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Tv, Only Fools And Horses S07E06 - Three Men, A Woman And A Baby.
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10Cause if you are the besters
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:26But here's the one who's driving me berserk
00:29Why do only fours and horses work
00:33La la la la, la la la la, la la la la
00:38La la la la la, la la la la
00:42La la la la la, la la la, la la la
00:44Elba!
00:46Oh!
00:56Oh my God, it's curry
00:57Oh, so you finally decided to get up, did you?
01:03You still a vegetarian?
01:05Yes
01:06Pity they didn't make booze out of animals
01:08Then maybe you wouldn't get hangover
01:10Where is everyone?
01:14Well, Raquel's still in bed
01:15And Del went to work about six o'clock this morning
01:18But it's Sunday, don't you ever have a day off?
01:21He's a yuppie, isn't he?
01:22As he said
01:23The business world never sleeps
01:26New York Stock Exchange closes
01:29Tokyo opens
01:30Del's got to keep his finger on the pulse
01:32Oh, terrific
01:33Yeah
01:34So where's he gone?
01:35Pedicote Lane
01:36He's got to pick some gear up for a mate
01:41You any at, bear?
01:44You were very depressed when you come in last night
01:47Yeah, well that might have something to do with the fact that my marriage is in tatters
01:50And I lost the best job I ever had
01:52Well, you're working for Del boy now, aren't you?
01:54Exactly
01:54Wouldn't you be depressed?
01:56If I'd stayed with Cassandra's dad
01:58I could have been running that firm in a couple of years
02:00Yeah
02:00But one day Del's going to retire
02:03And Trotter's independent traders will be all yours
02:06I know
02:07Bloody hell
02:09I wish there was something, anything on the horizon that could raise my spirits
02:15Well, Del and Raquel's baby's going to be born soon
02:18Oh God, I'd forgotten about that
02:20Well, that's a reason for celebration, isn't it?
02:23Well, for you, Del and Raquel, maybe, yeah
02:26But what about me?
02:27What chance am I going to have?
02:29Do you realise by the time I'm 45, son of Del will be 16?
02:33And that'll be it, won't it?
02:34I can hear him now
02:35I've got a good idea, Uncle Rodney
02:37I'll go and buy a load of old crap
02:39And you can go out and sell it for me
02:40Because you see, that way, Uncle Rodney
02:45I'll have lots of money and a wide-awake suit
02:47And you won't have a pot to piss in
02:49And the really frightening thing is
02:53I'm going to fall for it
02:55Well, that's stupid
02:57It might not be a boy
02:58Oh, no
02:59No, it is a boy
03:00Rosemary's baby was on telly the other night
03:04That's Del and Raquel to a tee
03:06I tell you, in a couple of weeks' time
03:08We will be awoken by the cries of our own bonnie-bouncing antichrist
03:12They're bound to call it Damien, you know
03:15They were thinking of calling it Rodney
03:19Rodney
03:20Poor little sod
03:23Morning
03:25Morning
03:26Oh, hello, lad
03:27Del's not back yet
03:28Do you fancy a cup of tea?
03:30Oh, please, Albert
03:31Right
03:32Oh, sorry
03:33I feel exhausted
03:35He was moving around all night long
03:37Yeah, he's always the same after a curry
03:39The baby
03:43Sorry
03:44Hey
03:46Oh, I see
03:48The old creature from the Black Lagoon has risen from its pit, I see
03:52Adele, that's no way to talk to the mother of your child
03:55Watch it, Rodney
03:57You all right, sweetheart?
03:58Yeah, I'm okay
03:59Right, now, then, guess what I've got here
04:00No, go on
04:01Ta-da
04:02Ha-ha
04:03Wigs
04:04You know that, uh, Mustafa from the Bangladeshi butchers down the road
04:11Right, well, his nephew works in a top London West End wig makers
04:16Now, according to Wim, they do all the top stars
04:20They do, you know, Jane Fonda, Sophia Loren, Anita Dobson
04:24Oh, yeah
04:25The lot
04:26And he gets these at 25% of the retail price
04:3125% of the retail price?
04:33That's right
04:33It's a concession to employees
04:35And I've sold them all
04:36All the old tarts down in Ag's Head have been waiting weeks for these to come in
04:40I've been inundated with advanced orders
04:44So, you're back, Del
04:45Fancy a bit of breakfast?
04:47Yes
04:47Uh, make me a non-vegetarian bacon sandwich, will you, Al?
04:53What are you doing today, then, Rodney?
04:55Eh?
04:55Greenpeace rally?
04:57Releasing a few nut cutlets, or what?
05:01Del, just because I've become concerned about the welfare of our planet
05:04There's no need to take the rise out of me
05:06Ever since you've become a vegetarian, you've become a right miserable git
05:09There's nothing wrong with being vegetarian, Del
05:12No, that's right
05:13One in five people in this country now refuse to eat meat
05:16Mickey Pierce is a vegetarian
05:18It's only because he got the sack from the world of leather
05:21No, a bloke needs a bit of stodge and fat to solid things up
05:29Any doctor will tell you that
05:31All these carrots and cabbage cobblers
05:33No wonder you're so depressed
05:35You've got to pick yourself up and look around all the things you've got in life
05:38You name me one thing that I, not you, me, Rodney Trotter, has got to look forward to
05:44You're taking Cassandra to Hampton Court this afternoon?
