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00:24Oh, you are probably wondering what I am doing behind a tree.
00:29Well, I will tell you, but listen very carefully, because I shall say this only once.
00:34You will remember that I own a café which is being used by the resistance for riding, escaping British airmen.
00:42Well, everybody seems to know about this, except my wife's mother and the Gestapo,
00:47and up to now I've had a better relationship with the Gestapo.
00:50Now, those two men disguised as scarecrows are, in fact, British airmen.
00:56Those two onion sellers are none other than the German town commandant, Colonel von Strom, and his assistant, Captain Geary.
01:05Now, they look unhappy for two reasons.
01:10First, their new uniforms, which are being made to replace the old ones which they lent the British airmen,
01:15who, when they thought they were going to be captured by other Germans and interrogated as conspirators,
01:19set fire to them and burned them to a crisp.
01:21You are with me so far?
01:23Did not fit, and are now on their way back to London by Tiger Muth.
01:28The second reason?
01:30The uniforms are being made in London by a Jewish tailor, which is against the rules in the German.
01:37Oh, and the Gestapo are also looking for a painting of the fallen Madonna with the big, um, flump.
01:45This is also winging its way across the channel,
01:48in order that a copy can be made so that the original can become the personal property of the colonel,
01:53who is as bent as a cockscrew.
01:57What happens next?
01:59Your guess is as good as mine.
02:01Why me?
02:04What?
02:06We have much to do.
02:08The Germans may have heard the plan.
02:10We did.
02:12There's the other German troops under my command,
02:15who will shoot us if they catch us with this lot.
02:18These are the orders for our next move.
02:20From here, we go north.
02:23But if you don't mind my saying so, my cafe is south.
02:27The railway is north.
02:28But we could walk home.
02:30Why take a train?
02:31Of course, we have to blow up the railway.
02:33What?
02:34What are we going to do with these German swine?
02:38We shall have to take them with us.
02:39What use are they?
02:41If anyone is interested, I took a course in explosives.
02:46We are German officers, part of the great army that is winning the war.
02:51We do not help the resistance to blow up our supply lines.
02:56On the other hand, if General von Klinkerhofen finds out that we have lent our uniforms to
03:02the British airmen to help them escape, we will be in dead schtuck.
03:09If we help them blow up the railway, von Klinkerhofen's train will not arrive,
03:14so we won't have to meet it, so we won't have to wear our uniforms,
03:17so he won't know that we haven't got them.
03:20And if you don't cooperate, we will shoot you and add your corpses in the cups.
03:27Well, then.
03:29And you're winning a war?
03:31What's one railway?
03:34Follow me.
03:53I am here in obedience to your orders, Herr Flick.
03:57You are quite punctual.
03:59Only twelve seconds late.
04:01Come in.
04:03Stand over there.
04:04Yes, Herr Flick.
04:15We do not wish to be disturbed, do we?
04:18You don't take any chances, Herr Flick.
04:25That all depends.
04:28Go into the next chamber.
04:40You are trembling.
04:42Are you afraid of me?
04:44The streets are cold.
04:45But you're also perspiring.
04:48Your room is hot.
04:50The room is 62.5 degrees.
04:53This is not hot.
04:54I can hide nothing from you, Herr Flick.
04:56I'm trembling with uncertainty and perspiring with anticipation.
05:01This is not unusual.
05:04Take off your jacket.
05:06Yes, Herr Flick.
05:14On the bed.
05:17Your jacket.
05:24Let down your hair.
05:26Yes, Herr Flick.
05:34Anything else?
05:36Not yet.
05:39Sit down.
05:53The colonel is behaving strangely.
05:56Do you think he will find the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies?
06:02It's hard to say.
06:04The whole thing is in the air at the moment.
06:08Are you telling me the truth?
06:09I promise.
06:10I swear on my honor, you can do what you like to me.
06:13We shall come to that later.
06:31Come with me.
06:32Bring the Germans.
06:33Yvette, you come too.
06:42Stand by for a quick, get away.
06:53The rail-bell line runs in that cutting.
06:56Look, do you really need me?
06:58I have had no experience in this sort of thing.
07:01All I have ever blown up is a balloon.
07:05You will take these speds.
07:07What are these speds for?
07:09To dig an hole under the sleeper for the explosives.
07:12What?
07:12Follow me.
07:15What's going on, Fairfax?
07:17Can't be gardening at this time of night.
