- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S06E03 - Chain Gang
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00:00Stick a pony in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:22It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:26But is the one which joined in me
00:29Why do only fools and horses work
00:33La la la la la la la la la la la la la
00:38La la la la la la la la la la la la la la
00:59Number 32, red
01:01What's your deal, boy?
01:09All right, Chick
01:10No, Dave
01:11Yeah, he's on his way down later
01:13He's bringing that bird of his
01:14What's the name, Cassandra?
01:16He's getting a bit serious, isn't he?
01:17No, girls always blow him out after a couple of weeks
01:20That boy's been blown out more times than a windsock
01:22Don't look now, but you see the bloke at the bar with a bow tie
01:28I said don't look now
01:30Who, Arnie?
01:31Yeah, Arnie
01:32Do you know much about him?
01:33No, not a lot
01:34He only moved to the area a few weeks ago
01:36He seems a nice bloke, though
01:38He's a retired jewellery dealer, isn't he?
01:41Yeah, that's what you told me
01:42He's retired early, though, isn't he?
01:43Perhaps he made enough gel
01:45What?
01:46You lining something up, then?
01:47Well, that's not the only trick
01:49It's just that I've been, you know, having a few drinks and chats with him
01:52over the last couple of weeks
01:54and he lets slip that even though he's retired
01:55he still likes to do a bit of private business
01:58you know, all the cash and confidentiality
02:01just enough to keep the old tax man at bay
02:03So I thought I might give him a shove, you know
02:06see what can pick up
02:07I heard your firm was broke
02:09You know me, Trigg
02:10I'm a businessman
02:11I've always got a little bit pugged away for emergencies
02:14Anyway, who told you that we was broke?
02:16Dave
02:16Ah, you don't want to take any notice of him
02:17He's only my financial advisor
02:19What does he know?
02:21God, look at these cards, Trigg
02:23I'm never going to get anywhere at this rate
02:24Try these
02:27Trigg, you can't do that
02:29Yeah, pay me
02:31Oh, here you go
02:36How's it going?
02:38Oh, hello, Arnie
02:39Didn't spot you down
02:40I've only been in about five minutes
02:42Yeah
02:42Where's that time spent
02:44talking to that doorman?
02:46Lotto, whatever his name is
02:47Yeah?
02:48What's up with him then?
02:49Oh, nothing
02:49It's just, you know
02:50I'm not a member
02:51so I usually drop in a few quid to get in
02:54and tonight the price has suddenly gone up 30%
02:56Still, plenty of money, isn't it?
02:58Yeah
02:58Well, listen
02:59If you get yourself a membership form
03:01I'll second you if you like
03:01Are you really?
03:03Yeah
03:03That's very nice of you, Dale
03:04That's all right
03:04I don't understand that
03:06If I'm on you
03:07They pay 19s, you're laughing
03:08Nah, that's not my style, Arnie
03:10Not my style
03:11He who dares wins
03:13Fancy a drink?
03:20Evening, hello
03:21Evening, Mr Grayson
03:22How's business?
03:23Well, I've just gone into
03:24voluntary liquidation
03:26Again
03:26Oh, congratulations, sir
03:28Thank you, Otter
03:29Good luck tonight, Mr Grayson
03:32Evening, I'll talk
03:38Cassandra, I'm just going to have a word with the doorman
03:43Is there a problem, Otter?
03:46Members only
03:47Oh, I am a member
03:49Where's your membership card?
03:51Um
03:52Well, I appear to have left it at home
03:54If you give me 20 quid
03:56I'll let you in free
03:58Come on, I'm a member
04:00I've been a member for about five years or so
04:02I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to leave, sir
04:05Where would you like to land?
04:08Come on
04:09What's the problem?
04:09Oh, it's all right
04:10I'll tell you
04:11It's the old boy's brother
04:11Is that right?
04:13Yeah, honest
04:14Oh
04:15All right then
04:16In that case
04:17Have a nice evening, sir
04:19He's a laugh, old Otter
04:26So the gravedigger says to the vicar
04:33Well, I've got to have somewhere to park me by
04:35That'd be horrible
04:38I'll see you in a minute, Harlan
04:40Hello, hello, hello, hello
04:45Oh, Cassandra, this is my brother Derek
04:48And Dale, this is Cassandra
04:49Hello, Cassandra
04:50Very pleased to meet you
04:52Rodney has told me all about you
04:54Don't worry
04:55I'll try not to shout it all about
04:57That's very kind of you, Derek
04:58Yeah, yeah
04:59Rodney's told me all about you as well
05:00Oh
05:01Although I must admit
05:02I didn't believe him
05:03Until now
05:04I like her
05:08I like her
05:09Yeah
05:09Yeah, well
05:10Shall we sit down, Cass?
05:11Can I get your drinks where you are?
05:13Just a Coke and ice, please
05:14I'm driving
05:14Right, okay
05:15Rodney, you?
05:16Non-alcoholic lager top
05:18So, what line of work are you in, Cassandra?
05:31I work for a bank
05:32Oh, really?
05:33Tell me
05:34Do they do loans?
05:36Why don't you leave Cassandra alone?
05:38No, no
05:38That's all right
05:39I'm only being polite
05:39They do arrange loans
05:41According to status, of course
05:42Makes you out then, doesn't it?
05:44I don't actually work on that side of things
05:48I'm in overseas investment
05:50Yeah, well, there's a bit of that
05:51Albanian watches, Turkish raincoats, that sort of thing
05:55Would you like me to go and tell Otto what you caught him just now?
06:00Rodney tells me your dad's in business
06:02Yes, he's got his own printing workshop
06:04Oh, yeah?
06:05I thought it was that family business, passed on, sort of?
06:07No, there was no silver spoon involved
06:09He used to live on a council estate around this area
06:11Oh, really?
