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Tv, Only Fools And Horses S08E03 1996 - Time On Our Hands
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one what's driving me berserk
00:29Why do only fours and horses work
00:33La la la la, la la la la, la la la la la
00:38La la la la la la, la la la la
00:41Potatoes, garlic, lemongrass
00:47Lemongrass?
00:49Where am I going to get lemongrass from?
00:52Oh, to hell with it, we'll have to have it without lemongrass
00:54Yeah, why are you doing that this early?
00:58Let me show you up my seat
00:59I couldn't sleep, I'm worried about tonight
01:01No, you don't have to worry, sweetheart
01:03It's only your mum and dad, isn't it, coming for dinner?
01:05It's not only my mum and dad coming for dinner
01:07What, are they bringing the neighbours and all, are they?
01:11No, I mean, it's not that simple
01:12My parents and I didn't see each other for years
01:14Didn't even talk
01:16Yeah, I know, but you've kissed and made up now, aren't you?
01:18You and Damien, you went up there for the weekend at their house
01:20Well, I know, but now they're coming here
01:22They've never been to the flat before
01:24I've never cooked for them before
01:26They've never met you before
01:28Well, exactly, I'd be right by your side, wouldn't I, eh?
01:33Anyway, what did you tell them about me?
01:34Well, I said your name was Derek
01:37That's about it, really
01:39Yeah, well, with a bloke like me
01:43That's all you need to know, really, isn't it, eh?
01:45Right
01:46What are you going to do us to eat?
01:48Noisettes of lamb in red wine and cognac
01:50You don't need to go to all that trouble, sweetheart
01:52A bacon sandwich will do me
01:54Oh, I see
01:56Oh, that's for tonight
01:57Oh, lamb in wine
01:59Hey, that's going to be lovely jubbly
02:01Morning, all
02:02Morning, hon
02:03Morning
02:03And another thing
02:04You promised to get another table and some proper armchairs
02:07We can't eat at that thing
02:08It's all right, it's all right
02:09It's taken care of, sweetheart
02:10Denzel's coming round later on
02:13He's going to clear all this gear out
02:14And drop off the new stuff
02:15Anyway, I don't know why you're going to all this bother
02:18Really, I don't
02:19I said we could take them out for dinner
02:21You know, I'm really well in with the manager at a local restaurant
02:24No
02:25This is my home now
02:26And if my parents want me back in their lives
02:28They'd better get used to it
02:29Besides, a spudgy light's always full on a Friday
02:32That's true
02:34Anyway, I'll get some breakfast then, shall I?
02:36Okay
02:36Will you check me on a bar, see if we've got any cognac?
02:38Yeah, all right
02:39There you go
02:40Yeah, I've got plenty of it
02:41All right, Albert, what do you want?
02:43Well, we're starting early
02:44I'll have a cognac as well
02:45No, no, you old git
02:49That's for tonight
02:50Look, will you tell Raquel to stop worrying and fussing about this meal tonight?
02:55You've got nothing to worry about, love
02:56Well, all in the hand
02:57You do the meat and I'll do the gravy
02:59Yeah, that's all right
03:00And I'll do the veg
03:01I'm a dab-an with a pint of water and a bucket of cabbage
03:04Here you go
03:04The only thing we've got to worry about is whether that bloody lift's working
03:07Broke down twice this week
03:09We can't have Cassandra climbing up all those stairs
03:12Not after what she's been through
03:13Are her and Rodney coming to dinner?
03:16Well, I invited them
03:17But the way they are at the moment, who knows?
03:19Yeah, well, I hope they do
03:20They need to get out
03:20What do you mean?
03:21Rodney's out every night?
03:22Yes, I know
03:23He's got a lot on his mind, Raquel
03:25He's got a lot on his mind
03:26And how do you think Cassandra feels?
03:28She's the one who's had the miscarriage
03:29She needs her husband by her side
03:31Not out drinking in some pub or club
03:34Yes, I know
03:35But she's a woman, isn't she?
03:36She's stronger than Rodney
03:37No, I mean, I've known Rodney all his life
03:43He's always had this problem about facing up to things that hurt him
03:47What he tends to do is to walk away and pretend it isn't happening
03:51That's what he's doing now
03:52But, you know, as soon as he gets it off his chest
03:55He's going to be fine
03:56See?
03:58All right, don't worry, I'll get it
03:59Trotters Independent Traders
04:04Oh, hello, Cassandra
04:06Cool, you're up early
04:08What are you doing that for?
04:10You are?
04:11Oh, right
04:12Rodney was only out again last night
04:15Didn't get home till the early hours
04:18Oh, no, you were with him
04:19Well, you'd better talk to her
04:25Come on then, you talk to her, will you?
04:26I'll take it in the kitchen
04:27Yeah, all right, all right
04:28What Rodney needs is a counter-worry
04:31You what?
04:32Well, during the...
04:33If you say during the war, once more
04:34I'm going to pour this cup of tea right over your head
04:37I wasn't going to say during the war
04:39Well, that's all right then
04:41Bloody little Noel
04:42You're all right
04:42I'm sorry
04:44Thank you
04:45During the 1939-1945 conflict in Germany
04:50I was sailing on a frigate, HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic
04:58Now, in those days, the ship's crew was full of stress and fear
05:02Yeah, I'm not surprised when they saw you walking up the gang
05:04So our old skipper, Captain Kingworthy
05:08He used to allay all those fears by creating a counter-worry
05:11Like, one day he announced there was a cholera epidemic on the ship
05:15Really? Well, that must have cheered you all up, didn't it?
