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  • 1 day ago
Taskmaster S20E09

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Oh, no!
00:06Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:19Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:34Hi! Hello!
00:36Welcome to Taskmaster. I'm Greg Davis and I've got beef.
00:39I've got beef, I've got lamb, I've got pork, and I've got chicken.
00:42Who wants chicken?
00:51Welcome to Taskmaster. Expect the unexpected,
00:54but also expect the following people.
00:56They are...
00:57Anya Magliano!
01:00Maisie Adam!
01:02Phil Ellis!
01:04Rhys Shearsmith!
01:07And Fungie Baskar!
01:12And next to me, a man who, according to fan fiction on the internet,
01:16I am in and out of like a sewing machine.
01:24This is not at all!
01:27APPLAUSE
01:29Hello, everyone.
01:30I have to deal with the correspondence.
01:32Wow!
01:33So many questions this week.
01:35So let's have some frequently asked questions to little Alex Horne.
01:39FAQs!
01:41For the L-A-H!
01:42FAQs to the L-A-H!
01:44Yeah, the FAQs!
01:46For the L-A-H!
01:47OK, so we've got a question here from Jeremy.
01:51I have such genuine contempt for you sometimes.
01:54Yeah, yeah.
01:55OK.
01:56Question here from Jeremy in Egypt, who says...
01:59Did you do anything special for dinner last night, Alex?
02:01And I did, Jeremy.
02:02I had Stephen Fry for dinner, so...
02:06Stir fry.
02:07I had stir fry for dinner.
02:09Next question.
02:10FAQ!
02:12For the L-A-H!
02:14Oh, and Jeremy has asked another question.
02:16He says, did you have the...
02:18Ooh, he already heard my answer.
02:19Did you have the stir fry with anyone?
02:21And I did, I had it with Annika Rice.
02:23With special fried rice!
02:24Right, right.
02:25LAUGHTER
02:30What are you writing?
02:31I've written 20 series, and that was the worst start of...
02:35LAUGHTER
02:36Right, let us begin with the proceedings.
02:38Off we go!
02:39It's prize task time, and the category is...
02:41The most respected item that retains its credibility
02:45when you talk about it in a high-pitched voice.
02:51Respectability and credibility in the face of high frequencies.
02:53Soliloquies.
02:54It's as simple as that, guys.
02:56Five points for the best one, and all five items
02:58will still go home with the episode winner.
03:01Maisie, what is your respected item?
03:04Well, I've bought in...
03:06LAUGHTER
03:08This is the task, no?
03:09OK.
03:10Do you want me to...
03:11Do you want me to go high as well?
03:12Er...
03:13Well, I don't know if it lessens my high voice if you're also high.
03:17Maybe I go deep.
03:20Didn't like the eye contact when you said...
03:24Maybe I go deep.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:29Erm, so I've brought in a wonderful and authentic signed photo
03:33of Aled Jones.
03:35Here it is.
03:36Erm...
03:37He's most well-known for the Walking in the Air song, which is pretty much up here.
03:48Yeah.
03:49Is he credible, Aled?
03:51Credible?
03:52Yeah.
03:53He's a national treasure.
03:55He didn't sing the one in the film, though.
03:57He re-recorded it.
03:58Yeah, well, less about that.
03:59I don't want to tell you.
04:01Oh, my God, someone's lost their credibility.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:05Well, you know from previous episodes what my attitude to this show has been.
04:12It can be summed up...
04:13It can be summed up by, I've got an OBE, why am I here?
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19So, in that vein, let me show you, it's a book.
04:23Look!
04:25It's puppies and kittens.
04:28What?
04:30LAUGHTER
04:31And on the back, just to kind of help it...
04:34Sanchi!
04:36I'm sorry.
04:38Look, look, look at the little one down there.
04:42I feel a lot better now.
04:44I mean, you are off the hook, my friend.
04:47I have never seen a puppy in a park and picked it up and I'm going,
04:50oh, oh, it's so credible.
04:53You've brought some terrible price dust in, but this is a new one.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:59Anya.
05:00Hello.
05:01What have you brought in that I will respect?
05:03I've made a rug.
05:08She genuinely did make a rug.
05:13Model on a specific boots store, is that right?
05:15Piccadilly Circus.
05:19I think it's an incredible shop.
05:21Boots has been around for generations, hasn't it?
05:24Well, I wouldn't know about that.
05:26LAUGHTER
05:27We get it, we get it, you're young.
