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00:00:00Tonight, the new Porsche Cayman on our track.
00:00:14The Ferrari, the Ferrari at the limit in Italy, Italy.
00:00:18And an old Peugeot goes past some goats.
00:00:21Hello. Hello, good evening. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you.
00:00:34Thanks very much, everyone.
00:00:36Now, every few years, Chevrolet introduces a new Corvette,
00:00:42and they always say, this is the best sports car in America.
00:00:46And you go, yes, in the same way that I'm the best dress presenter on Top Gear.
00:00:52Which, actually, as you'll see later on, I am.
00:00:55Anyway, the truth is, no Corvette has ever been a match
00:00:59for the best that Europe can do.
00:01:01And it looks like it's much the same story with this, the latest model.
00:01:06But is it?
00:01:08Well, Richard Hammond has been finding out.
00:01:16To me, Corvettes have always looked great.
00:01:24And for this one, the seventh generation,
00:01:28they really have pulled out all their stops.
00:01:34Oh, yeah.
00:01:38Oh, no.
00:01:41It gets worse.
00:01:42They've even brought back the Stingray badge
00:01:45from the classic Corvettes of the 60s.
00:01:48I'd say that was job done.
00:01:51Except it isn't.
00:01:53Because there's more.
00:01:58We have a 6.2-litre V8, 460 horsepower,
00:02:01and the same number in torque,
00:02:03which means in any gear, at any speed,
00:02:06you put your foot down...
00:02:08and stuff happens.
00:02:10There's the noise!
00:02:22There's the shove in the back!
00:02:250-60 is all over in less than 4 seconds.
00:02:29Top speed, 190.
00:02:34Why did the Oaf and the Vore not get what's going on here?
00:02:38I mean, James May likes a car that makes his fizzy bit fizz.
00:02:42This'll put a SodaStream in his grunt.
00:02:44The Vette costs £65,000,
00:02:51which might sound like a lot
00:02:53until you compare it to its rivals from this side of the pond.
00:02:57To get a Jaguar F-Type V8, you'll need another £20,000.
00:03:03An Audi R8 V8, another £30,000.
00:03:06A 911 V8, you can't.
00:03:09There's no such thing.
00:03:10But to get close to the same power in a 911,
00:03:13you'll need another £25,000.
00:03:15In fact, if you're looking for a European sports car
00:03:18for the same money,
00:03:20you're looking at this.
00:03:21It's the latest version of the 911's baby brother.
00:03:30The Porsche Cayman GTS.
00:03:33But here's the thing.
00:03:41Even though the Cayman costs about the same as the Corvette,
00:03:44when it comes to power difference,
00:03:46the gulf between them is wide enough to swallow a supertanker.
00:03:50An American supertanker.
00:03:52This has 336 brake horsepower compared to the Corvette's 460.
00:03:57And this has 185 fewer torts.
00:04:00All of which means it's absolutely pointless having a drag race.
00:04:08We're going to do it anyway,
00:04:10because we are intelligent and thorough.
00:04:133, 2, 1, go!
00:04:24And there we are.
00:04:25As I said, absolutely pointless.
00:04:30But here's the thing.
00:04:33In its own right,
00:04:34the Cayman GTS is a small but magnificent little thing.
00:04:42Pitch perfect engineering.
00:04:45Total precision.
00:04:47It just feels light, nimble, compact.
00:04:54All those words, balance, poise, predictability, tractability,
00:04:59all those good, lovely, yummy things, it's got them all.
00:05:02The perfect example of exactly what a European sports car should be.
00:05:12It's a crushing demonstration of what's possible,
00:05:16what good engineering should be,
00:05:18and why Europe, not America,
00:05:21has always been where you turn for proper sports cars.
00:05:24So here we are,
00:05:27at that point in the test where traditionally I'd say,
00:05:31the Corvette looks brilliant,
00:05:33it's great value, lots of fun,
00:05:34but...
00:05:35And then I'll do a deep sigh.
00:05:38Sadly, in the company of the Porsche,
00:05:40the Corvette simply can't hack it.
00:05:43Then we play some sad music,
00:05:44and I'd say, back to the studio.
00:05:46But no, this time we're not going back to the studio.
00:05:52We're going back to the Corvette.
00:05:55Because this is no longer some hillbilly hot rod.
00:05:59It's got suspension made of carbon fibre.
00:06:02It has seat frames crafted from ultralight magnesium.
00:06:07It has different driving modes,
00:06:09like you get in a Ferrari.
00:06:11And that big, shouty V8
00:06:13can shut down half its cylinders
00:06:15to make it more economical.
00:06:20Previous Corvette underbodies
00:06:21were really not very far from that.
00:06:27But this is an all-new high-tech bonded aluminium affair
00:06:30that manages to be lighter and stiffer.
00:06:34Best of all is that it was developed
00:06:35at the Nürburgring, not Nashville.
00:06:38This means that the cornering is...
00:06:41Well, it's a bit of an event.
00:06:45All this power, all this bigness,
00:06:54but it's still essentially tameable.
00:06:59Remember when you had a pet elephant as a kid?
00:07:01It's like that.
00:07:02It is sweet home Alabama.
00:07:07It's cowgirls in denim shorts.
00:07:15Yes!
00:07:15It's everything I wanted it to be!
00:07:18But what it is more
00:07:20is a match for the Europeans.
00:07:22Let's be quite clear here,
00:07:25it's not like the Corvette has lost
00:07:27all of its redneck charm.
00:07:30If the Porsche is a laboratory full of laser beams,
00:07:32this is a World West saloon.
00:07:38But you don't have to apologise for it.
00:07:41You don't have to say,
00:07:41well, at least it's cheap
00:07:43or it's the best they can do.
00:07:45It simply is good.
00:07:48In fact,
00:07:49it's the best sports car
00:07:50ever to come out of America.
00:07:53And for once,
00:07:54you can't follow that up with a joke.
00:07:56That's a good part.
00:08:07That is annoying.
00:08:09That is annoying because
00:08:11for the second time this series,
00:08:14I agree with you.
00:08:15Actually,
00:08:15the second time in my life,
00:08:16I agree with you.
00:08:17What?
00:08:18You're not going to call me
00:08:18Billy Bob Hammond?
00:08:20No,
00:08:20and nor am I going to mention that jacket.
00:08:22No.
00:08:23No, I know.
00:08:23I know you want me to,
00:08:24but I'm not going to.
00:08:25You know what?
00:08:25What I'm actually going to do
00:08:26is ask you this.
00:08:27Which one of these two
00:08:28would you have?
00:08:30Yeah,
00:08:30you see,
00:08:31that's actually really difficult
00:08:33because they are both epic to drive.
00:08:35They are.
00:08:35You can't argue with that.
00:08:36But,
00:08:37I don't know,
00:08:38I don't think the Porsche
00:08:39looks very good.
00:08:40It looks dowdy.
00:08:41It does,
00:08:42so I'd have the Corvette.
00:08:43The trouble is with the Corvette,
00:08:44though,
00:08:44is you don't have to apologise for it,
00:08:46as you said,
00:08:47but you would have to explain it.
00:08:48You'd have to go around saying,
00:08:50oh,
00:08:50it's got magnesium seats
00:08:51and carbon fibre suspension,
00:08:52or everyone would just think
00:08:53you were a dreadful show-off.
00:08:55Yeah,
00:08:56it would be like taking a lap dancer home
00:08:58to meet your mother.
00:08:59You'd have to say,
00:09:00no,
00:09:00she's got A-levels.
00:09:02You're absolutely right.