07:20Speaking for myself, I'm jolly frightened.
07:22Me too.
07:26Dig an hole under the sleeper.
07:28Here.
07:29Yvette, you have the explosives?
07:31I have it straight to my thigh.
07:35You are very brave, Yvette.
07:37I know.
07:38If you had dripped, that cork could have put an end to everything.
07:43I've been thinking of nothing else.
07:46There is a lot missing.
07:48Ah, yes.
07:49Well, you see, my wife gave some to my mother-in-law and quite a lot to the chickens.
07:54You fool.
07:55Can I trust you with nothing?
07:57There might not be enough to blow up the train.
07:59Oh, well, in that case, do not let us waste time.
08:02Let's go home.
08:04Wait here with the Germans.
08:05I will crash the lorry onto the line.
08:08That and the explosives will stop the train.
08:11Once you get an idea into your head, you don't let go, do you?
08:15Let's go home.
08:19I am sorry for the delay, Colonel.
08:21A little technical matter, you understand?
08:23Well, at least we can have a drink while we're waiting.
08:26No.
08:27That is not gin.
08:29What is it?
08:30It's nitroglycerine.
08:33Nitro...
08:44Hans, you fool.
08:46You've blown up the railway.
08:49Isn't that what we're here for?
08:51Get down.
08:52They're shooting at the...
08:57No, it's the guards.
08:59They're shooting at the lorry.
09:12I say, it's all good, isn't it?
09:22We surrender.
09:24We surrender.
09:25Don't shoot.
09:27You think this would be a good time to tell them we are German officers?
09:30It would have been if you hadn't just blown up the railway.
09:37Good evening.
09:40You're probably wondering what I am doing here.
09:45It is when I arrived.
09:49Oh, will nobody attend to me?
09:54Come in, Mama.
09:57What is Monsieur Leclerc doing in your bed?
10:01Well, he was sleeping in the cellar.
10:05It is very windy down there.
10:08It's not much better up here.
10:13Why have I been left alone so long?
10:18I had a headache.
10:22I was talking to my daughter.
10:26The Germans have arrested René.
10:28He's in the nick.
10:29He will be shut.
10:30Oh, I always knew it.
10:33His eyes are too close together.
10:36You should have married the butcher.
10:39He like you.
10:42Every time you pass his shop, he wave at you with his chopper.
10:49I have to think of a plan to rescue him.
10:53Monsieur Leclerc.
10:54Huh?
10:54You have been in prison many times.
10:57Can you help me?
10:58Of course, madame.
11:00I can help you.
11:01I have been in many French nicks.
11:07Always a gigolo.
11:11I am ready, madame.
11:13Lead on.
11:13I will follow.
11:22Look at it how you feel.
11:24This is a very serious situation.
11:28Colonel, surely you know somebody who could order our release.
11:31There is only one person who could order our release.
11:35Who?
11:36Me.
11:42René.
11:43Huh?
11:43If they shoot us, at least I will die by your side.
11:47If you died in front of me, I'd have a better chance.
11:52René, you do love me, don't you?
11:54Of course I love you, Yvette, of course.
11:57Oh, René.
11:59What do you think it will be like in heaven?
12:02Well, I don't suppose they'll let us do this for us, though.
12:06Only the French would have boys and girls in the same cell.
12:11Psst!
12:15Helga!
12:15How did you get up there?
12:17I am standing on a peasant.
12:21Have you come to get us out?
12:22No, but I have your uniforms back from the cleaners.
12:25Where are they?
12:27In the office, ready for you when you get out.
12:29But how do we get out?
12:32Here is a hacksaw for the bars.
12:34Ah!
12:36Even without bars, I can't get through this little window.
12:39I could.
12:40Yes, but you can't sign the orders.
12:42You're not senior enough.
12:43I could forge your signature.
12:45I have done it before.
12:47Now it's all coming out.
12:50General von...
12:52Stand still!
12:56General von Klinkhofen is arriving by car.
12:59He's most displeased.
13:00Somebody's blown up the railway.
13:02It was him.
13:04Tell him.
13:06I must go.
13:07Somebody's coming.
13:09Ah!
13:10Get me round!
13:12What?
13:13What?
13:15As you are no doubt all going to be shot,
13:18you will no doubt wish to see a priest.
13:21Come this way.
13:22If a holiday for the...
