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00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:33Hello! Welcome!
00:36Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies, a juicy fillet steak of manhood,
00:41if I do say so myself.
00:43Take the heat off, I'm rare and I'm ready for the plate.
00:47Who dares to sit at the table of white-hot competition
00:50and complete tasks to make me sizzle on my judgmental skillet?
00:55Who dares to face my pepper-scorn sauce?
01:00Who wants my championships enough
01:02to risk getting their just desserts?
01:05Let's find out!
01:06Here they are!
01:07Anya Magliano!
01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:10Maisie Anna!
01:12Sue Ellis!
01:14Rick Shearsmith!
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22And next to me, a man who told me
01:25that on a childhood visit to a fruit farm,
01:27he once sneakily ate so many strawberries
01:30that he achieved the holy grail,
01:32the unbroken three-foot stool.
01:36LAUGHTER
01:38It's...
01:40L-l-l-l-tong!
01:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:46Well, look, it's time for the raffle, everyone,
01:48so if you want to get your tickets out at home.
01:51Um...
01:52Do you want to do the honours today, Greg?
01:53Yeah.
01:55Who's going to win this week's raffle?
01:57Let's find out.
01:58So get your tickets out.
01:59Oh, it's a pink!
02:00It's a pink ticket.
02:02Five-two-eight.
02:03A pink five-two-eight.
02:04So, um, get in touch if that's you.
02:08LAUGHTER
02:10It's the raffle.
02:11It's the raffle.
02:12Incredible, isn't it?
02:14Did you buy a ticket?
02:15I didn't buy a ticket.
02:16I bought you a ticket.
02:17OK.
02:19You want...
02:20You want to check your pockets?
02:23You want to...
02:24This is better.
02:25This is better.
02:26Oh, five-two-eight.
02:27I think five-two-eight.
02:28APPLAUSE
02:32You win a hamper.
02:33You can have a look there.
02:34It's a good hamper, genuinely good.
02:35Salt, bin bags, shoe soles, cinnamon sticks.
02:38Stuff you genuinely want from a hamper.
02:40OK.
02:41Let's get on with the price task.
02:43Bang-tidy.
02:44And this week, the category is...
02:46The thing you were least likely to bring in from your home.
02:50Ooh.
02:51Big fingers crossed here for Lord Lucan.
02:53Five points will be given to this person
02:55that Greg thinks has brought in the least likely thing
02:57they've brought from their home.
02:59But you know how this works, Greg.
03:01You're all over the format by now, mate.
03:03Don't worry about that.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:07OK.
03:08Sanjeev, hello.
03:09Hello. Can I show you what it is?
03:11Sanjeev has brought this in.
03:12Yeah.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Come on!
03:18Did you just have it around, or is that decanted for the show?
03:22Oh, no, that was specially for the show.
03:23I mean, I don't have urine samples lying around the house.
03:26No.
03:27But...
03:28But you have the bottles.
03:29Well, yeah.
03:30I mean, you never know when you need them.
03:31I mean, you know, there's an age at which you have to go...
03:33Yeah.
03:34Those are doctors quite suddenly.
03:35Dip and check?
03:36Yep.
03:37Absolutely.
03:38Dip and check.
03:39I've got to say, Sanjeev, this marks a real turnaround in your fortunes,
03:42I think.
03:43Do you think?
03:44Well, the first two shows, your prizes were absolutely shit.
03:46It's very personal.
03:47Mm-hm.
03:48Very.
03:49Do you know how he sent us a urine?
03:51Erm, no.
03:52We transferred it.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:58OK, who's next?
04:00Anya.
04:01I've brought in, erm, my contraceptive coil.
04:03Oh, God.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:05Have a look at this, Greg.
04:07Here it is.
04:08Oh, God.
04:09Look at it.
04:10Look at it.
04:11And if she's up there, then who's flying the plane?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:21What's the...the blue thing?
04:23So, there are strings at the bottom of it and they're basically
04:25so you can check it's in place every month.
04:27OK.
04:28You put a...I'm not going to...I don't...I won't tell you.
04:31Well, don't get all squeamish, you brought it in.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34Put fingers into your zones.
04:36Your zones.
04:37And you feel for the strings and if the strings are there...
04:39Zones!
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41The reason that it's very unlikely that I was able to bring this in
04:44is because mine got lost within me.
04:47OK.
04:48And it took three doctors to get it out on separate occasions.
04:51Not working simultaneously.
04:53LAUGHTER
04:54They were in different zones.
04:56LAUGHTER
05:01Very impressive.
05:02Phil?
05:03I brought in a lovely clump of asbestos.
05:05Here it is.
05:08One of the lovely companies.
05:11Where did you get the incredibly dangerous material from?
05:15My flat is riddled with it and...
05:18As long as you don't interfere with it, it's quite safe.
05:21Yeah.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23Now, I have caused a few issues by rambling around in my walls to pull it out.
05:26Yeah.
05:27Not...not least your own slow, painful demise.
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32But, you know, it's what a way to go.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35Old school.
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37Urine, a coil and a death sentence.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41Rhys.
05:42So, in 1973 there used to be things called public information films
05:46and they would tell children to not get trapped in fridges
05:49and not stand in front of tractors.
05:51And there was one in 1973 called The Spirit of Dark and Lonely Water.
05:56It was narrated by Donald Pleasance and it was about children
05:58that shouldn't play in near water because they would drown.
06:01And in that film there is a sign that says no swimming.
06:05And in my downstairs toilet I have the sign.
06:08Here it is.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:14So, there you go. That's surprising, isn't it?
06:15Lovely.
06:17Unfortunately, the horror bar has been raised so high...
06:21LAUGHTER
06:22It's very mundane now, isn't it?
06:24It's the first thing I see.
06:25I think, yeah, I could cope with that.
06:27LAUGHTER
06:28Hello, Maisie.
