On the eve of the new millennium, everyone—except Dilbert—is making New Year's plans. While assuring everyone that the company is prepared for Y2K, Dilbert discovers that the computer mainframe's main processor isn't Y2K-compatible and all the company's systems will crash if it isn't fixed. Dilbert is rewarded for discovering this by being assigned to fix it, and he discovers that the system's original programmer was Wally. But have years of drudge work dulled his brain too much to be able to tackle this crucial task?
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00:04Hmm, hmm. Huh. According to my perpetual calendar program, June 30th in the year 2014 will be a
00:13Thursday. Did you know that? If I say yes, will you not talk? No, this is kind of interesting.
00:19Guess what day of the week is the first day of the year 2222? Two-stay? No, but that would
00:25have
00:25been good too. More importantly, which is better, Paris or Rome? Better? Paris. Which is better,
00:34Prague or Budapest? Why does it matter which is better? Prague. Which is better? What are you
00:41doing? I have to RSVP to my millennium parties. Millennium parties? Yes. Which is better, Hong
00:48Kong or Singapore? Wait a minute. Maybe my invitations have been lost in the mail. Oh,
00:54who cares? I never liked New Year's Eve anyway, and this one's no different. Except that everyone
00:59on Earth will be celebrating the end of the millennium. Well, everyone except you. I don't
01:05care. I will not be pressured into having fun just because we arbitrarily use a base 10 counting
01:11system and a big round number is coming up. If I'm going to have fun, I want a good reason.
01:16Well said. So which is better, Lisbon or Istanbul? Oh, come on. I can't be the only person not
01:22getting invitations to millennium parties. Which is better, Tokyo or Munich?
01:39wrong scrolling, I can't believe it.
01:49viewpoint, Andry.
01:50E.T.
01:51SOUTH59 suspense!
01:51G Jerry and kl acá and nósver!
01:55Yip!
02:00Hey!
02:35Do you guys have any party plans for New Year's Eve 1999?
02:39Oh yeah, of course.
02:40Only a total loser would have no plans for the biggest night ever in our lifetime.
02:45What are you doing, Dilbert?
02:46Me?
02:47I, uh...
02:48I got plans.
02:50I'm planning to link up with my survivalist militia group and loot a National Guard ammunitions dump.
02:55Do you know something I don't?
02:57Hello? The Millennium Bug?
02:59When the date hits 2000, all computers will malfunction and the world will plunge into chaos.
03:04I don't want to be outgunned.
03:05We won't have a year 2000 problem in this company.
03:08All of our computers are new.
03:10Not all. You're forgetting Black Betty.
03:12Black Betty. That mainframe was replaced years ago.
03:16Black Betty. Did you say Black Betty?
03:19Boy, I haven't thought about old Black Betty in ages.
03:22Maybe never.
03:24But she's real.
03:26As real as the dwarf who sneaks into my bedroom at night and steals my underwear.
03:31About that mainframe.
03:32Not now. I'm reminiscing.
03:34Where was I?
03:35Black Betty.
03:35Yes, Black Betty, the mainframe.
03:38Boy, oh boy.
03:39We thought about replacing her years ago, but then we thought,
03:42well, why not just cobble our new systems to the old one
03:45with untold miles of spaghetti code and obsolete coax cable?
03:49Why'd you do that?
03:51It was an executive decision.
03:54We figured it would save money in the short run and only later plunge the company into darkness
03:59after we executives had all left for other companies.
04:01But you're still here.
04:03Banksmanship.
04:04I live for it.
04:05You know how sometimes you're driving down the freeway and you pull into the oncoming lane intentionally
04:08only to swerve away at the last minute?
04:10That was you?
04:11You ran me off the road.
04:12Stared destiny right in the face.
04:15You could have killed me.
04:16Sorry.
04:17Anyway, which is better?
04:18Jakarta or Geneva?
04:21We have to do something about the Millennium Bug.
04:23The Millennium Bug?
04:25Are you telling me that Han Solo's ship is here?
04:29That's the Millennium Falcon.
04:31I'm talking about the year 2000 problem.
04:34Y2K.
04:35Oh, yes.
04:38T3G.
04:39Pardon?
04:40B9C.
04:42B9C.
04:42Look, if our computer systems are all connected to Black Betty, some ancient mainframe...
04:48Ooh, ooh!
04:48E4J!
04:49This is fun.
04:50We're out of business when the date changes.
04:52You mean all the technology is going to...
04:56break?
04:57Yes.
04:58Is there any way this collapse of civilization thing could affect me personally?
05:03I think it might.
05:04Okay, then.
05:05You have my full support to fix the problem.
05:08Unless it involves any sort of resources or decisions or effort on my part.
05:13Remember, money is no object.
05:16Unless, of course, you plan to spend it.
