- hace 6 meses
Blackadder organiza una fiesta en su casa, el mismo día que recibe la visita de sus puritanos tíos Whiteadder.
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00:00The Black Adder 2
00:30Beer
00:33I must confess, My Lord, that it was very kind of you to invite me to share your breakfast at the beginning of the day.
00:44It is said, Percy, that the civilized man of this world seeks intelligent company so that, through learned discourse, he may rise above the irrational and draw near to God.
00:53Yes, I heard that.
00:55I like to start the day with a head full of energy and know that I'm the best.
01:00By my faith, Edmund, you are in good shape this morning.
01:02Don't say it, Percy. Only bad actors say it.
01:06How I would like to be an actor!
01:09As a young man, he had great talent. He was the young man with a thousand faces.
01:14And why did you choose the face you have now?
01:17Come on, my lord!
01:19Don't say "tate" either. It's just a short step from "tate" to "eyupi-yupi." And then what? I'll have to call the police.
01:25Well, God pats me and says, good boy, Edmund.
01:30My Lord?
01:31My uncle and aunt, Lord and Lady Whiteadder, the two most fanatical Puritans in England, have invited themselves to dinner here tonight.
01:39But aren't those boring?
01:41Yes, but they have one redeeming element: their wallet.
01:46With more capacity than an elephant's scrotum, just as difficult to mess up.
01:50At least until now, because tonight they wish to discuss my inheritance.
01:56Hey, eyupi-yupi, Milord, cheers.
01:59Baldrick?
02:00Why do you have a piece of cheese tied to your nose?
02:08To hunt mice?
02:10I lie on the floor with my mouth open and wait for them to come in, My Lord.
02:14And they come in?
02:15Not yet, My Lord.
02:17I'm not surprised, your breath seems to come straight out of Satan's ass.
02:21Valdrick, you'll only catch mice without a nose.
02:26What a shame, because the nose is the best thing about the mouse.
02:28A piece of mouse will be a luxury compared to what Percy and I will have for dinner tonight.
02:33We're going to host some puritan vegetarians, Valdrick, translated, no meat.
02:38In that case I'll prepare my turnip surprise.
02:41And the surprise is?
02:43Which is only accompanied by turnip.
02:44I mean, what else is turnip surprise called?
02:48With turnip.
02:49Uh, yeah.
02:51Perfect.
02:53Take the door.
02:56Well, my lord, if all goes well tonight, you deserve congratulations.
03:01Forget it, Percy, you won't get a penny.
03:10Valdrick, I advise you that the explanation you are about to give me be phenomenally good.
03:17You said take.
03:18You're fired.
03:19But, my lord, I've been in the family since 1532...
03:23Like syphilis, get out.
03:26Very well, My Lord.
03:28Oh, by the way, there was a messenger outside when I opened the door.
03:31She says the queen wants to see you.
03:34Lord Melchid is ill.
03:35Really?
03:37At death's door.
03:38Well, my faithful family servant rehired.
03:42Let's open it.
03:47Edmund, hurry, hurry.
03:49Melchid is dying.
03:50What can we do?
03:51Well, we'll have...
03:52What remedy?
03:53What to celebrate?
03:55But it's better to wait until he kicks the bucket, right?
03:58The old wet-nurse methods don't work.
04:01Come on, tummy.
04:03It all started last night.
04:05At about two o'clock.
04:07I was in bed in the middle of an amazing dream about some ponies.
04:11When I was awakened by terrifying knocks from Lord Melchid.
04:15Oh.
04:16I never thought he would dare.
04:18Yes, it's true, I promise.
04:20He was knocking on the castle doors.
04:23He couldn't stand.
04:24And he sang a very strange song about a girl who had something called...
04:28Carnation?
04:29Ah, yes.
04:31It's an old hymn, I think.
04:33Well, ma'am, I think I know what's wrong with Lord Melchid.
04:36And unfortunately it is not fatal.
04:38Well, hurry up and cure the old man.
