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00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:36Hello, I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39I'd like to start on a personal note, if I may, today,
00:42and tell you that Anna, the member of the crew
00:44who makes my coffees when I arrive at studio,
00:46recently pointed out to me that in nearly 200 episodes of television,
00:50I have not once said thank you to her.
00:52And so I wanted to start this show by putting that right.
00:55Anna, sincerely, thank you for all your hard work.
00:58But also, your coffee tastes like crap!
01:01Clear your desk!
01:02You think I can't replace you?
01:03I've got a thousand waiting!
01:05LAUGHTER
01:06Right!
01:07Please welcome our contestants!
01:09Anya Magliano!
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Maisie Anna!
01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15Phil Ellis!
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:17Rich Sheer-Smith!
01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:20And Sanji Bhaskar!
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24And next to me, a man who tells me
01:26he's going on holiday this year
01:28to a mysterious place
01:29where everybody spits when they talk.
01:32Wales!
01:33It's...
01:35Little Alex Horne!
01:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38For the High People of Wales.
01:41I don't know what you've got against the people of Wales.
01:43Subhuman, you said.
01:44Oh, dear.
01:46Prize task, then.
01:47Yes, it is.
01:48Greg and I suppose it's also...
01:50Boo!
01:51Because this week, the category...
01:53LAUGHTER
01:54The category is the best thing that has a surprise aspect to it.
01:58Oh, good.
01:59Yeah.
02:00I have to say, I was a little alarmed
02:01when I first saw your surprise aspect, Greg,
02:03but I've got used to it,
02:04and I don't mind it at all now.
02:06The thing with a surprise that Greg likes best
02:09will get five points,
02:10and the winner of the show gets to take home all five things.
02:13Hello, Rhys.
02:14What have you bought that might surprise me?
02:16As you know, I am a bit of a David Dickinson in real life.
02:19Well, you've filled your house full of weird things.
02:21That's right.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23I went to an antique fair and I bought this item.
02:26The Improved Patent Magneto-Electric Machine
02:31for Nervous Diseases.
02:32LAUGHTER
02:34You crank the handle and you hold the two things
02:37and it's meant to give you a shock.
02:39I was assured when I bought it from the man, it didn't work.
02:43Right.
02:44So, I took it home and I said to my daughter,
02:48Holly, do you want to have a go at it?
02:49Yeah, let's not take a risk on using it yourself.
02:52And I turned around and she gave her a mass in electric.
02:55LAUGHTER
02:58Absolutely bizarre.
03:00Tanya.
03:01I brought in a mixtape and the thing that is surprising about it
03:04is that someone gave it to me and I've never listened to it.
03:07A boy?
03:08Yeah.
03:09What's he called?
03:10Ray.
03:11Ooh!
03:12So, I didn't have anything to listen to it on.
03:14I didn't have one of those...
03:15Oh, you didn't have a tape machine?
03:17Yeah.
03:18I don't know what that is.
03:19The mixtape looks like this.
03:20It is a classic cassette.
03:21We can see it there.
03:22Yeah.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:24I've never listened to it, but I've...
03:26But Alex has listened to it.
03:28You don't know this, Tanya, but Ray introduced it.
03:30So, I can play you Ray's voice.
03:32This is a mixtape I made for you.
03:37There we go.
03:38Is that genuinely his voice?
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42It's, like, older than the electric shock machine.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:46Sounds like the guy who invented the telephone.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49The second bit goes, Germany calling!
03:52Germany calling!
03:53LAUGHTER
03:55Well, Anya, let's not mess around.
03:57You've surprised me.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:00It's the weirdest thing that we've ever had on the show.
04:03Sanjeev, what surprising thing have you brought in?
04:06Christmas crackers.
04:08LAUGHTER
04:10Here they are.
04:11He's brought in Christmas crackers.
04:12OK.
04:13A variety...
04:14Hey!
04:15Huh?
04:16LAUGHTER
04:17Do you know what's in them?
04:18Oh, OK.
04:19I shouldn't write one point down?
04:21LAUGHTER
04:22It's not going to stop you.
04:24LAUGHTER
04:25OK, let's take the white one.
04:26If you open that up...
04:28There's a banana in it!
04:29LAUGHTER
04:30Weren't expecting that, were you?
04:31LAUGHTER
04:32I thought it was.
04:34Were you?
04:35Hang on, then.
04:36If we take the banana out...
04:37What do we find in the banana?
04:39A little cracker!
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41You weren't expecting that, were you?
04:42I am slightly more surprised by that.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45What do you find in the little cracker?
04:47Oh, God, it's not a mixtape, is it?
04:49LAUGHTER
04:51No, it isn't!
04:52It's a picture of you!
04:53I was kind of expecting it to be a banana.
04:55I wasn't expecting the small cracker.
04:57There was an element of surprise.
04:58Yeah!
04:59LAUGHTER
05:00Macy.
05:01I've made a mixtape.
05:04I'm not Ray.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:06I'm not Ray.
05:07No, I've made a compilation album.
05:10I reached out to various people connected to my fellow contestants
05:14and asked for surprising facts about you all.
05:17And this is the album that she's produced?
05:19It's called Now What's That About You?
05:22LAUGHTER
05:24Do you want to hear Phil's one?
05:26This is from your mum.
05:28When Phil was four, he went through a phase of only saying the words
05:32hedgehog no.
05:33Oh, fuck.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35Hedgehog no.
05:36Hedgehog no.
