- hace 5 meses
El obispo come niños de Bath & Wells amenaza de muerte a Blackadder, por una deuda de 1.000 libras.
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00:00The Black Adder 2
00:30Money
00:34Stretch out
00:44Sir, there is someone who wants to see you.
00:47Oh, God
00:49What time is it?
00:51The four
00:51Patrick, I've told you a thousand times not to let me sleep so late.
00:55This woman charges by the hour
00:57No, no, my Lord, it's four in the morning.
01:01Who wants to see me at four in the morning?
01:04Who is it? A lark?
01:06Eh, no, sir, he's a priest
01:09Tell him I'm Jewish
01:10Aren't you going to introduce me to him?
01:13That?
01:15Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?
01:17Okay, but you're making a mistake.
01:18Baldrick, I have the honor to introduce you to...
01:22Sorry, I forgot your name.
01:24Molly
01:25Sure, Molly
01:26Baldrick, this is Molly
01:27A great friend
01:28You are welcome
01:29Most of the girls
01:32They would charge you six pence extra for all the crap you want me to do to you.
01:36Yes, okay, okay, okay
01:38Baldrick, this is Molly
01:40A cheap whore
01:41Molly, this is Baldrick
01:43A useless farmer
01:44And now let me sleep
01:46And what do I say to the priest?
01:48Tell him and his sacred ass to get lost.
01:50And what's more
01:51If you bless here again
01:53Tell him I'll report him to the Bishop of Bath and Wells.
01:56Who drowns children at baptisms
01:58And then they eat them in the sacristy
02:00Very well, my Lord
02:01Goodbye, Baldrick
02:04Goodbye, Molly
02:06Stretch out
02:08Yes, my Lord
02:10You think you're very clever, huh?
02:12When he should whisper loving words in my ears like
02:15Oh my God, something twice the size of the royal barge has just emerged from between the sheets.
02:20You don't say a word
02:22But the creature from the black latrine comes in and you can't stop chattering.
02:26He has treated me like a human being
02:29If I wanted to be lectured on the rights of man
02:32I would have slept with Martin Luther
02:34Come in, Baldrick
02:38What happens now?
02:40It's the ass
02:41He insists that he wants to see you.
02:43Have you mentioned the child-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells?
02:46Yes, my Lord
02:47And what did he say?
02:48He said
02:48I am the child-eating bishop of Bath and Wells
02:52My God
02:53You don't have any children, do you, Blackadder?
02:55No, I'm not married
02:57In that case I'll skip breakfast and get straight to the point.
03:01Do you know what day it is today?
03:04No, I don't know.
03:05Exactly one year ago, to the day, the Black Monks' Bank of Saint Herod
03:11The Smile and the Razor Bank
03:14Of which I am the deputy director
03:17He lent you about a thousand pounds
03:20And our motto is payback or revenge.
03:28Yes of course
03:29And of course I had paid you the debt
03:32But unfortunately I lost my wallet.
03:35And what does that mean?
03:37A disaster
03:38I had all the addresses
03:39All the notes from Don't Forget
03:41And of course all the money
03:43That's not my problem.
03:45The debt has already matured
03:47Not paying a debt is a sin
03:49And we Black Monks hate sin
03:52Your Excellency, may I introduce you to my mother?
03:57Mother...
03:58Good morning, dear
04:01I hope you haven't forgotten our date.
04:05Of course not, bro.
04:08You know, darling?
04:10I had thought of playing nuns and novices
04:13So don't forget the kidney
04:14No
04:16As for you
04:18Come with me
04:19Where to?
04:20To visit the last idiot
04:22That he lost his wallet
04:24William Griggs
04:31Born in 1513 in Chelsford
04:34With the love of Christ
04:35He died in 1563 in...
04:39Agony with a spike in the butt
04:41Ah!
04:44Always the same with the Black Monks
04:47The man shouted
04:49He screamed and yelled his head off
04:50While they were boring into her buttocks
04:52For two reales
04:54I think you got the message.
04:56Oh, yes, yes, of course
04:58But listen to me, bishop.
05:00Let me try one last thing...