04:40I'm tired of hearing him scream and moan.
04:43And that's not even counting the flatulence and thunderous farts he releases.
04:48You can't even breathe.
04:50The truth is that Lord Melchid can't hold his drink.
04:55I protest.
04:55I may be feeling a little sick this morning.
04:57But what I drank last night would have drowned a rhinoceros.
05:00If I were allergic to soda.
05:02Blackadder is the one who can't hold his drink.
05:04He is famous for it.
05:05Oh yeah?
05:06Yeah.
05:07Yeah.
05:07Great, Nursi!
05:09I think they're going to fight.
05:10I'm sure everyone remembers the shame and ignominy of the King of Austria's visit.
05:15When we saw Blackadder prowling naked through the corridors of Hampton Court singing.
05:19I'm Berlin, the happy pig.
05:22Melchid, what did you drink last night?
05:23Half a glass of potato juice?
05:25On the contrary.
05:26I drank two whole jugs of claret and a double portion of the turtle veod.
05:30And I can assure you that I'm not far behind at the annual wine tasting convention.
05:35Annual?
05:35Every night is a drunken night for me and my boys.
05:39Who says so?
05:39I say so.
05:40You say so?
05:41Yeah.
05:41Do you want to come over sometime and take a look under my table?
05:46Tonight.
05:47Tonight?
05:48Yeah.
05:49Come on, Melchid, are you scared?
05:50You're right.
05:52Cowardly hen.
05:54OK.
05:54I'll be there tonight.
05:56Hurrah!
05:56The last person to finish under the table will receive 10,000 florins from the loser.
06:03Lady?
06:04Yeah, well, I'll go get the beer.
06:07See you.
06:07Norsi, do you know what I'm going to do?
06:18That?
06:19I'll go and find out what exactly happens on those men's nights.
06:23Good idea, my little one.
06:24Yeah.
06:26I'll wear a hooded cloak so no one will recognize me.
06:30That's a good idea too.
06:32Hey, you're very clever.
06:33Be careful not to drop your foot.
06:35Is that what happens when you have great ideas?
06:42Is your foot falling off?
06:44Exactly.
06:45My brother had the brilliant idea of cutting all his toenails with a scythe.
06:49and his foot fell off.
06:53Very good.
06:54The kind of person we need is a drunken, aggressive jerk.
06:58with the intelligence of a four-year-old child
07:00and the sexual sophistication of a donkey.
07:04Cardinal Bolsi.
07:06Baldrick?
07:13Because?
07:14You see, my Lord, I have grown tired of the diet of mice.
07:17and I thought I'd try the cats.
07:20Good idea.
07:21And now, back to reality, do you have a knife?
07:24Yeah.
07:25Good, because I want to send invitations for a party
07:28and to make them appear especially violent,
07:30I have thought of writing them in blood.
07:32Your blood, of course.
07:33And how much blood do you think you'll need, my Lord?
07:37Not much, just a small puddle.
07:40Oh, and do you need me to cut off something like an arm or a leg, for example?
07:44One prick is enough.
07:51As you wish, my Lord.
07:52I am your lackey and I must obey.
07:55But what are you doing, Baldrick?
07:56I mean a finger prick.
07:59On my finger it scares me.
08:00Forget it, forget it.
08:03Thank you, my Lord.
08:05Well, Percy, how's the list going?
08:08It's going very well.
08:09I thought we could invite my girlfriend Gwendoline.
08:11No aunts.
08:12Who else?
08:14The truth is that it hadn't gone any further than that.
08:16Okay, I'll dictate to you.
08:17First, Simon Pichón.
08:19Oh no, the terror of farts.
08:22Also known as Mr. Ostrich?
08:24That same one.
08:25But it's a pig.
08:27Like poles repel each other.
08:28Second, Sir Goffre and urine.
08:31Do you urinate on the health of Cardinal Chander, my Lord?
08:34Himself.
08:35And third, Constipated Freddy, the flatulent hermit of Lindisfade.
