Dilbert is assigned to create a digital work of art. The result, the Blue Duck, ends up appealing to the lowest common denominator of society and destroys the value and popularity of classic artworks.
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TVTranscript
00:07Ready?
00:08Ready.
00:09Ready.
00:11Welcome to Painting with Rusty Shanks.
00:16Last week I taught you how to paint shrubbery using your own head as a brush.
00:21That was a good show.
00:22Today we'll take a ride into the wild world of modern abstract art.
00:27Yeah, just paint Rusty, don't talk.
00:28Some people think abstract art can't be taught.
00:31I think that.
00:32Let's say you wanted to express an emotion such as, oh, a fear of caterpillars.
00:37What color would you choose?
00:40Orange.
00:40Green.
00:41Purple.
00:42That's right. It's our friend Taupe.
00:44Taupe.
00:45Taupe? How do you make taupe? Rusty, you're killing me.
00:48And what shape works best with taupe?
00:51Circle.
00:51Triangle.
00:52Line.
00:52If you said octagon, you're right.
00:55We'll represent the octagon with a dot.
00:58And the color taupe will be represented by the color orange.
01:01It's levels upon levels.
01:04I don't get art.
01:05Who decided that a painting of a bowl of fruit is art?
01:08How long can you look at the same bowl of fruit anyway?
01:11At least with the actual fruit itself, you can rearrange the pieces once in a while.
01:15You can eat it if you're hungry. You can watch it rot.
01:17But if all you have is a painting of fruit, your options are limited.
01:21So you think the whole art scene is just one big scam to make money?
01:25I'm beginning to wonder.
01:26I'd better look into it.
01:28You do that. And report back.
01:30Who are you? Who let you in here? What do you think you're doing?
01:34We wish to interrupt this program in order to bring you this special bulletin.
01:37Art teacher Rusty Shanks has disappeared.
01:40No, I haven't. I'm right here.
01:42This, coupled with his refusal to repay certain outstanding loans,
01:45has forced the cancellation of the Painting with Rusty Show.
01:49I can get the money! No! No!
01:52We now return to Painting without Rusty Shanks, already in progress.
01:57They say you have to suffer for your art.
01:59I wonder if that's what they meant.
02:12I hope I infuse the imprisoned nutritpasta if they want to fight.
02:20I want you to escape.
02:24All right?
02:35Hey, hey!
02:38For moreuke of Rustyприion.
03:10We'll facilitate our strategy, process, and behavior-related activities to facilitate our goal of sustained, predictable, and high-margin profitability.
03:23And we'll need to revitalize our efforts toward continuous quality improvement.
03:31Wally, I'm trying to communicate here.
03:33Oh, communication.
03:35I didn't see that.
03:36You saw that communication? Is that what you call it?
03:39It sounds like the rambling and babbling of a nincompoop, a buffoon staggering down the street in a stupor.
03:50Good point, Ashok. Yes, it was communication.
03:53And unless that newspaper has an idea for increasing our profits, you'd better put it down and listen to me.
04:00This thing is full of money-making ideas. Here's a guy who sued a big company and made $25 million.
04:06He sued us.
04:07The product directions clearly stated do not use as waffle maker and bicycle seat at the same time.
04:13Here's a story about a painting that sold for $75 million and the buyers leaving it in the museum.
04:20So he paid $75 million and got nothing in return.
04:23Oh, hold the wire. Now we're on to something.
04:25No, we're not.
04:26Good work, Wally.
04:28If only the others could work at my level.
04:31We'll need some sort of competitive advantage if we're going to dominate the art industry.
04:36We will also need art.
04:38Dilbert would be good at creating art.
04:40No, I wouldn't.
04:41Too late. The seed is planted.
04:43It's true that Dilbert is no Wally.
04:47Everyone's trying to warm themselves in my light.
04:49But I don't know anything about art.
04:51Uh-uh. Save it for your performance review.
04:54But we're a technology company, not an art company.
04:58Engineers don't understand art.
05:00We know what we like.
05:03Don't we?
05:04How hard could it be?
05:05Art has rules just like anything else.
05:08If you can teach a computer to play chess, you can teach a computer to make a painting.
05:13Thank you for converting an impossible assignment into something that will look like a personal failing on my part.
05:18Nicely done.