05:02Solution
05:03Suppose I tell you something like...
05:06I am a very good friend of the queen
05:08And I think he would be very interested to know about Molly and the kidney.
05:12So...
05:13Why don't we forget about it, eh, fatty?
05:15Hey...
05:16I would say first that the queen would not believe you
05:20And second, in a little while you will feel...
05:25For calling me, fatty
05:26I want the money tonight
05:30Your bottom will wish you had never been born
05:36Poor Tom is cold
05:45Have mercy on Tom
05:47His nose is freezing
05:49Shout
05:50Tremble
05:51He's crazy
05:52Oh, shut up
05:54Friends
05:56I'm in a real bind
05:58And with no solution in sight
05:59Or I'll get a thousand pounds before tonight.
06:02Or they kill me
06:03What should I do?
06:05It's clear
06:05The fact that?
06:06Let them kill you
06:07You won't get the money
06:10Come on, come on, Baldrick
06:12It's a thousand pounds of nothing
06:14Pay him and curse his insolence
06:17I don't have the thousand pounds, you blockhead.
06:20I only have eighty-five pounds left
06:22And why do you boast to the queen about your wealth?
06:25It's just a clever plan of deception
06:27Fabric around the court
06:29To improve my position
06:30Do you mean to say that you have lied?
06:35Yeah
06:36My whole life has been a pile of lies
06:39I am one of the biggest liars in England
06:43Oh my God, Percy
06:44A giant hummingbird is eating your cape
06:46Oh no!
06:47I do it very well
06:48It seems he's gone
06:55And what do you say about the family fortune?
06:58It does not exist
06:59My father burned it with wine, women and amateur theatre.
07:03In the end I eked out a living doing comical performances of Joan of Arc.
07:08Oh, sorry, I had no idea.
07:12But do not despair
07:15Because I have some small savings
07:17Carefully collected from my assignment
07:19And set aside to relieve my tender twilight
07:22Luckily there is just over a thousand pounds
07:25That have been hidden away from any thief
07:29In an old sock under a loose tile
07:33Did you know?
07:38Known, vitiated and worn out
07:40And the same with the two cents that Baldrick
07:45It is believed to be hidden inside a potato
07:48Shit!
07:52So
07:52Are you
07:54Lost?
07:59But let's think
08:00Let's sit on the carpet
08:03And let's tell each other sad stories
08:06I don't feel
08:07When Lord Blackadder is in a fix
08:09Don't sit down
08:10You won't be able to sit with a spike in your butt.
08:12That is
08:13But I still have 85 pounds left
08:17I'm sure I'll come up with something if no one bothers me.
08:21Milord
08:21The Queen requires your immediate presence at her death sentence.
08:24Oh, damn
08:26The path of my life is littered with the dung of the devil's satanic cattle.
08:32Lady
08:36You called me?
08:38Oh yeah?
08:39I don't remember
08:40What a crazy head I have!
08:45Check!
08:50Well, then, ma'am.
08:52If you allow me to withdraw
08:53I have some small matters to attend to
08:55Clear!
08:56Ah!
08:59Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
09:02Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
09:32Well, what did you want to see me for?
09:37To play this trick on you.
09:39Or perhaps, Blackadder, you think the Queen's jokes aren't funny enough to bother you.
09:44Oh, contract. I'm passionate about these jokes.
09:47But I didn't laugh because I was afraid my head would fall off from having so much fun.
09:54Because if you don't laugh soon, it will fall off anyway.
10:02Well, pay Melchie the 85 pounds and go.
10:0585 pounds?
10:06Yes, it's a bet.
10:09I said you wouldn't fall for it, but Melchie said yes because I'm awesome and you're stupid.
10:15So you owe him 85 pounds.
10:18Well, well, well. It's just money after all.
10:24I can't believe it.
10:25He makes me go from Billingsgate to Richmond to play the stupidest joke on me since Cardinal Worsley was thrown out of Hampton Court House.
10:36And he stood at the end of the hall pretending to be a door.
10:42You'd laugh, Baldrick, even at a Shakespeare comedy.
