- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S01E03 - Cash And Curry
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:26But is the one that's driving me bizarre
00:29Why do only fools and horses work
00:33La-la-la-la
00:34La-la-la-la-la
00:36La-la-la-la-la
00:59La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
01:29and I've had a few, you know what I mean, a few drinky poos
01:32and I thought to myself, well, I could get a little old minicab
01:35and then I thought to myself, no, no, no, what is more impressive?
01:38It's more impressive if you get your driver to come round and drive you home
01:43in your vexal vollox, er, vollox, vollox.
01:46What do you mean impressive, eh?
01:48Are you trying to impress?
01:49Shh!
01:50Contact.
01:51I need contact.
01:53New man in the area, stone rich, looking for...
01:58business opportunities.
02:01We could earn out of this, Rodney, my little brother.
02:04Del, what you fail to realise is when you phoned,
02:07I was in the flat with a friend.
02:10Well, why didn't you bring him with you?
02:11It wasn't a he.
02:13Well, what was it then?
02:16Have you been up to noughties, Rodney?
02:18No.
02:20Just had a feeling something was going to develop.
02:22Develop? You've been playing with my po-roid again, haven't you, eh?
02:25No.
02:25I'll just let go of course, Terry.
02:29All right, no rush.
02:30Vimou, my own mucker.
02:32Who?
02:34Vimou.
02:35Vimou Malik.
02:37My contact.
02:39Say no more.
02:40She, she said, she can't come now because she's weighing the postman.
02:50Here, do you fancy a nightcap, Vimou?
02:53And a nice little pub that does late tastings, eh?
02:59Thought you'd given me the slip, did you, Vimou?
03:02Why don't you go away and leave me alone?
03:06I have no quarrel with you, my friend.
03:10It's the pigs behind Malik that I wish to see.
03:14Friend of yours, is it, Vimou?
03:17He's no one's friend.
03:18Listen, John, I don't know what this Barney is all about and I don't want to know.
03:24So why don't you chaps get out of the way before someone gets a smack in the ear?
03:29All right?
03:30Please, don't threaten me with violence, my friend.
03:34My colleague here is a second Dan in karate.
03:38And I'm a black belt in origami.
03:44Get out of the way.
04:01Watch him, Dale.
04:02Watch his carry-tary, mate.
04:04Watch your bloody carry-tary in a minute, Ronnie.
04:06Just shut up, will you?
04:08No!
04:12Police.
04:21Godney, you and Vimou, in the car, quick.
04:23Right, let's go.
04:26Well, it's been very pleasant meeting you both.
04:29Have a nice evening, won't you?
04:31My friend, it's not good to part in such circumstances.
04:36Could we talk?
04:38I've done all the talking I wanted to.
04:43Good night each.
04:48Rodney, I didn't mean drive off.
04:51What a plonker.
04:53Well, on second thoughts, I quite fancy a nice little chat.
05:02Perhaps you could drop me off home after.
05:04Oh, oh dear.
05:08Come on, me old mate.
05:10Come on.
05:10You'll be all right.
05:12You'll be all right.
05:14Here, what happened?
05:15Yeah, John, that is twice, all right?
05:33Oh, I think your brother has arrived, Mr. Trotter.
05:36Oh, yeah, yeah.
05:37Could you excuse me a minute, Mr. Rahm?
05:40Excuse me.
05:41Rodney.
05:41Are you all right, son?
05:43I thought you was in bother.
05:44Oh, that's why it's taken you an hour and a half to get here, is it?
05:47Didn't Grandad tell you that I telephoned?
05:49Oh, yeah, he told me.
05:50Del boy's been captured by the Indians, you see.
05:53I didn't know where to phone the police or the Texas Rangers.
05:56If you were so worried about your brother, you know, you were so worried about me,
05:59how come it's taken you till 20 to 1 in the morning to come to me rescue?
06:02Because your telephone message lacked something in clarity, didn't it?
