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00:16Do you think normal people pack suitcases this way?
00:18I'm an engineer, not a normal person.
00:20That's a lot of clothes just to visit a sweatshop in Elbonia.
00:23It's not a sweatshop.
00:24It's our overseas manufacturing facility.
00:27Look at the company newsletter.
00:30See? They're all smiling.
00:32And your assignment is to make them stop?
00:34If you must know, my team's being sent there to oversee quality control on the production of my pride and
00:39joy, the Gruntmaster 6000.
00:42Well, while you're there, maybe you can help them develop a written language.
00:45You're living in the past, my furry friend.
00:47Capitalism has transformed Elbonia.
00:50The economy is burgeoning.
00:51Nothing like slave labor to perk up the economy.
00:57They're making many advances.
01:00For instance, did you realize the leading cause of death in Elbonia is no longer Black Plague?
01:06Oh, really? What is?
01:09Here we go. It's...
01:11Self-inflicted gunshot wounds?
01:14Must be a typo.
01:20Excuse me.
01:24What are you doing?
01:25I'm rattling the cans. People expect it.
01:28Can I ask you a question?
01:30As long as it's refuse-related.
01:32Oh, it is.
01:33What are the odds that Dilber can visit a factory in Elbonia and return alive?
01:37Oh, I'd say 73 to 1 against.
01:4090 to 1 if he flies on Elbonia Airlines.
01:44300 to 1 if he uses the bathroom in the plane.
01:46That's about what I figured.
01:48Dilbert's only hope is to remain objective and ignore the plight of the Elbonian people.
01:52If he or any member of his team gets involved in their internal affairs or culture,
01:57Well, I'd rather not think about it.
02:02That's a problem. He likes to fix things.
02:06Well, in that case, you'll need the help of someone who's incapable of sympathy.
02:10Someone so cynical that the suffering of others is nothing but a source of cheap entertainment.
02:14All right, I'll go.
02:16I have something that might help you.
02:20Here.
02:26By the way, what's the weather like in Elbonia this time of year?
02:30Why are you so suddenly interested in Elbonia?
02:33Oh, I have my reasons.
02:37A license to kill.
02:39It's better.
02:40You can steal, too.
02:56$9,000.
02:57$9,000.
02:58$9,000.
03:00$9,000.
03:12$1,000.
03:24$4,000.
03:25$98,000.
03:26Whoa-ho-ho!
03:57Elbonians enjoy skiing all year round, except when they're sipping hot toddies at the chalet.
04:05Cheers! Then it surfs up along one of Elbonia's many pristine beaches. Awesome, dude!
04:13You'll find five of the seven great wonders of the world, all within easy access by shuttle bus.
04:20And when you're done, the whole family can relax at our world-famous casinos.
04:25And don't forget mud wrestling. Hey, no fightin' dirty! In Elbonia, we never close.
04:32And so, from sunny, snowy, culturally enriched Elbonia, we bid you ta-ta!
04:39That's Elbonian for ta-ta!
04:42How the heck does this thing work? Where's the needle?
04:46There is no needle.
04:48No wonder I can't turn it off!
04:53Yes. He's not here.
04:56Was it for me?
04:57No.
04:58Are you sure Elbonia is the best place to take my vacation?
05:01Have I ever lied to you? And later been detected?
05:05When I went to Mexico, you told me to drink as much of the water as I could!
05:08That's the exception that proves the rule.
05:11That's what that is.
05:12I'll book your flight to Elbonia.
05:14Thank you!
05:15When you get there, remember to wear lots of jewelry and walk around alone at night.
05:31Isn't this exciting?
05:33I said, isn't this exciting?
05:35I couldn't hear you. I was listening to the audio program. The sound of screaming.
05:44I don't know why it takes three of us to inspect one Elbonian factory.
05:48We're a team. Besides, I thought you liked getting out of the office.
05:52You don't know me as well as you think.
05:54This is the first time I've ever flown first class. Kind of spoils you.
05:58I feel sorry for those people in coach.
06:04I wonder what the movie is.
06:17That is our notorious prison of no escape.
06:22And that is our world-famous health spa.
06:27I don't know why, but I feel a mystical connection to this place.
06:32Mmm! Mud pie! Good!
06:44The mud is calling me.
06:46I'll see you later.
06:49We're here!
06:55Where?
06:56Welcome to the Hotel Elbonia.
07:10Sorry, you can't park there.
07:12Diplomatic immunity, my friend.
07:15Now tear up the ticket.
07:17Now eat it.
07:20Now regurgitate it.
07:22Good.
07:23Wow! Just because you're a diplomat, you can park anywhere you want?
07:26That's nothing.
07:28Watch this.
07:29Gun.
07:37Now dance for your diplomat.
07:39Dance!
07:43Now river dance.
07:49When did you become the diplomat to Elbonia?
07:51I was the only one who applied for the job.
07:53This isn't exactly Monaco.
07:55Diplomatic immunity!
08:03With all due respect, the natives in my country are a primitive and superstitious people.
08:09They believe that every time you take their picture, you take their soul.
08:15Gotcha!
08:15Smile!
08:16What did I just tell you?
