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00:08PYRAMIDS
00:08Push the button and see how a giant meteor caused the extinction of the dinosaurs.
00:16Until this moment, I had trouble visualizing it.
00:22If aliens help build the pyramids, where are they now? Did they just leave?
00:31Ah, you know what they say. History is written by the winners.
00:38Let me out of this damn thing! Please, someone!
00:43Push the button to simulate the storm that brought Amelia Earhart's plane down.
00:50No! Not again! Oh, God! Make it stop!
00:57It looks very realistic. You don't think that's the real Amelia Earhart, do you?
01:01Yes, I think the museum found her on an island and put her in this exhibit.
01:04Same thing happened to King Kong. It's not that unusual.
01:07Come on. All right.
01:14Above you are the billions of stars that make up our universe, or so we used to think.
01:19We now know those lights are an armada of alien ships coming to destroy the Earth. Are there any questions?
01:23Yeah. What's a black hole?
01:26Well, my career would be one example. Any other questions?
01:30Better not ask him anything about Uranus.
01:32I think I've seen enough.
01:33There's only so much learning you can pack into one day.
01:47Godfounded little dog! Somebody help me for mercy's sake!
01:53Godfounded little dog!
02:03Good day!
02:04Pone-to-toe, Pone-toe, Pone-toe, Pone-toe...
02:13What's interesting?
02:25Hey!
03:13THE END
03:15I have shortcuts
03:16Shortcuts? What possible shortcuts would let one person handle the whole
03:21Well, maybe we'll pick this conversation up later
03:35So, tell me more about the many, many ways in which the Stuntmaster 6000 can give me the workout of
03:43a lifetime
03:48Keep rolling, keep rolling
03:50Uh-huh
03:53Four easy payments of money will order yours today
03:57I'm losing consciousness
04:00And yet I'm still aroused
04:09Input, people, input
04:11But remember, it's already in the can and we can't change it
04:13If I may use a sports analogy, you really hit the goalpost on that one
04:17Yes, I guess I did
04:19I watched it only once
04:21And already I want to date that model and suffer a head trauma
04:24Why, thank you, Loud Howard
04:26You humble me
04:28I've said it before and I'll say it again
04:31What?
04:32That's as far as I ever get
04:34Dilbert, you seem strangely silent
04:37Shall I interpret that as a sign of deep respect and, dare I say, awe?
04:41Yes, you could interpret it that way
04:44Well, I'm blushing now
04:46But I can't help wondering, aren't we getting ahead of ourselves with the infomercial?
04:50We haven't even tested the new version of the Gruntmaster 6000
04:53We're doing that now
04:54We're sending it to a typical family for consumer field testing
04:57That's impossible
04:59There's only one version of the new Gruntmaster in existence
05:02And it's sitting in my design lab
05:07That thing's not ready for human testing
05:10We haven't even lab tested the technology
05:12Oh, calm down
05:14We'll do that after
05:15The graviton generator alone is very sensitive
05:18The graviton generator alone is very sensitive
05:21Quit your whining, missy
05:24I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?
05:27If anyone were foolish enough to build a graviton generator
05:32It would surely create a black hole
05:34That would annihilate the entire solar system
05:37Well, I don't know what's the worst thing that could happen
05:40But when you start distorting the fabric of space and time
05:43Stretching and unfolding upon itself
05:50Nice try, but I don't think you bored him quite to death
05:53Excellent, Dupid
05:54Nice going, Dupid
05:55Just great
05:55That was good
05:56Camp town ladies, sing this song
05:58Do-da, do-da
06:01What are you waiting for, ladies?
06:02Start singing
06:02Carol said since he hit his head
06:04He's been talking in his sleep
06:06Come on, let's get out of here before he wakes up
06:08Wait, let's just hear what he says next
06:11Boom!
06:13Cooked by explosion
06:14When you walk through a storm
06:18Hold your head up high
06:21Then you'll trip and fall on your ass in the mud
06:25Is that smoke?
06:27Wally, what are you doing?
06:29Well, I wanted to make some popcorn
06:30But somebody was using the microwave
06:32And the printer has that heater thing in it
06:34That makes the paper warm
06:40Cooked by explosion
06:41Didn't the boss say that?
06:43Yeah, but he was just babbling
06:44Or was he?
06:45What are you saying?
06:46That he predicted this would happen?
06:48I don't know, am I?
06:49Predicting the future is impossible
06:51Is it?
06:52Yes, it violates causality
06:54There is no way to know something will occur until it occurs
06:57Or is there?
06:59If you don't stop asking rhetorical questions, I'm going to kill you
07:02Are you?
07:04On the other hand, it'd be a pretty big coincidence
07:06If the boss just happened to mention an explosion right before it happened
07:11Alice, I think he's dead
07:15Oh man, I was in the tunnel
07:17I neglected to mention the one glitch with the infomercial
07:22We have to do it all over
07:24I had to fire the babe
07:26Why?