06:13I'm glad I know him
06:14Oh, God
06:15Oh, no, no, what's his name?
06:17Parry
06:17Alan Parry
06:18Parry, Alan Parry
06:20Yes, a little fella
06:21One brown eye, one blue eye
06:23Talks with a squint, walks with a stutter
06:24That's it
06:25Listen, I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds
06:31And just remember, Cassandra
06:33Rodney tells me everything
06:35Thanks for the warning
06:36I'm sorry about him, Cass
06:41Why are you apologising?
06:43I think he's lovely
06:44Bell?
06:47Yeah, he makes me laugh
06:49Well, yeah, he's all right, I suppose
06:53At times
06:55Well, I'd better make a move
06:59I've got to be up early for work in the morning
07:01I'll be glad when I'm retired like you, Arnie
07:04Yeah, you can't beat it, Trigger
07:05Drag yourself out of bed about 11 o'clock
07:08Just in time to relax for the rest of the day
07:10You retired a bit early, though, didn't you, Arnie?
07:13I thought you jewellery dealers were making so much bunt
07:15You carried on till you dropped
07:16Yeah, that's exactly what happened
07:18Eh?
07:20Peeled over on the floor one day
07:21Took a trouble
07:22What a stress of business
07:23Doctors gave me six months to live
07:25Oh, yeah
07:29Oh, yeah, well
07:30Yeah, well
07:31You don't want to take too much notice of these doctors, Arnie
07:33They'll say anything to get rid of you
07:35That's a private
07:36No, no, you take that Georgie Collis
07:38I mean, they only gave him six months to live
07:40He was gutted, weren't he, Trigger?
07:41Well upset
07:42Yeah, then they discovered, of course, that
07:43And he mixed up his records with another bloke's
07:46Yeah, but the other bloke only had three months to live
07:48Yeah, I know, I know that trick's not the point, though, is it?
07:54I was just trying to say to Arnie
07:55That these doctors can make mistakes
07:56No, no, look, you don't understand
07:57The doctor said I didn't have long to go
07:59Unless I changed my lifestyle
08:01That's exactly what I did
08:03Gave up all the boozing and fags
08:05Started doing little things I hadn't done for years
08:08Walking, breathing some decent air
08:11Have you any idea of the kind of damage
08:14That alcohol and nicotine does to your heart?
08:20Something you can do?
08:22Oh, thanks, bruv
08:22I'll just have a mineral water
08:23Arnie?
08:26Mineral water for me too, son
08:27Yeah, nothing for me, Dave
08:28I'm off
08:29I'll see you around then
08:31Yeah, see you, Trigger
08:31Yeah, but the most important thing I ever did, Derry
08:34The thing that changed my life
08:35Was getting out of business
08:36Getting away from all that stress
08:38And you might not believe this
08:40I used to be taught
08:41Really? What were you learning then?
08:47Tide, nervous tension
08:48Oh, taught, taught
08:49You mean, oh, like
08:50Yeah, old us
08:51Got away from all that now
08:52Got my little house
08:53Got my wife, Pat
08:54Lovely, caring woman
08:56Got my boys, Gary
08:5733, flat
08:59What more could a man ask of?
09:02And I think to myself
09:04What a wonderful world
09:06Cheers, bruv
09:08You still do a bit, though, don't you?
09:15Well, occasionally
09:16With the right sort of person
09:18Basically, I'm just getting rid of stuff I had left with
09:20All right, well, just don't forget
09:22You know, I am a trader
09:23Interested in jewellery?
09:26I'm interested in anything, Arnie
09:27And you don't mind if it's arrived on the market
09:31Via an unorthodox route
09:32Well, of course not
09:33I do understand that some things
09:34Have a tendency to, you know
09:35Float out of factory windows
09:37I mean, it's just mother nature, ain't it, right?
09:40You in a hurry?
09:41I've got all the time in the world, Arnie
09:42You'll meet me in the back of the car park
09:45In an hour's time
09:45Yeah, of course you do
09:47Might be long
09:49Lovely, jubbly
09:55Well, goodnight, Del
10:02Lovely meeting you
10:03And you too, sweetheart
10:03Don't forget, I won't say a word
10:05Thank you
10:06I'll see you in a little while
10:08Wait, Rodney
10:11Where do you think you're going?
10:13It sounds like he's giving me a lift home
10:14Ah, it's all right
10:15Don't bother yourself, sweetheart
10:16We've got the van here
10:17Excuse me one moment
10:22While I go and kill him
10:23What do you think you're playing at, Derek?
10:30I told you I got a bit of a deal
10:32Going down here in a little while
10:33Yeah, and I told you
10:34I don't want nothing to do with it
10:36I know you did
10:37But I got to meet that Arnie
10:39In the back of the car park
10:40There, it's nice and dark
10:41Now, I've only just recently met the geezer
10:43So I don't know what I'm walking into
10:45So I would appreciate a bit of a backup
10:47All right?
10:47Yeah, but I wanted to
10:48Say goodnight to Cassandra
10:51Go on then
10:53Say goodnight
10:54Do you get back here a bit lively?
10:56No, I meant
10:57Oh, bloody hell
11:00Oh, give me a couple of minutes
11:06What's happening?
11:15I'm gonna have to drive Del home
11:16He's drunk
11:17Drunk?
11:18He doesn't look drunk
11:19No, no
11:21That's a bad sign with him
11:23He hides it well, you see
11:25But I tell you
11:27You could push him over
11:28With just one little finger
11:29He fell flat on his face
11:30It's a problem of his
11:33I've had to live with
11:34Since I was a little kid
11:35How sad
11:36Yeah, I know
11:38It's tragic
11:39Still, never mind, eh?
11:42I mean, let the poor girl up for air
12:01Sorry
12:06Do you fancy coming out for a meal on Thursday?