00:09:04So what we've got here
00:09:05is a choice between
00:09:06a slightly dirty librarian
00:09:08and a clever lap dancer.
00:09:11Yeah,
00:09:11yeah.
00:09:12So let's see which is the fastest
00:09:14round our track.
00:09:15Of course,
00:09:15that means handing them over
00:09:17to our tame racing driver.
00:09:20Some say
00:09:21that his favourite flower
00:09:22is the potato.
00:09:23And that even though he's now seen
00:09:26Fifty Shades of Grey,
00:09:28he still thinks BDSM
00:09:30is a driving school.
00:09:33What we know is,
00:09:34he's called the Stig!
00:09:35And they're off.
00:09:38Two confident starts there.
00:09:40The Porsche is mid-engine.
00:09:41The Corvette has a transaxle.
00:09:43Both clearly have good traction
00:09:44off the line.
00:09:46It's the scalpel
00:09:47versus the hammer
00:09:47flying through the first corner.
00:09:51And,
00:09:51wow,
00:09:52it's the Porsche
00:09:52that's sliding.
00:09:53It seems to be reversing round
00:10:01in the Corvette.
00:10:03Right through Chicago.
00:10:05Again,
00:10:05it's the Cayman
00:10:06that's kicking its tail out.
00:10:07Shock and all.
00:10:08Chevy completely
00:10:09under control.
00:10:11This is a real test,
00:10:12of course.
00:10:12Hammerhead.
00:10:14Yup.
00:10:14Corvette gets a bit of a slide
00:10:16on as the Stig unleashes
00:10:17a 460 horsepower drift.
00:10:20Right,
00:10:24follow through.
00:10:25Porsche needs
00:10:26some corrective lock
00:10:27on the way in.
00:10:28That's a surprise.
00:10:30Okay,
00:10:31now we're coming up.
00:10:32Just two corners left.
00:10:34Breaking hard.
00:10:36No dramas
00:10:36from either side
00:10:37of the Atlantic.
00:10:38Into Gambon.
00:10:40Yes,
00:10:40the Cayman sliding again.
00:10:42And it crossed the line.
00:10:45Right.
00:10:46Yeah.
00:10:47I have the times here.
00:10:50The Pantyless Porsche
00:10:52librarian,
00:10:531.21.6.
00:10:55So,
00:10:56not bad.
00:10:56Same as an Audi R8 V10.
00:10:58Yeah?
00:10:58Yeah.
00:10:59But,
00:11:00the clever lap dancer,
00:11:031.19.8.
00:11:05No way.
00:11:06Look at that.
00:11:06Same as a Porsche Carrera GT.
00:11:08That is a seriously fast car.
00:11:11There's been a disturbance
00:11:12in the force.
00:11:12That's something weird.
00:11:14Anyway,
00:11:15the news.
00:11:16And we start with this.
00:11:18The new Ford Focus RS.
00:11:20That has 320 horsepower
00:11:22from a 2.3 litre
00:11:23turbocharged engine
00:11:25and,
00:11:26most important this,
00:11:27four-wheel drive.
00:11:28You know what this is,
00:11:29don't you?
00:11:30Mm-mm.
00:11:30This is the return
00:11:32of the Escort Cosworth.
00:11:33Yeah.
00:11:34Happy days.
00:11:35It is.
00:11:36I'm excited,
00:11:36but it won't be as good
00:11:37as a Fiesta ST.
00:11:39Well,
00:11:39it will.
00:11:40No,
00:11:40it won't.
00:11:40It will.
00:11:41Yes,
00:11:41220 horsepower.
00:11:43I know,
00:11:43but it's about
00:11:44purity of experience
00:11:45in a hot hatch.
00:11:46That comes,
00:11:47apparently,
00:11:48according to one source
00:11:49in America,
00:11:50with a drift button.
00:11:51A what?
00:11:51Drift button.
00:11:52Push that,
00:11:53even he'll be able to drift.
00:11:54Well,
00:11:55you push that
00:11:55and it just drifts.
00:11:56Yes.
00:11:57I don't want to drift.
00:11:58Yes, you do.
00:11:58I do.
00:11:59Drifting is for the unintelligent.
00:12:01It's a mating ritual.
00:12:04Girls love it.
00:12:05Yeah, it's right.
00:12:06No, it is.
00:12:06It's like having
00:12:08a massive tail.
00:12:14It's just me.
00:12:15In Ross on Y.
00:12:18Oh, now,
00:12:20you know Apple,
00:12:21makers of computers
00:12:21and telephones,
00:12:23apparently they're
00:12:24working on a car.
00:12:25Really?
00:12:25Yes.
00:12:26Does it come with
00:12:26predictive steering?
00:12:28That's never going to work,
00:12:30is it?
00:12:30No,
00:12:30I'm not sure that it will work,
00:12:31because every time you get in it,
00:12:32it'll say,
00:12:33what's your iTunes password?
00:12:35And then it'll make you have one,
00:12:36but you can't remember.
00:12:38And then it'll go wrong
00:12:40and you'll ring them up
00:12:40and they'll say,
00:12:41oh, that's your fault,
00:12:41you're holding it wrong.
00:12:43And then one day,
00:12:44it'll send a picture
00:12:45of your bosoms
00:12:46to the internet.
00:12:48You'd be right about
00:12:49the passwords,
00:12:50because Apple iTunes
00:12:52the other day said to me,
00:12:53you must change your password,
00:12:54it's far too easy to guess.
00:12:55And I thought,
00:12:56how's anybody ever going to guess
00:12:57it's carrot 29?
00:12:58I mean, that's...
00:12:59Now, I tell you what,
00:13:02there's a general election
00:13:03coming up,
00:13:03you may have heard.
00:13:04Is there?
00:13:04Yes, there is,
00:13:05even in Wales.
00:13:07And, um...
00:13:08And a lot of people said,
00:13:10oh, can't be bothered
00:13:11to get involved
00:13:11and all politicians
00:13:12are the same
00:13:13and all the parties
00:13:13are the same.
00:13:14So we thought,
00:13:15wonder if we could decide
00:13:16who to vote for
00:13:17on what the leaders drive.
00:13:19Great idea.
00:13:19Very good idea.
00:13:20It is.
00:13:20So I've managed
00:13:21to find it out.
00:13:22It's not been easy,
00:13:23but we've done it.
00:13:23Now, David Cameron,
00:13:24who runs the Conservative Party,
00:13:25OK,
00:13:26he, well,
00:13:26he doesn't actually have a car,
00:13:28but the family car
00:13:28is a Honda CRV,
00:13:30OK?
00:13:31Nick Clegg
00:13:32has a Ford Galaxy.
00:13:34Oh, dear.
00:13:35Shocking car for us.
00:13:37Ed Miliband
00:13:38has a Lamborghini Aventador.
00:13:40Does it?
00:13:43He's lying.
00:13:44He's got a turquoise green
00:13:46Ford Focus.
00:13:47Oh.
00:13:47Nigel Farage,
00:13:48guess what he drives?
00:13:49A Jag.
00:13:50Yeah, it will be.
00:13:51Anybody else?
00:13:52A Jag.
00:13:53Anybody want a hazard
00:13:53a guess what Nigel Farage
00:13:55drives?
00:13:56A what?
00:13:57A Bentley could be?
00:13:59M3.
00:14:00M3?
00:14:01You are aware of you,
00:14:03Kip, are you?
00:14:03And they're like...
00:14:04Nigel Farage
00:14:07drives
00:14:07a Volvo V70.
00:14:09Does he?
00:14:10He drives an immigrant.
00:14:13What?
