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00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:25There.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:33Hello! Thank you!
00:35Welcome to Taskmaster, a set of challenges presided over
00:38by a temperamental dictator.
00:40It's a sort of upbeat North Korea.
00:42And I'm Kim Yong-Fung.
00:49Let's meet our citizens for the first time.
00:52They are...
00:53Anya Magliano!
00:56Maisie Adam!
00:58Who that is?
01:00Reece Shearsmith!
01:02And Sanjay Bhaskar!
01:07And next to me, a man who I once thought I saw
01:10riding on the back of a baby elephant with a tiny trunk
01:13to discover he simply had no trousers on.
01:18It's...
01:19little Alex Horne!
01:23APPLAUSE
01:25Yeah.
01:27Hello, everyone. It's lovely to be here. It's lovely to see you, Greg.
01:29I actually think you're great.
01:30Thanks.
01:31Thanks, man.
01:32But I do think I can help.
01:34With a couple of enhancements.
01:36On the count of three, would you mind smiling?
01:38One, two, three.
01:39No!
01:41No?
01:43I can do a couple of these.
01:46How about doing a nice big blink to camera?
01:48A blink?
01:49A blink.
01:50One, two, three.
01:51SNARE
01:52SNARE
01:53SNARE
01:54SNARE
01:55SNARE
01:56SNARE
01:57DRUM
01:58Open your mouth.
01:59One, two, three.
02:00Yeah?
02:01Yeah.
02:02By your standards, not bad.
02:05OK, here we go.
02:06What's the first prize task of this series, little Alex Horne?
02:10Well, my guy, today you asked them quite specifically to bring in
02:14a very soft thing which would be most beneficial for Greg Davis.
02:19OK, so the very soft thing Greg thinks he'd find most beneficial
02:22will get the full five points, then the winner of the episode
02:25will take home all five very soft things,
02:27even though they're intended to benefit Greg.
02:28But Greg won't mind as it's bound to be a great big bunch of crap.
02:32Thanks very much.
02:34Over and out.
02:35OK, Anya, welcome.
02:38What soft thing did you bring me?
02:40I brought you a bum cushion.
02:42OK.
02:47It doesn't look unlike my bum.
02:51So I made it extra soft because I added some cat hair on it.
02:55From my cats, Chicken and Rickon.
02:57Chicken and Rickon.
02:58Now, the problem for you and your bald cats is I am profoundly
03:02allergic to cats.
03:06What I will say is this, at least you've made an effort.
03:08The people I get angry with are the people who haven't made an effort.
03:11Yeah, when we got them spayed, I said, can I keep the hair?
03:15Because they had to shave some of them to put like an injection in.
03:18Oh, that's lovely.
03:19Yeah.
03:20So this hair is just before they had their wounds removed.
03:23It's from the really special zones.
03:25Ah, great.
03:26Which you might not be allergic to that.
03:29Well, I've never...
03:33I've never put that to the test.
03:34But never say never.
03:36I'm sorry.
03:37Oh, sorry.
03:38Small talk.
03:40How are you?
03:41Very well, thanks, Greg.
03:42How are you?
03:43Good.
03:44What have you brought in?
03:46I've brought in a manly bonnet for you.
03:49I'm concerned about banging your head on things, what with your...
03:52Extraordinary height.
03:53Extraordinary height.
03:54Extraordinary height.
03:55Yeah.
03:56Here is Maisie's bonnet.
03:58So you've got...
04:00I didn't want you to feel emasculated by wearing a bonnet,
04:02so I've stuck loads of manly things on it.
04:04Oh, that's nice.
04:05Yeah.
04:06Barbecue on the top.
04:07Lovely.
04:08A bit of weight.
04:09Toolbox.
04:10A couple bottles of beers for the lads.
04:11Oh, yeah.
04:12My dad has a manly bonnet.
04:13I've brought in a manly bonnet for you.
04:14I'm concerned about banging your head on things, what with your...
04:16Extraordinary height.
04:17Extraordinary height.
04:18Extraordinary height.
04:19That's quite tall and he always hits the top of his head.
04:21Yeah.
04:22And it scabs over.
04:23And what better to protect it than a miniature barbecue?
04:29I really like it.
04:30Wow.
04:31You're welcome.
04:32I've got nothing negative to say and I'm not allergic to any of those things.
04:34No.
04:35Phil.
04:36What is the softest thing in the universe?
04:39And we all know that is the hands and voices of the elderly.
04:43So...
04:44So...
04:45So I thought if I just like pop these on, these elderly people's hands will...
04:50Yeah.
04:51They fit like a glove.
04:52I mean, that's perfect, innit?
04:53Yeah.
04:54So...
04:55So I thought...
04:56It's like...
04:57If you just enjoy the...
04:58If we play the cassette...
04:59Yeah, you ready...
05:00I've...
05:01Of a softly spoken elderly lady...
05:02Here is the elderly lady talking now.
05:04Hello, Greg.
05:05You're such a wonderful person.
