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Tv, Only Fools And Horses S08E02 1996 - Modern Men.
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the bestest but you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one that's driving me berserk
00:29Why do only fours and horses work
00:33La-la-la-la
00:34La-la-la-la
00:36La-la-la-la
00:38La-la-la-la
00:40All right, son, looking forward to the night down the pub?
00:44Yeah. Yeah, I don't want a big thing made of it, you know.
00:48I mean, me and Cassandra having a baby, that's all.
00:51Yeah, you know what Del's like. Any excuse for a celebration?
00:55I don't think Del would mind if I borrow some of his aftershave, do you?
00:58What do you want to use aftershave for? You've got epping bloody forest growing around your chest.
01:02I just wanted to smell nice, that's all.
01:07Well, in that case, don't use Del's aftershave.
01:12Ah, there you are, brothers. The dinner you were rife. Go on, help yourself to the dry roasties.
01:16Where's Cassandra, then?
01:18Raquel wanted to show us something in her bedroom.
01:20It's them baby clothes she's got for you.
01:22Oh, she shouldn't have done that.
01:23No, that's all right. They're some of Damien's old clothes.
01:26Yeah, well.
01:29Suit your nipper a treat, they will.
01:30Oh, yeah.
01:31Well, I'll just go and get myself a beer.
01:34If he's a boy, do you reckon it'll look like Rodney?
01:36It don't matter as long as it's healthy.
01:42Now, I know what Raquel's doing.
01:44She's showing Cassandra some of them new clothes I bought her.
01:48New clothes? It's not her birthday, is it?
01:50No, no, no, no, it's not her birthday.
01:52And they're not new clothes.
01:55They're as good as.
01:56And it means I've done my bit for charity.
02:02Ah, Rodders.
02:03There you are.
02:04I've seen this.
02:04Look, it's my book, Modern Man.
02:06It's brilliant, it is.
02:08Look, you see, it says here,
02:09you shouldn't wait for a special occasion
02:11to give your loved one a present.
02:13Arrive home with a little surprise any day of the week
02:16and help keep your relationship excited.
02:19I've done that, you know.
02:21It says,
02:22your partner should never have to seek attention from you.
02:25A compliment is the easiest thing to give
02:27and the nicest thing to receive.
02:30No, it's obvious when you come to think about it.
02:32I mean, it's far easier to say something nice
02:33and to say something nasty, you know?
02:35Ta-da!
02:37Well?
02:37Yes, very well, thank you, darling.
02:41Oh, good.
02:43You look lovely, Raquel.
02:45Thank you very much, Albert.
02:46Yes, you look very nice, Raquel.
02:51Wait till you see this.
02:53And you look lovely, Cassandra.
02:56Thank you, Albert.
02:57Huh?
02:57Cassandra?
02:58Oh, there you are, sweetheart.
02:59Ha-ha.
02:59Well, how's my little nephew?
03:01We get off.
03:03Well?
03:04What do you think?
03:05Oh.
03:07Well, it's a bit difficult, Raquel.
03:09You see, Rodney and I are both opposed to the fur trade.
03:12Yeah, yes.
03:12I think what Cass is trying to say
03:14is we both think it looked better on the animal.
03:16Whatever that was.
03:21Isn't it marvellous?
03:22Del buys Raquel a coat and you two have a pop-up.
03:25Del bought it.
03:27I'm sorry, Raquel.
03:28I thought it was real.
03:29No, no, no, no, no, no, dopey.
03:36No, that stimulated fur, eh?
03:40It's all right.
03:41Didn't realise.
03:42Oh, well, there you go.
03:43Right, I'll tell you what we're going to do, then.
03:45Now, cos little Damien's downstairs with the babysitter,
03:48we're going to have a couple of glasses of the old champagne here
03:51and it's down to the nags' head for some decent celebrations, all right?
03:55Right, now, you are on the orange juice, all right?
03:58Yes, thank you, Doctor.
04:00It's all right, we'll part of the service.
04:03No.
04:09Del.
04:10Yes?
04:10I feel a bit embarrassed.
04:12Well, you don't need to.
04:13I mean, you've got a tie and a suit, full Monty.
04:15I didn't mean that.
04:17I mean, I've only got 20 quid on me.
04:21Well, what have you done with your wages?
04:23This is me wages.
04:25That's right, I remember.
04:26We've had a bit of a hard week, bruv, haven't we?
04:28Oh, no, I was there.
04:29Yeah.
04:37Well, I'm even worse off than you.
04:39I spent all my money on Raquel's dress.
04:41Still, it don't matter.
04:43Tonight's festivities we can put on the slate.
04:45Would you reckon Michael's standing?
04:47Yeah, of course he will.
04:48He's a diamond, that boy.
04:48He's an absolute diamond.
04:50All right, you're right.
04:51And, Oi, when are you going to say something nice to Raquel?
04:54And when she got herself all done up, you hadn't said a word.
04:57Well, I was reading me book, weren't I?
04:59All right, all right, don't worry.
05:01I'll figure something nice to say.
05:02You're quite right.
05:03Come on, let's go.
05:04All right, come on in, girls.
05:05Ladies and gentlemen.
05:08Time to celebrate.
05:09Go on, Rodney.
05:10See who you got the girls.
05:11Here you are.
05:11Albert, this is yours.
05:12Oh, I don't believe it.
05:13What's that?
05:15You see this girl here?
05:17I worked with her years ago when I was in show business.
05:19She was just a kid then.
05:20Look at her now.
05:21She's about to appear in a new James Bond film.
05:24Ooh, Piers Brosnan.
05:25Oh, no, you don't need Piers Brosnan, dear.
05:28You got me.
05:29Yes.
05:30Haven't I just?
05:33I'll tell you what, Raquel.
05:34If she could be in a James Bond film, so could you.
05:37Oh, shut up.
05:39I don't.
05:40No, you could.
05:40Don't be silly.
05:42Oh, I'm serious.
05:43Look at her.
05:45She's a dog.
06:07So that's a G and T for Raquel.
06:11Tequila Slammer for Rodney.
06:13Orange juice for Cassandra.
06:14Oh, by the way, that Indian bloke, Dr. Singh, was in earlier.
06:18I wanted to talk to you about some paint you sold him.
06:21Oh, really?
06:22Was he really?
06:22No.
06:23He seemed very anxious to speak to you, Del.
06:24You've got problems, mate.
06:25No, no.
06:26Just a minor misunderstanding.
06:28Nothing that can't be sorted out with a civilised chat.
06:31If he calls in again, Mike, would you tell him I've gone to live in New Zealand?
06:34Well, I think I can remember that.
06:37Here.
06:37Have Rodney and Cassandra thought of a name for the baby yet?
06:40Oh, no, not yet.
06:41No, no, no.
06:42No, it's early days, isn't it?
06:43I mean, it's only just a little bit pregnant.
06:45It's a long way to go.
06:47Still shows Rodney got the hang of it in the end.
06:51He's a trotter, all right.
06:52We don't stop till the job's finished.
06:56Right, now then, what have we got here?
