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00:00You
00:30It's not the one there.
01:00Hello! Hello!
01:12Thank you! Welcome! I'm Greg Davis.
01:16Imagine, if you will, a world where the greatest from any era
01:20could be pitted against one another.
01:22Peak Muhammad Ali clashing with the raging youth of Tyson.
01:26Borg trading rally upon rally with Federer.
01:29Simone Biles and Olga Corbett throwing impossible shapes
01:32on the same bars.
01:33Oh, it's a tantalising prospect, isn't it?
01:36Now, forget all that,
01:38and let's see some comedians doing stupid stuff.
01:41Welcome to the Taskmaster, champion of champions!
01:47Please welcome back the winners from series 16 to 20,
01:52Andy Zaltzman!
01:56John Robin!
01:58Maisie Edda!
02:00Matthew Baker!
02:02And Sam Campbell!
02:08And next to me, a man who tells me that,
02:10unlike the vast majority of the United Kingdom,
02:13he found the felling of the sycamore gap tree absolutely hilarious.
02:17It's...
02:21He-he-he!
02:22Little Alex Hart!
02:27Hello, Greg. Hello, everyone.
02:29It's the champion of champions.
02:31It must be a tough, tough prize category, am I right?
02:34Oh, he's always right, although he dresses to the left.
02:39And the prize category is the biggest betrayal.
02:42Ooh.
02:43Yes.
02:44The audience were right to ooh.
02:46Enough respect.
02:48Greg will give five points for the biggest betrayal
02:49in what is probably the only time ever
02:51that celebrities being duplicitous on television
02:53are rewarded and celebrated.
02:55Hmm.
02:56Right.
02:57Let us begin.
02:58Hello, Andy.
02:59Hello, Greg.
03:00What betrayal have you brought in for this,
03:02most auspicious of occasions?
03:03Well, I brought in the official Taskmaster book.
03:07OK, well, this is the book.
03:08Oh.
03:09So there you go.
03:10Definitive truth.
03:11Definitive truth.
03:12The real story by the real star.
03:14Oh, but the real betrayal is...
03:19I'm going to have to take you to the index, Greg.
03:21Look at that.
03:22Oh.
03:23Not a single mention, mate.
03:24Look at this.
03:25Look at this.
03:26Look at this.
03:31It hurts big time.
03:33It's a big betrayal.
03:34It's a big betrayal.
03:35It's a strong opener.
03:36Can you beat that, John,
03:37a book that doesn't even mention me?
03:39Would it not impress you more
03:41to betray the only person on earth
03:43you want to be betrayed?
03:45Alex, two months ago,
03:46you received an e-mail from me.
03:48Here it is.
03:49Sorry to ask,
03:50but my pal is running a charity auction
03:51and he's a big Horn Section fan,
03:53as if...
03:56Did you sort out a few signed posters?
03:58Cheers, mate.
03:59And I think I did provide the posters.
04:00Yes, you did.
04:01So what there was,
04:02was a Horn Section show
04:04in the Aylesbury Waterside Theatre.
04:07Yeah, we're doing quite well.
04:08Yeah.
04:10So I added Alex's signed posters
04:12for the audience to see
04:14as they walked into the show,
04:15but I did annotate them
04:17somewhat with my own messages.
04:19First off, a career low.
04:25Aylesbury is a syphilis hotspot.
04:31Only here to escape our Harrodon wives.
04:35Exemplary.
04:36Strong.
04:38This is strong.
04:39Who's next?
04:40Maisie.
04:41Well, I've not betrayed either of you.
04:43I have betrayed my fellow competitors.
04:46Oh!
04:47Oh!
04:48Yes.
04:49So there's a lot of chat forums
04:51where people want to know behind-the-scenes goss
04:54about comedians,
04:56specifically some of you guys.
04:59And the day I came home from winning my series,
05:02I set up a fake account on this chat forum
05:05to contribute scathing rumours
05:08about these lovely men.
05:10All right.
05:12So...
05:13Somebody was basically wanting some tea
05:16on the UK comedy scene,
05:17so I came straight in with,
05:18well, before a gig,
05:19Andy Zaltzman kept asking if tampons were a myth.
05:22And then I thought I'd add in,
05:23with my good friend Matt Bainton here,
05:25that I also worked with Matt Bainton,
05:26and when I said I liked football,
05:27he made me list the starting 11
05:28of the past five FA Cup winners.
05:29Luckily for you, I didn't discuss you on the chat forum.
05:32I discussed you in the very big WhatsApp group
05:34that is for female comedians.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:36Here we go!
05:38I mean, I said, first of all,
05:39Sam Campbell referred to me as that lady comic
05:41throughout the entire time.
05:42I thought I'd add in with my good friend Matt Bainton here
05:43that I also worked with Matt Bainton,
05:44and when I said I liked football,
05:45he made me list the starting 11
05:46of the past five FA Cup winners.
05:47Luckily for you,
05:48I didn't discuss you on the chat forum.
05:49I discussed you in the very big WhatsApp group
05:51that is for female comedians.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:59And John Robbins starts all of his sentences around women
06:14with the phrase,
06:15as one of the few good men left in comedy.
06:18LAUGHTER
06:20That's Katherine Ryan.
06:21Yeah.
06:22Saying gross!
06:24Saying gross.