05:08We're all so proud of you.
05:11Such a big, strong, beefy boy.
05:16Good, innit?
05:17Is that an old lady?
05:18It is an old lady, yes.
05:19Well, it's the oldest one I could find.
05:22Erm, I found it quite distressing.
05:26I think if you'd brought an old lady on, maybe it would have been more beneficial.
05:30I know.
05:31It's weird, though.
05:32No-one would come with me.
05:33Yeah.
05:34Rhys, what did you bring us?
05:36My first question is, are you allergic to feathers?
05:39I am.
05:42Right, well, moving on.
05:44Just imagine I'm not.
05:45I have created for you...
05:48..a fortune-telling raven.
05:52What did I say? That's what I was hoping for.
05:54Here is the fortune-telling raven.
06:00There it is.
06:01Every morning, we'll give you a prediction for the events of that day.
06:05Raven.
06:08Tell me my fortune.
06:12There it is, look.
06:13Pick one up for you.
06:14What's it?
06:16You will leave the iron on.
06:21Greg, you've got to leave and get home.
06:22LAUGHTER
06:24Yeah, like I iron.
06:28Christ, none of these are rubbish.
06:30You must be feeling the heat, aren't you, Sanjay?
06:32Totally.
06:33Yeah.
06:34I've gone incredibly practical.
06:36Here it is.
06:37Nice big blanket.
06:38LAUGHTER
06:39And there it is.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:42There he is.
06:43Made from...
06:44The contestant who grabbed something on his way to the show.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49It's electric.
06:51Oh!
06:52So it warms up.
06:53Wait a moment.
06:54From the finest cat...
06:55Er, sheep hair.
06:57LAUGHTER
06:58Or wool, as I believe some people call it.
07:01No, because I thought, you know, because you are tall,
07:03you feel the cold quicker than anyone else.
07:07OK.
07:08You've seen five quite soft things.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Other people have made stuff,
07:11so I have to punish you because you didn't make it.
07:13Sorry, you didn't ask me whether I made it or not.
07:15Yeah, I know, but...
07:16You made a huge assumption that I picked it up on the way here.
07:22I've been knitting and bolting that thing together.
07:25For months.
07:27Right, well, does that change things?
07:28No!
07:31The thing I want, second least,
07:32is to have latex gloves rubbed over my face.
07:38Two points to fill.
07:39Next, I want to sit on a doughnut of cat hair.
07:42Well done, Anja.
07:43Three points.
07:44And then we're up to the big two.
07:45I want the raven most.
07:47Maisie, four points.
07:48Reece, five points.
07:49There we go.
07:50I want that raven.
07:51I want that.
07:52I want that raven.
07:54Well, that's your trying start.
07:55Let's get going.
07:56What's the first task proper?
07:57You're going to love this one, Greg,
07:59because it involves your two favourite things.
08:01One, basic technology.
08:02Two.
08:03Two.
08:04Me standing next to a table looking all mysterious and macho.
08:07Hello.
08:08Oh, no, he started the clock.
08:09What did I do?
08:10Hiya.
08:11What?
08:12What?
08:13What?
08:14Why are you timing it?
08:15What?
08:16What?
08:17What?
08:18What?
08:19What?
08:20Why are you timing it?
08:21What?
08:22Hello, hello.
08:23Hi.
08:24Hello.
08:25Hello.
08:26Hello.
08:27Oh, God.
08:28Speak!
08:29Hello.
08:30What?
08:31What?
08:32What?
08:33What?
08:34What?
08:35What?
08:36What?
08:37What's the task?
08:38Well, I can't see any kind of task written down here.
08:40What?
08:41What?
08:42What?
08:43What?
08:44What?
08:45What?
08:46What?
08:47What's the task?
08:48What?
08:49What's the task?
08:50Well, I can't see any kind of task written down here.
08:53Hmm.
08:54So I'm just going to hit you with this.
08:58Is a task anywhere?
09:00Do I have to find the task?
09:01No.
09:02Are we against the clock?
09:03Yes.
09:04What do you want me to do?
09:05Is there anything different about me, Rhys?
09:07Well, you've got that on.
09:08Yeah.
09:09Do you know what it is?
09:10Yes, it's one of those things where you pay at restaurants.
09:13I don't know what you call those things.
09:18Yes, it's a QR code.
09:19QR code.
09:20That's it.
09:21Yeah.
09:22Do I have to have a phone to scan it?
09:23Mm-hmm.
09:24Unless you can do them with your eyes.
09:25I can't do them with my eyes yet.
09:27Do I need my phone?
09:28Yes.
09:31Can I not use this to scan your QR code?
09:33Have you not got one of these?
09:34No.
09:35Back in my room?
09:36Well, go and get it then.
09:37Oh, Alex!
09:38I have a phone in another room.
09:39Ah.
09:40Should I get it?
09:41I need it.
09:42OK.
09:43Have I got to look for it in this room?
09:45Your telephone.
09:46My telephone?
09:47Your telephone.