05:18Well, it took their minds off the U-boats and the sharks
05:20I see
05:21Well, it's a good job your Captain Kenworthy didn't join the Samaritans
05:24Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to get a barge under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies
05:28He's still the same
05:30Cassandra said he's even stopped going to see the counsellor at the hospital
05:34Oh, dear
05:34Well, Albert reckons we ought to tell Rodney that there's a cholera epidemic in Peckham
05:39And that should get him out of his mood
05:40I say, give him a counter-way
05:43Look, if Rodney thought a close friend or a relative was ill
05:47He'd start worrying about them and stop worrying about himself
05:49Yeah, I see
05:51So when that person became better, Rodney would have forgotten what he was worried about in the first place
05:55Exactly
05:56Well, it's worth a try
05:58It's got to be someone he really cares for
06:00Damien
06:01How can he ask a five-year-old to act ill?
06:04I could pretend for you
06:06Yes, but how would he know the difference?
06:10No, no, look, it's got to be me, ain't it?
06:11Eh?
06:12All right, that's him now
06:13All right, all right
06:14Okay, come on, we'll give it a well
06:15We'll give it a try
06:16I'm ill
06:16I'm ill, all right, come on
06:17Morning
06:21Morning, son
06:23How's Cassandra?
06:25Fine, thank you
06:26Good morning, Rodney
06:28How are you?
06:33I'm all right
06:33Del's not very well, Rodney
06:37Oh, well, I'll go home then
06:38It's all right, I might make a recovery
06:44We called the doctor in last night
06:47I bet you're wondering what he said, aren't you?
06:53What?
06:54He said I would live, but he didn't recommend it
06:58Right
07:02I'm really worried, Rodney
07:05Has he ever suffered with pleurisy?
07:07Only when he's tried to spell it
07:09I'll make a pot of tea
07:14You're nice for you
07:15All right
07:18All right, Raquel, I'll have a cup
07:20Oh, Raquel
07:21Can I have a cup of tea too, please?
07:26Aye
07:26It's all right, I'll get it
07:27Aye
07:28Oh, thank you
07:29Rodney
07:29Rodney
07:30Thank you, Rodney
07:31Rodney
07:32Thank you, Rod
07:33Rod
07:33Well, we're the uncaring little git
07:36I could be on me last knockings here
07:39He doesn't care whether I've got yellow fever or foot fungus
07:42You all right, Rodgers
07:53What are you up to?
07:55Catalog in our stock
07:56Gonna put all of this on computer
07:58On computer?
08:00Now, we've had this discussion before
08:01That's dangerous
08:03That means anyone could hack in
08:05And find out what we got
08:06If we think someone was hacking into our computer
08:09All the police would have to do
08:10Is go and arrest Mr Bean
08:11I mean, look
08:14These are the entire records for Trotters Independent Traders
08:18I began filing them when I first started working for you 16 years ago
08:22But you told me to stop it
08:24Yeah, because we don't need it, do we?
08:26Because it's all up here
08:27I mean, squirrels, they ain't got computers
08:30But they know where their nuts are
08:31I'm gonna make a note of everything
08:34And I'm gonna chuck a lot of this junk out
08:36Hey, you be careful
08:38One man's junk is another man's treasures
08:40Derek, we have got a pile of Shawaddy Waddy LPs
08:44Under a time for a Triumph Herald and an artificial limb
08:47These are not gonna make big news on the Antiques Roadshow
08:51Not all that
08:54Hey
08:54Hey
08:55Hey
08:56These LPs, you know, they're collector's items
08:58Oh
08:58All right
09:00Well, let's see if we can find a one-legged Shawaddy Waddy freak
09:03And flog them too
09:04And if he turns up in The Triumph Herald
09:06We've had a result
09:07Look Rodley, what is the matter with you?
09:10What is the matter with me?
09:14Yes.
09:15Didn't anybody tell you?
09:17Look, Rodney, I'm sorry.
09:19My wife was rushed to hospital a fortnight ago and we lost a...
09:23There's nothing wrong with me, Dill, right?
09:25Everything's hunky-dory.
09:27Look, look, it's all right.
09:29Rodney, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
09:31You know, I had a dream a few weeks ago.
09:34I dreamt you and Damien ruled the world.
09:36Oh, yeah?
09:37Yeah.
09:37Yeah, you own companies, corporations, conglomerates everywhere.
09:42It was horrible.
09:45Do you know what I was?
09:47A messenger.
09:49You and Damien were presidents and chairmen and I was a bloody messenger.
09:53And I thought, oh, God, maybe it's not a dream.
09:55Maybe it's a prophecy.
09:57You know, like in the Bible when King David saw seven fat cows and seven skinny ones.
10:02No, that just sounds like he's come out of the Nag's Head disco.
10:05I mean, nothing's ever gone right for me, has it?
10:19No, I know what you mean, Rodders.
10:22I'd have a bit of good luck, Dill.
10:25Not just for me, for all of us.
10:28Just wish something good would turn up.
10:31So would everyone, Rodney.
10:35That's why they're all out there doing the lottery, aren't they?
10:38I mean, look, if it were up to me, right, what I'd like to do, I'd like to be able to say, well, say this.
10:45Say that was life's lucky dick.
10:47What I would like to do, I'd love to just go, ta-da!
10:51There it is, look.
10:52That is going to change our lives.