06:29I've brought in some...
06:30Nice and normal.
06:31Ah.
06:32Yeah. I've brought in all my doors.
06:33LAUGHTER
06:38All our intern doors.
06:41And I know what you're thinking,
06:42that's just a picture of doors with a made-up background.
06:45I can show you.
06:46Yep, here we go.
06:47This is my door in the flat.
06:49And I did that when my husband was out.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:53And then last, with the doors,
06:55so is the text I got from my husband.
06:57LAUGHTER
07:00Oh, my God.
07:01OK, so it's least likely to bring in from your home, Greg.
07:04Well, I mean, I really like your sign,
07:06but it's a framed photo, so he can only have one point.
07:09Yes. Fair enough.
07:10One point. Thank you.
07:11To Rhys.
07:12And it's incredible for me to say this,
07:13the one that horrified me the least was the deadly asbestos.
07:17LAUGHTER
07:18Two points to Phil.
07:19I'm going to say that Maisie's doors are equivalent to Sanjeev's urine.
07:25Fuck off!
07:26LAUGHTER
07:28I'm in so much trouble.
07:30And you won't get them back unless you win the episode.
07:32LAUGHTER
07:34OK, he hates it when I do this, but I do think they all are remarkable
07:42that you would bring all three of those things in,
07:44so I'll give you all five points.
07:45Yay!
07:46CHEERING
07:47One, two, five, five, five!
07:48OK.
07:49Could I have a touch, please?
07:50Yes, I have one right here,
07:52and it involves the greatest sporting team on planet Earth.
08:08PHONE RINGS
08:09Hi, Rhys.
08:10Hello.
08:11Are you coming all the way to me?
08:12Well, I'm coming to you, yeah.
08:13Lovely to see you.
08:14You stand behind the barrel, that'll be great.
08:15What? A barrel?
08:16Make the most accurate little model...
08:20..of the Chesham...
08:21..Chesham...
08:22..the Chesham United mascot.
08:24So the locals call it Chesham.
08:26Ah.
08:27But if you've only just arrived there, Chesham is OK.
08:29OK, that's good to know.
08:31You may only see what is inside two of the toilet tents.
08:35Toilet? Oh, I thought it was spray tans.
08:37Toilet?
08:38Yeah, five toilet tents.
08:40You have ten minutes.
08:41Your time starts now.
08:43Go generals.
08:45Go generals.
08:47Oh!
08:48Thank God.
08:49You know.
08:50The one thing I like is mascots.
08:54Well, I hate football.
08:55I don't know anything about it.
08:56So I can't do it.
09:02OK, so Chesham United is the team that you're a director on, right?
09:05Mm-hm.
09:06Yeah, but there's no conflict of interest.
09:08We're just, um...
09:09Well, it's funny you should say that,
09:10but when I read that you were doing this,
09:12I genuinely contacted a lawyer friend of mine,
09:15and he has informed me that you talking about it
09:17as the director of Chesham United
09:19is a clear breach of the UK code of broadcast advertising,
09:23the BCAP code, sections two, four and ten.
09:27And as a result, you genuinely could be in legal trouble.
09:31Ah.
09:32You've never done that much research about any aspect of this show.
09:35I know.
09:37I was absolutely thrilled.
09:41OK, well, there's a little joke here,
09:42but it doesn't feel appropriate.
09:43Here we go, then.
09:44And if you're a rap fan,
09:45you're going to love Rhys, Anya and Phil's initials.
09:51I'm hoping the Chesham United mascot
09:54will be in one of the three tenths.
09:56One of the five tenths.
09:58Oh, hello!
10:02Ooh, OK, that's heavy.
10:03Lovely.
10:04What we've got here is treasure chest.
10:06Lovely.
10:07That's nice.
10:08Chest.
10:09Chesham, no.
10:10What would be great now is if a child I didn't know I had came out.
10:17There's an actual person there that scared the crap out of.
10:20Oh!
10:21Oh, my God, there's someone in there.
10:22Are you the Chesham United mascot?
10:24This is amazing.
10:25Have I nailed the task?
10:27Bear with me.
10:28Come on.
10:29Come on, dear.
10:30Let's have a laugh.
10:31We've got a game of chess.
10:33Yes.
10:34This is...
10:35Ugh!
10:36Ham.
10:37Chess.
10:38Ham.
10:39Oh, OK, I think that's the pig who's the mascot
10:41and I've got to make a small pig.
10:43Oh, my God!
10:44He's got a plant pot on his head.
10:46Oh, it's a chess piece.
10:48Are you the mascot?
10:51I don't know what that is.
10:52I'm going to take it.
10:53You've either had a stroke or you're very much the mascot.
10:55Come on, baby!
10:56Daddy needs some new shoes.
11:00Go Generals.
11:01Yeah.
11:02I mean, what does it mean?
11:03How am I meant to, in isolation, understand what that means?
11:05That's the nickname of the football team.
11:07Well, I told you I hated football.
11:08Right.
11:09Do you know what?
11:11Please be careful.
11:14Oh.
11:15Right.
11:16Ooh, that's half your time up.
11:18That's half my time.
11:19Well, this is great, isn't it?
11:21I've got half the time left and now you're giving me scissors.
11:24And face paint...
11:25It's...
11:26It's pleasure.
11:27Plastice.
11:28I know.
11:29That could be his face.
11:33I'm going to make a football.
11:35Do you think the mascot on the football team is a football?
11:37Right, yeah.
11:38I see that it might not be.
11:41I'm changing it.
11:42I'm changing it to a helmet.
11:43I'm very aware at this very late stage
11:45that I may have taken it for granted
11:47that that is the Chesham County mascot.
11:49You're pretty insistent that it's a county.
11:55I may have got football muddled up with territorial army.
11:59Five seconds.
12:00Oh, no!
12:01I'm from Chesham town!
12:03Go Generals.
