- 5 months ago
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00:00Potatoes, garlic, lemongrass.
00:08Lemongrass? Where am I going to get lemongrass from?
00:11Oh, to hell with it. We'll have to have it without lemongrass.
00:14Yeah, why are you doing that this early?
00:17Look, so you're up, I'll sit.
00:18I couldn't sleep. I'm worried about tonight.
00:20No, you don't have to worry, sweetheart.
00:22It's only your mum and dad, isn't it, coming for dinner?
00:24It's not only my mum and dad coming for dinner.
00:26Isn't it? Why? What, they're bringing the neighbours and all, are they?
00:30No, I mean, it's not that simple.
00:31My parents and I didn't see each other for years, didn't even talk.
00:35Yeah, I know, but you've kissed and made up now, haven't you?
00:37You and Damien, you went up there for the weekend at their house.
00:39Well, I know, but now they're coming here.
00:41They've never been to the flat before.
00:43I've never cooked for them before.
00:45They've never met you before.
00:49Well, exactly, I'd be right by your side, wouldn't I, eh?
00:51Anyway, what did you tell them about me?
00:54Well, I said your name was Derek.
00:57That's about it, really.
01:00Yeah, well, with a bloke like me, that's all you need to know, really, isn't it, eh?
01:04Right.
01:06What are you going to do us to eat?
01:07Noisettes of lamb in red wine and cognac.
01:10You don't need to go to all that trouble, sweetheart.
01:11A bacon sandwich will do me.
01:15Oh, I see.
01:15Oh, that's for tonight.
01:17Oh, lamb in wine.
01:19Eh, that's going to be lovely jubbly.
01:21Morning, all.
01:21Ah, morning, hon.
01:22Morning.
01:23And another thing.
01:23You promised to get another table and some proper armchairs.
01:26We can't eat at that thing.
01:27It's all right, it's all right.
01:28It's taken care of, sweetheart.
01:30Denzel's coming round later on.
01:32He's going to clear all this gear out and drop off the new stuff.
01:35Anyway, I don't know why you're going to all this bother.
01:37Really, I don't.
01:38I said we could take them out for dinner.
01:40You know, I'm really well in with the manager at a local restaurant.
01:44No.
01:44This is my home now.
01:46And if my parents want me back in their lives, they'd better get used to it.
01:49Besides, the Spudgy Lights always full on a Friday.
01:52That's true.
01:53Anyway, I'll get some breakfast then, shall I?
01:55OK.
01:55Will you check me on a bar, see if we've got any cognac?
01:57Yeah, all right.
01:59There you go.
01:59Yeah, I've got plenty of it.
02:01All right, Albert, what do you want?
02:02Well, we're starting early.
02:03I'll have a cognac as well.
02:04No, no, you old git.
02:08That's for tonight, that.
02:09Look, will you tell Raquel to stop worrying and fussing about this meal tonight?
02:14You've got nothing to worry about, love.
02:15Well, all in the hand, you do the meat and I'll do the gravy.
02:19Yeah, that's all right.
02:19And I'll do the veg.
02:20I'm a dab hand with a pint of water and a bucket of cabbage.
02:23There you go.
02:23The only thing we've got to worry about is whether that bloody lift's working.
02:27Broke down twice this week.
02:28We can't have Cassandra climbing up all those stairs, not after what she's been through.
02:32Are her and Rodney coming to dinner?
02:35Well, I invited them, but the way they are at the moment, who knows?
02:38Yeah, well, I hope they do.
02:39They need to get out.
02:40What do you mean, Rodney's out every night?
02:41Yes, I know.
02:42He's got a lot on his mind, Raquel.
02:44He's got a lot on his mind.
02:45And how do you think Cassandra feels?
02:47She's the one who's had the miscarriage.
02:49She needs her husband by her side, not out drinking in some pub or club.
02:53Yes, I know, but she's a woman, isn't she?
02:55She's stronger than Rodney.
02:59No, I mean, I've known Rodney all his life.
03:02He's always had this problem about facing up to things that hurt him.
03:07What he tends to do is to walk away and pretend it isn't happening.
03:10That's what he's doing now.
03:12But, you know, as soon as he gets it off his chest, he's going to be fine.
03:16See?
03:16All right, don't worry, I'll get it.
03:21Trotters, independent traders.
03:24Oh, hello, Cassandra.
03:26Cool, you're up early.
03:27What are you doing that for?
03:28You are?
03:29Oh, right.
03:32Rodney was only out again last night.
03:35Didn't get home till the early hours.
03:37Oh, no, you were with him.
03:43Well, you'd better talk to her.
03:44Come on, then, you talk to her, will you?
03:45I'll take it in the kitchen.
03:46Yeah, all right, all right.
03:48What Rodney needs is a counter-worry.
03:50You what?
03:51Well, during the...
03:52If you say during the war, once more, I'm going to pour this cup of tea right over your head.
03:56I wasn't going to say during the war.
03:58Well, that's all right, then.
04:00Bloody little Noel.
04:01You're all right.
04:02I'm sorry.
04:05During the 1939-1945 conflict in Germany...
04:10I was sailing on a frigate, HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic.
04:17Now, in those days, the ship's crew was full of stress and fear.
04:21Yeah, I'm not surprised when they saw you walking up the gangbang.
04:25So our old skipper, Captain Kingworthy, used to relay all those fears by creating a counter-worry.
04:30Like one day he announced there was a cholera epidemic on the ship.
04:34Really?
04:34Well, that must have cheered you all up, didn't it?
04:36Well, it took their minds off the U-boats and the Sharks.