10:54It won't, will it, eh?
10:58Because life is not like that.
11:05Have you made any attempt to discuss this with Cassandra?
11:08Dill, will you just leave it alone?
11:10Look, I'm only trying to help, Rodney.
11:12You can't keep walking away from this.
11:14I am not walking away from it.
11:16Look, you get the lift, I'll take the stairs.
11:18Hang about, look, it's here now, don't bother.
11:20Come on, look, it's here, all right?
11:22I won't mention it again, all right?
11:29Look at the state of these lifts.
11:32All right, what's going on in there, Rodney?
11:33Well, just a bunch of half-heads, aren't they?
11:38Look, Del Boy is a sex machine.
11:42Why would you say it like that?
11:46I don't know.
11:50Rodney Trotter?
11:55The lying gets?
11:59What's happening?
12:06Hey.
12:08It's broken down.
12:10Oh, the lift, it's broken down.
12:12Oh, the poxy bleeding council.
12:16Well, it's broken down, it ain't the matter with me.
12:19What, press the alarm button?
12:20Hey, I'll do it, I'll press the alarm button, I'm pressing the alarm button.
12:24It's the alarm button.
12:25It's broken, that, listen, it's not working either now, that's broken.
12:28Hey, hey, come on, open up here.
12:30There's a couple of blokes here trapped in the lift.
12:31Hey, all right, all right.
12:33There's nothing to get into a lava about it.
12:36Someone will press for the lift in a minute, realise it's not working and call the engineers.
12:40We'll be out soon.
12:42Yeah, well, I just, I just don't like being closed in like this.
12:46I never knew you was close to a phone, then.
12:48I'm not.
12:48I just don't like being closed in like this.
12:52There we go.
12:53Come on, look.
12:53Sit down on the floor and relax.
12:55I'll be here in a minute.
12:56Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, all right, let's try, I'll sit down on the floor.
13:00That's it, that's it, take it nice and easy.
13:01Calm down, just, just calm down, will you?
13:08Cos the oxygen, right, that falls down to the bottom, and this way we get cleaner air.
13:13Yeah, good, good.
13:14Your lifts are broken again.
13:32We had to carry that stuff up 12 flights of stairs.
13:35Bill said him and Rodney'd be here to help.
13:37So where are they?
13:39I don't know.
13:41Listen, Raquel, it's not my fault.
13:44Del asked me to deliver that table and to store this stuff in me locker.
13:48Yes.
13:49And the table and chairs are only on hire.
13:52Yeah, they've got to go back by Monday.
13:53They're having a posh do at the town hall.
14:03Well, not here yet, all right, eh?
14:05Hey!
14:06Hey!
14:07Well, give them time.
14:08Sit down, take it easy.
14:11Yeah, yeah, all right, take it easy.
14:14Who's playing a game?
14:17Who's playing a game?
14:18Why, you've got a ball in your pocket or something?
14:21Different sort of game.
14:23I spy.
14:25I spy?
14:26Yeah.
14:27Well, you can go first.
14:29All right, then.
14:30I spy with my little I something beginning with W.
14:33I spy with you.
14:37Walls?
14:37Walls, that's right.
14:38Now, that's the end of that game, then, innit?
14:41All right, who dreams are going on?
14:43All right, then.
14:44What about hide and seek?
14:47You're acting like a big kid just because you're trapped in a lift for a while.
14:51Yes.
14:51Yeah, well, you don't know how I feel.
14:56I feel...
14:57I feel sort of...
14:59Frightened!
15:01You don't know what that's like.
15:03I don't know what that's like?
15:05How do you think I've felt for the last couple of weeks since Cassie...
15:08Since what happened?
15:11I don't know.
15:12I don't know how you felt, Rodney.
15:14Well, I'll tell you, frightened ain't the words.
15:19Do you know what I did the other night?
15:20No, but I bet it was depressing.
15:24I sat and read my diaries from when I was a school kid.
15:26You see, it was right.
15:28No, not quite.
15:30I actually noticed moments of hope within those pages.
15:36I mean, there weren't many.
15:38Just the occasional oasis of promise in a desert of pessimism.
15:43They were simple hopes, as you'd expect for someone of my age.
15:46I hope for...
15:48...hairs.
15:53I'll do well in my exams.
15:58I even hope for a good job when I left school.
16:01Well, you got hairs, didn't you?
16:03I think our right said Fred must feel.
16:09I think Cass was so happy now.
16:13We were looking forward, and all we could see in front of us was this big, wide highway,
16:18and we were just cruising down it, and all of a sudden, it came to a shuddering hub.
16:25Just like this poxy lift.
16:30Suddenly, happy families became Dungeons and Dragons.
16:33And I've never felt so I didn't paint like that in all my life.
16:46Is Cassandra hurting?
16:48Of course she is.
16:51How do you know?
16:53You haven't talked to her about it.
16:55No.
16:56And you know why?
16:57It's because, it's because I, it's almost if, if I don't talk about it, then it might not be true.
17:06But it is.
17:08I know, I know.
17:09But if I don't say it.
17:12If you don't say what?
17:16We lost our baby.
17:17But you did.
17:24And you have said it.
17:27Yeah, I said it.
17:36You just, you shield yourself from it, you know?
17:44I've just been lying, haven't I?
17:48Yes.
17:50And what about Cassandra?
17:54Not her.
17:57Cassandra can't tell a lie.
18:01Raquel can.
18:04The moment one leaves my lips.