08:19Hey!
08:19Hi!
08:21What an odd-looking people.
08:23It's us!
08:24From work!
08:25Remember?
08:25If only I spoke your language.
08:27Do you know where the pool is?
08:29The pool?
08:31Swimmy swimmy?
08:33Ignorant wogs.
08:39Wow!
08:40The Gruntmaster 6000.
08:43That's the first one off the assembly line.
08:47My prototype!
08:49Oh!
08:53And this is where we house the generators that power the factory.
08:59As you can see, incentive programs motivate our workers to foot-fork their best
09:04efforts.
09:05Why don't they get off the bicycles and walk around to get the pork chop?
09:09Shut up!
09:10That's crazy talk!
09:11Don't listen to her!
09:14These working conditions are appalling!
09:17Our appalling working conditions are second to none.
09:21And over here is where the main housing for the Gruntmaster is forged.
09:31Shouldn't there be a guardrail around that?
09:35What is this?
09:37An amusement park?
09:38Hey, you stupid lazy lefties!
09:40Show's over!
09:41Back to work!
09:43Lefties?
09:44Yes, of course.
09:45That's all they're good for.
09:46If it wasn't for the right man, these lefties would have nothing.
09:50They'd still be sitting in the mud.
09:52Right people founded this country.
09:55We built this country up from small mud hole to a gigantic mud hole.
09:59We made this country what it is!
10:01God bless!
10:02Right!
10:03El Bonia!
10:04So where do all the right people work?
10:06In management.
10:09And this is where the Gruntmaster is actually assembled.
10:23As you can see, our daycare facilities are second to none.
10:32You can't put babies to work on an assembly line!
10:36These are not babies!
10:38They're toddlers!
10:39Oh, you're coming home with me!
10:43I didn't know you wanted children, Alice.
10:45I didn't!
10:46Until this moment!
10:48How about now?
10:52Are those people dead?
10:53Technically, yes.
10:55But that's no excuse!
10:56Get to work, you lazy corpse!
10:59I've never seen anything so barbaric!
11:02How can the lefties tolerate it?
11:04We have an excellent benefits plan.
11:06Like what?
11:06If you die, you get time off to attend your funeral.
11:09That's it?
11:10And the salary of five Grubniks a month.
11:12That's less than a penny.
11:13I beg your pardon.
11:14It's much less than a penny.
11:17Our motto is that work is its own reward.
11:20Hyah!
11:31Here you go, little fella.
11:32Open wide!
11:39We've got to do something about the factory conditions.
11:42I'd love to help, but I've got a baby to take care of.
11:46All right, I just don't want to, okay?
11:48So, as I was saying, Your Excellency,
11:50we're very proud to have the Gruntmaster built in Albania,
11:53but the working conditions in the factory are abysmal.
11:56A what?
11:57Abysmal.
11:58I've never heard of that word.
12:00Unconscionable?
12:01No.
12:02Heinous?
12:03Mm-mm.
12:09What?
12:11You seem to lean left, my friend.
12:20Check, please.
12:21Check, please.
12:33The ancient barrier lumps are closed.
12:35I'm not here for the tour.
12:36I'm looting.
12:38Diplomatic immunity.
12:40Oh.
12:41Have a nice day.
12:46I can't believe no one wanted this job.
12:48It rained for forty days and forty nights,
12:52and then, naturally, there was a ton of mud.
12:55And that's the story of Noah's Mud.
12:59Tomorrow, Adam and Eve and the Garden of Mud.
13:02Wally, I need your help.
13:05Old helpful Wally doesn't exist anymore, Dilbert.
13:07This is my life now, Dilbert.
13:10I am one with the mud.
13:12I am the mud.
13:14The mud is me.
13:15I'm naked, and I'm muddy, and I'm Wally, and it's all the same.
13:20From mud I came, and to mud I have returned.
13:23You came from mud?
13:25I don't know. Whatever.
13:26Wally, you can't spend your life in the mud.
13:29Surrender to the Albanian mud, Dilbert.
13:31There's no right and wrong.
13:33Just shades of brown.
13:38Have you filled out the forms?
13:40Yes.
13:46Uh-oh.
13:47What?
13:48It says here that you are right-handed.
13:50So?
13:50The official Albanian adoption policy
13:53does not permit mixed-arm preference adoptions.
13:55It is not fair to the child.
13:57I switch hit and softball.
13:58Let's hope that's enough.
14:03Now, fill this out.
14:18Hey.
14:19Don't mind me.
14:20We are the Albanian left-handed liberation front
14:22and slow-pitch softball team.
14:24Maybe we should talk.
14:25I think that's what we're doing.
14:28I mean we should talk about your working conditions.
14:30We can talk during the break.
14:32When's that?
14:36There it is.
14:37How can you work like this?
14:39Why don't you demand better working conditions?
14:41What can we do?
14:42The world is stacked against the left-handed people.
14:45The books are right-handed.
14:46The staplers are right-handed.
14:47The desks, tape, bottles, phones.
14:49I'm pretty sure you can use any of those things with either hand.
14:52That's what they want you to think.
14:54You know, if you're going to change anything, you're going to have to organize.
