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Tv, Only Fools and Horses S06E08 Rodney Come Home
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00:00:00Stick a pony in me pocket
00:00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:00:13But you don't ask questions
00:00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:00:24And the tides of the sea
00:00:26But is the one who's driving me berserk
00:00:29Why do only foes and horses work
00:00:33La la la la
00:00:34La la la la la
00:00:36La la la la la
00:00:38La la la la la
00:00:40La la la la la
00:00:42I wish Rodney was still working with you.
00:00:44So do I.
00:00:45Your suitcase is giving me back, ain't it?
00:00:47And your moanings are giving me heartache.
00:00:50I'll talk with this country.
00:00:52Did you? How'd you get on?
00:00:55What are we waiting for?
00:00:56I'll tell you what we are waiting for.
00:01:02Security people, they change shifts, don't they, at 12 o'clock.
00:01:05And the new lot always start on the bottom floor
00:01:07Which gives us a chance to flog up here on the top floor, don't it?
00:01:11Right? Come on, pick it up.
00:01:12Chop, chop, off you go.
00:01:13What you got in this suitcase, then? Hook it here. Hook it.
00:01:17How dare you?
00:01:19I don't deal in stuff like that.
00:01:21Well, not since I met Raquel.
00:01:24I wouldn't get her involved in anything like that.
00:01:27So what you worried about?
00:01:29I'll tell you what I am worried about.
00:01:31I'm an unlicensed trader, aren't I, eh?
00:01:35Many, many moons ago,
00:01:37A local magistrate and I had a sort of misunderstanding.
00:01:41And he took the law in his own hands
00:01:43And banned every council in London
00:01:45From issuing me with a trader's license.
00:01:47So now I've got to flog where and when I can.
00:01:50Well, can I go and get something to eat?
00:01:52No, you cannot.
00:01:54You're going to be my lookout.
00:01:56Anyway, Raquel's going to make us something to eat later when we get home.
00:01:58But I'm hungry now.
00:02:01Oh, God, Benny.
00:02:03All right.
00:02:05So here you go.
00:02:06Go and get us a couple of hamburgers, will you?
00:02:08What? No, thank you.
00:02:10I'm taking no chances.
00:02:12Say I caught mad cow disease.
00:02:14Don't worry about that.
00:02:15Who the hell is going to notice?
00:02:28I'm taking no chances.
00:02:58Michelle.
00:03:06Are you going to the hamburger bar in the precinct during your lunch hour?
00:03:09No.
00:03:13Michelle, you're new here
00:03:14And I don't think you've fully got the gist of my question.
00:03:18You see, I am the head of the computer section
00:03:21And you are the secretary to the head of the computer section.
00:03:25So when the head of the computer section asks the secretary to the head of the computer section
00:03:29whether she is going to the hamburger bar in the precinct,
00:03:32What the head of the computer section is saying is go to the hamburger bar in the precinct during your lunch hour
00:03:39because the head of the computer section is starving bloody hungry.
00:03:43You want me to go to the hamburger bar?
00:03:45Yes.
00:03:46If it's not too much trouble,
00:03:49I fancied a juiciest, greasiest hamburger they got on offer.
00:03:52Mr. Coleman from Classic Curtains is coming in to see you in a little while.
00:03:55Yes, I know.
00:03:57That is why I cannot get out during the lunch hour
00:03:59and I need food bringing in.
00:04:01No, what I'm trying to say is
00:04:02do you want to invite Mr. Coleman, an important client
00:04:06into an office that stinks to high heaven of fried onions and grease?
00:04:10Michelle, my office...
00:04:13Thanks very much, Michelle.
00:04:21Don't carry on with whatever you're doing.
00:04:24They look very nice.
00:04:27You make Freddy Krueger dead jealous.
00:04:28She's got bags of food.
00:04:56My mugger.
00:04:58You ready then?
00:05:03No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:05:04No.
00:05:06Selling is all about timing, isn't it?
00:05:09Haven't you seen one of them nature programmes,
00:05:11you know, on the BBC with that Richard Attenborough?
00:05:14You know the one where you see the lion,
00:05:15like, lying in the undergrowth,
00:05:17watching as a flock of antelope go by?
00:05:21Well,
00:05:23they,
00:05:23they are my antelope.
00:05:27I'd like the lion,
00:05:30I know when the time is right.
00:05:33I instinctively know the optimum moment in which to make my move.
00:05:36and then and only then
00:05:39will I strike.
00:05:42Yeah.
00:05:45Doing the war.
00:05:45There we go, then.
00:05:46You better get into your look-out position.
00:05:52Over there, all right?
00:05:53So what do you want me to do?
00:05:55What do you mean,
00:05:56what do I want you to do?
00:05:58Well, you're a look-out,
00:05:59aren't you?
00:05:59So, you know,
00:05:59you look out,
00:06:00don't you?
00:06:00Oh, man,
00:06:01if I see the security bloats coming,
00:06:04what should I say?
00:06:05I don't particularly mind what you say.
00:06:08You can say,
00:06:09thar she blows,
00:06:10ship ahoy,
00:06:11or man overboard,
00:06:12for all I care.
00:06:14As long as I don't get my collar felt.
00:06:17Stone me,
00:06:18this hands-on management lark
00:06:20gives me the right ump sometimes.
00:06:22Come on,
00:06:23let's have that up here.
00:06:24That's it.
00:06:26Should do all right with this stuff.
00:06:27They'll be falling over themselves
00:06:28to get at this top-quality gear.
00:06:34Yeah, thanks a lot.
00:06:36Well, give us about ten minutes,
00:06:37because you're just finishing her coffee.
00:06:38All right?
00:06:39Cheers.
00:06:41Your van awaits.
00:06:42Oh, thanks.
00:06:43So, you and Del
00:06:44still coming around for dinner next week?
00:06:46So long as it's still all right
00:06:46with you and Cassandra.
00:06:47Yeah,
00:06:48been looking forward to it.
00:06:49Sorry he's playing so long
00:06:50to invite you.
00:06:51Well, he was going to pop round
00:06:53and say hello,
00:06:53you know,
00:06:54because Del said
00:06:54he was back in town
00:06:55and living with...
00:06:56living, um...
00:06:58staying
00:06:59at the flat with him.
00:07:00And Albert.
00:07:02So,
00:07:03when did you get back?
00:07:04A couple of weeks ago.
00:07:05I was over in America
00:07:06having a great time
00:07:07and I suddenly thought...
00:07:08What?
00:07:08Hold on.
00:07:09You was in America?
00:07:10Didn't Del say?
00:07:11Oh.
00:07:12Oh, it was wonderful.
00:07:14We were doing this tour
00:07:15of My Fair Lady
00:07:16down the East Coast.
00:07:17I was a flower seller.
00:07:19Cosmic.
00:07:20Right.
00:07:21Very cheap and cheerful,
00:07:23but I was seeing the world
00:07:23and getting paid.
00:07:25We did Atlantic City,
00:07:27Miami,
00:07:27New Orleans.
00:07:29Then suddenly
00:07:30I got this sort of
00:07:31urge to come home.
00:07:33To Del?
00:07:34Yes, to Del.
00:07:35Well, I wouldn't come home
00:07:36from New Orleans
00:07:37to see Del.
00:07:39I wouldn't come home
00:07:39from a new forest
00:07:40to see Del.
00:07:42You don't see him
00:07:43the way I do.
00:07:44He's lovely.
00:07:45Well, there are many words
00:07:47I could use
00:07:47to describe Del,
00:07:48Trotter,
00:07:48but lovely is not one of them.
00:07:52So, how's the old
00:07:53soot-keeping?
00:07:53He's fine.
00:07:55He seems,
00:07:56I don't know,
00:07:57quieter
00:07:57than when I first met him.
00:07:59Del.
00:08:01Raquel,
00:08:02some years ago,
00:08:03Del went to a monastery
00:08:04and took a vow
00:08:05of loudness.
00:08:07Oh, that's not fair.
00:08:10No, he has changed.
00:08:12Not so loud
00:08:13and brash
00:08:14as he used to be.
00:08:15Right, come on in,
00:08:16gather round,
00:08:16gather round,
00:08:17ladies and gentlemen.
00:08:18He crusader
00:08:19against inflation
00:08:20with another
00:08:21bargain of a lifetime.
00:08:22Now, this magnificent
00:08:23little doll here,
00:08:24that would probably
00:08:25cost you £35
00:08:26up there
00:08:27in Oxford Street.
00:08:29Now, but you know
00:08:30my motto.
00:08:30My motto is
00:08:31West End Goods
00:08:33at South End Prices.
00:08:35Now, listen,
00:08:36if I offered you
00:08:37this little doll here
00:08:38for £10,
00:08:40you'd probably
00:08:41rip my arm off
00:08:42at the elbow
00:08:43to get at it,
00:08:44wouldn't you?
00:08:44Well, I'll tell you
00:08:45what I'm going to do.
00:08:46Because I'm in a festive mood,
00:08:47I'm going to let you
00:08:48have this doll
00:08:49at rock bottom
00:08:50bargain price.
00:08:51Now, I'm not going to
00:08:52ask you for £10.
00:08:53I'm not going to
00:08:54ask you for £8.
00:08:55What I'm going to
00:08:56ask you for
00:08:56is £7.50.
00:08:58£7.50, here it goes.
00:08:59Come on, first come,
00:09:00first serve.
00:09:00I've got many.
00:09:01Come on, come on,
00:09:02quick, quick,
00:09:02don't, don't
00:09:03come in your pocket.
00:09:04What is the matter
00:09:05with you people?
00:09:05What is the matter
00:09:06don't you see a bargain
00:09:07when you see one?
00:09:08This is not your
00:09:09foreign rubbish, you know.
00:09:10This is handmade
00:09:11in Great Britain.
00:09:13The British toy industry
00:09:15reckon this is the
00:09:15most lifelike doll
00:09:16they've ever seen
00:09:17in their life.
00:09:18And I'll prove it to you.
00:09:18Look at this.
00:09:19Look at this.
00:09:20Here it is,
00:09:21a genuine little
00:09:22baby bottle.
00:09:23You can feed her
00:09:24from the bottle.
00:09:25She wets herself.
00:09:27She laughs.
00:09:28She cries.
00:09:29And if you keep her
00:09:29until she's 13,
00:09:31she breaks out in acne
00:09:32and wants to go
00:09:33for breakfast.
00:09:34Would I lie?
00:09:35Would I lie to you?
00:09:37I'll show you
00:09:38something else.
00:09:39Another little feature
00:09:40of this wonderful toy.
00:09:42She will even sing
00:09:43a little lullaby
00:09:43to put herself to sleep.
00:09:45Just listen to this.
00:09:45She's having a lot of
00:09:56trouble with the
00:09:56exhaust pipe on the van.
00:09:58It's got a hole in it.