09:48Why do you keep saying telephone?
09:50My telephone.
09:51Do you have a telephone?
09:52No!
09:53Not on me.
09:54Right.
09:55Do you want me to go and get one?
09:56Where is it?
09:57My telephone.
09:58Your telephone.
09:59My telephone.
10:01What do you mean?
10:03I don't have one around me.
10:04I mean, I've got my mobile phone.
10:06Private to me.
10:07You want me to bring it into this room?
10:08Well, you need to scan that somehow.
10:10I'm going to have to go and get it, don't I?
10:11I suppose so.
10:12Sorry to argue.
10:16Share your phone!
10:17What?
10:22Clever boy.
10:23Right.
10:24I mean, it's fascinating because there's such a range of ages amongst the five of you, but my initial impression is that was like watching footage of the distressed residents in a care hut.
10:41The age range is extraordinary, this series.
10:45For the first time, it's 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and up we go.
10:48It is...
10:51I think if the staff were looking after these bunch of us, Rhys would be the one that they dread looking after.
10:58The most.
10:59You can almost hear the staff going, will you go and deal with this?
11:04He's really on one today.
11:06But when do we get our medication?
11:09There's going to be a dispatches about this and you will all be revealed, your cruelty will be revealed.
11:16I was left on the stairs last night.
11:17LAUGHTER
11:24Let's crack on.
11:25OK.
11:26It's QR versus AR.
11:28Anya and Rhys.
11:33Why don't you just...
11:35Oh, off.
11:39Sorry.
11:43Come here.
11:45No.
11:48Come here.
11:50I need to scan your test.
11:58I don't feel good about this.
12:06Ah, right.
12:08I'm there.
12:09No, no.
12:10Oh, I've got my passcode.
12:11Keep still.
12:12I don't want to keep still.
12:13Keep still.
12:14I can't go that way.
12:15You can't.
12:17I still have the dice game open on my phone.
12:22Keep still.
12:23I don't want to keep still.
12:24You've got to.
12:25I don't want to.
12:26Oh, he's back.
12:28Come here.
12:29I don't want to.
12:32Keep still.
12:33I don't want to.
12:34For God's sake.
12:36Oh, I nearly got it.
12:37I don't want to.
12:38You're alright.
12:39I don't want to.
12:40No!
12:42Honk the horn fastest wins your time started when you said your first word
12:53I've stopped the clock
13:00That was so fun I feel so alive
13:03Can we go again?
13:05I can't
13:12You look like you are genuinely enjoying running around you don't get to chase someone very often in your
13:19In your life, and you were really enjoying being chased also was yeah, it's the build-up
13:27It's actually quite slippy so I couldn't go at top speed
13:31And if I have my time again, I would go at top speed. I'm sorry. You never got to go at top speed
13:37Did you enjoy that race?
13:39Um, no, no, I found it frustrating because he wouldn't stop man. I guess that's the point. That's the point
13:46Rhys you're twice as old as Anya and twice as slow it turns out
13:50Anya 2 minutes 29 Rhys 5 minutes and 5 seconds, but she wasn't even at top speed
13:58Okay, that's the first part through but as my doctor said in a recent health screening after a break
14:04I'm gonna need to get a glove and really get amongst it
14:16The second part of the show and the second part of the series
14:21The current task is to get the horn scan the horn then honk the horn now
14:24Let's see how the final three got on. It's Maisie and Phil who both understand the concept of fastest wins plus Sanjeev Bhaskar
14:32Yeah, you are you little bugger come here. Let me smack you. I've got a QR code. Oh, he's got a big one on the back. This is brilliant
14:48Brilliant
15:00That's the end. Now. Now
15:04You little break
15:06I know how to get it. He likes music doesn't he?
15:26I've been in the wrong bloody setting now
15:28You've been in the wrong setting? I'm phoning my mother
15:34I'm still on the wrong bloody setting
15:36Oh
15:40Come on. Don't be scared. You like instruments, don't you?
15:50Alex!
15:53Fuck you. I think he's on a loop. He needs to block his path
15:58It's one of two things I can hit you with. Right. Where's your telephone?
16:09It's in my pocket. Right, how are you going to...
16:11What?
16:13Oh, bastard!
16:16Just...
16:18Sanjeev
16:20Now
16:22Say hello to the ostrich
16:24I don't want to
16:25I think I've just beheaded a gargoyle. I'm really sorry
16:34I've got him!
16:36I've got him!
16:38I've got him!
16:39Oh, shit, I'm on airplane mode!
16:41LAUGHTER
16:43Do you have to use QR codes?
16:47It's just giving me a little yellow light on it, which is not the thing
16:50Yeah, no, it is a thing
16:51Oh, is it?
16:52Yeah
16:53Stay! Still! Stay!
16:55I'm really strong, Alex
16:59Honk the horn!
17:01Honk the horn, fastest way
17:05Oh, you fast! I've honked a horn!
17:07Honk the horn!
17:08Honk the horn!