04:40I see.
04:40Well, it's a good job your Captain Kenworthy didn't join the Samaritans.
04:44Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to get a barge under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies.
04:48He's still the same.
04:50Cassandra said he's even stopped going to see the councillor at the hospital.
04:53Oh, dear.
04:54Well, Albert reckons we ought to tell Rodney that there's a cholera epidemic in Beckham,
04:58and that should get him out of his mood.
05:00I see.
05:01Give him a counter-way.
05:02Look, if Rodney thought a close friend or a relative was ill,
05:06he'd start worrying about them and stop worrying about himself.
05:09Yeah, I see.
05:10So when that person became better,
05:12Rodney would have forgotten what he was worried about in the first place.
05:15Exactly.
05:16Well, it's worth a try.
05:17It's got to be someone he really cares for.
05:20Damien.
05:21How can you ask a five-year-old to act ill?
05:23I could pretend for you.
05:25Yes, but how would he know the difference?
05:28No, no.
05:29Look, it's got to be me, ain't it?
05:30Eh?
05:31All right.
05:31That's him now.
05:32All right.
05:32All right.
05:33OK.
05:33Come on.
05:33We'll give it a well.
05:34We'll give it a try.
05:35I'm ill.
05:35All right.
05:36Come on.
05:38Good morning.
05:41Good morning, son.
05:42How's Cassandra?
05:44Fine, thank you.
05:45Good morning, Rodney.
05:49How are you?
05:51I'm all right.
05:54Del's not very well, Rodney.
05:56Oh, well, I'll go home then.
06:00It's all right.
06:00I might make a recovery.
06:02We called a doctor in last night.
06:06I bet you're wondering what he said, aren't you?
06:12What?
06:13He said I would live, but he didn't recommend it.
06:17All right.
06:18I'm really worried, Rodney.
06:24Has he ever suffered with pleurisy?
06:26Only when he's tried to spell it.
06:32I'll make a pot of tea.
06:33You're nice, we are.
06:37All right.
06:38Oi, Raquel, I'll have a cup.
06:39Oh, Raquel.
06:42Can I have a cup of tea, too, please?
06:45Hey.
06:45It's all right.
06:46I'll get it.
06:46I...
06:47Oh, thank you.
06:48Rodney.
06:49Rodney.
06:49Thank you, Rodney.
06:50Rodney.
06:51Thank you, Rod...
06:52Rod...
06:53Well, we...
06:53They uncaring little git.
06:56Fucker be on me last knockings here.
06:58He doesn't care whether I've got yellow fever or foot fungus.
07:01Are you all right, Rodgers?
07:12What are you up to?
07:14Catalog in our stock.
07:16I'm going to put all of this on computer.
07:17On computer?
07:19Now, we've had this discussion before.
07:21That's dangerous.
07:22That means anyone could hack in and find out what we've got.
07:25I don't think someone was hacking into our computer.
07:28All the police would have to do is go and arrest Mr Bean.
07:32I mean, look.
07:34These are the entire records for Trotters Independent Traders.
07:38I began filing them when I first started working for you 16 years ago,
07:41but you told me to stop it.
07:43Yeah, because we don't need it, do we?
07:45Because it's all up here.
07:47I mean, squirrels, they ain't got computers,
07:49but they know where their nuts are.
07:51Well, I've got to make a note of everything,
07:53and I've got to chuck a lot of this junk out.
07:55Hey, be careful.
07:57One man's junk is another man's treasures.
07:59Derek, we have got a pile of Shawaddy Waddy LPs
08:03under a time for a Triumph Herald and an artificial limb.
08:07These are not going to make big news on the Antiques Roadshow.
08:12All right.
08:12Well, let's see if we can find a one-legged Shawaddy Waddy freak
08:22and flog them two.
08:23And if he turns up in a Triumph Herald, we've had a result.
08:27Look, Rodney, what is the matter with you?
08:29What is the matter with me?
08:33Yes.
08:34Didn't anybody tell you?
08:36Yeah, look, Rodney, I'm sorry.
08:38My wife was rushed to hospital a fortnight ago and we lost the...
08:42There's nothing wrong with me, Dill, right?
08:44Everything's hunky-dory.
08:46Look, look, it's all right.
08:48Rodney, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
08:50You know, I had a dream a few weeks ago.
08:52I dreamt you and Damien ruled the world.
08:55Oh, yeah?
08:56Yeah.
08:56Yeah, you own companies, corporations, conglomerates everywhere.
09:01It was horrible.
09:04Do you know what I was?
09:05Huh?
09:06A messenger.
09:07You and Damien were presidents and chairmen and I was a bloody messenger.
09:12And I thought, oh, God, maybe it's not a dream.
09:14Maybe it's a prophecy.
09:16You know, like in the Bible when King David saw seven fat cows
09:19and seven skinny ones.
09:21No, that just sounds like he's come out of the Nags Head Disco.
09:25Yeah.
09:26Seven fat cows.
09:29I mean, nothing's ever gone right for me, has it?
09:38No, I know what you mean, brothers.
09:41I'd love a bit of good luck, Dill.
09:44Not just for me, for all of us.
09:46Just wish something good would turn up.
09:51So would everyone, Rodney.
09:54That's why they're all out there doing the lottery, aren't they?
09:57I mean, look, if it were up to me, right,
10:01what I'd like to do, I'd like to be able to say, well, look, say this.
10:04Say that was life's lucky dick.
10:06What I would like to do, I'd love to just go...
10:08Ta-da!
10:10There it is, look.
10:11That is going to change our lives.
10:14It won't, will it, eh?