06:05You didn't tell Grandad which Indian restaurant you was in.
06:08I've been crashing through the doors of every curry house and takeaway
06:11from Battersea Bridge to Collierswood Tube Station.
06:14I can now leap out of that Vauxhall Villics, Dukes of Hazard fashion,
06:17make a chip party and say, get stuffed in Urdu.
06:20I forgive you, Rodney.
06:22Oh, that's nice.
06:23All right, then.
06:23So, you're going to be trouble, is there?
06:26No, no, put the spoon down.
06:29Go for that.
06:29All right, come on.
06:32Uh, Rodney, I would like you to meet Mr. Rahm.
06:35He owns this restaurant.
06:37Of course, you know odd job, don't you?
06:40Well, nice restaurant you got here, Mr. Rahm.
06:43Very, uh...
06:44Indian.
06:45Yeah, Indian.
06:47Sit down, sit down.
06:48I was just telling your brother how well I've done since I came from Britain.
06:51I now own 18 of these restaurants altogether.
06:55I also own a lot of plan.
06:57Yeah, yeah.
06:58Oddjob's got a couple of acres and all, hasn't he?
07:02It is.
07:03Hey.
07:04I'm telling you, now, if I got into my car at nine o'clock in the morning,
07:12it would take me up to two in the afternoon to drive around my land.
07:16Yeah?
07:16We had a car like that once, hey?
07:19What?
07:20All right, don't matter.
07:22So, Mr. Rahm, you and this, uh, Vimble,
07:24you've been having a bit of a nut and a downer then, have you?
07:27Don't mention that name at this table.
07:29It will sour the food.
07:30Well, what's it all about, then?
07:32I'll tell you what it's all about, Mr. Trotter.
07:34It's about truth.
07:36It's about righteousness.
07:38But above all, it's about justice.
07:41Vimble, that pig's behind has something that's rightfully mine.
07:48You see, our families have been engaged in a vendetta for many, many years.
07:53It goes right back to the days of the old empire.
07:56You mean to British empire, not to Kilburn?
07:58I know that.
07:59I know that.
08:00Pray continue.
08:01Now, my family fought against the British,
08:06whereas the Mollick's family supported them.
08:09When the conquest of Mother India was finally complete,
08:13the British Raj decided to reward the Mollick's loyalty
08:16by giving them my family's land.
08:20What?
08:20You mean they just took it off your family?
08:22That's correct.
08:24They destroyed the home,
08:26they plundered the family's temple,
08:28and then they sold the land.
08:29Are you sure?
08:30The Mollick's have built a business empire with the proceeds.
08:34Yeah, couldn't you write to that's life?
08:37That's life.
08:38Yeah.
08:39But this happened a century ago, Mr Trotter.
08:43If Lord Krishna himself couldn't help us,
08:45I really don't think Esther Ransom would stand my chance.
08:48No, no, that's right.
08:49I was just a fool.
08:50That was...
08:50Oi!
08:50Get off.
08:51The Mollick has in his possession the one single item that remains of my birthright.
08:59It's a simple porcelain statuette of Kuera.
09:03You know of Kuera?
09:05Oh, yeah.
09:05You don't know who Kuera is.
09:11Yes, I do.
09:13All right, then tell us.
09:16What?
09:18Who is he?
09:20Who?
09:21Kuera.
09:22Oh, well, er...
09:24He was...
09:25All right, I don't know.
09:27There you are.
09:27See what I mean, Mr Rhyme?
09:28He's got two O-levels and he thinks he's Bamba Gascoigne's best.
09:31All right, mastermind.
09:32Who is he, then?
09:35Kuera was one of India's premier wicket-keepers.
09:41You, Burke.
09:42Kuera is the Hindu god of wealth from the second aspect of the Trimurti,
09:47the Hindu trinity.
09:48Oh, yeah.
09:49Oh, that Kuera.