17:13I should've done this
17:14Yeah, I've done that at the bloody beginning
17:16Yeah, I've stopped with that
17:17APPLAUSE
17:24So what I wrote down to you during that is
17:27Good to see someone who knows he can't win this having fun
17:31LAUGHTER
17:33Yeah, yeah
17:34I mean, it's so early on, isn't it?
17:35And yet it's so obvious
17:36You were having the time of your life, weren't you?
17:39Come here, you little bugger
17:40I'm going to spank you
17:41LAUGHTER
17:42I didn't hear that, but OK
17:44You said that
17:45Oh, yeah, well
17:46That wasn't me saying that to you, Bill
17:48LAUGHTER
17:50And it wasn't destructive
17:52There wasn't £40 worth of damage
17:54LAUGHTER
17:56That gargoyle
17:57Yes, that gargoyle
17:59Right, OK, sorry
18:01Thank you
18:02What I will say is
18:05I'd forgotten I'd worn such big pants
18:08LAUGHTER
18:09There's nothing wrong with a big pant, my friend
18:11Well, my leggings, they didn't come in my length
18:14So they only reached round my bum
18:17You're saying your trousers were riding down?
18:19I didn't notice, did you notice?
18:21Yeah, I noticed, yeah
18:22Of course I noticed
18:24I still enjoyed watching you running around breathlessly with you
18:27I was not breathless, thank you
18:28Sorry
18:29I was firing top speed
18:31But with saggy pants, so...
18:33Sanjeev
18:34I was going at top speed
18:36LAUGHTER
18:38I wasn't holding back
18:40I wasn't holding back
18:41APPLAUSE
18:42Have you genuinely in real life had a phone for long?
18:44LAUGHTER
18:45A phone?
18:46A phone, yeah
18:47A telephone?
18:48A telephone
18:49Yes, a telephone
18:50Yes, I think, you know, in that moment
18:52I didn't know whether you wanted me to...
18:54I don't
18:55To know how to use your own phone?
18:56Yes
18:57LAUGHTER
18:58I have people who do that for me
19:00LAUGHTER
19:01Love that
19:02APPLAUSE
19:04Shall I tell you some times?
19:09Tell me some times
19:10I can't imagine any of them are good
19:12Phil
19:13Did find a horn and lure me out with another horn
19:16Wow
19:17At 1 minute 37
19:18That was his first honk of another horn
19:20We didn't say which horn he had to honk
19:22So Phil, 1.37
19:23Suddenly he's overtaken, Anya
19:24Who's lagging at 2 minutes 29
19:26So slow
19:27Rhys, 5 minutes 5
19:28Maisie, quicker
19:304 minutes 22
19:31More than twice as long as everyone else
19:33Er, Sanjeev
19:3410 minutes 16
19:35LAUGHTER
19:36APPLAUSE
19:37However
19:40There's also one extra video to watch
19:43Ooh
19:45Hiya
19:46What?
19:47What?
19:48What?
19:49Why are you timing it?
19:50What?
19:51BING BING
19:52APPLAUSE
19:54APPLAUSE
19:56APPLAUSE
19:58And what's amazing is we literally didn't need to show any of that footage of your trousers falling down
20:10It is 1 point Sanjeev, 2 to Reith, 3 to Anya, 4 to Phil and 5 to Maisie Adams
20:15APPLAUSE
20:16Shall we see our first scoreboard, Jim Trellamalat?
20:21Of course
20:22At one end, consistency himself
20:23Sanjeev's got 2 points
20:24At the other, Maisie's got 9 points
20:26CHEERING
20:27Right, what's next with Lalitone?
20:32Ooh, well, it's time to task with a target
20:34We've found a big space, we've got some big balls, we're going to have some big fun
20:38MUSIC
20:52Do you know what I'm doing?
20:58Max Schreck as Nosferatu
21:00I thought you looked like a penguin
21:021921 classic
21:04Looks like a penguin
21:06LAUGHTER
21:10You're quite far away
21:11So are you
21:16Roll an object onto the target
21:18You must release your object from behind this line
21:22You may not move the line or target
21:25And you may not affect your object after release
21:29You must use the first type of object you touch
21:32And can have three attempts with that type of object
21:35And must not go within Greg's height of the target
21:44What?
21:45Closest to the centre of the target wins
21:48You have 15 minutes
21:50Your time starts now
21:52What?
21:53How do I know how tall Greg is?
21:55Lying down
21:56Or standing up
21:57Or...
21:58Ah...
21:59APPLAUSE
22:01And is there is a game of curling?
22:04Ah, well, we invented it, but yeah
22:05Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
22:06Right, well, let's crack on
22:07OK, well, it's a tricky task
22:08But there's 15 minutes
22:09So plenty of time to plan, etc
22:10Or I guess you could just get it done and go home
22:12It's Maisie, and yes, it's Sanjeev
22:21So the first type of object you touch
22:27They're quite heavy
22:32I think that means you're touching it, Sanjeev
22:37Well, no, I didn't touch that
22:38I think you touched the tyre
22:40Fine
22:42Fine
22:45Oh!