00:14:15Nicola Sturgeon.
00:14:16Who?
00:14:17Nicola Sturgeon.
00:14:20SNP.
00:14:21Scottish.
00:14:21Oh, that Nicola Sturgeon.
00:14:22Yes, I'm with that Nicola Sturgeon.
00:14:24Yeah, what about her?
00:14:25May, have a go.
00:14:25Oh, I know.
00:14:25Er, er...
00:14:27A McLaren.
00:14:31Hang on, dude.
00:14:33No.
00:14:38Nicola Sturgeon.
00:14:39Doesn't drive.
00:14:40What, in Scotland?
00:14:41Oh, no, I don't understand.
00:14:42How do you get around in Scotland
00:14:43if you haven't got a car?
00:14:43No idea.
00:14:44Anyway, she doesn't.
00:14:45Leanne Wood.
00:14:46That's your lot.
00:14:47Wells.
00:14:47Played.
00:14:48Culling Roo.
00:14:49Er, an ox.
00:14:53Volkswagen percent.
00:14:54Oh, God, I hate the Passat.
00:14:57Natalie Ballett from the Green Party.
00:14:59Oh.
00:15:00Lamborghini LM002.
00:15:02You've got to get a picture of one of those, I think.
00:15:04Someone?
00:15:04Yes, there it is.
00:15:05Yeah, that's the one.
00:15:05You think that the Green Party boss drives that?
00:15:08Yeah, does she?
00:15:08You're absolutely right.
00:15:10Am I?
00:15:10Yes, she doesn't.
00:15:11Oh.
00:15:11No, she doesn't have one of those, weirdly.
00:15:13She doesn't own a car, but she is a member of a car club.
00:15:17Is it the Dodge Charger Owners Club?
00:15:18Weirdly, James, it isn't.
00:15:21Do they do track days?
00:15:23The thing is, right, all these leaders, every single one of them has a rubbish car.
00:15:29Every single one.
00:15:30Yeah.
00:15:30And I know why.
00:15:32It's because they all want to be seen as a man or a woman of the people.
00:15:35Yes, I suspect it is.
00:15:36Yeah, but you can be seen as a man or a woman of the people, but still drive an interesting car.
00:15:42Yeah, you could have a Fiesta ST.
00:15:43That's a nice car.
00:15:44Would we vote for somebody who had a Ford Fiesta ST?
00:15:47I would.
00:15:48Immediately.
00:15:48I would, immediately.
00:15:50What?
00:15:50No.
00:15:51You wouldn't?
00:15:51Why not?
00:15:52What would you vote for?
00:15:53Someone who's interested in the NHS?
00:15:58No, somebody who's interested in Formula One.
00:16:00You'd vote for someone, irrespective of policies, if they were interested in Formula One?
00:16:04Yes.
00:16:04This, are you watching this, Mr. Cameron and Miliband and Clegg?
00:16:08This is what's going to win a massive audience.
00:16:11Who here would vote for someone who is interested in Formula One?
00:16:15Yeah.
00:16:17There you go.
00:16:17100% of the British people want you to be interested in Formula One.
00:16:22Now, I came down here this morning in a Volkswagen Golf GTI.
00:16:28It's what I'm using this week.
00:16:30Absolutely fabulous car.
00:16:31Yeah, very good.
00:16:32Not as good as the Fiesta ST, but it is good.
00:16:34It is.
00:16:34Yeah, it is.
00:16:35Except for one thing, it's got a really annoying thing on it.
00:16:38Has anyone got a Golf at the moment with its eco-tips?
00:16:40You get the...
00:16:41How annoying are they?
00:16:43You drive it along and every now and again, it'll just flash up a little message on the dashboard.
00:16:47It goes, why not wind you endo up?
00:16:49Be more arrogant.
00:16:49Because I want to get some fresh air.
00:16:52Why not change up a gear?
00:16:54It'll be more...
00:16:54Why not?
00:16:56Why not shut up is what you just want to say to her all the time.
00:16:59It drives you up.
00:17:00I'm going to go mad with it.
00:17:01If I worked at VW in their software department thing, I'd put some messages in there, but
00:17:08with a time thing so that it didn't appear until, well, after I'd retired, really.
00:17:12And you'd be driving along and it would say, wind the window up.
00:17:14Why not slow down a bit?
00:17:14Why not change up?
00:17:15Then it would suddenly just say, why don't you go and boil your head?
00:17:18But it would only say it once.
00:17:21So you wouldn't be sure if you'd actually seen it.
00:17:24And then another time, you'd be driving along, you know, it might be three years later, you'd
00:17:27be driving along and it would say, wind your window up, change gear.
00:17:29Then it would suddenly go, you've wasted your life.
00:17:32But you'd only see that once, you see.
00:17:34That would really freak drivers out.
00:17:38So you could suddenly just say, your wife's had an affair with the bloke next door.
00:17:41And you'd go to the door.
00:17:43It said that.
00:17:44And he'd say, no, it didn't.
00:17:45You can't say that.
00:17:45It didn't.
00:17:45It could, it don't.
00:17:46But the thing is, though, it would take Volkswagen a long time to work out.
00:17:51Then they would have to call you up and say, Mr. Mays, step into my office.
00:17:55Ah, but I've retired.
00:17:56I'm dribbling in an old folks home laughing at people who bought VW Golds.
00:18:00Now, I have one more piece of, I think, ladies and gentlemen, you're going to enjoy this.
00:18:06The mayor of Bristol, okay, he announced fairly recently that he was going to allocate 2.3 million
00:18:13pounds of public money, which will be spent on 13,000 signs saying that there'll be a 20-mile-an-hour speed limit across the whole of Bristol.
00:18:22This is the mayor.
00:18:24He's just been caught speeding.
00:18:25I think we should all take a moment to compose our faces appropriately.
00:18:32I'm going to go for serious and disapprove.
00:18:34Oh, no, how did...
00:18:38Oh, he actually said afterwards, he commends Avon and Somerset police for being so vigilant and catching it.
00:18:45I bet he didn't say that when the letter came through the post, Bob.
00:18:48Right, let's move on.
00:18:50Now, last year, McLaren gave us the astonishing P1, and Porsche gave us the equally fantastic 918.
00:18:58But we've always known that there is another hybrid supercar coming.
00:19:03Well, it's not coming anymore.
00:19:06It's here, it's the one you've all been waiting for, and I have been driving it.
00:19:11The Ferrari, the Ferrari.
00:19:13McLaren and Porsche may believe they've created good-looking cars in the P1 and the 918.
00:19:34But I think they need to get their pencil cases out again.
00:19:38Because this is what a supercar should look like.
00:19:43And this is what a supercar should sound like.
00:20:01No miserable V8s or puny little turbochargers.
00:20:14That is Ferrari's greatest hit.
00:20:19The sound of 12 cylinders properly arranged in a V.
00:20:25Molto grazia.
00:20:26And then there's the price.
00:20:35La Ferrari has the other two licked there as well.
00:20:40The Porsche 918, £646,000.
00:20:44The McLaren P1, £866,000.
00:20:48The La Ferrari...
00:20:49A million pounds!
00:20:53That's a proper price.
00:20:55No muck in the bags.
00:20:58And there's more.
00:21:00Pinky and Perky have been at great pains to explain just how clever the McLaren and the Porsche are.
00:21:07Well, this is also very clever.
00:21:10It's built from not one but four different types of carbon fibre to keep it as light as possible.
00:21:23In fact, it's lighter than the Porsche or the McLaren.
00:21:26The driver's seat is fixed, and instead it's the wheel and pedals that move.