05:31APPLAUSE
05:33What I will say is that I think in this society that we live in,
05:37it's become quite a godless state.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:42Something has filled the gap of church and I think it's boots.
05:46Against all odds, this is the strongest one so far.
05:50LAUGHTER
05:51Phil.
05:52I've brought in...
05:54LAUGHTER
05:56..my nana's headstone.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59LAUGHTER
06:01LAUGHTER
06:03APPLAUSE
06:08Yes, he has.
06:09I mean, obviously this is not her real gravestone, but you...
06:12Well, my dad had never got one.
06:14So I thought I'd get one.
06:16What, they just tossed her in a hole?
06:18LAUGHTER
06:20When we lowered it in, I remember my mum went,
06:22that's a bit deeper than normal.
06:24And my auntie went, yeah, I've asked him to go deeper
06:26so I can go in on top of her.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:30So my auntie is buried on top of my nana with the two chihuahuas.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:37Oh, my God, this is all true, isn't it?
06:38It's true!
06:40Oh.
06:41And we're fine with there being a picture of Winston Churchill on the...
06:44LAUGHTER
06:46Do you know, I'd never seen the resemblance until you mentioned it, yeah?
06:49LAUGHTER
06:53Incredible.
06:55Um, Rhys.
06:56Yes, well, I began, not doing the voice for now,
06:59but I began thinking what was a respectable item.
07:02So I proceeded to create a one-off, limited edition,
07:07commemorative plate for the coronation of the King Charles
07:11and the Queen Consort, Camilla.
07:14Beautiful.
07:18And then I thought, well, who better to voice in a high-pitched manner this?
07:23So I asked Joe Pasquale.
07:24LAUGHTER
07:26Who better?
07:27Yeah.
07:29This decorative 12-inch commemorative plate
07:31features two detailed portraits of King Charles III
07:34and Queen Camilla wearing their magnificent crowns,
07:37perfect for serving of sandwiches on a big pile of rich teas.
07:41Mm.
07:43APPLAUSE
07:44And this is almost impossible to score.
07:51LAUGHTER
07:52OK.
07:53One point to Sanjeev.
07:54One point to Sanjeev, OK.
07:55I'm going to give two points to Maisie.
07:57OK.
07:58I'm going to give Anya and Rhys four points.
08:01Four to Anya, four to Rhys.
08:02And I'm using this task to give Hetty the respect she was not afforded
08:06by whoever tossed her in a hole in the ground.
08:09And these five points are for Hetty.
08:11There we go. Well done for Lewis.
08:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:13Right, let's get Tuscan.
08:18Here we go.
08:19And lucky us, it's time to get trollied.
08:21Mmm.
08:34Maisie!
08:35How are you?
08:36Really good.
08:38Ah, hello.
08:41OK.
08:43Trolley?
08:44Yeah, it's a nice trolley.
08:47Right.
08:49Ahem.
08:51Build a tower of bricks on this trolley,
08:54then push it down the slope.
08:57You may not touch the trolley after it passes the start line.
09:00Is that the start line up there?
09:01Yeah, that's the start line, yeah.
09:02OK.
09:03The tallest tower that passes the finish line wins.
09:06As well as bricks, all the contents of one of these bins
09:10must be part of your tower, but nothing else.
09:14You may only look inside the bins once,
09:16and only for as long as you can scream.
09:19You must replace each lid before looking in the next bin.
09:22You have a total of ten minutes and three attempts
09:24during which you must also scream.
09:28Your times start when Alex screams.
09:34OK.
09:41So...
09:42Ah!
09:43Oh, my God!
09:44Ah!
09:45Ah!
09:46Ah!
09:47Ah!
09:48Build a tower of bricks on this trolley.
09:49Where are all the other bricks?
09:50Ah!
09:51Ah!
09:52Ah!
10:00Well, there was a lot for me to be distracted by in that set-up.
10:03Um, Alex's screaming in particular, er, was disturbing.
10:07Never done it before.
10:08Yeah.
10:09Love to scream.
10:10Give it a go.
10:11Ah!
10:12Ah!
10:13All right.
10:14I'm ready.
10:15Here we go.
10:16Right.
10:17First to attack the stack are Anya and let's have Phil.
10:21Hmm.
10:22Let's start screaming.
10:23Screaming for the whole time.
10:25For the whole time.
10:26Ah!
10:27Ah!
10:28Ah!
10:29Ah!
10:30Ah!