22:46They ice
22:54Aye, ice
22:55We're going to go ice
23:09Good for length?
23:10Er, yeah
23:11The line was a bit off
23:18That hit a camera
23:19Yes!
23:20Brilliant
23:24Oh!
23:39Happy with that?
23:40Absolutely delighted, Alex
23:46Slow, slow
23:50That's been another time zone, that one, innit?
23:52Right, we've got one more
23:53What have you learnt from the first two?
23:54Absolutely nothing
23:55Great, couldn't have come
23:56Great, couldn't have come
23:57Now then
24:04Oh, charming
24:06Shut the door!
24:08Great, that's near Windsor
24:09Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
24:22Are you going to, like, doc, like, you know, take a picture just because they're going to melt in a minute?
24:26Yeah, we're filming a lot of this
24:27Yeah, we're filming a lot of this
24:28I mean, basically, that final shot, there was no sign that you'd ever been part of this
24:43It's like a metaphor for the futility of life
24:47The thing is that I get the rules which, you know, the first thing you touch
24:50But I was just moving it up a bit
24:52I wasn't kind of, like, choosing it
24:54Or, or, as some would say, touching
24:56Some may interpret it that way
24:59Maisie, this is the most sense we've seen you make
25:02I had a method, I was like, let's see what, what weighs more
25:06Cos weight
25:07Yeah
25:08Weight is to do with distance and something
25:10Yeah, of course
25:11Famously, weight's to do with distance
25:13Yeah
25:14Right, we're at the halfway point now
25:16And as my doctor said in a recent check-up
25:19Let's just stop for a little breather
25:21I wasn't expecting it to be such a mess down there
25:23Hello! Thank you and welcome back
25:35It's the start of part three
25:37And our new competitors are trying to stop their object
25:40As close as possible to the middle of the target
25:43Three people left to go
25:44Are they actually good at sport despite their appearances?
25:47It's Anya, Reece and Phil
25:49I'm going to try to make it easy by going dead centre, big ball first
25:56I'm going to use these little balls to make a thoroughfare
26:00Ooh!
26:06First time I've felt like I've got a good idea
26:08Right, you have to use that now
26:10What?
26:11You touch that first
26:12And that's going to be the object you throw
26:14You're going exercise ball
26:19I'm thinking if I set up a buffer zone behind it
26:24Nice
26:29It's really stinky
26:30We didn't know they were there
26:31OK
26:35Far too much power
26:41OK, good to know
26:42Do me a favour and put your foot on there for me, please, Alex
26:47Thank you
26:53It's time for a few more bins
27:03Ha ha ha, this is exciting
27:05OK, ready
27:09OK, ready
27:11OK, it's all about what I pick now
27:13I'm going to do this one
27:14Yes, you are
27:21That's no good
27:24That was, er...
27:28Disappointing
27:30Let's go
27:31They're a bit of shit, were they?
27:43The principle worked
27:49And they always redoing that
27:50Why are you doing that?
27:56Oh, for fuck? I'm not actually joking, mate.
28:09What the fuck?
28:12Good luck.
28:20Is it going to bounce back? It's not, is it?
28:23Do you know what happened? The sellotape stopped it.
28:2625 seconds. This is your last go.
28:29MUSIC PLAYS
28:35LAUGHTER
28:37LAUGHTER
28:52Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
28:58Oh, my God.
29:00It's on the target.
29:02Who would have thought it would be that simple?
29:06Nice.
29:08Very nice.
29:14Rhys, what was that device you created?
29:16What was it meant to do?
29:18Initially, I thought I could slow the ball down with the sellotape.
29:21Like when you see it in America, where they pull spikes across
29:25and the cars get their things punctured.
29:28It all fell down when I accidentally touched the wrong thing first.
29:32He's quite calm and softly spoken in the studio, isn't he?
29:35But when he got across with his catapult,
29:37you went more northern than you've been for the whole show.
29:40And that was me doing that!
29:46A real latent rage.
29:48I thought Phil's worked amazingly well.
29:50And I think Anya's would have worked as well
29:52if she was capable of rolling a ball in the correct direction.
29:57I mean, incredibly, she is worse than Sanjeev, no offence.
30:02I feel like you're ganging up on me.
30:04Yeah.
30:06Yeah, you are.
30:08Well, I can show you where all their objects ended up.
30:12In fifth place, Anya's with the furthest away, 22 badges.
30:15Fourth, Sanjeev, ten badges.
30:17We're doing the badges.
30:18Rhys, seven badges.
30:19Phil, two and a half badges.
30:20But the winner with five points, one and a half badges,
30:22Maisie Adam!
30:23Look at that!
30:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:26Let's have another class, please.
30:29Right you are.
30:30And just like our infamous camping trip together,
30:32this one involves being disgusting in a caravan.
30:35Hello?
30:36Hello.
30:37Hi.