14:59Now you've lost us.
15:00You know, form a union.
15:02It's called collective bargaining.
15:03If your demands aren't met, you...
15:05Forget about them?
15:06No.
15:07You strike.
15:08You refuse to work until you get better conditions.
15:14We'll do it.
15:15We'll follow your leadership and strike.
15:18And when the righties execute you, we will make small plastic statues in your likeness.
15:23Look at them.
15:24Look at them slaving away like pack mules.
15:26This will make a great shot.
15:28Hey!
15:29Everybody!
15:29Wave at the camera!
15:42Okay!
15:43You know, I'm standing right in front of you.
15:46Okay?
15:47Here's my final offer.
15:49Designated smoke breaks for anyone who catches fire.
15:52Take it or leave it.
15:53That's an insult.
15:54These people are dedicated, committed, serious.
15:58They're not going to cave in no matter how much pressure is brought to bear.
16:01They will not return to work until their demands are met.
16:05Arrest him!
16:06Okay, back to work.
16:13You will be read your rights, given a fair trial, then executed.
16:18On second thought, since we have no rights and we have no courts, let's go to the execution.
16:23Bob?
16:23Yes, Excellency.
16:25They're ready.
16:27They aim.
16:28Fire!
16:40The execution of Dilbert will continue after these messages.
16:45Hello.
16:46Every day, Elbonian babies go completely unshaven simply because they are left-handed.
16:51Won't you please?
16:52Stop it!
16:54Stop it!
16:55Cute, aren't they?
16:58Our only one Grubnick a day.
17:01Let me see that.
17:02There!
17:03Now it's gone forever!
17:09That's it!
17:10You're on your own!
17:11Um, send your Grubnicks to Shave the Children, P.O. Box 6, Elbonia.
17:17Remember, a child is-
17:19Ah, shut up!
17:21The old ways are the best ways.
17:24Okay, Dilbert, this time we're ready for you.
17:28No tricks.
17:29No one survives the giant mud ball.
17:33I did.
17:34Shut up!
17:35Move it.
17:36Out of the way.
17:37Diplomat coming.
17:38License to kill.
17:41Diplomatic immunity.
17:43That's right.
17:44Now give me your clothes.
17:45Bam!
17:46As the new dictator of Elbonia, I've decided to make a few changes around here.
17:51And make no mistake about it, these are changes for change's sake.
17:55He's free, and all the workers' demands are hereby met.
18:00Yeah!
18:05Yeah!
18:06We're free! Free at last!
18:09Ah, sweet freedom!
18:19Good to see you.
18:22Come right in.
18:24Right this way.
18:26Hey, welcome. Come on in.
18:28Good to-
18:34Hey, what's going on?
18:36Why is everyone leaving? You just got here.
18:37The factory's automated. They don't need us now. We've been downsized.
18:42To how many?
18:43One.
18:47Um, can somebody show me how to whack this thing?
18:51And then Lot's wife looked back and zap, she turned into a pile of mud.
18:56The man is a genius, a visionary. I have to get a picture.
19:00Say cheese!
19:05That's a keeper.
19:22Thank you for saving my life, even though it wasn't in danger.
19:25I just couldn't picture you as the official martyr of Elbonia.
19:29I was only trying to do the right thing.
19:31A misguided exercise at best.
19:36What are you doing?
19:37I'm taking the mud.
19:38Why?
19:39Because I've taken everything else.
19:40That's cruel.
19:41No, that's diplomacy.
19:43Let my friend Henry here explain it to you.
19:45Hello, Dilbert. In the world of real politic, you must see that the infrastructure of Elbonia was built on mud.
19:52In a global economy, this is the equivalent of economic suicide.
19:56Thus, in order to save Elbonia, it must be demudded.
20:00Dogbert was doing the only logical thing.
20:03Oh, of course. Now I see.
20:05You do?
20:06Yes.
20:07I don't even know what I'm talking about, but for some reason it drives the chicks wild when I talk
20:12this way.
20:15Oh, great mud man, how do you explain this? Is it a sign from above?
20:21More like a sign from below.
20:24Frickin' little mud boy.
20:28Here I am, buying trinkets from one of the native merchants.
20:32Here I am, relaxing by the pool with some of the natives.
20:35Here I am, flying home, accompanied by a group of vacationing Elbonians.
20:40And here I am, back at work.
20:43By the way, I'm pleased to announce that the production of the Gruntmaster in Elbonia has far exceeded our expectations.
20:50We can officially now classify Elbonia no longer a poverty-stricken fourth world country, but a poverty-stricken three and
20:59three quarter world country.
21:00It is my fervent hope to someday visit this exotic land.
21:09Aye.
21:14Hello, I'm Dogbert, and welcome to Las Elbonia, where gambling and prostitution isn't just legal, it's mandatory.
21:21And this week only, at the Caesar's Elbonia, the song stylings of Henry Kissinger.
21:26Viva Las Elbonia! Viva Las Elbonia! Viva, viva Las Elbonia!
21:39Yee-ha!
21:41Ha!
21:42Ha!
21:43Ha!
21:44Ha!
21:44Oh,
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