- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S06E06 Little Problems
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:30Why do only fools and horses work
00:33So then, the obstetrician takes me and Marlene into this room
00:46And they've got a scanning machine
00:48You know one of them things they can see right inside the womb?
00:55Then, suddenly, on this monitor screen
00:59We saw this shape
01:01It was amazing
01:03What was it?
01:07It was a baby
01:08What do you think it was? A Cornish pasty?
01:11I mean, was it a boy or a girl?
01:14I don't know
01:15They don't give you a close-up
01:16But I could just tell by the proud way it held its head
01:21It was my child
01:22Blown all them rumours to bits then, hadn't it?
01:30Yeah, that's right, the doctor's...
01:32What rumours?
01:36Well, a lot of people thought Marlene was imagining it
01:38You know, like a phantom pregnancy
01:40Oh, no, I've seen the proof
01:43It's all pucker
01:44Of course, there's a long way to go
01:46The baby's head is not yet engaged
01:48What Rodney Trotter is
01:51Look at him, poor little sock
01:54If he's like this now
01:58How's he going to become a wedding?
02:00I've heard two of the bridesmaids are Samaritans
02:02Come on, cheer up, son
02:07Ain't the end of the world
02:08So you failed some silly little exam
02:11I did not fail some silly little exam
02:14You didn't pass, did you?
02:17It happened to be an extremely important exam
02:19If I'd have passed that
02:21I would now have a diploma in computer science
02:24It would have been the foundations of a real career
02:26Instead of which I have all the prospects and future
02:29Of a Sinclair C5
02:31I just wanted to be somebody in Cassandra's eyes
02:37With that diploma, I could have applied for a proper job
02:40Look on the bright side, son
02:42You'd have most probably failed the interview
02:44I've already passed the interview
02:46How do you mean?
02:48You promised you won't say a word to do
02:50Cassandra's dad's offered me a position in his company
02:53See, he's expanding the computer section
02:56He wants me to help run it
02:57Of course, he was under the impression
02:59That this diploma exam was a foregone conclusion
03:02Who told him that?
03:04Me
03:04No, but that's not the only thing
03:08See, me and Cassandra
03:10We found this really nice flat
03:11It's brilliant, you know
03:12It's modern and everything
03:14Only thing is
03:15We've got to put down a six grand deposit
03:17Yeah, now Cassandra's taking 2,000 out of her savings
03:21Her mum and dad have given us two grand as a wedding present
03:23And it's up to me to find the other two
03:25Where am I going to find 2,000 pounds?
03:28With my savings and salary
03:30I'd be lucky if we get a week in a timeshare tent
03:32It's going to be so good up until that bloody exam
03:37You can do one of two things, Rodney
03:40You can go down to council and see if they've got a place
03:43Or you can sell your share of the business to Dell for 2,000 pounds
03:48Oi, that's not a bad idea, ronk
03:50I haven't thought of that
03:51Yeah, I'll go down to council this afternoon
03:55Go on, Mike
03:57Look, ah, Rodders
03:59There you are, look at this
04:00Look what I've got
04:01Executive mobile phone
04:03Solid state of the arts
04:04You can phone someone from the top of a mountain with one of these, you know
04:07It's all to do with, um
04:09Stapolites or something
04:10Anyway
04:11They normally retail at 1,99 pounds, 99 pence
04:15I got them for 25 nicker each
04:16Who'd you get them from?
04:19Well, you know that Mickey Pearson, Jevon
04:20They started trading, you know
04:22So I said they'd help them out
04:23I took 100 of them
04:23100?
04:24Well, that's 2,500 pounds
04:27I think they'll wear that sort of money on the phone
04:28No, no, no, we haven't
04:29We've got them
04:30I've got them on sale and return, haven't I?
04:31What I don't sell, I return
04:33Lovely jubbly
04:33Ha, ha, ha
04:34So, how'd you go last night?
04:36How'd you make it?
04:37Well, you know, about down at the night school
04:39You know, about the old results of the exam
04:40Oh, er, Mr. Jameel said he hadn't had a chance to look at everyone's work yet, so
04:45No, you passed
04:46Rodney, you passed
04:48I can feel it
04:49With your diploma and my yuppie image, we're on our way up
04:52And to celebrate the occasion
04:54I've just been down to printers
04:56And I have ordered 200 of these
05:00Trotters, independent traders, headed notepaper
05:04Ha, ha, this'll let them know we're around, eh?
05:06What's all those initials?
05:08Modern business people only speak in initials, don't they?
05:12I mean, you know, you've got, like, FT, Financial Times
05:15BA, British Airways
05:16GLC, General Electric Company
05:19Yeah, look, have we got, er, a list of company directors and all that?
05:24Oh, yeah, you and me
05:25Yeah
05:26What's these initials after my name, then?
05:29D-I-C
05:30No, that is Diploma in Computerisation, Rodney
05:36Yeah
05:38I mean, it's got impact
05:40Oh, yeah, they'll see our high profile coming a mile off
05:43Del, thanks to your high profile
05:45We now have a company called TIT
05:47And a director with Dick after his name
05:49No, no, no, no
05:52That stands for Trotters, Independent Traders
05:54And D-I-C is Diploma in...