05:37Well, we all go through that phase, don't we?
05:39LAUGHTER
05:41Rhys, I reached out to your comedy partner, Steve Pemberton, for this one.
05:45OK.
05:46OK.
05:47This is what Steve said.
05:48One surprising thing about Rhys is that he used to draw pornographic pictures
05:55of all our tutors when we were at college, and he would take requests.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02APPLAUSE
06:05Yep, that's true.
06:07The requests used to be animals.
06:09Oh, George!
06:11Hedgehog no!
06:13LAUGHTER
06:18That is very surprising.
06:21Phil, last one.
06:22I have brought in a beautiful family heirloom, which is a grandfather clock.
06:28Yes, he has. Here it is.
06:29There it is. Beautiful, isn't it?
06:31It's lovely.
06:32Passed down, ironically, from my auntie, RIP.
06:36I, er...
06:37She's not dead, but it's no life the way she is at the moment.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:42But you opened the grandfather clock.
06:47It is a little surprise.
06:49Watch this.
06:50Yeah.
06:51It's also a fridge.
06:53LAUGHTER
06:55Did you put the fridge in?
06:57Yeah.
06:58I've devalued it quite a lot.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:01Oh, God.
07:02Oh, they're all quite good.
07:04Mmm.
07:05Banana within a cracker.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08I still think it's the worst.
07:10One point to Sanjeev.
07:13One point to Sanjeev, is it?
07:15Hmm.
07:16Phil, I'm going to give it two points because it doesn't surprise me that much
07:19that you've put a fridge in a grandfather clock.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:22It doesn't surprise me that you have got a Victorian device
07:25for electrocuting people, but you get a point more than him
07:28because it does surprise me you electrocuted.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:32And then we're up to the big guns.
07:34LAUGHTER
07:35Four points to the wonderful research.
07:36And wherever you are, Ray...
07:38LAUGHTER
07:39..you've just got her five points.
07:40Five points, right!
07:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:42Right, let's have the first task, please, Alex.
07:47Right, you are.
07:48And we begin with some honking, some whistling,
07:51and ten simple questions.
07:53MUSIC PLAYS
08:07Hello!
08:08Oh, my gosh!
08:10Mm-hm.
08:11That's a lot of ducks.
08:12I was hoping there'd be ducks at some point.
08:14Very excited.
08:15What fresh hell is this?
08:17I feel judged.
08:20LAUGHTER
08:27Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn
08:32and return on Alex's whistle.
08:35Every time you return, you must answer Alex's question
08:38within 30 seconds.
08:40You cannot change your answer.
08:42Alex will ask you ten questions.
08:44Most correct answers wins.
08:47Your time starts now.
08:49BUZZER
08:51Right.
08:52BUZZER
08:53BUZZER
08:54I need to close.
08:55BUZZER
08:56BUZZER
08:57Oh, wait a minute.
08:59Yeah, I'm not honking the horn yet.
09:01No...
09:04You OK?
09:05BUZZER
09:06BUZZER
09:07APPLAUSE
09:08Well, there's not much more we need to know, is there?
09:17So let's just crack on.
09:18Yes, it's an intriguing one.
09:20And we're going to start with Anya, Maisie and Philip.
09:23BUZZER
09:24BUZZER
09:25Alex, I'm here.
09:26Helen?
09:27Where's I supposed to sit?
09:28BUZZER
09:29BUZZER
09:30Great, I'm brilliant. I'm ready.
09:32BUZZER
09:33BUZZER
09:34BUZZER
09:35BUZZER
09:36Maisie Adam, have a seat.
09:38Hello, Anya.
09:39Are you ready for the question?
09:41BUZZER
09:42BUZZER
09:43Yes.
09:44Yes, I am.
09:45Oh, lovely.
09:47That wasn't the question.
09:48Phil?
09:49Yes.
09:50What's missing?
09:52BUZZER
09:53BUZZER
09:54BUZZER
09:55BUZZER
09:56Your whistle.
09:57BUZZER
09:58This one. This whistle.
09:59BUZZER
10:008 seconds.
10:01I need an answer.
10:02BUZZER
10:03BUZZER
10:04OK, please write that on the board.
10:05BUZZER
10:06Confident with that?
10:07Yes, one duck you've written.
10:08BUZZER
10:09BUZZER
10:10Off you go.
10:11BUZZER
10:12You need to be quicker with blowing your whistle.
10:13I won't be quick.
10:14BUZZER
10:15Why?
10:16Because you're moving things.
10:17BUZZER
10:18BUZZER
10:19BUZZER
10:20BUZZER
10:21OK, right.
10:26BUZZER
10:27BUZZER
10:28OK, good.
10:29Hi.
10:30Phil.
10:31Anya Magliano.
10:32Yes.
10:33What's missing?
10:34A chicken.
10:35Chicken.
10:36BUZZER
10:37Duck.
10:38BUZZER
10:39Maisie, what's missing?
10:40A pumpkin.
10:41Why didn't you say that?
10:42Because it's ripe.
10:43BUZZER
10:44Fucking hell.
10:45Fuck about this and we're missing it here now.
10:47Bastards.
10:48That was...
10:49Was that there?
10:50There's new stuff up.
10:51Cows.
10:52Was that there before?
10:53That is all stuff that's in that room.
10:55But that is that sock.
10:57BUZZER
10:58What's missing?
10:59Oh, the ducks are facing another way.
11:00Is that a clue?
11:01What's missing?
11:02Nothing.