06:59We've got a Harvey Wallbanger for me.
07:01That's a cognac for Boise.
07:02Vodka and lime, that's for Marlene.
07:05Kubra Libra, that's for Denzel.
07:07Rum and blackcurrant for Bobby Crush over there.
07:11Whiskey for the market lads.
07:13Pint of Diesel for Trigger.
07:15And, oh, Mickey, what are you and your boys want?
07:17Canadian clubs all round, Del.
07:19Cheers.
07:19Canadian clubs all round over there.
07:21And have one yourself, Michael.
07:23Cheers, Del.
07:24Cheers.
07:24Call it 25 quid for cash.
07:26OK, right, OK.
07:27Put it on the slate.
07:28No, fine.
07:29On the slate, mate.
07:30I've had a visit from the brewery.
07:33Oh, all right.
07:35OK, look, there's a five of them.
07:37And, oh, dear, would you, Adam and Eve it.
07:40I've only gone and left me wallet at home.
07:43I remember now, Damien was playing with it.
07:45I was teaching him financial management, you know,
07:48how to avoid expensive pubs.
07:49I'll sell them to someone else, then, Del.
07:52No, you can't.
07:53These are second hand.
07:54Yeah, I'll sell them cheap, then.
07:55All right, I'll give you a fiver for them now.
07:57Look, it's not my fault.
07:59It's the brewery.
08:00They've brought in this revolutionary new rule.
08:03From now on, customers have to pay for their drinks.
08:07These new fangled ideas.
08:09Hang about.
08:10Don't go away.
08:11And I've managed to lay my hands
08:17on these radically new-designed hairdryers.
08:20Right?
08:20Now, normally, they retail at $69.99 up in Regent Street.
08:25But for you, $15 knicker.
08:28Del, look at my hair.
08:31Look at one of them.
08:32I've only got to stick me head out the window for ten seconds
08:35and it's bone-dry.
08:36You see, this is different,
08:38because this, you see that,
08:39that has got what they call a volumiser on it.
08:41You see that goes,
08:42gives all your hair the white body.
08:44Oh.
08:46So I could end up looking like Lily Savage.
08:48Don't tempt him down.
08:51Go on.
08:52I'm giving it to you, Michael, ain't I?
08:54Eh?
08:55$15 knicker, come on, me.
08:58Go on, then.
08:59Gives it you.
08:59But you still owe me a tenner.
09:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:03All right.
09:03I'll tell you what.
09:04You're a bit of a gambling manager.
09:06I'll tell you what.
09:06I'll have a little bet with you, right?
09:08Double or quits, okay?
09:11Now, the thing is,
09:12if I win,
09:14I give you this fiver for this round of drinks.
09:16But if you win,
09:17I owe you a tenner.
09:19You already owe me a tenner.
09:21You're not happy to lose, then, have you?
09:23Right.
09:24Trigg, just a minute.
09:26You'll like this, Trigg.
09:27Watch this.
09:27A little bet we're having you.
09:29OK, then, Michael.
09:31I bet
09:32if you put your hands out in front of you,
09:34I can make you turn them over without touching you.
09:37You can make me turn my hands over without touching me.
09:39Exactly.
09:40It's called the power of positive thought.
09:43All right.
09:43Off you go.
09:44Put your hands out in front of you.
09:46Now, the other way.
09:55All right.
09:56Here we go.
09:56Come on.
09:57Help yourself.
09:58Get it down, yeah.
09:59I have been in the motor trade for many years now.
10:02And until recently,
10:03I never thought of the damage fumes did to our world.
10:07Now, let me explain to you my theory.
10:09Right, mate.
10:09Same again, please, will you?
10:11Just allow me to continue, will you?
10:13Now, this is my theory.
10:16The future holds the key to all our success.
10:20Well, you'd better not tell Raquel's dad that.
10:23He's an antiques deluxe.
10:25Now, recently, I have invested a lot of money in electric cars.
10:31Yeah, he bought Tyler, as Sky Electric said.
10:34I'm not talking about model bloody racing cars, for God's sake.
10:39Oi, Rodney, come on.
10:41Get up this all round.
10:42Yeah.
10:42If it's the same as the last round, it'll be 25 quid.
10:4825 quid?
10:50Mike?
10:50No.
10:51All right, Dave.
10:57I can make you turn your hands over without touching you.
11:01Eh?
11:02I can make you turn your hands over without touching you.
11:05Go on, hold it, Matt.
11:06Now, if you have a way, see?
11:14There you go, Dave.
11:15APPLAUSE
11:17Well done, Albert, very nice.
11:28Yes, congratulations, Albert.
11:30It reminded me of the theme track from Noddy the movie.
11:33LAUGHTER
11:35Hey, boys, she's right about one thing, though.
11:40I mean, you and Rodney should be thinking about your children's future.
11:43You know what I'm saying?
11:44You've got to send them to private school.
11:47Oh, leave it out, boys.
11:48You can't afford to send our kids private.
11:51Anyway, oi, another round, please, Mike.
11:53Come on, boys, it's your turn.
11:54Oh, Tyler's been private since he was three.
11:57He's seven now, and he can almost write his name.
12:02Can he nearly?
12:03Yeah.
12:04Of course.
12:04Here, darling, perhaps we ought to scrimple and save it.
12:07Send little Damien private, shall we?
12:09Why?
12:09Send him my child private.
12:10There's nothing wrong with state education.
12:12Oh, well, I'm not sending Damien to our old school.
12:15Dockside Secondary Modern School.
12:17Ooh, that was a tough old place.
12:19Yeah, you see, Rodney, we didn't stand a chance of a decent education
12:22because of the size of the classes.
12:24No, that's right.
12:24Fifty, sixty to a class.
12:26No, you're exaggerating.
12:28No.
12:28Your classes weren't that big.
12:30No, I'm joking.
12:30By the time the teacher had finished reading the register, it was thinner time.
12:34You can tell the calibre of our school, too, by the head boy.
12:38Who was it?
12:38Trigger.
12:39What's your call, Dill?
12:43Ah, there you are, Trigg.
12:44No, no, it was just we was, you know, we was just talking about our old school.
12:48All right.
12:48Now, come on, let's ask Trigg.
12:49And you lot stay quiet.
12:50What?
12:50All right, no prompting.
12:51Trigger, did you have big classes at your old school?
12:55No, not very big.
12:56Ah, see.
12:58High ceilings, though.
13:01Oh, yeah.
13:02And a few low ones.
13:04Remember your accident?
13:06Oh, yeah.
13:07Yeah, Trigg was walking through one of the corridors
13:09and he smacked right into a mind-your-head sign.
13:12Gamer right, Clout.
13:13His family suit the education authorities for brain damage.
13:17Yeah.
13:18Judge awarded him £7.50.
13:20How'd you walk in your mind-your-head sign?
13:24Didn't you see it?
13:25Of course I saw it.
13:27But in those days, I couldn't read.
13:32Are you going to collect these drinks or what?
13:34Yeah, I'll get them.
13:35Can't, boys, he got fat.
