- hace 4 meses
A raíz del regreso del explorador Sir Walter Raleigh, Blackadder intenta impresionar a la reina y parte en barco al Cabo de Buena Esperanza, de donde ningún hombre ha vuelto.
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00:00The Black Adder 2
00:30Potato
00:33Are you coming?
00:41No
00:41But, my lord, it will be a unique experience.
00:48It won't be
00:50Ah!
00:54Everyone goes
00:55Don't exaggerate, Percy, I'm not going
00:58And Mrs. Miggins, the pastry chef, is not going either.
01:01My lord, you are very cruel.
01:03You know perfectly well that Mrs. Miggins is paralyzed from the nose down.
01:07And he will also honor this occasion in his own way.
01:11She's going to make a huge commemorative cake.
01:13In the shape of a huge commemorative cake
01:16That woman is brimming with imagination.
01:19Oh, come on, come on, my lord.
01:22The greatest explorer of our time returns home
01:25The streets have never been so festive
01:28Women who laugh, children who sing
01:30Look, look!
01:32Twelve sailors are abusing one man
01:34And this one still smiles
01:36Hey, Percy, Sir Walter's back!
01:39Wow, what a big ship I have!
01:41It is a matter that leaves me extremely indifferent.
01:44My lord, if you are not careful
01:47The children will dance in front of our window
01:50And they will start singing in an unpleasant and grumpy way.
01:52And I don't think you like it, do you?
01:54I can survive it
01:56Well, Percy, get out of here before I cut your head off.
01:59Empty the contents and give it to your mother as a vase.
02:03What a fool!
02:07The most absurdly dressed creature
02:09With one exception
02:17Milord
02:19Valdrick you look like a deer
02:21Thank you, Milord, and you look like a duck
02:24Oh God, what do you want?
02:28I was wondering if I could take the afternoon off.
02:30Of course not
02:31Who do you think you are, the queen?
02:34You'll have the afternoon free when you die.
02:36Not before
02:37I just want to go welcome Sir Walter.
02:40Lord, on a day like today
02:42I am proud to be a member of the greatest kingdom in the world
02:45I'm sure other members of the animal kingdom
02:48They feel the same way you do, Valdrick.
02:50Why don't they shut up?
02:52Damn explorers
02:55They go from harlot to hare's nest
02:57They return with a tropical disease
02:58With a bag full of brown, bumpy stuff
03:01And everyone puts a picture of them in the toilet.
03:05And what about the people who do all the work?
03:07The servants?
03:08No, it's me
03:09I who do everything
03:10Look at this
03:11What is it?
03:13I'm surprised you forgot.
03:15I haven't forgotten it
03:16It is a rhetorical question
03:17No, it's a potato
03:19Hey
03:19For you it's a potato
03:22For me it's a potato
03:24But for the damned Sir Walter Mummy
03:27It's mansions in the countryside
03:28Carriages and as many girls as his tongue can hold
03:31The guy is making a fortune with this.
03:35They smoke them
03:36They build houses with them
03:38And they will end up eating them
03:40Stranger things have been seen
03:43Exactly
03:44That a horse would become a father
03:46That is
03:47Oh, God
03:49It must be some idiot.
03:50With a parrot on his shoulder
03:52They sell plaster ovens
03:53By Sir Francis Drake
03:55And her golden ass
03:56Unfriendly grump
03:59Unfriendly grump
04:02Unfriendly grump
04:04Unfriendly grump
04:07Unfriendly grump
04:07Unfriendly...
04:08Oh!
04:09Mommy!
04:11Why aren't you at school?
04:13Oh, Blackadder
04:15You've already started talking to yourself.
04:16It's the only way to have an intelligent conversation
04:19What do you want?
04:21I was passing by here on my way to the palace
04:23To welcome Sir Walter
04:25And I was wondering if you wanted to join me.
04:26I'm not interested in putting up with three hours of sailors' boasting.
04:30On how they collected the cookie crumbs
04:32And they drank urine
04:34Not my ideal of fun
04:36As you wish
04:37Server, my hat
04:38A potato?