05:47Oh, cosmic
05:48A castle and a maze, yeah
05:51I just love looking at old suits of armour then getting lost, don't I?
05:55Oh, shut up, you miserable little tart
05:57I am depressed because of the state of my life at the moment
06:01I've got this horrible feeling that if there is such a thing as reincarnation
06:04Knowing my luck, I'll come back as me
06:06Hey Trigger, see if you can find out what the name in the baby will you
06:20Why?
06:22Why?
06:23Because I'm not allowed to go in for my own competition, that's why
06:25But I'll let you enter and then we'll go halves on the winnings
06:29Leave it to me, Mike
06:30All right, Dave
06:35All right, Trigger
06:40Have they thought of a name for the baby yet?
06:43Yeah, well, if it's a girl, the girl wants to call it Sigourney after the actress Sigourney Weaver
06:48And what if it's a boy?
06:51Well, if it's a boy, he wants to call it Rodney
06:53Yeah?
06:55Who after?
07:02After me, Trigger
07:04Oh
07:05All right, girl
07:11All right, Trigger
07:13All right, Trigger
07:14Hey, all right, girls?
07:18Here
07:18Got them wigs you ordered?
07:20Albert's bringing them in from the bank
07:21Son?
07:22Son?
07:23What?
07:25What name have they decided on?
07:28If it's a girl, they're calling her Sigourney after an actress
07:31And if it's a boy, they're naming him Rodney after Dave
07:36Brilliant, Trigger
07:40What here?
07:42Albert
07:42Here, no, come here
07:43Just put that box down here next to Rodney for a minute, will ya?
07:46All right?
07:47So how'd your day out with Cassandra go?
07:50Don't ask, all right?
07:50Just do not ask
07:51All right, what happened?
07:54All right, I'll tell ya
07:55Cassandra told me it is all over between us
07:59Oh
07:59Me and Cassandra are no longer an item
08:02Me and Cassandra are no more
08:04Me and Cassandra are finito
08:06I just don't understand her anymore
08:09Now I know the feelings, son
08:11Yeah, when you and Cassandra first met
08:14What was the big attraction?
08:17I don't know
08:17Lust, I suppose
08:19She struck me as that sort
08:22I was talking about me
08:26I know you were
08:29I was just trying to have a little joke with ya
08:31Yeah, well I'm getting a joke in the morning
08:33All right, Rodney
08:34How'd you get on that Hampton Court?
08:36I'm going to talk about it
08:37Well, what happened?
08:38Cassandra gave me the elbow in the maze
08:40Oh, that sounds painful
08:41Gave me the elbow in the maze
08:44Oh, come on
08:46Cheer up, Rodney
08:46There's plenty more fish in the sea, isn't there?
08:48It's not as simple as that, Dill
08:49That girl left a mark on me
08:51Yeah, so did your smallpox jab
08:53This is none of my business, Rodney
08:56And you can tell me to keep me nose out, if you like
08:58Keep your nose out, mate
08:59But I was married once, mate
09:01I know what it's like
09:02I know what you're going through, mate
09:03Now you listen to the man, Rodney
09:05His wife chucked him in years ago
09:07Yeah, you don't want to take too much notice
09:09Of things that are said in the heat of an argument
09:10She said I refuse to adapt to married life
09:14Said I always wanted to carry on
09:15Doing the same things I'd always done
09:17Yeah
09:17What do you say to that?
09:18Well, I said I don't want to discuss it, Cassandra
09:20I'm going down the next edge
09:21I remember me and my missus
09:25I had 18 blissfully at the years
09:28And then I met her
09:29Yeah
09:29Do you find your way out of the maze, all right, Dave?
09:40No, I'm still in there, Trey
09:41I couldn't find my way out of there once
09:46You couldn't find your way in there once
09:48I was with this bird
09:50We had a right row
09:52She wanted to go to the left
09:54And I wanted to go to the right
09:55No, I tell her like
09:58She wanted to go to the right
10:00And I wanted to go to the...
10:01Trigger!
10:03Me and Cassandra are intelligent people, right?
10:05We do not have rows about
10:06Which is the quickest way out of a maze
10:08God, I've never felt so depressing on me life
10:12It's all right, all right
10:13Now, come on, Rodney
10:14Don't be like that
10:15No, I just want to be left on you
10:17No, no, Rodney
10:18Sit down, sit down
10:18That's the worst thing you can...
10:20Moments like this
10:22You need people around you
10:24Well, I just say stupid things about lust and mazes
10:27Never give up on people, Rodney
10:30I know sometimes I don't seem to understand
10:33But when you're in trouble
10:34And you cry out for help
10:35That's when it's important
10:37I mean, you take, well
10:38Trigger's cousin, Cyril
10:40Now, he had, what?
10:41Well, he owed 500 quid or something
10:43On his mortgage, didn't he, Trigg?
10:44Yeah
10:44He was going to be thrown out on the street
10:46The following day
10:47He was very worried about it
10:48What happened then, Trigg?
10:50He drove out to Beachy Head
10:52He parked about five foot from the edge of the cliff
10:55No
10:55What?
10:56What, he was going to drive off here?