13:36They are, and I want change.
13:40Rodney.
13:42Congratulations, mate.
13:43Thanks, Vicky.
13:44Yeah, I was down since cafe yesterday
13:46and Dr. Singh came in looking for Dillboy.
13:49Really?
13:49Yeah, he struck me as an angry man.
13:52What's it all about?
13:53It's something to do with some pain and his surgery.
13:56I mean, at the end of the day, it's not my problem, is it?
13:59I just work for Dill.
14:00Yeah, yeah, that's just it.
14:02I mean, you're just an employee.
14:03You just follow orders.
14:04You pick things up, you put things down,
14:07you pick things up again.
14:09Well, yeah, but I do think for myself.
14:11It's hardly a job requirement, is it?
14:13I mean, I started a new job last month.
14:16Good money, company car, the lot.
14:19And it's not a fly-by-night firm.
14:21They're suing Panorama.
14:23Oh, what are you then?
14:25Double glazing salesman?
14:27No, I am not.
14:29Well, that is to do with glass.
14:31What, windows?
14:32Not windows.
14:33Solar windows.
14:35I mean, it's a whole new concept in user-friendly heating.
14:38You're a salesman.
14:40No, look, I'm more like a scientist.
14:44It's double glazing, isn't it?
14:45No, no, no.
14:47Look, I mean, fair enough, it does involve two pounds of glass,
14:50but it's not that I'm glazing.
14:51I mean, this company is very profile-conscious and customer-driven.
14:56I mean, I'm executive of Area Perspective and Overview,
14:59and I'm recruiting new staff.
15:02I'm doing interviews every Monday at Burger King's.
15:06You're a blazing salesman, isn't you?
15:08Oh, yeah.
15:11It's got to be better than working for a doll, innit?
15:13I mean, you're like a 34-year-old paper boy.
15:16Yeah, well, I might not be working for him much longer.
15:19I've got me eye out for something.
15:20Raquel?
15:21I just came out to give you a hand with the drinks.
15:23Oh, yeah, that's yours.
15:27Now, you listen, there's a few young up-and-coming firms
15:29who are after me.
15:30Oh, yeah?
15:31I bet you're being head-hunted by Ian Bill.
15:34Listen, you'd better do something quick.
15:37You've got a kid on the way.
15:38Ladies and gentlemen,
15:41will you please raise your glasses
15:43to our future mum and dad,
15:45Cassandra and Rodney.
15:47Cassandra and Rodney!
15:49Dave.
15:50Good night, Jim.
16:07Dream us some luck.
16:08It's all right.
16:17He's sound, though.
16:26Ta-da!
16:26Oh, my God.
16:38Well, what are your feet?
16:39Hey?
16:40They're very nice, Del.
16:42They're very...
16:43nice.
16:45Yeah.
16:45Yeah, so I got them off Monkey Harris.
16:47£7.50.
16:49Can't be back, can it?
16:50Lovely.
16:51Right.
16:52Ah!
16:53There we go.
16:54Oh!
16:55Lovely, jubbly.
16:56Mmm.
16:57Do you know it says here
17:05a bloke's supposed to make contact
17:06with his feminine side?
17:09Did you know that geezers had feminine sides?
17:12Well, I've read about it.
17:13Look, I wouldn't worry.
17:13I don't think it applies to you.
17:14Well, for that,
17:17I thought I might have to wear a blouse or something.
17:20Del, can we talk for a minute?
17:22Eh?
17:23I heard Rodney and his mate Mickey Pierce
17:25talking tonight.
17:26He's started a new job.
17:27Mickey Pierce, you must be joking.
17:30God, dear.
17:30That bloke's been on the dole for so long,
17:32they invite him to the staff dance.
17:35Del, will you do something for me?
17:37Yes, of course.
17:38Let me finish the bottom of this page.
17:41No!
17:42Hmm?
17:44Give Rodney a proper job.
17:48What do you mean, Rodney?
17:48He's got a proper job.
17:49No, he hasn't.
17:50He works for you.
17:50Well, that is a proper job.
17:52All right, what does he do?
17:52Rodney, he...
17:53Well, he...
17:55He lifts things.
17:57He keeps his eye home.
17:58He drives the van.
18:00And how would you describe his job?
18:01Give it a name, a title.
18:02Oh, all right.
18:03It's...
18:04He's...
18:04He...
18:05He's...
18:05He's a Rodney.
18:10Give him a job and a title he can be proud of.
18:13In seven months, he'll be a father.
18:15Listen, Raquel.
18:17I'm sorry.
18:17You do not know Rodney like what I do.
18:20I mean, he's not really very astute.
18:23I mean, if he was left in charge, we wouldn't be where we are today.
18:28No?
18:29No.
18:30I mean, he's got no business sense.
18:32I mean, he's the sort of bloke that if he had a flower shop, right, he'd close on some Valentine's Day.
18:38Make him feel important.
18:40Do something to help him.
18:43All right, look.
18:43If you must know, I am doing that very same thing, right?
18:47I'm trying to find some help for Rodney.
18:50What with Cassandra being in the situation she is, you know, you might have to dash off at any time.
18:55So I put the word about I'm looking for some part-time help to take the weight off Rodney's shoulders.
19:00All right?
19:01Oh, that's nice of you.
19:03Yeah, well, I am that sort of bloke, aren't I?
19:04You, uh, you know this thing with Cassandra?
19:22You mean her pregnancy?
19:24Mm-hmm.
19:25Not making you broody, is it?
19:29No.
19:34I never want to go through a pregnancy again.
19:37Well, it hurt, did it?
19:38It stung a bit.
19:39Yeah, I could tell.
19:40I could tell.
19:42What gave it away?
19:43All that screaming?
19:43Yeah, there was a clue.
19:45Stanley was worth it in the end, wasn't he?
19:47Yeah, of course he was.
19:49It's not just that.
19:50There's the financial side as well.
19:52I mean, we can barely afford to pay the mortgage on this place, let alone feed another mouth.
19:56And then there's the age thing to be taken into account.
19:58Yeah, I know.
19:59You're not getting any younger, are you?
20:04I've been thinking, one day they might make a musical about the history of the Trotter family.
20:13Then as a sequel, they could do Schindler's List on ice.
20:17Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you feeling slightly under-motivated tonight?
20:23There are people on death row with more motivation than me.
20:27Oh, I've got to get another job, Cass.
20:29I get so frustrated working for Del.
20:34I just wish he'd present me with a challenge every now and then, like, oh, I don't know, giving someone their change.
20:42I mean, tomorrow we're trying to flog a load of Mickey Mouse air dryers and a load of aerodynamic cycling hats,
20:49which are really horse-riding helmets sprayed red.
20:52And we've got a very angry seek after our blood.
20:55Now, this is not what I call job satisfaction.
20:59Now, Rodney, you're the only one that can change Del's attitude.
21:02Just going out in the morning and hoping for the best is not good enough.
21:06At the bank, we always advise small businesses to target specifics to achieve maximum market penetration.
21:12Cassandra, we are talking about Derek Trotter.
