
42:45Yes, sir. What can I get you?
43:03Champagne all round.
43:05Oh, well done. Aren't you going to lift our wallets at home again?
43:15Oh, please, sir. That is not a problem.
43:18On the slate, Mike.
43:19On the house, Bill.
43:25No, no, no, no, Michael. We'll pay our way.
43:28And while we're at it, we'll have all your sandwiches.
43:30That's it? Right.
43:32OK.
43:33No, no, Rodney. I'll get the sandwiches, because you bought the rolls.
43:37No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
44:07Staring at the fire for hours and hours
44:15While I listen to you
44:19Play your love songs all night long
44:25For me, only for me
44:33Come to me now
44:39And rest your head for just once
44:43Everything is done
44:48Such a cozy room
44:53The windows are illuminated by the evening
45:00Sunshine, sunshine, sunshine
45:05For me, only for me
45:15Our house is a very, very, very fine house
45:24With two dogs in the yard
45:27Life used to be so hard
45:31Now everything is easy because of you
45:36That's a lot of några
45:47And there is a lot of
46:05Our house is a very, very, very fine house
46:12With two dogs in the yard
46:15Life used to be so hard
46:19Now everything is easy because of you
46:24I'll light the fire
46:34You place the flowers in the vase
46:41That you bought today
47:04We start to make it beautiful
47:11We start to make a glass of paper
47:13A little bit of a glass of water
47:16Like a little bit of a glass of water
47:21Del Boy, it's time to get up at 7.30.
47:42Yeah, all right, Mum.
47:45It's your fault if you've got a hangover.
47:48You can't have today off.
47:49You're taking your 11+.
47:51I never raised the hand of your mother, Rodney,
48:00except in self-defence.
48:11Your dad always said that one day Del Boy had reached the top.
48:15There again he used to say that one day Millwall would win the cup.
48:19LAUGHTER
48:19All right?
48:42What are you doing here?
48:48Raquel phoned.
48:50Said you'd gone missing.
48:52I said wait for the ransom note to arrive,
48:54but she said go and find him, so...
48:56I guess you'd be here.
49:00Yeah, just taking one last look at the old place, Rodney.
49:03Funny, isn't it, just think of all them years, you know?
49:08Us scrimping and scraping,
49:11going out in all hours,
49:14just trying to earn a few bobs so we could put a bit of grub on the table.
49:19And all the time down in that garage,
49:22we had this famous thing,
49:24worth six million quid.
49:28Yeah, that had crossed my mind, I know.
49:32Still.
49:36Put a flat on the market yet?
49:37No, not yet, no.
49:41No, I just didn't have the heart to.
49:45You know, when we think about Mum and Grandad.
49:50Yeah, I'll do it in a couple of weeks, you know.
49:53I'll give it to some estate agent.
49:55You know, I'll let them have the carpet.
50:03Yeah, they won't mind.
50:07Yeah, talking about that,
50:08I called in to the travel agents the other day,
50:11booked us all a holiday in Barbados.
50:14It's all right, no, you know.
50:16My tree.
50:17Nice.
50:19Flying first class.
50:21Concorde.
50:22Ah, even better.
50:25Shame about Albert's boat, wasn't it?
50:36Well, it's a stupid place to put a bridge, wasn't it?
50:40I thought that, right over a river like that.
50:47So, how are you?
50:48Me?
50:51No, I'm, you know, wonderful, aren't I?
50:52You know, everything's coming like roses, aren't I?
50:57All right, what's wrong?
50:58I've always wanted to be a millionaire, Rodney, you know.
51:09I always wanted a Rolls Royce and big ass in the country
51:13and jet off to the Caribbean and all that.
51:16We've got it.
51:19I know.
51:19But it's not like I thought it would be, you know?
51:27All the dreaming and the scheming and the chasing and the trying.
51:34That was the fun part, you know?
51:37It was like, it was dangerous.
51:40It was, it was impossible.
51:42It was like, Columbo sailing away to find America.
51:54You know, and just not knowing whether he was going to fall off the edge of the world.
52:00That's how I used to feel.
52:04Well, you fell off a couple of times, didn't you?
52:05Once a month, bruv, once a month, regular.
52:12Now I've, you know, now I've done it, now I've achieved what I wanted.
52:19The chase, you know, it's finished.
52:24The hunt is over.
52:29What am I going to do now?