10:57Yeah
10:58He just sat there for two hours
11:00His head resting on the steering wheel
11:02People tried to talk him out of it
11:05But he was too depressed to listen
11:06And this is the thing, Rodney
11:08This is what I mean about people
11:10You see, because those people there
11:12They had a whip round
11:13And they got him his 500 quid
11:15Who rode the whip round?
11:19All the passengers on his bus
11:20You see, Rodney
11:28There's always something to look forward to
11:31You've just got to be patient, bruv
11:32That's all
11:32In the meantime
11:33See if you can flog some of them syrups
11:35Mike
11:36Do us a chip sandwich, will you?
11:38Yeah
11:38Do you want sauce on it, Del?
11:39Yes, please
11:40Brown or red?
11:41Yeah, both
11:41Er, Del?
11:45Yeah
11:45These wigs
11:46Did your contact say anything about
11:49The Gene Shrimpton style
11:51Or the urchin dog?
11:52No
11:53He just said there was wigs
11:54It was awkward
11:54You were right, Del
12:01He's cheered up already
12:02What are you laughing at?
12:11I don't know
12:12Oh, hurry up, Mustafa
12:21You'll still be able to sell them, Del
12:24How?
12:26I don't know
12:26Are you dares wins?
12:28Don't give you all that old pony
12:35Oh, hello
12:36Is that the mosque?
12:39Don't believe it
12:40He's phoned a mosque
12:41Yeah, I want to speak to Mustafa
12:43About them syrups he flogged me
12:45How is he?
12:48Well, you'd better tell him
12:49When he's finished praying
12:50He'd better go in for another one
12:51Because when I get hold of him
12:54He's going to need all the help he can get
12:55Dear
12:56I was going to flog him
12:59All those hooky cat Stephen LPs
13:01You can forget all that, I'll tell you
13:04I was all the shouting
13:06Del's had a bit of trouble
13:08With them wigs he bought
13:09What sort of trouble?
13:10Oh, they're bloke's wigs
13:12Bloke's?
13:15Yes, they're men's syrups
13:17This is not funny, Rodney
13:19All right, Del, all right
13:21Keep your hair on
13:22But don't you start, sweetheart
13:27Now you're going to get rid of these things, look
13:30A lot of bald blokes come out of that building in Arnold Road
13:33That's the Harry Krishna temple
13:36Here, look at all this stuff
13:41Look here, look
13:41We've even got men's ponytails here, look
13:44All right, I'll tell you what, Robbie
13:46I will handle the telephone sales campaign
13:50And you will go round the pubs
13:52And see if you can flog a few there
13:53In the pub?
13:56How am I supposed to go up to a bald bloke in a pub
13:58And say, do you want to buy a wig?
13:59I'll get my face smashed in
14:00Well, either improve your sales technique
14:04Or learn to duck
14:05Hello, Gordon
14:07Hello
14:09It's Del Boy
14:10How's it going, pal?
14:13Custy
14:13Yeah, listen, Gordon
14:15Are you still bald?
14:19The oil has now sprayed over nearly 10,000 square miles of water
14:23And polluted over 700 miles of shoreline
14:26The estimated hundreds of thousands of bird casualties
14:29Include bald eagles like this one
14:31It's disgusting, isn't it?
14:32Yeah, they shouldn't put things on about dead animals
14:35When you're about to have your supper
14:36Oi
14:38I wasn't talking about the timing of the bloody programme
14:41I was talking about the damage that we have done to our planet
14:45I mean, what are we going to leave for the future generations, eh?
14:48For all the little kiddies in the infant schools
14:50For the unborn millions
14:52What, like Dylan Radcliffe's nipper?
14:55No, I wasn't actually thinking of him
14:56I mean, kids with three sixes on their heads don't count, do they?
15:00Oh, all right, Del?
15:03There's a fresh part of tea on the table
15:05Oh, right, cheers, huh?
15:07I'll get myself a cut
15:07Here, I've just been down to Raquel's antenatal classes
15:10Yeah?
15:11Yeah, oh dear
15:12Full of pregnant women, it was
15:14Everywhere you turned, there was lumps and things
15:19Why'd you have to go down there?
15:21Well, it's to get us ready for when we go into labour
15:23Showed us films on how it all happens
15:27You've already got some of them in there
15:30Not those sort of films
15:39It's films about the birth and that
15:43It's a miracle it is
15:45It is
15:46It's a 42-carat miracle
15:48Made some of the blokes feel quite ill
15:52I was all right
15:54Cos I used to run a jelly deal store
15:55So what you've got to do
16:02You know
16:03When it happens
16:04Well, basically, I've got to keep on me toes, right?
16:07Make sure the old cat pre-gear is running smoothly
16:09So I can whip Raquel down to the maternity unit a bit lively
16:12But the most important thing a father can do for the woman
16:17Is to show consideration
16:19And understanding
16:21Patience
16:24And love
16:25Well, as luck would have it
16:28I happen to be like that anyway
16:30It doesn't do any harm to be reminded
16:34So where is Raquel?
16:37Well, the lifts are broken again
16:38She's not as lively on her feet as she used to be
16:40So, how many of those wigs you sold this week, wasn't he?