08:42Well, I think that's enough.
08:43And of course, the White Tudder who will be here.
08:46Oh, yes.
08:48Oh, no.
08:50No, my God.
08:51I must confess that it seems that you are trying
08:54to hollow out the wing.
08:56A wrong impression, madam.
08:57I just want to do it another night, that's all.
08:59By no means.
09:01What did you say?
09:02He always comes up with one excuse after another.
09:05Now all that's left is for him to try to get rid of the bathroom too.
09:08He's not talking about bathrooms.
09:11Well, it should.
09:12Otherwise, how will it be really clean?
09:14He'll soon say he doesn't want his diapers changed.
09:19Lord Blackadder no longer wears diapers.
09:22In that case, it's much more important that you leave.
09:24Shut up, nurse!
09:26I know why you want to get rid of it,
09:28because I remember the last time you had a party,
09:31I found you upside down in a puddle
09:33singing a song about some elves.
09:36Yes, okay, okay.
09:37It will be tonight.
09:39Edmund, I love it when you get angry.
09:43I have sometimes thought of executing you.
09:44just to see the expression on your face.
09:46Well, let's see if you understood.
09:52Tonight we are going to celebrate two parties.
09:54Yeah.
09:54And they must be completely separated.
09:56OK.
09:57The first will involve beer launch,
10:00broken furniture and wall-to-wall vomit.
10:04It will be done here, Maldrick, in your room.
10:06Thank you very much, Milord.
10:08And second,
10:09Percy will be joining me here for turnip night.
10:13Is the turnip surprise ready?
10:16Yes, My Lord.
10:20What's so funny to you?
10:22Well, Milord,
10:23When Patrick and I were preparing the turnip surprise,
10:27we were in for a surprise.
10:29We found a turnip
10:30which had exactly the same shape as...
10:34of the little thing.
10:43The little thing.
10:45Like a huge little thing.
10:48It was fantastic.
10:49Size is no guarantee of quality, Maldrick.
10:53Most horses are very well endowed,
10:55but that doesn't mean they are the best lovers.
10:58I suppose you have withdrawn that copy.
11:00Oh, yes, yes, My Lord.
11:02Perfect.
11:03There is nothing that scares an inheritance more
11:05that a turnip is a little thing.
11:08Of course, Edmund.
11:10But it's been so much fun.
11:11Yes, yes, yes.
11:13And I found it ironic, My Lord,
11:15because I have a little thing that's shaped like a turnip.
11:18Yes, yes, yes.
11:19At parties I make a name for myself.
11:21Oh yeah?
11:22I hide in the vegetable rack and scare the children.
11:26What fun.
11:27Maybe you've forgotten that tonight
11:29I'm going to have a competition with Lord Melchet
11:31to see who can hold out the longest.
11:32And there are ten thousand florins at stake.
11:34My God.
11:34My God.
11:35I don't understand you.
11:37First, you don't have those ten thousand florins.
11:39and thirdly, with a drop of beer
11:41you fall on your faces
11:42and you start singing the goblin song.
11:45Foolishness.
11:47But just in case it were true.
11:49It's true.
11:49It's true.
11:50Yes, okay, that's true.
11:51So the plan is that when I tell you
11:53that you bring the strongest beer there is,
11:55You bring me water in a beer jug.
11:57Understood?
11:58Yeah.
11:59When you ask me for beer, I'll bring you water.
12:02Percy,
12:03Your job is to flatter my aunt here.
12:06I think you can trust me.
12:07on how to treat women.
12:09Oh, God.
12:10God.
12:11Okay, here we go.
12:18I'm done, let's go.
12:23Uncle, aunt.
12:24Welcome.
12:25How glad I am to see you.
12:29Son of the devil, don't lie.
12:32Everyone hates us and you know it.
12:34Yes, may I introduce you to my friend Lord Percy?
12:36Wow, wow, Eddie.
12:41You didn't tell me you had such a pretty aunt.
