- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S06E01 - Yuppy Love
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:18Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:22It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:26But is the one what's driving me berserk
00:29Why do only fours and horses work
00:33La la la la la la la la la la
00:42That's the way, Rodney
00:46Don't bother helping me get the tea ready
00:49Just carry on poncing about with that computer
00:51I'm not poncing about with anything
00:55In case it slipped that senile shrapnel cluttered brain of yours
00:59I happen to be studying for a computer diploma course.
01:04Oh, I ain't forgotten, son.
01:05I remember you enrolling on a three-month course two years ago.
01:09It happens to be an extremely difficult exam.
01:12Well, you should know. You've failed it often enough.
01:15I have not failed.
01:18Well, in the popular sense of the word.
01:21It's just all the other students have an advantage over me.
01:24Yeah, they all pass.
01:25I mean, they are sent to the evening college by their companies.
01:31All day long, they are working with computers,
01:34knocking out data and programs, ain't they?
01:36Whereas all day long, I am working with a suitcase,
01:40knocking out disposable lighters and Turkish raincoats.
01:44But even if you get your diploma,
01:46what difference will that make to Trotters Independent Traders?
01:49I'm not doing it for Trotters Independent Traders.
01:52I'm doing it for me.
01:53Hey, this diploma could be my passport to freedom,
01:56a decent job, a future.
01:59I mean, I can't go on for the rest of my life
02:01messing about with this sort of junk, can I?
02:03Do you know what he wants me to do?
02:05He wants me to stand in a market,
02:07flogging raincoats with dry-clean only on the label.
02:11Puts the punters right off.
02:13The way Dale was telling the other day,
02:15the future's never looked more promising.
02:17Oh, well, but that's all talk, innit?
02:20Haven't you seen the change in him?
02:22He's gone all high-powered and trendy, hasn't he?
02:25I mean, he saw that film Wall Street about six bloody times, didn't he?
02:29And there's a character in that, right, called Gordon Gekko.
02:32Now, he's a real tough, high-flying whiz kid, right?
02:35And Dale wants to be just like him.
02:37He doesn't seem to realise that Gordon Gekko had brains.
02:40Dale thinks all you need is a filofax and a pair of red braces
02:46and you're a chairman of the boards.
02:48Still, I will say one thing for him.
02:49He has been very encouraging with this evening college course.
02:53Yeah? How?
02:54Well, he...
02:56Well, he gives me a lift there every week.
03:04That's the way, Rodney.
03:06Don't bother about stocking up the van for the morning.
03:08You just sit there poncing about with that computer.
03:10Derek, it is my college evening
03:12and I'm trying to finish my homework.
03:15Oh, yeah.
03:16Oh, yeah.
03:17Ah, no, that's good.
03:19That's very good, that, Rodney.
03:20Yeah, you'll probably get a star for that.
03:22I don't know why you bother, honestly.
03:24You've always been the same, even when you was at school.
03:26Nothing but books, learning, education.
03:29That's why you're no good at snooker.
03:32Can't you a bit of grub, Dale?
03:34No, no thanks, Albert.
03:35Food is for wince.
03:36I've got my correspondence to catch up with.
03:39Tough at the top, eh, Dale?
03:40Yeah, don't worry.
03:41We're going to get to the top one day.
03:43Don't worry.
03:43This time next year, we will be millionaires.
03:50Ah...
03:50See, we're moving already.
03:55This is from the council.
03:56They've received my application to buy this flat
03:58and they're giving it consideration.
04:00This flat?
04:01Why?
04:01Well, we've been living in it since 1962.
04:05You were born in it.
04:06He was banned from it.
04:09I mean, we're all living in it.
04:11You know, the whole family.
04:12There's mum and grandad and...
04:14You know, everyone.
04:17This place holds many warm memories for me.
04:21But why do you want to buy it?
04:22So we can sell it.
04:26Sell it?
04:27What for?
04:28Bloody good profit with a bit of luck.
04:29Exactly.
04:31Exactly.
04:31You see, Rodney,
04:32Peckham here is becoming a very trendy area.
04:35I mean, it's full of wine bars and bistros.
04:37You know, property prices are booming.
04:39So if we can flog this place to some, you know,
04:42chinless wonder for some vastly inordinate sum,
04:45well, that means that we can get a nice little drum
04:47out there in a suburb.
04:49Dale, council properties were built
04:50so the poorer classes would have somewhere to live.
04:53If they start selling them to Hooray Henry's,
04:55where are they going to go?
04:56Um...
04:58Isha, Orpington, somewhere like that.
05:01But they can't afford to buy houses.
05:04They can when they sold their flats.
05:06Yeah, of course they can.
05:07It's money for an old rope.
05:08Lovely jubbly.
05:09It is immoral.
05:10Oh, shut up, you tart.
05:14All right.
05:15Think of it from our business point of view, eh?
05:18I mean, this flat is in a wonderful position, isn't it?
05:20I mean, it's 15 minutes from the West End.
05:22It's 15 minutes from the motorway.
05:24And 15 minutes from the Grand.
05:26You're right, Rodney.
05:31You're right.
05:31Never thought of that.
05:32That's a very good selling point.