16:49Well, roughly
16:50None
16:51God, dear
16:52Well, I sold two today
16:54You're kidding
16:55I met this woman down the market
16:57Her and her husband, like
16:59They work up in the hospital
17:00And apparently he's been wearing a syrup for years
17:02But last week the cat got hold of it
17:05So anyway
17:07She bought one as a surprise for him
17:09And then I went off to the nags head
17:12And sold one to Trigger
17:13He's got hair
17:19Yeah, I know that
17:20But he said he wanted one for an emergency
17:22Oh, there you are, sweetheart
17:25Ah, there you are
17:26Come on
17:27Sit yourself down
17:28No, I'll get a change out of these first
17:31You sure? All right
17:31Let's go get a cup of tea
17:32All right
17:32There you go
17:33So how'd the antenatal class go?
17:38It's the last time I take him along
17:39At the end of the class
17:41The doctor asked if there were any questions
17:43Dale put his hand up and said
17:45What time do the pubs close round here?
17:48Well, that's typical, Dale, isn't it?
17:50I mean, the world is dying
17:52And he's worried about last orders
17:53What's up, Rodney?
17:55He's been watching a green programme
17:57They were cutting a few trees down in South America
18:00Oh, so Stingy has got the hump, has he?
18:03Dale, when are people going to realise
18:04That we do not own this planet
18:06We are merely the leaseholders
18:08It is our duty to maintain our world
18:11But what are we doing, eh?
18:13We are suffocating the forest with carbon monoxide
18:16And that is causing the polar ice cap to melt
18:18Which means that the oceans will rise
18:21And the Thames will flood
18:22Like, permanently
18:23But we've still got the Thames barrier
18:25That's not going to do a lot of good
18:27Under 15 foot of water, is it?
18:29I mean, places like Deptford and Greenwich
18:31Will be submerged forever
18:33Probably only for us, though, wouldn't it?
18:37What do you mean?
18:38Well, because when we come to sell this flat
18:39We can advertise it as having sea views
18:41What a ridiculous thing to say
18:45All right, Rodney, come on
18:47What is it?
18:49What, what's really bothering you?
18:52There's so many things worrying me
18:54You know, I mean
18:56The polar cap is melting
18:58The continental shells are shifting
19:00The rainforest is dying
19:02The sea is being poisoned
19:03And I ain't had a bit for months
19:06Now that is what it's really about, ain't it, eh?
19:16You ought to think about that poor old git there
19:18Last time he had his leg over
19:25Nelson Mandela was in Ballstool
19:26Derek, please
19:32For once in your life
19:33Could you try and take something seriously?
19:38What's wrong?
19:39Rodney ain't had a bit for much
19:41Oh
19:46Blimey, the things you learn
19:53Do you realise
19:54If all my veins and arteries
19:56Were stretched out in a line
19:57They'd circle the world twice
20:00I'd like to try that one day
20:04Where's Raquel?
20:09She's, er, had a bit of a twinge
20:10So she's lying down
20:11All right
20:14Mm
20:15Better than that, Rodney
20:16I reckon we'll have a right result
20:18With these syrups
20:19Guess who I bumped into today
20:21Tony Savalas?
20:25No
20:25I bumped into that mush Stephen
20:28You know, the one that used to be
20:30Cassandra's boss at the bank
20:31The one that you smacked in the nose
20:32Oh, him
20:33Yeah, him
20:34Anyway
20:34I bumped into him down the market today
20:37You never guess what
20:38He's got one of them ponytails
20:40In his hair
20:41Yeah, and I said to him
20:42I said
20:42Oi, helmet
20:44I said
20:44What are you doing with that
20:46Davy Crockett hat on?
20:48Just to break the ice
20:50And apparently
20:51All the fashion up in the city
20:53You know, all the yuppies
20:54Are wearing them
20:55Ah, look silly on men
20:56Today
20:57The sophisticated
20:58Intelligent young men
20:59Don't mind making
20:59Prats of themselves
21:00Cos it attracts
21:03The sophisticated
21:03Intelligent young ladies
21:05Well, I can't see
21:06What the attraction is
21:07No, that's because
21:08You're a geezer, innit
21:09But if you were a career woman
21:10You'd get the hots
21:11For those things
21:12Yeah
21:13And they don't need batteries
21:14No, we're going to make a fortune
21:18On them rudders
21:19Oh, darling, you all right?
21:21Yeah, yeah, I'm okay now
21:22What do you think of Aaron?
21:24Sorry?
21:25I've been reading the baby's name book
21:27Aaron Trotter
21:29Nah, kids at school
21:30Are nicknaming him G-String
21:32Aaron a G-String
21:33Get it?
21:34That's it
21:34It's unfortunate
21:36You got off the name of Rodney
21:38Yeah
21:39Thank God
21:41Troy
21:43Troy Trotter
21:46I don't think so
21:48Why don't you just call him Damien, eh?
21:54Damien?
21:55That's nice
21:56Oh, I was just joking, wasn't it?
22:02Damien Trotter
22:03That's got a sort of ring to it, eh?
22:04No, I was just having a wind-up, that's all
22:07Why don't you call it Derek?
22:09Yes, yes, yeah
22:11Damien, Derek, Trotter
22:14You can't call him that
22:16His initials would be D-D-T
22:18There'd be no flies on him then, will there?
22:25No, I don't
22:26When I said Damien, I was just having a look
22:28What?