10:31Ah!
10:32Ah!
10:33Ah!
10:34Ah!
10:35Ah!
10:36Ah!
10:37Ah!
10:38Ah!
10:39Ah!
10:40Ah!
10:41Ah!
10:42Ah!
10:43Ah!
10:44Ah!
10:45Ah!
10:46Ah!
10:47Ah!
10:48No!
10:49I didn't actually see what that was.
10:51And I think I did a little wee from screaming so hard.
10:55Oh!
10:56Ah!
10:57Ah!
10:58Ah!
10:59Ah!
11:00Ah!
11:01Lovely stuff.
11:02I've forgotten what was in the bins.
11:03Yeah.
11:04Kettle?
11:05That said cement.
11:06There's no point with cement, because I don't really have time to mix it.
11:11I'm going to go with cement.
11:13OK.
11:14Oh!
11:15Oh, my God, it's actually like I get to make it.
11:17OK, well, should I build it up there then, maybe?
11:19If you want.
11:20Do you want me to bring any bricks or not?
11:21Yes, please.
11:22How many?
11:23All of them.
11:24Well...
11:25I'm going to go for the top cap bit.
11:28Oh, this is bullshit!
11:30HE LAUGHS
11:31Ah!
11:32OK, now we're talking!
11:35Oh!
11:36Oh!
11:37HE LAUGHS
11:39Er...
11:40This isn't cement.
11:42That's flour, by the way.
11:45Yeah, don't taste everything.
11:47So these are really useful, cos look.
11:57Oh, I've got two more bricks.
11:59Yeah.
12:00You don't have to use all the bricks.
12:01Have I made a terrible error?
12:02Well, you've got to get it down that slope in the next three minutes.
12:04Oh, I've got to get it up the slope as well?
12:05And down the slope.
12:06I've got to get it up!
12:07Two and a half minutes.
12:08How do you turn it?
12:09How do you turn it, Charlie?
12:10This is worse than the ones I steal from Lidl.
12:14Like that.
12:15Right.
12:16Bit of class.
12:17You've only got time for one go.
12:18You've got ten seconds.
12:19OK.
12:20Oh, we've got to do it during this time.
12:21Absolutely.
12:22Oh, I thought I was just waiting.
12:23Right...
12:24AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
12:25AHHHHHHHHH!
12:26AHHHHH!
12:27AHHHHH!
12:28AHHHHH!
12:29AHHHHH!
12:30AHHHHH!
12:31AHHHHH!
12:32AHHHHH!
12:33AHHHHH!
12:34AHHHHH!
12:35AHHHHH!
12:36AHHHHH!
12:37AHHHHH!
12:38AHHHHH!
12:39AHHHHH!
12:40AHHHHH!
12:41AHHHHH!
12:42AHHHHH!
12:43AHHHHH!
12:44AHHHHH!
12:45AHHHHH!
12:46AHHHHH!
12:47AHHHHH!
12:48AHHHHH!
12:49AHHHHH!
12:50AHHHHH!
12:51AHHHHH!
12:52AHHHHH!
12:53I nearly killed the whole crew!
12:55It went so much worse than I thought it was going to go.
12:58It wasn't a very sturdy structure.
13:00It's only because it went off piece.
13:03OK.
13:04Thanks, Anya.
13:12I mean, we've said it many times, crew are dispensable, right?
13:18But you both genuinely almost hurt them.
13:21Watching it back, it looks like a targeted attack.
13:25Phil screamed full-throated like a mighty bear, I thought.
13:28Oh, thank you.
13:29You?
13:30You sound exactly like a 1970s camping kettle.
13:33LAUGHTER
13:36It really took me back to childhood holiday.
13:39BUZZER
13:41BUZZER
13:43Phil's did just about cross the line.
13:46Anya's didn't cross the line at all.
13:47And don't I get points for mine looking quite flamboyant
13:50and exciting as it went down?
13:51Absolutely not.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:53OK, break time!
13:55And statistically, we will spend nearly four years of our lives
13:58watching adverts.
14:00Also, kangaroos have three vaginas.
14:03Interesting facts!
14:05LAUGHTER
14:06APPLAUSE
14:13Hello!
14:14Welcome back to Taskmaster,
14:16where the current task involves stacking bricks on a trolley
14:19and shoving it down a hill.
14:20Yes, it's absolutely safe, and almost no crew were in danger.
14:24Tallest tower past the finish line wins.
