- hace 4 meses
Lord Blackadder se siente atraído por su nuevo sirviente, Bob. Cuando descubre que en realidad es una mujer, llamada Kate, decide contraer matrimonio con ella.
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00:00The Black Adder 2
00:30Bells
00:32Father, I have to talk to you. I can't keep silent any longer.
00:45All day long you grumble, mumble, drool, moan, and bang your head against the headboard, screaming that you want to die.
00:53Father, you may say that I jump to conclusions, but you are not completely happy, are you?
01:02It's because of the mother, isn't it?
01:04No, it's not because of that.
01:05You think about his death, don't you?
01:07Okay, I'll tell you this one last time. Your mother isn't dead. She ran away with your Uncle Henry.
01:12Dear Father, I know you're saying that to comfort me.
01:16Your mother is alive and kicking, living in Droywitz. I don't think about her.
01:21I am sad, my dear, because our poverty has reached such extremes that I cannot support you and I have to watch, with all the pain in my heart, as my daughter supports me in the last years of my life.
01:36But surely...
01:38Yes, Kate. I want you to become a prostitute.
01:43Never, Father.
01:45Are you turning against me?
01:46I have no choice. It's better to die poor than to live in shame and dishonor.
01:51It's not true.
01:53I'm young, strong, and intelligent. And my nose is pretty. I'll find a way to earn it.
01:59Oh, become a woman of easy virtue. It would be a steady job. And you'd do it without leaving home.
02:09Goodbye, Father. I'll go to London. I'll disguise myself as a boy and seek my fortune there.
02:17Oh, why go to London when you have a fortune under the vines?
02:24Oh, good shot, sir.
02:26Thanks, Balbric.
02:27Sorry I'm late.
02:31Don't apologize. I'm sorry you're alive.
02:36Well, the target is set.
02:40I would like to see the Spaniard who dares to cross my path.
02:44Go to Spain and you'll see millions.
02:47I advise you not to come near our women.
02:51Oh, yeah. Who is it this time?
02:53What do you mean?
02:59And who is Jane?
03:01I've sworn to silence. Torture me, kill me, but you'll never know.
03:06Oh, Jane Harrington!
03:09We are very much in love, sir.
03:12Did you say Jane Harrington?
03:14Yeah.
03:15Jane, bury me in a Y-shaped coffin.
03:17There may be two James Harringtons.
03:25No, tall, blonde, elegant.
03:27Yes, exactly.
03:28It is the secret door to an epidemic.
03:30Ah, sir.
03:32Pull at once.
03:35You'll forget about it.
03:38I did it.
03:39And Valdrick too.
03:50Oh!
03:51Curse!
03:53You know, he apparently has a thing for beards.
03:56In that case, I'll shave.
04:05Bad luck, Valdrick.
04:07Don't worry.
04:09In fact, the arrow did not enter my body.
04:11Very good.
04:12No, luckily my dick got in the way.
04:19Extraordinary.
04:20Yes sir.
04:21The bad thing is that now I'll have to leave her here forever.
04:25Good idea.
04:26It will be your lucky cock.
04:29Yes sir.
04:30In a few years I will show it to my grandchildren.
04:33Valdrick, I think you'll have to forget about offspring.
04:35Oh!
04:35Poor wretch, huh?
04:38Ha!
04:39I've never been in love with a woman like...
04:43Forward!
04:45Good morning, Lord Blackadder.
04:48Ah!
04:49Good morning.
04:50Boy.
04:55What brings you here?
04:57I am an honest, hard-working, but poor boy who has to support his father who is losing his mind.
05:03That's why I've come to London to serve you.
05:06That's fine by me, but I already have a servant.
05:09There are rumors that his servant is the worst in all of London.
05:14That's true.
05:16Valdrick, you're fired out of here.
05:19Well, young man.
05:20You got the job.
05:22What is your name?
05:23Kate.
05:24Isn't that a name...
05:26...of a woman?
05:27It is a diminutive of...
05:29...Bob.
05:30Bob?
05:34Yeah.
05:35Good.
05:36Bob.
05:37Welcome aboard.
05:41Valdrick, what are you still doing here?
05:42Don't have...
05:44...I have nowhere else to go, sir.
05:46Oh, they'll probably let you starve to death in one of the royal gardens.
05:50I have been at your service since I was two years old.
05:53Well, that's why seeing you makes me so sick.
05:57Can I stay and do the same job without pay, sir?
06:01You already know where you'll have to live.
06:03In the sewer.
06:03Yeah.
06:04And will you have to work more?
06:06Of course.
06:07Very good.
06:08Go into Bob's suitcases and take your trash out to the street.