10:46Edmund. Oh, Edmund, how I have waited for your return.
10:49And thank goodness you did, because I was just thinking.
10:52Oh no, I'm going to die in 12 hours. All I need is a hug from a jerk.
10:59Fear not, for I have a plan to save the life of my dearest friend.
11:04I don't give a damn about your friends and what about me?
11:07Gentlemen, it's very good.
11:09And what's your plan, blockhead?
11:15I intend to discover, this very afternoon, the secret of alchemy.
11:22The hidden science of turning ordinary things into gold.
11:28Yeah, Ed.
11:28And the fact that this secret has eluded the smartest people since the beginning of time doesn't discourage you.
11:36Oh no. I like challenges.
11:38Already.
11:40Valdrick, I've lost the 85 pounds.
11:43The grave opens before my eyes like a... huge hole.
11:48I've had an idea too, Milor, but...
11:52No, it's nonsense.
11:53What idea?
11:54Well, I've been told that you can make a lot of money at the docks.
12:01Doing favors for sailors.
12:07Favors?
12:08You mean take messages to them, sew buttons on them...
12:11No, not exactly.
12:14Valdrick, Milor...
12:17Are you suggesting I become a man of easy virtue?
12:21Come on, a man as attractive as you with such nice legs would make money.
12:27Put a carnation in your hat and make the old sign.
12:30I prefer death.
12:32Okay, no problem.
12:34I'll put the kettle on while we wait.
12:36Come to think of it.
12:38With a small alteration, your daring and sordid plan could work.
12:43Get it here.
12:44Give me a kiss and I'll give you a penny.
12:54A penny?
12:55Okay, I'll give you two.
12:57Well, go ahead.
12:58Nothing strange, just a kiss.
13:01I miss my mom.
13:03When I was little, my mom used to give me...
13:05Cut the crap.
13:06He's a fucking asshole.
13:07He is not giving charity.
13:08Come here, please.
13:10Just a kiss on the cheek and tell me...
13:13Come on, come on, Arthur.
13:15Mom will give you a kiss and tell you a story.
13:18I don't know.
13:20Do you accept requests, Baldrick?
13:21Perversions?
13:22Yes, I accept.
13:24Please make up your mind!
13:25I've missed my mom so much.
13:28She was like a mother to me.
13:31Okay, go ahead.
13:37I don't know what I had to say.
13:39Get out of the way, I'll do it.
13:42Come on, come on, Arthur.
13:44Mom gave you a little kiss and now she'll tell you a story.
13:47What story will you tell me?
13:50Don't know.
13:51The one with the squirrel, I guess.
13:53So the squirrel burned and did...
13:55Nip, nip, nip!
13:57And now he went to have some tea.
13:59Thank you very much, colleagues.
14:01It has been wonderful.
14:03And now, how much would you charge me for a good fuck?
14:16One thousand pounds.
14:18A thousand pounds?
14:19This must be a joke.
14:21Yes, well, we can negotiate.
14:27Well, we have sixpence.
14:31Well, now what we have to do, Milor, is go to a betting match and bet on some bird that wins and has an advantage of forty thousand to one.
14:39Do you know any birds like that?
14:43No.
14:45But we could do it.
14:47We can't, Baldrick.
14:50Bye bye.
14:51He'll find out anyway.
14:52Sit down.
14:54The thing is that Mama Bird and Papa Bird, who love each other very much, have certain...
15:01No, no, no, Milor.
15:02What I mean is, let's take a very wild bull and dress it up as a bird.
15:09It will be such a strange bird that no one will bet on it.
15:13But since we will know, we will bet on him.
15:16Will only we know?
15:18Yes, if we put enough feathers and an egg between its legs...
15:21Yeah, okay, okay, Baldrick.
15:25One chat with you and death loses its painful sting.
15:28My lord, the queen demands your immediate presence at her death penalty.
15:32You don't have any friends here, you know that, messenger?
15:38Madam, have you called me?
15:40Yes, Edmund.
15:43I want to apologize for the joke I played on you.
15:46Ah, it was very ugly.
15:49It has been, asshole.