12:10I thought I told you
12:11I'm on a week's training course
12:12Yeah, well, you must be able to get a few hours off
12:14Oh, yes
12:15And if you fancy flying over to Guernsey
12:17I'd love to have dinner with you
12:18Guernsey?
12:20You've got to go all the way over to Guernsey
12:21Yes
12:22I did ask Guernsey if it would like to come to me
12:25But it refused point blank
12:26I've heard about these company training courses
12:28They're just an excuse for loads of people to have an orgy
12:31Really?
12:33Please be serious for one moment, Cassandra
12:35Look, Rodney
12:37If what you've heard is true
12:38And all these perfectly staid and boring people
12:41Suddenly hurl themselves into a pit of carnal abandon
12:44Doesn't mean I have to join in, does it?
12:47No, I suppose not
12:48No, suppose about it
12:50No, I'm sorry, you're right
12:53Of course I'm right
12:55I mean, I'll take my whip, just in case
12:58I'll phone you
13:01I'll phone you as well
13:03Better make sure we don't phone at the same time
13:05Otherwise we'll both be engaged
13:07I love you
13:14Do you?
13:18And I...
13:20Don't have a nice time, will you?
13:36I'll try not to
13:36Here
13:56What were you doing with that girl?
14:00I was saying goodnight
14:01Saying goodnight?
14:02She had her head in your mouth at one point
14:04You were always watching
14:07I couldn't do anything else
14:08Last time I saw anything like that
14:10It was in a circus
14:10You saucy...
14:13What's up?
14:15I've got a tickle in me throat
14:17Well, it's probably got her wig stuck in it
14:19You know what?
14:25Hop in the back
14:26Go on, get in the back, Rodney
14:28Go on, get in the back
14:29Sorry I'm a bit late
14:40It's alright, Arnie
14:41No problem
14:42Open that
14:45Shit
14:52What'd you do?
14:55Mad Mr. T?
14:57There's 250 chains there
14:5918 carat gold
15:01Now, if you was to go to some poncy Bond street shop
15:05You know, there's plenty of mark-up
15:07They want 200 quid for each of those
15:09It's £50,000 sitting there
15:12£50,000?
15:16Here, wait a minute
15:17This ain't a result of some raid, is it?
15:20No, no, nothing like that
15:22No, no, look
15:23Six months ago
15:24A client of mine asked me
15:25If I could get hold of these sort of things for him
15:27For the right price
15:28Do you know Maxie Stavros?
15:31No, I don't
15:32Oh, you're lucky
15:33Well, he's a nice enough guy
15:35So when it comes to money
15:36Anyway, we agreed on a price
15:37And he was going to pay me 25 grand
15:40You know, he's got all these contacts in the States, you see
15:43This sort of thing sells really well over there
15:46It's the English hallmarks
15:47Yanks love all that
15:49Anyway, I acquired the goods
15:51And I haven't heard from him since
15:53You could sue him for breach of contract
15:55Listen to it, will you?
16:01There's no contract between friends
16:03It's a man's word
16:05Handshake
16:05Gentleman's agreement
16:06Mr Stavros is not the sort of man you'd want to sue
16:10Anyway, he's never let me down before
16:12So I suppose he's got troubles
16:13But then so have I
16:15I can't wait any longer
16:16I'm going to have to let these go
16:18At half the wholesale price
16:20That's 50 quid each
16:22Yeah, well
16:24I mean, what's the catch?
16:26I mean, you said they came via an unorthodox rule
16:29Didn't pay the VAT
16:31And I assumed that they were for retail outside the European community
16:39And therefore would not be liable to VAT
16:41I lumbered with them
16:44So what do you reckon?
16:47You still interested?
16:48Yeah, yeah, I'm interested, yeah
16:50Well, yeah, I'll take two
16:53Two?
16:54No, I'm all right
16:56I'm free
16:57I'm not running a corner shop, Del
17:02I'm a dealer
17:04Buying and sell jewellery in bulk
17:06Ain't a whole lot or none at all
17:09Yeah, no
17:10No, no
17:12I know that
17:12No, it's just that
17:13I mean, I'll take two or three of samples to show my clients
17:16Yeah, twelve and a half grand
17:19In cash
17:20And they're all yours
17:20Yeah, well, I don't think I've got that sort of money on me at the moment, Arnie
17:27Yeah, I can wait
17:30Look, you sell those around the pubs and the clubs
17:33The worst you do is double your money
17:35I'll take them
17:38Twelve and a half thousand
17:39Subject to a surveyor's report, of course
17:43Oh, of course
17:44Yeah
17:46Okay, then
17:47Do you know the next day to Peckham?
17:50Yeah, well, I'll find it
17:50Right, well, I'll see you there tomorrow at one o'clock
17:53Okay
17:54And, er, look after a formula, aren't you?
18:10You kicked me?
18:11Yes, that's because you've got a big mouth, Rodney
18:13You nearly gave Arnie the impression that we were small-time
18:16If I can just pull this off, Rodney, I will double my investment
18:19Dale, where are you going to get twelve and a half thousand pounds?
18:24Well, there's Boise, he's got a lot of money, likes a gamble
18:27Mike, down in the exit, he knows a bargain when he sees one
18:30Yeah, I put together a little consortium
18:33What, you mean just hand the whole deal over to them?
18:35No, no, no, no
18:36I've got some money to put in
18:37Oh, Dale, don't you remember what I told you the other day?
18:39Our partnership is virtually broke
18:41No, Rodney, our partnership is potless
18:44What I mean is, I've got some money to put in
18:46You've?
18:49How much?
18:51Oh, no, it's not a lot, no
18:53It's just, you know, what, four grand
18:56Four thousand pounds?
18:58That's not a nestle
18:59That's more like a bleeding, that's your jeans
19:01Where'd you get that from?