00:09:59Oh, no, that's a shame
00:10:00because it exhausts
00:10:01the only decent thing
00:10:02on it.
00:10:08So, how are things
00:10:09with you and Cassandra?
00:10:12How do you mean?
00:10:13I mean, are you both well?
00:10:15Yeah.
00:10:16Yeah, great.
00:10:18Cassandra's still
00:10:19studying hard for a promotion?
00:10:21Yes.
00:10:22Yes, she's still
00:10:23a very ambitious lady.
00:10:25So, married life
00:10:26suits you?
00:10:28Yeah.
00:10:30Go on, then.
00:10:33What's Del been saying?
00:10:35He hasn't said anything
00:10:36honest.
00:10:39All right.
00:10:39He mentioned that
00:10:41you'd had a couple of rouse.
00:10:42Once when you upset
00:10:44Cassandra's boss
00:10:44and his wife.
00:10:45Oh, that was nothing.
00:10:47It was a misunderstanding.
00:10:49Three minutes after it happened,
00:10:50we was all laughing about it.
00:10:52Del said she'd
00:10:53chuck you out.
00:10:54Only for a couple of days.
00:10:55Then another time,
00:10:59Cassandra went
00:10:59back to her parents.
00:11:01Yeah, but it was
00:11:01nothing either.
00:11:03Really.
00:11:04We're happy.
00:11:05That's what I wanted
00:11:06to say to you.
00:11:08I know it's none of my
00:11:08business, Rodney.
00:11:09It's just...
00:11:11I have had a marriage
00:11:12break up.
00:11:14I know how these things
00:11:15can start.
00:11:15a lot of people
00:11:17think a marriage
00:11:18comes complete
00:11:19with gift wrapping.
00:11:21But it doesn't.
00:11:23It comes in kit form.
00:11:25You've got to work at it.
00:11:27Oh, excuse me, Rodney.
00:11:29I've just noticed
00:11:30we're doing more
00:11:31of this cheap printing
00:11:32for Del.
00:11:33We're not running
00:11:33a charity organisation.
00:11:35Excuse me.
00:11:36Oh, no, Alan,
00:11:37let me introduce you.
00:11:38Uh, Raquel,
00:11:39this is Alan,
00:11:40my boss
00:11:40and father-in-law.
00:11:41Oh, hello.
00:11:42Because he's
00:11:43Kessy's dad.
00:11:44Yeah, I figured
00:11:44that one out, Rodney.
00:11:46Yeah, yeah.
00:11:47And Alan,
00:11:48this is Raquel.
00:11:49Her and Del are li...
00:11:50Her and Del...
00:11:52are friends.
00:11:54Yeah, Del's told
00:11:55me all about you.
00:11:55You're, uh,
00:11:56you're an actress,
00:11:57aren't you?
00:11:57Well, some people
00:11:58say that,
00:11:59others tell the truth.
00:12:00Oh, come on now.
00:12:01Del speaks very highly
00:12:02of your talents.
00:12:02We'll have to go out
00:12:03for dinner one evening.
00:12:04All of us.
00:12:04I look forward to it.
00:12:05Yeah.
00:12:06Look, uh,
00:12:07I've got a dash
00:12:07because I'm meeting
00:12:08someone for lunch.
00:12:09We're going to try
00:12:09that new Chinese place
00:12:10down by the arches.
00:12:11They say the food
00:12:12is out of this world.
00:12:14Good.
00:12:15Uh, just try
00:12:16and keep a closer
00:12:16eye on things, Rodney.
00:12:18His cheap printing
00:12:19is very good
00:12:19for some people.
00:12:20Unfortunately,
00:12:21it's not for us.
00:12:23See you again, Raquel.
00:12:24Yes, bye.
00:12:29I bet we're going too.
00:12:34Why don't you pop in
00:12:36on your way home
00:12:36from work this evening?
00:12:37Del hasn't seen me
00:12:38for ages.
00:12:41I'm doing roast chicken,
00:12:44jacket potatoes,
00:12:45all the trimmings.
00:12:49There'll be plenty there
00:12:50if you're peckish.
00:12:52No, I'd better take
00:12:53a rain check on it
00:12:54because I've got
00:12:55my route and timing
00:12:56figured out to avoid
00:12:57the traffic on the
00:12:58one-way system,
00:12:59so some other time,
00:13:00eh?
00:13:01Well, the driver's
00:13:02waiting for you out there.
00:13:03Okay.
00:13:05Give my love to Cassie.
00:13:07Yeah.
00:13:08Bye.
00:13:08Bye.
00:13:08Rolf's chicken
00:13:13and all the trimmings.
00:13:14It's Mr. Coleman
00:13:38from...
00:13:39Hi.
00:13:54Hi.
00:13:58You're late this evening.
00:13:59Yeah.
00:14:00Yeah, I got stuck
00:14:01in a traffic jam
00:14:01on a one-way system.
00:14:03Of course,
00:14:04I smells good.
00:14:05I'm starving.
00:14:06I just did myself
00:14:07one of those
00:14:07ready-made meals
00:14:08in the microwave.
00:14:10Ah.
00:14:12Well, I'm starving.
00:14:19There's plenty
00:14:19in the freezer.
00:14:21Good.
00:14:23What a very clean oven
00:14:24we've got.
00:14:26Sorry.
00:14:27Ah, I was just
00:14:27remarking how amazingly
00:14:28clean one can keep
00:14:29these new modern ovens.
00:14:31Especially when one
00:14:32never bloody cooks in them.
00:14:33What, are you going out?
00:14:39Yeah.
00:14:40Oh.
00:14:41Well, that'll make
00:14:41a nice change, won't it?
00:14:43What is it tonight?
00:14:44The bank's final exams?
00:14:47The bank's annual
00:14:48cheese and wine orgy?
00:14:50The bank's annual
00:14:51yoga and target
00:14:52practice course?
00:14:53I'm playing badminton.
00:14:55Oh, I see.
00:14:57Where?
00:14:58The bank's sports club.
00:14:59Well, you go and
00:15:02enjoy yourself, Cass.
00:15:03I've got a busy
00:15:04evening planned as well.
00:15:05I'm going to sit in
00:15:06and read the bank's
00:15:07pamphlet on our
00:15:07joint pension policy.
00:15:09God, here we go again.
00:15:10All right, what's wrong
00:15:11this time?
00:15:12What, with me?
00:15:13What could possibly
00:15:14be wrong with me?
00:15:15If you don't stop
00:15:16being so childish,
00:15:17I swear one of these
00:15:17days I'll smother you
00:15:18with your comfort blanket.
00:15:20Me?
00:15:21Childish?
00:15:22You're the one who's
00:15:22got a bit of growing
00:15:23up to do, Cassandra.
00:15:26When are you going
00:15:27to realise you've got
00:15:28a marriage?
00:15:29You've got a home?
00:15:30You've got me?
00:15:31I'll never forget
00:15:31that, Roddy.
00:15:32I'll never see you.
00:15:34You just use this
00:15:35flat like a base camp.
00:15:36You're zooming in and
00:15:37out of here like a
00:15:38blue bottle with the
00:15:38runs.
00:15:41I've had double glazing
00:15:42salesmen spend more
00:15:43time in here than you.
00:15:44Well, whatever turns
00:15:46you on.
00:15:47You know, I mean,
00:15:47how am I supposed...
00:15:48What's that supposed
00:15:49to mean?
00:15:50Look, Roddy, I like
00:15:51to keep myself busy.
00:15:52Yeah, but you're
00:15:53always out on your
00:15:54own.
00:15:55Because you never
00:15:56want to go anywhere
00:15:57with me.
00:15:58I've asked you before
00:15:58to come to badminton,
00:15:59but you always refuse.
00:16:01Well, that's because
00:16:01I don't relish the
00:16:02idea of spending the
00:16:03entire evening
00:16:04whacking a dead
00:16:05budgie over a neck.
00:16:07Besides which,
00:16:08all our social
00:16:09occasions are in
00:16:10some way or another
00:16:11tied to the bank.
00:16:13You resent me
00:16:14pursuing a career,
00:16:15don't you?
00:16:16No.
00:16:17I admire anyone
00:16:17who wants to
00:16:18advance themselves.
00:16:20But your idea
00:16:21of advancement
00:16:21comes straight
00:16:22out of Rommel's
00:16:23A Thousand and One
00:16:24Things Every Good
00:16:24Panzer General
00:16:25Should Know.
00:16:26It's relentless
00:16:27cash, you know,
00:16:28it's blitzkrieg.
00:16:29Roddy, I'm not
00:16:30trying to advance
00:16:30my career.
00:16:31I'm still trying
00:16:32to make up
00:16:32for lost ground.
00:16:34You of all people
00:16:34should understand
00:16:35that.
00:16:36I have in some way
00:16:38interrupted Operation
00:16:40Cassandra.
00:16:41And what is it
00:16:42exactly I'm supposed
00:16:43to have done?
00:16:44It's just little
00:16:45things.
00:16:45Like that day my
00:16:46boss Stephen and
00:16:47his wife came round
00:16:48and you punched him
00:16:48in the face.
00:16:49Oh, we're still on
00:16:51about that, are we?
00:16:53You broke his nose.
00:16:54Broke it.
00:16:55I never broke it.
00:16:59Tiny hairline fracture,
00:17:00that was all.
00:17:02Anyway, it was a long
00:17:03time ago and I have
00:17:04apologised a thousand
00:17:05times for it.
00:17:06I know you have.
00:17:07And I'm perfectly
00:17:08willing to be
00:17:08understanding as long
00:17:09as you are.
00:17:11Look Cass,
00:17:11where can I put
00:17:12this?
00:17:13It sounds like a
00:17:14ridiculous thing for a
00:17:15husband to have to say
00:17:16to his wife but I would
00:17:17like to see more of you.
00:17:19The only time we're
00:17:19really together is when
00:17:20we're lying in bed.
00:17:22With our backs to
00:17:23each other.
00:17:23Yeah, but that's only
00:17:24because you turned
00:17:24your back on me.
00:17:25Well, you started it.
00:17:26I did not.
00:17:28And why is it
00:17:29whenever we have a
00:17:29dinner party we have
00:17:30to invite your family
00:17:31and your friends?
00:17:33We invite your
00:17:34friends as well.
00:17:34You made me one
00:17:35occasion, just one,
00:17:37where I've had my
00:17:37mates round there.
00:17:38Last month Mickey
00:17:39Pierce and Jevon and
00:17:40their girlfriends came
00:17:41round for the evening.
00:17:42I've apologised for
00:17:43that.
00:17:44And next week you've
00:17:45invited your brother
00:17:46and Raquel round for
00:17:47dinner.
00:17:47I've apologised for
00:17:48that as well.