13:24The government of the highway down
13:28He took a na-na-woo-woo-wee
13:32And when the first bird pined him down
13:37He was and glazed him...
13:40Shh!
13:42It is I, LeClaire.
13:44Well, I never would have guessed.
13:47What do you want?
13:48I bring you good news.
13:50Shh!
13:51Your mother-in-law and your wife
13:53Are coming to see you.
13:55This is good news?
13:57Also,
13:58I have for you
14:01Concealed on my person
14:04An axol!
14:05We already have an axol, you silly old fool.
14:09In that case, my son,
14:12Up yours.
14:18I have given them my blessing.
14:20Let me out.
14:23Bless you.
14:25And you.
14:26And you.
14:33Kindness.
14:34Oh, and mother.
14:39You have more visitors.
14:47why are you putting me in here with these smelly presents to say goodbye to your
14:55son-in-law goodbye let us get out not now we have a plan good what is it
15:14we are up to here with Axel I am down to there with Axel but Michelle's plan now listen carefully
15:25she said this only once there are more isn't it perfect I was just thinking if the Jerry's find
15:37us dressed in civvies it'll take quite a lot of explaining if they found us in bed with each
15:43other it would take even more explaining Carstairs are you a grammar school boy how do you know
15:57wearing your socks in bed
16:05time is up time to go home mama
16:25Edith I do not wish to nitpick but why could not Yvette and I have escaped I mean what kind
16:30of a plan
16:31is it that leaves me still in the cooler it was Michelle's plan the Colonel once he's back in his
16:37office will sign the papers for your release and what if he doesn't then Michelle will tell the
16:43Gestapo that it was the Colonel who nicked the painting of the fuller Madonna with the big boobies
16:49what do you think Rene I once had a proverb about the best laid plans of mice and men this
16:57plan was
16:58definitely laid by a mouse you can say that again if it should go wrong Rene I shall be by
17:07your side
17:08and as they take a game I shall sing the Matthias and I hope they are quick on the trigger
17:19well Hans it's good to be back in the uniform
17:23we are very lucky to get out of that jail
17:26you were very convincing as Rene's 85 year old mother-in-law
17:30you were very good as my daughter
17:32I have good legs the prisoner is outside good bring him in bring him inside
17:53right you're dismissed
18:00or any my old friend take a chair
18:09make yourself comfortable
18:11you are most kind Colonel
18:13after all we are all in this together
18:16well I think some of us are in a little deeper
18:19can we not get rid of these things now
18:22not until I've signed the release form
18:24I have a pen in my pocket here
18:26really we must proceed cautiously
18:29this morning already I have signed for the release of your wife and mother-in-law
18:33and Yvette
18:34and Yvette
18:35he signed hers first
18:38shut up Hans
18:40we have to show someone to General von Klinkerhofen
18:43what happens when he has seen me
18:45we will tell him you are a very small potato
18:48and that they are going to shoot you or something
18:51or hand you over to the Gestapo
18:53and then he will go away
18:55and all will be well
18:57I expect you feel very relieved
18:59well up to a point
19:00yes
19:02show you when von Klinkerhofen is here
19:04von Klinkerhofen is here
19:05von Klinkerhofen is here
19:06what happens
19:10really my friend
19:11we may have to insult you a little
19:13call you pig and dog and that sort of thing
19:16dear Colonel feel free
19:21General von Klinkerhofen
19:23Herr Hitler
19:30Herr Hitler
19:31Klopp
19:34so
19:35this is the ringleader
19:37no the ringleader escaped
19:39this is just a poor unfortunate peasant
19:42who was dragged in against his will
19:44what he says is perfectly true
19:47I am a small potato
19:50silence you dog
19:51pig
19:56can you talk with him
20:11what are the names of the other men in the port
20:13the brother
20:13oh yeah let me think
20:15there was a
20:16he doesn't know
20:17we've been through all that
20:18pig
20:21he knows nothing
20:23I think we should release him
20:25I do not agree
20:27I think
20:28he should be executed as an example
20:33don't you think that's a little drastic
20:35Colonel
20:36quiet hyena
20:38I must remember that
20:41you will be shot at dawn
20:42of course
20:44I will supervise it personally
20:46good
20:46how does seven o'clock suit you