09:50Oh, yeah.
09:50Got you now.
09:51Yeah, yeah.
09:52There's two of them.
09:52In worldly terms, the statuette is of little value.
09:56But in religious and sentimental terms,
09:59it's precious to me and I want it back.
10:02It's mine by right.
10:04I'm a rich man, Mr Trotter.
10:06I shouldn't have to stoop to the kind of intimidation you witness tonight.
10:11I'm prepared to buy it back from Wimble Molly.
10:14I would pay...
10:15£4,000.
10:21£4,000?
10:24Phew.
10:24Well, why don't you just go and make him an offer?
10:26Oh, it's impossible.
10:28It's this wretched caste system, you see.
10:30He belongs to the high caste and I belong to the low caste.
10:33No, no, don't put yourself down.
10:34We cannot meet, talk or communicate in any manner.
10:38So, you see, my friends, I'm up a gum tree without a paddle.
10:44Seems to me, Mr Ronald, what you need is a mutual friend, you know.
10:47Someone who can talk to the both of you, you know, act as a sort of go-between.
10:51Perhaps you and your brother.
10:54Us?
10:55What?
10:57I suppose we could.
10:59I mean, could.
11:00Why didn't we think of that, Rodney?
11:01I think one of us already did, then.
11:04If you helped me to reclaim the statuette, I don't know how I'd ever reward you.
11:10Well, I've always fancied one of them video recorders.
11:13But no, no, par de bar.
11:15Par de bar.
11:15Well, we'll go and see this Mr Vimor tomorrow.
11:19Um, four thousand pounds, you said, right?
11:23Right.
11:24Oh, but I must make one thing quite clear.
11:27I don't trust this man, Vimor Mollick.
11:31You see, he comes from a long line of swindlers.
11:34I won't part with a single penny until I have the statuette safely in my hands.
11:42Don't you worry.
11:43Don't worry, Mr Ron.
11:44Me and Vimor.
11:45Ha ha.
11:45We're like that.
11:46Ha ha.
11:47Good job that we didn't call the police tonight.
11:50No!
11:51Oh!
11:52Oh!
11:54What happened?
11:57I'm surprised at you, Derek.
11:59And you also, Rodney.
12:01How could you share a meal with that, that gutter dog?
12:05I thought you were my friend.
12:06We are your friends, Vimor, my old mucker.
12:09Just trust me, will you?
12:10Trust me.
12:12You see, this Mr Ron, uh, the gutter dog, um, well, he told us all about the little misunderstanding
12:19that your two families have been having for the last hundred years or so.
12:22He also mentioned something about the statue of some god or another.
12:28A quvera, the god of wealth.
12:29Ah, that's him.
12:30That's the boy.
12:31Yeah.
12:31Well, yeah.
12:33Well, you know.
12:34Um, well, without beating around a bush, um,
12:40you know, I mean, well, you know.
12:43To cut a long story, sure.
12:46Um, well, not to put too fine a point on it.
12:51He wants to buy it off you.
12:52He wants...
12:52Buy it from me?
12:59He must have gone mad.
13:01Or he's been eating too many of his own curries.
13:04Buy it from me, indeed.
13:05I wouldn't sell it to him if he offered me a million pounds.
13:09How much did he offer?
13:11Purely out of curiosity, you understand.
13:12Yeah, two thousand pounds.
13:14Two...
13:14I thought Mr Ron said...
13:15Yeah, a thousand pounds.
13:16That is right, Rodney.
13:17But I persuaded him to double it.
13:19Two thousand pounds.
13:21No, no, no.
13:22I can't sell it to him.
13:23Mm, two thousand pounds.
13:25Vimmel, my old mucker.
13:26You know, not be sneezed at it, is it, eh?
13:28I will not deny that I'm tempted, Derek.
13:31I thought of selling the statue once before.
13:34The most I was offered was 150 pounds.
13:37Oh, look, Vimmel.