21:15To Del, market penetration means sex under a barrow.
21:18But why does he try to influence me?
21:22I mean, you're involved in decision-making now, aren't you?
21:25Oh, yeah.
21:26Sometimes he lets me toss the coin.
21:29Decision-making.
21:31He's just bought himself a book.
21:33Del has.
21:34Yeah.
21:35And it's all words.
21:36There's no pictures.
21:38It's called Modern Man.
21:41And, according to the author,
21:42modern men are decisive, positive decision-makers.
21:46So, Del has been making decisions all over the shop.
21:50In fact, it's thanks to some of Del's decisive, positive decision-making
21:54that we have got a consignment of Mickey Mouse hair-dryers
21:57and a load of cycling hats which are really horse-riding helmets sprayed red.
22:01Look, try and talk to him.
22:03I know he jumps the gun a lot, but he does listen to you.
22:06Yeah, I suppose you're right.
22:10Actually, I had a word with him this morning.
22:12Told him he's got to stop making all these on-the-spot decisions.
22:16I said to him, think things through.
22:19Consider it.
22:20Look at all the angles.
22:21Weigh up the pros and cons.
22:23And I think it hit home.
22:25Yeah, I'm sure he took my words on board.
22:32I'm going to have a vasectomy.
22:40Did I say something?
22:41You just brought this on.
22:43Well, it says in my book here
22:45that modern men take the responsibility
22:47when it comes to family planning.
22:49You know, millions of men all over the world have had to sneak.
22:52You know, they can do it while you wait.
22:53Look, there's nothing to think about, sweetheart.
22:59We can't afford to have another Chevy.
23:01And I am a modern man, right?
23:03Making a positive decision.
23:05To consider the future.
23:07I mean, I don't want to be a prophet of doom,
23:09but what would happen if, say, in ten years' time,
23:11things didn't work out between us and we broke up?
23:13And then you met someone else
23:14and you wanted to raise another family?
23:19Come on, don't be silly, sweetheart.
23:21Not ten years from now,
23:24I won't be able to raise a smile, let alone...
23:26LAUGHTER
23:27I can remember when we set off on the road to our horizon.
23:36It was bloody years ago.
23:39We had a Labour government, you could eat beef.
23:41Des O'Connor was white.
23:43LAUGHTER
23:44Just look at us now, eh?
23:49Rodney, how can I put this...
23:52Shut up!
23:53LAUGHTER
23:54I can make you turn your hands over without touching you.
24:08LAUGHTER
24:09Hold your hands out.
24:14LAUGHTER
24:14Turn them over.
24:17LAUGHTER
24:19See?
24:26Mummy, Mummy, I made Uncle Rodney turn his hands over.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:30Right, I guarantee you, things are a bit bleak at the moment.
24:36It's like saying the Antarctic's a bit nippy.
24:39Well, I think that our fortune lies just around the corner.
24:42We're here where the big opportunities happen.
24:45We are at the forefront of the enterprise culture.
24:47Enterpri...
24:49Oh, yeah, you are so enterprising.
24:51You bought a load of horse-riding crash helmets.
24:54Didn't you stop to think for one moment
24:56that Peckham is not big show-jumping country?
25:00LAUGHTER
25:00Don't you worry about that.
25:04We'll sell them.
25:06I don't know what's happened to you lately.
25:08You seem to have stopped believing.
25:12Do you know what Mum said to me on her deathbed?
25:14Oh, Mum.
25:15She did.
25:16She said to me,
25:17Daryl, boy, she said,
25:18never stop believing.
25:20Cos if you stop believing,
25:21you've got nothing left to hope for.
25:24You've got to have a dream.
25:26If you don't have a dream,
25:27then how are you going to have a dream come true?
25:29LAUGHTER
25:30That is exactly what she said.
25:37LAUGHTER
25:37See, Mum, she never stopped believing.
25:41Even after you was born.
25:43That's all very well for you to say, Dale,
25:45but at the end of the...
25:46What's that supposed to mean?
25:47Even after I was born?
25:49All right, it wasn't your fault.
25:50We didn't blame you.
25:52It wasn't my fault.
25:53Yeah.
25:53You being a problem child.
25:57I weren't a problem child.
25:58I was a good boy.
25:59LAUGHTER
25:59I know, but you did have a problem.
26:03LAUGHTER
26:03You kept getting taller.
26:06LAUGHTER
26:07Well, what do you want me to do?
26:08Stay at two foot four for the rest of my life?
26:10LAUGHTER
26:10No, no, it wasn't that.
26:12It's just that when all the other little kids,
26:14you see, they could wear their trousers,
26:16like, for a year and a half,
26:18that'd be no problem.
26:19But you, after a couple of months,
26:20they look like hot pants.
26:22LAUGHTER
26:22LAUGHTER
26:23Well, most of the pictures I got of me as a schoolboy,
26:28I was wearing short trousers anyway.
26:30No, no.
26:31They weren't short trousers.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33They looked like short trousers.
26:35But if you look very carefully at the bottoms of the legs,
26:39you'll find that they're all frayed.
26:41That is where, a couple of months before,
26:42they was rubbing on the tops of your shoes.
26:45LAUGHTER
26:45Anyway, listen.
26:48I'm going to make the phone call.
26:50And just remember, Rodney,
26:52never stop believing.
26:56Oh, this is difficult.
26:58What's wrong?
26:59Well, I've got a bit of good news
27:01and a bit of bad news for Del.
27:04I'm applying for another job.
27:05You are?
27:06What's the bad news?
27:08LAUGHTER
27:09That is the bad news.
27:13The good news is I'm going to stay on with Del
27:15until he can find someone suitable to replace me.
27:18Well, that should take him about half hour.
27:20LAUGHTER
27:20Oh, yeah, you won't be saying that
27:22when I'm the managing director of something, will you?
27:24Have you got something lined up, then?
27:27Yeah.
27:29It's his job, advertising the paper.
27:32Listen.
27:32Local company seeks ambitious, energetic and creative young person
27:37to join its successful sales force.
27:40Well, who'd I describe him?
27:43No. Go on.
27:44LAUGHTER
27:45It's me.
27:47Is it?
27:47Yes.
27:48Yes.
27:50Look.
27:51Experience with computers, an advantage but not essential.
27:56Successful applicant will receive full training,
27:58good salary and company vehicle.
28:01Well, I'm experienced with computers.
28:04Yeah.
28:04You've never got one to work yet, have you?
28:06Yes, yes.
28:12I could call in this afternoon and sign the papers.
28:15Yeah.
28:17Oh, right.
28:18OK, then.
28:19You'll call back.
28:20OK.
28:21Bonjour.
28:21Bonjour.
28:24Look at that.
28:25The new digital phone, sweetheart.
28:26Screams about all that.
28:27Was that the clinic you were talking to?
28:29Yes.
28:30I'll get doctored on Tuesday.
28:31They're going to call back and confirm.
28:33You're serious about this, aren't you?
28:35Yeah.
28:36I've never been more serious.