19:03No, it's just been money I've been saving up over the years
19:05Little bit here, little bit there, you know, soon builds up
19:08You conning git
19:09No, no, you could have done the same thing
19:12Don't talk to me
19:13No, you could have done
19:13Oh, you could
19:15Mum said to me on her deathbed
19:16She said, Del, boys
19:17No, she did, she said
19:18You make sure that...
19:19You're back early, I thought you'd still be at the airport
19:27No, the plane got off on time
19:29Where's Del?
19:30Well, him and Arnie and the rest of the consortium
19:33Have gone down to do it and has had them chains examined
19:36The rest of the consortium?
19:38How many's in it?
19:39Well, there's Del, there's Trigger
19:40There's Mike, there's that fella, Boise
19:42And there's me
19:43Course, there could be more by now
19:45What's he playing at?
19:46He's gone a bit public, hasn't he?
19:48I've just been down to the post office
19:49I've got my savings out
19:51Pity you weren't interested, Rodney
19:54You could have made yourself a nice few, Bob
19:56Well, yeah, I suppose I could have
19:58Ah, but the thing is, you see
19:59Them chains are part of a VAT rip-off, haven't they?
20:02I know, that's why they're so cheap
20:04Here, do you want a party, son?
20:06No, I don't want nothing
20:07What's wrong?
20:09Nothing, everything's fine
20:10Look, you've got her hotel number, give her a call
20:14No way
20:15She was supposed to phone me at 12.30 and look
20:18Nah, she's probably having a drink and a laugh
20:21With all them yuppie salts from the bank
20:23She might be in bed, Rodney
20:25Eh?
20:26I mean, sleeping off the jet-lag
20:30Jet-lag?
20:31She's only gone to Guernsey
20:32So what did you all say?
20:37They're pucker hunk
20:38They are the real McCoy
20:40Solid gold
20:4218 carats
20:43Top-class workmanship
20:45Just like Arnie said
20:46Oh, we'll double our money on these
20:48Have no fear
20:48Very shrewd move of yours, Rodney
20:51You know, not to get involved in this deal
20:53Shut up
20:54Here they come
20:55Come on, lads
20:56Come on
20:56Come on
20:57We'll come in, that's it
20:58Let's have a little celebration drink, shall we?
21:01I think we should discuss the matter in private
21:03Before we celebrate
21:04I don't like being premature
21:06No, Marlene said something about that the other day
21:08Shut up, shut up
21:12I hope you don't mind, Arnie
21:16But I and the consortium would like to have a little board meeting
21:18No, no, of course not, no
21:20Well, perhaps you'd like to wait in reception
21:23All right, get in the kitchen here, Arnie, you know
21:26Have some tea, help yourself
21:27There's plenty of egg mayonnaise and tomatoes in the fridge
21:29No, that's okay, thanks very much
21:30I think I would prefer it if the gold stayed in the room with us
21:34That's all right, Mr Boyce
21:36I'd like to keep an eye on it as well
21:37So, um, if I leave it here
21:41And we can both see it, all right?
21:44Perfect
21:45Thank you
21:45Thank you
21:46Thanks very much, Arnie
21:47Thanks a lot
21:48What does that matter with you?
21:51I'll give you Arnie the impression they don't trust him or something
21:53And he wouldn't be far wrong, would he?
21:55I don't even know the man
21:56Well, he seems a decent enough fellow to me, Boycey
21:59That's right, that's right
22:00He's a solid bloke, right?
22:01I can vouch for him
22:02Well, he's played it straight down the line with us
22:04He said those chains were worth 25k
22:06And we've just had it confirmed by an independent jeweller
22:08So what more do you want?
22:10I want to know
22:11How he can afford to sell them at 50% less than their wholesale price
22:15Because he bought them a long time ago when the price of gold was down
22:19Plus, he didn't bother to tell those very nice people down at the VAT office
22:24All right
22:27Here is my seven grand
22:30Good
22:31Good, well done, Boycey
22:33Good boy, good boy
22:33Come on in, Michael
22:34Let's see you
22:35A thousand
22:35That's it
22:36Good, come on
22:37I've been a bit strapped recently, Del
22:39I could only get £274
22:41My Aunt Rean had to pawn her necklace for that
22:46Yeah, it's all right, Trig
22:47Don't worry, don't worry, mate
22:48We'll double your money for you
22:49Come on, Albert
22:50Did you go down to the post office?
22:51I didn't get as much as I thought, son
22:53I only got £189.26 new P
22:56I thought you said that you had over 200 quid odds
22:59I know, I miscalculated the interest
23:01That means we are £36.24 short of the target
23:06Not anymore, you're not
23:08You can count me in
23:12Oh, thank God for the great Gatsby here
23:16Right, Arnie, Arnie, come on
23:19The board meeting's over
23:20And have you reached an executive decision?
23:22Yes, yes, we have, we have
23:23It's the deal, the deal is on
23:25It's on, it's on
23:26A relief
23:27I don't understand any more of that tea
23:29Yes
23:31This gentleman
23:32Is yours
23:34And here is the old do-re-me
23:37Oh, look at that
23:40Isn't that sweet?
23:43Reminds me of holidays in County Donegal
23:45Oh, is that a paddy ten pence piece?
23:47I'll change that for you
23:47Don't worry
23:48I won't bother counting
23:50I trust you
23:51That's right, good
23:53Well, we've all got to learn to trust each other, Arnie
23:56Don't worry about boys
23:58He's just got his funny little ways
24:00You ask his missus
24:01Oh, that reminds me
24:03Do you mind if I phone the wife?
24:05Yeah, sure
24:05No problem, no problem
24:07Here, I'll get the phone for you
24:09Here
24:09What about that drink then, chab?
24:10Celebration drink?
24:11Ain't yours way for one, won't you, Arnie?