00:21:32This means you don't need a seat mechanism, which means the driver can sit lower.
00:21:38The roof can be lower, and that drops the centre of gravity.
00:21:43To the benefit of cornering.
00:21:45Then, we come to the engine.
00:21:51Like the McLaren and the Porsche, La Ferrari is a hybrid.
00:21:55It has a petrol engine and an electric motor to drive the wheels.
00:22:00But, whereas the other two can be driven on electric power alone, like a Toyota Prius, the Ferrari can't.
00:22:06Because, Ferrari say, we are not interested in electric cars.
00:22:11Instead, the battery and electric motor combination works a bit like the kinetic energy recovery system in an F1 car.
00:22:21In very simple terms, it captures energy that's normally wasted, during braking for example, and keeps it for when you need it.
00:22:29The electric motor, the petrol engine, they're all working together, all of the time.
00:22:43You cannot separate.
00:22:46This is simply a 950 horsepower supercar.
00:22:51But, despite the racing technology, you don't find yourself in a world of austere track car misery.
00:23:03You've got the sat-nav, the air conditioning.
00:23:08It's perfectly comfortable.
00:23:10Actually, it's very civilised.
00:23:13However, this is also supposed to be the fastest and most exciting road car Ferrari has ever made.
00:23:25And to find out how exciting, we must come here.
00:23:30Ferrari's Fiorano test track.
00:23:34To prancing horse fans, this is the sacred tarmac where the company's greatest F1 cars were born.
00:23:41But, when I rolled up, sacred wasn't the word that came to mind.
00:23:53Oh, cock.
00:23:56After two hours of dithering on the start line...
00:23:59Pedals a little bit further away.
00:24:03No, that's too far away. Hang on.
00:24:06The track was finally dry enough for me to have a go.
00:24:11Red, red, red.
00:24:26God's holy trousers!
00:24:37Street the mooring in the first bed.
00:24:39Lots of brakes.
00:24:46That, ladies and gentlemen, is 950 horsepower for you.
00:24:51And while we're at it, 950 horsepower is a slam-dunk top trump over the other two.
00:24:58And so is the top speed, 218 miles per hour.
00:25:02But it's not just the amount of horsepower that's impressive, it's the way it's served up.
00:25:10Even if you're a bit clumsy or a bit timid, as I am being on this one, you've still got that enormous grunt.
00:25:17It just hits you like a runaway train.
00:25:20On top of that, Ferrari has remembered that not everyone who will drive this car will be called Sebastian or Vettel.
00:25:33Because LaFerrari will go quite a lot faster than you can think, Ferrari do quite a lot of thinking for you.
00:25:45It has, for example, a very, very sophisticated traction control system based on Formula One tech.
00:25:50And you can leave it turned on.
00:25:52Why not?
00:25:54Stops you crashing.
00:25:57LaFerrari also bristles with active aerodynamics.
00:26:01Now, that's not new on a supercar, but this system is controlled by 21 computers.
00:26:06Which means, according to the Ferrari eggheads, even I should be able to take Fiorano's notorious Turn 7 flat out.
00:26:19Back to aerodynamics, here we go.
00:26:22Don't bottle it, don't bottle it.
00:26:29It works!
00:26:30Look at that!
00:26:31The faster you go, the better it works!
00:26:39I mean, like Jennifer's McLaren, it is pure rear-wheel drive, and that's quite intimidating, but it's not a widow-maker.
00:26:53Oh, my God!
00:26:57Oh, yes!
00:27:01Oh, my God!
00:27:02Oh, my God!
00:27:03Oh, my God!
00:27:04Oh, my God!
00:27:05Oh, my God!
00:27:06Well, let's just slow this down a bit.
00:27:08Richard Hammond, he says the Porsche 918, that's the one that takes the hybrid supercar the furthest.
00:27:14It's the most responsible, if you like.
00:27:16Jeremy likes the P1 because he says it takes an idea that was essentially an environmental one,
00:27:21and uses it to make the supercar more dramatic.
00:27:24In this respect, the Ferrari is more like the McLaren.
00:27:32Except for two things.
00:27:34Well, that Ferrari looks better.
00:27:37Well, I reckon it is better.
00:27:41This is the greatest car in the world.
00:27:43The largest car in the world.
00:27:44Oh, my God.
00:28:05Now, here we are. Here we are.
00:28:10Now, you may remember,
00:28:12last year, after Hammond had driven the Porsche,
00:28:14I said to him that if it turned out to be faster
00:28:18around our track than the McLaren,
00:28:20I would change my name by deed poll to Jennifer.
00:28:23You remember that?
00:28:24Oh, yeah. You said that.
00:28:26And now we have James May telling us,
00:28:28rather bumptiously, I think,
00:28:30because he hasn't driven the McLaren or the Porsche,
00:28:33that the Ferrari is best.
00:28:35So, who here would like to see
00:28:38which of these cars is the fastest around our track?
00:28:41Yes!
00:28:43Yes!
00:28:44So would we.
00:28:45Yeah.
00:28:46So would Porsche.
00:28:47But we have a problem.
00:28:48McLaren has said that we can't do the test at our track.
00:28:53What?
00:28:54Well, hang on.
00:28:55Our track is also McLaren's track.
00:28:57That's where they develop stuff.
00:28:59Yes, I know.
00:29:00And because I know that,
00:29:01I also know that they know that the twiddly bits at the hammerhead and so on
00:29:06will favour the four-wheel drive system of the Porsche.
00:29:09All right.
00:29:10We'll do it at a different track.
00:29:11Well, that brings us on to the second problem.
00:29:13Ferrari has spent the last six months saying,
00:29:16no, we don't want to do it at all.
00:29:18Because we're not interested in speed or 0-60 or lap time.
00:29:21Really?
00:29:22Yeah, that's what they've been saying.
00:29:23But, I kid you not, they have.
00:29:25But in the last couple of weeks or so, they've started to soften and say,
00:29:28well, maybe we can lend you a car.
00:29:31Well, there you go then, game on.
00:29:33No.
00:29:34See, there's another problem.
00:29:35McLaren is saying they will only do this if all of the cars are customer cars.
00:29:39They're production cars that have been sold.
00:29:41Yes?
00:29:42They don't want them turning up with sticky tyres and 17 turbos on them.
00:29:45Okay.
00:29:46Ferrari is saying they'll only do it if the cars do come direct from the factory.
00:29:51Well, all right then.
00:29:52We'll find someone who has a Ferrari, a Ferrari, and borrow it.
00:29:55But I know someone who has one.
00:29:56So do I, James.
00:29:58They've covered us on that one, I'm afraid.
00:30:00Ferrari has actually said to us that if any Ferrari owner lends a Ferrari a Ferrari,
00:30:06they will make sure that person can never ever buy a limited edition Ferrari ever again.
00:30:11They said that?
00:30:12I've never heard.
00:30:13I kid you not.
00:30:14I kid you not.
00:30:15I've never heard anything like this.
00:30:16Pony club mothers have got nothing on the people who make these cars.
00:30:21Nothing.
00:30:22It doesn't make any sense.
00:30:23If I'd built any of these cars, any of them,
00:30:26the first thing I'd want to do is say how fast they were compared to the others.
00:30:29What they're for?
00:30:30Honestly, if I were a teacher and I had McLaren and Ferrari in my class, I would box their ears.
00:30:35So go and see the headmaster and come back when you've grown up.
00:30:39Look.
00:30:40What?
00:30:41They are here.
00:30:42Track's there.
00:30:43Let's just do it.
00:30:44Yes, James.