22:29I'm not kidding
22:29Yeah
22:29Trotter's Independent Traders
22:36Oh, it's you, Cassandra
22:39And what can I do for you?
22:44And what exactly do you want to sue me about?
22:48Yeah, well, I'll pop round and see you
22:50Well, next week, next month, who knows
22:53Thank you for calling, bye-bye
22:55It wasn't very friendly, was it?
23:06Let people know where they stand, that's my mortar
23:08Cassandra seems to think all she has to do is whistle
23:11And I'll come running
23:12I thought the least you could do is to ask how she was
23:15I'll handle this my way, Derek
23:17Thank you
23:18Thank you
23:19Well, I think I'll pop round and see you
23:25Yes, yeah, that's it, bruh
23:29You made her wait long enough
23:30Hello
23:49Hi
23:50Why didn't you use your front door key?
23:53Dunno, it didn't seem right, something
23:55Well, come in
23:57How do you have a drink?
24:11Oh, nothing alcoholic, thanks
24:13I've, uh, cleaned my act up
24:15Good
24:15Coffee will be fine
24:17So
24:20How are things with the parents-to-be?
24:24Oh, well, you know
24:25Nelson Mandela house is on Amber Alert
24:28They're all just sitting there, you know
24:32Waiting for the second coming of the Prince of Darkness
24:34I said to Dill, you know
24:39You're going to have trouble getting that kid's shoes
24:40Because mother care don't cater for clothing hooves
24:42Poor baby
24:45Yeah, poor baby nothing
24:46All the ancient prophecies are coming true, you know
24:51The satanic forces are gathering in the skies above Peckham
24:55Raquel's looking more like Mia Farrah every day
24:57So, what have you been up to then?
25:00Anything exciting?
25:01Not really
25:02I saw Stephen today
25:04Oh, yeah
25:05Do you remember Stephen?
25:06He used to work at my branch
25:07Yeah
25:08He's been moved up to head office
25:11Cosmic
25:13Do you remember you used to call him a wally?
25:16Yeah
25:16I think you were right
25:18Who's right?
25:20You'll never guess
25:21He's only got one of those silly little ponytails
25:24What a wally
25:30Looks like he's wearing a Davy Crockett hat
25:33I thought that was all the fashion though
25:38Yeah, amongst lame brains
25:40Yeah
25:42Ah
25:47Nothing
25:50Are you OK?
25:52Yeah
25:53Yeah, I'm fine
25:54Well, it's a
26:00It's a nice Sunday, wasn't it?
26:03Well, apart from the row we have in the night
26:05Yeah
26:07I was right though, wasn't I?
26:11My way out was quickest
26:13Well, I don't think so actually
26:14Cos I had a look at a map of the maze when I got home
26:16And I found
26:16Yeah
26:19Yeah, I suppose
26:20Sorry, is that what you wanted to see me about?
26:23To discuss the quickest way out of Hampton Cork, mate?
26:26No
26:26No
26:27I wanted to discuss us
26:29And what's happening to us
26:31Mummy and Daddy
26:32Well, Mummy really
26:34Insisted that I saw our solicitor for advice
26:37Getting that heavy, is it?
26:40No, it's not getting heavy
26:42It was just for advice, that's all
26:44Oh
26:45And what did your solicitor advise?
26:48Take the git for every penny he's got, I suppose
26:50Well, don't expect a check from me, Kes
26:52If you want half my estate, you can have it on a postal order
26:55He didn't say anything like that
26:58He advised us to talk
27:00Talk?
27:01That's what causes a rouse
27:03That's what I said
27:04But he advised us to try and find out why we argue every time we speak
27:09What did you tell him?
27:10It was my fault, I suppose
27:11No, I didn't
27:14I said we were both to blame
27:15He asked whether we considered adding to our numbers
27:19Something to concentrate both our attentions
27:22What, a baby?
27:26No, a dog
27:27I don't think a baby would be a good career move
27:32Yeah, but I don't like dogs
27:34Well, I don't mind them
27:35It's just when I was little, I got bitten by a Jack Russell
27:37And a sausage dog
27:41And a sort of, oh, poodle thing
27:44No, dogs just sort of bite me
27:47It's an instinct
27:48How about a cat?
27:50No, I'm allergic
27:51I come out in a rash
27:53How about a parrot?
27:54No, they take so much looking after
27:57A gerbil?
27:59No
27:59No, I can't stand furry little things that run around
28:02Make me go all funny
28:03So, we're looking for something
28:05To don't take too much looking after
28:07Isn't going to run around a lot
28:09And don't bring you out in a rash
28:11Yeah
28:11How about a tin of salmon?
28:18Don't get sarcastic, Roddy
28:20Oh, look
28:21We could give it a name
28:23Rex or something
28:24Then we could take it to the vase
28:27For its injections
28:28And we could, you know
28:31Put a bit of string round it
28:32Take it for a walk
28:33Every evening
28:33And it wouldn't take much training, would it?
28:37We could just threaten it with a tin-ipener
28:38See what I mean?