12:44Good morning, I wish you, great beauty.
12:48I know what I like and I like what I see.
12:51Get out, Satan!
12:52Ah, yes, well, I hope you had a good inheritance.
12:57I said inheritance is a journey.
12:59If you don't mind, take a legacy or a chair.
13:02Chairs?
13:05Do you have chairs in your house?
13:07Oh, yes.
13:08Son of the devil.
13:09Chairs are inventions of Satan.
13:12At home Nathaniel sits on a stake.
13:15Hey, and you?
13:16I sit on him.
13:19Two stakes would be an extravagance.
13:21It's true.
13:23Just once I will endure comfort.
13:25But between courses we will stab each other with forks.
13:30Did you remember that we don't eat meat?
13:32God forbid.
13:33Let us treat ourselves only to God's sacred turnips.
13:36Kneaded.
13:37Kneaded?
13:38Yeah.
13:39Son of the devil!
13:41Kneading is also the work of Beelzebub.
13:43For Satan saw the blessed turnip of the Lord, and he was envious, and he kneaded it to destroy its sacred form.
13:50Already.
13:51You bring me a proper turnip.
13:54OK.
13:55Badrick?
13:56Milord.
13:56Would you mind bringing my dear aunt a raw turnip, please?
14:00We only have here...
14:00Yes, obey. Thank you.
14:04Good.
14:05Not you, man.
14:06Do you want your turnip kneaded properly?
14:09He won't answer you.
14:10He has taken a vow of silence.
14:13I think silence is golden.
14:26Inheritance.
14:28Edmund.
14:29I hope you didn't invite anyone else.
14:32Of course not.
14:33Perfect.
14:33Because if there are other guests, there is someone to fornicate with.
14:36That's right, aunt.
14:39I'll tell them to go fuck themselves somewhere else.
14:41The orter will take care of you.
14:43Yeah.
14:47Well, Lord Whiteheader, a vow of silence.
14:51That's quite interesting.
14:54Tell me about it!
14:55But it's not my birthday!
15:06Archdeacon!
15:09We wish you the best!
15:13Happy Birthday!
15:16But it's not my birthday! Archdeacon!
15:23Get in there, boys!
15:25Meteos? Do you understand?
15:28Sounds a little green. Get in there!
15:32Sorry. I'll be right back.
15:35Back again? Hey, guys! That's something green too. It looks a bit like... an egg!
15:41Oh, Melche! It's too late to avoid the first few drinks.
15:45Melche, you're a beginner. You don't even have a pair of fake tits.
15:49Or contract, Blacan.
15:51Yeah, well, let's wait until we start actually drinking, okay?
15:54Here?
15:54No, we're here. This way.
16:02Good afternoon.
16:03Friends, this is Lord Melchet.
16:05Bravo!
16:07Give him a big one, will you?
16:08A big one! Do you get it?
16:11Of course! A big one! Sounds very green!
16:15Oh yeah! A big one!
16:17At first, the conversation will go to your heads, Melche, but you'll soon get used to it.
16:22Well, inside.
16:24Hurrah!
16:24Is there a party?
16:38No, there are two and you are not invited to either.
16:41But I am a friend of Lord Percy.
16:43Ah, you must be Gwendolyn. Well, you were invited. Come in, come in.
16:46Thank you.
16:49It's there.
16:50Thank you.
16:57I'm sorry.
16:59Sorry.
17:05He is sick.
17:07He has leprosy.
17:09Yes, here.
17:11What he's trying to tell you, Edmund, is that you've got a pair of balls on you, the devil.
17:15My earmuffs have fallen off.
17:24Is it cold in here? Do you want me to get you a pair? It's very cold.
17:28No, thank you. That's God's way of telling us to burn Catholics.
17:34Yes. And she reminds me of Auntie.
17:36Don't call me Auntie. An aunt is a relative, evidence of sex. And sex is not a suitable topic for the table.
17:46Any table? Except a brothel.