05:34I'm going to make a note of that.
05:35That could whack on a few grand, Albert.
05:38Yeah, don't worry.
05:39We'll make a nice little bit of bunce out of this old drum.
05:42You have got no right to sell this flat over my head.
05:45Oi, do you mind?
05:46Listen, I've been living here for 27 years.
05:48That gives me the right to decide its future.
05:50And I was born here.
05:51That gives me more right than anybody.
05:53You might have been born here, but Dale's the one who pays the rent of yours.
05:57Yeah, that's right.
05:59And you take just how much I've paid in rent over the years.
06:02I must have bought this place at least four or five times over.
06:05And yet not one breeze block belongs to me.
06:09To us.
06:10But all that is going to change.
06:12You're just a snob.
06:13That's all you are.
06:14I am not a snob, Rodney.
06:16I am a realist.
06:17Blimey, I've grafted for years, I have, to try to get us a nice little place out there
06:21in the open air.
06:22And look at us.
06:23We're still here in this council-built Lego set.
06:26Blimey, I used to watch you when you was a kid, you know.
06:29Breathing in all the fumes from the motorway.
06:31You must have more lead inside you than a butcher's pencil.
06:35And I used to think, God, what is it doing to his little brain?
06:38Too late now, son.
06:40There, you see, that's right.
06:42I'm a fully grown...
06:43How do you mean it's too late now?
06:45I mean, you're a full-grown man.
06:47Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
06:50Anyway, you've only been paying the rent here since Mum died.
06:53Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
06:55I've been paying the rent here ever since I was old enough to hop the wag.
06:59I was the only one in this family who ever earned any money.
07:02I mean, you just take it.
07:03I mean, there was Mum, bless her, you know.
07:05I mean, she tried, but her health let her down.
07:08And there was Dad, he would have loved a job.
07:10Except he suffered from this sticky mattress.
07:13And there was dear old Grandad, bless him.
07:16He was about as youthful as a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with one ear.
07:20All the things that we've ever got out of life has come from my intelligence and my foresight.
07:27Well, I'm glad somebody's hung up.
07:29I don't know what you're moaning about.
07:34Life's been a walkover for you.
07:36You've never had a graft for it when you was a kid.
07:38Because I saw to it that you didn't have to.
07:41When I was 11 years old, Rodney, Dad got me two, count them, two paper rounds.
07:45That was me.
07:46Come rain, sleet or shine.
07:48There was Del Boy every morning.
07:4935 daily sketches, 40 heralds and a Spick and Spam for the weirdo in Marley Road.
07:56And when I delivered them, I went to another shop and started my second round.
08:01Dad always said he'd get me a bike.
08:04Oi.
08:05I used to work when I was a kid as well.
08:07When?
08:08When I was 11.
08:10When they were introducing North Sea Gas to the area.
08:13And you got hold of that consignment of do-it-yourself gas conversion kits.
08:18You remember that Sunday you sent me down to Mountbatten Estate with a barrel load of them?
08:23All day long I was down here knocking on doors.
08:25I missed me Sunday dinner and everything.
08:27And not one of the gits down there had the decency to tell me that the Mountbatten Estate was all electric.
08:34No, I seem to remember you coming back and telling me about that, yeah.
08:41They just kept laughing at me.
08:43I thought it was that stupid flower power shirt he used to make me wear.
08:48It was a very beautiful shirt, that, Rodney.
08:50That was horrible.
08:52It was pink with little red poppies all over it.
08:55It was very fashionable.
08:56Once.
08:57But, Derek, at the time I happened to be covered in chicken pox.
09:01From a distance I looked like I was stripped to the waist.
09:07To this day I will never know what possessed you to send me to that estate.
09:11I mean, you had mates living there.
09:13You must have known it was all electric.
09:15All right, I don't know.
09:17I mean, it was a long time ago I've forgotten about.
09:18All right, so you grafted as well.
09:21He fought and died for his country.
09:23Many times.
09:24Which gives us the right to make a bit of profit out of this flat.
09:29Del, I want to stay in this flat.
09:31You can buy it off Del then.
09:38What's the trouble with you, Rodney?
09:39You don't move with the times.
09:41The world is changing out there.
09:42It's a financial jungle.
09:44It's a question of he who dares wins.
09:46He who hesitates, don't.
09:48It's called the survival of the fittest.
09:52No, Unc.
09:53It's called pull the ladder up, Jack, and sod the rest.
09:56There are times when you have to look after yourself, Rodney.
09:59I remember once when I was in the South Pacific.
10:02Oi, don't you dare give me another nautical nightmare.
10:07I've already been through the Adriatic with him once this afternoon.
10:10It's like the adventures of a Dover soul.
10:12All right, Rodney.
10:19Look, we won't move far away.
10:22There are lots of nice places around this area.
10:25We'll buy a house that befits people like us.
10:28What do you mean, people like us?
10:30Well, yuppies.
10:33I am not a yuppie.
10:36No, no, no.
10:36But given time and a little help from me,
10:39Is he supposed to do that?
10:55What are you stopping for?
10:59Cop a load of this, bruv.
11:00I mean, this is what you call living.