18:12Both those lips have broken down again.
18:18Is this the staff Del was talking about?
18:20Yes.
18:28Cassie seems so fragile.
18:32I wanted to cuddle her and talk to her about it, but I was frightened I might sort of break her.
18:41No.
18:42She's strong, Rodney.
18:44Look, it's just a dropped stitch in life's tapestry.
18:50That's what Mum used to say.
18:55What do I say to her, Del?
18:59Well, you tell her exactly what you told me.
19:02You can leave out the bit about the hairs, if you like.
19:04You go home right now and you have a heart-to-heart, right?
19:12While you're there, you ask her if she wants to come round for dinner tonight.
19:14I can't, mate.
19:18I've got a real problem with that.
19:20What is it?
19:21I'm stuck in a bloody leaf.
19:24Oh, yeah.
19:26Let's have another look at this thing, shall we?
19:29Right.
19:33Claustrophobia cleared up quick, didn't it?
19:34Yeah, well, I got over the worst of it.
19:38Almost as quick as that flu you had this morning.
19:41Well, these things, they come and go, don't they?
19:43Look at this.
19:43I wonder what this switch does here.
19:48Come on.
19:49Cue.
19:51Cue kids.
19:53You stopped it.
19:57It's the only way I could get you talking.
20:01Can't run away in a broken lift.
20:04Cue kids.
20:10Cue kids.
20:11Cue kids.
20:13Cue kids.
20:15Come here.
20:17Oi.
20:17Come on.
20:21Tell us I'm bound to have forgotten something.
20:24Calm down.
20:25Everything's fine.
20:26You'll have a hot flush in a minute.
20:27I'm just so nervous something will go wrong.
20:31Del.
20:32Hmm?
20:33At least don't use any of your French phrases to my parents.
20:35Oh, that's really hot.
20:36Aren't they up on the old French lingo or what?
20:38No.
20:40The meat.
20:41All right.
20:42I'll get the wine out of the fridge.
20:44Well, everything seems to be going according to the plan.
20:48Damien, now.
20:49Don't do that.
20:50Dear, oh, dear.
20:51Look, it's only plastic.
20:52You'll break it.
20:53Make the gravy and put it in the bottom of it.
20:57Thank you, Albert.
20:58Hey, Damien, you go and sit around there.
21:00All right?
21:00Good.
21:00He's a good boy.
21:01Right.
21:01Now, remember, we've got to go, uh, girl boy, girl boy, girl boy, and Uncle Albert.
21:07Um, I'm starting to abuse you.
21:09Hey, what's that?
21:10Oh, God.
21:10Again, calm down the lot of your own arms at the door.
21:14Not good you'd have been on the Russian conboys.
21:16Good evening.
21:23Please come in.
21:25You must be Raquel's parents.
21:27Yes.
21:27My wife, Audrey, and I'm James.
21:29Lovely to meet you.
21:31Please follow me.
21:35She did say he was older than her.
21:43Hi, Mum.
21:44Dad.
21:45Darling.
21:46Nanny, Grandad.
21:48Oh, watch out.
21:48Here comes trouble.
21:50Now, Mum, Dad, uh, this is Derek's brother, Rodney, and his wife, Cassandra, James, and Audrey.
21:56Lovely to meet you.
21:57Lovely to meet you.
21:59And this is my...
22:01This is Derek.
22:04Shh.
22:05Au revoir.
22:08Oh, you had to.
22:10We thought...
22:10We thought...
22:11We thought you were busy working this evening.
22:13Oh, no, not this evening.
22:15No, no, not on a special occasion like this.
22:18As it is a special occasion, I bought this rather nice bottle of port.
22:22It's 15 years old.
22:23Oh, thank you.
22:2415 years old.
22:26Well, I have to watch that.
22:27It might have acne.
22:28Well, OK, let's get started then.
22:34Shall we start off with a nice little aperitif, right?
22:38OK.
22:39Here we are.
22:40Well, I'm knocking them bandy, aren't I?
22:47Right.
22:48There's the gravy.
22:50Ah.
22:51Rodney, would you fill the wine glasses, please?
22:53Oh, yes, of course.
22:55More wine, no drink.
22:58James?
22:59No, I don't think I should.
23:00I've got to drive back to the hotel tonight.
23:02Why don't you get a cab back, pick up the car in the morning?
23:05What do you think?
23:06It's your decision.
23:07Well, the hell.
23:08Pour away, Rodney.
23:10Yes, that's the spirit.
23:11You don't make sense.
23:12You always leave your car outside.
23:14He better put his car in our garage, eh?
23:18Is it not safe outside?
23:19Well, not if you become attached to your wheels, it's not.
23:24So, here we go, look.
23:26No, excuse me.
23:29I'm just going to get another bottle of wine,
23:32so why don't you all, um, you know,
23:35chapelle a dent, right?
23:39So, Albert was in the Navy?
23:41Very much so.
23:42I was in the Royal Navy myself.
23:45Twelve years.
23:45First officer.
23:46You and Albert will have to have a chat.
23:48After we've gone home.
23:52It's going really well out there.
23:55Had to come and open another bottle of wine.
23:58What are you doing?
23:59I made a coffee.
24:01What do you mean you made a coffee?
24:03It's too early.
24:04They haven't finished their mains yet.
24:06It don't usually take us that long to finish our dinner, does it?
24:10No, I know that.
24:10Yes.
24:11That is because we're not golloping down at Big Mac and chips, are we?