11:03You haven't moved a thing.
11:04BUZZER
11:05BUZZER
11:06Only Magliano.
11:07What's missing?
11:08What's missing?
11:09What's missing?
11:10Wait.
11:11That apple wasn't there.
11:12BUZZER
11:13Is this the lobby?
11:14Does he really mean what's missing?
11:16I'm going to take everything off here.
11:18Is the question actually like, what would you put in this room?
11:21Yeah, boss.
11:22I've furnished it to my abilities.
11:23What's missing?
11:24What's missing?
11:25Nothing, Alex.
11:26It's perfect as it is.
11:35Ah.
11:36The ducks have gone everywhere.
11:38What's missing?
11:39OK.
11:40Yeah, well then all the ducks.
11:41All the...
11:42No, the ducks have found you.
11:43Absolutely.
11:46All of the ducks.
11:47These are appearing outside.
11:48Maybe they're being taken out through.
11:50That wasn't there.
11:51Yes, but what's missing?
11:52Sock.
11:53Egg.
11:54Apple.
11:55The question film?
11:56All is.
11:57What's new?
11:58What's new?
11:59Why would you do that?
12:00I think I've just got a hang of what's going on.
12:02You're just trying to turn me off and it's not working.
12:04BUZZER
12:05Fucking hell.
12:18Oh my God, what's going on?
12:20Oh, thank God you're here.
12:23Before you go.
12:24Do you know what that is out of interest?
12:26I don't know what's happening anymore.
12:27What's missing?
12:28Nothing.
12:29I'm worried these are things that aren't meant to be in the task and I'm seeing stuff again.
12:32I've rumbled you, hon.
12:35BUZZER
12:37Are you ready for your question, Phil?
12:38The final one.
12:39What connects all the correct answers?
12:41An iron.
12:42A butternut squash.
12:43A horse.
12:44An egg.
12:45What just connects all of these things?
12:46Yes, that's the question.
12:47They're all things...
12:48No, I couldn't get that up my arse.
12:49Good try.
12:50They're all nothing.
12:51They're all nothing.
12:52They're all nothing.
12:53Nothing.
12:54Yeah.
12:55They're all stuff I was left in my nana's will.
12:59They're all outside, on the shelf.
13:01In the waiting lobby.
13:06Thank you, Anya.
13:07I feel like I'm going to pass out.
13:11All right, good.
13:17Phil.
13:18And, Anya, did you work that out do you think?
13:20It drove me insane.
13:21It was horrible.
13:22It was crazy.
13:23It felt like some sort of torture system from an ancient culture.
13:27Phil.
13:28Phil, it was the most focused I've seen you throughout this series,
13:32up until the point you stated that you couldn't get a big iron up your bum.
13:37Well, not if it's hot.
13:41I'm waiting to give it a go if it's not been near a stove.
13:44Let it chill down, get some butter, bob to run for it.
13:49Now, then, what I was amazed by, because this hasn't been a characteristic
13:52of you during this series, is just how smug you were.
13:55You were so pleased with yourself.
13:57I thought I'd cracked it, I thought I'd worked out.
13:59Oh, that was my favourite bit.
14:00You going, I'm inside his head.
14:04Have you got a smug face?
14:05Well, maybe, have a look at this.
14:13Yeah, so we left them alone in the lobby and Anya and Phil noticed things.
14:27Oh, come on.
14:29And I can tell you that none of that is relevant to the task.
14:32Absolutely.
14:39Good.
14:40That is the end of part one and Alex's turn.
14:43For the first time ever, I'm going to let him send us into the break.
14:46Oh, thanks, Greg. That's right.
14:48OK, well, it's the end of part one and as far as people...
14:51Shut up!
14:53See you in a bit.
14:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:06Hello.
15:07Welcome back to the final part of this half of the show.
15:10What's he on about? Bonkers.
15:12Yes.
15:13In the current task, they had to keep leaving the living room
15:16and then working out what had changed upon their return.
15:19Now, finally, it's two impatient guys from the 60s,
15:22Sanjeef Bhaskar OBE and Rhys Wayne Shearsmith.
15:28Ah, Sanjeef Bhaskar, have a seat.
15:31Rhys Shearsmith.
15:32Yes.
15:33Have a seat.
15:35I'm going to ask you your question now.
15:36Yep.
15:37What's missing?
15:40Oh, no.
15:41There's something that was in the room that is no longer in the room.
15:44Er, my enthusiasm.
15:47Already?
15:48Yeah.
15:49Question one.
15:50Yep.
15:51Would you mind writing enthusiasm...
15:52Yep, sure.
15:53..on the board?
15:54I don't know if I can be arsed.
15:58Great, just nine more to go.
16:02The answer is one of the many ducks.
16:04Right, so you could have just written duck.
16:05So now penalised for being really clear.
16:08I mean, you can't win with you.
16:09Oh, Sanjeef Bhaskar.
16:13What's missing?
16:14Yellow duck.
16:16Ah.
16:20Hello, Sanjeef.
16:21What's missing?
16:25I'm going to go for another yellow duck.
16:27Duck, yep.
16:30There you go.
16:31Duck.
16:32Right.
16:33Which duck?
16:34Now you want to do...
16:35I knew you were going to say that!
16:36It's nothing to do with the duck.
16:37Start with the thing of it.
16:39What's missing?
16:40I'm going to say two yellow ducks.
16:44Er, my next answer is going to be another yellow duck.
16:46Oh, you can...