15:51And if you weren't so grown up, it would be nice if Mr. and Mrs. Zotaine paid a visit to Pompilandia.
15:59Thanks, Nussie.
16:00And thank you, Edmund.
16:02That's all?
16:04Yeah.
16:05Thank you for coming.
16:16This one was pretty good too, wasn't it?
16:23Milene?
16:24I made you come all the way here to tell you I was sorry I made you come all the way the first time.
16:31It was Melchized's idea.
16:33And I think it's great.
16:35It's fantastic.
16:37Melchized I prostrate myself at the feet of the greatest jester that has ever existed.
16:42Oh, you're great, Edmund.
16:46Edmund, I promised Lord Melchized I would play the halfpenny with him, but we have no coins.
16:52Do you have half a penny?
16:53I only have a six-pound piece, ma'am.
16:55Too bad.
16:56Well, I guess it will serve us just the same.
17:00Yes, perfect.
17:04Oh, God.
17:05This place smells like armor after the Hundred Years' War.
17:11Valdrick, have you been eating manure again?
17:14My dear!
17:16Eureka!
17:16That?
17:17That after an hour of fruitless searching I have managed to create gold.
17:23Pure gold!
17:25You're sure?
17:25Yes, my lord.
17:29Look.
17:32Percy.
17:34It's green.
17:36Is it true, my lord?
17:38Yes, Percy.
17:39I don't want to be pedantic or anything, but the color of gold is gold.
17:43That's why it's called gold.
17:44What you have discovered, if it has a name, it is green.
17:53Oh, Edmund.
17:54Edmund.
17:55It may be true that I hold here and now, in my mortal hand, an ingot of the purest green.
18:06Of course, Percy, only it's not an ingot, it looks more like a booger.
18:12Well, yes, today a booger, but tomorrow, who knows, a green ingot.
18:18So only the three of us in the entire world can create the purest green at will.
18:24Exact!
18:25Exact!
18:25Exact!
18:25Although I'm not sure I'd include Valdrick.
18:28You know what your great discovery means, right?
18:31Perhaps, my lord.
18:33That you, Percy, Lord Percy, are an idiot.
18:37Valdrick, my lord.
18:40The suitcases, I'm going to sell the house.
18:42That?
18:42That?
18:42It is the only solution.
18:45I'll miss home.
18:47I've had happy times here, when you and Percy weren't around.
18:51But necessity compels when the devil vomits in the kettle.
18:55Valdrick, go out into the street and announce that Lord Blackadder wishes to sell his house.
19:02Percy, you go outside.
19:07And this is the cabinet.
19:08Oh my God!
19:10I have to tell you, Mr. Pans, that another client has made me a good offer.
19:15And he knows me well enough to know I'm not the kind of man who ignores an offer for long.
19:21I've seen damp patches in the rooms, Timothy.
19:25Yes, Mrs. Pans, damp stains are damp stains, and excuse me if I use technical terms.
19:30And the floors are a little uneven.
19:33That's right, ma'am, at no extra cost.
19:36And it smells really bad.
19:38It's the servant, but he leaves.
19:41You've prepared your pranks well!
19:43The truth is no, this is spontaneous and it's called ingenuity.
19:48And the toilets?
19:49The master mason who built this house said to himself regarding sanitation.
19:55Romeo, that was his name.
19:57Romeo, let the toilets be functional and comfortable.
20:01Well, that's very good, dear.
20:03I think you and I understand each other.
20:05Deal, liquor?
20:06Okay, but what about the toilets?
20:10Good.
20:10Regarding those comfortable toilets, we have the newest system.
20:16Large front holes attached to the wall, combined with a functional gutter installation.
20:24That is, they empty through the window.
20:26Yeah.
20:32Well, in that case we'll keep it.
20:35I don't like those smelly little rooms.
20:41Well, I have them now.
20:44They only wanted to pay a thousand pounds, but I managed to get eleven hundred out of them.
20:48My dear, you are an old cat.
20:50Credit to whom credit is due.
20:52I only said the price.
20:53It was Baldry who stole them.
20:54Percy, what's that on your lapel?
21:00Ah, it's a brooch, Milor.