20:49later would be better for me
20:52great
20:52thing
20:53dog
20:53hyena
20:55frog face
21:00I shall be there to see it done
21:06Herr Hitler
21:07Herr Hitler
21:07clap
21:13he has departed
21:16Colonel
21:16if you don't get me out of this
21:18well I shall be forced to reveal
21:20how you stole the painting
21:22how you lent your uniforms to the British Airmen
21:24to help them escape
21:24and how you blew up the railway
21:26I did not blow up the railway
21:28he blew up the railway
21:30how am I getting this mess
21:32I have an idea
21:34we will give to the firing party
21:37wooden bullets
21:39how is this an improvement
21:42wooden bullets disintegrate
21:4410 foot
21:45from the muscles of the rifles
21:47I see
21:48how close do they stand
21:50not as close as that
21:52providing it is not foggy
21:56tell me
21:57what happens when they fire
21:59you fall down
22:01do you really think it is safe
22:03well
22:04we won't know for sure until you get up again
22:13I have come to see the prisoner to say my last farewell
22:17so many goodbyes
22:18you are number 6
22:20this way
22:24yet another visitor for you
22:27Maria
22:27oh Rene
22:30five minutes only
22:32Maria
22:32sorry
22:36oh
22:36little cabbage
22:38oh Rene
22:39my big pass nip
22:43oh
22:43it is so comforting to hold you in my arms again
22:46Rene Rene
22:47I have something for you
22:49I have something for you too
22:50but
22:51you go first
22:53I will never let the firing squad shoot you
22:56take this thing
22:58oh
22:59you think I can bribe them
23:01he said there is a pin
23:04take it between those strong white teeth and crush it
23:08and you will be gone
23:10this is not the kind of escape I had in mind
23:13oh but you must use it with all their spells
23:16I promise
23:17there is only one more thing I can give you
23:20oh Maria
23:23no there is no time for that
23:26what is there time for then
23:27here it is
23:28a axon
23:31ooo
23:32oh it is still warm
23:36ooo
23:36oaaa
23:38ooo
23:51ooo
23:53Let's go.
24:22I don't want to be difficult, but could you boost that just a little more slowly, please?
24:28Did you get the dummy bullets?
24:30Yes, here they are.
24:32They look exactly like the real bullets.
24:34Yes, I brought the real ones to show you.
24:36Morning, Colonel.
24:37Morning.
24:38Morning, Captain.
24:39Morning.
24:40Sad occasion.
24:41Yes, but the dog deserves it.
24:43Pig!
24:45Ah, the bullets.
24:50Oh, Hans, he's taken both boxes.
24:52What if he loads the real bullets into the rifles?
24:56Oh, dear.
24:57Do you think we should warn René?
25:00There's no point in worrying him.
25:02He has a lot on his mind.
25:08Sergeant, here are the bullets.
25:10Loads of rifles.
25:13What?
25:14What?
25:20All prepared?
25:22Everything is going according to plan.
25:24Very nearly.
25:26Can't waste time.
25:27I have to leave.
25:28Oh, it is cold.
25:32Why have you brought me here?
25:36The angels are going to take my husband away.
25:40The last time it was the beliefs.
25:51This is a very sad occasion for me, René.
25:53Yes, I feel the same way, Lieutenant.
25:57Ah, you're French.
25:58You are so brave.
26:00Your mother-in-law has not shed one single tear.
26:03This, I believe.
26:05What about my wife?
26:07She is like a rock.
26:08She says she is going to sing the Marseillaise.
26:12You wish a blindfold?
26:14Ear plugs would be better.
26:17May I shake your hand?
26:19Of course.
26:21You'll find it around the back.
26:28Can we get on with this, please?
26:31Oh, I nearly forgot.
26:40So they have something to aim at.
26:43You Germans, such sticklers for accuracy.
26:47See you.
27:00Now?
27:01No.
27:02I will give you the signal.
27:09Is that it?
27:11No.
27:12I am composing myself.
27:16Front-rack.
27:17In!
27:20Present your rifles.
27:27One, two, three, four.
27:31One, two, three, four.
28:05It is over.
28:09Good.
28:11Let that be a lesson to you.
28:13The relatives may remove the body.
28:16Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!
28:19The next got me to my car.
28:28Do you think he is all right?
28:30If he is, it will be drinks on the house.
28:34If not, we found another cafe.
28:51He is still alive. He is trying to speak.
28:56Dear Henry.
28:58Are you impaired?
29:00Keep quiet.
29:01These may be his last breath words.
29:04Listen carefully.
29:06I shall say this only once.
29:12My bum is on a thistle.
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