05:57TIT
05:58I see what you mean, Rodney
06:01I'd better get on to the printers
06:03And my executive mobile phone
06:05Let's see how we work this
06:07Here we are, boys
06:08Compliments of the stud
06:10Eh? Who's there?
06:11Eh?
06:12Oh, it's Boisey
06:13Hello, Boisey
06:14All right?
06:14All right, Trish, cheers, cheers
06:16Here, Michael, just before you go
06:17Come and have a look at this
06:18Look at this
06:19Executive mobile phone
06:21Right?
06:22I can let you have this
06:23For what I paid
06:24Forty nickel
06:25Nice looking model
06:27Yeah, well, I mean, you know
06:28It is, it's top of the range
06:29Aerial's a bit urgent, isn't it?
06:33Ah, yeah, well
06:34That's the idea
06:35See, it's called Instant Aerial
06:37It's a feature of this particular model, you see
06:39So I'll tell you what
06:40I'll show you how it works
06:41I'll give you a little demonstration
06:42Um, first of all, you press there
06:45And then you start
06:46Oh, that's alright
07:01Ah, I know what that is
07:04I know that's alright
07:05The statalite has moved out of position, you see
07:07Hang about, there'll be another one along in a minute
07:11All right?
07:13I think I'll stick to the phone in the public bar, Bill
07:15Hey, Michael, listen
07:16I'll tell you what I can do
07:17Look, I'll let you have it for 35 quid
07:18I don't mind losing a fiver for a mate
07:20Don't worry, this time next year
07:23We'll be millionaires
07:25I thought Rodney said that video recorder
07:35Could only work on Continental Electric
07:38Yeah, that's why I popped over to Cali
07:40And got myself a couple of bucketfuls of it this morning
07:42No, it's alright
07:44Yeah, you know that little Chinese kid
07:46Who lives over in Desmond Tutu House
07:48Well
07:48He's a bit of a boffin when it comes to the old electronics
07:53So I got him to fit an adapter on the back of it for me
07:56Chinese kid?
07:57Yeah
07:57The one you always said was stupid
07:59No, he is not stupid
08:01Actually, that Chinese kid's a bit of a genius
08:03When it comes to the old electronics
08:05It's all about that
08:06That diploma exam of yours
08:08Wasn't as easy as you thought it would be, was it?
08:10Who told you that?
08:11Was that Albert?
08:12No, no, it wasn't
08:13I bumped into that Mr. Jameel
08:15That teacher at your training college
08:16Bill, everything I did in that examination was correct
08:20Well, except for one minor miscalculation
08:24You see, we had to program a computer with a mock flight plan, right?
08:28It was supposed to be an unmanned space probe
08:30You know, it's stupid
08:31Well, he was given all the information, you know
08:34Navigational data
08:36Analysis of payload ratio to engine capacity
08:39Yeah, well, you need all that, don't you?
08:42Yeah, I know
08:43But I got a bit confused between litres and gallons, right?
08:48Well, round here in Peckham, you know
08:49We don't have much dealing with continental measurements
08:52So, I didn't program enough fuel
08:55And my probe fell slightly short of Venus
08:58He mentioned the Dartford
09:01Listen, sopper
09:05You don't actually know that you haven't passed
09:07I mean, no-one's told you that you failed
09:09Dale, I don't need a weatherman to tell me when he's peeing down
09:13Mr. Jameel handed out all the diplomas the other night, right?
09:17Except for me
09:18Well, you know, maybe he was busy
09:20Maybe he hadn't got round to looking at yours yet
09:22Oh, Dale, don't patronise me
09:24Look, I nosed it up and that's all there is to it
09:26All right, okay, you know best
09:29But Mr. Jameel asked me to give you this
09:34He wanted me to apologise for him
09:37And say he was very sorry, but he's been very busy
09:39And he's only just got round to looking at your work
09:42All that whinging and whining and you've passed all the time
09:46I don't believe it
09:48Here you are, Rodney, you've done it
09:50Hey, I'm proud of you
09:51Oh, cheers, Dale
09:53Yes
09:53Now you can get that job you wanted, can't you?
09:55Yeah, well, I have any problem
09:56Who told you that?
09:59Was that Albert?
10:00No, it was not Albert
10:01It was Cassandra's dad
10:02You've met Cassandra's dad?
10:04Well, yeah
10:05I mean, he's got that little printing firm, hasn't he?
10:07And I wanted to get them letterheads printed
10:09And I thought, well, I'll take the business down to him
10:11You know, keep it in the family
10:12He's a nice bloke, as it happens
10:14Is that Alan?
10:15We had a nice chat and a drink
10:16No, Cassandra's dad don't drink
10:18Oh, no, but this was a special occasion, wasn't it?
10:21The heads of two great households meet him for the first time
10:24It was a bit like a summit
10:27So, anyway, we had a couple of scotches
10:29And that is when he told me that he offered you the job
10:30Look, you're not upset, are you?
10:33Because, I mean, I'm breaking up the partnership, aren't I?
10:36Oh, not the ship?
10:37Oh, our partnership?