00:30:45They're here and they're locked and those two security guards have been provided to make sure we don't just take them out on the track after the show.
00:30:50You're kidding.
00:30:51I am not kidding.
00:30:52Seriously, this is it.
00:30:53It ends here.
00:30:54It's not going to happen.
00:30:55No, no, no, no.
00:30:56We're not giving up.
00:30:57We've actually heard this week of a man in the Middle East who owns one of each of these cars and he may be willing to lend them to us.
00:31:03Well, there you go.
00:31:04Give him a call.
00:31:05He's called Bin Laden.
00:31:06I'm not kidding, he is.
00:31:09What, as in Bin Laden?
00:31:11No, he's dead.
00:31:12It was definitely on the news.
00:31:13I saw that.
00:31:14He's a cousin of that one.
00:31:16Well, you can't judge a man by his cousin.
00:31:18You're absolutely right, Hammond.
00:31:20You can't.
00:31:21But things go wrong on top here, yes?
00:31:23All the time.
00:31:24Yeah.
00:31:25Do you want to make the call?
00:31:26Hello, Mr Bin Laden.
00:31:27I've just crashed your Porsche into your Ferrari.
00:31:29I don't want to make that call.
00:31:30You're right, no.
00:31:31So here we are.
00:31:32We haven't done it, but we're not going to give up, okay?
00:31:35In fact, what we're hoping, and I hope you all hope the same thing, is that on Monday morning, we get a call from Ferrari and from McLaren saying,
00:31:42you know what?
00:31:43Let's do this thing.
00:31:44You want to hear that?
00:31:45Yes.
00:31:46Let's just do this thing.
00:31:47It must happen.
00:31:48Come on.
00:31:55Anyway, it is now time to move on and put a start in our reasonably priced car.
00:32:01In fact, all week, we've had people ringing me up saying, how on earth are you going to top Will Smith from last week, star of I Am Legend and Hancock and so on.
00:32:10Well, that is easy, because tonight, we have as my guest, the runner-up in the 2009 X Factor competition.
00:32:18Ladies and gentlemen, Oliver's!
00:32:19Cheers!
00:32:20Cheers!
00:32:21Cheers!
00:32:22Cheers!
00:32:23Cheers!
00:32:24Jerry!
00:32:25Good to see you.
00:32:26How are you?
00:32:27Very well.
00:32:28Hello!
00:32:29Good day.
00:32:30Good to see you.
00:32:31Ah!
00:32:32Have a seat.
00:32:33It's a pleasure.
00:32:34Wow.
00:32:35Now, I know that was a slightly mean introduction, but actually being a runner-up in X Factor is better than winning it.
00:32:42Oh, I...
00:32:43Yeah, I suppose it is.
00:32:44But, um, obviously, I wanted to in the show.
00:32:46I missed the competitive, so...
00:32:47Well, you know, but if you win X Factor, what, you end up back in home base in a week?
00:32:52Or on a cruise liner?
00:32:54Yeah, but I think it's lucky, no matter where you finish on the show, you know, you don't know where you're going to finish.
00:32:58I mean, I thought after about a year or two, I'd probably be, you know, in a call centre again, so...
00:33:02Because it is, I'm just thinking, One Direction came second.
00:33:05Yep, J...
00:33:06No, JLS.
00:33:07JLS came second.
00:33:08Oh, no, One Direction finished third.
00:33:09JLS finished second.
00:33:10Well, I'd be standing there at the end, judging on the facts and figures, go,
00:33:13please don't let me win, please don't let me win.
00:33:15Because then I'll be successful like you, because you...
00:33:18Oh, cheers, thank you.
00:33:19How successful?
00:33:20How many albums have you sold now?
00:33:22Er, um...
00:33:2310 million?
00:33:24No, it's 10 million in total, but...
00:33:25Well, that's a lot.
00:33:26...in for singles and everything, but I think the album's about 3 million, I think.
00:33:29That's a lot of albums these days.
00:33:31Well, I'm delighted, yeah, I mean, it's not really an album market, so...
00:33:35No, I'm delighted that everyone's been buying my album, so thank you.
00:33:38And what did you do, then, before singing to Simon Cowell?
00:33:41I was just working in the course, and I was giving people advice on how to save money on their energy bills, so...
00:33:46So you were living in Bombay?
00:33:48No, no, no, this was just in Whittam and Essex.
00:33:53You were an Essex boy?
00:33:54Essex boy, yeah.
00:33:55Oh, yeah, good by the Essex figures.
00:33:56Oh, yeah, good by the Essex figures.
00:33:57And not just an Essex boy, but we are talking about a major petrol there, do we not?
00:34:00100%, yeah, I love my cars.
00:34:02I'd say that before I was famous and got into this, you know, I didn't have the most glamorous car.
00:34:08What was your first car?
00:34:09My first car was a Fiat Chiquento.
00:34:14I think it's Cinquecento.
00:34:16Cinquecento.
00:34:17Which, of course, was made famous by the Inbetweeners.
00:34:19Exactly, there it is.
00:34:20There it is.
00:34:21That's right, that's still at my house.
00:34:22Is that actually yours?
00:34:23It's still mine, yeah, absolutely.
00:34:24Oh, wow.
00:34:25You know what, though?
00:34:26I spent more money.
00:34:27That car cost me 895 quid.
00:34:30And I spent, I think, 950 quid on the sound system for it.
00:34:37Fucking fall around Essex.
00:34:38Oh, so, there we were boys.
00:34:41I'm presuming, as well, if you'd run X Factor and you got that, there would have been quite a few trouser-related incidents.
00:34:46Oh, God, yeah.
00:34:47Well, the one...
00:34:48Oh, God.
00:34:51My fans will tell you, I'm always ripping me trousers.
00:34:53No, I was at work one day in the recruitment.
00:34:55I was actually working in recruitment then.
00:34:56And, um, I was just lifting some boxes.
00:34:58About 10 o'clock in the day, I'll move down, I'll lift the boxes, and I've ripped all the back end of me trousers out.
00:35:03And I want to go home.
00:35:04So, I got in my car, and I've jumped out of the car park.
00:35:07I've just turned around the corner, got up towards the traffic lights, and I've just gone to put my seatbelt on.
00:35:12And then, all of a sudden, the police car has just come around the corner, seeing me do that.
00:35:15And pulled, and gone in behind me, and I'm like, oh, s***.
00:35:19So, then I drove to Tesco's car park, pulled over, then got out, and obviously I'm stood there in the middle of Tesco's car park at lunchtime.
00:35:26We put me bit-zagged out.
00:35:28It was so embarrassing.
00:35:30They gave me, I think they gave me 60 quid fine or something.
00:35:32Oh, you got a 60 quid fine for having your...
00:35:34No, no.
00:35:36And probably, they probably could have got me done for that.
00:35:38Oh, the seatbelts.
00:35:39Just for the seatbelts.
00:35:40Well, who here would like to see Ollie's lap?
00:35:43Yeah!
00:35:44All right, play the tape.
00:35:52Oh!
00:35:53I was just...
00:35:55Oh, that is...
00:35:57Sorry, mate.
00:35:59That was a gift.
00:36:01Have a seatbelt have a lap.
00:36:02Sure.
00:36:03A lap.
00:36:04I didn't have time to prepare myself then.
00:36:06I actually thought that was the lap, so I was like...
00:36:08Yeah, no, no, that was...
00:36:09Well, it was your lap, but not the lap we're talking about.
00:36:12Presumably, now that the Fiat is parked up somewhere...
00:36:16Yeah.
00:36:17You've gone on, as a car enthusiast, to buy something a little bit more, I don't know, starry.