11:01You know, I bet this guy,
11:11I bet it's got a guest suite, swimming pool, a jacuzzi.
11:15What have we got?
11:16A put-you-up, a damp patch and a jacuzzi.
11:19What do you reckon this sort of place goes for, then?
11:22You know what, I don't know.
11:23Three quarters of a million, maybe more.
11:26We'll be in one of these one day, bruv.
11:28Oh, yeah.
11:28What have you got lined up, a decorating job?
11:33No, listen to me.
11:35We just need an half-decent break and we'll be millionaires.
11:40Del, I wouldn't live in this road if you paid me.
11:42It's puntsy, it's immoral.
11:45Moral?
11:46What are you going on about, you dipstick?
11:47Look, you've got something like 18 acres of land here
11:50with about 12 families living on it.
11:53Do you know all these sort of people,
11:54they need a bit of space around them, don't they?
11:55I mean, down here, you've got stockbrokers, private doctors,
12:00Porsches.
12:02I mean, these are the creme de la mont for the community.
12:05You know, you can house thousands of people on this land.
12:08What, more tower blocks?
12:10Of course, if it was left up to you,
12:12the only growth industry would be lift repairing.
12:16Every time you go to these evening classes,
12:17you come back talking like Ken Livingstone and Arthur Scargill.
12:21Watch it, you'll end up with a funny haircut.
12:24Are you going to drive me to the adult education centre
12:27or are we going to stand here all night admiring the privets?
12:32Are you sure the door's closed, Rodney?
12:43Look, Rodney, I want to be successful,
12:45but not for the money.
12:47I want the power and the influence that success brings.
12:50And what will you do with all this power and influence?
12:53Spend it.
12:54LAUGHTER
12:55Go on.
13:19Hurry up, Rodney.
13:20You'll be calling the register in a minute.
13:22Hey, hey, hey.
13:24Mind the road.
13:25Remember what the Green Cross Cove man said?
13:30You were getting on my bloody nerves.
13:34Rodney.
13:35Rodney.
13:36Just remember,
13:37if the big boys gang up on you again at playtime,
13:39you tell the teacher.
13:40What are you...
13:41And don't lose your dinner money.
13:54LAUGHTER
13:55Now, that is a bit of me.
14:13SHEER properly.
14:14I'll sing the Shark.
14:32ποι,
14:32I'll live your bitches.
14:33I could see what's happening.
14:35I don't know.
14:36I'm like, oh, go go go.
14:37前 Luke.
14:37I'm like, oh.
14:38I'm like.
14:38It's good to unwind, eh?
15:01Sorry, Peter.
15:02After a whole day in the city, it's good to unwind.
15:05I imagine it must be very tiring.
15:08Tiring?
15:08It's hard, yeah, I'm cream-crackered and that's no lie.
15:12Well, I've been up since 6 o'clock this morning trying to talk to a bloke in New York.
15:15Why didn't you use a telephone?
15:18No, I've got a telephone and all that, eh?
15:21No, I mean, it's just a long and stressful day, you know, wheeling and dealing in the old commodities market.
15:25It ain't all champagne and Skittles.
15:27Oh, no.
15:28Buying, selling, you know, making billion-pound decisions.
15:33It's a git of a drive home and all.
15:34What exactly do you buy and sell in the commodities market?
15:39Oh, you know, this and that, whatever's going, you know.
15:41Iron ore, sugar beet.
15:43I made a killing today on olive oil.
15:46Gord knows what Popeye will say when he gets home.
15:47Can I, uh, get you anything?
15:52Uh, yes, sir, please, sir, John.
15:54Bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau.
15:56Yes, sir.
15:57Ahem.
15:58Ahem.
15:58A 79.
16:04Oh, Popeye, you got it, have you?
16:06Have you got one, haven't you?
16:07Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
16:22Ah, bloody hell.
16:26You're not supposed to do all this.
16:32Hello.
16:34Oh.
16:36Hi.
16:37Sorry to interrupt you.
16:38Oh, well, that's all right.
16:40It's just some computer data I've got to put into a program.
16:43It's very complicated.
16:44Well, yeah, it does look difficult, but it's no problem.
16:47My name's Rodney.
16:52Oh, Cassandra.
16:53Ah, Cassandra.
16:55That's a lovely name.
16:57I'm glad we bumped into each other, because I was trying to find a way of saying hello to you,
17:01and I think it's really, you know, sort of liberated of you to make the first move.
17:05Move?
17:05No, you don't understand.
17:08You've taken my coat.
17:14I'm so sorry.
17:15It's okay.
17:16They're very similar.
17:17It's an easy mistake to make.
17:18This one's yours.
17:20Well, how do you know it's mine?
17:22It's got your name written in it.
17:23Look, I didn't write this.
17:33It's most probably my brother, you know, his idea of a joke.
17:36Well, whatever.
17:38We've sorted it out now.
17:40Yeah.
17:42Well, nice meeting you.
17:44Oh, yeah, and you.
17:53Cassandra.
18:07I was wondering whether you had time for a quick drink.
18:09Oh, I'm sorry.
18:10I'm going out with a friend tonight.
18:11Oh, well, never mind.