28:37Look, Del, volunteering for this vasectomy
28:40is very brave and thoughtful of you
28:42and I'm flattered that you're doing it for me
28:43but you don't have to do it.
28:45Yeah, it's all right.
28:45I think it's for the best, sweetheart.
28:46All right.
28:47But I don't want you coming back to me
28:49and saying it's all your fault, Raquel,
28:50if you get a bit, you know,
28:52sore.
28:58As if I would.
29:00Oh, that'll be them.
29:02Answer the phone, sweetheart, and be posh, will you?
29:04What?
29:05Be posh.
29:06Don't want them to think we're a couple of hippity hoes.
29:08Yes, sir.
29:12Hello.
29:12How may I help you?
29:13Oh, hello.
29:14I'm phoning about the job advertising.
29:16Hold the line, caller.
29:22Have you put an ad in the peck-o-meck-o?
29:26Yeah.
29:27For some help for Rodney.
29:29Who's that?
29:31Rodney.
29:31What's he phoning me for?
29:36He's only in the bloody living room.
29:40No, he's applying for the job.
29:41What do you mean?
29:45He's applying to assist himself.
29:50Wait a minute, wait a minute.
29:51I've got to think about this.
29:52Darling, press hold.
29:54It plays a tune.
29:55Go on.
29:56I'll put you on hold
29:57whilst I connect you to our marketing department.
30:02Oh, and I...
30:04Treacherous little git.
30:13I'm going to wind him right up.
30:15Oh, Del, don't you feel embarrassed?
30:17Yeah, with any luck.
30:19Right.
30:19Hello?
30:25This is the marketing manager, yes.
30:27Sorry, I kept you.
30:29My name is Ivor Hardy.
30:35Hello, Mr Hardy.
30:38And you are?
30:40My name is Rodney Trotter.
30:43Oh, Rodney Trotter.
30:44You're not one of the Trotter brothers, are you?
30:47Um, no, I haven't got a brother.
30:56Well, that's all right, then.
30:59Because I've heard some rumours about them.
31:02Right couple of scallywags, so I'm told.
31:05Mind you, the elder one was all right.
31:07He's intelligent.
31:09Quite a brilliant businessman, I've heard.
31:12No, no, it's the other one.
31:14It's his dippy younger brother that's the problem.
31:17Oh, well, like I say, I haven't got a brother.
31:26Now, um, you mentioned, um,
31:28a good salary and a company vehicle.
31:32Could you tell me a little bit more about that, please?
31:35Mm-hmm.
31:38Yes, I can ride a bike.
31:39All right, Rodgers?
31:51Hey, uh, just one moment.
31:53Yeah, yeah, fine.
31:55Just on the phone to Cassandra.
31:57Oh, yeah, all right, is she?
31:59Yeah, terrific.
31:59Oh, well.
32:02Give her my love.
32:03Yeah, yeah, will do.
32:04Oh, and give her yours.
32:06Aye.
32:07Give her your love.
32:09You see, in my book,
32:10it says that a man must give the lady in his life
32:14his love every so often,
32:16especially if she is pregnant.
32:19So, go on.
32:20You tell her you love her.
32:24Nah.
32:25I'm not being embarrassed.
32:28No, you don't have to be embarrassed, do you?
32:29I mean, I'm the only one here,
32:31and I once suggested you do it.
32:32Go on, tell her.
32:37Light, sir.
32:39No, no, you tell her now, Rodney.
32:48I love you.
32:59Sorry, what did you say?
33:02Um, nothing, I've just coughed.
33:06Oh, that's all right.
33:07For a minute, I thought you said you loved me.
33:10No, no, no, no, I've just coughed, honest, you know.
33:15So, um, what exactly do you sell,
33:18and what would these successful applicants' duties be, please?
33:21Well, we, uh,
33:22we sell anything we can lay our hands on, isn't it?
33:26And your duties would be, you see,
33:28to take all this crap down to the market.
33:30And you sell it from a suitcase.
33:35Gee,
33:36I think that you're just the man
33:39that we've been looking for, Mr. Trotter.
33:43Because we're always on the lookout
33:45for dirty little plonkers like you.
33:48Did you put this ad in the paper, then?
34:07Yes, I did, Rodney.
34:14Goodbye.
34:17I don't believe this.
34:19The one job in the paper I really fancied,
34:22and it's mine.
34:24Hey, so what's going on, then?
34:26You was going to find someone else
34:28and get rid of me?
34:28I was going to get rid of...
34:30You were trying to get rid of me, weren't you?
34:32What was that?
34:33No, I haven't got a brother.
34:37LAUGHTER
34:38If you must know, Rodney,
34:39I was trying to get you some help.
34:41Right?
34:42That was all.
34:44But with Cassandra being in a situation that she is,
34:46I thought that any time now,
34:48you might have to dash off,
34:49so I thought that you could do
34:51with a little bit of help,
34:52take some weight off your shoulder.
34:54I didn't realise.
34:55Thanks, Del.
34:56I'm...
34:57I'm sorry.
34:58It's all right.
34:59Anyway, what is all this, eh,
35:01about, you know,
35:02you wanting to get another job?
35:04No, it really hit home the other day.
35:06I mean, when a baby's born,
35:07we've got to fill in a birth certificate, right?
35:09And there's a section there that says
35:11Father's Occupation.
35:13I thought, what am I going to put, eh?
35:15A gopher.
35:18No.
35:19You were going to put
35:20Sales Director.
35:24Because you know what I'm going to do
35:25with the business?
35:25I'm going to expand.
35:28Rodney, you're going to be in charge of selling,
35:29I'm going to be in charge of purchasing.
35:31Right?
35:32So what will happen is that
35:34you'll be in the marketplace, right,
35:36and you'll be selling.
35:37I'll be up there in the factories
35:38and the warehouses,
35:39and I will be buying.
35:40And if you find the line
35:41is going particularly well,
35:43all you've got to do
35:43is you get on the blower to me,
35:45you see,
35:45and you say,
35:46Del boy, buy, buy, buy.
35:49Yeah.
35:49And then you could get on the blower to me
35:52and go,
35:52Sell, sell, sell.
36:02Yeah, yeah,
36:03that's a good idea, eh?
36:05We should have done this
36:06ages ago.
36:07Exactly.
36:08It's called expansion.
36:10Yeah,
36:10and then we'll
36:11streamline the business.
36:13That's right.
36:13That's what we'll do.
36:14We will expand
36:15by streamlining.
36:17Come on,
36:18let's go down to Sid's calf.
36:20Whenever we reach
36:21historic moments like this,
36:23I'll feel like a fry-up.
36:34Yeah.
36:39Sit up to sing.
36:44It's all right.
36:44It's good now.
36:46It's a low shave.
36:48It'll catch us eventually.
36:50Yeah,
36:50well,
36:50we'll cross that bridge
36:51when we come to it.
36:54Yeah,
36:54ruddy.
36:56I've been thinking.
36:58What about?
37:00I'm going to have a vasectomy.
37:05Have you come down
37:06the wrong hole or what?