10:17Because life is not like that.
10:20No.
10:24Have you made any attempt to discuss this with Cassandra?
10:27Dill, you just leave that line.
10:29Look, I'm only trying to help, Rodney.
10:31You can't keep walking away from this.
10:33I'm not walking away from it.
10:35Look, you get the lift, I'll take the stairs.
10:37Hang about.
10:38Look, it's here now.
10:39Don't bother.
10:39Come on, look, it's here.
10:40All right?
10:40I won't mention it again.
10:42All right?
10:48Look at the state of these lifts.
10:51Oh, what's going on in there, Rodney?
10:52Well, just a bunch of half-heads, aren't they?
10:57Look.
10:58Del Boy is a sex machine.
11:01I've got something like that.
11:02I don't know.
11:11Rodney Trotter?
11:13The lying gates?
11:18What's happening?
11:21Hmm?
11:21Oh, God.
11:25Hey.
11:27It's broken down.
11:29Oh, the lift, it's broken down.
11:30Oh, the poxy bleeding council.
11:35Well, it's broken down.
11:36It ain't the matter with me.
11:38Well, press the alarm button.
11:39Hey.
11:40I'll do it.
11:40I'll press the alarm button.
11:41I'm pressing the alarm button.
11:43It's the alarm button.
11:44It's broken.
11:44That, listen, it's not working either now.
11:46That's broken.
11:47Hey.
11:47Hey, come on.
11:48Open up here.
11:49There's a couple of blokes here trapped in the lift.
11:50Hey.
11:51All right, all right.
11:52There's no need to get into a lava about it.
11:55Someone will press for the lift in a minute, realise it's not working and call the engineers.
11:59We'll be out soon.
12:01Yeah, well, I just don't like being closed in like this.
12:05I never knew you was claustrophobic.
12:07I'm not.
12:07I just don't like being closed in like this.
12:11There.
12:11Come on, look.
12:12Sit down on the floor and relax.
12:14I'll be here in a minute.
12:15Yeah, yeah.
12:17Yeah, all right.
12:17Sit down, Rodney.
12:18That's it.
12:19That's it.
12:19Take it nice and easy.
12:20Calm down.
12:21Just calm down, will you?
12:27Because the oxygen, right, that falls down to the bottom and this way we get cleaner air.
12:32Yeah.
12:32Good.
12:32Good.
12:33Your lifts are broken again.
12:51We had to carry that stuff up to our flights of stairs.
12:54Bill said him and Rodney'd be here to help.
12:56So where are they?
12:58I don't know.
13:00Listen, Raquel, it's not my fault.
13:03Del asked me to deliver that table and to store this stuff in me lock-up.
13:07Yes.
13:08And the table and chairs are only on hire.
13:11Yeah, they've got to go back by Monday.
13:12They're having a posh do at the town hall.
13:22Well, they're not here yet, are they, eh?
13:24Eh?
13:25Eh?
13:25Well, give them time.
13:27Sit down.
13:28Take it easy.
13:30Yeah.
13:30Yeah, all right.
13:31Take it easy.
13:32Let's play a game.
13:36They play a game?
13:37Why?
13:37You've got a ball in your pocket or something?
13:40A different sort of game.
13:42I spy.
13:44I spy?
13:45Yeah.
13:46Well, you can go first.
13:48All right, then.
13:49I spy with my little I something beginning with W.
13:56Walls.
13:56Walls, that's right.
13:57Well, that's the end of that game, then, isn't it?
14:00All right.
14:01You choose a game.
14:02All right, then.
14:03What about hide and seek?
14:04You're acting like a big kid just because you're trapped in a lift for a while.
14:10Yes.
14:12Yeah, well, you don't know how I feel.
14:15I feel...
14:16I feel sort of frightened.
14:20You don't know what that's like.
14:21I don't know what that's like.
14:24How do you think I've felt for the last couple of weeks since Cassie...
14:27Since what happened?
14:30I don't know.
14:31I don't know how you felt, Rodney.
14:33Well, I'll tell you.
14:34Frightened ain't the words.
14:38Do you know what I did the other night?
14:40No, but I bet it was depressing.
14:43I sat and read my diaries from when I was a school kid.
14:45You see, it was right.
14:47No, not quite.
14:49I actually noticed moments of hope within those pages.
14:55I mean, there weren't many.
14:56Just the occasional oasis of promise in a desert of pessimism.
15:02They were simple hopes.
15:03As you'd expect for someone of my age.
15:05I hope for...
15:08hairs.
15:12I've been well in my exams.
15:17I even hope for a good job when I left school.
15:20Well, you got hairs, didn't you?
15:23Think how Wright's Head Fred must feel.
15:28I think Cass was so happy, though.
15:32We were looking forward
15:33and all we could see in front of us
15:35was this big, wide highway
15:37and we were just cruising down it
15:39and all of a sudden
15:41it came to a shuddering hog.
15:44Just like this poxy lift.
15:49Suddenly, happy families
15:50became dungeons and dragons.
15:55And I've never felt so I didn't paint like that
15:57in all my life.
15:58Is Cassandra hurting?
16:07Of course she is.
16:10How do you know?
16:12You haven't talked to her about it.
16:14No.
16:15And you know why?
16:16It's because...
16:17It's because, like...
16:19It's almost if...
16:20If I don't talk about it
16:22it might not be true.
16:24But it is.
16:27I know.
16:27I know.
16:28But if I don't say it...
16:31If you don't say what?
16:35We lost our baby.
16:40But you did.
16:43And you have said it.
16:46Yeah.
16:47I said it.
16:48You just...