06:25And you didn't tell them it was a wind-up,
06:27you just put...
06:28No.
06:29It's...
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31This is lovely.
06:32Matthew.
06:33Well, I felt the biggest possible betrayal here
06:37would be to betray this show.
06:39Oh!
06:40On a very big public scale,
06:42so this is what I did.
06:49I wonder if you could possibly have heard that way.
06:52LAUGHTER
06:54That is nice.
06:55And, I would say, expensive.
06:56750 pounds.
06:57Ooh!
06:58The scale of it is lovely.
06:59Yeah.
07:00Sam.
07:01Well, yeah, I think it is a betrayal
07:02that there is only one female comedian
07:03on this entire dais.
07:04Yeah.
07:05So you listen here, Mr Alex Horne,
07:07and you listen here, Mr Greg Walters...
07:09G-Davis?
07:10LAUGHTER
07:11Because I think it's about time someone taught you the alphabet.
07:14A to Z.
07:15LAUGHTER
07:16LAUGHTER
07:17I go on a shopping spree with Aisling B.
07:19And Bridget Christie makes my eyes misty.
07:21Oh, Catherine Boha, you are just so smart.
07:22Dame Ender should've been played by a woman.
07:24Because I think it's about time someone taught you the alphabet, A to Z.
07:36I go on a shopping spree with Aisling B. And Bridget Christie makes my eyes misty.
07:42Oh, Catherine Boha, you are just so smart. Dame Ender should have been played by a woman.
07:47Oh, the colour may be giddy like that ever city. Fatia El Gorey has the best Instagram stories.
07:52Can't hold a candle to our Grace Campbell.
07:54I'm crying in my silence on female comedians.
08:04Harriet Kemsley, hope you're getting your REM sleep while joking on putty from sweet Izzy Soddy.
08:09Put your hands on the air for Jenny and Claire. There should be a monument to Gary Goleman.
08:14Lucy Beaumont, this is your moment. Forget Aladdin, wish to see Maisie Adam.
08:18Natasha Dimitri, every TV show should feature you.
08:21Female comedians, I want you to hold me accountable.
08:23Sketch goes over gold because of Olivia Colman.
08:26Patty Harrison, there is no comparison.
08:28Queen Latifah is in some comedy movies.
08:31Rosie Jones, I want to make words.
08:33Sarah Millican, make another from silicon.
08:36Tati McLeod, is cloning allowed?
08:38Can I get a multi-pack of a rouge ash rack?
08:41And what about the female comedians from other planets?
08:43Vorg is talking the talk.
08:45She's got a new podcast showing her thoughts.
08:48Machinta Koala, you're a comedy master.
08:50I'd like to pick your brains over a tikka masala.
08:53Sontorial Sork, I heard your podcast with Vorg.
08:55Man, you guys have such a nice talk.
08:57Yeefit and you, your last special was you.
09:00I heard you instead of laughing, you goop.
09:02Zoe Lyons, broader sky horizons.
09:05I'm breaking my silence.
09:07APPLAUSE
09:20OK.
09:24Who are you portraying?
09:27Oh, I brought in a special glove.
09:31Yeah, this is what Sam has actually brought in.
09:33LAUGHTER
09:38OK.
09:40OK.
09:43Can I go back to my original question?
09:46Who are you portraying?
09:48No, no, I'm saying that we feel betrayed by you
09:50and your nasty little boys club.
09:55A lot of them have been on Taskmaster.
09:58That is a good point.
10:00LAUGHTER
10:01Well, here are my scores.
10:03You ready?
10:04Cool.
10:05I'm going to give Sam one point,
10:06because I don't think you know who you've portrayed.
10:10Andy Zaltseman, two points, seems fair.
10:12John, three points.
10:14Matthew Bainston, four points, because I like the scale of it.
10:17And who else can I give five points to but Maisie Adam?
10:20Well done, Maisie Adam.
10:21She wins the title!
10:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:23All right, let's let this filmous battle begin!
10:28Oh, yes.
10:29And first up, it's Verses followed by Curses.
10:33So cool.
10:50Hello.
10:51Hi, Maisie.
10:52John Robbins.
10:53Alex Horne.
10:58Ta-da!
10:59There he is.
11:00Hello, Anders.
11:01Hi, Sam.
11:04How have you been since the victory?
11:06Yeah, good.
11:07I haven't had any acting work.
11:10Would you say that's a coincidence or...?
11:13I've got to ask, how's your back?
11:15Yeah.
11:16All right.
11:17OK.
11:18I did wrestling.
11:19I wasn't dressed as a nun when I did that.
11:20But I landed on my back, so that's happened.
11:22Great.
11:23I'm a drugged up nun with a guitar, essentially.
11:29Write, memorise and perform the most powerful poem about being a champion.
11:33You must perform the entirety of your poem sat on the special chair.
11:36You have 15 minutes to write and memorise your poem, then a maximum of five minutes to perform it.
11:41Most powerful champion poem performance wins.
11:45Your time starts now.
11:48Can't be that difficult. Shakespeare churned him out, didn't he?
11:51There is a whiff of Shakespeare about you.
11:54I used to write a lot of poetry back in the day.
11:57I would write lots of pretty moving poems about girls who didn't fancy me.
12:01Oh.
12:02Did that change?
12:03No.