05:20Not a day goes by when I do not learn something.
05:23Well, I know what I like.
05:27You're right.
05:28I don't.
05:31I'd better learn something about art pretty quickly.
05:33Why don't you come with me tonight to an art appreciation class at the museum?
05:37It is hosted by esteemed art expert, Sister Wanda Beaver.
05:42What do nuns know about art?
05:44You are laboring under a false stereotype of nuns.
05:47For your information, they cannot fly under their own power, and the short ones are rarely mistaken for penguins.
05:53I'll try to be more open-minded.
05:57In this sweeping expression by Bhutan Norgon, the artist uses colour to convey his message of being trapped in a
06:06career that was a huge mistake.
06:08Forced to wear drab clothing, forbidden to explore his intense, smouldering urges.
06:24In this floral treatment, we can feel the artist's desire to spring colourfully from his container, leaving behind his career
06:34that was a huge, huge mistake.
06:36Hmm. I'm also seeing some smouldering urges from the carnation.
06:41You are the quick learner, Mr. Dalbert.
06:44The rendering is indeed packed with erotic imagery.
06:48What imagery?
06:49Oh, it's there.
06:50You can't spell carnation without carnal.
06:53Actually, you can't spell carnation with carnal.
06:56That would be carnal-tion.
06:57But you can't spell it without car.
06:59And cars have back seats, do they not?
07:01Not in the 17th century when that was painted.
07:05Ow!
07:10I still don't know what makes one piece of art better than another.
07:14Hmm. Maybe you should ask people what they like, and then put it all in one painting.
07:19Would that work?
07:20I was right about the carnation.
07:24When you're shopping for a painting for the house, what qualities are you looking for?
07:28Well, I like looking at pictures that have shootable animals.
07:31Deer is good. Sometimes I'm in the mood for a duck.
07:34Nature themes.
07:35If the price is the same, I like bigger ones.
07:38Big ones.
07:39Well, I like pictures of things you can eat.
07:41You should never buy paintings on an empty stomach.
07:43I like paintings with a lot of blue.
07:46That's my favorite color.
07:48Yeah.
07:48Oh, yeah.
07:49I like blue.
07:49Blue is a big, big blue.
07:51Yeah, I like that.
07:51How many of you would buy a painting of a blue duck?
08:02How big is it?
08:03It's big.
08:13I could put a frame around that shirt and sell it in an art gallery.
08:16No one wants a stained shirt on their wall.
08:19They'll want it if I tell them they want it.
08:21You can't tell people what they like.
08:23Oh, really?
08:24Ratbert?
08:26I'm going to hang dirty laundry on the walls.
08:28Do you want some for your room?
08:31Why would I want that?
08:33See?
08:33I'm not going to use Dilbert's laundry.
08:35I'm going to buy it in an art gallery.
08:37It's framed, expensive dirty laundry.
08:39Can you get me a sock for over my desk?
08:43That's not fair.
08:44How hard is it to brainwash Ratbert?
08:46Is that an insult?
08:47No.
08:48It's a compliment.
08:56My lucky shirt.
08:58You have always been good to me.
09:00Mwah!
09:17Mwah!
09:20Mwah!
09:23Mwah!
09:25Mwah!
09:26Mwah!
09:26Mwah!
09:27Mwah!
09:28Mwah!
09:28Mwah!
09:29Mwah!
09:29Mwah!
09:30Mwah!
09:30Mwah!
09:31Mwah!
09:33Mwah!
09:40Excuse me, do you own this establishment?
09:43Are you a buyer or just a looky-loo?
09:45I am a third category. Outraged victim of your laundromat.
09:49Yeah, we get a lot of that.
09:50Sounds like you need some art to lighten you up.
09:53How about this piece? It's new.
09:55Oh my goodness! Those are my underpanties!
10:03It's blue. It's a duck. In theory, it's art.
10:09Print.
10:12Hey, what's this? Nice color. And if I'm not mistaken, that's a duck.
10:18You like it?
10:19I'm gonna hang this on my cubicle wall.
10:21Is that a duck? That is so cute! Where did you buy that?
10:25I didn't buy it. I'm stealing it from Dilbert.
10:28Dilbert made this?
10:29According to my research, it's art.
10:32My God. What's that feeling in my stomach?