04:40No, thanks
04:41I see you have had the decency
04:45Not going to the party half-dressed as a Nottingham Forest deer
04:49Here you have it, my lord.
04:50Thank you
04:50Well no
04:54The truth is, it's better if you don't come, Blackadder.
04:58Because at the moment you are not very popular at court
05:00And the queen and I...
05:00Well, I think I can leave this for tomorrow.
05:02Don't worry, you're very busy.
05:04No, no, no, no, no, no problem
05:05It is clear that the queen and I will be the only ones dressed with some decency.
05:09Who is it?
05:13Melchid, my lady
05:14Oh, stop!
05:15Close your eyes
05:19And now it happens!
05:23Aha! Enter the seaport!
05:29Okay, open your eyes.
05:32Thank you, Your Majesty. I...
05:36What's up, Melchette?
05:38Well, excuse me, my lady. I wanted to greet the gallant sailor who greeted me as I came in.
05:44But perhaps, perhaps the sailor has already weighed anchor and set sail.
05:50No! It was me!
05:53Your Majesty, it is impossible.
05:57You are a fake.
06:02Well, where's that rat that smells like smoked herring?
06:06That barnacle-like bottom, sir, you rather imbecilic Rallets?
06:11I've been told he's as funny as one of his potatoes.
06:14Oh! Is Blacader a landlubber, Melchie?
06:19Of course, ma'am. He's not some old sea dog yelling...
06:22Me! Oh! Oh!
06:23And I might venture to guess that he's hiding a bottle of rum.
06:28It's him!
06:30Oh my God!
06:31Tell me, am I divine and regal, but at the same time very attractive and terribly approachable?
06:37You are every sailor's dream, Your Majesty.
06:41That's what I thought.
06:44If he's very handsome, I think I should marry him.
06:48Isn't that a bit hasty?
06:50No, I don't think so.
06:53He is afraid of staying to dress up as a saint.
06:55Majesty!
07:02Let the rum flow, Sir Walter!
07:05My sails swell at the sight of you, buccaneer!
07:08As?
07:09He said hello.
07:13I say the same, for I have brought you great gifts and dominions beyond your wildest dreams.
07:20Are you sure?
07:21It's just that my dreams are pretty wild, you know?
07:24I'm not sure what they mean, but the other day I had a dream that there was a huge tree and I was sitting on top of it.
07:31Lady.
07:31And again I dreamed that I was a sausage.
07:35Majesty!
07:35Oh!
07:38Oh!
07:38I'm so excited I don't know what I'm saying to myself.
07:42Oh!
07:42Come on, Sir Walter, I want to hear absolutely everything.
07:47Prepare to hear stories full of difficulties, suffering and misfortunes.
07:54We sailed from Plymouth in the spring of 1552.
08:00And let's go...
08:03Do you remember Lord Blackadder?
08:06No.
08:06But I see that he is the kind of mainland wimp I have always despised.
08:14More or less.
08:16Don't bother Sir Walter.
08:17Twice last week I fought hand-to-hand with a creature with two heads and no hair on its body.
08:24And I'm willing to guarantee that the most exciting thing that's happened to this prude all year is that his servant forgot to put sugar in his porridge.
08:34Oh, what sturdy legs.
08:40While the six seas of the world are in my hands, he couldn't even put six candies in his mouth.
08:48There's no way around it, is there, Walter?
08:52Certainly.
08:59My rooms are upstairs, you know.
09:01I understood, Sir Walter, that there are seven evils.
09:06Ah, just from a numerical point of view.
09:09We navigators do not count the sea surrounding the Cape of Good Hope.
09:14Known as the Sea of Certain Death, because no sailor has ever passed through it alive.
09:20My, my, what an extraordinary coincidence.
09:22What is the extraordinary coincidence?
09:26That I was planning to take a trip around the Cape of Good Hope.
09:31I'm leaving on Thursday in eight days, I think.
09:33Really?