12:04Lady repellent.
12:05This is how I'll remember it.
12:06I think they're called acrostic poems.
12:08I'll defo remember it, cos I've just got to remember what it is I'm spelling,
12:12which is going to be champion.
12:14OK, so now it's just learning time.
12:16Mm-hm.
12:17I need more time.
12:18I need more time.
12:19Sorry.
12:36I see.
12:37It's not a chair.
12:38A chair is something you sit on.
12:39That's a chair.
12:40That is not a definition of a chair.
12:41It's a chair.
12:42It's a special chair.
12:43It's not a chair.
12:44APPLAUSE
12:49Well, well, well.
12:50Seeing them all come in one by one,
12:52it really did make me question my judgements over the series.
12:56The Sister Bad Back and The Four Trolls.
13:00Let's have a look.
13:01First to orate and gyrate, yes, in those shorts...
13:06..is Matthew Bainton.
13:08I'm going to swing on this way for obvious reasons.
13:11LAUGHTER
13:16OK.
13:18A champion wins.
13:19A champion...
13:20Fucking hell.
13:22A champion wins.
13:24A champion defeats.
13:26A champion destroys.
13:28A champion never cheats.
13:32But after the battle,
13:34after the fight,
13:36what keeps a champion up at night?
13:38The champion's burden.
13:40The champion's...
13:42The champion's burden.
13:43The champion's curse.
13:45When all is done,
13:47there can be...
13:48only one!
13:50APPLAUSE
13:51Pretty powerful stuff.
13:52Because it's not just about what it takes to be a champion,
14:06it's about what it costs to be a champion.
14:08And what it costs is your acting career.
14:10Yes.
14:12Despite the ghoulies, it was a strong poem.
14:15OK, one part of our final is done,
14:17and it's so good to have our old friends back.
14:19Yes, it is.
14:20In fact, I put together a little highlight reel
14:22and I thought we could watch that before the break.
14:24If you'd like to see it, Greg?
14:25Oh, yeah.
14:26That's a good idea.
14:27Why don't you just marry them?
14:28Here's some adverts.
14:29APPLAUSE
14:30Hello.
14:31Welcome back to this tremendous tussle of the Tusk Titans.
14:45Yes.
14:46And it's nice to see Sam Campbell again too, isn't it?
14:48So...
14:50Before the break,
14:51they were performing the most powerful poem
14:53about being a champion whilst riding a bucking bronco.
14:56Now, back on the ball we go with Randy Zaltzman.
15:05Are you wearing a box?
15:06Yes, I am.
15:08The world where once the penguin feared to tread,
15:12now bestrode by this titan of Tarskmerian fate,
15:17who wields the sacred willow,
15:19and on his head that helmet showing the world that's...
15:24Where have we got to?
15:28Showing the world.
15:31It's never too late
15:33to grasp from the chasm of eternal gloom
15:35a sprig of hope.
15:37Or thus, the champion of series 18
15:39who sprang in triumph from human womb.
15:41Proof of the world that Richard can be seen
15:42even in a hero who's over 50.
15:44Ah!
15:45Ah!
15:46Fucking...
15:47I'm still holding on to it.
15:56You're fine, you're fine.
15:57Our victory can be seen,
15:58even in a hero who's over 50,
16:01balding, quite out of shape and locked,
16:03in Alex Horn's dark and task-filled, harrowing room.
16:08The end.
16:09Finish?
16:10You're finished, mate.
16:11Thank you for the poem, Andy.
16:13You're an evil fucking bastard.
16:22Well, it was supposed to be a poet doing a powerful performance.
16:26Honestly, what I've written down is it was a bit like
16:28watching an old man fail a medical.
16:31LAUGHTER
16:32Well, potato-potato, you know.
16:34Who's next?
16:36Next up, it's the turn of John Robbins
16:38to recite his poem
16:39whilst having his nipples tossed all over the place.
16:42LAUGHTER
16:45But you can't just need to make one adjustment.
16:47LAUGHTER
16:49There we go.
16:50Hemberton.
16:52Blessed dweeb of cryptic.
16:54Willan and Mohammed.
16:56Crowd-pleasing.
16:57Thick-o-diptic.
16:58McNally.
16:59Pants!
17:00Ooh!
17:01Prosecco smile and Monroe nose.
17:03Our champion in Freddie pose.
17:05Hi-ya!
17:06Ow!
17:07Our champion with record score.
17:09Robbins, they cry.
17:11Let him rain once more!
17:13Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
17:25Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
17:26OK!
17:27You got to level one with that one.
17:29On that one, but on other ones I got to the max, didn't I?
17:31APPLAUSE
17:32Oh, what have you been told?
17:36APPLAUSE
17:37You were writing about your fellow contestants as well.
17:39Yes.
17:40When you first got on, you were like,
17:42When you first got on, you said you had to make an adjustment.
17:44Yes. And I wrote down, I thought that maybe
17:47you were putting part of you inside of you.
17:49LAUGHTER
17:53No, I was very much just ensuring that the Robins' lineage
17:57of champions can continue... LAUGHTER
18:00Good. Who's next?
18:01It is the time of Sam Campbell and Maisie.
18:07Oh.
18:09What? Are you joking?
18:11That's the magic chair?
18:13It's a special chair, yeah. Special chair.
