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00:00The end of the Civil War was near
00:05Went quite accidentally
00:07A hero who sneezed
00:09Abruptly ceased retreat
00:11And reversed it to victory
00:14His medal of honor
00:17Pleased and thrilled
00:18His proud little family group
00:21While pinning it on
00:23Some blood was spilled
00:24And so it was planned
00:25He'd command
00:26Neft Troop
00:27Where Indian fights
00:29Are colorful sights
00:31And nobody takes a licking
00:33Where pale face and red skin
00:36Both turn chicken
00:38When drilling and fighting
00:40Get them down
00:41They know their morale can't droop
00:43As long as they all relax in town
00:47Before they resume
00:48With a bang and a boom
00:49F Troop
00:59As long as theyTIN
01:00The spit van
01:01By the need
01:04restore
01:04Knew
01:06He's just Martins
01:07With a new
01:09Heい
01:10With Dул
01:11L
01:13He's just a little
01:14Duh
01:15Hello
01:15I know
01:16I know
01:16I know
01:17Duh
01:17I know
01:18F-Trope ready for pay call, sir.
01:44Good work. Thank you, Sergeant.
01:46Now.
01:48Uh, Agarn, Randolph, M-M-I.
02:05Yes, sir.
02:08Here you are, Corporal.
02:10Fifteen dollars.
02:11Thank you, Sergeant.
02:13O'Rourke, Morgan Sylvester.
02:15Here, sir.
02:16Here you are, Sergeant.
02:20Seventeen dollars.
02:22Thank you, sir.
02:23What?
02:24Something wrong, Sergeant?
02:25Well, sir, you overpaid me.
02:27You've given me a ten instead of a one.
02:29Well, of all the years I've been in the Army, I've never heard of a soldier complaining about
02:33being overpaid.
02:34Ah, well, sir, I'm just a poor horse soldier, but I only want what's coming to me.
02:39O'Rourke, you're all cavalry.
02:40Thank you, sir.
02:46Uh, Herbert.
02:47Hubert Herbert.
02:52All right, pay call for O'Rourke Enterprises.
02:55Employees, fall in.
02:57Employees ready for pay call.
03:01Sergeant, you've got more money there than the U.S. Army.
03:04That's because I'm smarter than the U.S. Army.
03:07Sure seems like business is terrific.
03:09Yeah, we had the biggest month ever.
03:10Business in the saloon alone was up 33%.
03:13Are the men drinking that much more whiskey?
03:16No, they're drinking that much more water.
03:18The only way a guy can get drunk in your saloon is if he orders a double mince pie.
03:24Dobbs.
03:24Hannibal Shirley.
03:27Here, sir.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:28Here.
03:29Here.
03:30Here.
03:30Here.
03:30Here.
03:31Here.
03:31Here.
03:32Here.
03:32Here.
03:33Wilton, here's a letter for you.
03:40Jane, please.
03:41I happen to be paying the troops.
03:43Now, where was I, Dobbs?
03:44Uh, seven, sir.
03:45We'll just keep right on counting.
03:47But it's from Washington.
03:49The War Department.
03:50Office of the Chief of Staff, stamped official, urgent, and top secret.
03:54Hmm.
03:55Sounds like it might be important.
03:56I guess you could say that.
03:58I wonder what they're up to in Washington.
04:03I've informed the commander of Fort Courage that you're a man will be there to start the experiment.
04:11I can't tell you how grateful we are to the British Army.
04:14We're both fighting Injins, you know.
04:16Hands across the sea and that sort of thing, old boy.
04:19Mr. Colonel Willoughby.
04:20Our information has it that Cochise and Geronimo combined forces.
04:24Now, this, sir, could pose quite a problem for our armies.
04:28They shan't have any trouble when our Major Bentley Royce shows them the tactics he uses with the Bengal Lancers.
04:35He's outwitted the beggars from Bombay to the Khyber Pass.
04:39Sounds like he's quite a soldier.
04:40He's a living legend.
04:43If he had been with Cleave, there never would have been a black hole of Calcutta.
04:48What, um, tactics does he use?
04:50Mainly it's infiltration.