30:38Oh, hi, Rhys.
30:39Hi, Alex.
30:40Welcome to the caravan.
30:41Thank you for having me in the caravan.
30:42The caravan.
30:43The caravan.
30:44The caravan.
30:45The caravan.
30:46The caravan.
30:47The caravan.
30:48Oh yeah, it's caravan.
30:49You've been having a lovely time.
30:50You have?
30:51Oh, good.
30:52You?
30:53Uh, it's all right.
30:54You know, what do you compare it with?
31:08You compare it with, kind of the worst times in your life,
31:14and then you compare it with some of the best times in your life,
31:20And then you compare it with some of the best times of your life
31:22and you go, this is shit.
31:23Yeah.
31:24So, it's... So, yeah, it's OK.
31:26Yeah.
31:28Do you mind me saying you suit the caravan?
31:33I actually do know what you mean.
31:34I was going to be insulted, but then I was like, he's completely right.
31:38Do something behind this curtain
31:41that sounds disgusting, but is actually really nice.
31:48Highest D by N.
31:50wins, where D is your disgustingness score out of 10
31:54and N is your niceness score out of 10.
31:59So, the swing-o-meter of how horrible it sounds
32:03compared to the reality of how nice it is,
32:05there are more points involved in such a situation.
32:07Is that great?
32:08That's very well put.
32:11You have 15 minutes. Your time starts now.
32:13OK, so it's behind this.
32:15Yeah.
32:17If you don't mind.
32:18All right, a little privacy.
32:20I'll be waiting.
32:22You're not coming with me to look at it?
32:24Do you want me to?
32:25No.
32:32You really do suit that caravan.
32:36Well, I don't...
32:37This is the thing, I don't know whether I...
32:38Do you like camping or not?
32:39No.
32:40You don't?
32:41No.
32:42Why are you getting so angry about this?
32:45It was the way Alex said it was quite like,
32:47I'm going to try and get in your head
32:48and live in there as a worm.
32:52Yeah.
32:53Just eating away at your brain.
32:55Yeah, it really feels...
32:56So, in the end, you can't even roll a ball in a straight line.
33:00Ready to start?
33:01God, yes.
33:03Yuck, urr, and vomit.
33:04It's Anya, Maisie, and Phil.
33:07OK, I'm starting my attempt.
33:09Are you having a nice time?
33:20Yeah.
33:21I'm going to reveal you.
33:35It's really tasty.
33:36I'm going to cover you up again.
33:37Are you sure you don't want to suck a bit off?
33:40OK.
33:43I was just looking through in the kitchen there.
33:45Yeah.
33:46Looking for all sorts of various things
33:47that I might be able to use.
33:50And then...
33:50Oh!
33:51Fuck!
33:51Oh!
33:52Oh!
33:54Oh!
33:54Please stop!
33:55Whatever, please!
33:56Oh, God, no!
33:58Oh!
33:59Oh, right.
34:00Yeah, OK.
34:03Yeah.
34:06I'm going to open the curtain.
34:07Don't come in.
34:11Save yourself.
34:12Just making you a nice fruit smoothie, Alex.
34:18You're doing it quite violently.
34:20Yeah.
34:21I would like a little bit of the drink to see if it's nice.
34:24Oh, I'm so sorry.
34:27Well, thank you.
34:27Oh!
34:31Nice.
34:32Mm.
34:32Very nice.
34:33There you go.
34:34OK.
34:42Are you all right to keep doing it for a bit?
34:44Yeah, my calf muscles last.
34:46Your calf muscles?
34:47I need to know what it is that you're doing.
34:51I'm going to have a look.
34:53Here I come.
35:02What are you doing?
35:03What does it look like I'm doing?
35:04I'm rubbing my feet in gravy in a mixture of chocolate sauce
35:09and crumbled up, non-product-specific biscuits.
35:12I'm having a bloody great time.
35:14Nice.
35:15Bloody lovely.
35:15Right, right.
35:27Caravan girl.
35:29When the curtain went back, I mean, you were eating yoghurt with your fingers.
35:33No, it wasn't yoghurt.
35:34Oh, was it?
35:35It was whipped cream and sugar.
35:36But it was really tasty and I ate it for quite a long time.
35:40This is where it's tricky, you see, because if it was nice for you,
35:43I'll have to take your word for it.
35:45It wasn't nice watching you eat that with your fingers.
35:47Alex told me that you would be really jealous of it.
35:50Oh.
35:51Oh, did he?
35:54Phil's just tricky, because what I'm learning about Phil is,
35:57he's so upbeat about everything,
35:58he's sort of said anything as being nice, really.
36:01I think he genuinely was having a wonderful time.
36:03I was...
36:04Yeah, I mean, I would have been doing that
36:06if I wasn't on the show anyway.
36:09Was it warm gravy?
36:11No, that was where we fell a bit short.
36:13It was, I could feel the granules between my toes.
36:15Oh.
36:17Your noise, Macy.