10:37Oh, yeah
10:38Yeah, no
10:39No, no, don't worry about that, Rodney
10:42You're doing the best thing
10:43I mean
10:43No, you've got to go with that, Alan
10:45Because, you know, you can offer you a future
10:48Which is more than I can
10:49Anyway, you've got to have a proper job, haven't you?
10:52To get a mortgage for that new flat
10:54Who told you that?
10:57Was that Cassandra's dad?
10:58No, Albert told me
10:59So, what are you doing about the deposit, then?
11:04Oh, I don't know, mate
11:05I mean, where am I going to get £2,000?
11:09Off your big brother
11:10What?
11:12I'm giving you £2,000
11:14As a wedding present
11:15Well, where are you going to get that sort of mummy?
11:19Well, Moody, don't I? Moody
11:20I just call him at that
11:21Well, you mean I can tell Cassandra in her day?
11:24You can tell the Daily Mirror for all I care
11:26Well, that'll be her
11:29Oh, cheers, mate
11:30Where are you going to get all that money from?
11:40Well, you know these video recorders
11:43That I sold to old Boise a few months ago
11:45Well, he still hasn't weighed in with the old Dosharooney
11:47So, I'll get the money off him and give it to Rodney
11:50And it'll all be res de chasse
11:52As they say in the do-doin
11:53Look, who's here?
11:57Hello, darling, all right?
11:57Hello, Dale
11:58All right, Albert?
11:59Hello, love
12:00You passed
12:03Hmm
12:04Oh, you clever old thing
12:06Oh, well, you know, it was nothing
12:08Oh, by the way
12:11Would you ask your dad how he'd like the deposit paid?
12:14You know, cash or cheque?
12:15You got the 2,000?
12:17Of course
12:17I don't think he cares if it's cash or a cheque
12:20Ah, well, that's cool
12:22Going out tonight, sweetheart?
12:24Yes, we're going to see an Italian film
12:25Oh, getting in the mood for your honeymoon in Rimini, eh?
12:30Oh, shut up
12:31Dale
12:31How are you going to understand that film if it's all in foreign?
12:36No, it's got English subtitles underneath
12:38Oh, Albert wouldn't bother with the subtitles
12:40He can speak Italian
12:42No, he can't read
12:43Oh, that's a coincidence
12:47My dad's just come home with one of these
12:49Has he?
12:50Oh, well, there's a thing
12:51Hope your mum's pleased
12:51Well, no, actually
12:53He came home absolutely plastered
12:54Really?
12:56Oh
12:56Right, go on
13:00Sit down, sit down
13:01Now then, where's machine?
13:03It's got to be all right now
13:04All right, here we go
13:06I've done it at last
13:07Now
13:07We're off and running
13:09I don't believe it
13:17Oh, that stupid Chinese kid
13:20Why did I ever trust him?
13:24All right, well, I'll see you later then
13:26Yeah, go on
13:28Enjoy the film
13:29Here, I'm really pleased that Rodney's got his diploma
13:36Luckily you bumped into that Mr. Jamil, innit?
13:39Yeah
13:40How much did you give him?
13:41150
13:41You see, it comes complete with batteries
13:48Plus this little attachment so you can attach it to the dashboard of your car
13:52You see?
13:53There it is
13:53All of that, 35 pounds
13:56Now, watch my lips very closely
13:58Mm-hmm
13:59I do not want one
14:01Only an idiot would buy one of those things
14:03You've got one
14:05No, I haven't
14:07I'm thinking again, my mother
14:10Well done, Treek
14:13Right, I'll show you how it works, right?
14:15Ah, just the man
14:17Excuse me, gentlemen
14:18Her business
14:19Boyce, come over with you, please
14:20Sit down over there
14:21Come on
14:22Now then, listen
14:24What are you going to weigh in with the money for those video recorders I sold you?
14:30Adele, I have told you before, I am not paying you for them, they don't work
14:34Listen, I've solved that problem
14:36There's a little Chinese kid over on my estate
14:38Now, he's an electronics genius
14:41Now, you give me the three and a half that you owe me
14:43And I'll get him to fix adapters on all your machines
14:46And he'll sell like hot cakes
14:47Adele, I've got to be honest with you
14:50I am skint
14:52Oh, don't give me that, Boyce
14:54It's the truth
14:55Marlene's pregnancy is costing me an arm and a leg
14:57She's at a dodgy age for knocking out her first chubby
15:01She needs to be under constant surveillance by a very expensive group of medical experts
15:07She's already had a week in a private ward
15:09Well, can't she go on a national health?
15:12Well, of course she can't
15:13I can't expect my wife to mix with all those ordinary patients
15:16Have you seen the way some of them dress?
15:20Look, I've got Rodney's wedding coming up
15:22I need that money
15:23I am just potless, Del, and that is no lie
15:27It's the kipper season, nobody's buying cars
15:30But don't worry, I will pay you that money as soon as things pick up
15:34That'll be too late by then, won't it?
15:36I am sorry, Del Boy, you cannot get blood out of a stone
15:41Oh, talking of blood
15:45I heard the Driscoll brothers were looking for you
15:48Driscoll brothers looking for me?
15:51What do they want with me?