04:52He is a master in the use of disguises, in getting his troops behind the enemy lines.
04:57That's why he's known in Inja as the Phantom Major.
05:01Phantom Major.
05:02Now you see him, now you don't.
05:04Yeah, sounds real interesting.
05:07Great.
05:08Colonel, tell me, uh, just, uh, what does this fellow look like?
05:12I've never seen him.
05:14You've never seen him?
05:15No.
05:16But he's due to meet me here momentarily.
05:18Major Bentley Royce, reporting for duty, sir.
05:22He's outwitted the king of Calcutta.
05:53At ease, men.
05:55Men, as you know, we've been chosen to be the test troop for a new experiment by the army in Indian fighting.
06:02Now, sending someone to teach us how to fight Indians is like sending someone to teach Betsy Ross how to make a flag.
06:15You know, we should relax as a troop when you're giving a little joke.
06:18Well, that certainly is a little joke, sir.
06:23When Major Bentley Royce arrives, I want each of you to show him real F Troop hospitality.
06:30Vanderbilt, any sign of Major Bentley Royce?
06:32No, thanks, Captain. I just ate.
06:36Vanderbilt, can you see the Major?
06:38No sign yet, Sergeant.
06:40He should have been here two hours ago.
06:43Yeah, well, with the Captain's permission, I'd like to take out a search party. Something may have happened to him, sir.
06:47Be a shame if the Indians got him before he showed us how to get the Indians.
06:51Yeah.
06:51I'll go with you, Sergeant. I'll get my rifle.
06:53Ah, good. Right, sir.
06:58Vanderbilt, keep your eyes and ears open.
07:00What's that, Sarge?
07:02Ah, forget it.
07:03Major Bentley Royce reporting for duty, sir.
07:24Major, what are you doing in the closet?
07:26Wanted to give you a practical demonstration of the infiltration tactics that have made me a living legend.
07:33Oh, well, well, come in. Come in.
07:36I was about to lead a search party for you, but I must admit the last place I'd ever think to look is in the closet.
07:42Why do you think they call me the Phantom Major?
07:46My orders, Captain.
07:48I want you to sit down, Major.
07:50Well, everything seems to be in order, Major.
07:58Well, Captain, the search party is ready.
08:01Oh, that won't be necessary now, Sergeant.
08:02As you can see, the Major has already arrived.
08:08Well, where is he, sir?
08:10What?
08:12He must be in the closet.
08:14The Major in the closet, sir?
08:18That's where I found him.
08:20He wanted to demonstrate that he could slip into the fort without our noticing it.
08:26I got you this thing!
08:31I don't understand it.
08:32Where could he be?
08:33Uh, why doesn't the Captain lie down for a while, sir?
08:42On the medical officer's cot.
08:44No, no, no.
08:44Well, of course you're all right, Captain.
08:46I bet I...
08:46Sergeant, I tell you, he was in the closet.
08:48Of course.
08:49Well, we'll just have one more look, shall we?
08:55There.
08:55You see?
08:57There's...
08:57Gah!
09:01Stand easy, chaps.
09:02There, you see?
09:03I told you he was in the closet.
09:05I think I'd better lie down in the medical officer's cot.
09:08Major Bentley Royce, this is Sergeant O'Rourke and Corporal Agard.
09:12Carry on, chaps.
09:13The two best Indian fighters in the West.
09:15Now that the Phantom Major has arrived, they are the two second best Indian fighters in
09:19the West.
09:20Well, now, I don't know.
09:21We haven't done too bad so far, sir.
09:23With all due modesty, I think you'll do much better when I teach you my bag of tricks.
09:28It might not work out here.
09:30There are no closets and teepees.
09:31I was indulging in a bit of whimsy.
09:33Oh.
09:34When I'm through training F Troop, the fort will become obsolete.
09:38Obsolete?
09:39Absolutely.
09:40With the Bentley Royce tactics, F Troop will become a roving band of highly trained fighters
09:44with the ability to harass the enemy by roaming behind his lines.
09:47Oh, but wouldn't we still need the fort?
09:49I shall also teach your men to, uh, live off the land.
09:53Live off the land?
09:54We're having enough trouble surviving the mess hall, sir.