16:57You shield yourself from it, you know?
17:03I've just been lying, haven't I?
17:07Yes.
17:09And what about Cassandra?
17:13Not her.
17:16Cassandra can't tell a lie.
17:17Raquel can.
17:23The moment one leaves my lips.
17:31Hope those lips have broken down again.
17:37Is this the stuff Del was talking about?
17:40Yes.
17:41Yes.
17:47Cassie seems so fragile.
17:51I wanted to cuddle her and talk to her about it but...
17:55I was frightened I might sort of...
17:58Break her.
17:59No.
18:01She's strong, Rodney.
18:04Look, it's just a dropped stitch...
18:07...in life's tapestry.
18:10It's what Mum used to say.
18:14What do I say to her, Del?
18:18Well, you tell her exactly what you told me.
18:21You can leave out the bit about the hairs, if you like.
18:23You go home right now and you have a heart-to-heart, right?
18:31While you're there, you ask her if she wants to come round with dinner tonight.
18:35I can't, mate.
18:37I've got a real problem with that.
18:38What is it?
18:40I'm stuck in a bloody leaf.
18:41Let's have another look at this thing, shall we?
18:48Right.
18:51Your claustrophobia cleared up quick, didn't it?
18:53Yeah, well, it got over the worst of it.
18:57Almost as quick as that flu you had this morning.
19:00Well, these things, they come and go, don't they?
19:02Look at this.
19:02I wonder what this switch does here.
19:07Come on.
19:08Psh.
19:10Yeah.
19:10You get it.
19:12You stopped it.
19:16It's the only way I could get you talking.
19:20Can't run away in a broken lift.
19:25You get it.
19:29You get it.
19:34Come here.
19:36Oi.
19:36Come on.
19:37Tell us, I'm bound to have forgotten something.
19:43Calm down.
19:44Everything's fine.
19:45You'll have a hot flush in a minute.
19:46I'm just so nervous.
19:48Something will go wrong.
19:50Del.
19:51Hmm?
19:51At least don't use any of your French phrases to my parents.
19:54Oh, that's really hot.
19:55Aren't they up on the old French lingo or what?
19:57No.
19:59The meat.
20:00All right.
20:01I'll get the wine out of the fridge.
20:03Well, everything seems to be going according to the plan.
20:06Don't tell me.
20:07Now, don't do that.
20:09Dear, oh dear.
20:10Look, it's only plastic.
20:11You'll break it.
20:12Make the gravy and put it in the bottom of it.
20:16Thank you, Albert.
20:17Hey, Damien, you go and sit around there, all right?
20:19Well, he's a good boy.
20:20Right.
20:20Now, remember, we've got to go, uh, girl boy, girl boy, girl boy, and Uncle Albert.
20:26Um, darling, if you see you, hey, what's that?
20:29Oh, God.
20:29That's it.
20:30Calm down the lot of your own arms at the door.
20:33Not how good you'd have been on the Russian conboys.
20:35Good evening.
20:42Please come in.
20:44You must be Raquel's parents.
20:46Yes.
20:46My wife, Audrey, and I'm James.
20:48Lovely to meet you.
20:50Please follow me.
20:54She did say he was older than her.
21:02Hi, Mum.
21:03Dad.
21:04Darling.
21:05Nanny, Grandad.
21:07Oh, watch out.
21:07Here comes trouble.
21:09Now, Mum, Dad, uh, this is Derek's brother, Rodney, and his wife, Cassandra, James, and Audrey.
21:15Lovely to meet you.
21:16Lovely to meet you.
21:18And this is my...
21:20This is Derek.
21:23Shh.
21:24Au revoir.
21:27Oh, you have to.
21:29Oh, we thought...
21:29We thought...
21:30We thought you were busy working this evening.
21:32Oh, no, not deceived.
21:34No, no, not on a special occasion like this.
21:37As it is a special occasion, I bought this rather nice bottle of port.
21:40It's 15 years old.
21:42Oh, thank you.
21:4315 years old.
21:45We'll have to watch that.
21:46It might have acne.
21:46Well, OK, let's get started then.
21:53Shall we start off with a nice little, eh, uh, aperitif?
21:57Right.
21:57OK.
21:58Here we have it.
22:00I'm knocking them bandy, aren't I?
22:02Right, there's the gravy.
22:09Ah, Rodney, would you fill the wine glasses, please?
22:12Oh, yes, of course.
22:14More wine, no drink.
22:17James?
22:18I don't think I should.
22:19I've got to drive back to the hotel tonight.
22:21Why don't you get a cab back, pick up the car in the morning?
22:24What do you think?
22:25It's your decision.
22:26Well, the hell.
22:27Pour away, Rodney.
22:29Yes, that's the spirit.
22:30You don't make sense.
22:31You always leave your car outside.
22:33He'd better put his car in our garage, eh?
22:37Is it not safe outside?
22:38Well, not if you become attached to your wheels, it's not.
22:42So, here we go, look.
22:45No, excuse me, look.
22:48I'm just going to get another bottle of wine,
22:51so why don't you all, um, you know,
22:54chapelle adent, right?
22:58So, Albert was in the Navy?
23:00Very much so.
23:01I was in the Royal Navy myself.
23:04Twelve years.
23:04First officer.
23:05You and Albert will have to have a chat.
23:07After we've gone home.
23:11It's going really well out there.
23:14Had to come and open another bottle of wine.
23:17What are you doing?
23:18I've made a coffee.
23:20What do you mean you've made a coffee?
23:21It's too early.
23:23They haven't finished their mains yet.
23:25It don't usually take us that long to finish our dinner, does it?