24:12Yeah, quick one, Del, mineral water, something like that
24:15Okay, good boys
24:16Oh, Rodney
24:17Whip out there into the fridge in the kitchen with you
24:19I'll get the beers
24:20Well, soon as there is a special occasion
24:22I think I'll have a little drop of that port
24:23Yeah, same here, Del
24:25I'll hang on for a beer
24:26Pat
24:26Yeah, it's me, love, yeah
24:28No, I don't know what time I'll be back
24:30Soon as I can drag myself away from this bunch of toe rags
24:34Don't wait up for him, Pat
24:36He's probably on a ghost up
24:37She'll think I'm back on the booze
24:40So, how's things at home, love?
24:42Cheers, Del
24:43Cheers, the black boys
24:44What?
24:46No, I can't meet him, no
24:47Hang on
24:48No, love
24:51No, I haven't got them anymore
24:53Pat, I would not joke about a thing as serious as this
24:56I've just this minute sold them to Del and his consortium
24:59But I don't care how much money he's got
25:02I'm not getting excited
25:04All right
25:06Look, I will meet him
25:08And I will explain the situation
25:09All right
25:10All right, I'll call you
25:12Everything all right, Arnie?
25:16You know that, um, client of mine I told you about
25:19Yeah, what, that Mr Stavros, what have you?
25:22Yeah, he's, uh, in London
25:23He wants to meet me
25:24For lunch
25:25Oh, you mean he's come to pick up the chains
25:27Yes, ironic, isn't it?
25:29He's got 25 grand in cash to give me
25:33And I've just let him go for 12 and a half
25:34What's all this about, then?
25:36Well, about six months ago, Arnie made a deal on these chains
25:40With some international jeweler mush
25:42So they weren't yours to sell in the first place?
25:44No, no, they belong to me, no
25:45Uh, Mr Stavros never actually gave me any money for them
25:48But he's an odd sort of person
25:51Once you've shaken on the deal, as far as he's concerned
25:54There is property, and now he's come to collect
25:56Oh, he's given to bouts of mindless violence, isn't he?
25:59Very, very nasty
26:01He wants a war
26:02We'll give him one
26:03Won't we?
26:04No
26:04I don't like the sound of that
26:08Oh, don't worry, Albert
26:09There won't be many naval engagements in this one
26:11Well, look
26:13Why don't we just sell the chains back to Arnie?
26:15We have a small profit, of course
26:17Are you off your trolley?
26:19Well, we'll still be making a bit each, boys
26:21Well, we could double our money on these things
26:23Yeah, but Stavros is going to give Arnie a bad time, isn't he?
26:27Well, I don't care if he redecorates Regent Street with Arnie
26:30This is business
26:32No, I have every sympathy for Arnie's predicament
26:35But at the end of the day, it's a bit like Mike's pub grub
26:37Tough
26:38I don't believe you sometimes
26:41I just don't believe you
26:42You call yourself a businessman
26:43You're missing the most important point of the whole situation
26:47There is a man in London who wants to buy 250 18-karat gold chains from Arnie here
26:52He is willing to pay £25,000 with cash on the hip
26:56But Arnie doesn't have them anymore
26:59We do
27:00So what are you saying, Del?
27:07Blimey, give me a piece of chalk, somebody, will you?
27:09What I'm trying to say is
27:11Why don't we ask Arnie to keep his luncheon appointment with this man
27:14And sell them chains for us
27:16For which we will give Arnie, what, a two grand for his trouble?
27:20That way Stavros gets the goods at the agreed price
27:23Arnie gets a deuce in bunts
27:26Plus he keeps his kneecaps where nature intended
27:28And Arnie Saltium gets ten and a half grand profit for doing so at all
27:32Everyone's a winner
27:34Après moi, love the luge
27:36Well, I like the sound of that, Del
27:40All right
27:40Yes, that's not a bad idea, Del
27:42Right, now then
27:43Okay then
27:44Now then, Arnie, where is this?
27:46Where is this restaurant of yours?
27:48This is a little place off the King's Road
27:50So I'd better get my skates on
27:52I think it would be a good idea if we came with you, don't you, Arnie?
27:56Yeah, he's right and all, Arnie
27:58I mean, you don't want to be walking across the estate with a case full of gold, do you?
28:01Not on your own, anyway
28:02Fair enough
28:03Well, let's get going, we haven't got long
28:05Here, Trigg, don't let him out of our sight
28:07Go on, go on
28:08Oi, come on, Albert, get that down here, get in the van, come on
28:10Let's go
28:11Oh, come on, Cassandra, ring
28:17Right, finding you, if that's what you think
28:23I'm a man
28:26May I help you, sir?
28:35I'm expecting to meet Mr Stavros here, with his book
28:38Mr Stavros?
28:39Yes, he has booked the table
28:40I'm afraid the gentleman has not arrived yet
28:42Would you tell to wait at the table?
28:44Yes
28:44Yes, gentlemen
28:53Table for two, please
28:54Have your book?
28:55No, we haven't
28:56I'm afraid we are very crowded at the moment
28:58This might make a bit of room
29:00Of course, grazie
29:02Enrico, numero due per i signori
29:05Grazie
29:06Thank you
29:07Thank you
29:07Cheers
29:12Cheers
29:14Hmm?
29:16Okay
29:17Why didn't you sit that side?
29:40Because I wouldn't be able to see Arnie then
29:42Why?
29:43What's the matter?
29:45It's
29:45It's that we're both sitting on the same side
29:47It's all
29:49Next to each other
29:51So it might look a bit funny
29:55What do you mean?
29:57People might think that we're a bit funny
30:01Why don't you go and sit on the other side then?