12:09It's the usual bubbling rage during that,
12:11but my favourite moment of the whole task
12:14was just a moment of joy from you
12:17where I think we got the answer to the question,
12:20what will we do when David Dickinson retires?
12:24What we've got here is treasure chest.
12:26Treasure chest.
12:27LAUGHTER
12:36So the pig was the mascot.
12:37What?
12:38Oh!
12:39It's the official Chesham mascot
12:40and the bear was a red herring.
12:41OK, so Phil came up with this.
12:43Oh, there he is!
12:45There's that pig we all know and love.
12:49Flaking onto the pitch.
12:50Incredible.
12:51That would fool a seasoned farmer.
12:56Rhys came up with this.
13:03I mean, it's pretty good.
13:06Who would have thought I'd be saying the sentence,
13:08that's not as good as Phil's?
13:10LAUGHTER
13:12Well, Anya did try to make the pig and she made this.
13:16Ooh!
13:18That is pretty good.
13:19Compare that to the real mascots.
13:20Yeah.
13:21Good.
13:24OK, my friends, that's the end of part one.
13:27More mascot monstrosities will be made after some adverts
13:30to highlight the downward spiral of humanity.
13:33Work.
13:34Spend.
13:35Die!
13:44Oh, hello!
13:45Hello again!
13:47Welcome back to Testmaster.
13:50Hello.
13:51Sorry, Greg.
13:52As my gran always said, you can't hurry slurry.
13:57Before the break, the rivals were trying to craft
13:59the most accurate version of the Chesham mascot.
14:03And they could only peep inside two of the tents for tips.
14:06Finally, it's the turn of Sanjeev and Maisie.
14:09Now, Maisie has, of course, had a huge advantage for this one,
14:12having played football at the Chesham ground,
14:14genuinely where the mascot was first unveiled.
14:17This is the picture of Maisie with the mascot on the pitch.
14:21There you go.
14:23You bastard.
14:25Go generals.
14:26That's a clue.
14:27Or a red herring.
14:29Whatever you want, Sanjeev.
14:32Bit creepy.
14:34Oh, that's got something big there.
14:36OK.
14:37No, these two.
14:50Do you need that back up?
14:54Right.
14:55Is there someone in that?
14:56Is that a per...
14:57Oh, no, God!
14:58Generals!
14:59Stand up.
15:00Is there anything else?
15:01God's sake!
15:02I was counting on you!
15:03Thank you very much.
15:04Not at all creepy.
15:05If you can sit yourself down, OK?
15:06What's the number?
15:07What's the number?
15:08What's the number?
15:09Pig, look for a four-digit number.
15:10It'll be somewhere, I'm sure.
15:11You wouldn't mind putting one hand.
15:12There.
15:13Please don't break the box.
15:14Yes!
15:15If you could just...
15:16You wouldn't mind putting one hand.
15:17There.
15:18You wouldn't mind putting one hand.
15:19There.
15:20Please don't break the box.
15:21Yes!
15:22You could just point that way.
15:37This hand.
15:38So...
15:39Then come into the box.
15:40Oh, we're got to let it go!
15:41If you could just point that way, this hand, hand point that way.
15:49You need to salute like a general, yeah?
15:52Yeah, you've got that.
15:53I see it.
15:54You're smashing it, mate.
15:55Wait there.
16:01That's general.
16:04Go general!
16:06Come on.
16:11You've actually run next to the mascot, which is a pig with a chess piece on its head.
16:19And you have no recollection of it.
16:21It was a busy week that week.
16:23Other things on.
16:24A lot of pigs, a lot of chess pieces.
16:26A lot of pigs, yeah.
16:27It's more common in the modern game than you'd think.
16:30You know, your attempt would be worrying if it weren't for Sanjeev.
16:34God forgive me, but someone's got to point it out.
16:36You made the pig do a Nazi thing.
16:38LAUGHTER
16:42They're all thinking it.
16:43No, that was the general's bit.
16:45It was the pig was leading the charge because they...
16:47You can't...
16:48They had no fingers and you couldn't point.
16:50So, in summary...
16:51Yes.
16:52You created a new mascot involving the pig, the bear and the donkey.
16:56No, I didn't create a new mascot.
16:58I involved the mascot in a new tableau suggesting...
17:02Oh, yeah.
17:03According to...
17:04That's what you were asked to do as well.
17:05Evolve the mascot into a new tableau.
17:08Was that known-worthy?
17:09It was make the most accurate little model of the Chesham United mascot.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13Yeah, that was...
17:14That was smaller than the one I was going for.
17:16OK.
17:17Do you want to say all five mascots with them, real mascots?
17:20I mean, not really.
17:21Yep.
17:22OK.
17:23The real one's bottom right.
17:24I'm surprised that Sanjeev isn't further right here.
17:26LAUGHTER
17:31Sanjeev's made the mascot bigger and more racially hateful.
17:35LAUGHTER
17:37I'm not sure about racially hateful.
17:39I'm going to have to take a look at the diversity in mine.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:44Compared to any other picture.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:47It's a good point.
17:48So, two to Maisie, because she hasn't made it smaller
17:50and she hasn't recreated it, she's just taped a sign to it.
17:53I mean, Reese's is definitely smaller than the original mascot
17:57but has absolutely nothing to do with it.
18:00You're telling me that that is less like a pig than Phil's?
18:04Hey!
18:05He's got a point.
18:06I'm sorry but I have to say it.
18:07I think mine looks more like the pig.
18:09No!
18:10It's even got a little chest piece on the top.
18:12What are you talking about?
18:13Look at me!
18:14I think if I squint at both of them,
18:16I see more of the shape of the mascot in Phil's.
18:20Because you're looking at the full body?
18:21I'm looking at the full body?
18:22Yeah, yeah.
18:23I get you.
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25I take your point but you can have three, Phil can have four.
18:28And five sweet points to Anya Magliano!
18:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:35I think it's time for Scoreboy.
18:37Me too.
18:38Anya is the only one in double figures.
18:39She's in the lead with ten points!
18:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:44I've had a team fast.
18:46Well, get ready for one of my favourites of all time,
18:49which is a big statement because I genuinely have almost zero opinions
18:52on anything.
18:53I'm a really bland guy.
18:55LAUGHTER
19:07We're back in here. Hi.
19:08Yep, a couple of chairs there.
19:09Oh, lovely.
19:10Hello.
19:11Hello.
19:12Hello.
19:13How was the team?
19:14Really good.
19:15Good. Bonding.
19:16Yes.
19:17Did you discover?
19:18Yeah, we think so.
19:19So far.
19:20I think that's true.
19:21Right.
19:22Ahem.
19:23Discover the name of the person in the lab.
19:27You must take it in turns to ask one question
19:31and the person may only say yes or no.
19:34The other team members must remain in this room
19:37until the questioner returns.
19:39Each person in your team must address the person in the lab
19:42the correct name before the task is complete.
19:45Fastest wins.
19:46Your time starts now.
19:48OK.
19:49I'll go, I'll go ask the question.
19:50OK.
19:51All right, cool.
19:52Right.
19:53Shall I go and ask if their name begins with a vowel?
19:55Is that, is that clever?
19:57OK, yeah, go on.
19:58You get thinking of your next question, Rhys.
20:00A vowel.
20:01OK.
20:02A-E-I-O-U.
20:04LAUGHTER
20:05Well, that's the main takeaway, isn't it, really?
20:11The main takeaway from the introduction of this is that
20:15Maisie and Rhys think vowels are clever.
20:18Rhys is incredibly keen to point out that he knows them.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:24Let's crack on, let's see how clever they are.
20:26OK, well, we are going to start with a team of two.
20:28It is Rhys and it is Maisie.
20:30Here we go.
20:31Hiya.
20:36Hi.
20:37Does your name begin with a vowel?
20:39No.
20:40No.
20:41So we've got all the consonants to play with?
20:43Yep.
20:44What do you think the next question should be?
20:45Are you any of the women in the song Mambo No. 5?
20:48I know them all.
20:49Good, OK.
20:50Monica, Jessica.
20:54Hello.
20:55Is your name any of the women in the song Mambo No. 5?
20:58No.
20:59No.
21:00How many have we eliminated out of women's names in the world?
21:03I think 6.
21:04Good.
21:05How can we narrow down women's names?
21:08B to P.
21:09Does your name begin with any of the letters from A to P in the alphabet?
21:13Yes.
21:14Ooh!
21:15It does, it does!
21:16B to G.
21:17Does your name, hi, does your name begin with B to G?
21:20No.
21:21Ring 6 G to P.
21:24Oh!
21:25Is it a K?
21:26Does your name start with a K?
21:27No.
21:29Does your name begin with L?
21:30Yeah.
21:31Yes!
21:32It's L!
21:33It's L!
21:34OK.
21:35Not Lisa, Lisa's in Mambo No. 5.
21:36OK.
21:37Is it Laura?
21:38No.
21:40Is your name Louise?
21:41Yeah.
21:42Yes!
21:43It's Louise!
21:44Louise!
21:45It's Louise!
21:46Stop the clock!
21:47You haven't completed the task.
21:48What?
21:49OK.
21:50Now, each person in your team must address the person in the lab by the correct name before
21:53the task is complete.
21:54Just say hi, Louise.
21:55I will.
21:56Hi, Louise.
21:57Hi, Louise.
21:58Hi, Louise.
21:59No.
22:00It's not!
22:01It's not Louise!
22:02Eh?
22:03He's really angry.
22:04He's really angry.
22:05What does it mean?
22:06She just said to me her name was Louise.
22:07What?
22:08Don't say, is your name Louise?
22:09I did that last time.
22:10Is your name Louise?
22:11Yes.
22:12Rhys!
22:13And she said, yes.
22:14Ugh.
22:15All the names in the world, we got down to Louise and it's not.
22:17Yeah.
22:18Shall we maybe try to stay a bit calm?
22:19Yeah.
22:20Yeah.
22:21Calm and collected.
22:22Hello, Louise.
22:23Um, are you going to do that?
22:24No.
22:25No.
22:26No.
22:27No.
22:28No.
22:29No.
22:30No.
22:31No.
22:32No.
22:33No.
22:34No.
22:35No.
22:36No.
22:37No.
22:38No.
22:39No.
22:40No.
22:41Are you lying about your name?
22:42No.
22:43OK.
22:44We're missing something here.
22:45Yeah.
22:46What are we missing?
22:47Rhys, could it be a different person in the lab?
22:50SONG
22:51SONG
22:52SONG
22:53SONG
22:54SONG
22:55SONG
22:56SONG
22:57SONG
22:58SONG
22:59SONG
23:00SONG
23:01SONG
23:02SONG
23:03SONG
23:05SONG
23:06SONG
23:07SONG
23:08What have you found?
23:09They're twins!
23:10They're fucking twins!
23:11They keep swapping them out!
23:13Look behind the door!
23:14Look behind the door!
23:15They're swapping them out!
23:16Yes!
23:17SONG
23:18SONG
23:19Yeah.
23:20I'm on to you now.
23:22That's all right.
23:23I put a piece of sellotape on her.
23:28Does your sister's name begin with J?
23:31No.
23:32No!
23:33Does your sister's name begin with K?
23:35No.
23:36You're not asking your sister's name as well, are you?
23:38I'm going, is your sister's name?
23:40Yeah, and I'm saying it's your sister's name.
23:41Oh, for God, no!
23:43That's wrong, isn't it?
23:44You've been asking about her sister!
23:46It's very confusing when there's twins.
23:49Does your name begin with an L?
23:50Yes.
23:51Oh, it does!