07:27Depends whose story you believe
07:28Mine or the truth
07:30I feel like I've seen this popcorn before
07:32This might be a case of deja food
07:39I can't believe it
07:40I can't believe they sent the grunt master out to some defenseless family for testing
07:45Do you realize the potential for disaster?
07:48Do you realize...
07:50The mute button only works on the TV
07:52It was worth a shot
07:54We didn't even have the instruction manual written yet
07:57That graviton generator is a bit unpredictable
08:00I only hope and pray they found a smart family to test that thing
08:04Otherwise we may be in grave trouble
08:15Eat your possum, Dorian, or you ain't getting another one
08:19That ain't no possum, Pa
08:20That's a raccoon
08:22It just looks like a raccoon because of the tire marks
08:27I believe there's been some mistake
08:29I forgive you all
08:30And now I must bid you all adieu
08:34You better hurry up and run him over again
08:36Are you sassing me, young'un?
08:38I got half a mind
08:39You say you got half a mind
08:41You mind your manners, Lucas
08:43Or the baby Jesus will come down here right now
08:46And beat the living tar out of y'all
08:47I ain't afraid of no baby Jesus
08:50Bring him on
08:51I'll bring him on
08:52You let a whipper snap her
08:53Hell do you whipper
08:54He won't neither
08:55Quiet
08:59Get the gun
09:09Morons
09:12I told you this was stop
09:14And this was keep going
09:23Pardon me, boy
09:24Is that the Chattanooga-choo-choo?
09:27I apologize
09:27Pardon me, sir
09:29Track 29?
09:30Thank you very much
09:31Dilbert, this is stupid
09:32He's been talking nonsense for years
09:34And no one thought he was psychic before
09:35The only difference now is he has his eyes closed
09:37Squiddler's patch
09:39The darkness engulfs us
09:42The hole, the hole in space, in time
09:45The void, the abyss
09:47From which no light escapes
09:49From which no life escapes
09:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, he, he, he, he
09:54Little brown jug, oh, you're for me
09:55Fiddle-dee-dumb and fiddle-dee-dee
09:57Little brown jug, oh, you're for me
09:59As long as it's filled with plenty of booze
10:02Let's see what the Skeptic Society has to say about this
10:11I assume this is Alice
10:13The woman I met at the Skeptic Society dinner
10:15How did you do that?
10:17That's incredible
10:20A magician never gives away his secret
10:22Well, the reason I called
10:24Is because you want me to debunk your boss's alleged psychic claims
10:30Wow
10:31At least tell me how you did that one
10:33Da-da-da-da-da
10:34Wish I could
10:35All right
10:35So when can you get here?
10:40Are you telling me that was a trick too?
10:43Yes, Alice
10:43A good magician can duplicate any trick done by a so-called psychic or mentalist
10:49For example, watch this
10:55Huh?
10:56Ah!
10:57Down, down, down
10:58Whoops
11:02Lucas, if you break it
11:03The baby Jesus will take you to hell
11:05And burn you like a pork chop for eternity
11:13What the?
11:14I never see
11:15Lordy
11:16That don't look right
11:22You've just been listening to a song
11:23I was on the phone
11:25So I have no idea what it was
11:26Now the news
11:27We take you to our sister station
11:29K, that's all we could think of
11:30Squidler's Patch, Texas
11:37Oh my God
11:38My worst fear has come true
11:40You mean a pregnant spider crawled up your nose while you were sleeping and laid eggs in your head?
11:45Okay, my second worst fear
11:46That you'll destroy the world with one of your inventions?
11:49Yes
11:50Dogbert, we've got to go to Squidler's Patch immediately
11:58I dream of Jeannie with the light yellow hair floating like a vapor in the soft summer air
12:12Whoa, that's no vapor
12:16Wally, don't tell me you've bought into this scam
12:18It's my ultimate fantasy
12:20Everyone is bald and poorly dressed
12:22And if you hadn't noticed, no one is doing anything that looks like work
12:26It's utopia
12:29Not for long
12:30I brought a world famous skeptic to debunk that fraud
12:34Wally, meet the amazing Rudolph
12:37Please, call me thee
12:41I don't do that
12:42Forget the chit-chat, get to work
12:46People, I am the amazing Rudolph
12:49And I will show you how easily a skilled magician can reproduce any of these so-called psychic tricks
13:03Whoops
13:04He's a witch!
13:06No, just a skilled illusionist
13:08That is my point
13:10If you're just an illusionist, tell us how you made the bird appear
13:13A magician never reveals his tricks
13:15I'm bound by the magician's code of ethics
13:18Well, that's awfully convenient, isn't it?
13:20That sounds like something a witch would say
13:22Kill the witch!