30:06I just want to keep me on Arnie then
30:07So do I
30:08Yes, I know, but it's my consortium
30:09I put most of the money in
30:10But it was my idea
30:11Nice to see you again, sir
30:18Nice to see you
30:20Nice to see you
30:24Hi
30:31There's a kitchen around off the morning
30:33People will think they'll have a woof-dus or something
30:35I can't think what they like
30:36I've got Sam Grant sitting up there
30:38That's all I'm concerned with
30:39Do you reckon it'll turn by or anything there?
30:45I don't care if it does
30:46No?
30:48No
30:49This is a fast car
30:52What's he doing, Rodney?
30:56What do you mean, what's he doing?
30:58You can see what he's doing
30:59He's sitting in a window there reading a menu
31:02It's a bit suspicious, isn't it?
31:05What, a bloke sitting in a restaurant reading a menu?
31:08Yeah, very iffy
31:10Could you get me a glass of water, please?
31:12I'm feeling rather hot
31:13Would you care to order now?
31:29Yes, I'd like an ambulance
31:30Yes, an ambulance
31:34I'm not very well
31:35Yes, sir
31:36Telephone up to an ambulance
31:37Presto
31:38Are you alright, sir?
31:50What's happened?
31:52It's Arnie
31:53He's had a connery
31:54Well, what are we going to do?
31:56I don't know
31:56I think you have to pump their chests or something
31:58I'm talking about our bloody money and chains
32:00There's nothing else we can do now, is there?
32:02My money and my gold
32:03Ain't going to no National Health Hospital
32:05The entire kitchen staff will be off to Miami if it does
32:08What are you going to do?
32:10Watch
32:10Don't panic
32:14I am a doctor
32:16Stand aside
32:19Stand aside
32:20Let the dog see the rabbit
32:21Oh, yes
32:26Very nasty
32:27He needs an operation
32:28He's not a doctor
32:30He's mugging the poor man
32:32Hi
32:35Yeah
32:36Call the police
32:44Yes
32:44Yes, madam
32:45I call the police
32:45Alright, there'll be no need
32:50I am an officer of the law
32:53I'm a small town policeman
32:56Do you get the impression
33:04All he's not going according to plan
33:06Okay, sunshine
33:11You are nicked
33:12Come on, out you go
33:13Rest assured, madam
33:14When we get him down the police station
33:16We'll give him a bloody good hiding
33:18Hey, come on, you
33:20Now, come on
33:21What happened?
33:30He's had a connery
33:31You mean he's dead?
33:32No, no, he's still alive
33:33The ambulance got here
33:34Just in time
33:35So where's the money and the gold?
33:40Where do you think it is?
33:41It's in Arnie's hold on
33:42Why'd you make us leave the restaurant?
33:44Because they've just called the old bill
33:46Arnie's got seven and a half grand
33:48Of your unlaundered money
33:49Plus a case full of gold
33:51From a VAT fraud
33:52Do you want to tell the police
33:53That it's really yours?
33:54Why didn't you try
33:55And get the case off his wrist?
33:57Blind old Riley
33:58You tried that, didn't you?
33:59And you got a punch in the nose
34:00And a whack over your head
34:01For your trouble
34:01Do you think I'm a wally or something?
34:03So where are we going to get it back?
34:05It's all right
34:05We'll go to the hospital
34:07All we've got to do
34:08Is find out what time
34:09Their visiting hours are
34:10It'll be cushy
34:11But we don't know
34:15Which hospital they're taking him to
34:17We'll follow them
34:18Mike, your car's pretty nippy
34:20You do the following
34:21Right, mate
34:22I can't believe it
34:27I've been clamped
34:29Warning
34:33Follow that ambulance
34:34Right, I'm going to make a couple of phone calls now
34:55Leave that phone alone, Michael
34:57No one touches it
34:58I've just been clamped
35:00I'm going to phone the authorities
35:01Sort it all out
35:02Look, I'm expecting a very important phone call any minute now
35:05From Rodney or Arnie or the hospital
35:07You just sort your car out tomorrow
35:09What's good for a broken nose?
35:12Baseball back
35:13Knuckle duster
35:14I mean
35:17My nose might be broken
35:19Will you shut up
35:20Going on about your Arruda
35:21Or I'll ram this up it for a splint
35:23Rodney
35:26Rodney, good boy
35:26What's happened?
35:27We followed the ambulance down to St Stephen's Hospital
35:30Right now we know where to visit
35:32No, that's where we lost them
35:34You lost them?
35:35Yep
35:35We just went straight down to Fulham Road
35:37Oh, God
35:39Blue
35:40I mean, how could you possibly lose an ambulance?
35:43It's a ruddy great big white thing
35:45With a flashing blue light on the top
35:47And in case your peepers ain't too clever
35:49It makes it sound like an air raid siren
35:51So go straight through red lights
35:54Well, what are we going to do now?
35:55All our money and our gold is laying in some matron's office
35:58It's all right, boys
35:59I don't worry
36:00Listen, we'll phone every hospital and ask if he's there
36:02No, no, no
36:03Hospitals won't give you that sort of information over the phone
36:06All right, well, we'll drive round them all then
36:07Well, that's going to take forever
36:09There must be 25 hospitals in London
36:11Thank God for the Tory party
36:13Otherwise it could have been 30
36:14How about answer that?
36:17If that is Rodney's girlfriend
36:18Tell her to phone back later
36:20Look, it doesn't matter how long it takes
36:22As long as we find him, does it?
36:23No, it's some Indian doctor from Arnie's ward
36:26Well, tell me I haven't got time to talk to him now
36:28I'm trying to find him
36:29Hello, hello
36:32Hello, doctor
36:33Yes, this is he
36:36Arnie
36:37Yes, yes, Arnold
36:40Yes
36:41Oh, yes, I knew the deceased very well
36:44We...
36:45Deceased?
36:47Do you mean to say that he is dead?