18:13Um, can I walk you to your car?
18:16Oh, thank you.
18:17Oh, pleasure.
18:20Here we are.
18:23I thought it was.
18:27Thank you for getting me here safely.
18:30Speak nothing of it.
18:32It's a nice car.
18:34It's my father's.
18:36Do you live around there?
18:37Blackheath.
18:38How about you?
18:39Uh, Peckham.
18:42Where are you parked?
18:43Oh, no, I lent my car to my brother.
18:45Well, I wish I hadn't now, after what he wrote in my coat,
18:48the little...
18:49arsehole.
18:50No, I'll get a bus down to Terminus.
18:52I'm going past the Terminus, if you'd like a lift.
18:54Oh, thank you.
18:59Rodney.
19:03Condus.
19:04I think someone's calling you.
19:06Really?
19:08Over here.
19:09Hung about for you.
19:10Give your lift home.
19:11Oh, yeah, that's...
19:14Someone I know.
19:18Well...
19:19Thanks for the offer, anyway.
19:22Okay.
19:23Bye.
19:24Yeah.
19:26Bye.
19:30Who's the tart?
19:31What's the matter with you?
19:46What's the matter?
19:49Has he given you lines or something?
19:51Why did you write my name inside that ringtone?
19:53Well, because Mum said to me on her deathbed...
19:55Yeah, she's...
19:56Why did you write it, you kids?
19:57Right, all right.
19:59She said to me,
20:00make sure you'll always write Rodney's name in his clothes.
20:02That way, no one will nick him.
20:04And I was just giving him a promise.
20:06I was so embarrassed.
20:08Yeah, but no one nicked your coat, did they?
20:11Oh, come on.
20:13Come on, honey.
20:13It was only a joke, you touchy-todd.
20:15Come on, come on, have a drink.
20:16Come on.
20:16Over here, look.
20:17I've got some wine and some of that funny water.
20:20Right.
20:21I never thought I'd like a spitzer, you know,
20:24but I've got right into it now.
20:27Hey, how you try that?
20:28Good stuff.
20:28Cheers, Rod.
20:30What are you still doing now?
20:31Ah, well, when I dropped you,
20:33I followed these two yuppie sorts.
20:36You know, told him a few jokes,
20:37flashed me file of facts,
20:38knocked them bandy.
20:40Where are they?
20:41They went to the ladies a couple of hours ago
20:43and ain't come back, yeah?
20:45Still, never mind, never mind.
20:47Plenty more in the sea,
20:48plenty more where they came from,
20:50ain't they?
20:50Hey, so we're...
20:51Oh, hey, that's an idea.
20:53Why don't we pull ourselves a couple of sorts
20:55and go on to a club, like,
20:56you know what I mean?
20:57No, not me, too.
20:59Oh, come on, you're not going home already, are you?
21:01No, not with Albert there.
21:03Last thing I need right now
21:04is another battle at the Baltic.
21:05Look, stick them in a van for me,
21:08would you?
21:08I'll see you later.
21:09Yeah, yeah, all right, bruv,
21:10yeah, I will, yeah.
21:13Excuse me, are you eating?
21:16No, I'm nibbling it.
21:19Oh, no, no, no, no.
21:21Our bistro's just opened,
21:22I was wondering if you'd like a table for dinner.
21:24Oh, dinner, no thanks, no thanks, John.
21:25No, dinner is for whips.
21:27You know what I mean?
21:28And tonight's lucky winner is
21:34the chick sitting at the corner table.
21:37Now, you've got no chance with her, Jevin.
21:39I've seen five blokes ask her for a dance
21:42and she gave them all a blank.
21:43No, five ordinary mortals.
21:44She hasn't met me yet.
21:46Just listen to me.
21:48Well, you carry on, Jevin.
21:49Me and Mickey will prepare the altar.
21:51I'll wait to you as I leave.
21:53Yeah, don't forget, will you?
21:54Hey, Jevin, he does the business, though,
21:57don't he, Rodney, eh?
21:58Still, I taught him everything he knows.
22:01I'm turning up, Mickey.
22:03Last time you went out with a bird,
22:04you took her to a Bay City Rollers concert.
22:08What's the matter with you, anyway?
22:10You've got a foil or a pimple or something.
22:12Yeah, sure.
22:14It's called Del Boy.
22:16Oh, yeah, yeah, he's getting a bit noncy,
22:17isn't he, lately?
22:18I see him walking down the high street the other day
22:20with his filer packs all up in front of him.
22:22You know, a lot of people
22:24thought it was a protest march.
22:26Yeah, well, he only uses it for business, don't he?
22:29And what about that green coat of his, eh?
22:31Oh, looks a right poultice, doesn't it?
22:33Well, personally, I think he looks very smart.
22:35Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
22:36He looks like the Incredible Hulk's little boy.
22:39I'll tell him next time I see him.
22:41I'm sure he'll find a way of showing his gratitude.
22:44You don't have to tell him, do you?
22:45It's only a joke, isn't it?
22:46I don't believe it.
22:51Looks like Jevon has fallen on stony ground.
22:54She's a lesbian.
23:13She probably likes a direct approach instead of all that old fanny you've given.