13:39You see, I get the impression that you're not quite as rich and successful
13:43as you told me you were last night at the Chamber of Trade Bash.
13:47I mean, take a look at this place.
13:49It's hardly the Ritz, is it, eh?
13:51More like the nits.
13:54I will admit I have suffered some misfortunes in my business dealings of late.
13:58Son, two grand on the hip would come in dead handy, eh?
14:02Two thousand pounds would come in dead handy, as you say.
14:05But I can't communicate with him.
14:08I'm of a high caste.
14:09He's a low caste.
14:10But you don't have to communicate with him, Vimmel, my old mucker.
14:13That's where me and Rodders come in, you see.
14:14We're acting as the go-betweens.
14:17Even so, I cannot accept his offer.
14:19You see, it would be like betraying my family.
14:22The statue was left to me by my father.
14:25You wouldn't understand what that means, would you?
14:27Oh, yes.
14:27Yes, we would.
14:28Wouldn't we, Rodney?
14:29We would, though.
14:30Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
14:31Our late mother, well, she's dead now, she left us this family heirloom.
14:39It was this Victorian globe.
14:44It meant the world to us.
14:45Since he said it meant the world to us.
14:51Yeah, but there came the time when we fell upon stony ground.
14:54We fell upon stony ground, did we?
14:55Yes, we fell upon stony ground.
14:57And the only thing we had of any value was this Victorian globe that we cherished.
15:03You sold it?
15:04Well, no, no, no, I raffled it down a betting shop.
15:07But, of course, you understand the sense of loss.
15:09Well, not really, no, because by some stroke of fortune, Del had the winning ticket.
15:13Yeah, I think it was God or something.
15:18You think I should sell it to him, Derek?
15:20Yes, of course I do, vim on my own mucker.
15:22I mean, what is it?
15:24It's just an ancient piece of old religious pottery.
15:27Right?
15:27And with 2,000 pounds, wisely invested.
15:31I mean, in a couple of years, you could replace it with, uh, um, who knows, uh, what, Capo del Monte.
15:37Yeah.
15:38And personally.
15:39Anyway, I'm not, I'm sorry.
15:40I've got to tell you this, but I think that statue is cursed.
15:45Cursed?
15:45Oh, leave it out, Del.
15:47Do not underestimate the powers of darkness, Rodney.
15:50I mean, for a god of wealth, he ain't done Vimmel no favours, has he, eh?
15:54I'm not a superstitious man, Derek, but I'm a businessman and a realist.
15:59I have decided to accept his offer.
16:01Well, you know it makes sense, Vimmel.
16:04I'll go and fetch the statue.
16:05Yeah, good man.
16:10Now, just what is your game, Del.
16:17Rahm offered 4,000.
16:18How come you're only offering two?
16:19Slip of the tongue, Rodney.
16:20Ah, so when he comes back, you won't mind me telling him the truth?
16:23No, don't you do that.
16:25Otherwise, you think I'm trying to con him.
16:26You are trying to con him.
16:28No man is an island, Rodney.
16:30I know that, Del.
16:30What I'm on about is the...
16:32What's that supposed to mean?
16:35What it mean...
16:35What it...
16:36Look, the French have a saying, Rodney.
16:39Bully buoys mon ami.
16:42Bully buoys mon ami.
16:44That means fish stew, my friend.
16:47Need I say more?
16:48Now, don't try and fog me off with your stupid French phrases.
16:51You're trying to con him out of 2,000 quid.
16:53We're going to get lumbered, Del.
16:54Ow!
16:56All right.
16:57Say, Rahm and Vimmel meet and discuss the deal.
16:59That's the beauty of it.
17:00Rahm and Vimmel cannot meet because of the wonderful caste system.
17:03It's Christmas come early for us.
17:06And anyway, if it wasn't for kind-hearted people like you and me,
17:08willing to act as go-betweens, Vimmel would end up with nothing.