00:17:50Look, Cass, we
00:17:51always said if we had
00:17:52a problem with our
00:17:53marriage we would sit
00:17:54down and discuss it
00:17:55in a mature and
00:17:55adult way.
00:17:57Fine.
00:17:57Let's sit down and
00:17:58discuss it in a
00:17:59mature and adult way.
00:18:03Well, you can start.
00:18:05No, you carry on.
00:18:06No, please, I'd like
00:18:07to hear what you have
00:18:08to say.
00:18:08You started it,
00:18:09Roddy, so you go.
00:18:10I didn't start
00:18:11anything.
00:18:12Well, you're the one
00:18:13that came home in a
00:18:13mood.
00:18:14I only had a mood when
00:18:15I'd come home and
00:18:16realised there was
00:18:16nothing for me to eat
00:18:17again.
00:18:18Oh, I see.
00:18:19That's what this is
00:18:20really all about.
00:18:21I'm supposed to be the
00:18:22little wife who has
00:18:23the dinner on the
00:18:24table, waiting for
00:18:25Roddy to come back
00:18:25from the time warp.
00:18:27This is not 1933,
00:18:29and the sooner you
00:18:29realise that, the
00:18:30sooner you'll stop
00:18:31being so bloody
00:18:31childish.
00:18:33Cass, if you could
00:18:34avert your gaze from
00:18:35the exotica of the
00:18:36banking world for one
00:18:37moment, you would
00:18:38realise, as so many
00:18:39women in Peckham
00:18:40realise, there is
00:18:41nothing childish about
00:18:42Roddy Trotter.
00:18:43And they would
00:18:45appreciate having a
00:18:46young, vibrant,
00:18:47successful bloke like
00:18:48me about.
00:18:49And they would
00:18:49most probably do me
00:18:50a pie and chips
00:18:51when I felt like it.
00:18:53Well, why don't you
00:18:54go and find one of
00:18:55these women?
00:18:59All right, I will.
00:19:00Well, go on then.
00:19:02I will.
00:19:05Then take a bottle of
00:19:06ketchup for your pie
00:19:07and chips.
00:19:08Oh, well.
00:19:37What a meal.
00:19:46What a meal.
00:19:48Je suis je reste.
00:19:50As they say,
00:19:50Montpellier.
00:19:52Does that mean good?
00:19:53Good.
00:19:54Oh.
00:19:55That is absolutely
00:19:56superb.
00:19:57You know,
00:19:58I haven't had a meal
00:20:00like that since my
00:20:00dear old mum was
00:20:01alive.
00:20:02Oh.
00:20:03What was it again?
00:20:04It's chicken.
00:20:05I know it was
00:20:07chicken, but I mean,
00:20:08what was the dish
00:20:08called?
00:20:09Oh.
00:20:10It's called
00:20:11Petit du Polo
00:20:12Truffalati.
00:20:13Ah, well, there you
00:20:13go, you see.
00:20:14You can say what
00:20:15you like about the
00:20:15French, but they're
00:20:16magic when it comes
00:20:17to a saucepan and a
00:20:17bit of salt,
00:20:18aren't they?
00:20:19It's Italian.
00:20:23Oh, yeah, yeah,
00:20:23I know, I know
00:20:24it's Italian.
00:20:26I mean, I was just
00:20:27saying, the French
00:20:27are good cooks and
00:20:28all, aren't they?
00:20:31Oh.
00:20:32Oh.
00:20:33Oh.
00:20:33Oh.
00:20:34Oh.
00:20:34Just we.
00:20:48Right, here we go.
00:20:50Oh, get some of this
00:20:51down your neck.
00:20:54Right.
00:20:55Mmm.
00:20:55To the future.
00:20:57Mmm.
00:20:58Um, Raquel.
00:21:07Hmm?
00:21:08Um, you've been
00:21:10here for, you know,
00:21:11a week or two now,
00:21:12and, uh, well, you
00:21:15know how I feel about
00:21:16you, don't you?
00:21:17Do I?
00:21:19You've never said.
00:21:20No, well, I mean,
00:21:21I thought it was
00:21:21obvious.
00:21:22I mean,
00:21:24I really do like you.
00:21:30Um, look, you don't
00:21:32have to answer this
00:21:32now if you don't want
00:21:33to.
00:21:35But, uh, I was
00:21:38wondering if you
00:21:40would, um, well, if
00:21:43you would, you know,
00:21:45I mean, you don't,
00:21:45ah, God, that,
00:21:46I've got your dinner
00:21:49warm in the oven,
00:21:50Albert.
00:21:50Is everything
00:21:51all right now?
00:21:51I'll cut the
00:21:52singe bits off.
00:21:55You should never
00:21:56light a candle when
00:21:57you've got a man
00:21:57with a beard in
00:21:58the house.
00:21:59Well, it's your own
00:22:00fault.
00:22:00You shouldn't have
00:22:01leant across the
00:22:01table and reached
00:22:02for the bread.
00:22:03Have a good mind
00:22:03to report your
00:22:04beard to the
00:22:04council.
00:22:05If I hadn't been
00:22:06a bit lively with
00:22:07my Liebfrau milk,
00:22:08we could have had
00:22:08a towering burner
00:22:09on the race.
00:22:11I'll eat my dinner
00:22:12in the kitchen
00:22:13and wait on that
00:22:13fire hazard.
00:22:15Good.
00:22:16Mind how you go
00:22:16when you take the
00:22:17plate out of the
00:22:17oven, because the
00:22:18gas is still on.
00:22:19He was saying.
00:22:23I'm sorry.
00:22:24Oh, yes.
00:22:30Yeah, I was saying.
00:22:33See, you are a
00:22:37woman.
00:22:42And I'm a man.
00:22:44And, you know,
00:22:49no man is an
00:22:49island.
00:22:57Do you understand
00:22:58what I'm getting
00:22:58at?
00:23:00No.
00:23:04Look, I just
00:23:05don't want to rush
00:23:06things, you know.
00:23:07But I mean,
00:23:09would you.
00:23:10I mean, no, no,
00:23:11what I mean.
00:23:13Would you
00:23:14consider...
00:23:16That's it.
00:23:16All over,
00:23:17capitals.
00:23:18That was our
00:23:19last chance.
00:23:20Good evening,
00:23:21Rodney.
00:23:22I have never been
00:23:23so insulted in my
00:23:24life.
00:23:24Well, sit down,
00:23:25bruv.
00:23:25Let me have a try.
00:23:29What's happened,
00:23:30then?
00:23:30Rodney's left
00:23:31Cassandra.
00:23:32What, again?
00:23:33That's the third
00:23:34time in 18 months
00:23:35you two have
00:23:35broken up for good.
00:23:36Yeah, well,
00:23:37this time it is
00:23:37for good.
00:23:39Does that mean
00:23:39our invitation
00:23:40for dinner is
00:23:41off, then?
00:23:42Well, of course
00:23:43it does.
00:23:44What's brought
00:23:44all this about?
00:23:45You will not
00:23:46believe this.
00:23:47She accused
00:23:48me of being
00:23:49childish.
00:23:51No.
00:23:51Yeah.
00:23:52It's true.
00:23:53Can you...
00:23:54Wait, wait, wait.
00:23:56That's my top
00:23:57you're throwing
00:23:57about there.
00:23:58Well, tonight
00:23:59was the last
00:23:59straw.
00:24:00Really?
00:24:01What did
00:24:01you do tonight?
00:24:02Tread on
00:24:02your scale-ectrics?
00:24:04Derek, my
00:24:05marriage has
00:24:05broken up.
00:24:06This is no
00:24:06time for sarcasm.
00:24:07All right, Rodney,
00:24:08all right.
00:24:09Just calm down,
00:24:10will you?
00:24:10Finish your
00:24:11drink, and I
00:24:12will drive you
00:24:12home, and we'll
00:24:13see if we can
00:24:14sort it out,
00:24:14all right?
00:24:15Bill, you
00:24:15don't understand.
00:24:16I'm not going
00:24:17back.
00:24:18Me and Cassie
00:24:18are finished
00:24:19for good.
00:24:19Oh, uh-oh.
00:24:21Albert,
00:24:22Brandy.
00:24:24Rodney, you'll
00:24:24have to at least
00:24:25talk to her
00:24:25sooner or later.
00:24:26There'll be
00:24:27things to be
00:24:27discussed.
00:24:28Yes, like
00:24:28who gets
00:24:29custody of
00:24:29Barbie and
00:24:30Ken?
00:24:30This is all
00:24:35one big
00:24:36bloody joke to
00:24:37you, isn't it?
00:24:38It's not,
00:24:39Rodney.
00:24:39It's just that
00:24:40you and Cassandra
00:24:41are behaving like
00:24:41a couple of
00:24:42ten-year-olds,
00:24:42don't you,
00:24:43eh?
00:24:43I mean, you've
00:24:44broken up and
00:24:44gone back together
00:24:45more times than
00:24:46J.R. and
00:24:46Sue Ellen.
00:24:47Yeah, well,
00:24:47this time it
00:24:48is for good.
00:24:49I am staying
00:24:50here.
00:24:57All right,
00:24:58Albert, you
00:24:59better go and
00:24:59get some blankets
00:25:00and some pillars
00:25:00and make up a
00:25:01bed for Rodney
00:25:02on the
00:25:02settee.
00:25:03The settee?
00:25:04Yeah.
00:25:05I'll kip in
00:25:05the old
00:25:05room.
00:25:07Oh, Rodney,
00:25:08you can't kip
00:25:08in your old
00:25:09room because,
00:25:09you know,
00:25:10Raquel sleeps
00:25:11in there,
00:25:12all right?
00:25:12Sorry.
00:25:14Why's
00:25:14Raquel in
00:25:15my room?
00:25:15I thought
00:25:16you two
00:25:17were.
00:25:21Excuse me,
00:25:22excuse me a
00:25:22minute.
00:25:23What, you
00:25:23sweet, what?
00:25:24Rodney,
00:25:25excuse me,
00:25:25may I have a
00:25:26word with you
00:25:26in the
00:25:27boardroom?
00:25:33I thought
00:25:34you were
00:25:34in Raquel.
00:25:34No.
00:25:36What, you
00:25:37mean you were
00:25:37not in Raquel?
00:25:37No.
00:25:40This is
00:25:40when you're
00:25:41over a
00:25:41phone line.
00:25:41No.
00:25:43That must
00:25:44be a
00:25:44record.
00:25:45Rodney,
00:25:47you came
00:25:47storming in
00:25:48just at the
00:25:49moment when
00:25:50I was
00:25:50asking Raquel
00:25:51if she
00:25:51would be
00:25:52kind enough
00:25:52to consider
00:25:53stamping my
00:25:54card.
00:25:57Well, you
00:25:57just have to
00:25:58say to her,
00:25:58wouldn't you
00:25:59say, I'm
00:25:59back now,
00:26:00so like it
00:26:00or lump it,
00:26:01she's got
00:26:01a kip with
00:26:01you.