36:18Where it got sinister and I wrote it down
36:20was when you shouted,
36:21please stop.
36:24I think I'm now realising
36:25that the two things had to be the same.
36:28I just pretended to be attacked
36:29and then made a cocktail.
36:30And then made a cocktail.
36:32Yeah, very much said about activities.
36:34Yeah, yeah.
36:35OK, let's stop once again.
36:37As my doctor said to me at a recent check-up,
36:40just one final push left.
36:42Relax, loosen up a bit.
36:44Hey, stop squirming.
36:45Nurse! Nurse!
36:46Help me!
36:47He keeps biting!
36:47Oh, welcome back to the final part of the show
37:00where the cast are tricking us
37:02into thinking they're being disgusting.
37:04The final attempts come from two neighbours over there.
37:06It's Sanjeev from number 42
37:08and Rhys from number 9.
37:11You're OK in there, Rhys?
37:12Yep.
37:22Hello, Sanjeev.
37:24Oh, oh, oh, oh.
37:32Right, Sanjeev?
37:33Yep.
37:34I'm going to have a look at you.
37:35OK.
37:35I want to check you're OK.
37:36OK.
37:40I'm going to come and have a look.
37:41OK.
37:41Be prepared, it's not disgusting.
37:55Do a little baby in there? Yes.
37:58Multi-coloured sausage mobile, with disco ball.
38:01Uh-huh. Kids love that. So you're babysitting?
38:03I am babysitting, yeah.
38:06What I'm doing is sending the duck to a happy sleep.
38:11And he's dreaming the word thank you.
38:14He liked it, did he?
38:15I think he liked it.
38:17But if you want to close that now,
38:19so that I can get him actually to full sleep, deep sleep.
38:21Sure. Sorry to disturb you. That's all right.
38:23All right.
38:28I'd like to see the baby.
38:30Do you want to...? OK.
38:38Oh. Yeah. Beautiful baby.
38:41APPLAUSE
38:46Ruth, I'm no expert in how one soothes the duck.
38:52Well...
38:54I hit upon the idea that the duck would enjoy the sound of something
38:58that was similar to a duck quacking.
39:00But it... Oh!
39:01So that was what I was trying to do.
39:02I thought it sounded a bit like a duck whistle,
39:04which famously draw the ducks out to be shot.
39:06Yes. Yeah.
39:08Well, it was a bit of both, I think.
39:10Sounding bad and then it being revealed to be quite a charming thing.
39:13Now, do you think that the sort of nice element of Sanjeev's attempt
39:18was somewhat compromised by it being revealed that the baby was,
39:21in fact, a beheaded old woman?
39:25All babies are beautiful.
39:28Yes. Yes.
39:29They are.
39:30Even those who are old without a body.
39:33Well, they have old faces and no body, but they change.
39:37They grow.
39:38They grow.
39:39They grow a body.
39:41You don't have children.
39:42You don't have children.
39:43I don't have children.
39:44I did see my nieces when they were babies
39:45and they definitely didn't just look like a head.
39:50It's a really tough one to score, this.
39:52Well, there's a bit of maths.
39:53I guess you can tell me how disgusting you found them all
39:55and then how nice you found them all.
39:56Yeah, OK.
39:57So, Ania...
39:58What's her disgustingness score out of ten, Greg?
40:00Well, it sounded absolutely disgusting. Nine.
40:02Nine?
40:03Yes.
40:04Terrific.
40:05And the niceness?
40:06Well, it says she's having a nice time,
40:07so I must take her word for it,
40:08but I didn't enjoy watching it, so seven.
40:10Cool.
40:11Nine times seven.
40:16So, Ania at 63.
40:18Maisie.
40:19OK.
40:20The cocktail looked absolutely delicious.
40:22Oh, it was, yeah.
40:23It was lovely.
40:24Yeah, it looked like you're having a lovely time.
40:25So that...
40:26It was a delicious nine.
40:28Yeah, but...
40:29No way does that cocktail involve those noises.
40:32A person being horribly attacked.
40:34Two.
40:35Two!
40:36Two times nine.
40:3718.
40:38Right, so we've got high low.
40:3963.
40:4018.
40:41Phil.
40:42Let's get complicated.
40:43Phil.
40:44Let's go all the way up the line.
40:45Wow.
40:46The noises were awful.
40:47Horrible.
40:48Disgusting.
40:49Nine.
40:50Another nine.
40:51So why not pop your feet in gravy?
40:53I'm not from the north, but I presume it's great.
40:56They squat and they...
40:57They squat?
40:58Yeah.
40:59I'm a bit intrigued by you saying they squat.
41:02I just think it's important to remember.
41:04What do people from the north do?
41:06They squat and they lick.
41:07You know that.
41:09So it's nine times...
41:12Eight.
41:13Eight.
41:14Which is...
41:15I do know my eight times table.
41:20Nine times eight is 72.
41:23Yeah.
41:2472.
41:25But you're doing that little smug thing like I don't know my times table.
41:27I'll fuck you up, mate.