24:15We've got guests.
24:17We're taking our time.
24:18We're savouring the food and the ambience.
24:21We're sipping the wine and we're conversing.
24:23I mean, out there, they're having a chat between each mouthful.
24:28It's sophisticated.
24:30It's civilised.
24:31Right?
24:33Okay, don't worry.
24:34I'll whack this in the microwave.
24:36Oi, just a minute.
24:41What coffee did you make this with?
24:43That jar over there.
24:46This ain't coffee.
24:47Smell it.
24:48It's bloody gravy.
24:49Yeah, that's gravy.
24:52He's known my voice and Joe.
24:54Look at him.
24:55How am I supposed to tell the difference?
24:57I'll tell you how you tell the difference.
24:59This one has on the label, Maxwell House Coffee.
25:03And on this label, it says, Oxo Gravy Granules.
25:06Well, that's a bit of a giveaway, really, isn't it?
25:10Well, I was in an area and I got mixed up.
25:13I'll mix you up in a minute.
25:15Wait a minute.
25:16Wait a minute.
25:17If you've made gravy in the coffin,
25:21what are they pouring over their dinners in there?
25:28This looks lovely, darling.
25:34Oi.
25:35Wonderful.
25:37Busty.
25:42They're only doing it.
25:44They're only out there doing it now.
25:47They're only pouring Maxwell bleed now.
25:50Not with their loud noise, wax and veg.
25:55I don't believe you.
25:58Not only have you managed to sink every aircraft carrier and battleship that you've assailed on,
26:03but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat.
26:06What are we going to do?
26:10Well, I ain't having any of it.
26:12Hey, you.
26:16Not yet, darling.
26:17Wait for Daddy.
26:18So, how long were you in the Navy, Albert?
26:20Over 50 years, man and boy.
26:23Started in the merchant, went on to the royal and back to the merchant.
26:27Amazing.
26:28You must have some stories to tell.
26:29Oh, God, yes.
26:31Oh, God, yes.
26:33Sorry about that.
26:34I couldn't get the cork out of the wine.
26:37Del?
26:38Hmm?
26:38No.
26:40No, thank you.
26:42I'm trying to give it up.
26:43Robert?
26:44Don't for me, dear.
26:45Oh, yes.
26:46You'll have some.
26:47You know how you like your gravy, don't you?
26:51Oh.
26:59Get.
27:00Are you a naval man, Derek?
27:04No.
27:05No, James.
27:06I'm more of a leg man myself.
27:13No, Dad meant, were you in the Navy?
27:16Oh, I see.
27:17No, I wasn't, actually, James.
27:19So, when I was younger, I did consider a career in the services.
27:26Oh.
27:27Oh.
27:29Oh.
27:30This is horrible.
27:41I hope you won't be offended, darling, but I'm rather full up.
27:45No, no, come on.
27:50We've got afters to come, yeah?
27:51We've got Mandarin segments and instant whip.
27:53No.
27:56All right.
27:57Well, I'll fetch the coffee.
28:02Great.
28:09Ah.
28:09Ahoy there, Jimbo.
28:11Morning, Derek.
28:13Rodney?
28:14How are you this morning?
28:15Oh, fine.
28:16Had a bit of a chippy tummy last night.
28:18Well, thanks for looking after the car.
28:20Ah, mange tu, mange tu, mon plageiro.
28:23No, this is your ladding's cave I've heard so much about.
28:26Yes, yes, this is it.
28:28As I was saying, Jim, you know, you and I are in the same sort of business.
28:31I mean, you're an antiques dealer, and I've got some interesting things.
28:35Yeah.
28:36Well, my dad, long journey.
28:38You must come down and visit us sometime.
28:40Oh, yes, I will.
28:40You bet.
28:41Now, you mind how you go, eh?
28:43What's that?
28:44Um, it's a guest, Doug.
28:48No, I mean on top of it.
28:50Oh, that's just an old watch I got out of a house clearance years ago.
28:58I'll tell you what I have got.
28:59I've got some very nice shawaddy-waddy LPs.
29:02Good Lord.
29:09I know, it's filthy, isn't it, eh?
29:11Er, Rudney, have you got any of that WD-40 there?
29:13We give it this thing.
29:14No, I mean it has the name Harrison engraved in it.
29:17You can see there.
29:18Harrison, A.D. 1774.
29:21How did you come by this watch, Doug?
29:25Well, it was about 15, 16 years ago.
29:29It was this old girl down Deptford Way.
29:31She owned a pawn shop.
29:33Anyway, she died.
29:34Right, she had no family, so they sold off the shop and her landlord asked me to clear out her house.
29:40And I found that and a load of other rubbish up in the loft.
29:43Oh, is it any good, then?
29:46Good?
29:48John Harrison was just about the finest watchmaker of his time.
29:51Of any time.
29:54If this is what I'm beginning to think it is...
29:57God, I'm shaking.
29:59Why, you didn't have that much to drink last night, did you?
30:01Have you any proof that this watch is your property?
30:05A receipt, something like that?
30:07Oh, well, no, you see, don't keep receipts.
30:09They just cluttered a place up.
30:12Oh, do you reckon that's worth something, then?
30:15Assuming it's not a copy, yes.
30:18Hold on.
30:1916 years ago, that's when I started working for you.
30:22Yes, thank you, Rodney.
30:23Could we leave This Is Your Life to Michael Aspel?
30:27I meant I used to keep files, then.
30:30Hold on.
30:31Hold on.