00:26:02No.
00:26:02No, Rodney,
00:26:03come here,
00:26:03look, you
00:26:03don't understand,
00:26:04do you?
00:26:04You don't
00:26:04understand at
00:26:05all because,
00:26:05you see,
00:26:06Raquel,
00:26:06Raquel is a
00:26:07lady.
00:26:08You see,
00:26:08and when a
00:26:09lady is ready
00:26:09to, to,
00:26:10to, uh,
00:26:11well, when
00:26:13she's ready
00:26:13to, she
00:26:15will let me
00:26:15know.
00:26:17How?
00:26:17Huh?
00:26:20Well, you know,
00:26:22she'd give me a
00:26:22sign or something.
00:26:24Like what?
00:26:25What do I know?
00:26:35Has she put an
00:26:35announcement at a
00:26:36Sunday sport?
00:26:37Yeah.
00:26:41All I know is
00:26:42that until that
00:26:43happens, you
00:26:44will be kipping
00:26:45on the settee
00:26:46and think
00:26:46yourself lucky.
00:26:48Suits me.
00:26:50Anything's better
00:26:50than sleeping
00:26:51next to a cold
00:26:51pair of shoulders.
00:26:52You're going to
00:26:56let him stay?
00:26:57I don't know,
00:26:57sweetheart.
00:26:57I just don't,
00:26:58I just do not
00:26:59know what to do
00:27:00for the best.
00:27:00Let the boy
00:27:01stay for a few
00:27:02days, Del.
00:27:03God, that's
00:27:04better.
00:27:04I was starving.
00:27:12Send him
00:27:13back to his
00:27:13wife.
00:27:15I fought a
00:27:16war for you.
00:27:22for that dipstick.
00:27:45Do you think he's
00:27:53playing at, eh?
00:27:55He's had a little
00:27:56too much to drink,
00:27:56that's all.
00:27:59Ever since he
00:28:00walked out on
00:28:01Cassandra, he spent
00:28:02every night on the
00:28:04pit.
00:28:05The booze.
00:28:05You're worried
00:28:16about him,
00:28:16aren't you?
00:28:17Yeah.
00:28:18Yeah, of course
00:28:19I am.
00:28:20I'm worried
00:28:21about him.
00:28:23Spent most of my
00:28:24life bringing him
00:28:24up.
00:28:26Michael Jackson's
00:28:27got bubbles,
00:28:28I got
00:28:29rolling.
00:28:29Can we have
00:28:36the same again,
00:28:40only this time
00:28:41make them large
00:28:42ones?
00:28:42Yes!
00:28:44It's your
00:28:45round, Rodney.
00:28:48Well, yeah,
00:28:49I suppose it is.
00:28:50Yeah, I spy with
00:28:53my little eye
00:28:53two ladies of
00:28:55the more mature
00:28:56variety.
00:28:59Lonely housewives
00:29:02out on the
00:29:03pool.
00:29:03Yeah, well,
00:29:03just leave me
00:29:04out, it's all right.
00:29:05Well, yeah, we
00:29:06intended to, Rodney.
00:29:15I know you from
00:29:16somewhere, don't I?
00:29:16I wouldn't have
00:29:17thought so.
00:29:18He never forgets
00:29:19a face.
00:29:20Neither do I,
00:29:22and I'd certainly
00:29:22remember you two.
00:29:25Did you go to the
00:29:26Dockside Junior
00:29:27School?
00:29:27No, I didn't.
00:29:30Told you,
00:29:31he thought you
00:29:32was our old
00:29:32dead mistress.
00:29:50You lost a couple
00:29:52of days of work
00:29:53through hangovers
00:29:54this week already,
00:29:55look.
00:29:56What do you mean
00:29:57you're sleeping on
00:29:57the settee?
00:29:58Well, it's true.
00:30:00Del's in his room,
00:30:01right, and Raquel's
00:30:02in my old room.
00:30:03I thought Del Boy
00:30:04and her were
00:30:04living together.
00:30:05Well, yeah,
00:30:06they are, sort of,
00:30:07but they ain't
00:30:08cohabiting, you know.
00:30:10Well, I mean,
00:30:10I ain't cohabiting
00:30:11a bit.
00:30:13But Del said,
00:30:13right, as soon as
00:30:14he's cracking the
00:30:15case, I can have
00:30:16my old room back.
00:30:17Rodney, let me
00:30:19give you some
00:30:19advice.
00:30:19I'm a lady's
00:30:21hair stylist
00:30:22and know intimately
00:30:23the working
00:30:23of the female
00:30:24mind.
00:30:25Yeah, because
00:30:25he's a whoop,
00:30:26that.
00:30:28Serious, Mickey.
00:30:30I hate it when you
00:30:31do it to me,
00:30:31mother impersonation.
00:30:32Rodney, why didn't
00:30:35you go home to
00:30:35Cassandra, eh?
00:30:36You had a nice
00:30:37flat, a good girl,
00:30:39and you've given
00:30:39it all up because
00:30:40of some stupid
00:30:41rag.
00:30:41Look, if she
00:30:42wants to phone me
00:30:43and apologise,
00:30:44then I might
00:30:45consider it.
00:30:46But she started
00:30:47it, so she got
00:30:47to phone me first,
00:30:48right?
00:30:49What you got to
00:30:50do, Rodney, is
00:30:51make Cassandra
00:30:51jealous.
00:30:53Yeah.
00:30:56Why?
00:30:57Make her think
00:30:58other women find
00:30:59you desirable.
00:31:01Yeah.
00:31:03Don't encourage
00:31:04Ronnie to tell her
00:31:04lies.
00:31:06That's true.
00:31:07I don't like it.
00:31:08True lies.
00:31:09What?
00:31:10Listen to me,
00:31:11Rodney.
00:31:12I always make a
00:31:13point of making
00:31:14women jealous.
00:31:15Ter-girl.
00:31:17Any time you
00:31:18ever made women
00:31:18jealous was the
00:31:20night you won
00:31:20the last house
00:31:21at bingo.
00:31:23How's you,
00:31:24Derek?
00:31:25Tell me,
00:31:25how's you and
00:31:26Raquel getting on
00:31:27these days?
00:31:29Terrific.
00:31:30Thank you very
00:31:30much, Mickey.
00:31:31What the bleed
00:31:32now has got to do
00:31:32with you?
00:31:33I don't know.
00:31:34I'm just concerned.
00:31:35Yeah.
00:31:37Here.
00:31:38You going to buy us
00:31:38a drink, Del?
00:31:39Yeah, yeah.
00:31:40All right.
00:31:40There you go.
00:31:41Give the lads a
00:31:42drink and all,
00:31:42will you?
00:31:43Nice.
00:31:44Yeah.
00:31:45Three Coca-Colas.
00:31:46Rodney, what a word
00:31:51with you.
00:31:51There you go,
00:31:56sweetheart.
00:31:56Thanks.
00:31:59All right?
00:32:00All right,
00:32:01Rodney, go on,
00:32:01sit yourself down.
00:32:03I'll just,
00:32:04um,
00:32:05I won't be long.
00:32:06All right.
00:32:07All right.
00:32:08All right.
00:32:09All right.
00:32:10All right.
00:32:11All right.
00:32:11So, you get it?
00:32:12It's yours on the van,
00:32:13sort it out.
00:32:14I've booked it in
00:32:15for tomorrow.
00:32:16You can take it
00:32:16down there for me.
00:32:18Me?
00:32:19Yeah.
00:32:20Look, you won't be
00:32:21going to work tomorrow,
00:32:22will you?
00:32:22Not after what you've
00:32:23shoved down your neck
00:32:24tonight.
00:32:26So, when your hangover's
00:32:27cleared up,
00:32:28you can take it down
00:32:29there for me.
00:32:30Look, I will be
00:32:30going to work tomorrow.
00:32:32You can bet
00:32:32your last penny on
00:32:33that, all right?
00:32:34Well, Rodney,
00:32:37the rudders.
00:32:40You've been out
00:32:41every night this week
00:32:42on the booze.
00:32:43I've just seen
00:32:44my mates,
00:32:44this is all.
00:32:45Yeah, but why are
00:32:45they always the same
00:32:46mates?
00:32:47Eh?
00:32:47Johnny Walker
00:32:48and Ron Bacardi.
00:32:52You walked out
00:32:53on Cassandra
00:32:54eight days ago.
00:32:56You've made
00:32:56your point,
00:32:57bruv.
00:32:58No,
00:32:59that time you
00:32:59went back home,
00:33:00yeah.
00:33:00Look, Dil,
00:33:01you've never even
00:33:01been married.
00:33:02You don't know
00:33:02what it's like.
00:33:03No,
00:33:04mucked about
00:33:06enough,
00:33:06I'd have a fair
00:33:07idea.
00:33:09Look,
00:33:10Rodney.
00:33:11Hey,
00:33:12don't fall to me,
00:33:13will you?
00:33:14Well,
00:33:15to Cassandra,
00:33:16right,
00:33:16life's all
00:33:17drive and
00:33:18ambition.
00:33:19I think she
00:33:20wants to rule
00:33:20the world.
00:33:21Well,
00:33:21she don't.
00:33:22She just
00:33:23wants promotion
00:33:24at the bank,
00:33:25that's all.
00:33:25Ah,
00:33:26yeah,
00:33:26exactly.
00:33:27And it's that
00:33:28blinkedness
00:33:29that's driving
00:33:30away all her
00:33:31beautiful force.
00:33:32she can't
00:33:32see them.
00:33:35Well,
00:33:35like you,
00:33:36wouldn't it?
00:33:37Yeah.
00:33:39Yeah.
00:33:39Well,
00:33:40look,
00:33:40I'll tell you,
00:33:40all right,
00:33:41the other day,
00:33:41it was her birthday,
00:33:42right,
00:33:43so I bought
00:33:43her a pair of
00:33:44earrings and a
00:33:45shirgle
00:33:45farky,
00:33:46okay.
00:33:47What's that?
00:33:48shirgle farky.
00:33:52Furgle sharky,
00:33:53the same.
00:33:54Look how we
00:33:55had a pair of
00:33:56earrings,
00:33:56right.
00:33:57Now,
00:33:57they was
00:33:58nice earrings,
00:33:59you know,
00:34:00but they was
00:34:00little.
00:34:01They were
00:34:01very little
00:34:02earrings,
00:34:03right.
00:34:04They were
00:34:04nice,
00:34:05but they
00:34:06were very
00:34:06little.
00:34:07Yeah.
00:34:08And she
00:34:08has a look at
00:34:10them and she
00:34:10says,
00:34:11oh,
00:34:11thanks,
00:34:11Rodney,
00:34:12aren't they
00:34:13little?