10:35Is that a growing sense of respect for Dilbert?
10:41No, I just drank a soda too fast.
10:43But I do like the duck.
10:44I like how it's right in the middle.
10:46You know, sometimes you see a painting of a barn and it's off in one corner.
10:52It's magnificent.
10:53I don't know whether to eat it or shoot it.
10:55Can you make it bigger?
10:57I can make it any size you want.
10:58Any size?
10:59Whoa, Nelly, looks like we just hit payduck.
11:14Thanks to the artistic work of Dilbert, in the two weeks since we introduced the blue duck artwork, we have
11:22captured 99% of the art market.
11:33I didn't know we were competing against museums.
11:36Competition, it's more like a monopoly.
11:38Apparently, the verdict is in.
11:40No one wants to look at crap when they can look at the blue duck.
11:49Our only remaining threat is from some joint in France called the Louvre, sometimes pronounced Louvre-y.
11:58They're holding on by a thread, operating a furniture reupholstering business out of the gift shop.
12:03I didn't mean to destroy the art world.
12:05You didn't mean to destroy the art world.
12:08Get him!
12:09Well, you did.
12:11And I, for one, salute you.
12:16I have a bad feeling about this blue duck phenomenon.
12:19It might be a little too successful.
12:22Culture needs diversity.
12:23Why don't you put on a beret and starve?
12:26Dilbert, the marketplace makes no judgment.
12:28The consumer has spoken.
12:29Everyone loves that duck.
12:31But if it's everywhere, won't that rob it of its uniqueness?
12:34Do we have to shove it down the public's throat at every opportunity?
12:38I really think that we're going to dilute its meaning by overexposure.
12:42Uh-oh.
12:43Its meaning?
12:45There he is!
12:46Right!
12:46Right here!
12:47I can't believe I'm seeing you in person!
12:53You're the most famous artist in the world!
12:56I'm not an artist.
12:57I'm an engineer.
12:57Oh!
13:00Oh!
13:01Oh!
13:01Boo!
13:01Okay!
13:02I'm an artist!
13:03Oh!
13:10I can't believe I'm on a date with the famous creator of Le Canard du Bleu!
13:15The what?
13:16The blue duck!
13:17Oh, yes!
13:19I hope my fame isn't the only reason you like me.
13:22Oh, don't get me wrong, Dilbert.
13:23I don't like you personally.
13:25I'm just into the whole scene.
13:27What?
13:27It's nothing personal.
13:29How could that not be personal?
13:30You just said you don't like me.
13:32I don't like you the person, but I love you the famous artist.
13:36I'm beginning to finally understand art.
13:39Our boss wants to talk to you.
13:41Could we get two iced teas?
13:42You've been killing the art racket.
13:44Our boss don't like that.
13:46I'd like a lemon wedge in mine.
13:50Excuse me.
13:51I don't believe we ordered this.
13:53That's ours.
14:05Oh, the new art piece I ordered for the conference room.
14:09Can somebody sign for this?
14:09I'll take it.
14:14There you go.
14:16That's your name?
14:18What outfit?
14:19Oh, nothing, nothing.
14:21I'll see you.
14:25Oh, thank you.
14:26I was having no small difficulty breathing.
14:29A shuck?
14:30Hello.
14:31Don't talk to the art.
14:31Now, where were we?
14:33Oh, yeah.
14:33Our nearly total domination of all worldwide markets.
14:38How about the Amish?
14:39Are they coming around?
14:40They put up a fight, but we wore them down.
14:46I don't know about you, but I'm starting to worship this blue duck.
14:51And you know what else?
14:53We need a phone.
14:55And you know what else?
15:01The moron?
15:10I don't know about you.
15:23We got him, boss.
15:25Here's the guy who's been ruining our business.
15:28Leave us.
15:31Where am I?
15:33I am Leonardo da Vinci, head of the Five Families of Art.
15:37I have two problems with that answer.
15:39One, it's not the answer to where.
15:41And two, I'm pretty sure you died 500 years ago.
15:46I invented the helicopter, the tank, and the parachute in the 1400s.
15:51How hard do you think it was for me to invent the Fountain of Youth?
15:55I see your point.
15:56You know, you were always a great hero of mine.
15:59Is that so?