15:52I never deal with the Driscoll brothers
15:53I make sure of that
15:54Well, perhaps they want to look at Rodney's wedding list
15:57Oh, that's pretty funny
16:00Half a shandy, please, Michael
16:02I guessed I'd find you here, you so rogue
16:08Ah, Alan, what a pleasant surprise
16:12Yeah, look at who's here
16:14It's Cassandra's dad, Rodney's future father
16:16Howdy, nice to meet you
16:18Oh, hello, Alan
16:19Let me shake you by the hand, Alan
16:20You're a brave man letting a trotter into your family
16:23Well, there's a good lad, I like him
16:25That's right, he's one in a million
16:26Now come, you come and sit down over here, Alan
16:28Get away from all this riff-raff
16:30Go on, what you drinking?
16:31Oh, just a lemonade for me, thanks, Del
16:33A drink I had with you last week and knocked me sideways
16:35Oh, they touch the stuff these days
16:37And Pam, my wife, she doesn't really agree with drinking
16:39Yeah, well, perhaps you ought to out her
16:42You know, get yourself a younger model
16:43Yeah, but she's been with me for so long now
16:45She's almost one of the family
16:47Go on, I'll have a small scotch, but let's be long
16:51All right, Michael, can I have a scotch?
16:53Any usual for me, please?
16:55Yeah, what have you done to your eye?
16:56Oh, yeah, the aerial on that phone you sold
16:58He came out a bit fast
17:00Oh, yeah, well, you'd had a few sherbets, hadn't you, though, eh?
17:04Anyway, what are you doing around here?
17:05What, to tell you the truth, Del
17:06I got a bit bored, there's something wrong with that television
17:08Oh
17:09So I thought I'd, uh
17:10I'd pop round here and have a chat about the wedding arrangements
17:14You know, I think you should make some sort of contribution to the proceedings
17:16Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, of course
17:19Well, I mean, uh, what sort of hall do you think we should hire?
17:23Well, you know, I mean, I don't think we ought to go mad, you know
17:26It's only a registry office wedding, isn't it, eh?
17:29You know, um, actually, he's got a very nice hall here, you know
17:33Yeah, and it's cheap, you know
17:35Do you know, if I had my way, that's exactly where we'd hold the reception
17:38Good old knees up in a pub and plenty of jelly meals
17:41Well, this place is perfect, isn't it?
17:43And it's cheap
17:43Yeah, yeah, but my wife Pam, she's gone all upmarket on the idea
17:47She wants to hold the reception in a cricket pavilion or the country club
17:51Oh, yeah, she's got it all planned out
17:53It's all Dom Perignon and caviar
17:54Oh, yeah
17:55Not a jelly deal inside, so what do you think?
17:58Well, I reckon you ought to put your foot down
18:00Anyway, you know, how much is this going to cost me?
18:04Cost you?
18:04Hmm
18:04Hotel, not going to cost you a penny
18:07My only child's getting married and I'm paying for the lot
18:10Yeah, well, I thought you said you wanted me to make a contribution
18:12Yeah, with ideas and opinions
18:14Oh
18:16Wow
18:19No, actually, your missus has got a point
18:22You know, I don't think that you and me ought to be selfish, should we?
18:27After all, it is for a happy couple, it is their big day, isn't it, eh?
18:31You don't like those sort of surroundings, do you?
18:33I mean, champagne, caviar, country clubs?
18:35Oh, no, I hate it, Alan, I hate it, it's all put on
18:38I mean, those people just do things for effect
18:40Wilson, Trig, your minicab's here
18:49Well
18:54Excuse me
18:56You two still ain't got the hang of them revolving doors, have you?
19:02Can we have a word, though?
19:03Yeah, of course you can, yeah
19:04Michael, get Vicky and Gemma a drink with you
19:07Yeah, what is it?
19:10Those mobile phones we gave you, you got the money for them yet?
19:13Of course I haven't, I haven't sold them yet, am I?
19:15My goodness
19:15Oh, bloody hell
19:16Oi, what's up with you two?
19:18Sir, sir
19:19I'll see you, sir
19:21Yeah, cheers, Alan
19:23Glad you enjoyed the drink
19:24Hey, Dale
19:28That's a stroke of luck, isn't it?
19:29He's hiring my all for the wedding reception and I'm doing all the food and drink
19:33Where am I going to get jelly deals from?
19:36I'll talk to you later
19:37I don't believe it
19:39See those phones we gave you, Dale?
19:41They weren't ours
19:42We could have had a nice country club
19:44We had them on sale or return, same as you
19:46We could have eaten caviar instead of Mike Scotch eggs
19:49Dale, they want their money
19:50I'm a caviar person, me, you know, most probably
19:54Who wants their money?
19:56The Driscoll Brothers
19:58The Driscoll Brothers?
19:59You ain't been dealing with the Driscoll Brothers, have you?
20:01Only with those mobile phones, we thought they'd be a good seller
20:04Oh, that's it, that's who did that to you, ain't it?
20:07And to your Gregory
20:08No, that's right, that is their trademark, eh?