00:34:13Oh,
00:34:16nuts.
00:34:17As soon as I'm
00:34:18sat out,
00:34:19I'm still
00:34:20there.
00:34:21It's because
00:34:22I suppose
00:34:22mummy and
00:34:23daddy,
00:34:24right,
00:34:24they buy
00:34:25all the
00:34:25big presents,
00:34:26right.
00:34:27So sometimes
00:34:28I was shocked
00:34:29I'd meet
00:34:29another girl.
00:34:31In your
00:34:31present condition,
00:34:32you ought to
00:34:32think about
00:34:33joining the
00:34:34lonely
00:34:34kidneys club.
00:34:43Yeah,
00:34:45I think
00:34:45all in all,
00:34:47you know,
00:34:47this married
00:34:49life's been a
00:34:50bit of a
00:34:50letdown for
00:34:51young Cassandra.
00:34:54Yeah,
00:34:55I don't care.
00:34:58That's
00:34:58good off
00:34:58my nose,
00:34:59is it?
00:35:02I can't
00:35:02give a monkey's
00:35:03toast,
00:35:03mate.
00:35:08I love
00:35:09it,
00:35:09though.
00:35:12Shut up.
00:35:13Shut up,
00:35:14you tough.
00:35:17She's kind of
00:35:18lived up to
00:35:19her high
00:35:19expectations.
00:35:22Look,
00:35:22I'm...
00:35:23Look,
00:35:25I'm going to
00:35:25have words with
00:35:25your wife,
00:35:26and I'm going
00:35:27to tell her
00:35:27that size
00:35:28isn't important.
00:35:29It's the
00:35:29corner case.
00:35:34What do you mean
00:35:34size is important?
00:35:37What about
00:35:38them earrings?
00:35:39They said
00:35:40the earrings,
00:35:40they're my...
00:35:42God,
00:35:42it makes me
00:35:43so angry.
00:35:46I'm going to
00:35:46find the little
00:35:47bloke,
00:35:47I'm going to
00:35:47have a fight.
00:35:52Stop.
00:35:52And another
00:35:53thing,
00:35:53she never cooks
00:35:54for me.
00:35:55She's always
00:35:55too busy.
00:35:57I'm mad,
00:35:58does he?
00:35:59You know,
00:36:00you can cook,
00:36:00can't you?
00:36:01I don't want you
00:36:03to do it,
00:36:04do they?
00:36:05Oh,
00:36:05I see.
00:36:07What you wanted
00:36:07really was
00:36:08Cassandra to
00:36:09make the fuss
00:36:10off you.
00:36:12Yes.
00:36:13sit yourself down
00:36:15here.
00:36:17Look,
00:36:18she ain't
00:36:18your mum,
00:36:19what do you
00:36:20mean?
00:36:22You never knew
00:36:23the joy of
00:36:24having a mum,
00:36:25did you?
00:36:26And you were
00:36:27barely on solids
00:36:28when the angels
00:36:30came down and
00:36:31took her away.
00:36:32I don't remember,
00:36:34sort of,
00:36:35but this,
00:36:36this mystery,
00:36:38you know,
00:36:38this blonde lady
00:36:40and she was
00:36:42there and
00:36:43then she wasn't.
00:36:47Bit like the
00:36:47STP, really.
00:36:52You want a
00:36:53right-hander
00:36:53for a knife,
00:36:54can?
00:36:55Show some
00:36:56respect,
00:36:56Rodney.
00:36:57Look,
00:36:57I'm sorry,
00:36:58right?
00:36:58I didn't make
00:36:59a bring mum
00:36:59in.
00:37:00Look,
00:37:00I'm really
00:37:00sorry.
00:37:01Get off
00:37:03what a life,
00:37:03eh?
00:37:05Me wife
00:37:05don't love
00:37:06me,
00:37:07me mum's
00:37:07left me
00:37:08and some
00:37:08bastards
00:37:09nicked me
00:37:09bike.
00:37:11I told you
00:37:12not to leave
00:37:12it out on
00:37:13the land,
00:37:13didn't I?
00:37:14Yes,
00:37:15so,
00:37:15mum.
00:37:18Oh,
00:37:18well,
00:37:18come on,
00:37:19come on.
00:37:20Don't be
00:37:20a defeatist,
00:37:21mate,
00:37:21come on.
00:37:22These things
00:37:22were sent
00:37:22to try us.
00:37:23Why don't
00:37:23you take a
00:37:24leaf out
00:37:24of my
00:37:24book,
00:37:25eh?
00:37:26You know,
00:37:26happy-go-lucky,
00:37:28never let
00:37:29life get
00:37:29me down.
00:37:30Hey,
00:37:31come on,
00:37:31use me as
00:37:32your role
00:37:32model.
00:37:33You?
00:37:34You must
00:37:34be joking.
00:37:36You're right,
00:37:37I don't need
00:37:37a role
00:37:38model.
00:37:39What?
00:37:40A model.
00:37:41No,
00:37:41role model.
00:37:42Role model.
00:37:44Role model.
00:37:45Role model.
00:37:46Well,
00:37:47I don't need one of
00:37:47them,
00:37:48because I am
00:37:48happy as I am.
00:37:50Oh.
00:37:52See you,
00:37:53though.
00:37:54Yeah,
00:37:55all right.
00:37:57Any luck?
00:37:59No,
00:38:00no,
00:38:00I tried,
00:38:01I tried.
00:38:03You're a very
00:38:03nice person,
00:38:04Derek Trotter.
00:38:05Yeah,
00:38:05I know.
00:38:06It's one of my
00:38:06failures,
00:38:07a lesbian.
00:38:15I think
00:38:16Rodney's a very
00:38:17confused young
00:38:17man.
00:38:18Confused,
00:38:19maybe a bit
00:38:19frightened.
00:38:20Frightened?
00:38:21What are you
00:38:21talking about?
00:38:22Frightened?
00:38:22He's a bloke.
00:38:23Well,
00:38:23I know,
00:38:24and even
00:38:24blokes get
00:38:24frightened.
00:38:25Everyone's
00:38:26frightened of
00:38:26something.
00:38:27What?
00:38:28What are you
00:38:29frightened of,
00:38:29then?
00:38:30Shut up,
00:38:31and make me feel
00:38:31silly.
00:38:32No,
00:38:33no,
00:38:33seriously,
00:38:34come on,
00:38:34what are you
00:38:34frightened of?
00:38:36Now,
00:38:36go on,
00:38:36tell me,
00:38:37I promise you
00:38:37won't laugh.
00:38:39The dark.
00:38:45You know
00:38:46what I am.
00:38:47Look,
00:38:48even today,
00:38:48you're frightened
00:38:48of the dark?
00:38:49Yeah.
00:38:50Sometimes I lie
00:38:51in bed,
00:38:51and the dark
00:38:52seems to be
00:38:55touching me.
00:38:59Stupid,
00:39:00eh?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:08You know,
00:39:09if you lie
00:39:09tonight
00:39:12and you're
00:39:14lying in bed
00:39:14in the dark,
00:39:17I could hold
00:39:20your hand.
00:39:27Okay.
00:39:33Right,
00:39:33don't you think
00:39:33that?
00:39:33that's a good
00:39:35thing.
00:39:37That reputation
00:39:39in this area
00:39:39isn't as good
00:39:40as I'd like it
00:39:40to be,
00:39:40so please don't
00:39:41tell me about this.
00:39:42Us.
00:39:43Of course I won't.
00:39:44What sort of bloke
00:39:45you think I am?
00:39:46What, Raquel,
00:39:47this is between
00:39:48you and me?
00:39:48I mean,
00:39:49this is between
00:39:50us,
00:39:50isn't it?
00:39:50Eh,
00:39:51eh?
00:39:59Hey,
00:40:00Dale,
00:40:00you going?
00:40:01Yeah.
00:40:02All right,
00:40:02see you later,
00:40:03right?
00:40:03Yeah,
00:40:04right.
00:40:04Oh,
00:40:05Rodney,
00:40:05you can sleep
00:40:06in your own
00:40:06room tonight.
00:40:07Nice.
00:40:08one,
00:40:09damn!
00:40:12Touchdown!
00:40:14Oh,
00:40:14damn,
00:40:14has it been
00:40:16then?
00:40:25Oh.
00:40:26Oh,
00:40:27huh?
00:40:28Oh,
00:40:28Oh,
00:40:29did we all
00:40:29see you?
00:40:30Oh,
00:40:30oh,
00:40:31oh,
00:40:31oh,
00:40:32oh.
00:40:33Oh,
00:40:33oh,
00:40:33oh,
00:40:34oh,
00:40:35oh,
00:40:36What's that horrible record?
00:40:43I'm listening to me radio.
00:40:45I can't sleep with all that noise going on.
00:40:51An amazing statement coming from a man who slept through two world wars.
00:40:57I didn't do any sleeping during the war, Rodney.
00:41:00I was out there on the big waves.
00:41:02Shell and fire, that was me.
00:41:04I can make a film about my life story.
00:41:07Yeah, three men in a dinghy.
00:41:11So how are you feeling now?
00:41:12Is your hangover cleared up?
00:41:14I didn't have hangover.
00:41:16So why didn't you go to work this morning?
00:41:18None of you, but God, you're a nosy git, isn't you?
00:41:21No wonder they kept throwing you out of the lifeboat.
00:41:23That's the sort of rubbish you listen to.
00:41:26It's no wonder your wife chucked you out of your house.
00:41:28She did not chuck me out.
00:41:30I left to my own accord.
00:41:31She is praying for me to go back.
00:41:33Oh, spending a lot of time in church, is she?
00:41:36Maybe that's why she's never in when Raquel Fallon's up.
00:41:40You're just trying to wind me up, aren't you?
00:41:42No, I'm not saying.
00:41:43Honest.
00:41:45Have you found your bike yet?
00:41:47Get off my train, Sel, but I'm going to get dressed.
00:41:51You've seen my slippers, Raquel.
00:42:12You're wearing them, Albert.
00:42:14What's wrong with Rodney?
00:42:16Slamming drawers, banging things around in there?
00:42:18I think he's still upset about him and Cassandra.
00:42:21I try to give him a few words of encouragement, but nothing seems to work.
00:42:25At least you try him.
00:42:26Yeah.
00:42:26Where is that idiot?
00:42:31He's getting dressed.
00:42:33You all right, love?
00:42:34Yeah, I'm all right, sweetheart.
00:42:36I'm just suffering from a bit of the old executive burnout, you know?
00:42:42I could murder a drink.
00:42:43Go on, sit down.
00:42:44I'll do it.
00:42:45Oh, all right.
00:42:47Thank you, darling.
00:42:49I'll talk to you in private.
00:42:51Yeah, all right, girl.
00:42:53What about her?
00:42:54Don't worry about her.
00:42:55I'll think of some...