21:03An artfully crafted brooch of pure green.
21:08It looks like a spit.
21:11It is with trinkets like this brooch and this ring
21:15that I intend to revive your fortune and recover your house.
21:21Do you think there's a market for jewelry that looks like snot?
21:25My lord.
21:26The eyes and mouth move, but Mr. Brain has been gone for years, hasn't he, Percy?
21:33My lord.
21:33Ah, thank God you came.
21:35Percy and I wouldn't have lasted another second without you.
21:41Majesty.
21:42Are you here yet?
21:43Bad news.
21:44That?
21:45The French want to invade us, Blackadder.
21:48My God.
21:49And I need money.
21:51Ah.
21:52Yes, all nobles have to pay 500 pounds to maintain the navy.
21:56But I've decided to make an exception for you.
21:59Thank you, ma'am.
22:00Melchi doesn't have a single nail.
22:02So we thought since you're so rich, you'd pay for both of them.
22:06That would be very kind of you.
22:08Unfortunately, ma'am, I'm currently in a cash crunch and I don't have any money on me.
22:12Edmund.
22:13I'm sorry, ma'am.
22:15What are you wearing in your socks?
22:17Oh my God.
22:20Oh, they are not.
22:22It seems just a thousand pounds.
22:25Exact.
22:26Didn't you say you weren't wearing one?
22:28I thought you were talking about serious money.
22:30This is just a little bit of change.
22:31I must have left it in my pocket when I sent the socks to be washed.
22:36A thousand pounds in stockings.
22:38It's incredible.
22:40Well, give them to me.
22:42Thank you.
22:43Bye bye.
22:44Bye bye.
22:45Well, yes.
22:47Bye bye.
22:48Boom!
22:49Goodbye, ma'am.
22:50Goodbye, Melchi.
22:52And goodbye, nurse.
22:54Bye bye.
22:56Bye bye.
23:13Poor Edmund!
23:15We really fooled you!
23:18That was a great joke, Melchi!
23:21Great, ma'am!
23:23And now I'll have you executed.
23:27Majesty?
23:28For mocking my beloved Edmund so cruelly,
23:32I'm going to have you beheaded.
23:34But, Your Majesty, I just wanted to please you, please, I want to live.
23:52Praise God for the gift of laughter.
23:55Well, Valdric, that's it.
24:00I'll have to run away.
24:01Why, my lord?
24:02To avoid the monks, of course.
24:04It's the same, the Black Bank has branches.
24:07Ah!
24:08Curse!
24:12If I die, Valdric,
24:14Do you think people will remember me?
24:16Of course.
24:18Yeah, I guess.
24:19People will pat themselves on the back,
24:21will laugh and say,
24:22Remember Edmund Toilet Face?
24:27People call me toilet face?
24:29Yes, he likes you.
24:31So I'm not popular.
24:35Oh, just to be clear,
24:37when people slip on what dogs leave on the street,
24:40They usually say,
24:41I've stepped on an Edmund.
24:43How dare you?
24:45I will teach them.
24:46Do you have a plan, my lord?
24:48Yes, I have it.
24:49And it's so sharp you could prick yourself.
24:52I just need some feathers,
24:54a dress,
24:55Ole,
24:55an easel,
24:56some omniferous,
24:58a lot of paper,
24:58a prostitute
24:59and the best portrait painter in England.
25:01I'll bring it to you now, my lord.
25:05My dear,
25:07England's most famous portrait painter,
25:09Mr. Leonardo Acropolis.
25:12Well, are you good?
25:13No.
25:14I am a genius.
25:18It had better be that way.
25:20Well, to the room.
25:22Valdrick, open the door.
25:23Yeah.
25:29My dear,
25:37the Bishop of Bath and Wales.
25:41The time has come,
25:43Blackadder.
25:44Hello, Bishop.
25:45The black monks will have their money
25:48or me my fun.
25:51You like work, huh?
25:53Some things.
25:54The violent ones.
25:55Yeah,
25:57understand me.
25:58I'm a pervert.
26:02No form of depravity
26:03it's too low for me.