23:18Watch the master.
23:19The thing is, I never know whether to believe him.
23:25He always struck me as a pretty straightforward type.
23:28You don't know him like I do.
23:29Do you want to dodge?
23:30No.
23:31Right.
23:35She's definitely a lesbian.
23:39Oh, don't be stupid, Mickey.
23:41You're all busy down a town hall.
23:42She danced with me.
23:49That's what we like about you, Rodney.
23:51We're always guaranteed a laugh.
23:54Look, I'm a first-hand and lateral chatting, and this is God's foster song.
23:58So what chance has a whale like you got?
24:02I bet you she'll dance with me.
24:04Oh, you bet, do you?
24:05Right, tell her if she don't.
24:07I'll have some of that.
24:09That's a score.
24:10Cover the bet, Rodney.
24:11All right, I will.
24:17Before you ask her to dance, why don't you see if she'll lend you a fiver?
24:22Right, one score.
24:24You don't come to a disco expecting to make a profit, do you?
24:28That's very true, Michael.
24:30I'll see you too later.
24:31He said he had a holiday home near Marbella.
24:36Turned out to be a caravan on the Isle of Sheffield.
24:38Well, didn't you say so?
24:39Yes.
24:40He said distance was relative.
24:43Well, I suppose he's got a point.
24:45I mean, compared to somewhere like Melbourne, the Isle of Sheffield is near Marbella.
24:50Hi.
24:50Hello.
24:51Hello.
24:51Again.
24:52I don't know.
25:22Hey, Trigg, Trigg, Trigg over here.
25:27What's your doing here?
25:30Well, I'm always here, I'm a regular here now.
25:33Here, John, get my mate a pint of lager, will you?
25:36I'm afraid we don't serve beers, sir.
25:39Oh, yeah, that's right, I remember now, yeah.
25:42Yeah, there was no call for it, so they knocked it on the head.
25:45Do you fancy a spit, sir?
25:46Yeah, I'll give it a try.
25:48Anyway, what are you doing down here, Trigg? I thought you'd be in the old next head.
25:51Yeah, I was, but Mike's just barred me.
25:54Barred you? What for?
25:55He accused me of stealing one of his pork pies.
25:58What do I want his rotten pork pies for? I don't even like pork pies.
26:03Oh, he's getting right out of order, that bloke, he really is.
26:06I'm thinking of suing him for de... definitely...
26:12Slander?
26:13Yeah.
26:15I wouldn't worry about it, Trigg, I wouldn't worry.
26:17He's done you a favour, actually.
26:18No, he really has. I mean, you look round here.
26:21This place is full of yuppie sorts.
26:24Yeah, we can't go wrong here, all we've got to do is learn their language.
26:28Why, they're foreign then?
26:30No, no, no, no, it's just that they're yuppies, they don't speak proper English like what we do.
26:35I mean, I've been ear-rolling them, it's all yarn, super and fab and all that game.
26:40Yeah.
26:41And they love to talk about money, it's their favourite subject.
26:44I mean, you chat about money and you can't fail to impress them.
26:47Yeah.
26:48Yeah, God's honest.
26:51I saw one of them old £5 notes the other day.
26:59Come here, come here, Trigg, Trigg.
27:01No, no, no, no, mate.
27:03I don't mean talk about your bloody coin collection, do I?
27:06I mean, you've just got to talk about your wealth.
27:08Yeah, but I ain't got none of that.
27:10Neither have half of these.
27:11They're all living in sin with their flexible friends.
27:14I just mean you've got to chat about it.
27:16You've just got to talk about it.
27:19Look, I'll show you how it's done, look.
27:20Watch me, watch this.
27:22It's all good when you're in a high-profile business, isn't it, girlsie?
27:31Really?
27:32Yeah.
27:33Of course, I'm in stocks and shares meself.
27:35Yeah, I bought a few thousand shares in a little department store this afternoon.
27:38Now I've got to phone with Laura and me accountant.
27:40Gives you the ump, doesn't it?
27:42Excuse me, sorry.
27:43Excuse me, sorry.
27:44How do you spell arids?
27:46Capital A.
27:48Capital A.
27:52Oh, I see.
27:53I see, all right.
27:54Beam me up, snotty.
27:59It's all you need, ain't it, eh?
28:00Yeah.
28:01Here, have this.
28:02I don't want it.
28:03Thanks.
28:13See you later, Mickey.
28:14Godney!
28:15Godney!
28:16Godney!
28:17Hang on.
28:18What's happening, then, eh?
28:19What's she all about?
28:20Her name is Cassandra, she lives in Blackheath, and she is giving me a lift home.
28:27She's got a car?
28:28No, she's giving me a crossbar.
28:30I thought she's got a car.
28:33We're dropping her friend off first, she lives next door to Cassandra.
28:36If you're going to Blackheath, you can give me a lift home, then, eh?
28:39No.
28:40Oh, go on.
28:41I'm going to a club over, Blackheath.
28:42Just drop us off somewhere, and I'll walk the rest of the way.
28:45No, cause, erm...
28:47Well, she's only got a two-seater.
28:49Yeah, if she's got a two-seater, here comes she's taking you and her mate.