00:42:56Well, a brandy, Dindo.
00:42:57Oh, yes, Custy.
00:42:58Ah, no, second thoughts.
00:42:59I'll tell you what.
00:43:00I'd like a nice mug of decaffeinated coffee made in the percolator.
00:43:03That takes ages.
00:43:04Yes, I know, but it's much healthier, isn't it?
00:43:06Yeah, all right, then.
00:43:06Do you want a coffee, Albert?
00:43:07I'll have that brandy.
00:43:08So I'm wasting it.
00:43:09What do you want to talk about, then?
00:43:17Well, first, I'd like to find out how my bottle of Kavossier manages to pour itself.
00:43:22By that can't wait.
00:43:23We've got more important things to discuss.
00:43:25I've just had a word with a mechanic from the Peckham Exhaust Centre.
00:43:29Rodney took the van down there this morning.
00:43:30Now, apparently, there's a new receptionist working there by the name of Tanya.
00:43:35And Rodney the dipstick has only asked it out on a date.
00:43:39You're kidding.
00:43:41I wish I was, Uncle.
00:43:41I wish I was.
00:43:43I'm disgusted with him.
00:43:45What's this Tanya girl look like?
00:43:47Well, I wouldn't say no.
00:43:50What I mean is that she's attractive enough and she's a nice enough girl.
00:43:53That's not the point, is it?
00:43:54If Rodney gets seen with this Tanya sort, then, well, it's going to break Cassandra's heart.
00:44:00And then Rodney's going to find himself with the sack.
00:44:03Yeah.
00:44:04And Alan won't do you any more of that cheap printing you've flocked to all your mates.
00:44:07No.
00:44:08That has got absolutely nothing to do with it.
00:44:11But you said that was the only money we got coming into the flat.
00:44:14Yet my only concern is for Cassandra and Rodney's future happiness.
00:44:20Mind you, that printing did bring in a few bob, I must admit.
00:44:23I've got to think of a way in which I can put Rodney off this bird.
00:44:29So what are you telling me for?
00:44:32I don't know.
00:44:33I was hoping you might come up with an idea.
00:44:35Then again, I was hoping that Millwall would win the UEFA Cup.
00:44:41Wait a minute.
00:44:43Wait a minute.
00:44:44I've got it.
00:44:44I've got an idea.
00:44:45Now listen to me.
00:44:46When Rodney tells us about this date with this bird, right, you and me have got to look absolutely horrified.
00:44:55See, as though it goes against the whole of the Trotter family's moral code.
00:44:58Well, you never caught with that.
00:45:00Yes, he will.
00:45:01He will.
00:45:01You don't know him like I do.
00:45:03He'll go for that hook line and...
00:45:04That's it.
00:45:06That's it.
00:45:06It's him.
00:45:07He's coming.
00:45:07Now, don't forget.
00:45:08You've got to look horrified, right?
00:45:09As though you've seen a U-boat off the starboard bow.
00:45:18Not yet.
00:45:23Well, what's the matter with him?
00:45:27Oh, no, I don't know.
00:45:28He's been at the brandy lot.
00:45:31Percolator's bubbling.
00:45:32Fancy a coffee, Rodney?
00:45:33No, no, thanks, Raquel.
00:45:34I'm going out.
00:45:35No.
00:45:37No.
00:45:39Oh, here we go, Rodney.
00:45:43Anywhere nice?
00:45:44Going to the pictures.
00:45:45Oh, that's it, Rodney.
00:45:46That's it.
00:45:47Your marriage is going down a swanny, and you bugger off to the flicks.
00:45:50Very good.
00:45:51Why don't you just butt out, then?
00:45:52All right.
00:45:53Just as you like, bruv.
00:45:54Just as you like.
00:45:59Going on your own?
00:46:00No.
00:46:01Going with someone.
00:46:07I'll whack you one in a minute.
00:46:08Believe me.
00:46:12Who are you taking?
00:46:13Cassandra?
00:46:14No, not Cassandra.
00:46:16It's a girl.
00:46:17A girl?
00:46:18Girl?
00:46:23A girl!
00:46:23Why do you all keep repeating it?
00:46:32You sound like Jive Bunny.
00:46:36I met a girl called Tanya, and I've asked her to the pictures.
00:46:38What's wrong with that?
00:46:39I don't believe I'm hearing this.
00:46:43I just absolutely don't.
00:46:44Do you?
00:46:46Mind?
00:46:47Rodney.
00:46:49You are a happily married man.
00:46:51Was a happily married man, Dale.
00:46:53Then we left the registry office, and the magic seemed to fade.
00:46:56A happily married man would be taking his wife to the pictures.
00:46:59Well, well, why don't you?
00:47:03What?
00:47:04Take Cassandra.
00:47:06Go on, give her a bell.
00:47:07She might not like to go.
00:47:08It wouldn't be room in the van for Tanya and Cassandra.
00:47:10No, I meant, give Tanya.
00:47:14Will you shut up?
00:47:16It wouldn't work, Dale.
00:47:18Even our taste in films differed.
00:47:21Cass used to like the heavy dramas and the foreign films, you know, the Grapes of Wrath and Fellini classics, all that sort of stuff.
00:47:27What are you going to see?
00:47:28Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
00:47:31It wasn't my choice.
00:47:33Tanya wants to see it.
00:47:36Tanya.
00:47:38Tanya.
00:47:39Oh!
00:47:39Tanya, oh yes.
00:47:42Isn't that the old Bow Wow down at the exhaust centre?
00:47:44Yeah, she said she...
00:47:46What do you mean Bow Wow?
00:47:47She's not a Bow Wow.
00:47:48Do me a favour, Roddy, she's like a Rottweiler with a wig.
00:47:53Dale, the Tanya I'm talking about is very pretty.
00:47:56You what?
00:47:58Have you clocked the ooter on it?
00:48:00Oh, dear, oh dear.
00:48:01I'll tell you what.
00:48:02Me and Boycey had a bet once as to whether that was her real nose or she'd had silicone injections.
00:48:07And have you ever actually spoken to this person?
00:48:11Yes, I said good morning to her once, but she didn't reply.
00:48:14She was too busy gnawing her bone.
00:48:17I think what Rodney is trying to say, Derek, is that maybe, just maybe, this girl might have a nice personality.
00:48:24Has she?
00:48:24No, not really.
00:48:26What are you going out with her for?
00:48:28Well, Rodney's heard about her reputation, hasn't he?
00:48:30I don't care about...
00:48:32Has she got a reputation?
00:48:33She's lived with a few blokes.
00:48:35A darts team, I heard.
00:48:37That is just the kind of old-fashioned, chauvinistic attitude that keeps women second-class citizens in this country.
00:48:43Listen, Raquel, listen, I'm doing this on purpose.
00:48:46Sometimes you can be such a sexist.
00:48:48No.
00:48:48You're not satisfied with tearing a poor girl to shreds because she doesn't look like Kim Bassenger.
00:48:52Oh, no.
00:48:53You've got to do a character assassination because, in the past, she's done exactly the same as you.
00:48:58Del's never lived with a darts team.
00:49:05No, listen, you don't understand, Raquel.
00:49:07You see, I'm doing it for a read.
00:49:08I'll tell you later on.
00:49:09It's all very well for young men to sow their wild oats.
00:49:12The more, the merrier.
00:49:13Shows they're red-blooded.
00:49:14But if a girl does the same thing, she's a slut.
00:49:16No, that is where you're wrong, Raquel, you see, because nowadays men can't sow their wild oats either.
00:49:22Because we've all seen the film for AIDS on the television, haven't we?
00:49:26Eh?
00:49:26And that's my point, Rodney, you see.
00:49:29That is my point.
00:49:30Today, you see, well, women are very dodgy.
00:49:35Women are dodgy?
00:49:37No, no, not you, sweethearts.
00:49:39The others, eh?
00:49:40How dare you lay the blame for a worldwide epidemic at the feet of womankind?
00:49:45Raquel, if feet were the problem, Dr. Scholl could find the cure.
00:49:50I've never heard such stupid, pig-ignorant views as yours.
00:49:53Oh, you get him on politics, Raquel, it'll blow your mind.
00:49:57What did you say?
00:49:59Derek, for your information, there is rather an ugly rumour going around.
00:50:03Oh, is there?
00:50:03Well, introduce it to Rodney, or take it to the pictures.
00:50:05The rumour is that man is the guilty party.
00:50:11Ah, no, see, sorry, sorry, but that is where you are wrong, Raquel, you see.
00:50:15Because on that commercial on the telly, this bloke walks into the disco, doesn't he?
00:50:18He walks in and this bird comes up to him.
00:50:20Oh, to hell with the telly.
00:50:21Let's get one thing clear, Derek.
00:50:23Women played no part in the creation of this plague.
00:50:25AIDS is like nylon.
00:50:26Man-made.
00:50:27You've upset her now.
00:50:37I've upset...
00:50:38Right, that is it.
00:50:39I'm out of here.
00:50:40Now, wait up, Rodney.
00:50:41Come here a minute.
00:50:42Come on, just a minute.
00:50:44Look, look.
00:50:45One little row and you think your marriage is breaking up.
00:50:49Well, it ain't, bruv, it ain't.
00:50:51You consume rekindle the old flame of passion.
00:50:55All you've got to do is take her a bottle of champagne, a nice bunch of flowers, you know.
00:50:59It's a bit corny, isn't it?
00:51:00Well, that's what I'd do.
00:51:02She goes to evening school tonight anyway, doesn't she?
00:51:04You never know, she might cancel it for you.
00:51:06God, you must be joking.
00:51:09Nothing gets in the way of her and her stupid, rotten career.
00:51:12Trying to rekindle the flame in my marriage is like giving a kiss of life to a rasher of bacon.
00:51:19Oh, come on.
00:51:21Rodney, eh?
00:51:21Remember?
00:51:22He who dares wins.
00:51:26Listen to me.
00:51:27All you've got to do is you go round there and you apologise to her.
00:51:30You just say you're sorry.
00:51:32And then she will say she's sorry to you.
00:51:34Before you know where you are, you made it up.
00:51:37You're more in love than you ever were before.
00:51:40And you might get a little bit.
00:51:44Everyone's a winner.
00:51:45Tech to vert.
00:51:45Right?
00:51:46You might get a little bit.
00:51:50Good God, it's like living with a Big Mac.
00:51:54Just for that.
00:51:54Oi, thank you very much.
00:51:56Just for that.
00:51:56You cannot take my van.
00:51:57Well, stuff your van.
00:51:59I will bust it.
00:51:59Good.
00:52:00That's the thanks I get, ain't it, eh?
00:52:13Raquel?
00:52:14Fancy going down to Nags Head for a few drinks?
00:52:17With a creep like you?
00:52:18Yeah.
00:52:19No, thank you very much.