09:34Yes, and now that...
09:36I forgot your name.
09:39He's back and he smells like fish, I'm thinking of setting sail this afternoon.
09:43If you make that trip, you have no meaning.
09:46Or a heart that knows no fear.
09:48That's true?
09:49Don't you know fear?
09:50No, I laugh in the face of fear and pinch the nose of terror.
09:56Yes, Edmund, I had forgotten what you look like.
09:59You won't dare.
10:01On that Cape the rain falls like sharp spears.
10:04It makes the head bleed.
10:06Just put on a hat and that's the solution.
10:11And what's more, huge dragons leap out of the water and swallow entire ships.
10:16I must remember to take the larger of my two nets.
10:19Oh, Edmund!
10:20You are wonderful!
10:23If you do, I'll marry you.
10:32Okay.
10:33And who is your captain?
10:35In my opinion, there is only one sea wolf with the guts to attempt such a journey.
10:40Oh yeah?
10:41And who is it?
10:42Well, Ron, of course.
10:44Captain Rum Redbeard.
10:45Very good.
10:46It was a test.
10:48And where can you find him?
10:50If I remember his ways, he'll be on top of the old wolf.
10:53Yeah.
10:54And where is the old wolf?
10:56Let's see.
10:56On Tuesdays she sleeps with the captain.
10:58Oh, boy!
11:11Oh yes!
11:13Well, Ron, I want to hire you and your boat.
11:17Deal?
11:19Oh, you have ladylike hands!
11:23I bet these delicate hands have never raised anchor in a storm.
11:28Well no, you're right.
11:30Oh, you have woman's skin!
11:35I bet you've never felt a cat's claws, or had salt rubbed on you, or been given a captain's
11:40The pirate has torn it into strips to make socks for his cabin boy.
11:46Extraordinary.
11:46I don't know how you do it, but you're right.
11:48And why would I let a stupid clam like you on my ship?
11:52Maybe because of the money in my purse.
11:54Ah!
11:57This is a woman's bag!
12:00I bet this bag has never been used as a rowboat.
12:04And that 16 castaways have never clung to it.
12:09Yes, you got it right again.
12:11I must say that when it comes to a story of courage and bravery, I'll have to keep my mouth shut.
12:17Oh my Lord!
12:18You have a woman's mouth!
12:20I bet that mouth has never had to chew the side of a boat to escape the terrible killer swordfish.
12:28Yes, and I confess that when I came I had no idea that I would have to eat your ship apart from renting it.
12:33But since it's clear you're crazy, here you stay.
12:37Damned courtiers of the queen!
12:38You are nothing but a woman's lapdogs!
12:42Better a woman's lapdog than a man's...
12:47...silly.
12:47So you have some guts after all.
12:54I'll sail! I'll sail!
12:56We will set sail as soon as possible.
12:58I'll pick up the first officer and get back as fast as my two legs will carry me.
13:02Oh, my Lord! You have the legs of a woman!
13:07I bet you've never had a candle fall on you and cut your candles.
13:11And the sea has taken them away before your very eyes.
13:15Nor yours.
13:16You're wrong there!
13:20Oh my God!
13:22Don't change your mind.
13:23No one else will come because it's a suicidal trip.
13:27What is the first officer's name?
13:28Per se.
13:29A sea wolf!
13:31Yeah.
13:32It's like a fish out of water.
13:34I'm not going.
13:36I'm not going.
13:39Of course I would love to go on this trip, but unfortunately...
13:44...I have an appointment to have my nostrils waxed.
13:49In a year.
13:50Forgive me, my Lord, but I thought it was because you were a coward.
13:55Don't be ridiculous, Baldrick.
13:57You already know me.
13:59I laugh in the face of danger and pinch the nose of the fearsome killer swordfish.
14:06I'm not one of those faint-hearted people who gets scared at the mere sight of water.
14:14Okay, I admit it, I admit it.
14:18I'm terrified.
14:19You know, Baldrick?
14:23When I was little, a turbot like that attacked me.