23:52It does?
23:53Yeah.
23:54I think I've got it.
23:55No.
23:56Is your name Lynn?
23:57No.
23:58No, of course not.
23:59Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
24:02Is the second letter of your sister's name a consonant?
24:06Yes.
24:07What about L-U?
24:09That's a power!
24:10Oh, yes, that's right, yes.
24:11What else can you add on to Lynn to make a name?
24:14Lindsay.
24:15Is it Lindsay?
24:16Have we had it?
24:17No.
24:18Lindsay.
24:19With a Y.
24:21Is your name Lindsay?
24:22Yes.
24:24I've done the clock.
24:26Lindsay.
24:27We've done it.
24:34I mean, I have so many questions.
24:37I guess I'll start with,
24:39why was your go-to system Mambo No. 5?
24:44I just tried to think of something
24:45where there's loads of women's names in one go.
24:48It allowed us later in the game to eradicate Lisa from the situation.
24:51Yeah, but Lisa's not in the song.
24:52Yes, she is!
24:53Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary and Jessica.
24:56All right, so she's not in the song?
25:00It doesn't matter, does it?
25:01Even you reading them out like that made me want to go...
25:03Argh!
25:11A lot of the time, you appeared as someone who was scared of her partner.
25:16Rhys is terrifying, I'll just say that.
25:18At one point, almost to yourself, you went,
25:20he's really angry.
25:22He's not angry, he's...
25:24Disappointed.
25:25Didn't they say we were a good team?
25:27We were a good team?
25:28Yeah.
25:29He's like, good cop, furious cop.
25:31Yeah.
25:33Well.
25:34Well.
25:35It looked like it took forever.
25:3644 minutes 30, a lovely massage.
25:38Wow.
25:3944 minutes 30.
25:4044 minutes 30.
25:41What I'd like to think now, before I throw to break,
25:43is that you'd be able to play in Mambo No. 5.
25:47And I know you haven't got it,
25:49but what I'm going to do is I'm going to read the link to break,
25:51imagining it is playing.
25:55OK.
26:03Time for a much needed break.
26:04We'll see you in a minute.
26:13Hello.
26:14Welcome back.
26:15It's part three, a taskmaster,
26:16and we're in the middle of a fiendish,
26:18a tricky team task.
26:19Hmm.
26:20It's not that tricky, Greg.
26:22I think some people are just thick.
26:23And at last, I've got an opinion.
26:26But now it's time to see how the team of three got on.
26:29It's Anya, Phil and Sanjeev.
26:33Oh, hello.
26:34Hi.
26:36Is your name Thompson?
26:39No.
26:42Are you all right?
26:43Yeah.
26:44Is that my question?
26:45Yeah.
26:46Out you come.
26:50Doesn't begin from A to G.
26:51Not H, R or J.
26:52Either K or L.
26:53Yes.
26:54Doesn't begin with a K.
26:55So it begins with an L.
26:56Yeah.
26:57Is your name Louise?
26:58No.
26:59It's not Louise!
27:00Is there a U?
27:02No.
27:03No.
27:04No.
27:05No.
27:06Snooker cue.
27:07Snooker clue.
27:10Right.
27:12Billiard snooker.
27:14Q.
27:15Right.
27:16Is the second letter E?
27:19No.
27:23Are any letters repeated?
27:25No.
27:26There must be a quicker way to do this.
27:28I'll say, can you say yes when I point to the right letter?
27:31That's good.
27:32That's good.
27:33That's really clever.
27:34Aye.
27:35The third letter of your name, please.
27:37Yes.
27:38Oh, right.
27:40I think it is Louise.
27:41I think they're lying.
27:42It's U.
27:43No, I asked her if there was a U in her name and she said no.
27:45And then she's a damn liar.
27:47The next letter is D.
27:50Loud.
27:51This isn't a name.
27:52Who's called Loud?
27:54Yes.
27:55E?
27:57It's an E!
27:59Loud.
28:00Okay, I'll just go...
28:01It makes no sense.
28:02Is that wrong?
28:03Yes.
28:04Guys, it's not.
28:05We've gone wrong.
28:08This has put me off meeting you people.
28:11The second last letter.
28:13Yes.
28:14Okay.
28:15I asked about double letters before and you said there weren't any.
28:18That's a double letter.
28:20This is, like, insane.
28:22Why is nothing making sense?
28:24What the hell is going on?
28:27Okay, guys, I said, are there clues as to how we can get your name somewhere?
28:31And she said yes.
28:33Oh, Thompson.
28:34Thompson.
28:35I was just thinking Thompson twins.
28:36Yes.
28:37Got it.
28:38Is it in any way connected to the Thompson twins?
28:41Yes.
28:42It is?
28:43She's a twin.
28:44They're twins.
28:45Twins are identical.
28:47They're repetition.
28:48Is it a name that sounds like...
28:50Oh!
28:51It's going to be like...
28:52Please say something good.
28:54Oh, God.
28:55I've done it.
28:56Oh, God.
28:57I've done it.
28:58Oh!
28:59Hi.
29:00There's two of them.
29:01There's two of them.
29:02There's two of them.
29:03There's one behind the curtain.
29:04They're twins.
29:05Oh, they keep swapping.
29:06They're twins.
29:07They're twins.
29:08So Louise is probably right, I bet, for one.
29:09Yeah.
29:10We'll just keep going instead of your name Louise and we'll see what happens.
29:11Is your name Louise?
29:12No.
29:13No.
29:14Who did Phil ask?
29:15Are you Louise?
29:16No.
29:17Is your name Louise?
29:18No.
29:19Is your name Louise?
29:20No.
29:21Who did Phil ask?
29:22Are you Louise?
29:23No.
29:24Is your name Louise?
29:25No.
29:26Is your name Louise?
29:27No.
29:28No!
29:29No!
29:30No!
29:31No!
29:32No!