14:27Finally, then, it's the three-card trick of Maisie, Rhys and Sanjeev.
14:31Ready?
14:33AH!
14:34AAAAAAHHH!
14:39AAAAAAHHHHH!
14:40AAAAAAHHH!
14:41AAAAAAHHH!
14:42That screen's finished.
14:44AAAAAAAH!
14:46AAAAAAAAH!
14:48AAAAAAAH!
14:50AAAAAAHHHHH!
14:56Ah! Ah!
15:00Right, you didn't have to scream while you...
15:02Oh, I didn't have to keep screaming while she's using it.
15:04Only while looking in it. Oh!
15:06Right. Oh.
15:08Shout out if you want any builder's gloves.
15:10Might be good to have builder's gloves.
15:12I've got some here for you.
15:13Oh, right, well, go on, then.
15:15This is the first time I've ever done manual labour.
15:18Ah, you can't tell.
15:23Oh, bollocks, for God's sake.
15:26Oh, the...
15:28Ah, that...
15:30Well, you're welcome to, I suppose, but it is a camera.
15:32It's in there.
15:34At this point, I'm going to choose this.
15:36Ah!
15:37And I'm going to put that down there,
15:40with the apple inside.
15:46Don't hurt your back.
15:47OK.
15:49Ready? Here we go.
15:51Ahhhh!
15:53Oh!
15:55Oh!
15:56Oh!
15:58Oh!
15:59Oh!
16:00Oh!
16:01Oh!
16:02Oh!
16:03Oh!
16:04Oh!
16:05Oh!
16:06Oh!
16:07What's that?
16:08Oh, I am laughing!
16:10Oh!
16:11Oh!
16:12Oh!
16:13Oh!
16:14Right, help me push it. Please.
16:16Please.
16:18Steady. Steady.
16:20OK.
16:22Right. So that tells us something.
16:29OK. Are we going up the hill?
16:31We're going to go up the hill. OK, here we go.
16:33Best of luck, Sanjeeve.
16:35Argh!
16:37Argh!
16:45Argh!
16:54Very happy with that.
16:56Argh!
17:03Uh-oh.
17:05Oh!
17:08Nine bricks.
17:09Anybody want...
17:11a Waldoin?
17:13Argh!
17:18Argh!
17:21Argh!
17:23Argh!
17:26Argh!
17:29Argh!
17:31Argh!
17:33Argh!
17:39You've got 30 seconds left.
17:41No, I like this.
17:42Yeah.
17:43Fantastic.
17:44APPLAUSE
17:46Wow, good.
17:52I mean, that is a full-throated scream.
17:54Yeah.
17:55The drama of the final image.
17:56Mm.
17:57I mean, it might be your proudest moment.
17:58It's a shame I have to disqualify you because so much of the flower fell off.
18:02I'm only joking.
18:03Oh!
18:04LAUGHTER
18:08You didn't keep that going for long, Greg.
18:09No, I know.
18:10She looks so upset.
18:11I thought she was going to pounce on me.
18:12I was going to cry.
18:14Very impressive from Sanjeev, yet again showing why he landed a role on Paddington 2.
18:19Yeah.
18:20He's just...
18:21He's so resourceful.
18:23But what he did very cleverly was incorporate the camera that wasn't meant to necessarily be part of it.
18:27Into the height.
18:28And that gave him the height.
18:29Well done, Sanjeev.
18:30Well, thank you very much.
18:31Rhys.
18:32Did you enjoy yourself?
18:33No.
18:34It's funny because I, you know, throughout this whole series have pointed out that you're very close to committing an atrocity because you're so angry.
18:40But I thought you'd built that beautiful ornate brick thing and it collapsed.
18:43Like a chimney, wouldn't it?
18:44Yeah.
18:45And all you said was...
18:46That tells us something.
18:47That tells us something.
18:48But no, I did enjoy it and it was nice to get me hands dirty.
18:53Why don't you give us some statistics?
18:56Yes.
18:57Well, we know that Anya failed, so I guess zero points for...
19:00Oh, God, zero.
19:01OK.
19:02And you'll thank me for that.
19:03Oh, you never won?
19:04No, you didn't cross the line.
19:06It's just interesting, isn't it, because you come into this show and you believe in justice and stuff like that and then you realise actually it's a dictatorship.
19:18Right, I've never said it isn't a dictatorship.
19:20Yeah, that's fine.
19:21I'll take my one point, thank you.
19:23No zero points.
19:24OK.