17:11And as it is, 2,000 pounds is better than a kick-up-the-bot from Bobby Charlton, isn't it, eh?
17:15It's immoral.
17:17It's free enterprise.
17:19It's illegal, then.
17:19All right, so it's against the law and all.
17:21But, look, you and I can earn 1,000 pounds apiece out of this.
17:25It's fraud.
17:26Are you in?
17:28Yeah, all right.
17:29All right.
17:35Ah.
17:36Ah, oh, well, this is it, Vimmel, my old mucker.
17:41Oh, yeah, lovely.
17:42Mm.
17:43Oh, that is lovely, that.
17:44Mm.
17:44Mm, wonderful workmanship.
17:46Of course, I'm a Ming fan myself, you know.
17:49Oh, yeah, he made some wonderful stuff, didn't he, that Ming?
17:51Yeah.
17:52He went and died when he did, didn't he, eh?
17:54Ming was a dynasty, Derek.
17:56I don't care what he was of him.
17:57Well, he made a smashing vase.
17:59Yeah, anyway, look, we'll pop this round to Mr. Rahm and bring you back your 2,000 pounds
18:04post-aste, as they say in ancient Rome, all right?
18:07No, no, no, Derek.
18:08This does not leave my sight until his money's on the table, eh?
18:12No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
18:14No, sorry, look, you don't understand, you see.
18:16Because he said that you won't get a penny until he has that statue safely in his hands,
18:22all right?
18:22I don't care what he said, Derek.
18:24I do not trust the man.
18:26He comes from a long line of cheats.
18:28You bring me his money first, then you can take him the statue.
18:33No, but you see, no, you see, he said, he said, bring me the statue, and then you can
18:39have the money.
18:40I don't care what he said, Derek.
18:41You don't care what he said, Derek.
18:43Yes, I heard what he said.
18:45I'll leave Rodney as a deposit.
18:47Eh?
18:48But what else can I do?
18:50I mean, look, he won't let that go until he gets the money, and he won't have the money
18:53until he gets the...
18:54Oh, Gordon Bennett.
18:57This is classic.
18:58This is, isn't it, eh?
18:59It's the bacon and the egg situation all over again.
19:01It's the chicken and the egg, then.
19:02We haven't got time to discuss food, Rodney.
19:05Talk to him, Derek.
19:06Persuade him to submit to my terms.
19:09After all, you have influence over him.
19:11You have already persuaded him to double his offer from 1,000 to 2,000 pounds.
19:15Yeah, well, all right, all right, all right.
19:19I'll see what I can do, then, shall I?
19:20Yeah.
19:21Well, um, you know, I'll, uh, I'll get back to you, all right?
19:25You know, you, uh, all right?
19:27Stay loose, okay?
19:29Cool.
19:31Now, don't you worry, Wimmel.
19:32Don't worry.
19:33I mean, me and old Rahm, I mean, we're like that.
19:35We're like, we're like, we're like that.
19:38Yeah.
19:39Thanks, come on.
19:41Well, what are we going to do now?
19:45Just forget the old thing, Derek.
19:46What do you mean, forget the old thing?
19:47How can we forget the old thing?
19:482,000 pounds up for grabs and you say forget it?
19:51No, no, there's got to be another way round it.
19:53There isn't.
19:53Look, Rahm won't pay a penny till he's got the statuette in his hands,
19:56and Wimmel won't let the statuette go till he's got Rahm's money.
19:59Yeah.
20:00Cheers.
20:00Yeah, well, what he thinks is Rahm's money.
20:05What do you want about now?
20:06Well, let's say, just for instance, that we had 2,000 pounds lying around at home doing nothing in particular.
20:14Oh, just mooching about?
20:15Yeah, you know, kicking its heels, that sort of thing.
20:17And let's say that we gave Wimmel that 2,000 pounds, right, and we pretended that we'd just collected it from Mr. Rahm.