52:31Learn to play golf.
52:32Well, you've got the trousers for it, at least.
52:39Now, why don't you just enjoy your retirement?
52:43Because I don't want to enjoy my retirement.
52:47I want to feel like I used to feel, you know?
52:50All eager and alive.
52:54You know, I want, I want something exciting to happen.
53:01Dear, oh, dear.
53:02What are you doing?
53:03I thought you was a ghost, then?
53:05He never did get the hang of this haunting lark, did he?
53:08What are you two doing here?
53:10Well, never mind what us two are doing here.
53:12What are you doing here?
53:13Well, I've just come back to pick up a few of my belongings.
53:17I thought I'd have one last look at the flat
53:19before you sell it.
53:21Yeah, well, we've had a good look, eh?
53:27Come on, let's lock up and go.
53:28I don't know.
53:42Must have forgot to tell British Telecom, eh, that we'd gone.
53:45Yeah, hello.
53:48Who?
53:49Oh, hello, Lenny.
53:51How you doing, pal?
53:52All right?
53:54It's Lenny Norris.
53:55You do what?
54:00Really?
54:01Hang on.
54:03Listen, he's got 250 electronic carpet steamers, right?
54:08Now, listen, they retail at 115 quid.
54:11He's going to let us have them for 25 knicker.
54:15Dale, we're not in the business anymore.
54:20I know.
54:21Roddy, we can double our money on this.
54:26Derek, can you hear me over those trousers?
54:33We're not in the business anymore, mate.
54:41Hello, Lenny.
54:44No, we're not interested.
54:49Trotter's Independent Traders
54:50have ceased trading.
54:55Bonjour.
55:02Oh, well.
55:04Tell you what.
55:06Fancy going down to the Golden Dragon for a Chinese?
55:09Yeah.
55:10I'm feeling a bit peckish now you mention it.
55:12Yeah, I could do a sweet and sour something.
55:16Yeah, all right.
55:18I'll tell you what, Rodders.
55:20Let's leave the cars here, shall we,
55:21and, you know, just...
55:23Just take a toad.
55:25Yeah, all right.
55:29Mons du.
55:32Mons du?
55:35What a fool I've been.
55:37What's wrong now?
55:38Well, here I am thinking,
55:39now we've got all this money,
55:41you know, that spells like the end of it.
55:44It don't, does it?
55:46It's like the beginning.
55:48Because for the first time in our lives,
55:50we have got money to invest.
55:53No.
55:54Don't invest with this investment.
55:56Oh, come on, Rodders.
55:57You remember all those years you used to say to me,
56:00Del Boy, we should be investing.
56:01No, no, I never said that.
56:03Well, it must be me, then.
56:04I remember it was one of us got it right.
56:06But now we can invest big time in the futures market.
56:10Hey, we can get into Hong Kong,
56:12Singapore, Peking.
56:13I don't want to invest.
56:15All right?
56:17Rodders, have I ever let you down?
56:20Yes.
56:21Well, a couple of years ago,
56:23when you told me I'd won a holiday in a painting competition,
56:26but forgot to mention that for the entire week,
56:28I'd have to pretend to be 14.
56:30It's always been your problem, Rodney.
56:34Always dwelling on the past.
56:37Mum said to me on her deathbed.
56:39Oi, now don't you start on about mum on her deathbed?
56:41She said to me on her deathbed,
56:43she said to me,
56:43if ever you and little Rodney become rich,
56:46you must invest in the futures market.
56:49Are you a liar?
56:50Hmm?
56:50Because there wasn't a futures market when mum was alive.
56:53Ah, no, but then there you go, see.
56:54That shows you how visionary she was.
56:57Come on, Rodney, this is our big charm.
57:00Eh?
57:01He who dares wins.
57:03This time next year, we could be billionaires.
57:14We've got some art-priced practice
57:16and numbers and numbers that can't retire.
57:17TV's, TV's and babies going in here.
57:20Evening boochies, whistling to another person.
57:24Trevor comes with track suits from omission.
57:26Shepherds, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush.
57:28No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee, black or white, rich or blue, we'll cut prices and a straw.
57:44God bless Hooky Street, Viva Hooky Street, Long live Hooky Street, same magnifique Hooky Street, magnifique Hooky Street.
57:58Hooky Street, Hooky Street, Hooky Street, Hooky Street, Hooky Street.
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