00:52:24What a life, ain't it, eh?
00:52:26What a life.
00:52:28Hey, just a minute.
00:52:30You know that film he was talking about?
00:52:32What is it?
00:52:32Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
00:52:35What cinema is that on at?
00:52:37It's ABC and the High Street.
00:52:39Exactly.
00:52:41And what's next door to that cinema?
00:52:45Cassandra's Evening School.
00:52:46And tonight is the night that she goes.
00:52:48But she might see Rodney and this 10-year-old girl queuing outside.
00:52:52Exactly.
00:52:52That's the whole point of it, ain't he?
00:52:54That dippy Rodney, he's only trying to make Cassandra jealous.
00:52:57Ain't he?
00:52:59He's taking the advice of that Mickey Pierce.
00:53:01Mickey Pierce.
00:53:03He's had about as much success with women as you've had with boats.
00:53:08No.
00:53:09I've got to go round to Cassandra's and I've got to try and persuade her
00:53:11not to go to the evening school.
00:53:14Yeah, that's it.
00:53:14That's the answer to that.
00:53:15I'll see you later, Unc.
00:53:16See you later.
00:53:17All right.
00:53:18Del?
00:53:21Yeah?
00:53:21What is it, sweetheart?
00:53:23I'm sorry.
00:53:28Yes.
00:53:29Good.
00:53:30So am I.
00:53:30So am I, darling.
00:53:32Can we, you know, talk?
00:53:36Yeah, yeah.
00:53:36Yeah, I will.
00:53:38I'll be as quick as I can.
00:53:40Well, you don't have to be.
00:53:41Hmm?
00:53:43No, no, no, no, no.
00:53:44What I mean is I've just, you know, I've just got to pop out for a minute.
00:53:47I know, but I wanted to, you know, talk.
00:53:49Yeah, no, no.
00:53:50I mean, yeah, I don't know, but see, the thing, it's that this is very, very important, you see.
00:53:55Oh, well, here's yourself, eh?
00:53:56No, look, look, look, all I was going to pop out for a minute.
00:54:02Oh, hell, what a...
00:54:05Rodney's really upset her, hasn't he?
00:54:06No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:54:36No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:55:07Hi, sweetheart.
00:55:07All right?
00:55:08Hi.
00:55:09I was just passing, thought I'd pop in, see how you work.
00:55:10I'm fine.
00:55:11Ah, good.
00:55:12How are you?
00:55:12Hmm?
00:55:13Couldn't be better, couldn't be better.
00:55:15Er, a bit choked here about you and Rodney, though.
00:55:18Yeah, well, it's just one of those things, eh?
00:55:20Yeah, it's just one of them things, isn't it?
00:55:21Off to the evening classes again, eh?
00:55:23Yeah, it's my final exams in three weeks.
00:55:25Oh, what?
00:55:26Push, dee.
00:55:27How's Rodney?
00:55:29Oh, er, bearing up, you know?
00:55:32The police found his bike yet?
00:55:33No, no, he's toying with the idea of getting another one.
00:55:37Where is he tonight?
00:55:38Er, oh, you know, he just popped out earlier.
00:55:41Oh, well, I hope he has a good time.
00:55:43I mean, that's what he wants from life, isn't it?
00:55:46Cassandra, I know what he really wants, and deep down in your heart of hearts, I think
00:55:51you do and all.
00:55:52Yeah?
00:55:53Well, he's only got to swallow his stupid pride and ask.
00:55:55Listen, I know I have tried to talk to him, but I just can't get through to him, Mum.
00:56:01It's like my dear old Mum used to say.
00:56:03There's none so blind as them as what won't listen.
00:56:06Very true.
00:56:10Listen, listen, listen.
00:56:12Can't you two make it up somehow?
00:56:15Oh, it's impossible, Del.
00:56:16Rodney won't budge an inch on any given subject.
00:56:19He just fights me all the way.
00:56:21He doesn't like going to the bank's social evenings.
00:56:23He gets bored with my friends, and he shows it.
00:56:25The other week I invited some colleagues round.
00:56:28I cooked a lovely meal.
00:56:29I really tried hard, Del.
00:56:30No, well, you're a smashing cook, Cassandra.
00:56:33I remember that Mousse-Marinaire that you made for us last year.
00:56:37I can still taste it now.
00:56:40Anyway, one hour after we'd finished eating, Rodney decided it was time they all went home.
00:56:45So he started giving them subtle little hints, like yawning and checking his watch every three minutes.
00:56:50Finally, he started whistling the national anthem.
00:56:54Well, Rodney never was one for staying up late.
00:56:57This was Sunday lunch.
00:56:58Rodney's idea of socialising is a night out at the pub with his mates.
00:57:05What idiot wants to spend their evenings down the nags' head?
00:57:09Yeah, what idiot?
00:57:11Rodney is so immature.
00:57:12It's never going to work between us until he learns to grow up.
00:57:15You sure it's only him?
00:57:17Well, I'm not behaving childishly, if that's what you're suggesting.
00:57:19Well, I know, but you haven't phoned him, though, have you?
00:57:21I'm not phoning him first.
00:57:22He started it.
00:57:23It must have taken years of experience to come to that decision.
00:57:27Those are nice earrings, aren't they, Cassandra?
00:57:30They're lovely, aren't they?
00:57:31Yeah.
00:57:31Rodney gave them to me for my birthday.
00:57:33They're very little, aren't they?
00:57:35That's what I like about them.
00:57:37I don't want a pair of chandeliers hanging from my ears.
00:57:40These are perfect.
00:57:42Perfect?
00:57:43Oh, no.
00:57:44Rodney's...
00:57:44Rodney said what?
00:57:45No, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing at all.
00:57:47Just forget it.
00:57:48I don't believe these two.
00:57:50I get more sense out of a cross line with the crankies.
00:57:57Oh, listen, I'll tell you what.
00:57:59Cassandra, I'll tell you what.
00:58:00Look, don't go to evening classes tonight, eh?
00:58:03I'll tell you what.
00:58:03Look, why don't you come out for a meal with me and Raquel?
00:58:06Your dad's told us about this great Chinese place.
00:58:09They do a blind in one tom, by all accounts.
00:58:11Oh, maybe some other time.
00:58:12I really must go tonight.
00:58:14All right, then.
00:58:15OK, OK.
00:58:15I'll tell you what, then.
00:58:16I'll give you a lift.
00:58:17Let me give you a lift, and I'll drop you right outside the door.
00:58:19It's only 50 yards from the car park.
00:58:21Yes, I know, but you don't want to walk past that cinema queue, do you?
00:58:24Why not?
00:58:25Well, because, you know, it'll be full of yobs and all that, won't it?
00:58:28Eh?
00:58:30Look, come here, just a minute.
00:58:31Just before you...
00:58:32Just give me a minute.
00:58:33I want to ask you something.
00:58:34Sit down there, all right?
00:58:35Um, listen, have you ever had, like, a nightmare
00:58:39that Rodney's been out with another girl?
00:58:43No.
00:58:44Well, I have.
00:58:45All right.
00:58:46Um, just for argument's sake, tell me, what would your reaction be if, like, you did?
00:58:54What?
00:58:55Rodney with another girl?
00:58:56Mm.
00:58:57Oh, that wouldn't bother me.
00:58:59Oh, good, because, uh, Rodney's taken another bird to the pictures tonight.
00:59:03He's done what?
00:59:05No.
00:59:06Rodney wouldn't do that.
00:59:08Yes, yes, he would.
00:59:09Oh, yeah.
00:59:10Look, he's done it to make you jealous, you see.
00:59:13What he was hoping for, he was hoping that you would see him and this Tanya bird standing
00:59:18in the cinema queue.
00:59:19And I said, Cassandra's far too intelligent for all that.
00:59:21Who the hell's Tanya?
00:59:24Tanya?
00:59:25Well, she's the girl from the...
00:59:26It was just a silly disagreement, that's all.
00:59:29I thought you said it wouldn't bother you.
00:59:31It doesn't.
00:59:32The bastard.
00:59:33I love him.
00:59:36Well, he loves you, too.
00:59:37Oh, it looks like it.
00:59:39We only had a row about badminton and he started an affair with another woman.
00:59:43No, he hasn't.
00:59:43He's only taken some tart out to see Honey and I Shrunk the Kids.
00:59:47I wanted to see that.
00:59:49Oh, God.
00:59:54Here you are.
00:59:56Oh, God.
01:00:03Well, you're taking this very well, Cassandra.
01:00:08Thanks for telling me, Del.
01:00:09Yeah, well, all right, all right.
01:00:10I couldn't very well...
01:00:11I couldn't very well see you walk into an ambush, could I?
01:00:16Rodney's only doing this.
01:00:17It's only a silly way of trying to get you back.
01:00:19Getting me back for what?
01:00:20No, no, no.
01:00:21Not getting you back for something.
01:00:22Getting you back with him.
01:00:24I haven't gone anywhere.
01:00:25I'm still here.
01:00:26I know, I know you have, sweetheart.
01:00:28I know you are.
01:00:29I know you are.
01:00:31I'll tell you what, look.
01:00:33Look, forget it.
01:00:34Don't go to evening classes tonight, eh?
01:00:37No.
01:00:38I'll go around to my friend Emma's house.
01:00:39Yeah, that's a good idea.
01:00:41So we keep this just between ourselves, eh?
01:00:43We won't tell the neighbours or your dad about it, will we?
01:00:47No.
01:00:49Good girl, you know it makes sense.
01:00:53What time will you be back?
01:00:54I don't know.
01:00:55Late, why?
01:00:57Well, it's just that I'll get Raquel to give you a ring, you know, to cheer you up a bit.
01:01:01Yeah.
01:01:02Because her marriage broke up and all that.
01:01:07What I mean is, no, she'll understand what you are going through.
01:01:11That's all I meant.
01:01:12Yeah.
01:01:14Are you all right, sweetheart?
01:01:15Yeah.
01:01:15Okay.
01:01:16Listen, I've got to be away.
01:01:18Yeah.
01:01:18All right, I'll talk to you later.
01:01:19Okay, and thanks, Del.
01:01:21It's all right, sweetheart, all right?
01:01:23Yeah.
01:01:25You won't do anything silly, will you?
01:01:42No, I'm fine.
01:01:45Lovely job, Lee.
01:01:46I didn't know what you were doing.
01:01:56I didn't know what you were doing.
01:01:56Korean rubbish.
01:02:11I'd never put those Made in Britain stickers on them now.
01:02:13All right.
01:02:14Sorry, what did you say, sweetheart?
01:02:15Earlier this evening, when he was saying all those horrible things about women, I didn't
01:02:19realise you were trying to frighten Rodney out of his date.
01:02:21Yeah, and that didn't work, though, did it?
01:02:22I couldn't see Rodney being unfaithful, could you?