28:40We tried to talk
28:42And you've just gone ridiculous again
28:44It was just because you put an obstacle
28:45In front of every good idea
28:46I was perfectly happy with the dog
28:49Just because you've been bitten
28:50Three or four times
28:51You dismissed the idea
28:52All right, let's get a dog
28:54Let's get a boberman
28:56Let the sod rip me limbs off
28:58And drip me back
28:58I don't care as long as you happen
29:00At this moment in time
29:01That would make me ecstatic, Roddy
29:03Right
29:05Fine
29:06I'm going down the necks
29:08I'm going down the necks
29:09Look, Cass
29:14We really ought to try harder
29:17To make this work
29:18If not for us
29:20Then
29:20For our tin of salmon
29:23I'll burn you
29:27All right
29:29Just stay cool
29:43It's not a mouse
29:48What is it then?
29:50It's the
29:51It's a rat
29:55You're brightening
29:58Get rid of it, Roddy
30:00Please
30:00I can't
30:01I can't
30:02You sure you don't want to keep it
30:04It's a pet
30:04Oh, get rid of it
30:05All right
30:06Do you want a broom to hit it with?
30:09No, it's all right
30:10I've got me hands
30:11Oh
30:12Go
30:15Go
30:16You know, he's a strong'un
30:18He's struggling, look
30:21You sure you don't want to keep it
30:25It's a pet
30:26Roddy
30:27It's all right
30:28I've got it
30:29Come on
30:29And away
30:30I threw it out of the random window
30:38I think I killed it
30:39Oh
30:40Oh, Roddy
30:42It's all right
30:43It's all right
30:45I'm here
30:47Oh, no
31:05Me wig's going bald
31:07Well, this is going to take a bit of creative salesmanship, this, isn't it?
31:14I know
31:14I know what I say
31:15I say it's the Bruce Willis look
31:17Yeah
31:18During the war
31:20Dale
31:21We'd better go
31:22Yes, I think you're right
31:23Good night, Albert
31:24Good night
31:25I'm not to bed
31:26To the hospital
31:27Started
31:28Are you sure?
31:29Yes
31:29I've been timing the contractions
31:31We'd better go
31:32The baby's on its way
31:33Do something, Dale
31:34Just sit there
31:36Calm down
31:36Calm down
31:37What are we going to do?
31:38Calm down
31:39Calm someone
31:40There's a baby on its way
31:42Please do calm down
31:43And listen to me
31:44Now, I want you to go into my bedroom
31:46You'll find a leather look flight bag
31:48It contains all of Raquel's hospital things
31:50You go and get it
31:51Take it downstairs
31:52To my Capri gear
31:53All right
31:54All right, Dale
31:54I'll go and get it
31:55You go
31:56What's it look like?
31:57Well, it looks like a fridge
31:59It's a bag, isn't it, you old dick
32:02Now, go off
32:03Aye, aye, Dale
32:03Leave me the meat
32:04All right, sweetheart
32:05All right
32:06Nice and calm
32:07Nice and calm
32:08Nice and calm
32:08Like they showed us in the hospital
32:10All right
32:11Help me with you, hurry up
32:12Hello
32:24Yes, Cassandra
32:25It's Del Boy
32:26Oh, what do you want, Del?
32:28It's 11.30
32:29I'm sorry to wake you, sweetheart
32:30Come on, get down there
32:31I'm trying to find Rodney
32:33Oh, Rodney
32:34Oh, he was here earlier
32:35But he left about an hour ago
32:37What's wrong?
32:39It's nothing
32:39It's just that, uh, Raquel
32:41Raquel's gonna give birth to our baby
32:42Have the labour pains started?
32:45Yeah
32:45Oh, um, you'll phone me
32:48As soon as the baby's born, won't you?
32:50Yes, of course I will, sweetheart
32:51It's just that I
32:52I wanted Rodney to be there
32:54Here, sweetheart
32:54I'll take your coat
32:55Listen, I'll give you a bell
32:57As soon as I'll get some news
32:59Bonjour
33:00Okay, and give Raquel my love
33:02Tell her I'll be in to see her soon
33:03Yes, I will
33:04And give Rodney a nudge
33:06And tell him to get his arse down the hospital
33:08All right, Del
33:10Del wants you with him
33:13Oh, that's ridiculous
33:15Never heard of the uncle being at the birth before
33:17He doesn't want you in the delivery room
33:19Just at the hospital with him
33:20No, you don't know him like I do
33:22He'll have me holding her leg in the air or something
33:24Get your clothes
33:26Cass, I'm comfy here
33:29Here's your trousers
33:31Oh, God, it's a full moon
33:34Son of Del is being born on a full moon
33:38I knew it
33:40I bloody knew it
33:42A couple of hours from now
33:44You won't be able to sleep for the sound of howling
33:46Oh, don't be so silly
33:47Now, where are the keys to the van?
33:49Oh, where's me crucifix?
33:50That's what I want to know
33:51Oh, look, Roddy
33:57It's that rat you killed earlier
33:59Doesn't it look like a clip-on ponytail when you get close up?
34:04Oh, now, listen
34:06I never said it was a rat
34:07You liar
34:08No, I said it looked like a rat
34:11And it did, didn't it?
34:12I mean, you thought it was a mouse
34:13Where'd you get it from?
34:17I was going to wear it as a joke
34:18Must have fallen out of my pocket
34:20I could report you to the police
34:23You took advantage of me
34:24Twice
34:25Oh, no
34:26If the case goes to court
34:29Would you say three times?