16:47Do you want me to put that in now?
16:48Do you know what?
16:49That'll save a bit of time, innit?
16:50Yeah.
16:53Do you want me to give you the next answer as well?
16:56Well, it would save some time.
16:57It's up to you if you want to.
16:58Okay.
16:59Great.
17:00Well, I've actually...
17:01The question for number six is actually what's new in the room.
17:03Oh, is it?
17:04Hmm.
17:05Yeah, what the hell?
17:06Duck, is it?
17:07Yeah.
17:09Rhys Shearsmith.
17:10What's missing?
17:11What's missing?
17:12What is missing?
17:13The duck's faces.
17:14You've got to tie off some ducks.
17:15There's a cat in here.
17:16Teapot.
17:17Rhys Shearsmith.
17:18How are you, just before I ask you the question?
17:19I think just get on with it.
17:20What's missing, is it?
17:21What's missing, yeah?
17:22Mr.
17:23Mr Rhys Shearsmith.
17:24That's what's missing.
17:25What was the one after that?
17:27Er, what's missing?
17:28Yeah, what's missing?
17:33Nothing's changed here.
17:35Definitely.
17:36Not.
17:38Well, that's new.
17:45So, just two questions left.
17:50Well, question nine is what's missing?
17:53What was in the room that isn't in the room now?
17:55Yep.
17:56Yep.
17:57OK.
17:58And then question ten is what connects all the correct answers?
18:01What connects?
18:02All the correct answers.
18:03OK.
18:06I do too.
18:07Excellent.
18:08And that's the end of the task.
18:09I didn't get to honk my horn as much as usual, but I will honk it now.
18:12There you go.
18:13I didn't do very well.
18:14By name, by noise.
18:16Thank you very much.
18:17Thank you, Sanjeev.
18:18We've got duck, duck faces.
18:20We've got a tie, some ducks, a cat, a teapot, mister and the colour permitted from a duck.
18:26I'm going to say it's duck things.
18:28Connects all the answers.
18:30That's it.
18:31See you, Rhys.
18:32I mean, that's one way to do it, Sanjeev.
18:33Not to care.
18:34But it's true.
18:35My enthusiasm, my will to live, my soul, they had all left the room.
18:47Did you have a lovely time, Rhys?
18:49It was frustrating.
18:50I thought the big duck walking out of the toilet, I thought, well, this is going to send him over the edge.
18:55Well, that's new.
18:57No, it was sort of, it was what you would do to break somebody.
19:01Shall we see what was actually missing?
19:03Who, yeah, who got it right?
19:05Well, Sanjeev didn't, of course, notice the enormous duck at any point.
19:09Couldn't give a shit.
19:11Well, let's see if that tactic works.
19:17This is what was going on.
19:20Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn.
19:24And return on Alex's whistle.
19:31Alex, I'm here.
19:32Helen!
19:33Blow your whistle!
19:34I'll do.
19:36What's missing?
19:37One of the many ducks.
19:38A pumpkin.
19:39Eggs.
19:40Eggs.
19:41Eggs.
19:42What's missing?
19:43Teapot.
19:44A horse.
19:45Nothing.
19:46There has been a slam of the door each time I've come out.
19:49The question for number six is actually what's near you in the rooms.
19:52Duck, is it?
19:53Yeah.
19:56What connects all the correct answers?
20:03Hang on, say it's duck.
20:05Duck things connects all the answers.
20:08Yeah.
20:09Not bad.
20:10Yeah.
20:11He's playing good in the end, but who would have thought?
20:15Literally a person who couldn't care less whether he was here or not has got the system right.
20:20Yeah.
20:21Well, Maisie, you didn't put duck once.
20:23What?
20:24That is stupid tusk!
20:26Please!
20:27You've changed your tune.
20:28That is so stupid.
20:29Show us mud face again.
20:30LAUGHTER
20:31APPLAUSE
20:40Phil, you got one and a half right out of ten.
20:42Oh, what's the half?
20:43Well, you put all the ducks were missing at one point because you didn't see that all the ducks were still in the room.
20:47Oh, yeah.
20:48In fact, just one of the ducks was missing at that point.
20:50So I've given you a half.
20:51Oh.
20:52Anya, you got two right.
20:53Rhys, you got five right.
20:54But the winner and five points to him is Sanjeev with six points!
20:56There it is!
20:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:02Scoreboard, please.
21:03Well, Rhys is in second place with seven points, but in the lead with eight points, it's Anya!
21:07Oh!
21:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:10OK.
21:11Right.
21:12Next task, please.
21:15OK.
21:16And it's time for an art task that made them go above and beyond the canvas.
21:21Ooh!
21:22Ooh!
21:27Ah!
21:40Hello.
21:57Hello.
21:59And stop.
22:01You feel safe?
22:02Well, I did.
22:03Now I don't, since you said that.
22:05I'm not going to talk to you until you're safe.
22:07Am I not safe?
22:08No.
22:09Safe from what?
22:11Peril.
22:12Peril?
22:13This will hurt a little bit.
22:15OK.
22:16Clicked in.
22:17You are secure.
22:19I haven't been harnessed in months.
22:25This is great.
22:27Oh, God!
22:28It's really quick how much it hurt and pulls you back.
22:33It pulls you back.
22:36Paint the best picture of one animal sitting on top of another animal.
22:41You must paint on the paper below.
22:48I didn't spot that.
22:50Excellent.
22:51You must not leave the balcony.