30:33You see, Derek, I've always been very keen on horology.
30:39I thought it was too good to be true.
30:41Good, now he's going to tell our bloody fortune.
30:45Horology.
30:46He's an expert in watches.
30:49Oh, that sort of horology.
30:51I've got it.
30:52Eh?
30:53I've got it.
30:54Receipt from the landlord, look.
30:56For two paintings, four jugs, one rocking chair, one silver fob watch, engraved Harrison.
31:02Ha!
31:03Good boy, Rodders.
31:05What have I always told you?
31:06I've always said, always keep the receipts.
31:09I'm in handy.
31:10What have you written down here?
31:12Victoria?
31:12Yes, thanks very much, Rodney.
31:13Here you are, Jimbo.
31:14This is marvellous.
31:15I've never been so excited.
31:17I bet Audrey had a blinding honeymoon, then.
31:19What exactly do you think it is he?
31:24I'm almost too frightened to say it.
31:27To put it simply, back in the early 1700s, sea captains found it almost impossible to plot
31:33their positions once out of sight of land, until John Harrison invented the first accurate
31:37marine timekeeper to tell seafarers exactly where they were on the globe.
31:43He went on to make many of these instruments, and we know the whereabouts of all of them,
31:47except the last one, the lesser watch, as he called it.
31:51We have his designs for the piece, but the watch itself was never found.
31:54People have been searching for it for over 300 years.
31:58You don't think I see it, do you?
31:59Well, if it is Rodney, God.
32:05Well, aren't they?
32:07Something the next thing we know, right?
32:09Raquel's old man's been on the phone to us.
32:11Yeah.
32:11And he's shown it to some experts, and it's only kosher.
32:15What, this is the watch that's been missing for over 300 years?
32:18Yes, the Harrison Lesser Watch.
32:21So what is it?
32:27It's a watch.
32:29Yeah, well, it's more than that.
32:31It lets you know exactly where you are anywhere in the world.
32:35How'd it get lost then?
32:42I know how it got lost.
32:43So I just did.
32:45Yeah, if I hadn't realised its full value and rescued here,
32:48I mean, it could have ended up anywhere.
32:50Yeah, like chucked on top of an old gas cooker.
32:54And it's going to be auction.
32:56That's right, it's afternoon.
32:582.30, it's other bitter.
33:00Ooh.
33:00Ooh.
33:03Ooh.
33:03So how much do you reckon it's worth then?
33:12Well, you see, I don't know.
33:13Because nothing like this has ever come on the market before.
33:15It could be, what, 10 grand?
33:17Yeah, 15, 20 maybe.
33:19Well, on your way back from the auction,
33:21drop by my showrooms,
33:22I've got a lovely couple of Skodas at 5 grand.
33:27You won't be laughing like that when we come back to start a new.
33:30So you two could be famous then?
33:32Well, among watchmakers.
33:35Well, why not?
33:36You know, we discovered it.
33:37And as Andy Warhol said,
33:39everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.
33:41Well, how can everyone be famous for 15 minutes
33:43if there's not enough time in the world, is there?
33:48No, he didn't mean everyone would be famous.
33:51You know, he was just generalising upon modern society.
33:53You know, people become famous for a little while,
33:55then they disappear.
33:56Like, Rennie and Renata.
33:58Rennie and Renata, Simon D.
34:01Or Gandhi.
34:03Yeah!
34:05So, see, maybe this time, it's hard.
34:09Gandhi.
34:10Yeah.
34:11I mean, he made one great film
34:13and then he never saw him again.
34:21No, let's go.
34:22Let's go.
34:28Twenty-two thousand.
34:38Twenty-four thousand.
34:40Sixty-five.
34:41Eight.
34:43Thirty.
34:45Thirty-two.
34:48Thirty-five.
34:51Thirty-five thousand.
34:52Thirty-eight thousand.
34:57One more bid.
35:01Forty thousand.
35:03The bid is forty thousand pounds.
35:05Is that ours, Rodney?
35:06Don't be stupid.
35:08Forty-five thousand.
35:12Forty-five thousand.
35:14I'm selling at forty-five thousand.
35:16Sold at forty-five thousand.
35:19Paddle number six, seven, four.
35:22Now we come to lot 73.
35:28A solid silver pocket marine timekeeper.
35:33This was found in London by two brothers.
35:36Unfortunately, they held on to the peace for sixteen years,
35:38believing it to be a Victorian egg timer.
35:40As I know, this is quite simply the most significant discovery
35:49in horological terms of this century.
35:52The watch has been authenticated and accepted by all the leading experts
35:55as being the last watch ever made by John Harrison.
35:58It is the fabled H6.
36:01The, until now, mythical lesser watch.
36:04I feel I need say no more.
36:08I'd like to start the bidding at one hundred and fifty thousand pounds.
36:19Two hundred thousand.
36:23Two fifty.
36:26Oh, dear.
36:28He's winning, he said hundred and fifty thousand.
36:31That's when I come over a real bad name.
36:33You went on, dear.
36:35Two hundred thousand.
36:36Two fifty.
36:37Three.
36:38Huh?
36:38That's when I dragged you out.
36:40You mean it ended up at three hundred thousand pounds?
36:43It's still going on.
36:45Well, come on, let's get back up now.
36:49Three and a quarter.
36:53The bid is in the room.
36:56Three and a half.
36:58Three hundred and fifty thousand quid.
37:01Three and three quarters.
37:07Four, thank you.