19:25Rhys's and Maisy's are very similar.
19:27Maisy's, yours was 82 centimetres tall.
19:29Rhys, yours was 77 centimetres tall.
19:31Oh!
19:32So, despite your building work, you were second last, Rhys.
19:35Often the way.
19:37Three points for you, Maisy, 82 centimetres.
19:39But Sanjeev was 105 centimetres.
19:42Phil, yours was 1 metre 36, which means that Phil gets five points.
19:46Yay!
19:47Let's see a scoreboard, please.
19:50Yes, well, first of all, I'll tell you the series scores with one and a half episodes to go.
19:54Sanjeev, you're in last on 117, but it's tight.
19:57Rhys, 1-2-1.
19:58Maisy, 1-2-3.
19:59Phil, 1-2-8.
20:00Anya, 1-2-9.
20:01Anyone can win it.
20:02Anyone can win it.
20:03Anyone can win it.
20:04Anyone can win it.
20:07This episode, he's got maximum points so far.
20:09In the lead with ten points, it's Phil Ellis!
20:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:14Yep.
20:15Very good.
20:16What's next, please, with Alex?
20:17Well, jockstrap yourself in, Greg, because we're off to the changing rooms.
20:22What's all this?
20:23This is my jockey changing room.
20:33You'd be disqualified straight away, wouldn't you?
20:34You're far too tall.
20:35Here we are.
20:36You'd make a lovely couple.
20:38Would you like him to pass it?
20:39Is it him?
20:40I'm not sure.
20:41Hmm.
20:42Make your jockey weigh almost exactly the same as Alex.
20:44If your jockey weighs more than Alex, you are disqualified.
20:47You may only get two readings from the scales.
20:49There is a bonus point for the sexiest jockey.
20:50You have ten minutes.
20:51Your time starts now.
20:52This is your jockey.
20:53Right.
20:54Those are your scales.
20:55Good luck.
20:56It's got to be sexy.
20:57Doesn't have to be sexy, but if you want the bonus point.
20:58It's got to be sexy.
20:59If you want him to pass it?
21:00I'm not sure.
21:01I'm not sure.
21:02I'm not sure.
21:03I'm not sure.
21:04I'm not sure.
21:05Hmm.
21:06Make your jockey weigh almost exactly the same as Alex.
21:08If your jockey weighs more than Alex, you are disqualified.
21:11You may only get two readings from the scales.
21:13There is a bonus point for the sexiest jockey.
21:17You have ten minutes.
21:18Your time starts now.
21:19This is your jockey.
21:20Right.
21:21Those are your scales.
21:22It's got to be really sexy.
21:23There are your scales.
21:24Good luck.
21:26I'm not allowed to stand with them because that counts as one,
21:27doesn't it?
21:28Because I've checked some scales and they're definitely wrong
21:29because there's no way I'm over 14 stone.
21:31OK.
21:38So, Anya's jockey is going to be super sexy and Phil's fatter than he looks.
21:41Shall we have a look at them then?
21:44Well, who are we going to see first?
21:46It's a great equestrian.
21:47It's...
21:48Oh.
21:49Jesus Christ.
21:50Anya, Phil and Rhys.
21:51What are these?
21:53Are these jockey things?
21:54Is this lead?
21:55Don't eat it.
21:56Oh, come on.
21:57Eat lead, kids.
21:58You'll have hair like mine.
22:00I'd like to start my characters with what the hair's like.
22:07Yeah.
22:08What hair?
22:09What are you doing up my mountain?
22:11First things first.
22:12A fatter.
22:13I got this sausage.
22:14I think she's Austrian.
22:15I'm going Eastern European with this.
22:18Lovely.
22:19Pretty sexy.
22:21That's not hair, that's the eyelashes.
22:25Do you know what?
22:26Scale, please.
22:27OK.
22:28Do you mind if I feel how heavy you are?
22:29You can try.
22:30Front's probably better, isn't it?
22:31I don't mind.
22:32One, two, three.
22:33Oh, Christ.
22:34Go dead weight.
22:35OK, I'm happy with that.
22:36I'm going to say you're just over 14-4.
22:38OK.
22:39Ooh.
22:40What do you mean?
22:4114 stone.
22:42Nearly 15 in a way, .9.
22:43I think that's .09.
22:44Oh.
22:45Well, that's not 14 stone.
22:46Got to be a lot more on this.
22:48In you go, darling.
22:49Sexy, sexy.