22:52You have 15 minutes and your time starts now.
22:56OK.
22:57Let me just have a little look at my things I've got.
22:59Interesting.
23:01So that's for the finer work.
23:04Oh, well, this is just stupid.
23:06It's a Taskmaster classic, really.
23:17It's paint a picture, you know, in difficult circumstances.
23:20Mm-hm.
23:21So I think we'll just crack on with it.
23:22But before we do, would anyone like to see Anya deliberately run away
23:26from something that she's been tethered to and make a noise
23:29like a small cat?
23:31LAUGHTER
23:33You're in luck.
23:35Wow!
23:43OK.
23:44Here they all are, creating their high-concept artwork.
23:48So, what animals are there?
23:50Snakes.
23:51Yes.
23:55Pig.
23:56An orangutan.
23:57Have you decided on your animal yet?
23:58No, I'm just trying to work out how useful these things are.
24:02No.
24:03No?
24:04Not yet.
24:05All right.
24:07I hear you're quite an artist, Rhys.
24:08Not on this scale.
24:10We need brown.
24:11Brown is red and blue.
24:14OK.
24:15Just going to be a mucky horse.
24:17So it's an orangutan sitting on a mucky horse.
24:19Yeah.
24:20That's a horse.
24:21Just screams horse to me.
24:25I'm trying to draw a top view of a hippopotamus.
24:30Hippos have quite big bodies.
24:33Oh, my God.
24:36Oh, that's lovely.
24:40Well, maybe it is a dragon.
24:41It could be a Komodo dragon.
24:43That's a dressing gown, isn't it?
24:45Well, that's quite good.
24:47Why not?
24:49Oh!
24:51This is high.
24:53Come on, horsey.
24:55Oh, this is so stupid.
24:58Right.
25:00Oh, this is ungainly.
25:02Oh!
25:04Shut up, Alex.
25:05Sorry.
25:07I'm going to have to use the tube.
25:09Alex, could you pour it in the end, really?
25:12Just stop when I tell you.
25:13Obviously.
25:14Right, start pouring.
25:16There we go.
25:18There we go!
25:20Stop pouring.
25:25Stop pouring, I said.
25:27I haven't.
25:31It's now a panda.
25:33That is striped ginger cat.
25:35Oh, it was good for a bit, this.
25:4615 seconds.
25:48Shut up!
25:49I'm quite happy with that.
25:50Do you want me to sign it?
25:52OK.
25:54He's got an eye!
25:55WHISTLE BLOWS
25:57APPLAUSE
26:03Oh.
26:05Phil, I've said it before, I'll say it again, I think you're wasted in this era.
26:09I think you're a 70s slapstick king.
26:12Thanks very much.
26:13I mean, how could you get wrapped up in your...
26:14I appreciate it.
26:15LAUGHTER
26:21We start with Phil's.
26:23I enjoyed this task.
26:28It's good.
26:29Well, it's an orangutan on either a dog, a horse, or a fire-breathing dragon.
26:34Yes!
26:35It's meant to be fire, but it looks like it is just bleeding from its mouth.
26:39But...
26:40It's a great orangutan.
26:41It's amazing.
26:42Yeah, the orangutan.
26:43And it's a great demonic creature.
26:44Intended.
26:45Very good, this, Phil.
26:46Oh, thank you.
26:47You're welcome.
26:48Let's have a look at Sanjeev's effort.
26:50Here we go.
26:54So, this is viewed from above.
26:56It's a ginger cat sitting on the back of a hippopotamus.
27:00Oh, OK.
27:01Yeah.
27:02Yeah, it's a...
27:03It's a big grey thing, all right?
27:05And it's a ginger cat?
27:07Yeah.
27:08Do you need me to make the noise?
27:09But...
27:11Can't.
27:13Who's next?
27:14Let's have a look at Maisie's one.
27:17Oh, wow.
27:18Never has anyone fucked up their own snake so quickly.
27:22You like the detail, though?
27:23The detail, though.
27:24The detail in the tail.
27:25That's pretty good.
27:26Squiggly piggy tail.
27:27Yeah.
27:28Squiggly piggy tail.
27:29Squiggly piggy tail.
27:30They've got corkscrew penises as well.
27:31Did you know?
27:32What?
27:33I did.
27:36What are you talking about, a corkscrew penis?
27:38They've got a penis that's shaped like a corkscrew.
27:40Like a spiral?
27:42No, the other bit.
27:43The arms.
27:44LAUGHTER
27:53OK, let's leave the gallery for a quick break,
27:55and then, as has happened throughout our friendship,
27:58I'll show Alex some images of one animal on top of another.
28:02LAUGHTER
28:03APPLAUSE
28:13Hello! Here we are again.
28:14Welcome back to an arty part three.
28:16Our contestants have all had a long-distance relationship
28:18with their canvases.
28:20Best picture of an animal sitting on top of another animal wins.
28:23And our next gallery singleton comes from resident artist
28:26Rhys Wayne Shearsmith.
28:29LAUGHTER
28:32It's a crocodile.
28:33Yeah.
28:35LAUGHTER
28:36It's a pretty good crocodile.
28:37Oh, it's a great crocodile.
28:38It's really good.
28:39If you imagine it, it's quite a coquettish panda...
28:42LAUGHTER
28:43..that's looking to the left like...
28:45LAUGHTER
28:47It's a pretty good...
28:48That's exactly what I was going for.
28:50Who's next?