37:10The bid stands at four million pounds.
37:13Four.
37:22Four and a half in the room.
37:24One.
37:28Four.
37:28Two.
37:29Five.
37:31Three.
37:32Four.
37:33Four.
37:34Five.
37:36so what was the final outcome it was bought by an anonymous bidder he's
37:53giving it to the maritime museum at Greenwich so at least it stays in the
37:56country you Wally was the final score what exactly did he go for six point two
38:20million so that's just over three million each well we've had worse days
38:35you want to go first or should I why don't we go together yeah yeah one two
38:48three
39:09bring the family down there'll be a phone girl I'll take it next to it
39:15it's beautiful though isn't it Rodders eh luxury and style very me don't you think
39:24yeah yeah shall I you like it
39:30buy it no no no no no not until that check is cleared I got a terrible feeling that this whole deal is
39:39gonna go pear-shaped
39:41we are dealing with Sotheby's and the Greenwich Museum not Ronnie and Reggie
39:48I mean if this goes tits up I'm landed with a 70 grand debt
39:51yeah yeah I take the point yeah well go on in you sit in a nice car see if it suits you
40:00yeah all right then I will
40:03yes
40:04yes
40:05yes
40:06yes
40:12that rolls-royce out there I want to buy it
40:15well that's a good one Rodney
40:18tell me what drugs are you on this week
40:25on Twitter
40:28oh
40:32yeah
40:33yeah
40:34I
40:36yeah
40:37yeah
40:39yeah
40:40yeah
40:41yeah
40:42yeah
40:43yeah
40:44yeah
40:45that's
40:46yeah
40:47You want? The roller? It's yours. I just bought it for you. You bought this roller for me? Why?
41:04A little present. Just to say thanks.
41:17I just bought it for you.
41:22I just bought it for you.
41:27I just bought it for you.
41:34I just bought it for you.
41:55I just bought it for you.
42:02I just bought it for you.
42:10I just bought it for you.
42:20I just bought it for you.
42:25I just bought it for you.
42:40I just bought it for you.
42:45Yes, sir. What can I get you?
43:01Champagne all round.
43:08Well done. Aren't we going to lift our wallets at home again?
43:14Oh, please, sir. That is not a problem.
43:18On the slate, Mike.
43:21On the house, Bill.
43:24No, no, no, no, Michael. We'll pay our way.
43:27And while we're at it, we'll have all your sandwiches.
43:29That's it. Right.
43:31I'll get them.
43:33No, no, Rodney. I'll get the sandwiches because you bought the rolls.
43:37I'll light the fire.
43:58You place the flowers in the vase.
44:04Today, staring at the fire for hours and hours while I listen to you play your love songs all night long for me.
44:29Only for me.
44:36Come to me now.
44:39And rest your head for chores.
44:42Everything is done.
44:47Such a cozy room.
44:52The windows were illuminated by the evening sunshine.
45:01Hudson's a cozy room.
45:04Good night.
45:06I'm gonna fly.
45:08And I'm gonna fly, and the sun's night in a little night.
45:10And the sun's light in a little night.
45:12I'm gonna fly.
45:14Oh, I'm gonna fly.
45:16Our house is a very, very, very fine house
45:23With two dogs in the yard
45:27Life used to be so hard
45:31Now everything is easy because of you
45:46Our house is a very, very, very fine house
46:12With two dogs in the yard
46:15Life used to be so hard
46:19Now everything is easy because of you
46:24I'll light the fire
46:34You'll place the flowers in the vase
46:40That you bought today
46:44Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
46:49Okay
47:26It's time to get up at 7.30.
47:42Yeah, all right, Mum.
47:45It's your fault if you've got hungover.
47:48You can't have your day off.
47:49You're taking your 11+.
47:56I never raised a hand to your mother, Rodney, except in self-defence.
48:11Your dad always said that one day Del Boyd reached the top.
48:15There again he used to say that one day Millwall would win the cup.
48:18LAUGHTER
48:19All right?
48:42Yeah.
48:46What are you doing here?
48:48Raquel phoned.
48:49Said you'd gone missing.
48:52I said wait for the ransom note to arrive, but she said go and find him, so...
48:56LAUGHTER
48:57I guess you'd be here.
49:00Yeah, just taking one last look at the old place, Rodney.
49:03Funny, isn't it, just think of all them years, you know?
49:09Us scrimping and scraping, going out in all hours,
49:14just trying to earn a few bobs so we could put a bit of grub on the table.
49:19And all the time down in that garage, we had this famous thing,
49:24worth six million quid.
49:26Yeah, that had crossed my mind, I know.
49:32Still.
49:36Put a flat on the market yet?
49:38Mm?
49:39No, not yet, no.
49:41No, I just didn't have the heart to...
49:44You know, when you think about mum and grandad.
49:50Yeah, I'll do it in a couple of weeks, you know.
49:53I'll give it to some estate agent.
49:55You know, I'll let them have the carpet.
50:00LAUGHTER
50:00Yeah, they won't mind.
50:07Yeah, talking about that,
50:08I called in to the travel agents the other day,
50:11booked us all a holiday in Barbados.
50:14It's all right, no, mum.
50:16My tree.
50:17Nice.
50:18Flying first class.
50:21Concorde.
50:22Ah, even better.
50:23Show him about Albert's boat, wasn't it?
50:31Oh.
50:33LAUGHTER
50:33What a stupid place to put a bridge, wouldn't it?