22:50Sexy space lady.
22:52May I hide the display?
22:53You don't want to go to the table?
22:55Oh, no, no, no.
22:56No, no, no.
22:57No, no, no, no.
22:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:59No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
23:00No, no, no, no, no, no.
23:01No, no, no.
23:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
23:03sexy sexy sexy space lady I hide the display you don't want to get a reading
23:09yet no I can't see through the mouth promise yeah yeah that's crowded going
23:15on
23:22see that I can see everything oh fuck what does it say two stone three stone
23:31you've got three and a half minutes that's can't be three stone second reading
23:35yep four stone for about a minute and a half I'm gonna give up on accuracy
23:44don't you
23:50beautiful lady with a long arm every man's dream
23:53you help me put as much weight into his shorts as possible can't be the real way let's get some out
24:06three seconds how long please leave her or him alone okay and then she can have some of my lipstick
24:21well I think you should go wash your hands yeah don't lick them no
24:27look after yourself kids stuff out there in the big city good girl
24:31oh
24:41does a man become more or less sexy when his trousers are down his pants are full of 11 stone of lead
24:50that was a miscalculation I thought the pants would keep everything in place but they came down
24:55it looked like someone that would just capture themselves
24:59yours both uh were almost identical for a lot of it we've got a type yeah
25:04it's a sexy scandinavian sausage girl yeah
25:08I think it's because we thought we must be thinking like what's Greg going to find sexy
25:13and so it's with you in mind yeah and it is yeah it is a girl with pigtails and sausage
25:17no you always form a weird relationship with the inanimate objects mate yeah I did get quite
25:25attached to the character she was leaving the mountain that she grew up on uh to join nasa she
25:32was off to stuff yeah when you put the silver trousers on you said now you are future sexy
25:37time for a break I'm not sure who said this but I think it's something that's relevant to this show
25:46from such crooked wood as that which man is made of nothing straight can be fashioned
25:52well welcome back to the start of part three it's taskmaster and we're having some sexy time
26:11yes yes that's right things are pretty flipping hot as they're trying to make a jockey
26:15weigh the same as me with a bonus point for the sexiest jockey
26:19finally then it's sanjeev and maizey right so sexy you want sexy just one point for sexy
26:28yep the main thing is the primary concern is is the weight isn't it okay right well first of all
26:34that's sexy isn't it that that's hard work though feather boa they're always sexy
26:40i think you should go on there first i'm going on sanjeev okay i'm on 13 stone
26:4513 okay alex could you come stand on him what do you mean just stop him from wibbling over i'll stop
26:55him from wibbling
27:05it's quite buckle heavy so far oh sexy police officer
27:10okay okay knee pads sexy because they suggest you're going to be on your knees
27:27you're going to be on your knees yeah three stone nine pounds
27:34now i don't want to be disqualified on a technicality but what if i just stood with the
27:39mannequin is that does that count i think i'm about 12 and a bit i'll i think i'll be over
27:47then because about 12 13 14 then that'll be about 15 which would be too much let's see if i let's see if that is
27:54so you're basically taking a bit of a risk here i am taking a bit of a risk
28:04i think greg's always wanted to be blonde don't you
28:11does that look like me
28:12are you saying you've become one with a jockey i have we are one you're one are you yes fantastic
28:25that is your time up great i'm pretty turned on i don't know about anyone else
28:36well let's let's talk this through thank you how are we going to get away with me allowing this
28:40you just got on the scales with the mannequin i asked i said would this be breaking the rules
28:46i said you're taking a big risk sanjeef yes which is not a no i think if you had got on the
28:54jockey it would count i was on his foot if someone gets on my foot they're on me
29:01i admired the lateral thinking and if you just somehow hoisted yourself up that jockey it would
29:06have been ironic as well that you were riding a jockey see how they bloody like it
29:12am i right i like it was it was very close to being allowed it was good lateral thinking
29:20amazing well we know how this went there's a lot to unpack here just show the clip yeah she definitely
29:27established it's all about the weight the sexy thing's just a little bonus here we go yeah just one
29:33point for sexy yep the main thing is the primary concern is is the weight isn't it okay right well
29:39first of all that's sexy isn't it from then on it was just sex yeah story of my life that is
29:52i thought identifying my possible vanity was a masterstroke making him sexy by making him look
29:59like me unfortunately for you i have to look at myself naked in the mirror every morning and it is