28:53No, look, Mickey...
28:54Jevon!
28:55We're off.
29:01You better not nauseous up for me, Mickey.
29:03Don't worry, I'll be on my double best behaviour.
29:05The perfect gentleman.
29:06You better be.
29:07Promise.
29:08What's her friend's name?
29:09Emma.
29:10You can do her, too.
29:13Don't get me humble.
29:22You see, nowadays, these modern Eurobirds, they go for the more mature men who've made it in life.
29:27Yeah?
29:28Is that why we're having no luck?
29:29I haven't started yet.
29:30Just building myself up to it.
29:31Yeah, well, you better hurry up.
29:32It'll be closing time soon.
29:33All right, all right.
29:34I think we're on a winner here, Trey.
29:35All right.
29:36Play it nice and cool, son.
29:37Nice and cool.
29:38You know what I mean.
29:39All right.
29:40I think we're on a winner here, Trey.
29:44I think we're on a winner here, Trey.
29:45All right.
29:46Play it nice and cool, son.
29:47Nice and cool.
29:48You know what I mean.
29:49All right.
29:50I think we're on a winner here, Trey.
29:52All right.
29:53Play it nice and cool, son.
29:54Nice and cool.
29:55You know what I mean.
29:56You know what I mean.
30:19Treat up, Trey.
30:20Treat up.
30:21We're leaving.
30:24Aren't you going to try for them birds?
30:26No, no.
30:27You're cramping my style, mate.
30:28You're cramping my style.
30:35Me and Rodney live near each other.
30:37Do you know the new area estate, Peckham?
30:39No, can't say I've ever heard of it.
30:40No.
30:41Well, it's a rather lively place.
30:42Especially when a militant's older Mardi Gras.
30:44Hey, Rodney.
30:45You two live in Black Eve?
30:48Yes.
30:49Hey, you heard of a drink around there called the Down By The Riverside Club?
30:52No, can't say I've ever heard of that either.
30:53Where is it?
30:54Oh, well, it's down by the riverside, innit?
30:56I've heard of it.
30:57It's got a terrible reputation.
30:58Full of unsavoury characters.
30:59Well, I'm a member.
31:00I beg your pardon?
31:01That's all right, darling.
31:02Didn't even hear it.
31:03Didn't even hear it.
31:04Oh, please, God.
31:05All right, fair enough.
31:06You get a few unsavoury characters.
31:07Get in there.
31:08But we enjoy ourselves.
31:09So do lynch mobs.
31:10Oh, bitchy.
31:11Just for that, I'm not going to let you give me a kiss goodnight.
31:13Oh, God.
31:14Here we are.
31:15Night, Rodney.
31:16Night, Emma.
31:17Night, Emma.
31:48Love you.
31:49Good night.
31:50Good night.
31:51Good night.
31:52Look, I'm sorry about Mickey.
31:53Don't be silly.
31:54We all have friends who are over the place, eh?
31:55Nice.
31:56You've got to be talking 300k.
31:57Gonna be a bit of a culture shock for Cassandra when she drops you off at Nelson Mandela house,
32:00isn't it?
32:01Anyway, I'd better walk it from here, eh?
32:04I'll see you, Rodney.
32:06Night, Cassandra.
32:07Good night, Emma.
32:08Love you.
32:09Good night.
32:10Good night.
32:11Look, I'm sorry about Mickey.
32:12Don't be silly.
32:13We all have friends who are over the top, shall we say?
32:14Yeah.
32:15He's probably still upset about losing his money.
32:16How do you do that?
32:17Well, you remember when I asked you to dance?
32:18Well, I did it for a bit.
32:19Well, no, I didn't mean it like that.
32:20He said I wouldn't have the guts to ask you, but, well, I did.
32:21I get the feeling that hidden in that statement somewhere there's a compliment.
32:27Yeah, a big compliment.
32:28All right, then.
32:29I suppose we'd better be getting you back to, what was it called?
32:32The near-area stage.
32:34How do you do that?
32:35Yes?
32:36I'm sorry.
32:37Well, no, no, no.
32:38It's not a compliment.
32:39No, you're right.
32:40No, you're wrong.
32:41No, you're wrong.
32:42No.
32:43You're wrong.
32:44No, you're wrong.
32:45Well, I didn't.
32:46It's not a compliment, sir.
32:47No, you're wrong.
32:48Well, you're wrong.
32:49Well, I didn't.
32:50The near-area estate.
32:52I don't live in a near-area estate.
32:54But I thought Mickey said.
32:55Mickey lives on a near-area estate.
32:57I live near it.
32:58What, past it.
32:59What, quite a long way past it.
33:02OK.
33:13What's a lovely road you live in?
33:15Yes, it's quite nice.
33:18Oh, here we are.
33:20You lucky thing.
33:23What a great house.
33:24No, I don't notice it really, you know.
33:27Just a place to lay my head.
33:30Oh, good.
33:32My brother got the car home safely.
33:35Well, thanks for the lift, Cassandra.
33:38Pleasure.
33:39Oh, well, I'll give you my number.
33:43You can give me a ring.
33:45You know, if you like.
33:48Thanks.
33:49Well, good night.