14:30Oh, Baldrick, can't you think of any plan to get me out of this?
14:34Hide, my Lord.
14:35Hide.
14:36Brilliant.
14:37Where?
14:44In the trunk.
14:46In which one?
14:47In this one.
14:49Perfect!
14:53Let's rehearse!
14:54Edmund comes in and asks.
14:56Hey Baldrick, you haven't seen Percy, have you?
14:59And you tell him.
15:00No, my Lord, I haven't seen him all day.
15:03Oh, great!
15:04Oh my God, it's coming.
15:09Hello, Baldrick.
15:11Where the hell is that jerk Percy?
15:12Yes, my Lord, it's in the trunk.
15:28Come on, you idiot.
15:29Hurry or we'll miss the tide.
15:34Oh, Edmund, I'm so proud.
15:37Now you are my hero.
15:39Today I'm getting sentimental.
15:44Madam, you move me.
15:46And if you think of me in my absence, you might get sentimental again.
15:51I will consider my certain death as a trifle.
15:55Oh, Edmund, I've written a poem.
16:01Madam, it is a great honor.
16:03When the night is dark and the dogs are guarding.
16:13When the clouds are clear and the ducks are waddling.
16:19When the sky is blue and the cows are wailing.
16:26Think of your lovely queen that she thinks more than you.
16:31It's called Edmund.
16:35Shakespeare helped me with the title, but I did the rest.
16:40Heavenly music, my lady.
16:42But you hadn't always made such beautiful speeches.
16:45It seems like it was just yesterday when all you knew how to say was...
16:47Lizzie goes plop, plop.
16:50Shut your mouth, will you?
16:53Well, I'm sure Mech and...
16:56Wally also wants to say something.
16:59Ah, yes, that's right.
17:01Goodbye, Blackadder.
17:06I would say Bombo to Yash, but it doesn't make sense.
17:08You will be dead in three months.
17:11I adore you, Walter, you know that.
17:16Very well, Blackadder.
17:18The country's most outstanding cartographers have prepared this for you.
17:21It's a map of the area you'll soon be crossing.
17:24And they would be very grateful if you could draw it as they go by.
17:31Bye bye.
17:33What is that?
17:35To Tilbury, boys.
17:37The wind swells the sails.
17:40The oars move restlessly and we have to set sail.
17:44Ma'am, he's my captain, long beard and short legs.
17:50Oh, captain!
17:51I wish you luck from the bottom of my heart.
17:54You have a woman's backside, my lady.
17:59I bet that pair of peaches are so sweet
18:01has never been inserted between two chipped boards
18:05to cover the hole and save the mud.
18:09No never.
18:10Which I am very happy about.
18:12What's wrong with female butts?
18:14They are not big enough.
18:17Maybe mine.
18:19Oh!
18:21In this case, my little quince sweet.
18:24Let's not beat around the bush.
18:27I know I'm just a braggart old man with no legs
18:29and a beard where a louse would get lost.
18:31But if you accept me, I will be the captain of your ship forever.
18:36What do you say?
18:38Oh!
18:39Yes please!
18:40I'll be back!
18:42We will all return!
18:44Oh!
18:45Oh, Edmund.
18:46Edmund, you're leaving now.
18:49Are you wearing clean underwear?
18:51Don't eat any food.
18:53Beware of strangers.
18:55Discover a continent for me and bring me a huge vegetable.
18:58And... everything.
19:00Ma'am, I'll do what I can.
19:03Bye bye!
19:06And don't wait for me.
19:08Raised.
19:13He's leaving.
19:14Well, that's the last time we see him.
19:17In three months he'll be as dead as an Egyptian mummy.
19:21Oh, Sir Walter, mummy!
19:23Oh, Sir Walter, mummy!
19:25You didn't join the...
19:39Ha ha, Percy!
19:41No.
19:43I think about England and the girl I left behind.
19:45Oh wow!
19:46I didn't know you had a girl.
19:48Yeah!