23:28No, I know that.
23:29That is because we're not golloping down at Big Mac and Chips, are we?
23:34We've got guests.
23:36We're taking our time.
23:37We're savouring the food and the ambience.
23:40We're sipping the wine and we're conversing.
23:43I mean, out there, they're having a chat between each mouthful.
23:47It's sophisticated.
23:49It's civilised.
23:50Right?
23:51Okay, don't worry.
23:53I'll whack this in the microwave.
23:58Oi, just a minute.
24:00What coffee did you make this with?
24:02That jar over there.
24:03This ain't coffee.
24:06Smell it.
24:07It's bloody gravy.
24:10Yeah, that's gravy.
24:11It's not my fault.
24:12It's NGO.
24:13Look at them.
24:14How am I supposed to tell the difference?
24:16I'll tell you how you tell the difference.
24:18This one has on the label, Maxwell House Coffee.
24:22On this label, it says, OXO Gravy Granules.
24:25Well, that's a bit of a giveaway, really, isn't it?
24:29Well, I was in an area and I got mixed up.
24:32I'll mix you up in a minute.
24:34Wait a minute.
24:35Wait a minute.
24:36If you've made gravy in the coffin,
24:40what are they pouring over their dinners in there?
24:47This looks lovely, darling.
24:52Oi.
24:54Wonderful.
24:55Busty.
25:01They're only doing it.
25:03They're only out there doing it now.
25:06They're only pouring Maxwell bleed now.
25:09Remember their loud noise wats and veg.
25:14I don't believe you.
25:17Not only have you managed to sink every aircraft carrier and battleship that you've ever sailed on,
25:22but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat.
25:25What are we going to do?
25:29Well, I ain't having any of it.
25:31Hey, you.
25:35Not yet, darling.
25:36Wait for Daddy.
25:37So, how long were you in the Navy, Albert?
25:39Oh, over 50 years, man and boy.
25:41Started in the merchant, went on to the royal and back to the merchant.
25:46Amazing.
25:47You must have some stories to tell.
25:48Oh, God, yes.
25:49Oh, God, yes.
25:52Sorry about that.
25:53I couldn't get the cork out of the wine.
25:56Del?
25:57No.
25:59No, thank you.
26:01I'm trying to give it up.
26:02Robert?
26:02Do you have some for me, dear?
26:04Oh, yes.
26:05You'll have some.
26:07You know how you like your gravy.
26:18That's it.
26:19Are you a naval man, Derek?
26:23No.
26:24No, James.
26:25I'm more of a leg man myself.
26:32No, Dad meant, were you in the Navy?
26:35Oh, I see.
26:36No, I wasn't, actually, James.
26:38Though, when I was younger, I did consider a career in the services.
26:41Oh, this is horrible.
27:00I hope you won't be offended, darling, but I'm rather full up.
27:08No, no, come on.
27:09We've got afters to come, yeah?
27:10We've got Mandarin segments and Instant Whip.
27:15All right.
27:16Well, I'll fetch the coffee.
27:21Great.
27:28Ah, ahoy there, Jimbo.
27:30Morning, Derek.
27:32Rodney?
27:33How are you this morning?
27:34Oh, fine.
27:35Had a bit of a jipping tummy last night.
27:37Well, thanks for looking after the car.
27:39Oh, monge-tu, monge-tu, mon plageiro.
27:42No, this is your Levin's Cove I've heard so much about.
27:45Yes, yes, this is it.
27:47As I was saying, Jim, you know, you and I are in the same sort of business.
27:50I mean, you're an antiques dealer, and I've got some interesting things.
27:54Yeah.
27:55Well, my dad, long journey.
27:57You must come down and visit us sometime.
27:58Oh, yes, I will, you bet.
28:00Now, you mind how you go, eh?
28:02What's that?
28:05Um, it's a guest, Doug.
28:07No, I mean on top of it.
28:09Oh, that's just an old watch I got out of a house clearance years ago.
28:17I'll tell you what I have got.
28:18I've got some very nice shawaddy-waddy LPs.
28:21Oh, really.
28:21Good Lord.
28:28I know, it's filthy, isn't it, eh?
28:30Er, Rudney, have you got any of that WD-40 there?
28:32We give this thing, I'll fuck up.
28:34No, I mean it has the name Harrison engraved in it.
28:36You can see there.
28:37Harrison, A.D. 1774.
28:41How did you come by this watch, Doug?
28:44Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago.
28:48There was this old girl down Deptford Way.
28:50She owned a pawn shop anyway.
28:52She died, right?
28:53She had no family, so they sold off the shop.
28:56And her landlord asked me to clear out her house.
28:59And I found that and a load of other rubbish up in the loft.
29:04Why, is it any good then?
29:05Good?
29:07John Harrison was just about the finest watchmaker of his time.
29:10Of any time.
29:13If this is what I'm beginning to think it is...
29:16God, I'm shaking.
29:18Why, you didn't have that much to drink last night, did you?
29:20Have you any proof that this watch is your property?
29:24A receipt, something like that?
29:26Oh, well, no.
29:27See, don't keep receipts.
29:28They just clutter the place up.
29:31Boy, do you reckon that's worth something, then?
29:34Assuming it's not a copy.
29:36Yes.
29:37Well done.
29:38What?
29:3816 years ago.
29:39That's when I started working for you.
29:41Yes, thank you, Rodney.
29:42Could we leave This Is Your Life to Michael Aspel?
29:45I meant I used to keep files, then.
29:49Hold on.
29:50Hold on.
29:52You see, Derek, I've always been very keen on horology.