05:18Me?
05:18Why is it up to me?
05:20Because you brought it up.
05:21You know the rules.
05:22He who complains is assigned to fix it.
05:24That only applies to little things.
05:26This could be the biggest project in our company's history.
05:28And I've never even seen that Black Betty mainframe.
05:31No one has, for years.
05:33It's quite splendiferous.
05:35You've seen it?
05:36I helped install it.
05:37Of course, that was years ago, before the life force was drained from my body and I became a selfish
05:42and apathetic shell of a man.
05:43Then you can help.
05:44I don't think you were listening.
05:46Besides, I don't even remember back then.
05:48You have to help, Wally.
05:49The career of every employee depends on it.
05:52If our mainframe goes nuts, we'll lose our payroll system, our pension database, the personnel records.
05:58It will be as if we never even worked here.
06:00For me, every day is like that.
06:01You know what I mean.
06:03If we go down, you're going down with us.
06:06Shh, shh.
06:06Yes, I want the gold card, the silver card, and the platinum card.
06:11Are there any other heavy metals that you make cards in?
06:14Okay, then, send them out.
06:15Wally, what are you doing?
06:17Welcoming in the millennium.
06:18By ordering credit cards.
06:20That's right.
06:21I'm applying for every credit card I can get my hands on.
06:24Then I'll take huge cash advances and wait for the millennium bug to hose the bank's computers.
06:29They'll never be able to bill me.
06:30You would have made a great evil mastermind.
06:33Nah, the hours are too long.
06:36Alice, you've got to help me on this year 2000 project.
06:39I need a team.
06:40I would, but I don't have time.
06:41I'm buried with work.
06:42Maybe you should come with me to see the director of human resources.
06:45He might have a company-sponsored program for time management.
06:49Ashok, we need your help on the year 2000 project.
06:53I'd like to help, but I'm just an intern.
06:55I have no experience with computers made before the 90s.
06:58Come with us to see the director of human resources.
07:00Maybe he knows of some company-sponsored training you can take.
07:07Wally.
07:08Shh, I'm securing a home equity loan.
07:10But you don't own a home.
07:11I don't, but my good friend Bob does.
07:14Who's Bob?
07:15I'm Bob.
07:16Oh.
07:17Sheesh.
07:18But Wally, you're our best hope.
07:20You've got to help on the year 2000 problem.
07:22You were there.
07:23You know where the date code is on the old mainframe.
07:26I don't remember any of it.
07:27It was a long time ago.
07:29Yes, I'm holding.
07:30Come with us to see the director of human resources.
07:33Maybe he has some sort of company-sponsored program to regain lost memories.
07:39Bob?
07:40Bob, are you there?
07:41Hello, Bob.
07:43Dogbert, I need you.
07:45Meet me at work.
08:11What do you want?
08:12We came to see Mr. Catbert.
08:13What for?
08:14Well, I need 45 more people to help me on the year 2000 project.
08:18I need more time.
08:20I need experience.
08:21I need a memory.
08:22What about the dog?
08:23I'm perfect, but thanks for asking.
08:25Mr. Catbert is busy.
08:27Go away!
08:31We could shove Ashok, the intern, through the opening.
08:34He can unlock the door from the other side.
08:36I could never fit in that tiny hole!
08:41Note to self.
08:42Get smarter troll to guard door.
08:44We need your help.
08:46I can't help.
08:47Why not?
08:47It's a company policy.
08:49Aren't you the one who makes the company policies?
08:51Do I have a great job or what?
08:53If you don't help us, we're going to be stuck here and we'll never be able to go home.
08:57Dilbert, you don't need me.
08:59You have everything you need right here.
09:02Take Ashok here.
09:03He has no experience.
09:04I am a blank slate.
09:06But what he doesn't realize is that cynicism is almost the same thing as experience.
09:12It is?
09:13Sure.
09:15Just try thinking the worst about people and you'll usually be right.
09:19I feel wiser already.
09:21And Alice, you need more time.
09:23But that's only because you spend so much time with your hair and makeup in the morning.
09:27That's a necessity.
09:29Only in your mind.
09:31You mean I'm beautiful just the way I am?
09:33No.
09:34I mean it's a lost cause.
09:36You should put that time to better use.
09:39What about Wally?
09:40He needs a memory.
09:41Wally doesn't need a real memory.
09:44I doubt?
09:45No.
09:46Recent court rulings have proven false memory is just as good as the real thing.
09:50Maybe better.
09:51How do I get one of those?
09:53Hypnosis will do the trick.
09:55I have some books right here.
09:56Let me see those.
10:05You don't have these on video, do you?
10:07Okay, this is a start.
10:09But I still need more bodies.
10:11Don't you have a list of surplused employees?
10:13Well, I don't usually do this.