26:06Animal,
26:07vegetable,
26:07mineral,
26:08I do anything to anyone.
26:11Good words, bishop.
26:13I am glad to hear that the church
26:15speaks in favor of change.
26:18Do you have the money?
26:19No.
26:21Perfect.
26:21I don't like people paying.
26:24You can start praying,
26:25Blackadder.
26:26Let's Play.
26:28Okay.
26:30What would happen if you were discovered?
26:33No, no, no, no, no.
26:35I kill, mutilate, fornicate,
26:37but my flock is convinced
26:38that the only vice I have
26:40is to have a few drinks.
26:43Thank you.
26:47Well, bow down, Blackadder.
26:50Your time has come.
26:53Drugged, for God's sake!
26:55No, by Baldrick,
26:57but the effect is the same.
27:00Wake up, wake up, Lord Bishop.
27:02My mother,
27:03These clerics are sleepyheads.
27:05Where am I?
27:06I remember now.
27:08Drugged!
27:08That is.
27:10You should have killed me
27:11while you had the chance,
27:13because today you have witnessed
27:15your last dawn, Blackadder.
27:17Well, I wouldn't be so sure.
27:19Instead, I wonder
27:20what people will think
27:21when you see this.
27:24What creatures of hell are those?
27:27Yes, they make an interesting couple.
27:30In fact, I think it probably is
27:31you will recognize this mass of fat
27:33sweaty from here.
27:35Hey, chubby?
27:37Tatatatatata!
27:38It wouldn't do any good.
27:40Anyway,
27:40we have the preliminary draft,
27:42so we can take it out right away
27:44a couple of copies.
27:45One for the queen,
27:46one for the archbishop,
27:47and a couple that we will leave
27:49to be part
27:50from an exhibition
27:51on erotic work
27:52of new artists.
27:53By the horns of Beelzebub,
27:54How could you put me
27:55in that position?
27:56And it is well achieved,
27:57don't you think?
27:59Which is not without irony,
28:00because that's what happened to you.
28:03Scoundrel!
28:04Never in my life
28:05I have found a mind
28:06so corrupt,
28:07evil and wicked.
28:09Have you not considered
28:10make a career in the church?
28:12Ah, I would never get used to it.
28:13to underwear.
28:15However,
28:16it would be very useful for me
28:16one thousand one hundred pounds
28:17to buy my house back,
28:19four hundred pounds
28:20to cover miscellaneous expenses,
28:21fifteen shillings
28:22through the two doors,
28:23and for a binge
28:24in the pastry shop
28:25from Mrs. Miggins,
28:26say, three pence,
28:27OK?
28:28Yes, yes, yes.
28:29But first,
28:31a question.
28:32Who is the other figure?
28:35Who have you found?
28:36to carry out
28:37such deeds,
28:38the lowest
28:39what man has come to,
28:40to dive
28:41in the depths
28:42from degradation,
28:43just to save
28:44your disgusting life?
28:46Percy,
28:51I introduce you
28:52to your Excellency
28:53the bishop
28:53from Bath & Wells,
28:55excellence
28:56Lord Percy Percy,
28:57heir to the duchy
28:58from Northumberland.
29:01Oh,
29:01hello.
29:04It has been
29:05a real pleasure
29:06work with you.
29:07Ten feet,
29:10the moral of this tale,
29:13be not a borrower or lender,
29:17and if your finances do fail,
29:20make sure your banker's not a bender.
29:23Blackadder,
29:25Blackadder,
29:27he trusted in the church.
29:30Blackadder,
29:32Blackadder,
29:34it left him in the church.
29:37Blackadder,
29:39Blackadder,
29:41his life was almost done.
29:44Blackadder,
29:46Blackadder,
29:48who gives a trust,
29:50no one.
29:52Blackadder,
29:53Blackadder,
29:53—
29:54Blackadder,
29:54blackadder,
29:54—
29:55blackadder,
29:56based on the organ,
29:57and
29:57the alș Wolf,
29:58and
29:59the Pengu,
30:05and
30:10the aluxo,
30:11and
30:12he
30:13it
30:15he
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