20:25Well, Wimmel, he wouldn't know any better, would he, eh?
20:27So, thinking that he'd won the battle, and as happy as a sandboy, he'd hand over the statuette,
20:33which we would then whip round to Mr. Rahm, who, also thinking that he'd won the battle,
20:39and being equally chuffed as a sandboy, would hand over to us 4,000 lovely smaccaroonios.
20:47We would get on our bike, leaving them to play sandcastles.
20:53Brilliant, isn't it, eh?
20:54Yeah.
20:55There's only one problem I can see, Dil.
20:56How the hell do we get 2,000 pounds?
21:00You always bring little details up, don't you, eh?
21:03You get it from a bank.
21:04What, rob it?
21:05What?
21:06Oi!
21:06No, no, no, no, we'll borrow it from a bank.
21:09This is guilt-edged security, innit?
21:10Dil, you can't stroll into a bank and ask for a loan to help you pull off a con trick.
21:15Besides, we haven't got a bank account.
21:16Oh, well, there's got to be another way of raising the money.
21:20I mean, there's just got to be.
21:21Here, we're general traders, ain't we?
21:27Yeah.
21:27Well, why don't we start trading generally?
21:30I mean, we could flog all our stock that we got in the garage, couldn't we?
21:33We could sell the Deep Freeze, the Vauxhall Velox.
21:36Three-wheel van?
21:37You're jesting.
21:38They'd want an tenant to take that away.
21:39No, we could flog Grandad's telly.
21:42We could flog, eh?
21:44My jewellery.
21:45That'd bring in enough.
21:46I mean, it's 27 carat.
21:47I thought it was nine carat.
21:49That was when I was buying.
21:50Now I'm selling.
21:51We could sell that leather coat.
21:54You're not talking about my leather coat, are you?
21:56No, no, I'm talking about...
21:57Have you got a leather coat?
21:58Oh, we'll knock that one out and all, Rodney.
21:59Yeah, that's a good idea.
22:00Come on, Dil, we'll never raise two grand.
22:03We can, Rodney.
22:04You can do anything if you want it hard enough.
22:07We can do it, Rodney.
22:09We can do it.
22:11Yeah.
22:12Yeah.
22:12Come on, eh.
22:13We can do it.
22:43We can do it.
23:13Well, thanks a lot.
23:31It's Tempus Fugit, then, eh?
23:33Where's your watch, Derek?
23:35Your watch?
23:35Oh, it's at the Mender's.
23:36I broke it last night playing, you know, volleyball.
23:39I thought you were right-handed.
23:41Me?
23:42No, no, no, no.
23:43I'm ambiguous.
23:49Hey, hey, Rodders.
23:52What about that, my son?
23:55Here I can...
23:55Good afternoon, gentlemen.
24:17Good afternoon, gentlemen.
24:21A table for two?
24:23No, thank you.
24:24No, thank you.
24:25We'd like to see Mr. Rahm.
24:26Mr. Rahm?
24:27The owner.
24:28The owner.
24:29Terrible echo in here, isn't there, Rodney?
24:32We'd like to speak to the owner, Mr. Rahm.
24:34The owner, Mr. Rahm.
24:35There it goes again.
24:36What's the matter with it?
24:37No, no, listen, listen.
24:39We would like to talk to the proprietor of this restaurant, right?
24:44I am the proprietor of this restaurant.
24:47No, no, no.
24:47You don't understand.
24:48Oh, see, you don't know.
24:48We want to see the real owner, right?
24:51I am the real owner.
24:53All right, all right, all right.
24:55Listen, all right, just wait, hang on.
24:56Just watch my lips, all right?
24:58Look, where is Mr. Rahm, right?
25:02Look, I don't know any Mr. Bloody Rahm, so will you please leave?
25:05You're drunk, so let's come here causing trouble.
25:08Drunk, we're not drunk, sorry.