00:36:22No, no, well, yeah, no, I went for a few BMWs and then I decided, I was like, you know what, I'm going to go big.
00:36:28So I went and got myself a Bentley Continental GT.
00:36:31Oh, now that's an interesting car, actually.
00:36:33Which one have you got?
00:36:35It's just the Continental GT V8.
00:36:38That's correct.
00:36:39Yeah.
00:36:40Because there's so many minds you can tread on on your way, it's not a convertible, is it?
00:36:44No.
00:36:45No, you see, I think the convertible makes you look stupid.
00:36:47Yeah, because whenever you see a convertible Bentley, people always got like the bright blue, or it's in blight red, or it's white.
00:36:53And they've got an orange face.
00:36:55Yeah.
00:36:56And you're in Cheshire.
00:36:57Or Essex.
00:36:58Or Essex.
00:36:59Anyway, now you came down here, because interestingly, we have a slight problem with this thing today.
00:37:04I mean, this is not a word of a lie.
00:37:06We had Will Smith here last week, as you probably know.
00:37:08The Stig had never heard of him.
00:37:10Shut up!
00:37:11Kiefer Sutherland, a couple of weeks ago, never heard of him.
00:37:14Was Ed Sheer and Wheat one?
00:37:16No idea.
00:37:17He doesn't know anyone here.
00:37:18Wowzers!
00:37:19He came down here this morning.
00:37:20Odie Murs?
00:37:21He's completely in love with you.
00:37:23No!
00:37:24He said to you...
00:37:25The Stig, you are his, apart from the Carpenters obviously, his absolute favourite artist.
00:37:31You know what, can I just say, just, I don't think the people want to know this information, but I'm delighted with it.
00:37:36I went, and I just walked into the toilet to have a, you know.
00:37:41He was in there.
00:37:42Did you see this penis?
00:37:43Well, no, he was, well...
00:37:48He was wearing his helmet still, so he wasn't...
00:37:53He wasn't, he wasn't, I thought he was going to be holding his helmet, but...
00:37:56This is all big news!
00:38:04Well, it, well, it, well, it, well, my, my, my best of a celebrity story was, erm...
00:38:09You can't top that!
00:38:10No, there's another toilet incident with Gary Barlow, which, which was...
00:38:15Absolutely fantastic, yeah.
00:38:17But now I've gone to the, yeah, I've been in the toilet with the Stig, it's pretty amazing.
00:38:22Anyway...
00:38:23Yes.
00:38:24It was, presumably, you, you went out in the Vauxhall Astra tech line?
00:38:28Yes.
00:38:29Many laps, many practices?
00:38:30Loved it, did a few, quite a few practices, really.
00:38:32And I was giving it some, like, come on!
00:38:34I can feel it!
00:38:35You know, when you get to the end of the day, come on!
00:38:37So, would you like to see the real, actual lap in a car?
00:38:40Come on!
00:38:41Here we go, let's have a look!
00:38:46We're away!
00:38:47Come on, baby!
00:38:49Purr with me!
00:38:51You're looking like Val Kilmer in there!
00:38:53Oh, yeah, that's aggressive turning!
00:38:59Same line that Ricciardo was using the other day, very good!
00:39:03Don't cry for me, Argentina!
00:39:07Don't sing there, here.
00:39:10There we are, nicely done through.
00:39:14Sorry for my language, Mum, I apologise.
00:39:17Didn't mean to swear.
00:39:18You haven't sworn.
00:39:19I've got to f***ing do this!
00:39:21No, you have sworn now.
00:39:23That was swearing there.
00:39:25OK, that's about as perfect as it comes, that is.
00:39:31As is that, no real understeer, that's good to see.
00:39:3570.
00:39:3680.
00:39:37Yep.
00:39:38Flat through there.
00:39:39Yeah, I felt good going through there.
00:39:41Yeah.
00:39:42I got into fourth gear just as I got to the tyres.
00:39:44That's pretty good.
00:39:45This was the bend.
00:39:46Oh, look at it squirming there.
00:39:47That is nicely held.
00:39:48It's a good chassis, that, but you're getting the best out of it.
00:39:50And that is bob on as well.
00:39:51And there we are across the line.
00:39:52So there we go.
00:39:53Where do you think you've come on the board?
00:39:54My aim was one, four, six.
00:39:55I just wanted to...
00:39:56You wanted to beat Hugh Jackman.
00:39:57Yeah, I was there, right?
00:39:59I was a big fan of the tyres.
00:40:00I was a big fan of the tyres.
00:40:01I was a big fan of the tyres.
00:40:02That's pretty good.
00:40:03That was the bend.
00:40:04That was the bend.
00:40:05This is the...
00:40:06Oh, look at it squirming there.
00:40:07That is nicely held.
00:40:08It's a good chassis, that, but you're getting the best out of it.
00:40:09And that is bob on as well, and there we are across the line.
00:40:12Ah!
00:40:13So there we go.
00:40:14Where do you think you've come on the board?
00:40:15My aim was one, four, six.
00:40:17I just wanted to...
00:40:18You wanted to beat Hugh Jackman.
00:40:19Yeah, I was aiming...
00:40:20One, four, six is an ambitious...
00:40:21Oh, no!
00:40:23You're an ambitious.
00:40:24Oh, God, put me out of my misery.
00:40:26As long as I'm beating Jack, that's all I care about.
00:40:28Come on.
00:40:29Everybody could beat Jack.
00:40:30I don't want to look, don't want to look.
00:40:31Tell me when.
00:40:32Stevie Wonder next week, he's going to beat Jack.
00:40:37You did a one.
00:40:40Forty.
00:40:41Now, you want me to say six, don't you?
00:40:45I'm going to say four.
00:40:49No!
00:40:52So, actually, you're up there with only Aaron Paul,
00:40:55as in Breaking Bad, on one four four seven.
00:40:58Shut up!
00:41:01So if it's lower than seven, you're the fastest ever.
00:41:08It's six.
00:41:09Yes!
00:41:10Come on!
00:41:11You did it!
00:41:12That's it!
00:41:15Oh, my God!
00:41:16That's the fastest we've ever had.
00:41:19The fastest man in all of the world!
00:41:22Oliver's!
00:41:27That is the fastest we've ever had.
00:41:30Ladies and gentlemen, let's let him go.
00:41:32Oliver's the fastest man ever round our track!
00:41:35Ah, thanks, Danny.
00:41:41Now, there are many truly great car companies,
00:41:45all with rich, magnificent histories.
00:41:48There's Ferrari, Jaguar, Lancia, Maserati, and so on, and so on.
00:41:53Yes, indeed, but tonight, James and I are going to look at the history
00:41:58of the most brilliant, most inventive car company of them all.
00:42:04Peugeot.
00:42:05For thousands of years, there was only one way of crossing this Spartan landscape
00:42:18in the vast, dusty heat of North Africa.
00:42:22This was it.
00:42:25It was used by the Greeks, the Romans, the Berbers, the Phoenicians, the Vandals, the Arabs, the Carthaginians, the Ottomans, the French, the Tuareg, the Italians, and the British.
00:42:38But then, in 1968, the Camel's 4,000-year monopoly was ended by the Peugeot 504.
00:42:51Many people imagine it was Land Rover or Jeep that brought internal combustion to the world's most impregnable backwaters.
00:43:07But really, it was this.
00:43:11The King of Africa, as they called it.
00:43:14Yes, it had good ground clearance and parts were cheap.
00:43:20But what really endeared this mighty Peugeot to Africa was its rugged dependability.