20:11They don't touch the face, but they knock the hell out of the body
20:14Danny Driscoll said this was a friendly warning
20:17I'm sorry, Dale, we had to tell him you're taking the phones
20:20They've got it in their heads that you're trying to con them
20:23They're looking for you, Dale
20:24I know, I know, I've had a warning
20:27But let me tell you this
20:29If I end up supporting a flyover on the M26
20:32I guarantee that you two are going to be in the next junction
20:37Let me get you a drink, gentlemen
20:40All right, what is all this about, the Driscoll Brothers?
20:44Nothing, nothing at all
20:46Listen, if the Driscoll Brothers come in here asking for me
20:48You ain't seen me, all right?
20:50Listen, I've heard of the Driscoll Brothers, Dale
20:52But I've never seen them
20:53What'd they look like?
20:54Well, one of them looks as though he was evicted from the Planet of the Apes
20:57Yeah
20:57And the other one reminds me of Cliff Richards
21:01What, he looks younger than his years?
21:03No, he's got one of them faces that you want to slap
21:05Here, Chief, did you get Alan off home all right?
21:10Yeah
21:10There was almost an accident
21:11The minicab driver nearly reversed into the Driscoll Brothers' Mercedes
21:15The Driscoll Brothers?
21:16They're here
21:17What door are they coming in?
21:18Well, I don't know
21:18They were just getting out of the car
21:19Dale, quick
21:20Upstairs, hide in the hall
21:21Quickly
21:22Mickey, Jeff, quick
21:23Come on, up there
21:23Quick
21:24Oh, I see
21:38How nice
21:39Hello, Danny
21:40Your brother not with you?
21:43Yeah
21:44Oh, watch her, Tony
21:49Drink?
21:59No
21:59Is that right?
22:01Marlene's up the spout
22:02Yeah
22:03Dear, dear, dear
22:05Will you let us know the moment you find out who've done it
22:08And we'll sort him out
22:09Yeah, right, oh, Danny
22:16Yeah, good one, Danny
22:23Good one
22:24Hellboy around?
22:28No, no
22:29I ain't seen him this evening
22:30Well, that's funny
22:31His van's in the car park
22:32And what's this?
22:35A Costello
22:35And a Malibu reef
22:37You sure he's not around?
22:41Think hard, Governor
22:42Well, he may have been in earlier
22:45And then he left
22:46Oh, I see
22:46You just had this place decorated?
22:50Yeah
22:50Shame
22:51I want to buy everyone in a pub a drink
22:56Whatever they want
22:57Now, there's a pound
22:59And I want change
23:02Large cognac, please, Michael
23:08Keep still
23:13Treat, what are you doing here?
23:21What are you doing here?
23:22It's got nothing to do with you
23:24What are you doing here with a hust?
23:25I don't know, really
23:26He said quick, upstairs
23:27So it just went
23:28There's a doorknob there, Tony
23:37Why don't you just turn it
23:38Like I didn't leave
24:07Let's try the books
24:24We're going
24:30We're in the clear
24:33He's got one of our phones up his nose
24:50Yeah
24:51That's a good idea, isn't it?
24:54Everything all right, Dil?
24:55Oh, yeah, yeah
24:56It's actually frightening
24:57I've just got his phone stuck up my nose
24:59Tony
25:01Help the man
25:02That's all right, Tony
25:03That's all right
25:04I can do it
25:05I thought I said I didn't want to see you faces round here anymore
25:14Yes, Mr. Driscoll
25:15Thank you, Mr. Driscoll
25:17That goes for you, too
25:19Yeah, but
25:20It's all right, Cheek
25:21It's all right, cool
25:21It's all right, Cheek
25:22See you later, cool
25:23You owe us 2,000 pounds
25:27You got the money?
25:29Of course I haven't
25:29I haven't sold the phones yet, have I?
25:31Don't give us that, Derek
25:32Them two youngsters, Ebony and Ivory
25:35Took the phones from us over three months ago
25:37Three months?
25:39I didn't know that, Danny
25:40Do you think we're stupid?
25:45Or do you think I'm stupid?
25:47What?
25:48Them two munchkins work for you
25:50And you're doing a bit of a fagging
25:52Because you picked the wrong ones this time
25:54If you don't come up with the two grand
25:57I'm going to take his collar and lead off
25:59And let him loose on you
26:00You got it wrong
26:04You got it all wrong
26:05I'll tell you what
26:06You're going to have all the phones back, yeah?
26:07I don't want that old rubbish back
26:08Hey, mate, I'll tell you go funny
26:09And at least one of them's been up your router
26:15You've got to give me a bit of time
26:18I mean, you two can't be short of a couple of grand
26:20And do you know why we ain't short of a few, Bob?
26:22No
26:23Because we don't let debts linger
26:25I need to explain something to you, Dale
26:30When me and Tony were kids
26:34We was very, very poor
26:36Our old man
26:39Used to work in the stables
26:40In one of them big mansion houses
26:42He used to work from six in the morning
26:44Till eight at night
26:45And what for?
26:46A pittance
26:47A shilling a day
26:48And an old shit sandwich
26:50And one day there was a robbery at the mansion
26:53The bill arrested our old man
26:56I mean, there wasn't any evidence, was there?