33:52Night.
34:02Good night, Woodney.
34:05Yes, of course.
34:06Please drive away.
34:28Oh, my God.
34:37Oh, my God.
34:45Hi.
34:47Oh, hi.
34:49Hi.
34:49Please, Cassandra, go.
34:55Oh!
35:25Cosmic
35:31Cos-bloody-mic
35:52Gail
35:53What do you want to do that for, you soppy old duffer?
36:06Bloody hell, I don't realise my own strength.
36:09It's got nothing to do with your strength.
36:12I was having a few drinks earlier this evening in a very trendy wine bar
36:17with some of my yuppie friends and I happened to fall arse over head.
36:20You're going to do yourself a lot of damage, you ain't careful.
36:26I've already done myself a lot of damage.
36:28I mean, you're not eating.
36:30Eating's for wimps.
36:31And you're drinking so much you're falling down in boozes.
36:34I wasn't drinking.
36:36In fact, I was on some very trendy, funny-tasting wine with...
36:40Oh, forget it.
36:41I'm getting rid of that rubbish in the kitchen.
36:44Do you want me to chuck anything else down the chute?
36:46Not unless you're feeling in a kamikaze mood.
36:50But why don't you let me do you some grub, eh?
36:54Yeah, all right, Uncle.
36:55I'm feeling a bit hungry.
36:57Do me a health-conscious fry-up, will you?
36:59I don't care what they say, you can't whack the who.
37:26All right?
37:29What?
37:31I said, all right?
37:35Terrific.
37:38What's it like, Al?
37:42There's a few spots of rain in the air.
37:45Yeah?
37:46Might help us shift some of those raincoats, mightn't it?
37:50Well, that one's shrunk, innit?
37:54Come on, let's have it here.
37:57Did you have a good night?
37:59Not too bad.
38:00Oh, good.
38:01I stayed on at the wine bar.
38:04See, it's very nice.
38:05My sort of place, that, you know.
38:07And then I went on for a drink down by the riverside.
38:10Yeah.
38:11Actually, I, uh, it reminds me of, I met that Mickey Pearce.
38:14He came in, you know, right at the last knockings.
38:17And he told me that you'd met this posh tart and she'd given you a lift home in her flash car.
38:22That's right.
38:24Oh, she got a convertible.
38:28No.
38:30I asked her to drop me off halfway.
38:32I fancied a walk.
38:33What, in this weather?
38:34Lots of people enjoy walking in the rain.
38:38Yes, I know.
38:39But they're usually recaptured very quickly.
38:41Del?
38:46Yeah?
38:46This bottle's empty.
38:47That's all right.
38:47It's no problem.
38:48Chuck it in the rubbish.
38:53It's all right, Rod.
38:54You can't hide the truth from me.
38:55I know what happened tonight.
38:57I can read you like a book.
38:59You know nothing, Del, so keep it out.
39:01I know nothing.
39:03I know.
39:03Right.
39:04All right then, my son.
39:04Come on.
39:05Listen, I've got 20 notes here.
39:07Look, there they are.
39:08That says that I can guess what happened tonight.
39:11Go on then.
39:11You cover that.
39:12All right.
39:13Go on then.
39:15Noel, tell me.
39:17All right.
39:19That Mickey Pearce said that this Cassandra sort
39:23lived in a right nice drum.
39:26Yeah, so?
39:27So, this is what I think happened.
39:32You saw her house and the snob in you came racing to the surface
39:37and you thought, oh, how can I take her back to Nelson Mandela?
39:42Help!
39:45So, on your way home, you made her drive up some right posh road,
39:51somewhere like King's Avenue,
39:54and then you stopped at some right nice little mansion
39:58and you pretended that's where you lived.
40:02You didn't have to talk a load of rubbish.
40:04Is that the truth?
40:05Yes.
40:05Thank you very much.
40:08That's it, Rodney, you see.
40:10You're like an open book, my son.
40:12And it's thicker than my filofax.
40:14Double your money, trying to get rich.
40:23I'll file your bloody facts.
40:28Still raining?
40:30No, I took a shortcut through a car wash.
40:33All right, boy, don't have a go at me.
40:35I only asked.
40:37I'll chuck this stuff down a chute.
40:39Here you are.
40:43Dry yourself off.
40:44And don't be ashamed of where you live, Rodney.
40:46Look, I want better than this, but I'm not ashamed of it.
40:49Oh, but, Dill, you should have seen her road.
40:52There weren't one window boarded up.
40:54All the lampposts worked.
40:57I mean, what would she have thought if she'd come back here, eh?
41:00No, I'd just keep driving straight past the burnt-out panda car, Cassandra,
41:03and I'll live just before the next barricade.
41:05I don't know how you feel, Rodney.
41:09I've been through the same emotions myself.
41:11You?
41:12Yes, me.
41:13Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago,
41:15I met this bird, and, uh...
41:19Yeah, she...
41:20She was from Texas.
41:22What, the do-it-yourself place?
41:29No.
41:30No, Texas in America.
41:32Yeah, the old man was an ore baron or something.
41:35She had one of these long, double-barreled funny names,
41:37like Ellie May or something like that.