28:51It's Anya's picture of this animal sitting on this animal.
28:55LAUGHTER
28:57Oh, wow, that is the worst, isn't it?
29:01LAUGHTER
29:02What do you mean?
29:03Is it a dolphin?
29:04Yeah.
29:05It's a whale.
29:06I can see it's aquatic.
29:07Yeah.
29:08Yeah.
29:09It's in the sea.
29:10And is the other animal the yellow thing?
29:11Yes.
29:12A chicken leg?
29:13A chicken leg.
29:14It's a bird.
29:15It's not a bird.
29:16You said it was a monkey.
29:17LAUGHTER
29:21All right.
29:22It's a rubbish monkey on top of some sort of aquatic creature.
29:25Show me them all and I'll make some decisions.
29:27OK.
29:28I really like all of the paintings.
29:30I do.
29:31I enjoy them.
29:32So I'm not going to give anyone one point.
29:34I know you won't like this.
29:35Right.
29:36I think that at the bottom of the pile with two points each,
29:39and I don't think this is unfair, would be Anya and Sanjeev.
29:42I certainly don't think that's a cat, and my God, that's no monkey.
29:46LAUGHTER
29:47But, sure, there's a hippo and I can see that's aquatic,
29:50so I'm going to give them two points each.
29:51OK.
29:52Two to Anya, two to Sanjeev.
29:53I've got it.
29:54I'm going to give four points each to Maisie and Rhys,
29:56because I really like their paintings.
29:58But it's the detail on the orangutan that takes the five points.
30:02I see the orangutan and I feel good.
30:04LAUGHTER
30:05APPLAUSE
30:11Please, may we have one more task?
30:13Yes, of course.
30:14And now it's time to put all five of them
30:16in some awkward positions in the dome.
30:19MUSIC PLAYS
30:34OK.
30:42Hi, Alex.
30:43Oh, hi, Maisie.
30:44In you go, Anya.
30:45In I go.
30:46Can I read that?
30:47Please read and do the task immediately.
30:50Your time's started when you walk through the door.
30:53Oh, OK.
30:54My time's already started.
30:56You need that in bigger writing,
30:57or maybe on the outside of the...
30:59Right.
31:00..the dome.
31:01OK, I'll get on that.
31:03Have a little look.
31:04I'll just read this, shall I?
31:06OK.
31:07You must read each of these instructions out
31:10and do them immediately.
31:12Stand on one leg and keep standing on one leg.
31:15Doing it now.
31:16That's my bad leg.
31:17That's it.
31:18Put one finger in your...
31:20I've got no balance.
31:21I've got flat feet.
31:22Put one finger in your ear and keep it there.
31:25Put your other hand on your head and keep it there.
31:28Pull an extreme facial expression
31:31and keep that expression on your face.
31:33There.
31:35Yeah, lovely.
31:37Wow.
31:38Your time has started and will end if you move your hands.
31:43Touch the ground with your foot.
31:45I've came to hope it happened.
31:47Please read and do the task immediately.
31:51The time starts when you walk through the door, yeah?
31:53What's the task?
31:56What's the task?
31:59All the information's on the task, Rhys.
32:01What?
32:02Is it just the task?
32:05Why is there a...
32:06Why is there an apple turnover?
32:08Why is...
32:09I don't understand the chicken.
32:10Why did the chicken cross the road?
32:12To get to the other side.
32:16Why did the chicken cross...
32:17Turnover!
32:18Turn up, turn the task...
32:19Oh, you...
32:20Ha-ha!
32:22Oh, come on!
32:30It's not touching the ground.
32:31Are you okay?
32:32Oh, you can...
32:33Oh.
32:34It's all right.
32:35It's fine.
32:36Oh, there we go.
32:37You've done it.
32:38You've done it.
32:39Oh, I've done it!
32:40Say the most five-letter words.
32:42If anyone uses the same five-letter words as you,
32:45five words will be lost...
32:47from both your totals.
32:49Most five-letter words wins.
32:52I have 20 minutes...
32:53Yeah.
32:55...of this!
33:06I think Rhys has spoken for everyone there.
33:09I mean, it's a fun task, you know?
33:11A lot of fun, yeah.
33:1220 minutes of this!
33:14It does seem like cruel torture.
33:16You're just resting on that thing.
33:18Mm, as always.
33:19All the information is on the task from that thing.
33:20Fuck off!
33:21Oh!
33:26Let's have a look.
33:27Let's have a look.
33:28OK, well, here is a clip about APR.
33:29No, not your annual percentage rate.
33:31It's Anya, Phil and Rhys, Wayne, Shearsmith.
33:37Say the most five-letter word.
33:39Erm...
33:41Am I allowed to rest the leg on anything?
33:45I've tried to put all the information on the task.
33:48Oh, that's opened up a whole new world to me.
33:52Ticks.
33:53Staff.
33:54Tiger.
33:55Horse.
33:56Lovely.
33:57Animals.
33:58Roads.
33:59Gangs.
34:00Crook.
34:01Crime.
34:02No.
34:03Pasty.
34:04Oh, no, but someone else has probably said that.
34:06Pasty!
34:07Oh!
34:08I'm just confused about why that's there.
34:10You've got 16 minutes left.
34:12Wait, what?
34:14Oh, no.
34:20Oh.
34:21I know, I know.
34:22No, that's the end of the task.
34:23What?
34:24It doesn't...
34:25Does it say that?
34:27Oh, shit.
34:29Oh, Anya.