26:58That's right
26:58Just fingerprints
27:01Just fingerprints
27:04And eyewitnesses
27:06They found the jewels on him
27:11It was a plant
27:12Yeah
27:12It was a right fitter
27:15He died in a police cell with a fractured skull
27:19They said it was a suicide attempt that went wrong
27:22All right
27:24Well, whatever way you look at it
27:27They claimed he tried to hang himself with his braces
27:29And smashed himself to death on the ceiling
27:31Do you believe that?
27:37No, no, I don't believe that
27:38No
27:38The day he died
27:41Tony and me swore that no one would ever dump on us
27:43And we would never, never be poor
27:46Wait a minute
27:47After your dad died
27:49You two went to a young offender zone, right?
27:51Now, who was it that used to look after your old mum
27:52With, you know, some mooky groceries
27:54And a bag of coal and all that?
27:55It was me, wasn't it, eh?
27:56Come on, you owe me
27:57No, I mean, come on
27:59I mean, you owe me a bit of time, at least, don't you?
28:03He's right
28:04No, he ain't
28:05We owe him
28:06I don't think we do
28:07Tony
28:08We had an agreement
28:10I do the thinking
28:12You don't
28:14All I tell you
28:18You've got yourself a bit of time
28:19Thanks, cheers, cheers, Tony
28:21When will I see you again?
28:22Don't know
28:23We'll surprise you
28:24Oh, good
28:25I'll look forward to that
28:26Get the money
28:28No
28:29Either you pay us
28:31Or we pay you
28:33Oh, hello, Danny
28:38I just popped up to see if you needed any help
28:41No
28:41I think we handled it pretty well on our own
28:44I'll be seeing you
28:47Soon
28:48Del
28:56Mickey Pierce has just told me you've got some electronic equipment off the Driscoll's
29:00Yes, yes, that's right
29:01It's not them video recorders you've sold me, is it?
29:06Yes
29:07Do the Driscoll's no?
29:10Well, I haven't said anything
29:12No
29:12Yet
29:13Well, you're not going to tell them I got them, are you?
29:16Well, look, they want to give someone a good hiding
29:18Tell us what it was like, won't you, boys?
29:23Here on
29:23Here's most of the money I owe you
29:25Oh, I thought you said you were skin
29:27Oh, yeah
29:27I thought I was
29:28And then I suddenly happened to find three grand in me pocket
29:31That's great with the Driscoll's, will you?
29:34Keep them off me
29:34Yeah, of course you will, boys, see
29:36What are friends for?
29:41So remember, Rodney
29:42Marriage is like a self-service restaurant
29:44You get what you want
29:45You see what your mate's got
29:46You want some of that
29:47I remember my stag night, Rodney
29:52It was about one o'clock in a car park
29:54I was just about to stagger on when they jumped out on me
29:57They jumped out on me
30:00I don't know, it was pitch black
30:03Anyway, they superglued and Lerner signed to me pants
30:07And ran off and left me
30:09I didn't mind the Lerner sign
30:14I just wished they'd let me keep me trousers
30:15What, you didn't have no trousers on?
30:22No, Rodney, no
30:23I'm just popping out
30:26Yeah, what?
30:26Hey, Albert, just a minute
30:27Oi
30:27While you're up there
30:29Put another score in the old kit for me
30:31Go on
30:32Where you going?
30:35Oh, look, there he goes
30:36All right, mate
30:41Fancy putting your head on upside down
30:42I fought in a war
30:48What, the Boer War?
30:50Get out of here, little old so-and-sos
30:52Here, listen, lads
30:53There was this fellow
30:53He was really short
30:54I'll tell you how short he was
30:55He got a job at mother care as a bouncer
30:57That's how short he was
30:59He was so short
31:00He wasn't that short
31:02Actually, he was this tall fellow
31:05He was very
31:06There was this woman
31:09Well, I don't wish to spoil the surprise
31:13But the Driscoll brothers have just arrived
31:15Oh, have they?
31:16Well, they can wait a while, can't they?
31:18Oh, that's all right, damsel
31:21Thanks, thanks a lot
31:22No
31:22They have got their money for them
31:25All right
31:25Are you having a good time, Dal?
31:28Yes, yes
31:28I'm having a blinding time, brothers
31:31Yeah, yeah
31:32I'll get married in two days' time
31:34Yeah, I know that
31:35You want to keep off the sherbet
31:37Otherwise, you're going to have a hangover on your honeymoon
31:39Oh, yeah
31:40At the ceremony
31:43At the ceremony
31:45Yeah, yeah
31:46Well, they would
31:48They won't say my middle name, would they?