29:33No!
29:34This one's not Louise either!
29:35OK!
29:36There we go!
29:37Louise?
29:38Yes.
29:39Yes!
29:40It's a swap.
29:42Is your name Louise?
29:43No.
29:44I was going to ask again.
29:45Is your name Louise?
29:46Yes.
29:47Brilliant.
29:48Nice one.
29:49Thanks.
29:50Are you having a nice time?
29:51Yes.
29:53Hello.
29:54Hi.
29:55Are you Louise?
29:56Yes.
29:57I've done the clock.
30:02The thing that sums up the whole attempt was Anya looking at Phil and going,
30:07please say something good.
30:09Well, Sanjeev was just sighing periodically.
30:13I felt like Sanjeev was babysitting us.
30:18You didn't have to find out both their names.
30:20You just had to say the name of the person in the lab.
30:22So you all got Louise.
30:23You never found out Lindsay's name.
30:24You took 19 and a half minutes longer than the other team.
30:27One hour and three minutes.
30:28Oh!
30:29Hey, Rhys!
30:30Dream team!
30:31Dream team!
30:32One hour and three minutes.
30:33And also, at the end, Phil went in twice in a row and you didn't take any turns at any.
30:37That damn snooker cube!
30:40This has got a sting for you, Sanjeev, hasn't it?
30:42No.
30:43Do you know what?
30:44You just have to sit back, let the kids play.
30:46You know, at some point the parents will come back and you get paid and you go home.
30:51Remarkably, Maisie and Rhys have definitely won.
30:54So well done you.
30:55Five points for Maisie and Rhys.
30:56Do we get any points?
30:57Oh, I think...
30:58I'll give you one or two.
30:59I just haven't decided which yet.
31:00OK, when are you going to do that?
31:01I'll take one because it was my fault and I'd really like the other two to have two points.
31:15If you think...
31:16Wow!
31:17Do you know what, Phil?
31:18I agree!
31:19That is so lovely.
31:21Wow!
31:22That is lovely and sportsmanlike.
31:23And if you want one point, I agree, the whole team should help.
31:26LAUGHTER
31:31One point for the team of three.
31:32Well done.
31:35Let's have another task.
31:36Thank you for the opportunity, Greg.
31:38Right then, everyone, come with me and let's have some good old-fashioned fun
31:41and games in the hutch.
31:43Ooh!
31:44MUSIC PLAYS
32:01Hiya.
32:02Traditional-looking game.
32:03It's a brand-new game.
32:04Oh, right, OK.
32:05Looks like an old game to me, but...
32:09Create your own snakes and steps board.
32:14You must add one snake and one set of steps.
32:18You must also add one mystery box.
32:21Ooh.
32:22The instruction inside the mystery box is up to you.
32:24You have ten minutes, your time starts now.
32:26Ow!
32:29Oh, he really will stretch, won't he?
32:31Oops.
32:32Yep.
32:33Right.
32:34Here we go.
32:35So, we're going to make some steps.
32:41They can grow back, anyway.
32:42I look at it as, like, life.
32:44You go, oh, well, first put on that old property step.
32:49Here I go.
32:50Oh!
32:51You must do a box.
32:53And this is just any rule?
32:55Yeah.
32:56So, you've got to do whatever this says.
32:57Mm-hm.
33:03That's going in the mystery box.
33:04And what number's that going on?
33:05It's on number 70.
33:0747, 48, 61, 62.
33:10It's a mystery.
33:11Thank you very much.
33:12Excellent, thank you.
33:13Look forward to playing your game.
33:14Er, you're on your own.
33:17Andrea thinks that if you cut a snake in half, it grows back.
33:21It does.
33:22No, it doesn't.
33:23OK.
33:24A worm, sure.
33:25If you cut a snake in half, it dies.
33:30They're basically the same sort of guy.
33:32The film Worms on a Plane is not a snake.
33:40OK, Greg, it's time to supersize things while at the same time
33:43gaining further insight into Maisie Adams' memory.
33:46Ooh.
33:47Oh, for fuck's sake.
34:01Hello.
34:02Ooh.
34:03Oh.
34:04I remember this.
34:05Does it ring any bells?
34:06No.
34:07No, but I'm willing to venture into the unknown.
34:13Win, snakes and steps.
34:15This isn't the one I designed though, is it?
34:17Well...
34:18Is it?
34:19Players will move from youngest to oldest.
34:22Players.
34:25Which players?
34:26So you're up against four other comedians.
34:27Oh, right.
34:28You must throw the die properly each time and you must not tamper with the die.
34:34If you land on the head of a snake, you must slither down to its tail.
34:37I know the rules.
34:38If you land at the base of a step, you've got to climb it.
34:41If you land on the mystery box, you must do what it says.
34:45First to land exactly on the finishing seat wins.
34:48Your time starts now.
34:51And you'll be going fourth in the game because of your age.
34:54Oh, Christ.
34:57Which number do you think you'll be throwing?
35:00The...thanks.
35:02Mum taken.
35:03So we've combined all their snakes and steps.
35:08That's what I was about to ask, just to clarify.
35:10Go for it.
35:11So that was all of them.
35:12That was all of them and one big bolt.
35:14It's worth noting that Phil's steps started at 11, 12, 13 and 14
35:19and went up to 71, the penultimate square,
35:23where his snake met the ladder and took you all the way back down
35:26to the beginning.
35:27But I presumed you would all think you would have to do it later on.
35:30None of you did.
35:31So, you have no recollection of that whatsoever.
35:35There was a lot of weeks between when I did the one in the hutch
35:38and coming to that race course.
35:40Yeah, three.
35:43OK, we're stopping for another break.
35:45In the final part of the show, someone will go home
35:48with all of the doors from Maisie Adams' home.
35:52Don't worry, she won't remember.
35:56We'll see you in a minute.
35:57APPLAUSE
36:06Hello.