34:32Oh.
34:34How long do I have to do it for?
34:36You've got a maximum of 20 minutes.
34:3720 minutes?
34:38Yeah.
34:39How many minutes left?
34:4012 and a half.
34:4112 and a half?!
34:42You've got 12 minutes left.
34:4312 minutes?!
34:44Jesus Christ!
34:46Tango!
34:47On the dances now.
34:48Oh, beasts.
34:49That's how that one.
34:50Right.
34:51Beasts.
34:52Teeth.
34:53No one's going to say that, aren't they?
34:54Teeth!
34:55Plane.
34:56I'll have plane.
34:57And I'll have the other plane as well, please.
34:59The I-N.
35:00Right, both planes.
35:01Got it.
35:02Pains.
35:03Cramp.
35:04Tired.
35:05Hurt.
35:06Cruel.
35:07I don't know if you know much about me, Alex, but...
35:09Don't quit.
35:10You do look in a lot of pain, though.
35:11I'm in so much pain.
35:13I didn't realise I'd sweat quite so much.
35:16Really sweaty.
35:17Sweat.
35:18Stats.
35:19Just two and a half minutes left.
35:21Great.
35:22Musky.
35:23Clean.
35:24Turf.
35:25Boots.
35:26Snow.
35:27Shoes.
35:28Death.
35:29Socks.
35:30Yeah, ten seconds.
35:31Let's end on a nice one.
35:33Do you know what?
35:34Laugh.
35:35We thought it would be one of them, couldn't we?
35:38That was real as well.
35:42APPLAUSE
35:44I thought it was fair that you were kicked out because I was not happy with your silly face maintenance.
35:56Oh.
35:57What?
35:58Really?
35:59Yeah.
36:00This was your silly face.
36:01LAUGHTER
36:02They're laughing at that.
36:03That's pretty silly, though.
36:04Good.
36:05A lot of pain.
36:06Yeah.
36:07A lot of sweat.
36:0820 minutes, one leg.
36:09No fucking leaning.
36:10You took advantage of the pain with your choice of words.
36:13I did.
36:14Pain, tired, hurt, cruel.
36:15Oh, wow.
36:16What a start.
36:17OK.
36:18It's time for some adverts now.
36:19But fortunately, their insipid blandness will only make the next part taste even sweeter.
36:27APPLAUSE
36:37Hello.
36:38Hello.
36:39Welcome to the final part of the show.
36:41How are you feeling about it all, Alex?
36:43You know, confident, relaxed, a little bit roundy, the Holy Trinity.
36:48The current task involves finding the other part of the task and then saying as many unique five-letter words as possible.
36:54But meanwhile, if a foot touches the floor, it's game over.
36:58With all of that in mind, and especially relevant, here is Maisie and Sanjeev.
37:05You must read each of these instructions out and do them immediately.
37:09Stand on one leg and keep standing on one leg.
37:15I'll just switch your legs.
37:17OK.
37:18Oh, bollocks.
37:19Right.
37:20I can't help noticing your foot keeps touching the ground.
37:22OK.
37:23Yeah.
37:26I really needed to go to the loo, actually.
37:28LAUGHTER
37:29This is it.
37:30The time is starting.
37:32What?
37:35For God's sake, what have I got to do?
37:42That's just the road.
37:43Why did the ticking cross the road?
37:46Is it about what?
37:47Oh, maybe.
37:48But why is there an apple pie?
37:50What's that for?
37:51An apple pie, is it?
37:57Is that apple pie?
38:00Oh!
38:01Is it an apple turnover?
38:03Why did the ticking cross the road to get to the apple turnover?
38:06Why did the ticking cross the bastard road?
38:11Oh!
38:12Bastard.
38:15My home on the...
38:17I don't think I have to do anything.
38:20You...
38:21You wouldn't have fed!
38:24Wouldn't you?
38:26Stop the clock!
38:28You want me to stop the clock?
38:30Yeah!
38:31I'm done!
38:32I'm done!
38:33OK.
38:34Bye!
38:36APPLAUSE
38:42I was so excited to do this show.
38:46I didn't understand the task.
38:47No.
38:48I got frustrated.
38:49Yes.
38:50And I left.
38:51True.
38:52All of that was evident.
38:54I've got some interesting statistics for you.
38:56Rhys, you said 117 words.
39:0041 of them were said by other people, mostly Phil,
39:03which means your final number is minus 88.
39:06Oh, that's hard.
39:07Because each of those 41 loses you five words.
39:09Yeah, yeah.
39:10So, Rhys, you come last.
39:11Great minds.
39:13That is shocking.
39:14Cruel.
39:15Maisie, you get minus 81.
39:16You get two points.
39:18Phil, minus 74 in the end.
39:20Anya, minus 49.
39:22The winner of the task was minus 32...
39:26..is Santis Bosco!
39:27The winner of the task, it turns out, was to not say a lot.
39:37If you'd not said a word, you would have won.
39:40You fucking mean to tell me...
39:45..that I stood sweating on one leg for 20 minutes...
39:50..and I've lost?
39:52Learn from Sanjeev.
39:53Care less.
39:57Let's have a look at the scores.
39:58Yes.
39:59Sanjeev, you were in second place on 13.
40:01One point away from Anya, who's got 14 points.
40:04APPLAUSE
40:10It's that time again.
40:11Please, will you make your way to the stage for the final task of the show?
40:13APPLAUSE
40:23Who will read the task, young fella, my lad?