29:56Nothing.
29:56Oh, I thought it was too good to be true.
30:00No, he's going to tell our bloody fortune.
30:04Horology.
30:05He's an expert in watches.
30:08Oh, that's a horology.
30:11I've got it.
30:11I've got it.
30:13Receipt from the landlord, look.
30:15For two paintings, four jugs, one rocking chair,
30:18one silver fob watch engraved Harrison.
30:21Ha!
30:22Good boy, Rodders.
30:24What I've always told you, I've always said,
30:26always keep the receipts.
30:28I'm in handy.
30:29What have you written, don't you?
30:30Victoria?
30:31Here, thank you very much, Rodney.
30:32Here you are, Jimbo.
30:33This is marvellous.
30:33I've never been so excited.
30:36I bet Audrey had a blinding honeymoon, then.
30:38What exactly do you think it is?
30:43I'm almost too frightened to say it.
30:46To put it simply, back in the early 1700s,
30:50sea captains found it almost impossible
30:51to plot their positions once out of sight of land,
30:54until John Harrison invented the first accurate marine timekeeper
30:58to tell seafarers exactly where they were on the globe.
31:02He went on to make many of these instruments,
31:04and we know the whereabouts of all of them,
31:05except the last one,
31:08the lesser watch, as he called it.
31:10We have his designs for the piece,
31:11but the watch itself was never found.
31:13People have been searching for it for over 300 years.
31:17We don't think that's it, do you?
31:19If it is, Rodney.
31:21God.
31:24Don't we?
31:26So, the next thing we know, right,
31:27Raquel's old man's been on the phone to us.
31:30Yeah, and he's shown it to some experts,
31:32and it's only kosher.
31:34What, this is the watch that's been missing for over 300 years?
31:37Yes, the Harrison Lesser Watch.
31:40So, what is it?
31:46It's a watch.
31:49Yeah, well, it's more than that.
31:50It lets you know exactly where you are anywhere in the world.
31:54How did it get lost, then?
32:01Have I now got lost?
32:02I just didn't.
32:04Yeah, if I hadn't realised its full value and rescued it,
32:07I mean, it could have ended up anywhere.
32:09Yeah, like chucked on top of an old gas cooker.
32:13What it's going to be?
32:14Oh, sure.
32:15That's right, it's afternoon.
32:16Two-thirty, it's other bits.
32:18Ooh!
32:21Ooh!
32:22Ooh!
32:29So, how much do you reckon it's worth, then?
32:31Well, you see, I don't know.
32:32Cos nothing like this has ever come on the market before.
32:34Could be, what, ten grand?
32:36Yeah, fifteen.
32:37Twenty, maybe?
32:38Well, on your way back from the auction,
32:40drop by my showrooms,
32:41I've got a lovely couple of Skodas at Five Brando.
32:46You won't be laughing like that when we come back the start of noon.
32:49So, you two could be famous, then?
32:51Well, among watchmakers.
32:54Well, why not?
32:55You know, we discovered it.
32:56And as Andy Warhol said,
32:58everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
33:00Well, how can everyone be famous for 15 minutes
33:02if there's not enough time in the world, is there?
33:03No, no, he didn't mean everyone would be famous.
33:10You know, he was just generalising upon modern society.
33:12You know, people become famous for a little while,
33:14then they disappear.
33:15Like, Rennie and Renata.
33:18Simon Dee.
33:20Or Gandhi.
33:22Yeah!
33:24So, see, maybe this time, it's hard.
33:28Gandhi.
33:29Yeah.
33:30I mean, he made one great film,
33:32and then he never saw him again.
33:33No, let's go.
33:41Let's go.
33:42Let's go.
33:5422,000.
33:5724,000.
33:598.
34:0130,000.
34:0230,000.
34:0432,000.
34:0735,000.
34:0935,000.
34:1338,000.
34:16One more bid.
34:2040,000.
34:22The bid is 40,000 pounds.
34:24Is that the house, Rodney?
34:25Don't be stupid.
34:2645,000.
34:3145,000.
34:33I'm selling at 45,000.
34:35Sold at 45,000.
34:38Paddle number 674.
34:40Now, we come to lot 73.
34:44A solid silver pocket marine timekeeper.
34:52This was found in London by two brothers.
34:54Unfortunately, they held on to the piece for 16 years,
34:57believing it to be a Victorian egg timer.
35:03As we know, this is, frankly, the most significant discovery in horological terms of this century.
35:11The watch has been authenticated and accepted by all the leading experts as being the last watch ever made by John Harrison.
35:17It is the fabled H6.
35:20The, until now, mythical lesser watch.
35:24I feel I need say no more.
35:27I'd like to start the bidding at 150,000 pounds.
35:38200,000.
35:41250.
35:42Oh, dear.
35:47It's when he said 150,000, God.
35:50That's when I come over real badly.
35:52Who went on, Del?
35:54200,000.
35:55250.
35:56Free.
35:57Huh?
35:57That's when I dragged you out.
35:59You mean it ended up at 300,000 pounds?
36:02It's still going on.
36:04Oh, come on.
36:05Let's get back up here.
36:08300,000, huh?
36:12The bid is in the room.
36:15Three and a half.
36:17350,000 quid!
36:22Three and three quarters.
36:26Four, thank you.
36:28The bid stands at four million pounds.
36:32Five, without a half.
36:33Six, is in the room.
36:34Two, three, four.
36:42Five, three, four.
36:43One, two, three, four.
36:45Five, six, nine, twenty-four.
36:45Four, five, six.
36:46Have a lovely run now.