31:53No
31:54They just call you, you know, like Rodney Trotter
31:57Yeah
31:57Oh, thank you, Dal
32:00Yeah
32:01You've done everything for me in my life
32:03It's all right
32:04Shut up, Rodney
32:05All right
32:06He looked after me when I was a kid
32:10When I was a nipple
32:12Yeah, I know Rodney, I remember
32:15Yeah
32:15He did everything for me
32:17I mean, if it wasn't for him, right
32:20I could have been a drunk
32:22Or I could have been a snooty
32:27Or anything
32:31And I'll tell you something else
32:34About this man
32:35Right
32:36He's given me £2,000
32:38As a deposit for my flat
32:40I forgot that
32:45Oh, hell
32:47Oh, hell
32:47Oh, hell
32:51Rodney, it's all right
32:53All right
32:53Now, you stay here, right
32:54Come on
32:54Excuse me
32:55You just listen to the funny man, all right
32:57Back in a minute
32:58Yeah, because my wife
33:00She used to sell ice creams in a cinema
33:02When we got married
33:02She went up the aisle backwards
33:04She was lovely
33:06We were driving home one night
33:07She said, would you like to see
33:07We had the operation
33:08I said, yeah
33:09She said, see that hospital
33:10Up there on the hill
33:11Dale, right
33:15He's the bestest bloke in the world
33:17Yeah, I know
33:19Listen, Rodney
33:21Sometimes people say things
33:23That they mean
33:24And they really mean it
33:25What do you mean?
33:29Well, sometimes they promise things
33:31And they really mean to keep that promise
33:33But other things
33:34Stop them from doing it
33:36She said, I look like
33:37Dale
33:43Dale
33:52Are you in the bathroom?
33:57Yeah
33:57Yeah
33:59Well, thanks for walking out
34:01And leaving me like that
34:02Sorry
34:05I had too much to drink
34:07I felt bad
34:09I'm still feeling a bit rough, Rodney
34:12Oh, and thanks for not giving me that money
34:15Then you explained that you had something
34:18More important to spend it on
34:20And you promised me
34:21I told Cassandra and her mum and dad
34:23And everything
34:24I said, I've got the money
34:25What am I going to look like now, eh?
34:29I'll tell you what I'm going to look like now
34:31I'm going to look like the right tithead
34:32That's what I'm going to look like
34:33Your money's on the
34:38On the table
34:39Dale?
34:58Thanks
35:00It's all right, Rob
35:02It was a pleasure
35:05Dale?
35:09Yeah
35:09I'm sorry, right?
35:12Shut up, you tart
35:13You're still going to be my best man, aren't you?
35:18Yeah, of course I am
35:19Yeah
35:20We'll have a good old knees up, eh?
35:24I think I've had enough of that for one night, Rodney
35:26And I'll tell you what, we'll have a good old sing song
35:32Yeah
35:33As long as you don't mind me sounding like the Bee Gees
35:37I do solemnly declare
35:41I do solemnly declare
35:43That I know of no lawful impediment
35:45That I know of no lawful impediment
35:48Why, I may not be joined in matrimony to this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry
35:53Why, I may not be joined in matrimony to this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry
35:58Do you have the ring?
36:02Stay tuned
36:08Now repeat after me
36:30I call upon these persons here present I call upon these persons here present
36:35to witness that I Rodney Charlton Trotter
36:42that I Rodney Charlton Trotter I would appreciate it if the guests would
36:47conduct themselves in a manner more becoming to this occasion thank you
36:52that I Rodney Charlton Trotter take this woman Cassandra Louise Parry
36:59to be my lawful wedded wife take this woman Cassandra Louise Parry to be my
37:05lawful wedded wife now repeat after me I call upon these persons here present I
37:12call upon these persons here present to witness that I Cassandra Louise Parry to
37:17witness the die Cassandra Louise Parry take this man Rodney Chuck Rodney
37:24Trotter to be my lawful wedded husband to be my lawful wedded husband now you have
37:32now both made the declarations required by law and you have made a solemn and
37:37binding contract with each other in the presence of your witnesses you are now
37:43husband and wife you may kiss the bride thank you
37:50good morning
37:53good morning
37:57thank you
37:59thank you
38:04nice one
38:08thank you
38:11you must call us as soon as you get back from your honeymoon
38:32mum we haven't even gone yet
38:34pay for your first day at work Rodney
38:36no I'll be there Helen
38:37you must come round to dinner
38:38oh thank you
38:40remember that
38:41we could invite Del
38:43er
38:44well
38:45you might probably be busy
38:47yes
38:48oh well I'm seeing him on Winston I'll ask him
38:50you're not going to get drunk again
38:51no he's taking me to a pie and mash shop
38:53what for
38:55a pie and mash
38:57I think I'm just going to say goodbye to a few more people
39:00what's happened
39:03ever since you met Rodney's brother you've become like a born again hooligan
39:08it's thanks to you that my daughter's wedding reception is being held in this ghastly house
39:13all champagne and bells
39:16there's bowls of jellied eels everywhere
39:18that's because I like jellied eels
39:20hey Alan
39:22if you want some more of these jellied eels you can't want you better get stuck in mate
39:25thank you Eric
39:26I'm going to have another pop and jellied eels
39:28I'll see you in a minute
39:32I'll see you in a minute
39:44right you off then bruv
39:45yeah
39:46off in a minute
39:50I just wanted to uh
39:52I just wanted to say Rodney that I'm
39:54I'm really very proud of you
40:00you've got it all now haven't you
40:03new job
40:04new flat
40:06new wife
40:08new life
40:10yeah
40:13oh we had a few good years eh
40:16yeah we had some good times
40:18yeah
40:19right last
40:20yeah
40:21we had a couple of tears
40:22still that's what it's all about isn't it
40:26I just wish that
40:28I just wish granddad and mum
40:30come on that
40:31shut up
40:32with me guys
40:38oh
40:40it's all right
40:41mine
40:42I got some bruises
40:43I don't know where I got them from
40:44it's all right
40:46oh
40:47goodbye dell
40:48and thanks for everything
40:49it's all right
40:50it's all right
40:51oh
40:52it's all right
40:53I've just got some bruises
40:55could you just
40:57promise you'd do me a favour
40:58of course
41:00be gentle with him
41:02bye bye
41:03bye
41:07we're off now
41:10cheers
41:11bye bye
41:12bye
41:15goodbye
41:16goodbye
41:17goodbye
41:19goodbye
41:20bye
41:22bye
41:27bye
41:29bye
41:30I didn't know Rodney's middle name was Charlton.