50:39LAUGHTER
50:39I thought that, right over a river like that.
50:42LAUGHTER
50:43So, how are you?
50:48Me?
50:49Well, you know, wonderful, aren't I, you know?
50:54Everything's coming out rosy, isn't it?
50:57All right, what's wrong?
51:04I always wanted to be a millionaire, Rodney.
51:07You know?
51:09I always wanted a Rolls-Royce
51:11and big arse in the country
51:13and jet off to the Caribbean
51:15and all that.
51:16We've got it.
51:19I know.
51:21But it's not like I thought it would be.
51:25You know?
51:27All the dreaming and the scheming
51:30and the chasing and the trying.
51:33That was the fun part, you know?
51:37It was like...
51:38It was dangerous.
51:40It was...
51:40It was impossible.
51:43It was like...
51:45Columbo sailing away to find America.
51:49LAUGHTER
51:49You know, and just not knowing
51:55whether he was going to fall off the edge of the world.
51:58LAUGHTER
51:58That's how I used to feel.
52:04You fell off a couple of times, didn't you?
52:06Once a month, bruv.
52:09Once a month, regular.
52:12Now I've...
52:13You know, now I've done it,
52:15now I've achieved what I wanted.
52:19The chase...
52:21You know, it's finished.
52:22The...
52:22The hunt is over.
52:25What am I going to do now?
52:31I've learnt to play golf.
52:34Well, you've got the trousers for it, at least.
52:36LAUGHTER
52:37Now, why don't you just enjoy your retirement?
52:43Cos I don't want to enjoy my retirement.
52:47I want to feel like I used to feel, you know?
52:50All eager and alive.
52:52Oh, you know, I want...
52:55I want something exciting to happen.
52:58LAUGHTER
52:58Dear, oh dear.
53:02What are you doing?
53:03I thought you was a ghost, then.
53:05You never did get the hang of this haunting lark, did I?
53:08What are you two doing here?
53:10Well, never mind what us two are doing here.
53:12What are you doing here?
53:13Well, I've just come back to pick up a few of my belongings.
53:16I thought I'd have one last look at the flat
53:19before you sell it.
53:24Yeah, well, we've had a good look, eh?
53:27Come on, let's lock up and go.
53:38I don't know.
53:42Must have forgot to tell British Telecom, eh, that we'd gone.
53:44Yeah, hello.
53:48Who?
53:49Oh, hello, Lenny.
53:51How are you doing, pal?
53:52All right?
53:54Lenny Norris.
53:57You do what?
54:00Really?
54:01Hang on.
54:03Listen, he's got 250 electronic carpet steamers, right?
54:08Now, listen, they retail at 115 quid.
54:11He's going to let us have them for 25, Nicker.
54:14What the hell?
54:16We're not in the business anymore.
54:19I know.
54:21Roddy, we can double our money on this.
54:26Derek, can you hear me over those trousers?
54:33We're not in the business anymore, mate.
54:42Hello.
54:43Lenny.
54:43No, we're not interested.
54:46Trotter's independent traders have ceased trading.
54:55Bonjour.
54:55Oh, well.
55:04Tell you what.
55:06Fancy going down to the Golden Dragon for a Chinese?
55:09Yeah.
55:10I'm feeling a bit peckish now you mention it.
55:12Yeah, I could do a sweet and sour something.
55:16Yeah, all right.
55:16Now, I'll tell you what, Roddy's, let's leave the cars here, shall we, and, you know, just, just take a total.
55:25Yeah, all right.
55:26Well, here I am thinking, now we've got all this money, you know, that spells like the end of it.
55:43It don't, it don't, does it?
55:45It's like the beginning.
55:47Because for the first time in our lives, we have got money to invest.
55:53No.
55:54Don't, it's not a business investment.
55:56Oh, come on, Rodders.
55:57You remember all those years you used to say to me, the old boy, we should be investing.
56:01No, no, I never said that.
56:03Well, it must be me, then.
56:04I remember it was one of us got it right.
56:06But now we can invest big time in the futures market.
56:10Hey, we can get into Hong Kong, Singapore, Peking.
56:13I don't want to invest, all right?
56:17Rodders, have I ever let you down?
56:19Yes.
56:21When?
56:21A couple of years ago, when you told me I'd won a holiday in a painting competition,
56:26but forgot to mention that for the entire week I would have to pretend to be 14.
56:31That's always been your problem, Rodney.
56:34I'm always dwelling on the past.
56:37Mum said to me on her deathbed.
56:39Oi, now don't you start on about mum on her deathbed.
56:41She said to me on her deathbed.
56:42She said to me, the old boy, if ever you and little Rodney become rich, you must invest in the futures market.
56:49You liar.
56:50Because there wasn't a futures market when mum was alive.
56:53Ah, no, but then there you go, see, that shows you how visionary she was.
56:57Come on, Rodney, this is our big chance.
57:00He who dares wins.
57:03This time next year, we could be billionaires.
57:06No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
57:35Black or white, rich or blue, we'll cut prices and a straw.
57:43God bless hooky street, viva hooky street, long live hooky street.
57:52Say my defeat hooky street, my defeat hooky street.
58:00Hooky street.
58:03Hooky street.
58:06Hooky street.
58:09Hooky street.
58:13Hooky street.
58:16Hooky street.
58:17Hooky street.
58:17Hooky street.
58:17Hooky street.
58:18Hooky street.
58:19Hooky street.
58:20Hooky street.
58:21Hooky street.
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