36:51Four, five, six, seven.
36:56Four, five, six, seven.
36:58so what was the final outcome he was bought by an anonymous bidder he's
37:12giving it to the maritime museum at Greenwich so at least it stays in the
37:15country
37:18nice in it you Wally was the final score what exactly did he go for 6.2
37:38million so that's just over three million each
37:48well we've had worse days
37:55you want to go first or should I
37:58well you know why don't we go together yeah yeah all right one two three
38:08yes
38:15bring the family down have your photograph taken next to it
38:22bring the family down have your photograph taken next to it
38:33it's beautiful though isn't it Rodders eh luxury and style
38:40very mean don't you think
38:47yeah shall I
38:48you like it
38:49buy it
38:50no no no no no no not until that cheque is cleared I got a terrible feeling that this whole deal is going to go pear shaped
38:59well we are dealing with Sotheby's and the Greenwich Museum not Ronnie and Reggie
39:06well I mean if this goes tits up I'm landed with a seventy grand bet aren't I
39:11I
39:12yeah I take your point
39:13yeah
39:14well go on in you sit in a nice car see if it suits you
39:18yeah all right then I will
39:21yes my son
39:24oh yes
39:26that Rolls Royce out there
39:33I want to buy it
39:35well that's a good one Rodney
39:38tell me
39:39what drugs are you on this week
39:41there you go
40:04shows
40:09What do you want? The roller. It's yours.
40:13I just bought it for you.
40:18You bought this roller for me?
40:21Why?
40:23A little present.
40:26Just to say...
40:28Thanks.
42:09Yes, sir. What can I get you?
42:21Champagne all round.
42:30Well done.
42:32Aren't you going to lift our wallets at home again?
42:34Oh, please, sir. That is not a problem.
42:37On the slate, Mike.
42:41On the house, Del.
42:44No, no, no, no, Michael. We'll pay our way.
42:46And while we're at it, we'll have all your sandwiches.
42:48That's it.
42:49That's it.
42:50Right.
42:51I'll get them.
42:52Well, that's fine. I've got some money.
42:53No, no, Rodney. I'll get the sandwiches.
42:55Because you bought the rolls.
43:07I'll get the turns.
43:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
43:09I'll light the fire.
43:10You place the flowers in the fire.
43:11Today.
43:12I'll light the fire
43:16You place the flowers in the fire
43:21Today
43:24Staring at the fire
43:30For hours and hours
43:34While I listen to you
43:38Play your love songs
43:41All night long
43:44For me
43:47Only for me
43:51Come to me now
43:58And rest your head for chance
44:01Everything is done
44:07Such a cozy room
44:11The windows barring in there
44:15Later I'll light the moon
44:18Sunshine
44:20And rest your head for chance
44:25And rest your head for chance
44:30Oh, I'm the one who loves you
44:34Our house
44:39Is a very, very, very fine house
44:42With two dogs in the door
44:45Life used to be so hard
44:49Now everything is easy because of you
45:09Is a very, very, very fine house
45:31With two dogs in the door
45:34Life used to be so hard
45:38Now everything is easy because of you
45:43I'll light the fire
45:53You'll place the flowers in the box
45:59That you bought today
46:08But the fruit
46:09I'm doing территории
46:14I'll show you how to work
46:15I'm doing it
46:18I'm rising
46:19You're doing anything
46:20I'm leaving
46:24I've been leaving
46:25You're going to make it
46:26That you're asking me
46:26I don't know.
46:56It's time to get up to 7.30.
47:01Yeah, all right, Mum.
47:04It's your fault you've got hungover.
47:06You can't have your day off.
47:08You're taking your 11+.
47:10I never raised the hand to your mother, Rodney,
47:19except in self-defence.
47:26Your dad always said that one day Del Boy would reach the top.
47:34There again he used to say that one day Millwall would win the cup.
47:37LAUGHTER
47:38All right?
48:01What are you doing here?
48:07Raquel phoned.
48:08Said you'd gone missing.
48:11I said wait for the ransom note to arrive,
48:13but she said go and find him, so...
48:15LAUGHTER
48:16I guess you'd be here.
48:19Yeah, just taking one last look at the old place, Rodney.
48:22Funny, isn't it?
48:26Just think of all them years, you know.
48:28Us scrimping and scraping.
48:31Going out in all hours.
48:33Just trying to earn a few bobs
48:35so we could put a bit of grub on the table.
48:38And all the time down in that garage,
48:41we had this famous thing.
48:43Worth six million quid.
48:45Yeah, that had crossed my mind, I know.
48:51Still.
48:55Put a flat on the market yet?
48:56Mm?
48:57No, not yet, no.
49:00No, I just didn't have the heart to...
49:03You know, when you think about mum and grandad.
49:09Yeah, I'll do it in a couple of weeks, you know.
49:12I'll give it to some estate agent.
49:14You know, I'll let them have the carpet.
49:19LAUGHTER
49:19Yeah, they won't mind.
49:25Yeah, talking about that,
49:27I called in to the travel agents the other day.
49:30Booked us all a holiday in Barbados.
49:33It's all right, no, mum.
49:35My tree.
49:36Nice.
49:37Flying first class.
49:40Concorde.
49:41Ah, even better.
49:42Show him about Albert's boat, wasn't it?
49:50Oh.
49:51LAUGHTER
49:52What a stupid place to put a bridge, wasn't it?
49:58LAUGHTER
49:58I thought that.
50:00Right over a river like that.
50:01LAUGHTER
50:02So, how are you?
50:07Me?
50:08Oh, you know, wonderful, aren't I, you know?