34:31You're not a lawyer on the way to the hospital
34:33It will save the ambulance a journey
34:35Oh, now, come on, Cass
34:36Pack it in
34:37I've got a brother about to give birth
34:38All right, sweetheart
34:44The nurse has gone to get the delivery team
34:46You've had your enema
34:48Everything's going for me to count
34:50You're going to stay here, aren't you, Del?
34:52Dugger running off and leaving me
34:53No, I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart
34:55I'm staying here with you
34:56Are those the specialists, Rudley?
35:12No, they've just come back from a fancy dress party
35:14To the specialists
35:16All right
35:19Good
35:20Who is it?
35:21Friend or enema?
35:24Friend or enema?
35:26Shut up, Del
35:27Yeah, shut up, Del
35:29It's all right, Don
35:30I'll go and see who it is
35:31You stay there, all right?
35:33Oh, yeah
35:33Your specialists are on their way, Del
35:35Thanks, Hank
35:36You go and sit down now
35:37Go on
35:37Go on
35:38That's it
35:38Hold their ear
35:39Now, here they come
35:40That's it, thank you
35:41Oh, excuse me, excuse me, John
35:42We're having a baby in here
35:43Oh, that's why I'm here
35:45What are you, a pervo or something?
35:47This is Mr McCullum
35:48He's the midwife
35:50It's a blow
35:51I'm a trained midwife
35:53Now, please
35:54Get out of my way
35:55Just let him do his job, Del
35:57No, he's a blow
35:58I don't care if he's a trained chimp
36:00Get out of his way
36:01All right, all right
36:03Go on
36:03Well, you just watch it, though, will you, please?
36:05Calm down, calm down
36:06Remember your blood pressure
36:07How are you feeling, Raquel?
36:09Not too bad at the moment
36:10Have we timed the contractions?
36:12Three minutes
36:13Is that good?
36:14Yes, that's good
36:15Cush, D
36:15Would you set the monitor up?
36:17Nurse, the gas and air
36:19What's that thing for?
36:22It monitors the baby's heartbeat
36:23Oh
36:24Lovely jubbly
36:26It's going to be a boy on the 90s
36:32Can't be sure of anything, son
36:35No, it's a boy
36:37Mars and something else
36:41Have come into conjunction
36:42And decided that he
36:44Would be born in Peckham
36:47I've got the baby's heartbeat
36:51I've got the baby's heartbeat
36:52Half an hour's time
36:54I'll have the bestest knees up
36:55Our family's ever known
36:56Is everything all right, Del?
36:58Yes, I'm everything
36:59It's absolutely fine
37:00The baby's fine
37:00Raquel is fine
37:0148 hours' time
37:03We'll be going back to our flat
37:04With another addition
37:05To the Trotter family
37:06Oi, Del
37:07I said anything about the sex?
37:10I'll give her time, Rodney
37:11Mum
37:14How much longer is he going to take?
37:35It's all right, sweetheart
37:35He'll take as long as he needs to take
37:38Wants to make sure
37:40That he gets everything just right
37:42Doesn't he?
37:43Because he's a perfectionist
37:44Like his dad
37:46I was talking about the midwife
37:48Oh, I see
37:49Oi, you, pal
37:50How much longer is this going to take?
37:52Nature will run its course, Mr Trotter
37:54When baby's ready to put in an appearance
37:57He'll let us know
37:58Push your tail
37:59Push your tail
38:00Give it a ring, you got it
38:04Don't you ever come near me again, Trotter
38:11There's no need to be like that, sweetheart
38:14I suppose they're all like this, are they?
38:17No
38:17Can't get the guests in here
38:20What?
38:33Look at that
38:34Rick, I can see his head
38:36What does he say?
38:38He's got a full head of hair
38:40Some bloody spit
38:45I'll, er...
38:51Stop up
38:51Push in
39:04That's it
39:07Come on, Raquel, give it some welly girl
39:27Okay, relax
39:30Shouldn't be too long now, Raquel
39:32The contractions are becoming more frequent
39:33I know, I'm the one having the contractions
39:35Would you let go of my leg, Del?
39:38It's all right, so sweet, huh?
39:40Do you like some gasoline?
39:41No, thank you
39:42Oh, well...
39:42Really good thing
39:44Deep up, Rico
39:47It's good stuff, this
39:51Better not tell Rodney about it
39:54Oh, no
39:56There's another one
39:58Push hard, there's a good job
39:59Del, can I hold your hand?
40:01Yes, yes, of course you can, sweet heart
40:02Go on
40:02Shhh...
40:03Shhh...
40:04Steady on, Raquel, steady on
40:07Yes, it did a bit, sweet heart
40:32Now you know what it's bloody well like
40:34It's, er, giving birth ain't all that it's cracked up to be, is it?
40:39Oh, cool
40:40Breathe easily
40:41I see, Dad
40:42Now relax
40:45Breathe easily
40:46Breathe easily, breathe easily, Raquel
40:47Now it's four
40:49Four
40:51Four
40:52I can see his head
40:53Raquel, can you see his head?
40:54That's very good
40:56The head in position
40:57I can see his head
40:58I can see his head, Raquel
41:00I can see his head
41:01What do you mean, is it, you know, normal?
41:06What do you mean, normal?
41:07Of course it's normal, I mean, it's just a, just a head
41:10There aren't any sort of numbers on it
41:13Numbers?