06:11May God bless you.
06:13Well, Bob.
06:16Bob, this is Percy, a jerk I can never get rid of.
06:20Hello.
06:21Nice to meet you, Bob.
06:22You look like a joker.
06:25You seem like the kind of guy who likes to cheat, have fun...
06:29...and all sorts of similar mischief, huh?
06:31Of course you like it.
06:33And what's more, you're certainly a young rascal.
06:36Thank you for letting me stay, Lord Blackadder.
06:39You're welcome, Bob.
06:40I'm looking forward to having you...
06:42...have another man in the house.
06:44Instead of that animal from Valdrick.
06:48Excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom.
06:49Oh, how little he knows!
06:53But I'll soon get to know him well.
06:56Hey, Bob.
06:57I think this deserves a celebration.
06:59How about a game of ball and some tea at Mrs. Muggins's bakery?
07:04Get lost, ball!
07:07I like you, young Bob.
07:09You do have balls.
07:11Leave it alone, Melchie.
07:21It's useless.
07:22I'm still bored.
07:24I'm sorry, your majesty.
07:25His real father used to get a kick out of my Columbus imitation.
07:30I'm not surprised.
07:32I used to laugh.
07:34He laughed at people with strange faces and bells.
07:37The...
07:37The jesters, madam.
07:38No.
07:40Lepers.
07:43What is Edmund doing these days?
07:45Well...
07:46There are rumors that Lord Blackadder has been spending all his time lately with a young lad he has taken into his service, Your Grace.
07:55Would you spend more time with me if I were a boy?
07:58Surely not, ma'am.
07:59Your Majesty, he was almost a child, my dear.
08:02That?
08:02Yes, when you came out of your mother's womb, everyone screamed.
08:06It's a boy, it's a boy!
08:08But someone said, don't you have a cock?
08:11And I said, a child without piila?
08:14Praise God, it's a miracle, a child without a penis.
08:17Then Sir Thomas Moore pointed out that a boy without a penis is a girl.
08:25And we were all disappointed.
08:27Yes, that's true.
08:28Sir Thomas Moore was a very observant man.
08:30Oh, what happened to Edmund?
08:33There is something very strange about someone who spends all his time with his servant.
08:37Moments of love.
08:59The rain that rained every day.
09:03I love you with no one.
09:07My love is a turnip in Rosa Tudor.
09:14Madrigal of hot sex in the middle of my tights.
09:20And many, many more.
09:29Okay, Bob.
09:30We're a couple of friends, right?
09:32Let's be men and talk about women, okay?
09:35Ah yes, we can sing very dirty songs.
09:40Oh, God.
09:42I find your company curiously enjoyable, Bob.
09:45It's an honor for me and I just want to be with you, my friend.
09:50Well, there's actually nothing healthier and more normal than having a good buddy.
09:56What do you think, sir, of love?
10:02Like, he's taking you out?
10:04What would you say to me, sir, if I told you, I love you?
10:07Well, of course, that depends on who you tell.
10:15If you told that to a horse, it would think you were sick.
10:18If you told Baldrick, he'd think you were blind.
10:22And if you told me...
10:24Yes sir.
10:25Good, good.
10:27Naturally I would think it was a joke between friends about butt stuff.
10:30Just as healthy men often do.
10:33And he would probably grab you by the waist in a friendly way.
10:36and we would hit each other like the good buddies that we are.
10:39And we would laugh at what would happen if we really liked each other.
10:45In that case, sir, I love you.
10:48Ah!
11:05Don't worry, he tried to kill me too.
11:08Baldrick, I'm glad to see you.
11:10What do you want?
11:11Well, I wanted to ask if I can sleep on the roof.
11:14Tom Bailiff says if I stay in the sewer
11:16I'll end up in the Thames with the rest of the shit.
11:19Yes, certainly.
11:21Make yourself comfortable.
11:22Anyway, I was going to sleep.
11:25Well.
11:26Good night, Baldrick.
11:29Good night.
11:31Good evening, my lord.
11:34Yeah.
11:36My God.
11:41So what's the problem?
11:43Well, it's about my servant.
11:46I see.
11:47Well, don't be embarrassed.
11:49If you have syphilis, take out your servant.
11:51Put it on the table and I'll watch it.
11:53Don't you think so?
11:55No, no, no.
11:56Look, he's my real servant.
11:59Yeah.
12:00So what's wrong with him?
12:02Nothing happens to him.
12:03That's the problem.
12:04It's perfect.
12:05And last night, I almost kissed him.
12:08I see.
12:09So you've started to like men.
12:12Isn't that right?
12:13Men don't.
12:14A man.