30:05fucking rough but you're not naked in this you're in a sexy police officer outfit maybe that would
30:13change things yeah well should we look at the weights first and then you can decide on yeah yeah let's
30:19have a look let's have a look two stone five pounds five stone 12 pounds seven stone six pounds
30:3516 stone five pounds let's see so i'm not going to say this out loud okay
30:42yeah so that's the readings only sanjeev came close reese i'm so sorry you went over the top
30:50you get zero points that's a shame i really thought i was under is he still in the running
30:55for the sexiest of course he is yeah okay so what are we saying about sanjeev any points
31:00uh yeah i can't not give him any points so he can come last
31:05so we're saying phil gets the full five points yes four for anya three for maizey one for sanjeev
31:12yes i think that's one for sanjeev and zero for reese oh sorry
31:20and now it's it's simply who's the sexiest jockey so here are all five for you greg take your pick
31:25wow look at sanjeev sexy lady i gave you a muff that's good thank you the two sausage scandinavians
31:39cancel each other out right well between reese and maizey and they've both got sexy vibes
31:45i mean races without wishing to be crude looks like he'd throw you around the room
31:49i think i'm going to give one point each i'm going to add an extra bonus point there's an extra
31:56sexy point i can't deny either of them my love bonus points each to reese and maizey
32:07very good what have we got now alex well it's a proud moment greg as we reveal the task-o-matic
32:19oh hello there nice contraption oh so task-o-matic i like this i like sort of little machines
32:38and things i've got lots of them at home have you yeah like a whisk and stuff
32:42so i open and then spin or spin and open you don't need to open i don't really what's it gonna do
32:51wow look at this oh oh wow this is so good can i have this
33:09this is so strange
33:27i can read it now make the most fantastic 15 second film featuring your face in full frame
33:34featuring your face in full frame you have 15 minutes to film your fantastic 15 second full
33:40frame face film those 15 minutes start now disappointing lack of alliteration in the last
33:47sentence i felt but uh but anyway any other need for this no please be very careful
33:58yeah isn't like it's going to be a close-up of my face oh and it's got to be fantastic and yeah
34:04i've got an idea i think i'm going to do i already know what i'm doing i'll need papa
34:10mache yeah get any yep it could be a silent film could be a silent film but i can't make
34:16myself black and white can i can i i could but i could paint my face which color oh wow very white
34:24very white i won't dwell on it too long maybe
34:35but i would say i'm quite a luddite but even i know how to make pictures on my phone black and white
34:41i don't think you necessarily need to contemplate a hate crime
34:45that's it all right let's go so we do begin with a man of many fantastic faces mr reese shearsmith
35:02i can see why you're such a competent papier-mâché man i went back to the the dawn of cinema
35:23voyage to the moon yeah george mele what was the stuff that came out of your eye it was icing sugar
35:28lovely yeah can't fault it no it was a fantastic film and it involved his face
35:34next sanjeev okay yes it's time for sanjeev's charismatic countenance get ready
35:53i'm not particularly in touch on my spiritual side but i imagine there was a was a strong
36:10message in there there was yes and what was that message it's be nice
36:17oh and uh the floating banana yes represented exactly
36:28what was the stuff that was uh falling down before you caught the apple in your mouth it wasn't
36:31falling down was it was orange juice falling up it was falling up oh god so deep
36:36i mean the second fantastic one someone's gonna let us down who will it be it's time for mazes
36:50a long time ago in a taskmaster house a really long way away a leather-jacketed lady was held
36:54under the tyrannous rule of a prick with a clipboard who lived in fear of his master one day enough was
36:59enough and she locked the prick in the caravan where he spontaneously combusted the master moved to spain
37:04the end
37:10i think that's quite good i mean honestly i've never been so disappointed so far i just think
37:15they're all good oh good and i've gelled my hair back and it stuck like that for three days
37:21i mean it just looked great i like the story i mean this is an awful thing to say but i hope one of
37:27the last two is okay we must stop once more a chance for alex to pop to the bathroom
37:34and time his movement
37:41i'm sure i think that's what we saw on the show but we're watching some fantastic 15-second
37:52films involving faces in full frame two to go first up have a look at anya's vivacious visage
37:59Greg your task is to die your time starts now trigger good boy let's go he works for me now
38:21what a narrative i've replaced alex for the horse yeah so he was trying to kill you um he was trying to
38:35rebel but the horse actually worked for you and then the horse replaces him for the rest of the