18:16I've told you I've got a back injury, and you thought,
18:19yeah, bubber on there.
18:21You look like you're going to give birth.
18:22LAUGHTER
18:24Oh, far out!
18:26Oh, my God. Life is insane.
18:29Some people say it's a game of snakes and ladders.
18:32Champion of champions!
18:34How did we get here?
18:36Ah! So many blood, sweat and tears.
18:40A ladder, and something happens not nice!
18:43Many have failed, but not I.
18:46Pushing through, tusk after tusk, with my eyes...
18:49Oh! On the prize.
18:52And the real champions are nurses and people who design hospitals
18:55and people who have trouble change!
18:57In pursuit of Big Daddy Greg's approval...
19:02And, of course, Roger Federer and Carlos Alcares!
19:05Oh, I'm here to stay.
19:08Ain't no removal!
19:09LAUGHTER
19:11And I'm going to pass over to...
19:12...Elequan!
19:14LAUGHTER
19:15Everyone's talking about this guy.
19:18They're not all playing good, though.
19:20Blue Horizons beckon.
19:22Victory again?
19:24You reckon?
19:25Would you like me to stop the magic carpet?
19:26Yes.
19:28And that's the life of a champion.
19:30LAUGHTER
19:32Maisie, thank you for your powerful performance.
19:34You're a lawsuit waiting to happen.
19:36LAUGHTER
19:37Just so you know.
19:38APPLAUSE
19:40That's honestly one of the saddest things I've ever seen.
19:48You look like you're microwaving me.
19:50LAUGHTER
19:53I remember it being quicker and thinking,
19:57this'll look cool.
19:58LAUGHTER
19:59It did not.
20:01LAUGHTER
20:03Sam, the poem was rubbish.
20:04Yes, it's also not the poem he wrote in the room.
20:07In the room he wrote,
20:08Everyone is a champion. Roger Federer.
20:10I feel 100%.
20:11My life has been amazing.
20:12Lonely at the top.
20:13LAUGHTER
20:15LAUGHTER
20:17APPLAUSE
20:20It's time to score, Greg.
20:21Well, I sort of felt the same about Andy and Sam's, really.
20:25I could only give them two points because of the criteria of the poem.
20:28Right, two points.
20:29So I'm going to give them two points each.
20:31To Sam and Andy.
20:31That's correct.
20:32Now, I do think, you know, you're a physical disadvantage
20:35because you had a terrible wrestling injury.
20:37But I just don't think we can...
20:39No, I get what you're saying.
20:40You're saying three points and get back in the kitchen.
20:41I hear you.
20:42LAUGHTER
20:44And then, I think, Matt, you couldn't hold on long enough
20:47to give your poem the audience it deserved.
20:49Whereas John held on, he slagged off his fellow contestants,
20:54and he did it in a very powerful way.
20:56Four points and five points, and that's an end to it.
20:58APPLAUSE
20:59I'd like to see a champion's scoreboard, please.
21:04Three of the champions cannot be wrought apart.
21:07Matt, Maisie and John all have eight points.
21:09Oh-ho!
21:11Also, Andy and Sam are there, four and three.
21:15Then let us see the champions tusk some more.
21:18OK, we've had poetic metres, and now for two more metres
21:22in a race against time.
21:41Hey, Matt.
21:45It's cold, Alex.
21:46Hello.
21:47Oh.
21:48How are you?
21:49You look a little bit...
21:50Stiff.
21:51There's your task.
21:53Right by the start line.
21:55Oh, what have you got in store for me?
21:57Oh, don't do this to me!
21:59No!
22:00Oh, you're cruel.
22:03Oh, wow.
22:11You all right?
22:12Win the two-metre race.
22:16First to break the tape wins.
22:20You must start the race after the starter's bang
22:23and behind the starting line.
22:25If any part of your body moves beyond the starting line...
22:28Or you break the tape before the starter's bang,
22:32you are disqualified.
22:35Finally, every time the bike wheel stops spinning,
22:39your final time will be doubled.
22:41And throughout the task, you must big yourself up.
22:44Like, give myself compliments...
22:46Yeah.
22:47..and make myself feel nice.
22:48You don't want that wheel to stop.
22:50I know, dude!
22:59Did anyone understand this task?
23:01No.
23:02No, no.
23:03It really did cause confusion, didn't it?
23:04Yes.
23:05It's a two-metre sprint.
23:06That's all you need to do.
23:07Shall we start the race?
23:08OK.
23:09First up, it's Series 17 versus Series 19.
23:12That's right.
23:13It's Matthew on your marks, Luke and John.
23:17What are you doing?
23:18Taking the bike off so I can ride the bike.
23:21Do you want a tool?
23:22I don't need a tool.
23:24I am a tool.
23:27So there's no other course?
23:29No, this is the course.
23:30It's a two-metre running track.
23:31That's it.
23:32I'm the best.
23:34I've got this.
23:35Where's the starter?
23:36I just don't know.
23:37He works independently from me or she.
23:45Why is there someone in there?
23:51OK.
23:52I got eight minutes and 19 seconds before the bang.
23:54Right.
23:55But I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my time.
23:57Bigging yourself up, John.
23:59Do I need to big myself up any bigger?
24:04It's a weighting, isn't it?
24:05Yeah, but I'm good at weighting.