37:07Yeah.
37:09A vasectomy?
37:11Keep your voice down
37:13where we are.
37:14What does Raquel feel
37:16about it?
37:19No,
37:19I'm having it.
37:22I know that.
37:24Bloody hell.
37:26I mean,
37:26have you discussed it
37:27with Raquel?
37:28Yes,
37:29of course I have.
37:30Last night,
37:31in bed,
37:31I said,
37:31sweetheart,
37:32I'm going to have
37:32a vasectomy.
37:33So it was quite
37:34an in-depth discussion.
37:36It's usually slightly,
37:37can't it?
37:38No,
37:38I mean,
37:38you know,
37:39I haven't thought about it.
37:41Can't really afford
37:42another kid.
37:43We haven't got room
37:43in the flat.
37:45Anyway,
37:45we both agreed.
37:47What do we want
37:47another kid for?
37:49I mean,
37:49we've got Damien,
37:50he's like two kids
37:51rolled into one,
37:52hasn't he?
37:55Me and Raquel,
37:56we've got to, like,
37:57look at each other
37:58and she's pretty much
38:00gone.
38:01I think, you know,
38:02I've got to have a lot
38:03of them, you know,
38:05loads of them,
38:06you know,
38:09tadpoles.
38:13Tadpoles?
38:16Yeah, you know,
38:17you see them on the telly,
38:19you know,
38:19don't you,
38:19under the microscope.
38:21Oh,
38:21yeah, well,
38:23I've got loads of them
38:24as well.
38:25Doctor said.
38:26Yeah, I know,
38:26but a doctor
38:27reckons
38:27I've got probably
38:28more tadpoles
38:29than they've got
38:29in the serpentine.
38:35Are you going to have
38:35it done at the hospital?
38:37Yeah,
38:38well,
38:38I'm not going to let
38:38Trigger do it
38:39with his black and decker,
38:40am I?
38:43I mean,
38:44are you going to the
38:45hospital or the local
38:46clinic?
38:47Oh,
38:48no.
38:49Well,
38:49I'll probably go to
38:50the clinic.
38:53Rodney,
38:53I want your advice.
38:55You know when
38:58a lot of rich
39:00and successful
39:01people,
39:01when they have
39:02this thing done,
39:06well,
39:06they leave a lot
39:07of their,
39:07you know,
39:08their tadpoles
39:09in this bank.
39:13Right?
39:14The thing is,
39:15do you think
39:16that I ought
39:17to do that?
39:21I could do.
39:24I don't know
39:24what Nat West
39:25would think
39:25about it.
39:34No,
39:34not Nat West.
39:36Not that sort
39:36of bank.
39:37It's a special
39:38bank,
39:38isn't it,
39:39where they freeze
39:39it all?
39:40Oh,
39:40the...
39:41The thingy,
39:43when I'm rich
39:44and famous,
39:45you know,
39:46then they'll be
39:46able to use you,
39:47won't they?
39:47Because then
39:48there'll be lots
39:48of little Damians
39:50running about.
39:50No.
39:52No,
39:53I mean,
39:53you could
39:55upset Raquel,
39:57you know,
39:57because psychologically
39:58she might think
40:00that you were
40:00being unfaithful
40:01to her,
40:02see,
40:02because you know
40:02how a woman's
40:03mind works.
40:06Oh.
40:08Yeah,
40:08I never thought
40:09of that,
40:09Rodders.
40:11Oh,
40:11you're right.
40:13Good thinking.
40:14Hey,
40:16well,
40:17come on,
40:17onwards and
40:18upwards.
40:19Here.
40:21Don't you say
40:22nothing to nobody
40:23about this,
40:23all right?
40:24Well,
40:24of course not.
40:29Thank you,
40:29Sid,
40:29that was
40:30horrible,
40:32as usual.
40:33Cheers,
40:33Dale.
40:37See,
40:38Bill's having a
40:39vasectomy.
40:40A vasectomy?
40:41Dale boy's
40:44having a vasectomy.
40:56The doctor
40:56will be with you
40:57in a moment.
40:58Well,
40:58yeah,
40:59thank you,
41:00nurse.
41:00I've got to see
41:20about that paint
41:22I sold you
41:22for your surgery.
41:23Oh,
41:24let's not worry
41:25about that.
41:25I have work
41:26to do.
41:27what nervous
41:33are you?
41:36Well,
41:36just a tad,
41:37you know.
41:38I mean,
41:39this is my
41:39first time.
41:41Mine too.
41:50My,
41:51my,
41:52my.
41:54You are
41:54a big man,
41:55Mr.
41:56Oh,
41:56thank you.
42:03You should go
42:04on a diet.
42:08I always say
42:09that just to
42:10relax the patient.
42:11Yeah,
42:11I've got to
42:12remember that one.
42:13Next time I have
42:14some bloke's vitals
42:15in me hands.
42:17Well,
42:18look,
42:18I'll have to give you
42:18a small injection
42:19just to numb the area.
42:21All right,
42:22thank you.
42:22this might
42:26stink a bit.
42:30Oh,
42:30I've got a touch
42:46of cramp.
42:47Tell me,
42:51Raquel,
42:52seriously,
42:53what do you think
42:54about this
42:54vasectomy idea?
42:56I don't mind,
42:57honest.
42:58All right,
42:58Raquel,
42:59you win.
42:59I won't have it done.
43:04So,
43:05what finally put you
43:06off having a vasectomy
43:07then?
43:08Didn't have the balls?
43:09No,
43:12it wasn't that.
43:14Look,
43:14I wasn't frightened.
43:16It was,
43:17well,
43:17it was a medical reason.
43:20I kept thinking
43:20about them tadpoles.
43:23What about them?
43:24Well,
43:25I mean,
43:25you know,
43:25where do they go?
43:27What do you mean?
43:28Well,
43:29look,
43:29when you have the
43:30operation,
43:31it stops them,
43:32doesn't it,
43:32from going,
43:33from,
43:34from,
43:34well,
43:37taking their
43:37normal route.
43:39So,
43:39where do they go?
43:41What,
43:41are you worried
43:42about them
43:42hanging around
43:42on straight corners?
43:46All I'm saying
43:47is,
43:48they've got to
43:48go somewhere.
43:50Got to such a point,
43:51I thought,
43:51well,
43:52you know,
43:52I'd be frightened
43:52to sneeze.
43:59No,
44:00what?
44:01Ah.
44:03Caught you at last,
44:05Mr. Trotter.
44:06Ah,
44:06Dr. Singh,
44:07how nice
44:07to see you again.
44:09Have you seen
44:09my surgery recently?
44:13That paint
44:13you sold me
44:14is peeling off
44:15in great chunks.
44:16It's a medical
44:17practice,
44:17Mr. Trotter.
44:18And it looks
44:19as if my walls
44:19have got scabies.
44:21My patients
44:22are leaving me.
44:23Yeah,
44:24well,
44:24the thing is,
44:25Dr. Singh,
44:25we didn't realise
44:26until sometime after
44:27that the paint
44:28was ever so
44:29slightly out of date.