36:08And welcome to the final part of the show.
36:10And if you think Tipping Point is exciting, get ready,
36:13because you're about to see a giant game of snakes and steps.
36:16And also, you're wrong about Tipping Point.
36:20That is bang out of order, Greg.
36:22Shout-out to Ben Shepard.
36:23Love you, bro. Seriously.
36:25LAUGHTER
36:27Now, for the game we've all been waiting for,
36:28and we're going to see four of them playing it.
36:30That's everyone apart from Rhys.
36:32And Rhys knows why.
36:35Who do you think the youngest is, Anya?
36:37Me.
36:38You get to go first.
36:39Yes!
36:41Five!
36:43That's a five.
36:46Oh, that was lame.
36:47So I'm here.
36:48Correct.
36:50Come on, Daddy needs some new shoes.
36:52It's gone overboard.
36:54Six!
36:55That's good, that.
36:56Yeah.
36:57I think it's a six, innit?
36:58Why is it a six?
36:59Just nod the camera if you can see a six.
37:02We're on a six, baby!
37:03You're taking that as a six.
37:04One, two, three, four, five, six.
37:06That ladder goes all the way up to 71.
37:08Oh, brilliant.
37:09Five.
37:10Three.
37:11Oh, these are ladders.
37:12Oh, these are from mine!
37:13Mm-hm.
37:15Oh, I know what's going to happen.
37:16What's going to happen, Phil?
37:17Can I throw this anywhere on the floor?
37:19Ideally, we'll sort of just in front of you here.
37:22OK.
37:23Oh, you've got to the base of some steps.
37:24Right.
37:25Yeah, you're at number 71.
37:26That was a good move.
37:27OK.
37:28Can I throw it here?
37:29Oh, unfortunately, you're actually on a snake there.
37:31Well, that's kind of useless.
37:32This is... that's a daft game.
37:33I agree with you.
37:34Shall I just start again?
37:35Well, I think you have to, yeah.
37:36All right.
37:37Why don't you put a ladder up to where you're going to have a snake?
37:39You're going to have to ask Phil.
37:41Phil?
37:42Phil Ellis.
37:43Did he design the course?
37:44Because that's favouritism if you're letting some of us design it.
37:48Whoever put a snake there is an absolute moron.
37:51Oh, no, there's a snake!
37:52Phil's snake.
37:53Phil is a snake.
37:54Right, welcome back to the start.
37:55You do have an extra throw because you've got a six.
37:59Three.
38:00Three.
38:01Three.
38:02Three.
38:03Three.
38:04One, two, three.
38:05I think that goes to the end.
38:06Hey!
38:08That's Anya's ladder.
38:09Where does it take you?
38:10To the finish.
38:12Congratulations, Maisie.
38:14Why is it Anya's ladder, though?
38:15Don't worry about that.
38:16Come on.
38:17Congratulations.
38:18That is the end of Snakes and Steps.
38:20I feel sorry for the amount of set-up,
38:22for the amount of length of time that took, really.
38:25I feel guilty.
38:30I was going to make you paranoid, but it is incredible, isn't it?
38:33I'm worried now.
38:34I think I need to get checked.
38:36So, Phil basically ruined everyone.
38:39But luckily, Anya had put one on number four
38:41and they all threw a three which got them to four
38:43and they got to the end pretty quick.
38:44Very competitive.
38:45Mm.
38:46But why has Rhys been singled out?
38:48What happened?
38:50Brush your teeth.
38:51Grab a sleeping bag.
38:52It is time for Rhys's attempt,
38:55with thanks, of course, to Phil Ellis.
38:57Here we go.
38:58Oh, no!
39:00OK.
39:01Oh, you're at the base of a ladder.
39:02She goes all the way up to here.
39:05Oh, now I only need one.
39:08No, you don't, because where are you now?
39:10Isn't that the end?
39:11That's just one.
39:12That's the end, yeah, but there's something else on 71.
39:15Oh.
39:18Who put that there?
39:19Phil.
39:23Four.
39:24Four.
39:25So you're going up your own ladder.
39:27Oh, is it secure?
39:28No.
39:31Oh, it's three boxed.
39:32Oh, look at it.
39:33Yeah, that's exciting.
39:34Urgh!
39:35Urgh!
39:36You are bitten by a snake.
39:38I need an antidote, and it's found on square nine.
39:41Do you remember who wrote that?
39:42I think I wrote it, didn't I?
39:45Fairly fine.
39:47They're all doing this.
39:48Yeah.
39:53I'm all right now.
39:54Great.
39:55Four.
39:56Ah, there's quite a big ladder.
39:57Oh, yep.
40:04Do you want a hand?
40:05No!
40:06I don't!
40:07You're going up Phil's ladder.
40:09But now I'm on Phil's snake.
40:11Yep.
40:12Does it activate again?
40:13It's not a single-use snake.
40:14Not a single-use snake.
40:16Oh, fuck.
40:17And then there's a five, okay?
40:19Three, four, five.
40:20Up to the top of there, down there.
40:22Four!
40:23Up the ladder, down the snake, back to the start.
40:25There we go again.
40:26Up the ladder, down the snake, back to the start.
40:28Done with this.
40:29One.
40:30Mazie's ladder.
40:31Yep.
40:32Can this be one?
40:33Will I ever be able to end it?
40:34Yeah, just with the right attitude.
40:36What do you mean?
40:37What's that supposed to mean?
40:39I've got to roll again, but I'm going to look at this.
40:42Hey, mate.
40:43Read the next one.
40:44Read the next one.
40:45Read the next note.
40:47How's things?
40:49PTO.
40:51Read the next one.
40:52Who did this?
40:53Phil.
40:55Go back to the start.
40:57Him to deserve this.
40:58I just did an antidote thing.
40:59It didn't affect anybody.
41:04Back down.
41:06Four.