24:12That's now safe.
24:13It's secure.
24:14Six.
24:15Five.
24:16Four.
24:17Three.
24:20A specific...
24:21You've completed the course after the bang.
24:29Yeah.
24:33Don't keep that bit in.
24:39Well, I think both men made the mistake of thinking that this task
24:41was cleverer than it is, basically.
24:43You were even looking for another course at one point, weren't you?
24:45Yeah, it was the amount of time.
24:47Yeah.
24:48I've thought about it so much since.
24:50I was sure that I would come here tonight and watch it
24:52and find out there was a whole other aspect.
24:54Mm.
24:55Waiting, hiding somewhere.
24:56There wasn't.
24:57There wasn't.
24:58It was just really scary.
24:59There wasn't.
25:00You're not going to tell us times now, I wouldn't think.
25:02Let's see some more then.
25:03OK.
25:04Two more men now.
25:05Sorry, Maisie.
25:06But they're not particularly manly men, because it's Sam and Andy.
25:08You think you're better than me?
25:09So, you don't want that wheel...
25:10I'm one of the best ever.
25:11Right.
25:12Oh, he's flying.
25:13Right.
25:14Can I move this?
25:15You do whatever you want.
25:16You've been talking about me behind my back?
25:17I'll tell you why you're behind my back.
25:18Cos you are in my shadow.
25:19And you are nothing to...
25:20And I'll...
25:21Yeah.
25:22I mean, this has been one of the most impressive displays
25:23of moving Alex Horne on a bicycle.
25:24Yeah.
25:25Can I move the tape?
25:26No.
25:27Can I move the tape?
25:28No.
25:29Can I move the tape?
25:30So, you're just going to do that and wait for the back?
25:31Yeah.
25:32Are you familiar with voodoo dolls?
25:33You piss me off sometimes.
25:34I don't know what it's like talking to you.
25:35Well, the tape's gone now.
25:36Yeah, you've got to stay this side of the starters line.
25:37The starters line?
25:38Oh, I'm sorry.
25:39I'm sorry.
25:40I'm sorry.
25:41I'm sorry.
25:42I'm sorry.
25:43I'm sorry.
25:44I'm sorry.
25:45I'm sorry.
25:46I'm sorry.
25:47I'm sorry.
25:48I'm sorry.
25:49I'm sorry.
25:50I'm sorry.
25:51I'm sorry.
25:52I'm sorry.
25:53I'm sorry.
25:54I'm sorry.
25:55Oh, shit.
25:57My arm is getting sore, dude.
26:00Is it?
26:01Can I just ask?
26:02Yeah.
26:03So, I'll...
26:04The bang will happen, I spin it, then I run.
26:06No, the wheel's got to spin the whole time.
26:08Every time you stop it, your final time has doubled.
26:16I need to find a starter now.
26:18Do you think Baten's doing this?
26:20Oh, Baten's just perfect.
26:22Oh, Baten.
26:23Oh, didn't you see Baten?
26:24Oh, Baten's just great.
26:29What?
26:30Can you press that?
26:39Oh, I just saw Baten in the play.
26:41It was scrumptious.
26:42OK, thank you.
26:54OK.
27:01Andy, I think you went off to have sex with an effigy of actors.
27:04If not, we just watched the cricket together.
27:05Sam, you spent a lot of the time sarcastically reviewing Matthew Baten's latest play.
27:16Yeah.
27:17I think that's like jealousy, and green doesn't look good on me, and I apologise, and it's
27:21just, yeah, jealousy.
27:22Honestly, I think you're the thinking woman's crumpet, and...
27:26Seriously.
27:30We're halfway through this champion of champions showdown, and already it's incredibly, absolutely incredible that any of them ever won a series.
27:38And now, Alex is going to do an impression of one of the Beatles.
27:44Hello.
27:45Ringo?
27:46Yes, it was Ringo.
27:47Hello.
27:48Welcome back to the third part of this riveting competition.
28:02There is one race left.
28:04Her body might not have been match fit, but what about her brain?
28:07Let's find out.
28:08It is Maisie Adams.
28:09Oh.
28:13We'll just move this closer, won't we?
28:15Do you need a hand because of your terrible back injury?
28:17Yeah.
28:18Come on.
28:19That's it, that's it.
28:20Here?
28:21No, keep going.
28:22Right, just bob it there.
28:23Bob it here?
28:24Yep.
28:28Maybe I could tie something to it, and then the moment I hear the bang, break it.
28:33Uh-huh.
28:34Could you go and get me some string?
28:35String.
28:36String.
28:37String.
28:38Great.
28:39Well done.
28:46Am I looking at the starter now?
28:47No, the starter's not one of these people.
28:52Are you the starter?
28:54Yeah.
28:55Do you...
28:56Do I...
28:57Are you...
29:02Sorry.
29:03Just grab your butt.
29:07Oh, you've got the button.
29:08Yep.
29:09Right.
29:12Three, two, one.
29:17You've broken the finish line after the bang very fast.
29:19See ya.
29:20Thanks, Maisie.
29:26Well, you broke the tape.
29:28Have I done well?
29:29I think you've done really well.
29:31Fuck off.
29:34Surely she can't be beaten.
29:36Let's find out.
29:37Well, we can see all five running at the same time.
29:39Yes, please.