10:16Do what?
10:16Be helpful.
10:17But I do have a list of employees who have recently been terminated.
10:21How does that help?
10:22Still on the payroll for two more weeks.
10:25They're all described in this binder.
10:32The Useless Guy.
10:34The Useless Guy will take up space and eat your donuts.
10:37Sometimes he will clip articles from publications and leave them on your chair.
10:41Ted the Generic Guy.
10:43He has no distinct characteristics.
10:45People who have known him for years can't describe him.
10:48There may be more than one Ted in the company.
10:50No one really knows.
10:52Zimboo the Monkey.
10:54Smarter than the average simian.
10:56Writes computer code at record speed thanks to his tail.
10:59They aren't much, but they'll have to do.
11:02Can you regress him to his earlier days as an engineer when he helped install the mainframe?
11:08I'm not up to the regression chapter yet.
11:10What have you learned?
11:12I can make him walk a tightrope across a ravine.
11:14Does it have to be a ravine?
11:16Can it be any sort of chasm?
11:18Sure, ravine.
11:19Or gulch.
11:20Or chasm.
11:20Orgasm.
11:22Huh?
11:24Oops.
11:25I skipped a chapter.
11:46Mom?
11:49Mom?
11:49In here, dear.
11:51Push a little harder.
11:52Get your shoulder into it.
11:58Mom, what are you doing?
12:00Stockpiling.
12:02Stockpiling?
12:02Why?
12:03Where have you been?
12:04Haven't you heard about Y2K?
12:07Heard of it?
12:08I'm in charge of fixing the bug for my whole company.
12:11You are?
12:12God help them.
12:14Thanks, Mom.
12:14Maybe you should start hoarding essential supplies before it's too late.
12:19Why are you hoarding hair conditioner?
12:22I had a coupon.
12:23Mom, it would be a lot easier to talk to you if I could see you.
12:27I'm not here.
12:28I'm at the warehouse shopping club with a moving van.
12:31Am I so predictable you can record your side of the conversation in advance?
12:36Yes.
12:37You are so predictable I can record my side of the conversation in advance.
12:47Put it back.
12:56Excuse me.
12:57I need to get out.
12:58Get out?
12:59Nobody gets out.
13:00Haven't you learned that by now?
13:02I mean the driveway.
13:03I know what you mean.
13:04The question is, do you know what you mean?
13:06What do you mean?
13:07You're concerned about Y2K.
13:09You're afraid you won't be able to solve the problem in time.
13:11That you'll go down in history as the goat of the new millennium.
13:14How do you know that?
13:15It's written all over your face.
13:18If you're so smart, what do I do about the year 2000 problem?
13:22Don't fight the problem.
13:24Embrace it.
13:25You are Y2K.
13:27I am Y2K.
13:28Are you just going to keep repeating what I say?
13:30Okay.
13:31Embrace it.
13:32Got it.
13:33Finally.
13:38Um, excuse me.
13:40I still need to get out?
13:42They never listen.
13:47This all looks pretty optional.
13:55And then he says, do you know what you mean?
13:58And I said...
13:59Fix it yet?
14:00Not yet.
14:01Okay.
14:02As I was saying.
14:04Cut it out.
14:05I'm not doing anything!
14:08Your tail is poking my face.
14:10Your face is poking my tail!
14:12Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves.
14:16We just did that.
14:17Can anyone pay attention here?
14:20Can I say something?
14:22What?
14:25Nothing.
14:26It's just been a while since I said anything.
14:29Now, Ted.
14:30It seems to me you might be able to...
14:33Ted?
14:34I was saying you might be able to...
14:36Ted?
14:37I...
14:37Ted?
14:39Ted!
14:40Are you talking to me?
14:42Yes!
14:42My name's not Ted.
14:44It's not?
14:45Well, what is it?
14:46Well, it's Ted.
14:47But not the Ted you're thinking of.
14:50Hey, what did I tell you?
14:52Come and get me!
14:55Get him off of me!
14:57I cut out this article today.
14:59I'll pass it around.
15:03There it is.
15:04Black Betty.
15:06That mainframe is tied to every computer system in this company.
15:10And only Wally knows its secrets.
15:21This is the only control port into Black Betty.
15:24It hasn't been used for years.
15:26There must be 10 million lines of computer code in that thing.
15:29And no written documentation.
15:31Let's give up now and form an agrarian society!
15:34Don't panic yet.
15:36If Dogbert can get Wally to remember how we installed this,
15:39we'll know exactly where to make the changes.
15:41So our futures depend on Wally.
15:44That's it!
15:45We're all farmers!
15:48How's it going?
15:49Any progress?
15:50No.
15:52Apparently he was a cow in a previous life.
15:55Stop playing around.