12:14Let's not pull our hair out.
12:16It's all pretty disgusting already.
12:18And you will be worried.
12:19Of course I am.
12:20Of course.
12:22It's not every day that a man discovers he's a piece of trash with no right to live.
12:26in the eyes of God than a fox.
12:29Are you ashamed?
12:30Not really.
12:31Well, I would.
12:32But why the hell am I complaining?
12:35After all, you leave us real men with more fresh meat, don't you?
12:38I have to pay for the abuse.
12:40It is included in the price.
12:41No, it enters the service.
12:43But I think you're lucky.
12:45They have just developed a technique to cure exactly this kind of unseemly problem.
12:51It will have nothing to do with leeches.
12:54I didn't know you were a man of science.
12:56You doctors try to cure everything with leeches.
12:59One in the ear for earache, another in the butt for constipation.
13:03They are simply great.
13:04Not the one in the back.
13:06I sat down and squashed it.
13:08They are recommended to us by a top authority.
13:10Yes, I know.
13:11Dr. Hoffman from Stugar, right?
13:13Exact.
13:14The great Hoffman.
13:15He owns a huge leech farm.
13:18Yeah.
13:18Well, I can't spend all day gossiping.
13:21As far as this case is concerned, I have had time to reflect and I can recommend you
13:27fervently a cure with leeches.
13:31Nor will I have to put a pair on my birdie before going to bed.
13:35No, no, no, no, don't be ridiculous.
13:37We are not in the dark ages.
13:39Put four in your mouth in the morning and let them dissolve slowly.
13:44In a couple of weeks you'll be whipping him just like the rest of us.
13:49You're a common quack, aren't you?
13:50I'd rather be a quack than a troublemaker.
13:55Do you want anything else, sir?
13:57Here's a fat spider I found in the bathroom.
14:01I was going to eat it myself, but if you want...
14:04Shut up, Baldrick.
14:05I don't eat invertebrates for pleasure, you know?
14:08Doctor's orders.
14:10I don't believe in those new doctors.
14:12If I have something, I go to the wise woman.
14:15Yes, Baldrick, that's all I'm missing.
14:17Entrust me with some deranged druid who has her professional address in the dunghills of Putney.
14:30Tell me, young witch, is this Putney?
14:32Yes I know, yes I know.
14:35Yes it is, no yes I know.
14:40And don't talk to me in that stupid voice, I'm not a tourist.
14:46I am looking for information from the wise woman.
14:48Ah, the wise woman, the wise woman.
14:52Yes, the wise woman.
14:54First, sir, you should know two things about the wise woman.
14:59Which?
14:59First, that she is a woman.
15:05And second, that she is...
15:09Knew?
15:11Did you already know her?
15:12No, but a stab in the back in the dark of night is what you're going to get if you don't start cooperating more, you hear me?
15:21Answer me.
15:22Do you know where he lives?
15:24Clear.
15:25Where?
15:26There.
15:26Do you have a date?
15:28No.
15:29Well, go anyway.
15:31Thank you, young witch.
15:33I have a bag of money that I'm not going to give you.
15:35Hello, Edmund.
15:47Lord of the Black Viper.
15:49Hello.
15:50Don't say anything.
15:52I guess your bloody intentions.
15:55You're up to something, Blackadder.
15:57You would like to be king and drown Middlesex in a great barrel of wine.
16:03Ha ha ha!
16:05No no.
16:08Nothing could be further from my intention.
16:10I am in love with my servant.
16:12Well, if I were you, I'd sleep with him.
16:16That?
16:17When I like a man, I sleep with him.
16:21I have to drug him first, of course.
16:23Because I'm an ugly, disgusting old woman.
16:27But what about my position?
16:28And my social life?
16:29So, you have three paths open to you, three ingenious plans to cure your malaise.
16:38Ah, good.
16:40The first one is simple, kill Bob.
16:43Never.
16:44Try the second one.
16:46Kill yourselves.
16:47Oh, and the third one?
16:49The third is to ensure that no one ever finds out.
16:53That's more reasonable.
16:55As?
16:56Killing all the men and women in the world.
17:00Ha ha ha!
17:01Hey, Bob, I have something to tell you and I want you to listen carefully.
17:12Yeah.
17:13Look, Bob, I've decided to stop using your services for me.
17:17Oh, no, sir.
17:18My father will die of hunger and I will have to do...
17:22boy prostitute.
17:24Besides, I thought we were friends.
17:27We're friends, Bob.
17:28Of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course!
17:35In fact, that's why I want you to stop being in my service.
17:39And that you live here with me as my partner.
17:44Oh, sir!