25:09Look, I was having a couple of meals here quite recently.
25:13You must remember me.
25:14I'm sorry.
25:15You all look alike to me.
25:19Alight?
25:19What are you talking about?
25:20We all look alike.
25:21What's the matter with me?
25:21No, he's making it up.
25:23Look, look, look.
25:24My brother, right, was in here dining with a couple of Indian gentlemen, right?
25:30One was sort of large, large and aggressive, right?
25:35Big, you know, they were almost smaller.
25:38That's what?
25:38Way smaller than that, wouldn't he?
25:39Get down there.
25:41That being, um, more business-like.
25:43He had a beard.
25:44Beard.
25:45He had a beard.
25:46Beard, look.
25:46Oh, the bag, Mr. Rahm.
25:48Ah, yes.
25:49I know who you're talking about now.
25:51Oh, no.
25:53He's the one who gave me a bouncy check.
25:56And a short while ago, I went to the address, which is written on the back.
26:00He's scarpered.
26:01Owing three weeks' rent.
26:02Oh, boy.
26:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
26:07It's a mistake.
26:09It's got to be a mistake.
26:10I mean, he told me he owned this restaurant.
26:11He told me he owned 18 of them, in fact.
26:14Maybe he was fibbing.
26:17Fibbing?
26:18Maybe he was fibbing?
26:20I've just given him 2,000 pounds for this on the strength of him fibbing.
26:262,000 pounds?
26:27But why?
26:29You can get them in Portobello Road for 17 pounds each.
26:32It's amazing what you can save if you shop around.
26:42I've got a nosebleed coming, Rodney.
26:44He tried to tell me that the staging was cursed.
26:52You know, he told me that he thought Quetta was a wicked person.
27:03Let's see.
27:04Now we've done Cardiff, Bristol, Southampton, and now North and South London.
27:09Where to next?
27:10Oh, to Birmingham, then Manchester, then Newcastle, even maybe Liverpool.
27:16In fact, anywhere where there are people who think they can exploit the religious bigotry of two stupid immigrants
27:22who will be rich, my friend, very rich.
27:25I'll drink to that, me old fucker.
27:40No sign of him, all?
27:53No.
27:55Packed his bags and had it weighing his toes five minutes after we'd left.
27:59As Macbeth said to Hamlet in mid-summer night's dream,
28:04we'd been done up like a couple of kippers.
28:07Right, let's go to the police.
28:08Oh, yeah, that's a good idea, that is.
28:10Oh, that's marvellous.
28:11We'd give them a good laugh down there, couldn't we, eh?
28:13But just imagine it.
28:14Trotter Brothers, Condat, a two grand.
28:16Be all over the manor in no time.
28:18We'd never be able to hold our heads up in court again.
28:22I don't know how people like Vimble and his mate can sleep at night.
28:26Honest, I don't.
28:28Lost everything.
28:30Leather coats, Vauxhall Velocs, Grandad's telly.
28:34Hey, I've just remembered something.
28:35Grandad was renting that telly.
28:37Oh, that's so horrific.
28:42Come on, let's get something to eat.
28:44I always feel emotionally peckish when I've been gutted.
28:48Well, that's a curry house down the road, Del.
28:52No, only joking, little boy.
28:53Del!
28:54No, only joking, Del!
28:55We've got some half-price crack ties, some miles and miles of carpet tiles,
29:05TVs, deep freeze, and David Bowie OPs,
29:08pool games, gold chains, wuss names, and header push,
29:10and Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush,
29:13and Shepard's bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush, bush.
29:16No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
29:23Black or white, rich or broke,
29:26a wheel cut prices and a straw.
29:31God bless, Hooky Street.
29:34Viva, Hooky Street.
29:36Long live, Hooky Street.
29:39Same, man, defique, Hooky Street.
29:43Magnifique, Hooky Street.
29:47Hooky Street.
29:50Hooky Street.
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