41:14What are you talking about, Rodney?
41:15What do you think this is, a bloody raffle?
41:18Sit, Raquel
41:19Push, push
41:20Go on
41:21There we are, the head's out
41:22Relax now
41:23Just relax for a minute
41:25Sit, Raquel
41:26Push, push
41:27Go on
41:28There we are, the head's out
41:31Relax now
41:32Just relax for a minute
41:34Wipe her down
41:35She's gone
41:36Raquel
41:37Come on
41:38Oh, jeez, right
41:39He's got a little
41:40He's got a little nose
41:42He's got a little nose
41:43He's got little ears
41:45Come on, him
41:46Come on now
41:47One more push
41:49That's it then
42:03It's all over
42:08Well, that's me, I think
42:10Don't you want to see the baby?
42:12No, I'm not fast
42:13I can see you tomorrow, can't I?
42:14Joe won't like it if you go
42:16It's important to him that you stay here, Rodney
42:18Yeah
42:19It's a baby, Raquel
42:41I've been wondering what that swelling was
42:46Have we got ourselves a lovely little baby?
42:50Oh, no
42:53I love you
42:54I love you too, sweetheart
42:56Look
43:02Have they done it?
43:05Who have they bloody done it?
43:08Congratulations, son
43:09What is it, Del?
43:11It's a little baby, Raquel
43:14Is it a boy or a girl?
43:18Oh, no
43:19Hang on
43:20Is it a boy or a girl?
43:29It's a boy.
43:32I'll tell you what, he won't be frightened to get changed in the showers.
43:40It's a boy!
43:50Well, Mr Trotter, if he keeps you awake at night, don't bring him back to us.
43:58Thanks, sister. Keep me awake as long as he likes.
44:02Thanks, Doc.
44:03My pleasure. And, uh, sorry about this.
44:07That's all right. Here, listen. If you like, I'll get you a real good'un.
44:09They normally retail a hundred quid up west. To you, nothing.
44:12No, really. I don't think I'll bother any more. Congratulations.
44:16Thanks very much.
44:18Oh, he's gorgeous.
44:20Yeah.
44:21Look at that little face.
44:22Yeah.
44:24Yeah.
44:25You wouldn't look down there. He's got no worries.
44:28You say so, Del.
44:30Yes.
44:31I'll bet you wouldn't say no to a cup of tea.
44:34Yeah, not half.
44:36Would you like one, love?
44:39Yeah, okay, I'll borrow it all, will you, sweetheart?
44:41Thanks.
44:43Yeah.
44:45I'll give Rodney an helper.
44:49Yeah.
44:49Rodney, Albert, come on, come on, come on.
44:54Here, cover yourself up, sweetheart. You won't catch cold.
44:58Here you are, look.
45:00Now, then.
45:01Here.
45:03Give it to me, sweetheart.
45:05Come on, then, come on.
45:07Look, give me, give me him.
45:09There he is.
45:10Rodney, Albert, let me introduce you to Damien.
45:17Come on, come on.
45:26Come on, Amy.
45:26Yeah.
45:29Yes.
45:30Got your eyes, Del.
45:32Yeah.
45:33Yeah.
45:34You want to see him down now?
45:38Yeah.
45:38Come on, you come with me for a minute.
45:40Come on.
45:41Yeah, he's a good boy.
45:42Okay.
45:42Hey, old mum.
45:56I know you can see us.
45:59Here he is, look.
46:00Your first grandchild.
46:01And last.
46:04And last.
46:07Oh, you are such a lucky little boy.
46:12You really are.
46:15You've got a mummy and daddy who think you're the most precious thing in the whole wide world.
46:21You've got a lovely family around you.
46:24You have.
46:25Yes, you have, look.
46:27See that?
46:28You've got your uncle Rodney there to play with.
46:32Great Uncle Albert.
46:34He'll tell you about all the places in the world he's been to.
46:38Been sunk.
46:43It's me.
46:45And you're going to have all the things your daddy couldn't afford.
46:50Because I've been a bit of a dreamer, you know.
46:53Yeah, I have.
46:55I mean, you know, I wanted to do things and be someone.
46:59But I never heard what he'd talk.
47:03You're different.
47:05You're going to live my dreams for me.
47:08And you're going to do all the things that I wanted to do.
47:10And you've got to come back and you're going to tell me about them.
47:13Tell me if they're as good as I thought they'd be.
47:15Oh, you're going to have such fun.
47:19You are.
47:21And then when you get the hump, because you're bound to get the hump sometimes,
47:27I muck about and make you laugh.
47:28Because I've mucked about all my life.
47:33And I never knew the reason why until now.
47:37This is what it's all about.
47:40I was born for this moment.
47:44Yes.
47:46Oh, we're going to have such fun.
47:49We are.
47:49You mark my words.
47:50This time next year.
47:57I'll be millionaires.
47:58Yes.
47:58We're going to have such fun.
48:28No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
48:34You mark your wife, and get your book.
48:38We'll rip the prices and a stroke.
48:43God bless Hooky Street.
48:46Viva Hooky Street.
48:49Long live Hooky Street.
48:52Same and defeat Hooky Street.
48:55Magnifique Hooky Street.
48:59Hooky Street.
49:02Hooky Street.
49:05Hooky Street.
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