44:31Did we,
44:31Rodney?
44:32No.
44:33No,
44:33we spotted it in
44:34and we noticed
44:35it should have been
44:35used by June
44:361983.
44:39I want something
44:40done about it
44:40and fast.
44:42Yes,
44:42yes,
44:42of course,
44:43Dr. Singh.
44:43I will send
44:44someone from
44:44my painting
44:45and decorating
44:45department
44:46round to see you
44:46first thing
44:47in the morning.
44:48If you don't,
44:49Mr. Trotter,
44:50I'll be back.
44:54Yes,
44:54thank you,
44:55Dr. Singh.
44:56Yes,
44:56I'm missing you
44:57already.
44:59I'll be back.
45:00He always says
45:01that.
45:02Do you know
45:02what his nickname
45:03is?
45:04The Turbinator.
45:07What a turbin.
45:09I don't believe
45:10you sometimes.
45:11Dr. Singh
45:12is an honest,
45:13law-abiding man.
45:14You knew that
45:15paint was iffy.
45:16Oh,
45:17I'm supposed to be
45:18some sort of
45:18paint expert now,
45:19am I?
45:22Don't give me
45:22all that rubbish
45:23about him being
45:24a law-abiding citizen.
45:25I mean,
45:25look at him now,
45:26look,
45:26he's riding that
45:27bike with a
45:27crash helmet.
45:28Under the law,
45:32Sikhs are
45:32excused crash hats.
45:34Is he going to
45:35fit an helmet
45:35over that turban?
45:38I never thought
45:38of that.
45:39I suppose that's
45:40why you never
45:41see a Sikh
45:41astronaut,
45:42isn't it?
45:44I'm not
45:44wearing it,
45:55all right?
45:55Now,
45:56it's half past
45:56five.
45:56That's my
45:57going-home time.
45:58Roddy,
45:58opportunities
45:59don't stop
46:00presenting themselves
46:00because Cassandra's
46:01got the sprouts
46:02on.
46:03That's stupid
46:04and I'm not
46:05doing it,
46:05all right?
46:06Roddy,
46:07there are
46:07millions of
46:08Sikhs out there
46:08riding motorcycles
46:10that are going
46:10completely unprotected.
46:12kids.
46:13But this is going
46:19to solve their
46:20problem.
46:22Allow me to
46:22introduce my
46:23new company,
46:24TCT.
46:26TCT?
46:26Yes,
46:27Trotter's
46:27Crash
46:28Turbans.
46:30This is our
46:31opportunity to do
46:32something for our
46:33fellow man,
46:33Rodney.
46:34It is also an
46:35opportunity for you
46:36to get rid of them
46:37horse-riding crash
46:37helmets you've got
46:38lumbered with.
46:38All right,
46:39well,
46:39just hang about it.
46:40It's just a prototype,
46:41isn't it?
46:41It is not a prototype.
46:44It is a show-jumping
46:45helmet with one of
46:46Raquel's old scarves
46:47glued on top.
46:48Exactly.
46:48That is because
46:49Raquel is 100%
46:50behind this project.
46:52She said to me,
46:52Del Boy,
46:53you can have
46:53anything you want
46:54because I want to
46:55do my bit for
46:56mankind,
46:57she said.
46:58Look.
47:00Look.
47:01I mean,
47:03look.
47:05I think you look
47:06rather dashy.
47:07I look like a human
47:08cannonball who's just
47:09crashed into a
47:10washing line.
47:11God, I hate
47:13vanity.
47:14Now, you take my
47:15word for it,
47:16Rodney.
47:16Once you take this
47:17over to Wembley and
47:18Southall and show
47:19the Sikh community
47:20this in all its glory,
47:22take it over and
47:23show it to them.
47:24Yes, of course.
47:25Because then we'll
47:26sell them by the
47:27thousands.
47:27We can then export
47:28them to Australia,
47:29America, the Far
47:30East.
47:31You expect me to go
47:31out and sell this?
47:33Well, you are my
47:33new director of
47:34sales, aren't you?
47:36They'll smash my
47:37head in.
47:38Of course they
47:39won't.
47:40They're a peaceful,
47:41loving people.
47:42Anyway, even if they
47:43do, I mean, you'll
47:44be wearing a trotter
47:45crash turban.
47:46Perfect opportunity
47:48to prove how
47:48effective it is.
47:51You know it makes
47:52sense.
47:53All I know is I'm
47:54not stepping out of
47:55that front door
47:55dressed like this.
47:56All right,
47:57Rodney.
47:58Hi, Rachel.
47:59During the war...
47:59Will you shut up?
48:01Can't you see that
48:02Rodney and I are in
48:03the middle of a very
48:04important board meeting?
48:05We don't want to hear
48:06stories about U-boats
48:07and giant squids.
48:09I was just going to
48:10say that during the war
48:11I spent some time in
48:12India and I got to
48:13know a little about
48:14the Sikh religion.
48:15What I discovered was
48:17that to a Sikh,
48:18a turban has mystical
48:19powers which are
48:21exposed to enter the
48:21body.
48:22In other words,
48:23it has to be in
48:24contact with the
48:25head.
48:25Ah, see?
48:27And this ain't in
48:28contact with the
48:28head because there's
48:29a bloody horse
48:29riding helmet in
48:30between.
48:31Yeah, all right.
48:32Well, look, I haven't
48:32finalised the design
48:33yet, have I?
48:34What I'll do is we'll
48:35just get a little
48:35piece like this and
48:36we'll stuff it up
48:37inside there so it
48:38is in contact with
48:39the head.
48:39There.
48:40Right, Raquel, what do
48:41you think?
48:41I can't see it
48:42catching on, Del.
48:42I mean, what would
48:43you wear with it?
48:44Is that my scarf?
48:46Don't worry, I will
48:47buy you another one.
48:48Will you please
48:49understand, Raquel,
48:50this is not a fashion
48:51statement.
48:52I guessed that,
48:53Derek, I guessed
48:54that.
48:54No, it is a safety
48:55device.
48:56Del, people would
48:56rather be critically
48:57injured than wear
48:58this.
49:00Answer that, will
49:01you?
49:02Look, mark my
49:03word, three months
49:04from now you'll be
49:04seeing this on
49:05Tomorrow's World.
49:06More like Wayne's
49:07World.
49:08Oi, I'm not going
49:09on Tomorrow's World
49:10dressed like this.
49:11Rodney, it's
49:12Cassandra's bag for
49:13you.
49:13Oh, he's probably
49:14been caught in
49:15another late meeting.
49:16Come on and get
49:16something.
49:17Raquel.
49:17All right, now
49:18listen to me.
49:19They laughed when
49:21they invented the
49:22airbag, didn't they?
49:22No, they didn't.
49:23They were a good
49:24invention.
49:24All right, tell me
49:25one invention that
49:26they did laugh at
49:27when it was first
49:27seen then.
49:28That.
49:30Yeah, I'm on my
49:30way.
49:34What's up,
49:35brothers?