19:49Lady Caroline Fairfax.
19:51Caroline.
19:52I didn't know you knew her.
19:53Yeah!
19:54I even touched her once.
19:57You touched what?
20:00To her once in the corridor.
20:03I didn't know it was also called that.
20:05Well, when you come back in six months you'll be a hero.
20:09And he'll let you touch him twice.
20:12I'm afraid not.
20:14Why not?
20:15Because we'll never go home again.
20:17We are lost.
20:18Lost!
20:19Condemned to an underwater grave with a captain who can't stand on his own two feet.
20:24Lie.
20:24I haven't drunk a drop of it.
20:26No no.
20:27I say this because he has no legs.
20:30Oh yeah?
20:30You are right.
20:32Continued.
20:32I'm sorry.
20:33God, no hope.
20:38We have no hope of returning home.
20:40On the contrary.
20:41We'll definitely be back.
20:42That?
20:43Because sailors do not go to the Cape of Good Hope.
20:47That?
20:47We are actually heading to France.
20:50To France?
20:52But, Edmund, France has already been discovered.
20:56By the French, of course.
20:58Exactly.
20:59It's a trick.
20:59We will camp in the Dordogne for six months.
21:02We'll get a tan, we'll come back, we'll pretend we've rounded the cape, and we'll take the glory.
21:06Hurrah!
21:07A master plan, young master.
21:10And that leads me to make some statements.
21:13What's up, Ron?
21:14That in any case he didn't know how to go to the Cape of Good Hope.
21:17My God.
21:18And what were you going to do?
21:19Ah, what I always do.
21:21Sail around White Island until everyone gets seasick.
21:24And we go back home.
21:26Old canai.
21:27Well, what does it matter?
21:28The day after tomorrow we will be in Calais.
21:30Captain, heading for France.
21:33Hurrah!
21:35The next day has passed tomorrow.
21:38So you don't know how to get to France either.
21:42No.
21:45I must confess that I don't.
21:48Bug.
21:54He's only been gone for three days and I already miss him.
21:57Very good.
21:58Perhaps, madam, I could entertain you with more stories of my many adventures.
22:05Which one?
22:06Would you like to hear the one about the crazy pirate whose crew consisted only of men named Roger?
22:13I know it.
22:15Oh, well.
22:16I know.
22:17Maybe I could distract you with that story about the time I fell into the water and was almost eaten by a hammerhead shark.
22:26Yes, okay.
22:27Tell me that one.
22:29You'll see.
22:29I fell into the water and was almost eaten by a fish.
22:36And the most curious thing is that its head was exactly the same shape as a hammer.
22:44Oh my God!
22:46Is it better if you bring me gifts or am I going to wipe out all the explorers?
22:51Lady.
22:52And I'll tell you something else.
22:54Edmund was right.
22:56You smell like fish.
22:57Stinky!
22:59Enough, enough, enough, enough to hear me, don't panic!
23:04Someone on the crew will know how to steer this.
23:08The crew?
23:10The crew.
23:12Which sir?
23:15I was under the impression that it was customary for a ship to carry a crew.
23:20Opinions on the subject are very divided.
23:23Really?
23:24Yeah.
23:24Yeah.
23:25All the other captains say yes.
23:28And I don't.
23:29Oh my God!
23:30This is so they can tie him up.
23:32Six months later.
23:35Silwalter's death sentence for you to sign, Your Majesty.
23:38Oh excellent!
23:41News from Edmund?
23:43Well, ma'am, if they're still alive, they must be approaching the drinking-their-own-bank stage.
23:49Don't be so horrible.
23:52Edmund would rather die.
23:55I fear it is all an illusion, Your Majesty.
23:57Forward.
24:05So soon?
24:08You said today.
24:10Yes, it's just that I'm not very thirsty right now.
24:13Three weeks ago I drank a whole glass of stagnant water.
24:18Okay, come on, let's do it.
24:21Do we drink someone else's or each other's?
24:23Badrick!
24:24Sorry, Milo.