29:40It's time for this year's two-metre race.
29:43Three, two, one.
29:45BUZZER
29:47Well, Sam was penalised for not spinning the wheel, particularly.
30:05Yes.
30:06Sam, your wheel's stopped 21 times.
30:10So we have to double 6.11 seconds 21 times,
30:15which works out as 213,500 minutes,
30:20which is 21 weeks.
30:24Sorry, 0.01?
30:26Yeah.
30:27Is my time?
30:28Yeah.
30:29I'm so...
30:30Honestly, put that on my gravestone.
30:33In top-level athletics...
30:35Oh, no.
30:36If you go within 0.1 second of the gun going off,
30:39it's considered to be a false start,
30:41because that's beyond the scope of human reactions.
30:43Zaltzman, shut the fuck up!
30:45LAUGHTER
30:46So, Greg, are you happy with all the performances?
30:48I'm happy with all the performances,
30:50and nothing Zaltzman can say can change my mind on that.
30:52In which case, Sam gets one point, Andy two, John three,
30:55Matt four, but Maisie Allen gets five points!
30:57Nice!
30:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:00OK.
31:03Lovely.
31:04Do we have one more tough task for our champs to tackle?
31:07Oh, yes, we do.
31:08And just like you, Greg, it's bold, it's big,
31:10and it's really very simple.
31:13LAUGHTER
31:14Oh, wow.
31:28Hello, Sam.
31:29Ooh.
31:30Who's that?
31:31It is I, Matthew Bainton.
31:34What the...? What's going on in here?
31:37Hello, Maisie.
31:38Hello.
31:39Hello.
31:40OK.
31:44Oh, that is good.
31:51Oh, right on.
31:55Be brilliant for a minute.
31:57Most brilliant minute wins.
31:59You have a total of 20 minutes.
32:01Your time starts now.
32:05I mean, it just would be tiresome if I got a guitar out again,
32:08wouldn't it?
32:09What if it's all of history in the minute?
32:13Oh, yeah.
32:14We've got Primordial, obviously Cave People.
32:16Bronze Age?
32:17Huns.
32:18Attila the Hun.
32:19Yes, Attila the Hun.
32:20This is good.
32:22I've got an idea.
32:23Oh.
32:24I want to play a game.
32:26I mean, they say you stick to what you know,
32:28but mostly what I know is cricket stats.
32:30Yeah, I'm gonna go and have a think.
32:32Oh, right, OK.
32:33Don't look at him.
32:34It's just too much.
32:39I think I'm just gonna do Attila the Hun.
32:43The life of Attila the Hun in a minute.
32:45Yeah.
32:46APPLAUSE
32:51However brilliant what we're about to see is,
32:53for me, nothing's gonna be as brilliant as Matthew blinding
32:56himself and then smashing into small numbers.
32:59LAUGHTER
33:00OK.
33:01Well, two brilliant champions, first of all, Andy and Maisie.
33:23Andy?
33:24I'm down here.
33:26Maisie?
33:28Maisie?
33:30Maisie?
33:32Yes?
33:33Yes?
33:34OK.
33:351,080!
33:41Maisie?
33:42Maisie?
33:43Maisie?
33:45LZ.
33:50LAUGHTER
33:52MAISIE?
33:53MAISIE?
33:54MAISIE?
33:56MAISIE?
33:57MAISIE?
33:58You've got three seconds left.
34:00You've got three seconds.
34:06Right. There we go.
34:09Ah. None in a bush.
34:11None in a bush. None in a bush. You were in there.
34:13Yeah, being brilliant at hiding.
34:16OK, thanks, Maisie.
34:25This is a bit of wordplay by you, isn't it? Minute.
34:28Well, you just never know on this show what the hidden meanings are.
34:31Yeah.
34:32Most brilliant minute or most brilliant minute wins.
34:35Oh, oh.
34:37It's clever.
34:38I love that little Andy, by the way.
34:40I love little Andy as well.
34:42He did lots of brilliant things. Thank you.
34:44Maisie, how did you think it went?
34:50Genuinely, on the day, I thought, smash this.
34:54I mean, I couldn't find her. I didn't know what she was doing.
34:56She left and I couldn't find her.
34:58And isn't that brilliant?
34:59You'd think you'd spotted none in a bush.
35:02No, she's fully inside the bush.
35:04I mean, they could be all those.
35:09Family show, Greg.
35:12She was fully inside the bush.
35:15OK, who's next?
35:16Now for a man who could do with some even more brilliant pants,
35:19it's Matt Bainton.
35:20WHAT ARE YOU sicurize?
35:23Matt Bainton.
35:24SOUND
35:25LIKE
35:30MUSIC
35:35Archives
35:37sort
35:50LAUGHTER
36:16I'm going to be brilliant.
36:18The sun is the most brilliant thing...
36:21Isn't it? ..in our solar system.
36:23It is.
36:2435.7 octillion lumens.
36:27The projector at IMAX is only 4,000, so that's great.
36:30LAUGHTER
36:31There wasn't the facts about the sun.
36:34No, there was the sun.
36:35You adapted your face to look like something, which is also what I did.
36:39And that was critically panned.
36:42But I didn't realise it.
36:43Critically panned?
36:45LAUGHTER
36:47Matthew, I thought it was powerful.