17:51Ah!
17:52Percy, I think you fell off your chair. Well, as I was saying...
17:56Oh my God.
17:58Your turnip, my lady.
17:59Very good, very good.
18:10You know, Nathaniel, this reminds me of our wedding night.
18:18That night I also ate a turnip.
18:25What has it been?
18:26What has been what?
18:27That noise.
18:30Noise?
18:32Have you heard anything, Percy?
18:33No.
18:34Okay.
18:35Apart from a few drunks.
18:37Ah!
18:40That noise is the Catholics who live next door.
18:44I'm going to burn them. I'll be right back, Percy.
18:54Yeah?
18:54I'm drowning!
18:55Well, I'm here now.
18:57Come on, breathe, take a deep breath.
19:00Again.
19:01Better?
19:02Yeah.
19:03Good.
19:06One thing can be said about Catholics.
19:09They have a lot of rhythm in their body.
19:11Oh?
19:12Do you understand?
19:13I noticed you don't drink.
19:17Don't worry about me.
19:19I've had enough of my own.
19:20Hey?
19:21Can I hold on?
19:22That also sounds incredibly green.
19:26Yes, I've never been to college.
19:29But, Blackadder, that doesn't explain why you don't drink.
19:33Yes, that's exactly what I came to talk about.
19:35You'll see what you think about the idea of ten minutes of absolute silence to really drink.
19:40Hooray!
19:42Hooray!
19:43Hooray!
19:43Shh!
19:46I said silence.
19:48Don't fill me with saliva.
19:51Here's a nice glass of cider.
19:55Only cider.
19:56I'm going to put some brandy in it.
19:58Well, how's everything going?
20:13Not very well.
20:15Let's discuss your inheritance.
20:16Yes, perfect.
20:18Shall we drink first?
20:19Drink, son of a bitch?
20:21Alcohol is the urine of the ultimate sinner in hell.
20:24No, no, no, no, no, no.
20:25No, no, this is just water.
20:28This is a house of simple purity.
20:38Big drunk, Edmund!
20:43Hooray!
20:49Do you know that man?
20:51No.
20:56Did Edmund call you?
20:58Yes, I know him, yes, of course.
21:01Can you explain to me what he meant by being very drunk?
21:04Of course I can.
21:22My friend is a missionary.
21:25And on his last great journey, he brought with him the great chief of a famous tribe.
21:34His name is Big Drunk.
21:38He disappeared a couple of days ago and just now came back.
21:46And he told me he was the big boss Borrach.
21:50Very well, Edmund.
21:51And I think I'd better go see him.
21:53Percy, go on.
21:54Yes, what if we play something?
22:00A couple of passes from...
22:02Push, piggy, push!
22:05Blackadder!
22:07You challenged me to see who of us drinks more and I haven't seen you drink a single drop.
22:12Silly!
22:13It's true!
22:14You wriggle and wriggle like something that wriggles and wriggles.
22:18You're a cowardly coward and you can call me Susan if you don't.
22:21Okay, fine.
22:24Baldrick, bring me the strongest ale.
22:27Oh my God, isn't that Dr. Maglou's enema?
22:31Ah, that's for college girls.
22:33Not even the big elephant vomit?
22:36No, it's a bowel cleansing plate.
22:38A concoction that cracks the craw of a cement elephant.
22:42No, Baldrick?
22:44No, it's water.
22:45That?
22:46Water?
22:49No, seriously, Baldrick, if you want to see the sunlight again...
22:52Didn't you tell me to bring the strongest beer?
22:55Yes, that's it.
22:56Well, I thought I was wrong.
23:00You're right, it is water.
23:02Come on, guys, let's give him a real drink.
23:06Yeah.
23:07Oh, okay.
23:08Asses up!
23:09Ass sounds like ass!
23:12Believe.
23:12Drink, Blackadder.
23:14Baby.
23:22Forty-two seconds later.
23:25Oh, Lady.
23:26Percy.