00:43:27You regularly hear tales around these parts of 504s that have done a million kilometres
00:43:34and which have been to places that no Land Rover could reach without falling to pieces.
00:43:4040 years ago then, Peugeot was a byword for sturdy toughness and common sense.
00:43:49But then, in 1983, Peugeot decided it didn't want to make strong, sturdy, beige cars anymore.
00:43:58It wanted to throw off its sensy panties and be sporty and frivolous and fun.
00:44:04So it completely changed direction.
00:44:10It's employed a brilliant chef to suspension and came up with cars like this.
00:44:15The 505 GTI, a sports saloon to rival any BMW.
00:44:24And then there was the 405 Mi16 which sounded like it was a machine gun and it went like one.
00:44:31But best of all, Peugeot gave us this.
00:44:37The phenomenal 205 GTI.
00:44:40A car that was fast.
00:44:43Even with James May at the wheel.
00:44:46Was this the best hot hatchback of the 80s?
00:44:49Well, it was definitely a contender, wasn't it?
00:44:51It's still good.
00:44:52It's hard to believe that this was made by the same people who did the 504.
00:45:02Made by the same species, even.
00:45:04But this wasn't the first time that Peugeot had completely changed its mind about what it wanted to be.
00:45:15The company began in 1810 making steel and it was very, very good at it.
00:45:21So good that in 1840 it decided to start making wooden pepper grinders.
00:45:25Now these, they were the best pepper grinders in the world.
00:45:30So naturally, in 1852 Peugeot started to make corsets.
00:45:35And then 30 years later it thought, no.
00:45:38What we actually want to make are bicycles.
00:45:42And this is what they came up with.
00:45:45And it is brilliant.
00:45:47It is a superb bicycle.
00:45:49But naturally, having made a superb bicycle,
00:45:51the next logical step was to become a manufacturer of munitions.
00:45:56The shells they made were excellent, world class.
00:46:00But then, the Second World War broke out, the Germans arrived,
00:46:04and Mr Peugeot decided he didn't want to make munitions anymore.
00:46:08In fact, he didn't want to make anything.
00:46:10So one night, he laced his factory with explosives
00:46:14and blew the entire place to smithereens.
00:46:17After such a varied history, it's hardly surprising that Peugeot
00:46:22should make this sudden swerve from building dependable workhorses
00:46:26to exciting, sporty cars like the 205 GTI.
00:46:29Nor is it surprising, given the quality of their steel and their grinders
00:46:33and their corsets and their bicycles and their munitions,
00:46:36that they were unbelievably good at it.
00:46:38A turbocharged four-wheel-drive version of the 205, called the T16,
00:46:48won 16 rounds of the Rally Championship,
00:46:51beating the might of Ford, Audi and Lancia
00:46:58with two back-to-back world titles.
00:47:01And back in the showroom, the sporty cars kept on coming.
00:47:08Peugeot was on a roll.
00:47:11But then, one day, in Paris, there was a meeting.
00:47:15Messieurs, the time has come for us to stop making this sporty car.
00:47:29Mon Dieu!
00:47:30Sarkoble!
00:47:33But, what shall you do instead?
00:47:36Uh, cotangels, braille.
00:47:40How is this for a plan?
00:47:43We make terrible cars.
00:47:46In every way, horrible.
00:47:48Maybe, very ugly.
00:47:51Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:53The engine, very horrible.
00:47:55Oh, nasty, horrible.
00:47:57Uncomfortable.
00:47:58Uncomfortable.
00:47:59And the interior.
00:48:01Fabric on spit and Kleenex.
00:48:03Spit and Kleenex, oui, oui, oui.
00:48:05C'est une bonne idée, n'est-ce pas?
00:48:08Oh, oui.
00:48:09Ne regardez pas un cadeau de cheval dans la bouche.
00:48:13Monsieur, salut la voiture horrible!
00:48:17Oh!
00:48:20And get the chef the suspension up here,
00:48:22so we can fire him immédiatement.
00:48:24Oh, yes.
00:48:25This breakfast meeting will put Peugeot on the map
00:48:28for many years to come.
00:48:30Make a no mistake.
00:48:33This is what resulted.
00:48:35Cars like the hateful 1007,
00:48:38the absurd 407,
00:48:40the woeful 607,
00:48:42and the shockingly bad 3008.
00:48:45Cheaply made, sloppy handling,
00:48:47lacklustre dung.
00:48:48the lot of it.
00:48:50The adverts changed too.
00:48:52Out went the burning cornfields
00:48:53and the jumping 205s,
00:48:55and in came Tosh like this.
00:48:58Buy a car.
00:48:59Four wheels and some seats
00:49:00for just £99 a month
00:49:02with £1,000 cashback
00:49:03plus another £2,000 cashback.
00:49:05Easy finance
00:49:06and a free,
00:49:07yes, free,
00:49:08locking petrol filler can.
00:49:10APR 29.4%
00:49:11subject to terms and conditions.
00:49:12You must be able to sign your name to have a car.
00:49:14Your knees may be at risk
00:49:15if you do not keep up repayments.
00:49:16The results were immediate.
00:49:28Sales went through the roof.
00:49:31Peugeot may have been good at making sturdy cars
00:49:33and sporty cars,
00:49:35but it seemed they were absolutely brilliant
00:49:38at making terrible cars.
00:49:41Yes, and to find out just how brilliant,
00:49:43Jeremy and I are going to do an experiment.
00:49:45He has bought this mildly fire-damaged 307cc.
00:49:49You can see where the fire was just here.
00:49:51It's out now, so that's okay.
00:49:53Good, yes.
00:49:54And I have bought this utterly dreary 407.
00:49:58And now we're going to test them
00:50:00as if we're not interested in cars at all.
00:50:08In these horrible cars,
00:50:09it didn't take us long
00:50:10to get the hang of being modern Peugeot drivers.
00:50:15And turn.
00:50:16Why, oh why, do those idiots on Top Gear criticise Peugeot?
00:50:21I mean, look, six-speed gearbox.
00:50:24This is particularly brilliant.
00:50:25You've got your light switch here off,
00:50:26and then here, especially off.
00:50:30So, two...
00:50:31Two and a half revs, another gear.
00:50:32Oh, no, you're supposed to press...
00:50:33That's it.
00:50:34Oh, no, you're supposed to press...
00:50:35That's it.
00:50:36That's it.
00:50:37That's it.
00:50:38Two and a half revs, another gear.
00:50:39Soon, James had an accident.
00:50:40So, James had an accident.
00:50:41Oh, no, you're supposed to press...
00:50:42That's it.
00:50:43Soon, James had an accident.
00:50:44Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:50:45Oh, oh, oh, what's this,
00:50:46Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:50:50Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:50:51But I could use the back of the car too,
00:50:52I could use the back of the car too,
00:50:53by picking myself up and turning myself in the back of the car.
00:50:56He was on the back of the car too.
00:50:58You're not about to lose the car too.
00:50:59There are 28 cars on the car.
00:51:00Oh, yeah, I should imagine.
00:51:01All right.
00:51:02Yeah.
00:51:03Ah, yeah.
00:51:04It's that out there,
00:51:05I'm about to be a good train meter.
00:51:08Yeah, he's had an accident.
00:51:16Dam and blast.
00:51:19Oh, dear.
00:51:21Oh, dear, dear, dear.
00:51:32You crashed again? Yeah.
00:51:35You crashed on this corner this morning? Yeah.
00:51:38I haven't got round it once yet.
00:51:40It is tricky. I don't know why they put corners on.
00:51:42I mean, why would you?