41:07Nice.
41:08So you just think a five or a six?
41:09What did you say? A five or a six?
41:10Mm-hmm.
41:11Okay.
41:14Five.
41:15Five.
41:16Great.
41:17You're 15.
41:18You've cleared the ladder.
41:19Two.
41:20That's fine.
41:2117.
41:22Three.
41:23Six.
41:24Six.
41:2533.
41:26Five.
41:27Four.
41:28Six.
41:29Two.
41:30Three.
41:31Five.
41:3265.
41:33You've got to throw a seven to finish.
41:34Six.
41:35That's the worst you could have thrown.
41:38What's that again?
41:39I did tell you what you needed.
41:40Yeah, but the four is in this.
41:41It's just a bouncy stupid thing.
41:42You've got numbers on it.
41:43No.
41:44Spin downstairs.
41:45Three.
41:46You're at the base of Anya's ladder.
41:47And then I come all the way down.
41:48Follow it up and see what happens.
41:49Oh, my God!
41:50I did it.
41:51I did it.
41:52I did it.
41:53I did it.
41:54I did it.
41:55Can we swap seats?
41:56Can we swap seats?
41:57I mean, I've suggested there's a bumbling rage in you, Rhys, but I thought you were remarkably
42:18well-humoured, considering.
42:19Thank you, yeah.
42:21Except when you went, it's just a bouncy stupid thing, my numbers on.
42:25I thought maybe the cracks were starting to show then.
42:29It was a lot of bad luck in that.
42:31It looked like it took a lifetime.
42:33Yeah, I mean, it's not even about speed, it's the number of rolls, but he did take 42 minutes.
42:37So, same as with the twins, really.
42:39How many rolls?
42:4132 throws.
42:43And you did it in three and two and three?
42:45Yeah, two...
42:46Well, there's a system, you know, won't you know?
42:49Avoid the snake, really.
42:51LAUGHTER
42:53Not rocket science, mate.
42:55LAUGHTER
42:57We've got one point.
42:59Two points to Anya, three throws, three points to Phil, but they both got two throws, so they get five points each.
43:05The winners are Maisie and Sanjee.
43:07There it is!
43:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:11Good.
43:12It is, of course, now time to head to the stage for the final task of the show!
43:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:19Who will be reading the task yet?
43:25Rhys Shearsmith, please.
43:27Turn your cup triangle completely upside down.
43:32Oh!
43:33Your upside-down cup triangle must be freestanding and you must obey the instructions written on each layer.
43:41If any cups fall, you must completely start again.
43:45Mm-hm.
43:46You may not affect other people's cup triangles.
43:50Wait, what do you...? What does it mean?
43:52I'm not finished.
43:53Oh.
43:54LAUGHTER
43:55Fastest wins.
43:56LAUGHTER
43:58On your mark.
43:59Get set.
44:00BUZZER
44:01And they're off.
44:02Right hand behind back.
44:03Right hand behind back.
44:04Oh, barbocks.
44:05LAUGHTER
44:07This is interesting.
44:08Right eye shut.
44:09Right eye shut.
44:10Right eye shut.
44:11She's bypassed the first two instructions.
44:12There's no rules against that, I suppose.
44:14Right foot off the ground.
44:16What?
44:17Right foot off the ground.
44:18Right foot off the ground.
44:19Oh.
44:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:22So, you need to rebuild your triangle.
44:23Fuck off!
44:24Well...
44:29Oh, Sanjeev!
44:30Mouth-open, tongue-out groaning.
44:32GROANING.
44:33Ah!
44:34Ah!
44:35Ah!
44:36Oh, that's...
44:37Ah!
44:38Ah!
44:39Ah!
44:40You can start again, please, Maisie.
44:41You can start again, please, Maisie.
44:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:47Oh, lovely.
44:48Right foot off the ground.
44:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:53I'm very sorry to say that Rhys has not turned it upside down.
44:58She's turned hers upside down.
45:00What?!
45:01Oh, Rhys, the cups are the wrong way up.
45:05Oh, my God!
45:07Ah!
45:08Ah!
45:09Ah!
45:10Ah!
45:11Ah!
45:12Ah!
45:13Ah!
45:14Ah!
45:15Ah!
45:16Ah!
45:17Ah!
45:18Ah!
45:19Ah!
45:20Ah!
45:21Ah!
45:22Ah!
45:23Ah!
45:24Ah!
45:25Ah!
45:26Ah!
45:27Ah!
45:29Oh!
45:30Ah!
45:31Ah!
45:32Ah!
45:33Ah, ah!
45:34Ah!
45:35Ah!
45:36Ah!
45:37Ah!
45:38Ah, ah, ah!
45:39Ah, ah!
45:40Ah!
45:41Ah!
45:43Ah, ah!
45:44goblin out!
45:47A
45:47«C formed
45:49a
45:49ah
45:50w
45:54w
45:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:59Wow. Mm. That's exciting stuff. Yes.
46:03So, Rhys got one point on that one. Maisie, two. Sanjeev, three. Phil, four.
46:06But the winner of the task was Anya, with five points.
46:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:12I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But the winner of the episode,
46:15with 19 points, it is...
46:18Maisie Adams!
46:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:22Maisie Adams wins!
46:25Please, high cup to the stage for your unlikely high cup prizes!
46:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:31So, what have we learnt today?
46:35Well, I believe we've learnt the very definition of victory.
46:38Is it the person with the most points? No.
46:41Is it the person who heads home with the prizes? No.
46:45The definition of victory is getting a fellow competitor
46:48to take home a vial of your own piss.
46:51LAUGHTER
46:52We'll see you next time.
46:53But for now, here's the episode winner, Maisie Adams!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:03marginalize off the scene!
47:05What's the point?
47:06...of the game?
47:07...o-ing, it works.
47:08I've remained craquent!
47:09厚 Starbucks f foe,
47:26.
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