50:13Everything's coming like rosy, isn't it?
50:16All right, what's wrong?
50:23I always wanted to be a millionaire, Rodney.
50:26You know?
50:26I always wanted a Rolls-Royce and big-ass in the country
50:32and jet off to the Caribbean and all that.
50:35We've got it.
50:38I know.
50:40But it's not like I thought it would be.
50:44You know?
50:44All the dreaming and the scheming and the chasing and the trying.
50:53That was the fun part, you know?
50:56It was like...
50:57It was dangerous.
50:59It was...
50:59It was impossible.
51:02It was like...
51:04Columbo sailing away to find America.
51:07LAUGHTER
51:08You know, and just not knowing
51:14whether he was going to fall off the edge of the world.
51:19That's how I used to feel.
51:22Well, you fell off a couple of times, didn't you?
51:25Yeah.
51:27Once a month, bruv.
51:28Once a month, regular.
51:31Now I've...
51:33You know, now I've done it,
51:34now I've achieved what I wanted.
51:38The chase.
51:40You know, it's finished.
51:43The hunt is over.
51:47What am I going to do now?
51:50Learn to play golf.
51:53Well, you've got the trousers for it, at least.
51:55LAUGHTER
51:56Now, why don't you just enjoy your retirement?
52:02Cos I don't want to enjoy my retirement.
52:04I want to feel like I used to feel, you know?
52:09All eager and alive.
52:13You know, I want...
52:14I want something exciting to happen.
52:17LAUGHTER
52:17Dear, oh, dear.
52:21What are you doing?
52:22I thought you was a ghost, then.
52:24He never did get the hang of this haunting lark, did he?
52:27What are you two doing here?
52:29Well, never mind what us two are doing here.
52:31What are you doing here?
52:32Well, I've just come back to pick up a few of my belongings.
52:36I thought I'd have one last look at the flat...
52:38before you sell it.
52:43Yeah, well, we've had a good look, eh?
52:46Come on, let's look up and go.
52:47I don't know.
53:00Must have forgot to tell British Telecom, eh?
53:03Look, we've gone.
53:05Yeah, hello.
53:07Who?
53:08Oh, hello, Lenny.
53:10How are you doing, pal?
53:11All right?
53:13Lenny Norris.
53:14You do what?
53:19Really?
53:20Hang on.
53:22Listen.
53:23He's got 250 electronic carpet steamers, right?
53:27Now, listen, they retail at 115 quid.
53:30He's going to let us have them for 25, Nicker.
53:34Dale, we're not in the business any more.
53:38I know.
53:40Roddy, we can double our money on this.
53:42Derek, can you hear me over those trousers?
53:52We're not in the business any more, mate.
54:01Hello?
54:02Lenny?
54:03No, we're not interested.
54:05Trotter's Independent Traders
54:09has ceased trading.
54:14Bonjour.
54:14Oh, well.
54:23Tell you what.
54:25Fancy going down to the Golden Dragon for a Chinese?
54:28Yeah.
54:29I'm feeling a bit peckish now you mention it.
54:31Yeah, I could do a sweet and sour something.
54:35Yeah, all right.
54:37I'll tell you what, Rodders.
54:38Let's leave the cars here, shall we, and, you know, just, just take a toe, Bill.
54:44Yeah, all right.
54:48Mons due.
54:51Mons due?
54:53What a fool I'd be.
54:56What's wrong now?
54:57Well, here I am thinking now we've got all this money, you know, that, that spells like
55:01the end of it.
55:03It don't, does it?
55:05It's like the beginning.
55:07Because for the first time in our lives, we have got money to invest.
55:12No.
55:13Don't.
55:15Investment.
55:15Oh, come on, Rodders.
55:16You remember all those years you used to say to me,
55:18tell boy, we should be investing.
55:20No, no, I never said that.
55:22Well, then, it must be me, then.
55:23I remember it was one of us got it right.
55:25But now we can invest big time in the futures market.
55:29Hey, we can get into Hong Kong, Singapore, Peking.
55:32I don't want to invest.
55:34All right?
55:35Rodders, have I ever let you down?
55:38Yes.
55:40Well, a couple of years ago, when you told me I'd won a holiday in a painting competition,
55:44but forgot to mention that for the entire week I would have to pretend to be 14.
55:50It's always been your problem, Rodney.
55:53Always dwelling on the past.
55:56Mum said to me on her deathbed.
55:57Oi, now, don't you start on about mum on her deathbed.
56:00She said to me on her deathbed.
56:01She said to me, tell boy, if ever you and little Rodney become rich,
56:05you must invest in the futures market.
56:08And you liar.
56:09Hmm?
56:09Because there wasn't a futures market where mum was alive.
56:12Ah, no, but then there you go, see.
56:13That shows you how visionary she was.
56:16Come on, Rodney, this is our big chance.
56:19Hey, he who dares wins.
56:22This time next year we could be billionaires.
56:25He said to me, too.
56:28God務 Tम.
56:28So, man, this is my...
56:30Jesus we told you that thejek will win.
56:32You did, can't you guess.
56:33Well, I never pulled so much, man, we surprised you know where he was.
56:34You're like a bomb.
56:36He was like, oh, I don't know.
56:37And I don'tugen him.
56:38You did, you know, I don't want it.
56:40Why do you did who happened with me?
56:43So, although, I'm not sure, you might have to decide what the Κ to strike all the mais
56:46day before the world was in a better place.
56:47Uh oh, God.
56:48So, everyone.
56:49You're like, if I say it could do itacha happen.
56:50So, life will be better.
56:50I look if I think I can do it further.
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