24:25Captain Ron joins this party where everyone brings their own drink or stays out of it.
24:32No, no, he's been drinking his for months.
24:34He says he likes it.
24:36Come to think of it, it started before the water ran out.
24:41Well, let's do it.
24:44Ten minutes later.
24:46The same thing always happens to me.
24:48I get blocked and nothing comes out.
24:51Me neither.
24:52I have made two.
24:55Okay, then serve us.
24:58And that I have to drink Baldrick's water.
25:01A lot?
25:01Enough.
25:06Inward.
25:09Land ahoy!
25:14Ah!
25:15France at last!
25:16Hurrah!
25:17No, no, boy.
25:19Thanks to the favorable wind and our navigational skills,
25:22The ship has reached the shores of Albiol again.
25:25Hurrah!
25:26Luckily we attacked the port of Southampton.
25:29Hurrah!
25:30There you stay.
25:31And the last one to arrive, let him suck the cat's cock.
25:37This doesn't look like Southampton to me, Milo.
25:39That?
25:41Those rivers of lava, the steaming swamp with mangroves
25:44and that tribe of natives who rub their bellies
25:48and point to a huge pot.
25:52Oh my God!
25:54Two years later.
25:55And where are they now?
26:03Well, madam, if the cannibals haven't eaten them,
26:07I would say they are almost ready to fall.
26:10Lady!
26:10Edmund!
26:11Are you alive?
26:13Yeah.
26:14Ah!
26:14And your simple friend?
26:16Lord Percy, sir.
26:18Ah!
26:18And your monkey too.
26:20Majesty.
26:21Where is Captain Ron?
26:23Bad news, Milady.
26:25Ron is dead.
26:27Ah!
26:29Don't despair, woman.
26:32He died like a barn.
26:33He gave his life so that his friends could be saved.
26:37And so that their enemies would have something to accompany the potatoes.
26:42You mean I do it?
26:43Yeah.
26:44Your fiancé was a third-class captain,
26:46but a first-class second course.
26:48However, we were able to save some of it as a souvenir.
26:55Take.
26:56Oh!
26:58How lucky!
27:00I will always wear it to always remember him.
27:05However, madam, I have...
27:08I'm back and my mind can't help but remember the promise of a wedding.
27:14No.
27:15I'm already tired of explorers.
27:18And besides, you haven't brought me any presents, so I'll make you capital.
27:22Lady.
27:23Walter was only spared because he cried a lot on the way to the gallows.
27:27Gifts, please!
27:29Yes, ma'am.
27:31Well, yes.
27:33There was one interesting thing, ma'am.
27:35Good.
27:35An extraordinary gift from the paradise island we visited.
27:39Hurry!
27:39Ah!
27:39What is it?
27:45A stick.
27:48Is that a stick, Blackadder?
27:50Yes, ma'am, but it's a very special stick because when you throw it, it comes back on its own.
27:59Well, what a pain, because when I throw things away I never want them to come back.
28:06You, get rid of him.
28:09Yes, ma'am.
28:12What else?
28:14Uh, yeah, well, there was very little time between eating the cookie crumbs and...
28:20Metchy! What did I do with that death sentence?
28:21Here, ma'am.
28:23Ah!
28:25Edmund is wonderful.
28:27And for Mech and Wall-E, you must have brought something for them.
28:32Uh, well...
28:33The nurse has the beard, I have my stick...
28:37And for the boys...
28:38Uh, yeah, yeah.
28:42Uh, well, there was...
28:45Yes, there was one thing, ma'am.
28:49A wine from the East.
28:51A delicious drink.
28:54Ah!
28:54Try it, guys, and tell us what you think.
29:02Oh, it has a strong scent.
29:05Yes, it sounds very, very familiar to me.
29:09I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that there is an inexhaustible supply of this day.
29:15No, no, no, no, no, no.
29:45Blackadder, Blackadder, I have heard the new world call.
29:52Blackadder, Blackadder, he's coming for your own.
29:58Blackadder, Blackadder.
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