36:49Oh, you would.
36:50LAUGHTER
36:51There is just one part left for our champions.
36:54Who will win and take my headless body
36:56and attach my head to it, which they already own,
36:59and then what will they do with me?
37:02LAUGHTER
37:03APPLAUSE
37:13Welcome back.
37:14Here we are, then.
37:15Mere moments from a former champion rising head and shoulders,
37:19above the rest to become the ultra-champ.
37:21But first, let's finish this brilliant task.
37:23We simply must.
37:24And it's time for the final two guys to be brilliant for a minute.
37:28It's Sam and John.
37:36Welcome to the 60 Second Game Show,
37:38where the crew of Taskmaster are going to compete
37:40to get money to their chosen charities.
37:42We've got a minute on the clock.
37:44Alex is going to blow his whistle.
37:45Our crew are going to shout out their charities
37:47and throw the ducks into the buckets,
37:49which have...
37:51didn't...
37:52didn't see that, didn't agree to that,
37:53and that's fine.
37:54Alex, are you ready to be brilliant for a minute?
37:56Yes, please.
37:57OK, let's do some bloody good.
37:59And we're off.
38:00The Hospice of St. Francis.
38:02Oh, well, that went in the hundreds.
38:03Did it?
38:04Yeah, it did.
38:05Yeah, it did.
38:06Markinson's.
38:07Markinson's, that was in.
38:08And, as we know, they come out.
38:10That counts.
38:11Straight forward in the streets.
38:12Chelsea UK.
38:14Mind mental health?
38:16Well, that was basically it.
38:25Let's get a coffee, please.
38:26Welcome to Attila's,
38:27the cafe where we think Attila the Hon is just so much fun.
38:31We love Attila the Hon!
38:33Kids Against Hunger.
38:35Dream flight.
38:36Or two!
38:37And you helped that one in and I'm glad.
38:39There you go!
38:40You.
38:41That'll be 350.
38:42All right.
38:43Card?
38:44Card's great.
38:45Great Ormond Street.
38:46Lovely.
38:47Ten seconds left.
38:48And that's counting.
38:49It's nice if someone goes for one of these little red ones.
38:51Not bad.
38:52Lovely.
38:53And that's going in...
38:54150.
38:55And that's 150.
38:56Very generous, John.
38:57Thanks.
38:59It's close to a grand.
39:00It's close to a grand.
39:01And...
39:03Charity Matters.
39:05Thanks, John.
39:06There you go.
39:07Thank you so much.
39:08Great, thank you.
39:09Actually, I'm so sorry, but I don't want to receive.
39:18Welcome to Attila's.
39:20Welcome to Attila's.
39:21Welcome to Attila's.
39:22The cafe where we think Attila the Hon is just so much fun.
39:26It's just so much fun.
39:27It's just so much fun.
39:28It's just so much fun.
39:29It's just so much fun.
39:42We have to support local businesses and local, like, cafes.
39:47I'm sick of the chains.
39:48I think it's brilliant that you raised that money.
39:49I do.
39:50I don't think the game show is brilliant.
39:51OK, sorry I raised so much money for charity.
39:52What was the name of the game show?
39:53The 60 Second Game Show.
39:54I just think why go with that title when you had Chuck It, Duck It, Book It right there?
39:59Can I just say, I can't stop thinking about Little Andy.
40:00I want to see him having, like, a regular-sized meal.
40:01Like, imagine, like, the pizza that we would have.
40:02But it's Little Andy having that.
40:03And, like, where does he live?
40:04And, like, what does he get up to?
40:05All I'm saying is I'm pretty much addicted to Little Andy.
40:06Yeah.
40:07I don't think the game show is brilliant.
40:08I don't think the game show is brilliant.
40:09I don't think the game show is brilliant.
40:10OK, sorry I raised so much money for charity.
40:11What was the name of the game show?
40:12What was the name of the game show?
40:13The 60 Second Game Show.
40:14I just think why go with that title when you had Chuck It, Duck It, Book It, Book It,
40:15right there?
40:16What was the name of Little Andy?
40:17I want to see him having, like, a regular-sized meal.
40:20Like, imagine, like, the pizza that we would have.
40:22But it's Little Andy having that.
40:23And, like, where does he live?
40:24And, like, what does he get up to?
40:25All I'm saying is I'm pretty much addicted to Little Andy.
40:28Yeah.
40:29Right.
40:30The Till of the Hunut was a fairly awful, murderous...
40:33The Scourge of God was his nickname.
40:35Yeah.
40:36Ah, I thought this might come up.
40:39I think he used to, like, boil his enemies alive.
40:45I think you've got to separate the barista from the boiling.
40:48LAUGHTER
40:50OK, Ruddy, obviously, mate, you know.
40:54I mean, I enjoyed seeing her painted face green and hide in a bush,
40:57dressed as a nun, but it wasn't brilliant, one point.
40:59Oh, OK.
41:00I think it's brilliant that John raised money for charity.
41:02Right.
41:03But I thought his game show was terrible.
41:05I'm giving him two points.
41:07Two points to John, OK.
41:08I'm going to give Andy three points.
41:09OK.
41:10Matthew, I'm going to give four points.
41:12And I don't know why I'm doing it.
41:14I'm giving Sam Campbell five points.
41:17There you go.