41:28I'll fuck you up.
41:29How about that?
41:31Do you understand those maths?
41:33Fucking great.
41:37Who's next?
41:39It's Rhys next.
41:40I could tell he was blowing a trumpet.
41:42It didn't sound that disgusting.
41:43Seven.
41:44Seven for...
41:45The reveal.
41:46I don't know ducks, but there was a bubble coming out of his head.
41:48It's eight.
41:49We know eight times seven, don't we?
41:50We all know eight times seven.
41:51We all know eight times seven!
41:57Don't we?
41:58Yeah.
41:59What is it?
42:00It's loads.
42:03Phil, what's eight times seven?
42:04Well, I mean, but what is a number, you know?
42:08Good?
42:09Oh, my gosh.
42:10OK, so we've got Sanjeev.
42:11Yeah.
42:12Well, it sounded absolutely disgusting.
42:14Great.
42:15Like a nine.
42:16Nine, disgusting.
42:17Niceness?
42:18Erm, I don't know why I'm charmed by it.
42:19Nine.
42:20Whoa!
42:2181!
42:22One for Sanjeev.
42:23There we go.
42:28Hard cast.
42:29Amazing, you've got 18, your score, so that's one point.
42:32In fourth place, it's Rhys with 56 as your score, so that's two points.
42:37Anya, you're in third place.
42:39You've scored 63.
42:40Three points.
42:41Phil, 72.
42:42Four points for Sanjeev.
42:43Gets a full five points with 81.
42:45Well done, Sanjeev.
42:48All right, everybody, will you make your way to the stage for this series first?
42:52Final task of the show!
42:54Hello!
42:55APPLAUSE
42:57Hello, young fellow, my lad.
43:06Hi, Greg.
43:07Who will be reading the task out?
43:09Er, Sanjeev will, please.
43:11Ah.
43:12End up on your spot.
43:15You must obey the taskmaster's instructions.
43:18Closest person to their spot at the end of the task wins.
43:21So, it's quite a simple task.
43:23They're all standing on spots.
43:24At the end of the task, you need to be as close to your spot as possible.
43:28I have the health and safety whistle.
43:30If there's danger, I'll blow it.
43:31Please stop.
43:34First instruction, please.
43:36Completely cover your eyes.
43:40Using one of these.
43:44Pop these on.
43:45Nice and tight, please, guys.
43:46Nice and tight.
43:50Are they complete...
43:53I don't need to worry about one of Sanjeev's eyes fell off.
43:57OK.
43:58March on the spot until the end of the task.
44:01So, that means whatever happens, you must keep marching.
44:06Spin 360 degrees.
44:09Oh.
44:14Continue to march on the spot, but with higher knees.
44:25Just, er, just, er, just be careful.
44:27Just be careful.
44:28Just be careful.
44:31Take two big steps backwards.
44:36Keep marching.
44:37Keep marching.
44:38Keep marching.
44:39Keep marching.
44:40Keep marching.
44:41Keep marching.
44:42Keep marching.
44:43Lovely.
44:44Next instruction, please.
44:45Take two nice big steps...
44:48to the left.
44:50LAUGHTER
44:53Oh, Macy.
44:57You're fine, you're fine.
44:59Take two nice big steps forward.
45:06LAUGHTER
45:09Forward, forward.
45:10Forward.
45:11That's fine, you're right.
45:12You're actually going to work.
45:17Take two nice wide steps to the right.
45:21Up back.
45:22That's it.
45:23Where's the edge?
45:24Nothing, don't worry.
45:25Don't worry, don't worry.
45:26Keep marching.
45:27Jump.
45:28Quite high.
45:29Twice.
45:30March on the spot, flamboyantly.
45:33Stop.
45:34Please freeze in those positions.
45:38APPLAUSE
45:39Was it all a dream?
45:40I don't end up facing that way.
45:42We'll score those and we'll add it to your final scores.
45:45Come down here and join me!
46:13Genuinely dangerous.
46:15Yes, they should have been wearing protective clothing.
46:18They should. Or we should have put a mat down,
46:20or we should have thought it through more. Still...
46:22Yeah.
46:24The thing was, they were meant to stay on their spots.
46:26They didn't really do that.
46:27Rhys, you were the furthest, you get one point at the end of that.
46:30Phil, two points. Sanjeev, you came third, three points.
46:32Second place, Maisie, four points.
46:34And you were the closest at the end, you get the full five points!
46:36Well done!
46:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:40And so...
46:41And so it's a tighter first episode
46:42than some of us were expecting at the beginning.
46:44Out of the bottom, it's Sanjeev with 12 points,
46:46but our first winner with 19 points, it's Maisie Adam!
46:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Maisie Adam wins!
46:54Please don't celebrate with some soft things
46:56I would benefit from having, but I'm not getting!
46:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:14I'd awakens for more about the adults!
47:16But嘉 J.
47:20The
47:26정말
47:32osed
47:33M Belgium
47:35And
47:37Promote
47:39To
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