16:00Oh, yes.
16:01I've tried to model my career after yours.
16:03Engineer, inventor, artist.
16:05No, no, no, no, no.
16:07Those are all sidelines.
16:08I am, at heart, a businessman.
16:10Come here.
16:15For hundreds of years, the Five Families have run the organized art rackets, the Renaissance
16:20Boys, the Impressionists, the Abstracts, the Surrealists, and the Postmodernists.
16:27It all makes sense now.
16:29You're the ones who decide which paintings are worth 50 million dollars and which ones are
16:34put on decorative plates.
16:35Until you came along with your vabbid blue duck, you put a crimp in our business.
16:42Unfortunately, it would be imprudent for us to allow that situation to continue.
16:47It's too late to stop it now.
16:49The blue duck is everywhere.
16:51There is only one thing that can kill great art.
16:54The Taint of Uncoolness.
17:01Take your pardon.
17:02Sorry.
17:02Oh, oh, oh.
17:03Gangway.
17:05Watch out.
17:06Big load.
17:08That'll clean right up with a little salsa water.
17:10Pardon me.
17:11You have huge feet for a woman.
17:14Here we go.
17:18Whoa.
17:19We got a babe shot on camera, too.
17:22Okay, go to camera, too.
17:24Did you see that?
17:30Blue ducks, roll.
17:31Oh!
17:32Oh!
17:33I had to take you!
17:39Ooh!
17:41Ooh!
17:42Ah!
17:43Ah!
17:46Ah!
17:48Ah!
17:49Ah!
17:51Eww!
17:52Eww!
17:53Hot stuff!
17:54Shh!
17:55Hey!
17:56Hey!
17:57Ah!
17:59Ah!
18:26I still want to fall.
18:29We don't know why, but sales of the Blue Duck product line have taken a plunge.
18:35Art can be so unpredictable.
18:37For some reason, the Blue Duck is no longer cool.
18:40Traditional paintings are selling for millions of dollars again.
18:44It's a crime.
18:45It's as if the art world were organized.
18:47So, Dilbert, what do you have for us next?
18:50Next? I hadn't really given it much thought.
18:53Eh, that's what I thought. Pay up!
18:57So, anyway, the marketing department has come up with a spin-off of the Blue Duck concept that they call
19:03the Light Blue Duck.
19:07But we already know the public doesn't want that.
19:09You're confusing the Light Blue Duck with the regular Blue Duck.
19:15Not to worry. It's a common mistake.
19:17But don't you see? That's the point. They're the same thing.
19:20Dilbert, the key to marketing is doing whatever you did before, even when you know it won't work.
19:27That way, no one tries to second-guess you.
19:30But is that the key to art? Is it just a popularity contest? Or is it the transmission of one
19:36soul's innermost essence to another?
19:39Art is meant to be an unconstrained expression of the inexpressible.
19:43It's our way of telling each other things we feel, but are unable to put into words.
19:48It is, ultimately, the only real way of sharing who we really are with the rest of the world.
19:53Sorry, I lost you after butt.
19:56You've got some nerve talking to us that way.
19:59Is that Dilbert speaking or his muse?
20:02What's the difference?
20:04If it's you, I can belittle and ridicule you.
20:06If it's your muse, I'll have to look it up and see what it actually means.
20:10It's my muse.
20:11Damn!
20:30I guess I just don't get it.
20:32It's all about branding.
20:34Do people really know good from bad?
20:36Of course not.
20:37But they know Picasso's signature.
20:39If he was around today, he'd be making underwear, too.
20:42But is that art?
20:43Isn't art supposed to be something that satisfies some yearning for truth and beauty?
20:48Eh, not anymore.
20:49Once a soup can became art, all the rules went out the window.
20:52It's not the art, it's the logo.
20:55Like these socks.
20:57Well, I guess somehow that's a disappointment to me.
21:00I hope the mystery of art would reveal itself.
21:03Perhaps it will.
21:05Those t-shirts reveal the mystery of truth and beauty themselves.
21:10As undergarments for our soul, they express our deep longing for tactile stimulation,
21:15hidden beneath our starched collars and coarse fabrics.
21:19Wow!
21:21Perfectly, father, study of humor!
21:23And you sands like econokal á»’!
21:49It's easy to
21:51You
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