17:45But I want to make it clear that I'm not interested in the contents of your tights.
17:51Will you be willing, sir, when you know what I have in them?
17:54Uh, no, Bob, I know very well what a gentleman keeps in his tights. Thank you very much.
17:59But, sir, I keep a big secret.
18:02Which?
18:04Prepare to be amazed.
18:08Oh no, you don't have a banana-shaped birthmark, do you?
18:12No.
18:13Or a tattoo that says it ends here.
18:17No.
18:17Oh my God, you don't have one of those belly buttons that sticks out, do you?
18:22No, ma'am.
18:23So what could it be?
18:28Ah, tits.
18:32Two minutes later.
18:35But why did you pretend to be Bob?
18:37So that you wouldn't use me and throw me away like you've done with so many other women.
18:42You think?
18:42Sure, but now you have the chance to love me for who I really am.
18:48Yes it's true.
18:50And now, I want to marry you, Bob.
18:54That?
18:56Then go on, kiss me, Kate.
19:00Your Highness, I bring recent information from your favorite knight, Lord Blackadder.
19:05Oh, good.
19:06Well, do you want to marry a girl named Bob?
19:10It's a very strange name for a woman, isn't it?
19:14Girls are usually called Elizabeth or Mary.
19:18Oh Donald.
19:19You're mouth is open again.
19:22That's true, Your Highness.
19:23I had three sisters and their names were Donald, Eric and Basil.
19:27And your name is Nursi?
19:28No, that's not my name.
19:29No?
19:30No.
19:31And what is your name?
19:33Bernard.
19:37Does it suit you?
19:39Majesty.
19:39Hello, stranger.
19:40I want your permission to get married.
19:42That's what I've heard.
19:43Melchie, what do you think about all this?
19:46Oh, I must confess, Your Grace, that I am surprised Lord Blackadder has eyes for a woman.
19:51that it's not you.
19:52Good observation, but that's my opinion.
19:54But when I fell in love with her, I didn't know she was a woman.
19:59I thought it was a man.
20:01That makes it perfectly acceptable.
20:05Oh, okay.
20:07You can marry her.
20:08Thank you, Your Majesty.
20:10But tell me one thing.
20:14Is your nose prettier than mine?
20:16Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, your majesty.
20:19Ah, very good!
20:21Because otherwise I would have to cut it off and you would have to marry someone without a nose.
20:26and it wouldn't be nice at all, would it?
20:28Right, ma'am?
20:31Also, imagine the scandal when he catches a cold.
20:35That's true, ma'am.
20:41Very good.
20:42You may leave.
20:47It seems like everyone is getting married except me.
20:50Neither do I.
20:51Oh, shut up, Berna.
20:52You'll make a wonderful bridesmaid, Baldrick.
20:59Poor me, I have no female company.
21:02We were so poor that we didn't even have any friends.
21:05It is not normal in the customs of this court to have a man as a lady-in-waiting.
21:09Thank you very much, sir.
21:10I use the word man in the lowest possible sense.
21:14They say that God made man in his image and likeness.
21:17What a bad image Christianity must have if God looks like you, Baldrick?
21:22Ignore the gentleman, grumpy one.
21:25That's it, Baldrick.
21:31You look like a fresh and pretty rose.
21:33That?
21:34It looks like what it is, a turd inside a dress.
21:38The monkey.
21:40You hadn't told me you were expecting guests.
21:50Especially one so beautiful.
21:53Oh, God.
21:56You're too pretty to have been hidden for so many years.
22:00Tell me, darling, what's your name?
22:03His name is Baldrick.
22:05Oh, Baldrick.
22:07It's a very pretty name.
22:10Edmund had a servant named Baldrick.
22:15But it doesn't matter.
22:17Enough of all this talk.
22:19Come on.
22:21Kiss me.
22:22That?
22:22How modest she is.
22:26Come on, tease, you know what I want.
22:29Give me a kiss.
22:30Okay, whatever you want.
22:31My God, what an original perfume.
22:48Oh my God, what an original perfume.
22:52Percy.
22:53Percy.
22:55This is our Baldrick in a woman's dress.
23:03Well, what did you want?
23:04Well, Edmund, there's been a discussion at court about who was going to be the best man, and I thought it would be time to end the discussion.
23:19Oh yeah, Percy.
23:20I would like you to...
23:21Oh, I feel very proud.
23:23Let me finish.
23:24I would like you to take this letter to Doble, where the galleon of my old companion and adventurer, Lord Flashheart, has just docked.
23:32He will be my godfather.
23:34Lord Flashheart.
23:35The best sword, the best marksman, the best sailor, and the best lover of all the king.
23:43Exactly. Go to Doble.