49:37I've rushed
49:38Cassandra to
49:38hospital.
49:41She's had a
49:41miscarriage.
49:43All right,
49:46brothers.
49:47All right, mate.
49:49Come on, calm down.
49:50I'm with you.
49:50I'm with you.
49:51Stay here.
49:51Stay here.
49:52Excuse me.
49:52Can you tell me
49:53which ward Mrs.
49:54Trotter is in,
49:54please?
49:55Ah, are you
49:56Mr. Trotter?
49:56Yes, yes, I am.
49:57Come this way,
49:58please.
49:58Yes, okay.
50:01All right,
50:01Rodney, come on
50:02this way.
50:02Come on.
50:04Oi, are you
50:05having a laugh
50:06with me or
50:06something?
50:06I've been in
50:08only 20 minutes
50:09already and the
50:10only person in
50:11this poxy hospital
50:13who's spoken to
50:14me is this
50:15old car.
50:16I'm sorry, sir,
50:18but we're very
50:18busy.
50:19This way, please.
50:20Come on,
50:21keep up looking.
50:25Could you put these on,
50:26please?
50:26It's just a
50:27proportion.
50:27Lovely.
50:28Lovely.
50:29Lovely.
50:29Lovely.
50:30Now, Mrs. Trotter
50:35is in a single
50:36room, number
50:3646, down
50:37there on the
50:38right.
50:39She is
50:39naturally
50:39stuck on that
50:40and we don't
50:41want her being
50:42excited in
50:42any way.
50:43Yeah, of
50:43course.
50:47Thanks.
50:48All right.
50:49Can I put one
50:50on, please?
50:51Oh, you?
50:52I'm my husband.
50:54How's that,
50:55then?
50:56He's my
50:56brother.
51:00What the hell?
51:09Bloody hell
51:10am I going to
51:10say to her?
51:13Don't worry,
51:13Rodney.
51:15Don't worry,
51:15you'll say
51:15something,
51:16it'll just
51:16come to you.
51:19Just listen
51:20to me,
51:21Rodney.
51:22At this
51:22specific moment
51:24in time,
51:25Cassandra,
51:26she don't need
51:27doom and gloom.
51:29She needs
51:29you to be
51:30optimistic.
51:31I feel
51:32optimistic
51:32right now,
51:33don't I?
51:34I don't care
51:35how you feel,
51:35you've just
51:35got to be.
51:36You don't
51:37care how
51:37I feel?
51:38No.
51:39You can do
51:40your weeping
51:41and crying
51:41in the van
51:42on the way
51:42home.
51:43Right now,
51:44you've got to
51:45be a rock
51:45for Cassandra.
51:48I want you
51:49to go in there
51:50and I want
51:50you to talk
51:50to her,
51:51talk to her
51:51about the
51:52future,
51:52not the past
51:53or the present,
51:53but about
51:54the future.
51:56Because,
51:56you two,
51:57you two,
51:59you've got
51:59some really
52:00good times
52:01to come.
52:04It's strange
52:04if I find
52:05that hard
52:05to believe
52:06right now.
52:07Well,
52:07you've got
52:07to believe it
52:08because it's
52:09true.
52:11Right now,
52:13Cassandra
52:14needs your
52:15strength.
52:17You go in
52:18there and
52:18I don't want
52:19no sobbing,
52:20no booing.
52:21you just
52:23give her
52:24comfort
52:24and
52:25understanding.
52:27Right?
52:31Right.
52:32Good boy.
52:34Right,
52:35you know
52:35it makes sense.
52:36Right?
52:37Right.
52:37I'm sorry,
53:05Rodney.
53:06I let you
53:30down.
53:30I let
53:31everyone
53:32down.
53:33Of course
53:33you haven't.
53:34it happens,
53:38Cass.
53:39It just...
53:41Well,
53:42it just
53:43happens.
53:45There was
53:45nothing you
53:46or I could
53:46have done.
53:48Don't blame
53:49yourself,
53:50sweetheart.
53:52You haven't
53:53let anybody
53:53down.
53:55There's
53:55Ashley,
53:56Rodney.
53:57Go on,
53:57you tell her,
53:58tell her,
53:58tell her about
53:59this.
53:59that.
54:00Yeah,
54:02yeah,
54:02um...
54:03Be
54:04help,
54:05uh...
54:06Um...
54:10That must not be a good time for us to be on our own, you know, um, discuss a few things.
54:17Yes, I think you're right, bruv.
54:23Cassandra, me and Rodney are going outside.
54:27I want me to be on our own.
54:31I want me and Cassandra.
54:34We'll be on our own.
54:37Oh, right, yeah, come on.
54:39Yes, I think.
54:40I think I'll go.
54:43I'll see you later.
54:45Cassandra and...
54:46I'll see you.
54:48I'll see you.
54:48I lost our baby.
55:06Can't leave you alone with anything, can I?
55:12We're going to get over this case.
55:15We are going to win.
55:18Do you know why?
55:22Because we're strong.
55:24We are very, very strong.
55:29Things are going to get better and better and better for us.
55:34I love you, Rodney.
55:36I love you, Cass.
55:42I love you so much.
55:48It sort of burnt me right across the forehead here.
55:52I saw it.
55:53I said it was an air drive.
55:55It turns out it was an electric paint strip.
55:59I'd like to come with me, Mr Fisher.
56:03Oi!
56:04Why is he getting seen before me?
56:07I don't know why people bother to pay their national wealth stamps.
56:11Because if I'd ever had a job, I wouldn't have paid for them.
56:14Would you please keep your voice down?
56:17No!
56:19It's a free country, and I can share as much as I bloody well like.
56:22You're looking after all these bleeding malingerers here when I should be top of your list.
56:28Now, I took some pills earlier on today.
56:32Now, I've no idea what they were, because I was drunk.
56:35Now they're starting to upset me a little bit.
56:38You nurses, you're always whinging, aren't you, about low wages?
56:43Well, you don't deserve anything better.
56:46Do you hear that?
56:47You're all sodding useless!
56:48Yes!
56:49Excuse me, sir.
56:50What?
57:02Feeling better, sir?
57:05Yes.
57:06Thank you, Doctor.
57:09You're part of service.
57:11Bonjour.
57:14I bet you wish you'd gone private now, don't you?
57:18We've got some half-price crack ties, some miles and miles of carpet tiles,
57:32TVs, deep freeze, and David Bowie OPs,
57:35pool games, gold chains, wuss names, and header push,
57:38and Trevor Francis' treksuits from a mush,
57:40and Shepard's Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush.
57:44No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
57:50Black or white, rich or broke,
57:53a wheel cut prices and a straw.
57:58God bless Hooky Street,
58:01Viva Hooky Street,
58:04Long-lived Hooky Street,
58:07Sein Maltize Fee-Kooky Street,
58:09Man-de-fee-Kooky Street,
58:11Maltize Fee-Kooky Street,
58:13Hooky Street,
58:16Hooky Street,
58:20Hooky Street,
58:23Hooky Street,
58:25Hooky Street.
58:26escribinayen ris producto,
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