01:02:26No.
01:02:26He's not that stupid, is he?
01:02:28Oh, yeah, he's stupid enough.
01:02:29It's just that he never has any success with birds.
01:02:32I mean, that bloke has been blown out more times than a windsock.
01:02:35During the war...
01:02:36Oh, God, look at the time.
01:02:37Oh, dear.
01:02:38Midnight already.
01:02:39A crewmate of mine, Sky Piggott, died of a sexually related condition.
01:02:44Oh, yeah?
01:02:48Yeah.
01:02:50His girlfriend's husband shot him.
01:02:55Shot him.
01:02:56I wish somebody shot you.
01:03:00Yes.
01:03:01Yes, yes, yes.
01:03:02Trotters Independent Traders.
01:03:04Hello.
01:03:04Oh, it's me.
01:03:05Oh, it's you, is it, Rodney.
01:03:06And what do you want?
01:03:08I've been thinking.
01:03:10Oh, have you?
01:03:10Hang about, I'll call a press conference for tomorrow morning.
01:03:14Oh, dear, well, listen, I ain't been drinking.
01:03:17See?
01:03:19Are you sure?
01:03:21Yeah.
01:03:21Oh, no, you haven't.
01:03:22All right, go on, then.
01:03:23I've been doing a bit of growing up.
01:03:24Yeah?
01:03:25I've realised that you were right and I was wrong.
01:03:28Well, there you are, you see?
01:03:30Undo I was right.
01:03:31I told you I was right.
01:03:32But you wouldn't listen, would you, eh?
01:03:33No, I did listen.
01:03:35I bought some champagne and roses for Cassie.
01:03:37Oh, that's a bit...
01:03:38That's a bit corny, isn't it, eh?
01:03:40And a bit late.
01:03:40You should have thought that before you took this Tarnia bird to the pictures.
01:03:44You can't turn the clock back, Rodney.
01:03:46No, I didn't take Tarnia out.
01:03:48Look, it doesn't matter where you took her, you see.
01:03:51You didn't take Tarnia out?
01:03:54No.
01:03:55Well, I thought of all the things you said, so...
01:03:57I phoned her and I told her I was a married man.
01:04:00I told her I was still very much in love with my wife.
01:04:03Does that sound a bit yucky?
01:04:04Yes.
01:04:08Yes, Rodney, that sounds absolutely horrible.
01:04:12And then I thought, well, why am I saying all this to a total stranger?
01:04:15I should be telling my wife.
01:04:17So that's what I'm going to do.
01:04:19Yes, that's terrific.
01:04:19That's terrific, Rodney.
01:04:20That's terrific.
01:04:21But, no, listen, just one thing.
01:04:23Look, don't go back to the flat, all right?
01:04:25Because Cassandra isn't in, you see.
01:04:28No, no, I'm back at the flat now.
01:04:30I'll just wait for her.
01:04:31You know.
01:04:32Who's hurrying, eh?
01:04:33It's back at the flat.
01:04:35You're back at the flat now, are you?
01:04:37Well, listen, Rodney.
01:04:39Listen, I've got to tell you something.
01:04:40Oh, no.
01:04:41You've done enough for me for one day, Dil.
01:04:43No.
01:04:44No, listen, Rodney.
01:04:45I've got to say something to you.
01:04:47Something I want to say to you, Dil.
01:04:48Yeah?
01:04:49What is it?
01:04:51I love you, Dil boy.
01:04:56You dick stick.
01:05:03What's happened?
01:05:04Rodney.
01:05:05It's Rodney.
01:05:06He's only gone back to his flat, hasn't he, eh?
01:05:07Well, that's good, isn't it?
01:05:09No, it isn't good, Raquel.
01:05:10It is very, very ungood.
01:05:13Damn, I can't get through.
01:05:15Must have taken the phone off the hook.
01:05:17Perhaps the lie's engaged.
01:05:19The only thing that's engaged is Rodney's hormones.
01:05:22Look, I don't understand this.
01:05:24You've been telling Rodney to go back to Cassandra for ages.
01:05:27Yes, I know that.
01:05:28That was before he took Tanya to see Honey, I Shrunk the Bloody Kids.
01:05:31But you just said Rodney didn't take Tanya.
01:05:34Yes, he didn't.
01:05:36But you see, Cassandra, she thinks he did.
01:05:39What makes her think that?
01:05:44I don't know, do I?
01:05:45Something must have told her, I suppose, something.
01:05:51Oh, Del, you didn't.
01:05:54I couldn't help it.
01:05:56I was only doing it for her.
01:05:58I couldn't see the poor little mare walk past the cinema queue
01:06:01and see her husband groping Miss Quick Fit, could I?
01:06:05I didn't want to see Cassandra hurt.
01:06:08I mean, she's family, isn't she?
01:06:11Oh, God.
01:06:13I'm going to go round there, round over there flat
01:06:15and see if I can catch Cassandra
01:06:16and say to her that I made a mistake
01:06:20and do it before she sets eyes on that, that, that Wally.
01:06:26Why does he have to interfere?
01:06:30It's just his nature.
01:06:32Still, prove his heart's in the right place.
01:06:35Hmm.
01:06:36Pity about his brain.
01:06:37Yeah.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:42Did I happen to mention
01:06:44As you tease me through
01:06:48Did I happen to mention
01:06:51I'm waiting for you
01:06:53I've been meaning to tell you
01:07:01I'm sorry, I've been meaning to tell you, I can't wait for love for you, I've been meaning to tell you, you still love me so much.
01:07:15I've come home.
01:07:17You!
01:07:18Cassandra, will you just give me a minute to explain?
01:07:21Get out of here, Robin. Go to bloody Tania's or whatever her name is.
01:07:25Tania? I don't know anyone called Tania. Is that a man or a woman?
01:07:30Oh, don't try and deny it, Robin. Del told me all about the two of you.
01:07:33Well, he wasn't lying!
01:07:35She worked for the...
01:07:36Lovely evening, innit?
01:07:38Well, that's not the last one in lodges.
01:07:40Stuff the roses.
01:07:42Cass, if you just calm down for one minute, you realise this has all been a big mistake.
01:07:46Our marriage is a big mistake.
01:07:48Cass, we always said if we had a problem we would sit down and...
01:07:51Oh, just bugger off!
01:07:55Cass!
01:07:56What did you tell her?
01:07:57Well, I had to, Rodney, to save her from any pain.
01:07:58Well, what about me?
01:07:59She just whacked me in a shit with a badminton racket!
01:08:00Yeah, don't you raise your voice at...
01:08:01It's gone, midnight.
01:08:02Well, go back to bed, then!
01:08:03Get down!
01:08:04Get down!
01:08:05Get down!
01:08:06All right!
01:08:07Just calm yourself down!
01:08:08Just calm yourself down, all right?
01:08:09You...
01:08:10You, of all people, grass me up!
01:08:11And you grass me up for something I didn't even do!
01:08:14Have you any idea what Cassandra's reaction would have been if she'd seen you with that tarnier salt?
01:08:15Yes!
01:08:16She's just giving me a bloody good example of it!
01:08:17You, of all people, grass me up!
01:08:18And you grass me up for something I didn't even do!
01:08:21Have you any idea what Cassandra's reaction would have been if she'd seen you with that tarnier salt?
01:08:27Yes!
01:08:28She's just giving me a bloody good example of it!
01:08:30I wasn't going to take tarnier out!
01:08:31I changed my mind before I got to the bottom of the lift!
01:08:32I just made a stupid fret out of anger and frustration!
01:08:38You said...
01:08:39I know what I said!
01:08:40But there's a world of difference between saying and doing, isn't there?
01:08:42Who were you?
01:08:43What are you doing?
01:08:44It's a very beautiful thing!
01:08:46The old people grass me up!
01:08:48The old people grass me up!
01:08:49And you grass me up for something I didn't even do!
01:08:52Have you any idea what Cassandra's reaction would have been if she'd seen you with that tarnier salt?
01:08:59saying and doing, isn't there?
01:09:00If I'd gone to the police every time you said
01:09:03you were going to kill me, you'd still be slopping out
01:09:05in Parkhurst.
01:09:06Well, thanks to you, my wife now thinks I'm having
01:09:09a passionate affair with the siren of the exhaust
01:09:11centre, and you've offended my neighbours.
01:09:13People are trying to
01:09:15sleep. Shut up!
01:09:18Calm down.
01:09:19Just calm down, alright?
01:09:23Alright. Fair enough.
01:09:26I'll be
01:09:27sorry.
01:09:29Sorry.
01:09:31Yes.
01:09:33I'm sorry.
01:09:38Look, is there anything
01:09:40I can do to help?
01:09:42Yes, piss off!
01:09:45You just
01:09:46listen to me, you ungrateful little dipstick.
01:09:48I've struggled over here in the middle of the night
01:09:50just to help you, and
01:09:52I was on a promise.
01:09:54Listen to me.
01:09:56I don't want your help.
01:09:57I don't want your favours,
01:09:59your assistance,
01:10:00all your advice.
01:10:02I don't want nothing off you
01:10:03for the rest of my life.
01:10:04I was only trying to do the best
01:10:09for Cassandra and you.
01:10:13Yeah, and to make sure you got all that printing done on the cheap.
01:10:19You don't really believe that, do you, Rodney?
01:10:22Probably not.
01:10:25I don't.
01:10:30Let's see.
01:10:30Bill.
01:10:52Bill.
01:10:56What?
01:10:58I've locked myself out.
01:11:01Done what?
01:11:02I've ripped my key upstairs.
01:11:04Well, press the buzzer on the intercom and tell Cassandra.
01:11:07She won't let me in.
01:11:08No, I know, but it might cheer her up a bit.
01:11:16This whole thing hasn't gone quite as well as I know.
01:11:19No.
01:11:22Well, that's jealousy for you, bruv.
01:11:26Very dangerous thing.
01:11:28Well, we've nailed this right up, haven't we?
01:11:33So what's new?
01:11:38What am I going to do, Dale?
01:11:40Come on, Rodney.
01:11:52Come on.
01:11:54Let's go home.
01:11:55I don't know what you're thinking.
01:12:02Should I stay or say goodbye?
01:12:08You blow smoke on the ceiling.
01:12:14You don't want to look into my eyes.
01:12:19You've got somebody who loves you, and I want to see you pan the fire.
01:12:33Wrap the sheets around you, with me hugged up inside.
01:12:38I want to look into my eyes.
01:12:40I want to see you pan the fire.
01:12:44Come on, stop the blaze, and don't run for cover.
01:12:48You've got somebody who loves you, and I want to see you pan the fire.
01:13:00Come on, stop the base, and don't run for cover.
01:13:18Mistake.
01:13:19Mistaken.
01:13:20Sickness can be costly.
01:13:23You've got somebody who loves you, and I want to see you pain the fire.
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