23:45Yeah.
23:48In fact, I was going to propose Lord Flashheart as your godfather as well.
23:53Hurry.
24:05Oh, Edmund, I can't believe this is happening.
24:09Well, it happens, darling.
24:10Before you go in, I want you to meet my father.
24:14OK.
24:21Excuse me, may I leave?
24:28I'm waiting for my father-in-law and the last thing I want now is to see a goddamn beggar who smells of cauliflower in the hallway.
24:33I am your father-in-law.
24:37Oh, no.
24:40How much do you want to disappear?
24:41What? How dare you? He's my father, my only living relative.
24:46Ten pounds will do.
24:48Father!
24:49Here you go.
24:51Edmund, why did you do it?
24:52I'll tell Baldry I got him out after the ceremony, and we'll get the money back. Let's go.
25:01Edmund, can we begin now?
25:03I want to go to the reception, get drunk and seduce someone.
25:07Yes, but unfortunately my godfather hasn't arrived yet.
25:10Find another one.
25:11The truth is, I can't think of anyone.
25:17What do you say?
25:18Nothing, sir. I cleared my throat.
25:22Good.
25:24I don't want you to cough during the ceremony.
25:27Oh, come on, Edmund. I'm sure you know someone else who could play best man.
25:32Fine. I can always ask Percy.
25:34Percy, Percy.
25:34Mister!
25:35Can you think of another godfather?
25:41Well, sir, a name comes to mind.
25:44Yes, but Baldry can't be. She's already the bridesmaid, and I also need a friend, an equal, a companion you can always trust.
25:53I think there's someone in this room who fits that description.
25:57Clear!
25:59Norsi, how about you put on some pants and be my best man?
26:03Edmund, don't be mean. You know perfectly well who Percy is referring to.
26:06Okay, sorry.
26:08Melchette.
26:09Okay, okay. I'm embarrassed, and it goes against my wishes, but Percy can be my best man if you want.
26:16Oh, sir! Noble cousin! What an honor! I've brought a ring!
26:23It's a shame Flash didn't show up.
26:30It's me!
26:31Flash!
26:34Flash for the name! Flash for the speed!
26:37Hooray! Hooray!
26:40Where was I?
26:41What, where was I?
26:42Ah!
26:43Now I'm here and...
26:48Who is that?
26:50I don't know, but he's taken your place.
26:52Not for long.
26:54Take!
27:01Thank you, bridesmaid. I like the beard.
27:06So I can hold onto something.
27:08So they've caught our old friend Eddie, huh?
27:16What's up? You don't like being around the mess anymore, huh?
27:21Hello, queen. You look very sexy.
27:24Wow!
27:25But wear your hair down. I prefer it that way.
27:29Oh! I'm crazy about him.
27:32Hey, Melchette!
27:33Still worshipping God?
27:38Mister...
27:39The last thing I heard was that he adored me.
27:41Hahaha!
27:42Ha ha ha!
27:45Ah!
27:46Nursey!
27:47I love them hard and juicy.
27:51I'm glad to see you or I have a canoe in my pocket.
27:55Come on, get down!
27:56Ha ha ha!
27:59Hahaha!
28:01And now...
28:04Where is the dove?
28:06That will stop my old friend Eddie from doing what he wants!
28:10Ten times a night!
28:12Oh, yeah, Flas. Meet me...
28:14...my fiancée...
28:16...Kate.
28:17Hello, baby!
28:18She has a tongue like an electric eel and likes a man's throat.
28:37Are you going to marry that guy? I'll wait for you on my horse.
28:43I can't run in this dress, I've discovered I prefer wearing boy's clothes
28:47How strange, I like to wear dresses
28:50I have a plan, as hot as my pants
28:55What a man this Flash is, huh? Things will liven up a lot more when he comes back here, won't they, Flash?
29:03Goodbye, assholes, next time you get bored, call me and I'll come and kill you.
29:07Goodbye, Edmune, and thanks for everything.
29:09Hurrah!
29:10It is customary in these circumstances for the groom to marry the bridesmaid.
29:18I suppose you want to follow the tradition
29:21I do
29:22Subclash or twitch the header's beard
29:28From now he always shall be single
29:32To fall in love with boys is weird
29:35Especially boys without a tingle
29:39Blackadder, Blackadder
29:42His taste is rubber-haut
29:45Blackadder, Blackadder, Blackadder
29:49I'll rank a little sod
29:52Your flesh heart, your flesh heart
29:56I wish you were the star
29:59Your flesh heart, your flesh heart
30:03You're sexier by fair
30:06Oh, my God
30:08Yeah
30:09Yeah
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