38:40series as the tusk whatever his role is honestly this is like for me it's awful they're just all good
38:49who's left there's only one left really good it is phil ellis oh god i mean phil
38:55phil's bound to have fucked this up fingers crossed finally it's phil's fantastically flexible face
39:19oh
39:24interesting
39:30phil has not done one thing on this show in nine episodes that hasn't ended with a cheesy wink
39:36you know well done phil i i thought you would let us down but it's great but what's the narrative
39:43i'm fascinated is there a narrative yeah of course there is it's um it's uh it's about parenthood and
39:51having to let your children just at some point you could just go let them go haven't you
39:56out of your mouth yeah i mean i'm not a father but thank god yeah look i hate i hate doing this
40:06i'll be honest with you because i like to victimize someone but i could say something positive about all
40:11of them so i'm going to give everyone five points
40:14oh
40:20okay everyone will you make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
40:22my dear man you're my guy who will read the task for us phil allow me
40:40become the person the taskmaster shouts you will have one minute to draw yourself a new bottom of
40:47your face and body also you must bob up and down throughout your attempt worst new person each
40:54round is eliminated yeah so you've each got a card and you've got a little space for your nose
41:01you need to draw the bottom of your face and then give yourself a body beneath your face ready
41:07here we go henry viii on a horse okay we're looking for henry viii on please bob please bob keep bobbing
41:17sanji thank you phil is on the child's trampoline lovely rhythm at the end isn't there lovely rhythm
41:26pens down pens down thank you oh rhythm is a dancer
41:31i hereby instruct you to become henry viii on a horse
41:45they're all good but which one's the worst greg well i'm afraid uh
41:53i'm afraid it's phil that man is not sitting on a horse
41:57i mean if i'm honest it looks like henry viii has shot himself
42:04we have lost phil ellis phil you're out i'm sorry okay round one done there are four left
42:11here we go a supermodel skiing go a supermodel ski please bob bobbing at the end please thank
42:19you maizey bobbing thank you maizey bobbing stop okay a supermodel oh wow
42:33you're pretty good yeah thanks can i have that after
42:45maizey's will be censored for the children's edition of the show why because i can see her tits
42:50first time he's ever said tits it's between maizey and um how sexist sanjeev racist
43:05she's got big boobs but i'm i'm sort of a bit worried about her legs
43:09her legs are attached to her breasts and that's why she gets the word
43:18i'm really worried anatomically about maizey's so i will kick maizey's big we've lost maizey adam
43:24there we go thank you maize elvis on an escalator go bobbing
43:39focus bobbing now isn't it it is ironically in this bit we've had a little less conversation
43:44how much time up what's your time up okay let's see elvis on an escalator here they go we have our
43:57first landscape over here i mean the best elvis is sanjeev i would say he's got the handsome uh
44:06lopsided smile on reese's and and i think i sum up what everyone's thinking
44:13anya has not drawn elvis i'm young i had to put in what i know which is about escalators
44:23so i went for baker street sit down anya
44:30it's the final it's the big one here we go you ready a mermaid making a mistake
44:36ooh a bit of license here for the bobbers good face from reese
44:46greg can you imagine sanjeev drawing and not bobbing
44:48i just think sanjeev's bob has become more graceful as it's gone on
44:57pens down please pens down
45:02this is it great what mistakes will our mermaids have made hopefully they're legal
45:06let's see oh my god
45:14sorry my tits were too much
45:17it's a mermaid it's different
45:21your mermaid's fingering a fish
45:22fish ring ring
45:32it's meant to be that she's eating a fish on well not on a fork
45:35oh which would be terrible wouldn't it for a mermaid oh that's a fork you wouldn't eat your
45:39friends would you no so it's a mistake sanjeev's mermaid who
45:45appears to have a father christmas beard has missed the bus it's trying to catch a bus
45:53what's the mistake what's that mistake it might be the bus to the sea
45:59what is wrong with you no they wouldn't be on land catching a bus
46:08the man makes a good point yeah i mean i do think probably the superior mermaid picture
46:13is the cannibal mermaid there we go five points to reese shearsmith
46:19please come down we'll add that to the final score
46:29what a lovely creative group of people we've got
46:32so the winner of the task with some fantastic arc
46:35reese shearsmith five points really good
46:38they all do well they all do well
46:41it's been a very close episode until you get to the top of the table
46:44where you've got phil on 21 points
46:46it's new four shows
46:49who's gonna let us win please don't expect your respective prizes
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