36:49Oh, I love him
36:50I just love him
36:51Yes, he has
36:52It's come as a very nasty shock
36:54Yeah
36:55What about our loot?
36:56All right
36:57Um, doctor
36:58Yes, I wondered
37:00Um
37:00Arnie had about his purse
37:03And a couple of
37:03Little keepsakes of mine
37:05I wondered if you had found them
37:07What?
37:08It's 250 18-karat gold chains
37:11And 12 and a half grand in used notes
37:13He's what?
37:15His widow has taken all his belongings
37:17I just wondered if you could give me her address
37:21No, no, I am a personal friend of theirs
37:24No, it's just that they moved recently, you see
37:27And I wanted to make sure she got hold of me
37:29About the funeral arrangements
37:31Yes, I know
37:33I know you're not supposed to give out addresses to any Tom, Dick or Harry
37:36But this is different
37:37Doctor, look, I'll give you a good drink
37:40No
37:41Don't hang up
37:42He's unharmed
37:45Did he give you her address?
37:47No, he said he couldn't
37:48It's confidential
37:49Well, how are we going to find her then?
37:50I don't know yet
37:52I could go down to the town hall
37:54And find his name on the electoral register
37:56Well done, Rodder's good thinking
37:58No, he only moved here recently from Lambeth
38:00He wouldn't be on the list yet
38:01You dipstick
38:03Well, all right
38:05I'll go down to Lambeth town, Aldi
38:07Good idea, Roddy
38:08Go on, go to Lambeth
38:09Right
38:09Arnold what?
38:11Eh?
38:12What's his surname?
38:14I don't know
38:14I never caught his surname
38:15Well, does it matter, huh?
38:17Well, of course it matters
38:18They ain't going to be down
38:20Who in the electoral register
38:21Is Arnie and Pat, are they?
38:23This is something else
38:25Here
38:25The 111 Club
38:27They'll have his full name and address
38:28On his membership form
38:29Yes, yes
38:30No, no, no
38:31He wasn't a member
38:32I've got an idea
38:33The phone
38:35Oh, my God
38:37He's hearing things now
38:39Oh, and he was the last one
38:40To dial out on his phone
38:41He called his wife
38:43At their house
38:45Remember?
38:46So what?
38:47This phone's got a redial button
38:48If you press that
38:49You get straight through to Arnie's house
38:51Right, right
39:03How are we going to explain it to her, eh?
39:05It looks a bit bad turning up just before the funeral
39:07Laying claim to most of his estate
39:09No, it's all right
39:10Arnie told her that he'd sold the chains to Del's
39:12That'll be no problem
39:13Wait a minute
39:14Hello, hello
39:17Hello
39:18I'm awfully sorry to bother you in your hour of darkness
39:22Yes, but I was a friend of Arnie's and I was just wondering
39:25Sorry?
39:27Oh
39:29Oh, sorry, sorry
39:30Biggerpond
39:31Sorry to have bothered you
39:32Huh, bye
39:33Strange, innit?
39:36I've just got through to the Highcliffe Ruddy Hotel
39:39Gunsey
39:40But I'm sorry, Del
39:44Look, I only caught to see whether Cassandra got there safely, innit?
39:48And that's it, innit?
39:49We've done our money
39:51And it's vanished into Finnear
39:52Oh, now, boy scene, boy scene
39:54I am going to see if I can buy myself a little doll that looks something like you
40:00And then I'm going to burn it
40:02Shh, boy scene, keep your chin up
40:05Boy scene, just keep your chin up, eh?
40:07I am going to get my cart unclamped, Del
40:10Thanks for everything
40:12Oh, Michael, Michael, you know, don't give up
40:14Michael, you've given up
40:14Please don't give up
40:15Remember what Churchill said, you know, he said up the Alamo
40:24I'm sorry, Trigg, that your Aunt Rean had to pawn her necklace
40:28Shall I give her a ring and explain?
40:31Oh, no, don't do that, Del
40:32She doesn't know she's pawned it yet
40:36So, how was it?
40:49The hotel was horrible
40:50The weather was lousy
40:51The food was rotten
40:52And the people were boring
40:53Oh, good
40:55The people were right
40:56Some of them did hold an orgy
40:58Are you kidding?
41:01No, honestly
41:02I stayed for about an hour
41:03And then I got fed up
41:04Oh, no, I hate this sort of thing
41:14Down
41:19Down
41:21Oh, my God, my God
41:25I think I could dig up it
41:27Come on, here
41:28Come on, here
41:28Come on
41:30What's the matter, Rodney?
41:39You look like you've seen a ghost
41:40Down us in South East London
41:43Rodney saw him in South West London
41:46He's doing it all over the town
41:47Yeah
41:48You'd think he'd be taking things easy in his condition, wouldn't you?
41:51No, Trig, there's nothing wrong with it
41:58I mean, he's not a sick man, is he?
41:59I mean, he's a con man
42:00So you don't reckon he's really ill?
42:05That is what I suspect
42:06Right, lads, what's going?
42:08How are you, Denzel?
42:10Want a drink?
42:10No, I'm all right
42:11No, I'm all right
42:12Can I get you on?
42:14Can I join you?
42:14No, it's a bit awkward at the moment, Denzel
42:17You know, we are in conference
42:18What?
42:19We're in conference
42:19I thought we was having a chat
42:21Listen, Del, I haven't got long
42:24I've got the truck outside
42:26I'm off to Germany
42:26We'll be bringing a load back
42:28Oh, well, that's all right, then, Denzel
42:30Go on, have a nice trip
42:31Are you ill or something?
42:33I've just said I'm going to Germany
42:34And I will be bringing a load back
42:36And you haven't even asked what it is
42:38Yes, I know, Denzel
42:38But I'm a bit busy at the moment
42:40You know, I'll talk to you later
42:41Well, see you do
42:42I might have a deal for you
42:44Yeah, all right, mate
42:44See you in a minute
42:45Boise, hey
42:49Got time for a chat?