41:45Oh, yeah.
41:47It was me mum.
41:47She was a fan.
41:48Oh, what?
41:49Charlton Eston?
41:50No, Charlton Athletic.
41:53Joe!
41:54Get off that tumble!
41:58How come you never got married?
42:00Joe?
42:02Me?
42:06I'm too shrewd for that game.
42:08You got engaged though, didn't you?
42:10Lots of times.
42:11So why didn't you marry any of them?
42:14I don't know.
42:14It was Rodney, I suppose.
42:16Rodney stopped you getting married?
42:19No, well, back in them days, Rodney was just a kid, you know.
42:22I had to bring him up.
42:24You were like a mother and father to him.
42:27I breastfed him for the first six months.
42:30All the birds that I went out with, they wanted to get married, but they didn't want to bring Rodney up.
42:39Especially the way he went through shoes.
42:42Anyway, what was I supposed to do?
42:44Get married and put Rodney into care?
42:46No, it's all right.
42:50I elbowed him.
42:53Well, he's family, innit?
42:55Well, he should be proud of himself.
42:58He turned out a real good'un.
43:01Oh, yeah.
43:03He's a diamond.
43:0542-carat diamond.
43:06Come along, Marlene.
43:11I want to have a word with you during the week.
43:14You should see what that Chinese kid has done to my video recording.
43:19Bye, Dad.
43:21Bye, sweetheart.
43:23Bye.
43:23Bye, sweetheart.
43:33Come on, joke.
43:34Cheerio, bossy.
43:35Bye.
43:36Bye.
43:37Bye.
43:38Bye.
43:39Bye.
43:40Bye.
43:41Bye.
43:42Bye.
43:43Bye.
43:44Bye.
43:44Bye.
43:45Bye.
43:46Bye.
43:47Bye.
43:48Bye.
43:49Bye.
43:50Bye.
43:52Bye.
44:19Bye.
44:20Bye.
44:21Bye.
44:21I'll keep holding on
44:26Cassandra's dad's feeling, well, a bit unwell.
44:34Told him not to eat all them jelly deals.
44:38I've got a lock-up, Del.
44:41Yeah, I might, mate.
44:43Thanks very much for a very nice dude.
44:45Cheers, mate.
44:51Oh, Tuesday, it's all I have to say.
44:58Hello, Trotters Independent Traders.
45:24hey oh it's you albert hey no sure and i've only just this minute got in yeah where are you
45:35oh you're around at lc partridges are you oh yeah got your plates of meat under the table there
45:43ain't you hey you dirty old goat what no no no they are they're back from their honeymoon
45:54yeah i saw rodney this morning racing off to work yeah he looked great he did nice three-piece suit
46:02smart tie yeah and his executive briefcase yeah the lot you are no no no i didn't have chance to
46:13speak to him i was in the van and he came racing past on his bicycle the honeymoon yeah i think
46:22that went all right yeah he was as white as a sheet you are oh yeah you're off down to legion
46:31tonight are you me no well i'm yeah i'm alone well no no i'm not alone really i mean it's just
46:40so i'd like it to be yeah no no no thanks very much now but i appreciate the offer but i'm
46:49i'm not in the mood for dominoes tonight no all right but i'll see you when i see you bye
46:58all right
47:09all right
47:23yeah terrific rogers oh i am exhaustive yeah you look a bit cream crackered what is the executive
47:35stress is it oh it's that bike the wheels hardly go round the chains come off twice and the front
47:44light don't work where'd you get it from i don't know it's been in the garage for years
47:49what's fatigue no i've got no idea
47:55can i say something to you rodney
48:01something that may hold you in good stead in the you know in the future
48:08yeah yeah go on then it's just uh oh how can i put it here
48:16you don't live here no more
48:21bloody hell she'll go loopy i'll see you all right yeah right bruv
48:37what a plonker
48:46he's got some ostrac
48:54Black tax, imagine what is a pocket tax
48:56TV, TV, TV, baby, baby, baby, okay
48:59Cleveland, function, listening to another person
49:03Democrats in Texas, one of the issues with the ghost
49:06I have no income tax, no BAT
49:11No money back, no guarantee
49:14Black or white, get your book
49:17The income price is as strong
49:22God pledge, rookie street
49:25Be my rookie street
49:28Long live, rookie street
49:31Say, man, defeat, rookie street
49:34You might defeat, rookie street
49:38Rookie street
49:41Rookie street
49:44Rookie street
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