13:26She was the daughter of Rosie O'Grady
13:30A regular old-fashioned gal
13:33With one important distinction
13:35Listen, he wants us to go to Texas and throw the witch in the black hole
13:42He didn't say that
13:43I know, but I've always wanted to go to Texas
13:50People, I can't give away my trade secrets, but perhaps I can give you a hint
14:00All right, I'll tell you, I'll tell you everything
14:03Nah, forget it
14:04Now we'd rather throw you in the hole
14:06Come on, ain't got all day
14:26That's a good sign
14:28I heard you can tell a place is okay if the truckers eat there
14:38I guess scuse me just ain't gonna cut it
14:40No
14:45So, what can I get you fellers to swallow?
14:48Could we see a menu?
14:50This ain't Paris, boy
14:51Okay
14:52Give us two of whatever you've touched the least
14:55Two soaps
14:57Make that one
15:00Hey, what's happening to my cup?
15:03Hey, what the?
15:12Hey, Eustace, what's making everything all stretchy?
15:16I ain't paying for this here gas
15:20I'd say Squidler's Patch is that-a-way
15:29I'll meet you at the black hole
15:30I think we need some help
15:45Professor Stephen Hawking, please
15:48Sign here, if you would
15:52Thank you
15:53Send up Professor Hawking straight away
15:56Here he comes
15:58Here you are
16:00One Nobel Prize-winning Lucchazian Professor of Mathematics
16:03Expert on all astrophysical phenomena
16:06And black holes in particular
16:07Hello, dog bird
16:09Hey, Steve
16:10Will there be anything else?
16:12How do I move him around?
16:13Oh, terribly sorry
16:15Just use this
16:40I'll answer any engineering or scientific questions about the black hole phenomenon
16:45Has anyone famous ever had sexual relations near a black hole?
16:50Not that I know of
16:52Then you don't deny that someone famous has had sexual relations near a black hole
16:57Does anyone have a question about the science?
17:01There's nothing here
17:26Wow, you're Stephen Hawking
17:29I read your book
17:30Did you buy it or read it in the library?
17:33I think I borrowed it
17:35You cheap bastard
17:36Boys, please
17:38Can we focus on this black hole problem?
17:40There is no rush
17:41As long as nothing disturbs the singularity
17:44The hole will grow very slowly
17:53We're screwed
17:54Come on, Wally
17:55Dance with us
17:56I don't hold hands
17:58I'm only in it for fashion reasons
18:00Come on
18:02Wow, I've never felt so alive
18:12Check that
18:15Wally
18:17Wally is gone
18:18Don't thank me
18:20Thank the black hole
18:22Someone must go into the singularity
18:25And stop whatever caused the black hole in the first place
18:28It's a simple case of wormhole travel
18:31Using a shortcut in space-time
18:34Will you listen?
18:35You pick up a few things
18:37But he was my friend
18:38It's all my fault
18:39I caused this to happen
18:41I'm going in after him
18:47Isn't anyone gonna stop me?
18:54Just let me get my breath
18:55This is a big step
18:56Lots of unknowns
18:59Peril beyond belief
19:01One small step further
19:06Tilbert
19:07You seem strangely silent
19:10Shall I interpret that as a sign of deep respect
19:12And dare I say awe?
19:15Yes, you could interpret it that way
19:17I'm blushing now
19:19But I can't help wondering
19:21Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves with the infomercial?
19:23We haven't even tested the new version of the Gruntmaster 6000
19:26We're doing that now
19:28We're sending it to a typical family for consumer field testing
19:31That's impossible
19:32There's only one
19:34It's in my
19:35Would you excuse me?
19:59Yes, the door's locked?
20:03Oh, well, in that case
20:09Shine on, shine on
20:11Harvest moon
20:12Up in the sky
20:15I ain't had no lovin' since
20:18January 30th, 1955
20:26And the barber's daughter says
20:28I see you fed my cat
20:31R-E-R-R
20:33Hey, what's so funny?
20:35Nothing
20:35Is it garbage day again?
20:38It's always garbage day somewhere
20:41Professor Hawking?
20:43What are you doing here?
20:44Isn't this several thousand miles out of your way?
20:48Actually, it's a shortcut
20:50A shortcut?
20:51My street is a shortcut?
20:53To England?
20:54Yes
20:55Will somebody explain to me what's going on?
20:58No
21:00Hey, I've got a copy of your book in my trunk
21:04Would you mind signing it?
21:05I already signed it
21:07No, you didn't
21:08It's locked in my trunk
21:09I'll wager five dollars
21:11If I already signed it
21:14You're on
21:40The joke's on him
21:41He'll never be able to collect the five
21:47You didn't really think you'd win a bet
21:49With a Nobel Prize winning
21:51Lucchazian professor of mathematics
21:53At least I didn't pay for his stupid book
22:06I don't think he had a clue about it
22:06I don't know
22:13I don't know
22:14I don't see
22:14That興主stracean
22:14been able to collect it It's haunted
22:15by myself James Actually,
22:15haunted by myself The time of heaven
22:15Tonight This isND
22:15I
22:15don't know
22:15by
22:15myself It's haunted by
22:20myself Frant Mr.
22:24haunted by
22:24myself It's haunted by
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