23:28I have lost.
23:30Edmund, son of the devil, explain yourself.
23:35Can't.
23:36It's not easy at all.
23:40I'm a very complicated person, Tita.
23:44Sometimes nice.
23:47Other unpleasant ones.
23:50And sometimes I like to sing songs like this.
23:56Look at the little elf.
23:58Explain to me, why are you wearing a cardinal's hat now?
24:02Why do you smile like a fool?
24:04And why is there an ostrich feather hanging from your pants?
24:08I wear a cardinal's hat because I am Cardinal Chander.
24:14And I have an ostrich feather in my butt because Mr. Ostrich put it there so the elves don't escape.
24:23And I smile like a fool because I just swindled you and your henpecked husband out of a large and splendid inheritance.
24:32If that is true, may I remind you, creature of the devil?
24:40That the inheritance will only be yours if you don't drink or gamble.
24:44Ah, yes, yes. Percy, the devil farted in my face again.
24:50And not talking about farts was the other condition.
24:53Go fuck yourself.
24:58How dare you speak to my husband like that?
25:02Nathaniel, we're leaving.
25:05And you?
25:06Yeah.
25:07Has anyone ever told you to your face that you're an idiot?
25:11Ah, yes.
25:13Ale.
25:13Have a good trip, come on, witch.
25:19He forgot his broom.
25:22Hey, I just wanted to thank you for such a wonderful evening.
25:28Everything is first class.
25:30Especially the jester.
25:33And by the way, I liked the turnip.
25:39Very funny.
25:40It was exactly like a little thing.
25:46My God!
25:48Wow, look who it is.
25:50Who is it?
25:51Well, it's a men's party.
25:53And if it's a girl, it must be the one stripping.
25:59No no.
26:01Don't be depressed, my Lord.
26:04Listen.
26:06Money isn't everything.
26:08Think of flowers, clouds, and the beautiful smiles of all little children.
26:16Shut up, Percy!
26:18Here.
26:24Another one from the striptease!
26:26Hurrah!
26:26And a male one!
26:28Hurrah!
26:29Oh yes, this must be it!
26:35And she came dressed as a queen!
26:39How sexy!
26:42Do you know who I am?
26:45Yes, I know who you are.
26:48Who?
26:48You are Merlin, the happy little pig.
26:53Hurrah!
26:55You made a mistake!
26:57I am the Queen of England.
27:06You may have a weak body like a woman.
27:10But the heart and stomach are those of an elephant.
27:17Prove it!
27:19Silence!
27:21First I'm going to have a drink and then I'm going to order you all to be executed.
27:27The next day at dawn.
27:32Look at the little elf, look at his feet and his little nose, isn't he adorable?
27:40Yeah!
27:40Look at the little elf...
27:43I seem to remember that I had to do something very important with you today.
27:48Yeah!
27:48Yeah!
27:50I seem to remember something about ten thousand florins.
27:54I think it was something about a great inheritance.
27:58Well, do you want to know what happened to the little elf or not?
28:01Yeah!
28:03Well, it's about time you let me continue the song and hopefully finish it.
28:09Luck!
28:11Luck, do you understand?
28:14No!
28:15No!
28:16Oh, come on!
28:18Luck sounds almost exactly the same as death...
28:24No!
28:25No!
28:26No!
28:27No!
28:28No!
28:29No!
28:30No!
28:31No!
28:32No!
28:33No!
28:34No!
28:35No!
28:36No!
28:37No!
28:38No!
28:39No!
28:40No!
28:41No!
28:42No!
28:43No!
28:44No!
28:45No!
28:46No!
28:47No!
28:48No!
28:49No!
28:50No!
28:51No!
28:52No!
28:53No!
28:54No!
28:55No!
28:56No!
28:57No!
28:58No!
28:59No!
29:00No!
29:01No!
29:02No!
29:03No!
29:04Jo rarely!
29:06No!
29:07William!
29:08Holland Valade!
29:10...
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