15:56We need him to remember his days as a young engineer
15:59when he installed the Black Betty mainframe.
16:01You're stressed.
16:02Have a glass of warm milk.
16:04I am kind of thirsty.
16:07No.
16:14It's Cobol.
16:15I learned about this in school.
16:17You learned a program in Cobol?
16:19No.
16:20I learned about it in history class.
16:22History, you say?
16:24I'll see if I can find anything about history in the literature.
16:31Back.
16:32Back.
16:32Back in time.
16:33Back to the 1970s.
16:39I am getting such a sunburn.
16:42Whose idea was this pyramid thing anyway?
16:44Why don't we just cover the pharaoh with sand?
16:46Are you afraid we'll run out?
16:49Now this is more like it.
16:54Hey, I'm on a break.
16:57How did you get here?
16:59Hey, who's the hypnotist?
17:01Right.
17:02A god has descended to Earth.
17:04Sorry, no autographs.
17:09In retrospect, this was a pretty great epoch.
17:12All right.
17:13Who wants to fan me?
17:15Back.
17:16Back in time.
17:17To the 1970s.
17:19A.D.
17:21Remember yourself as a young engineer.
17:23I had hair.
17:24You were full of optimism and enthusiasm.
17:26I cared about my job.
17:29Morning.
17:30Morning.
17:31Morning.
17:32Morning.
17:33Morning.
17:34Good morning.
17:36That's the new whiz kid.
17:38Hmm.
17:39Hot shot.
17:40So much hope and energy.
17:43He's got the world on a string.
17:48Hey, Wally.
17:49How about some coffee?
17:50Uh, thanks.
17:50But no thanks.
17:51I don't want to miss any work.
17:54Look at him go.
17:56He's written an entire customer database system from scratch.
18:01Why do we only use two digits to store the dates?
18:04It saves space.
18:05Yeah, but in the year 2000, the programs won't work because the computer will think it's year zero zero.
18:11Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
18:18ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:21We know from the hypnotic regression that Wally used to be a great engineer.
18:24Wow. From great engineer to doorstop in just a few short years.
18:29Wally was a magnificent stallion before he became a broken man.
18:34You don't often hear the words Wally and stallion in the same sentence.
18:37But he was a stallion once. That's the point. Don't you get it?
18:41I get it!
18:44No, I don't!
18:46We've got to think like Wally.
18:49No, young Wally.
18:52Young Wally would have seen this year 2000 problem coming.
18:55He would have left flags in the program so he could find the date code easily.
18:59Probably some sort of keyword in the program documentation.
19:03If we figure out the keyword, we'll know exactly where the problems are.
19:07Wally, what is the keyword?
19:09Keyword.
19:10What is the keyword?
19:13Keyword.
19:14No, no. What is the keyword?
19:16Keyword.
19:21I think his keyword was keyword.
19:24All right. I said smart, not creative.
19:37This old equipment won't make it.
19:38It has to. It's obsolete.
19:41If it fries, we'll never have a way to reprogram the mainframe.
19:50He's not going to make it.
19:51He's not fast enough.
19:53Step aside. I see what he's doing.
19:55You just need a faster typist.
20:02Still no good.
20:03He won't make it.
20:04Use the tail, Zimboo. The tail.
20:11Fix it yet?
20:12Not yet.
20:13Well, okay.
20:17It's going to blow.
20:26I feel so soiled.
20:29Even more than usual.
20:31Oh, my God. Have I been working?
20:33Is it fixed yet?
20:34We won't know until January 1st.
20:37Why? What significance does January 1st have?
20:40January 1st, 2000?
20:43Apparently, you've been too busy fooling around to read the news.
20:47The National Bureau of Standards has decided to skip 2000.
20:51The 21st century won't officially start till the year 2001.
20:56You can't do that.
20:57That's what they said about daylight savings time.
21:00No, they didn't.
21:01Well, they should have.
21:03My watch is off by an hour.
21:04Sometimes it's like that for months.
21:06Maybe we should get hopping on the year 3000 problem.
21:09You know, nip it in the bud.
21:12Good thinking, Alice.
21:14You're in charge.
21:26Hi, how are you?
21:28What?
21:29Nothing.
21:30I'm here to withdraw the maximum cash advances from each of these credit codes.
21:35Are you one of those guys who thinks our computer records will be wiped out by the year 2000 bug
21:39and you won't have to pay us back?
21:41And there's nothing you can do about it.
21:48Here you go.
21:52Ah!
21:56You know, no matter how many times I do that, it's always enjoyable.
22:10You know, no matter how many times I do that, it's always enjoyable.
22:30You know, no matter how many times I do that, it's alwaysμαí.
22:31You know, I think it's always enjoyable.
22:32It's always enjoyable.
22:33You know, you know, we've got trouble.
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