41:18Well done, Sam Campbell, five points.
41:21All right, here we go, then.
41:22Please head to the stage for your final, final task!
41:25APPLAUSE
41:26Hello, baby boy.
41:36Hello.
41:38Who will be reading the task?
41:40Series 18's champion...
41:42Zaltzman.
41:43Zaltzman.
41:44Andy.
41:45Using only tape, turn yourself into a famous person from the previous millennium,
41:52who you'd like to see on Taskmaster.
41:55Best all-round new Taskmaster contestant wins.
41:58You have three minutes.
42:00Three minutes?
42:01Yes.
42:02Whoo!
42:03That's going to be riveting television.
42:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:05Ready, Greg?
42:06Ready!
42:07They're off.
42:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:11I find that making a decision that quick is quite disturbing.
42:17Alex?
42:18Yes, John?
42:19The tape doesn't stick on your face.
42:21Yes, it does.
42:23LAUGHTER
42:24I hesitate to ask, but how are you doing, Sam?
42:27Very well, thank you.
42:28It's anyone's game.
42:29LAUGHTER
42:30You'll be happy to know green is not enrolled.
42:31LAUGHTER
42:32Oh, shit.
42:33And there we go.
42:34APPLAUSE
42:35APPLAUSE
42:36Contestants, please stand on your spots.
42:55Oh, my God.
42:57APPLAUSE
42:58I can't.
42:59I think I'm going to hurt myself.
43:01LAUGHTER
43:02I can only presume that Andy has become the son?
43:20No, no.
43:21Joan of Arc.
43:22LAUGHTER
43:24Why do you think that Joan of Arc would be good on Taskmaster,
43:32I suppose, is the question?
43:34Well, she heard voices in her head,
43:37and that's very much like what doing this show is like.
43:41Yeah.
43:42And, of course, if Taskmaster was set during the time of Joan,
43:45we would perhaps burn people.
43:47LAUGHTER
43:48We can't rule it out.
43:49I may as well say it,
43:50because if anyone's feeling uncomfortable with that idea,
43:53strap yourself in for Joan.
43:55LAUGHTER
44:00So, next to Joan of Arc, who do we have, Greg?
44:02It's the Fuhrer, I presume.
44:04LAUGHTER
44:05Charlie Chaplin.
44:06Ah.
44:07Oh, thank you for that.
44:08APPLAUSE
44:09It's a great booking.
44:10APPLAUSE
44:13What a relief.
44:14Yes.
44:15And why do you think Chaplin would be good on Taskmaster, John?
44:17Well, one of the great physical comedians of the last millennium,
44:21who I'd like to hear talk a bit more than I did.
44:25LAUGHTER
44:27So, our middle contestant, and who do we have?
44:29Well, I'll tell you who we've got.
44:31We've got David Bowie, surely.
44:32APPLAUSE
44:34And why do you think the slim white duke would have been a good contestant?
44:42Well, from what I've seen, white men really do get booked.
44:46LAUGHTER
44:51Next to Bowie, Greg.
44:53Now, who is this?
44:55Is it Liza Minnelli?
44:56No.
44:57Oh.
44:58This is Dawn French.
45:00APPLAUSE
45:05Can I say for the record, we agree that Dawn, you'd be great on Taskmaster.
45:08LAUGHTER
45:09Maybe after she sees this...
45:10Oh, yeah, she'll look at this and go,
45:12that's a show that respects me.
45:14LAUGHTER
45:17And finally, at the end of the line...
45:19LAUGHTER
45:20Are you a person?
45:21Yes, technically, yes.
45:23I feel it might be a Power Ranger.
45:25No.
45:26Are you from a movie town?
45:27Yeah.
45:28Are you a Smurf?
45:29No.
45:30Is it Avatar?
45:31Yeah.
45:32You're a character from Avatar?
45:33Jake Sully.
45:34Jake Sully.
45:35Yeah.
45:36Greg, there is a technicality.
45:37Avatar is set in 2154 and it was made in the early 2000s.
45:40It was definitely this millennium, not the last millennium.
45:42So...
45:43I'm a Smurf.
45:44No, I'm not.
45:45LAUGHTER
45:46APPLAUSE
45:51OK, so, we have no choice, unfortunately.
45:53One point to Sam Campbell.
45:55I'm giving Andy Zaltzman two points.
45:57OK.
45:58I think I'm going to put Dawn French above Chaplin on this occasion.
46:01And I've recognised the great songwriter immediately.
46:05It's five points to Maisie.
46:06There we go, five points.
46:07APPLAUSE
46:08To Barry.
46:09APPLAUSE
46:10Please come down, we'll have that to your final score!
46:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:19This has truly been a tale of Maisie and Men.
46:24But now, four of them must walk away with their golden tails
46:28between their golden legs, whereas one will walk out of here
46:32waving their tail around like a flippin' lunatic.
46:35So, let's ask the man with the calculator.
46:38Oh, Mr Calculator.
46:40Who has come out on top?
46:42Very close.
46:44Very close.
46:45Very close.
46:46The champion of champions.
46:47One point in it at the end.
46:49Oh!
46:51The winner with 20 points, it's Matt Bainton!
46:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:57Matt Bainton is the new champion of champions!
47:01Please pop off your Spots Master trophy!
47:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:31LAUGHTER
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