41:39Who would you meet an old baron's daughter?
41:42I was working when I was in the Tower of London.
41:45I was doing the old happy snaps, you know.
41:47Second-hand brownie, no film, pound a go, lovely jubbly.
41:50Anyway, she was there, you see,
41:52and she asked me to take a picture of her and the beefeater
41:55and one of these, um...
41:57One of these crow things, right?
41:59So, anyway, I started to chat her up, like, you know,
42:01and I offered a show around London.
42:04So, anyway, after a little while,
42:07we fell deeply in love with each other.
42:12God, what was her name now?
42:15Anyway, it doesn't matter.
42:16Anyway, you know what she said to me one day?
42:19Where's my picture?
42:21Where...
42:21No, she didn't say that, no.
42:25In fact, she paid me a very great compliment.
42:28She said, when she met me,
42:30it reminded her of the day that President Kennedy died.
42:34And that's the nicest compliment you've ever had.
42:38Yeah, but don't you see what she meant?
42:40No.
42:40Well, I like to think that she meant that
42:43everyone remembers where they were
42:46the day they met Dale Trotter.
42:51She might not have meant that.
42:53What else could she have meant?
42:54Well, I don't know.
42:56Perhaps she meant you look...
42:57Yeah, you look like Lee Harvey Oswald.
43:01I don't look like Lee Harvey bleeding Oswald!
43:04God, who's Lee Harvey Oswald?
43:06Well, he's a bloke what shot Kennedy.
43:10You look a bit like him, Dale.
43:12No, I don't.
43:13No, of course you don't.
43:14You look nothing like him.
43:15I'll get you a grub.
43:17Yeah.
43:18So, anyway, what's you and Peggy Sue
43:20got to do with me and Cassandra?
43:22Well, she wanted to see where I lived.
43:25And I had the same struggle with my conscience
43:26as you've had.
43:28I was frightened if I brought her back here,
43:29she might think less of me.
43:31So you didn't?
43:32No, I did.
43:34When?
43:35Well, it was one Sunday years ago now.
43:39Well, where was I?
43:41You was down at Mountbatten Estate
43:42selling them gas conversion kits.
43:46You bastards!
43:50You sent me all the way down here
43:52knowing I had chicken pox
43:53just so as you and Annie bloody Oakley
43:55could have a flat to yourselves.
43:57That wasn't like that, wasn't it?
43:59It wasn't like that.
43:59I was trying to present you with a challenge.
44:01What, selling gas conversion kits
44:03on an all-electric estate?
44:04That is a challenging art.
44:07No, it's all right.
44:08Listen, I'll tell you the truth.
44:10All right, so I wanted to get rid of you
44:11for a couple of hours.
44:12I mean, I was, well, you know,
44:14I was serious about her
44:15and wanted to make a good impression.
44:17And I just thought, well,
44:18bringing her back to this tower block's bad enough,
44:20but...
44:21I mean, if she saw you in that dopey shirt
44:23and all them Randolph Scots
44:25all over your face,
44:26that'd be goodnight Vienna, wouldn't it?
44:28So she'd come back here?
44:33Yeah.
44:35Gave her a pot of tea
44:36and her lion's Victoria sponge.
44:41It was very nice.
44:44Did she, you know,
44:45think anything less of you?
44:46I don't know.
44:49I never saw her again.
44:51I mean, she went home.
44:52You know, her holiday had finished.
44:54Did she write to you?
44:58God, blimey, look at it.
44:59He's bucking him down out there.
45:00Look, isn't it, eh?
45:01Here you are, dear boy.
45:04Oi,
45:04some little bird phoned for you
45:06about 15 minutes ago.
45:08I think she'd been on drugs.
45:10She said,
45:11you left your coat
45:11in the back of her car
45:12and she's taken it back
45:14to your house
45:14in the Kings Avenue.
45:17People there
45:18had never heard of you.
45:21You cunning git!
45:22No, no, no!
45:23Oh, no, no!
45:23Give me that money, Pat!
45:24No, no, no!
45:25Stop it!
45:25Now, stop it!
45:28Now, now, calm down.
45:30You've learnt
45:31a very valuable lesson tonight,
45:32haven't you?
45:33Don't gamble!
45:35Cos you never know
45:35when the cards are stacked.
45:37I said,
45:38of course they'd never heard of him.
45:39He don't live
45:40in the Kings Avenue.
45:41He lives on an Iwery estate.
45:44You told her where I lived?
45:48Well,
45:49then goes another dream.
45:50No,
45:51ain't necessarily so, bruv.
45:52It ain't necessarily so.
45:55So she phoned up,
45:56left her phone number
45:58and said that she'd be there
45:59till midnight
45:59so you could phone her back.
46:01You're kidding.
46:02She said she wants to hear
46:04from you tonight
46:04because she's going out
46:06to Moritz
46:06to buy a couple of tickets
46:07for some pop concert.
46:08Oh.
46:09I bet it's
46:10wet, wet, wet.
46:16Yeah, I'll bet.
46:17Oh, cheers, Dale.
46:19Oi, what's your number?
46:20In my file effect.
46:24Jeez!
46:24I'll see you next time.
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