42:50Some other time, Denzel
42:51Some other time
42:52Mike, can I...
42:54See the bar, mate, Denzel
42:55I'm busy
42:56Rodney
42:58How's it going?
42:59Yeah, a bit tied up at the moment, Denzel
43:01I'll talk to you later, all right
43:02Rodney
43:09Why are people ignoring me?
43:10What have I done to them?
43:11Nothing, nothing
43:12It's just there's a bit of heavy stuff
43:14Going down at the moment
43:15Do you know what I mean?
43:16Oh, by the way
43:17Denzel, this is Cassandra
43:19My, uh...
43:20Choose your words carefully, Rodney
43:21My friend
43:23And Cassandra
43:24This is Denzel
43:24Nice to meet you
43:26You too
43:26Right
43:28Well, I'll leave you two to have a little chat then
43:30See you later
43:30Come on, hurry up
43:34Sit down, buddy
43:35Sit down
43:35I was under the impression
43:36That Arnie was a good family man
43:38I mean, all he ever spoke of
43:39Was his wife, Gary and young Stephen
43:41Yes, I know
43:42And I'm under the impression
43:43That Gary and young Stephen
43:44Are about six foot tall
43:45And they like to dress up as ambulance men
43:48What?
43:48You mean it's their ambulance?
43:49No, can't be dull
43:51Remember when Arnie come over bad in a restaurant
43:53It was a staff that phoned for the ambulance
43:55Yeah, but it didn't half arrive quick though, didn't it?
43:58Yeah, you come to mention it
44:00It was a bit lively
44:01Anyway, I phoned that restaurant this afternoon
44:03And the manager told me
44:04That ten minutes after Arnie's ambulance arrived
44:07Another one turned up
44:08The real one
44:09Yeah
44:10We reckon they could do it with split-second timing, right?
44:13At one o'clock
44:14Arnie does his dying swan act
44:16And at three minutes past one
44:18His boys turn up in their ambulance
44:20Then it's off into the white blue yonder
44:21Yeah, no one's going to question
44:23A couple of medical orderlies, are they?
44:24Carrying a sick man out of a restaurant
44:26And no one can follow an ambulance
44:28Because
44:29It goes through red lights
44:31And you can pick up these old ambulances
44:33For next to nothing anywhere
44:34I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?
44:36I mean, beautiful
44:37So what's Mr Stavros got to do with it all?
44:40Look, Mr Stavros
44:44Look, don't exist, Trigg, does he, eh?
44:46Well, Arnie seemed to know him pretty well
44:48No, he only did
44:50They invented him, didn't they?
44:51Just to get us on the
44:52And the
44:52You see, when he
44:53This still doesn't get me my money back
44:56I'm sitting here still convalescing
44:58From open-wallet surgery
44:59See, all right, all right
45:02Listen
45:02At least we know that Arnie and the Doe
45:04Are still out there somewhere
45:05Gives us half a chance
45:06So listen to me
45:07I have put the word about
45:09That I am looking for some gold chains, right?
45:11Right, I'm off you guys
45:12I'll see you later
45:13Yeah, see you, Denzel
45:14Nice talking to you, Cassandra
45:16You too, Denzel
45:17Safe trip
45:18I bring this meeting to a conclusion, gentlemen
45:21All I can say is
45:23Just keep your ears to the ground, right?
45:25Trigg, that just means listen out
45:27It doesn't mean get on your hands and knees
45:28Come on, Rodney
45:30Let's go over there
45:31See you, chaps
45:31Sorry to leave you talking to a total stranger
45:38Don't worry, Rodney
45:39Even strangers can be fun
45:41I found that out in Guernsey
45:42Look at his face now, look
45:45He looks as though he sucked on a lemon
45:46Anyway, that Denzel's a nice bloke, don't he?
45:49He left a message
45:50He heard that you were interested in buying some gold chains
45:53Oh, not more gold-plated Mickey Mouse gear, please
45:57Apparently one of his brothers
45:58Carl, is it?
45:59Yeah, the one who lives in Bethel Green
46:00Apparently he's met some guy in a casino
46:03A retired jeweller or something
46:04Who's got two hundred and...
46:07Fifty
46:08Yes, two hundred and fifty gold chains for sale
46:11And Denzel and his brothers are buying them
46:13Where is Denzel now?
46:14He's just left
46:15He's just left
46:16Denzel, don't buy them
46:18Now you're going to have to shout loud
46:20If a nap, Denzel's not like a German, eh
46:22Denzel, nicht buying them
46:24Can you see Dad?
46:40Yeah, he's in position
46:41About another four minutes
46:42Right
46:43And this time you make the phone call
46:45It's always me who has to pretend to be the hospital doctor
46:48Did you know the deceased very well?
46:50OK, I'll do it
46:52I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well
47:04Could you get me an ambulance?
47:06Wonderful
47:33You don't look too well
47:45What's that?
47:51Ambulance come, he gone
47:52Watch it, fellas
48:01What's that?
48:03Get in
48:05I take it easy, fellas
48:11I can explain everything
48:13We're not looking for explanations
48:16It's all very clear
48:17But at least let's have a chat
48:19And funnily enough
48:20There was one or twelve and a half thousand things
48:23We wanted to talk to you about
48:25Try this, Dale boy
48:27Thank you, Doctor
48:28You don't need that to cut the chain off
48:32I've got a key
48:34You said anything about cutting the chain off?
48:41Calm down, Arnie
48:42Calm down
48:43You'll give yourself an art attack
48:46You're the only person in the air
48:58я
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25:25
46:04
25:36
21:27
46:04
1:11:04
1:23:03
1:04:24
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