40:25I think Anya's going to read it.
40:27OK.
40:29Demonstrate to the taskmaster the idiom demonstrated to you
40:33by your team-mate.
40:34All team members must remain silent and on their spots during a round.
40:39Best team wins.
40:41What is an idiom?
40:44Am I an idiom?
40:46They're just phrases.
40:47An idiom is something like jump on the bandwagon.
40:49And first up, it's going to be the team of two.
40:51I've got a list of phrases.
40:52I'm going to show you one, Maisie.
40:54You're going to demonstrate the idiom to your team-mate, Rhys Shearsmith.
40:58He will then, at the same time, do it to Greg.
41:01Essentially, charades with an extra link.
41:03OK.
41:04Greg, ready to guess?
41:05Oh, my God.
41:06OK, Rhys.
41:07I've never been readier.
41:08Here we go.
41:11Go.
41:19Rocking man.
41:20You can just copy her if you want.
41:28What do you think it is, Greg?
41:29What do you think it was, in the end, Rhys?
41:41Because you're the only one who saw it.
41:43Like a taste injection?
41:45Yes.
41:46A taste injection?
41:47He's just doing this.
41:48It's a phrase, so think about phrases.
41:50Yes.
41:51They've turned on each other.
41:52A taste?
41:53A taste of...?
41:54Of your own injection.
41:55A taste of your own medicine.
41:57Oh, yeah.
41:58They scored zero, so can we have two of the team of three, please?
42:00If you can go and sit down and swap chairs.
42:01Shall we go for...?
42:02OK.
42:03OK, so you've got to beat zero.
42:04Are you ready, Greg?
42:05Ready.
42:06Your time will start when you see the first one.
42:12Oh!
42:13Chat dog.
42:14Chat cat.
42:15Chat, chat.
42:16Chat.
42:17Chat or talk?
42:19Uh, uh.
42:20Uh...
42:21Uh.
42:22Dear?
42:23Dragon.
42:24The devil.
42:25Oh!
42:26So close!
42:27You were so close to it.
42:28What was it?
42:29I think Greg is the weak link in this.
42:31Yeah.
42:32Dear
42:36You were so close to it. What was it? I think Greg is the weak link in this
42:44It was of course speak of the speak of the devil
42:59Over
43:00Go go
43:04Go on go on a
43:11Wild right
43:15On a wild
43:26You have the actor Sanjeev Bhaskar with me nice and quiet everyone, please
43:30I
43:32I
43:34First word
43:35A
43:36Oh
43:37Moon
43:39Oh
43:40Leg
43:41Thigh
43:43Thigh
43:45Limb
43:47Oh shirt
43:49Blue
43:51Moon
43:53No blue moon
43:54Five seconds
43:56No balloon
43:57No blue moon
43:58A
43:59One
44:00First word
44:01What is it?
44:02Once in a blue moon
44:03Once in a blue moon
44:04It was once a blue moon
44:05It was once a blue moon
44:06It's one nil with one round to go
44:07Well done
44:08That was great Sanjeev
44:09This is the last round
44:10One nil
44:11So you need to build a lead here
44:12Good luck Greg
44:13Good luck Rhys
44:14Thank you
44:15Cold
44:20Cold
44:21Cold foot
44:22Cold shoe
44:23Cold foot
44:24Cold foot
44:27Cold feet
44:28Cold feet
44:29Cold feet
44:30Cold feet
44:31Cold feet
44:35Bite
44:37Bite
44:38Bite the bullet
44:39Correct
44:41Second hand
44:42Tick
44:43Listen
44:44Tick
44:45What's the time?
44:46Time to fly
44:50It's party time
44:51Time to fly
44:52Time to fly
44:53Time to fly
44:54Time to fly
44:55Time to fly
44:56Time to fly
44:59So far 3-0
45:00With one go to go
45:02Ready Greg?
45:03I mean yeah
45:04Ready Sanjeev?
45:05Ready Phil
45:12Bite
45:15Pit
45:16Okay
45:17First word
45:18Bye
45:19The
45:20The
45:21Don't bite the hand that feeds you surely
45:25By there is
45:26Oh
45:27By the spider
45:32By the spider
45:34What was it Phil?
45:35It was by
45:36It was dead easy
45:37By
45:38The
45:39Skin
45:40Of
45:41Your teeth
45:42Yeah
45:43I probably would have got that if it wasn't for this
45:48Add that to the final scores
45:49Back to the final scores
45:50Come down and join me
45:59Come on man
46:00Okay
46:01Well scores wise
46:02Yeah
46:03Well it's up to you
46:04The team of two got three right
46:05The team of three got zero right
46:06Right
46:07How do the points work?
46:08So five points to the team that got some right
46:09And no points to the ones who didn't get any
46:11Well done Maisie and Reece
46:12Five points each
46:13Oh
46:19So it's turned up for down the two people at the bottom are now at the top
46:21Maisie's in second place with 16 points but the winner is Reece with 17 points
46:26CHEERING
46:28Reece Shearsmith has won
46:30Please head up to secure your things with a surprise aspect of that
46:35CHEERING
46:36So what have we learnt from today's show? We've learnt this
46:42If you want to win in life be more Sanjeev
46:45Care less win more
46:48We've also learnt don't tie your cat to a fence
46:51Meow
46:52So
46:53And let's not forget this episode's winner
46:56Reece Shearsmith
46:57CHEERING
46:58Thank you
46:59Thank you
47:28Thank you
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