00:51:44Well, I was going quite fast. I was in third.
00:51:47Oh.
00:51:49While James's car was being towed out of the ditch,
00:51:52I took the opportunity to demonstrate yet another
00:51:55incredible standard feature on my car.
00:51:59If you want to lower the passenger window,
00:52:01you can do that from a switch on the driver's door.
00:52:05But if you want to get it back up again...
00:52:08you can't.
00:52:10So, you have to go round to the other side, OK?
00:52:14And use the button here.
00:52:17But if you do that,
00:52:19you're going to trap your arm in this gap here.
00:52:23Now, Peugeot's thought of that, OK?
00:52:25Obviously, you can't open this door.
00:52:26Look, there's no door lock. That's for security reasons.
00:52:28So, you pop back round here.
00:52:32And this is incredible.
00:52:34Simply pull this switch.
00:52:36OK? Windows all go down now.
00:52:40The roof detaches.
00:52:42And now...
00:52:44Now, look,
00:52:46I can lift the window
00:52:48without getting my arm trapped.
00:52:52Can you see?
00:52:54Brilliant.
00:52:58With James' car out of the ditch,
00:53:00we relaxed by tuning in to Radio Peugeot.
00:53:05Jeremy Bancho, BBC Radio 2.
00:53:08Is Britain full is how we started this.
00:53:11Alison in Warfield in Berkshire, Texas, says,
00:53:13I can't park at Waitrose.
00:53:15So, yes, we are too full.
00:53:18Good caller.
00:53:23That's very nice of him.
00:53:24He just gave me a little push there
00:53:25to let me know he was coming past.
00:53:30Corner. Corner.
00:53:44I've done it. I'm round.
00:53:49Despite the soothing tones of Radio Peugeot...
00:53:53Do you think you may have the worst-tasting water in Britain?
00:53:56Do call us, if so, 0500 288 291...
00:53:59We found the journey very stressful,
00:54:01thanks to badly-placed road signs...
00:54:05...and busy junctions.
00:54:09Maniac.
00:54:11Maniac.
00:54:13Maniac.
00:54:15Yobbo.
00:54:16Maniac.
00:54:18Maniac.
00:54:19Hold on, I think there's a chance here.
00:54:23Oh!
00:54:25Damn it!
00:54:26You've got jolly foreign to come and over here.
00:54:28They don't pay a penny.
00:54:30I was paying for the main service.
00:54:32No, no, they don't buy no diesel.
00:54:35Bloody council, not men in the bloody roads.
00:54:37James, there's a corner coming up.
00:54:38A corner.
00:54:39There's a sign saying corner.
00:54:40Do take care this time, OK?
00:54:41To be honest, I didn't notice James' latest accident...
00:54:43...because I've found yet another feature in my amazing car.
00:54:45If I push this button here that increases the temperature...
00:54:47...and then hold it down for a little while...
00:54:49...and then hold it down for a little while...
00:54:50There we go.
00:54:51Lovely, lovely.
00:54:52Mm-mm.
00:54:53Smoke.
00:54:55Obviously there's a fair bit of choking you have to go through, but, um...
00:54:57...look at the result.
00:54:58People like a real fumble.
00:54:59car. If I push this button here that increases the temperature and then hold
00:55:05it down for a little while. There we go. Lovely, lovely. Mm-mm, smoke. Obviously
00:55:15there's a fair bit of choking you have to go through but look at the result.
00:55:21People like a real fire in their homes. I've got one in my car.
00:55:28It's a good job this car has a chimney. Obviously that's a very good design
00:55:33feature. When I met up with James again it was at the Peugeot driver's worst
00:55:40nightmare. A double mini roundabout.
00:55:46Now...
00:55:49Dear God, right, that's clear.
00:55:56I don't know.
00:56:14There's two.
00:56:19There's two.
00:56:33Mania.
00:56:35Oh, God. No more double mini roundabouts ever, please. After such a terrifying
00:56:47ordeal, we needed hot sweet tea to calm our nerves. So we went to a nearby garden centre.
00:56:54Will Hull emails. I suggest we bring back work houses. That would deter people exploiting
00:57:00the state and having as many children as they want.
00:57:02There's space there nearly.
00:57:04Entrance.
00:57:05There's space there.
00:57:12There's space there.
00:57:15I'm going to have to come in forwards.
00:57:20A cup of tea.
00:57:34Oh, perfect.
00:57:49Seen this, James?
00:57:50What?
00:57:51Carrots stopped you getting cancer.
00:57:53Really?
00:57:54Yeah.
00:57:55But the mail said it was tomatoes.
00:57:58Or was it tomatoes giving cancer?
00:58:00I thought Diana gave you cancer.
00:58:02Or was it house prices?
00:58:04No, immigrants do house prices.
00:58:06I'll get confused.
00:58:08Afternoon tea over.
00:58:10We got back on the road.
00:58:11Maniac.
00:58:24After a busy day, we were heading home and to get there, we'd fitted our cars with something
00:58:29called satellite navigation.
00:58:33Incredible device.
00:58:34It was a present for my children.
00:58:36It knows where I am on the planet.
00:58:38And then it can get me to my house.
00:58:41All I have to do is as I'm told.
00:58:44So I go left here.
00:58:48Yes.
00:58:51And according to the electric map, I go right.
00:58:54This is, um, you know, we're growing the council should really do something about this road here.
00:59:05It's weird, isn't it?
00:59:06You hear stories all the time about idiots who, oh, I was following the satellite navigation and I dove off a cliff or into a canal.
00:59:14What a moor.
00:59:20Must be a shortcut.
00:59:22Bloody clever.
00:59:29And here we are.
00:59:30Home, sweet home.
00:59:33Oh, joy.
00:59:36So there we are.
00:59:40Peugeot.
00:59:41They were brilliant at making strong cars.
00:59:43They were brilliant at making sporty cars.
00:59:46And for the last decade, they have been brilliant at making terrible cars.
00:59:51This really is the perfect car for the world's imperfect drivers.
00:59:57The simple way to stop speeding is to hand a jail sentence to anyone who's caught breaking the speed limit.
01:00:02And that will sort the problem.
01:00:04Jenny and Ramsgate.
01:00:05But here's the worry.
01:00:11Soon it will be time for Peugeot to change its mind again and think of something new.
01:00:16And who knows what that'll be?
01:00:18Knowing Peugeot, it could be a type of inert gas.
01:00:22The Peugeot nine-piece rhythm and blues band.
01:00:27Only time will tell.
01:00:28Nearly.
01:00:29The worst thing I've ever had ever had anything worse than being choked to death with a car on fire.
01:00:50Hang on. What? Hang on a minute.
01:00:52Are you two saying that Peugeot have spent ten years deliberately making terrible cars?
01:00:59Ooh. Well, yeah.
01:01:00You can't make cars that consistently bad by accident.
01:01:03Now, think about it, Hammond. Think about it.
01:01:05What is the point of making a car with complicated brakes and expensive suspension
01:01:09if you're just going to sell it to someone who only wants Jeremy Vine and easy finance?
01:01:14Exactly. You make cars as cheaply as possible and then sell them to people who won't notice.
01:01:18I mean, think of it this way, OK?
01:01:19Right now, even as we speak, nine million people in Britain are so uninterested in cars,
01:01:25they're watching that midwife thing on the other side.
01:01:27And you're saying they're all Peugeot drivers?
01:01:30Yes, I am. And they're all going to be absolutely heartbroken when Peugeot starts making cows.
01:01:37And on that bombshell, it's time to end. Thank you so much for watching.
01:01:40See you next week. Good night!
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