09:57Oh, you'll be amazed how little food the human body requires.
10:00I was once trapped in the Khyber Pass with a squadron of the 10th Gurkha Rifles.
10:04We managed to live for a whole week on nothing but curried cartridge belts.
10:07Madras style, of course.
10:09I must say, sir, that our cartridge belts are not that tasty.
10:12Yeah, I tried to eat one the other day for dessert and it was awful.
10:17Oh, Wilton, I'm sorry I didn't know you were busy.
10:20No, excuse me.
10:22No man is ever too busy to talk to a beautiful lady.
10:26Well, I really don't know what to say.
10:29Don't say anything.
10:30Just stand there looking beautiful.
10:33Uh, regular Jane?
10:35This is Major Phantom.
10:37No, no, no.
10:38The Phantom Major.
10:39Oh, yes, yes, Major Bentley Royce of the Bengal Lancers.
10:42A living legend.
10:44Well, I'm very happy to meet you, Major.
10:46Pleasure is mine, I assure you.
10:48And now, if you'll excuse me, I must retire to my quarters.
10:51It's been a long journey.
10:54Mr. Ben.
11:00Pardon me.
11:02I'll show you to your quarters.
11:04May I have the pleasure of your company at, uh, T, Mim's Out?
11:07Well, shucks, I guess so.
11:12You will give this to my orderly, Captain.
11:18Till later, then.
11:22Shall we?
11:23Chair help.
11:29Ain't he dashing?
11:31Oh, I don't know.
11:32Well, what's so dashing about him?
11:41Well, are you all right?
11:42I'm all right.
11:43I'm all right.
11:50Well, it looks like the end of O'Rourke Enterprises.
11:53And this ain't gonna help our partners, the Hakawis, either.
11:56Yeah, well, don't worry, Aigarn.
11:57Well, it's pretty tough to look after business when we're running around the country eating
12:02cartridge belts.
12:03We've still got an ace in the hole.
12:05What's that?
12:06He hasn't seen his pupils yet.
12:08Wait till he gets a load of F-Troop.
12:10Then the phantom major may disappear altogether.
12:18I looked up, and here was this lion, quivering with irritation.
12:21Oh, I'm sorry.
12:24I didn't know she was there.
12:25Are you all right, Jane?
12:26Uh, yeah, I think so.
12:28A cup of tea will soothe your nerves.
12:29Oh, thank you.
12:30I could use it.
12:31Not you, her.
12:33Captain, sir, the Troop is waiting.
12:35Oh, yes.
12:35Yes, Sergeant.
12:37Get off.
12:38Get off.
12:39All right, sir.
12:40You're absolutely mad.
12:41I'll hold the chair for her.
12:43Uh, won't you sit down, my dear?
12:46Captain!
12:47They're waiting!
12:48Right now.
12:49Look what you've done.
12:50Oh.
12:50I think you'd better leave before you kill her.
13:00I'll be right back, Jane.
13:03Don't hurry, Wilton.
13:08Troop!
13:09Hedge!
13:09Hut!
13:11Shall I be mother?
13:14Right face!
13:15Those facing left, right, face!
13:21Those facing right, left, face!
13:29Uh, face me.
13:34Good work, men.
13:35Captain, don't you think we ought to give our honored guest a cannon salute?
13:38Oh, good idea, Sergeant.
13:40Gunners, man your cannon.
13:41Captain, we'll take care of it.
13:46Major Bentley Royce, F Troop salute you.
13:50Take off.
13:51Carry on, chaps.
13:54Present arm!
13:59Fire!
14:00Take on.
14:06Take on.
14:17Oh, good shot.
14:19Jane, I'm so major.
14:25Captain, is the commenter?
14:27I'm leaving.
14:29I'll help you pack.
14:30No, no, no.
14:31I'm just going to replace my tea service.
14:34You mean that you want to stay here and train us after what you just saw?
14:37With the Bentley Royce method of Indian warfare, I told you I would make the fort obsolete.
14:42I will now demonstrate how to make the cannon obsolete.
14:55Men of F Troop, today is your first field manoeuvre in the new style of Indian fighting.
15:01Phase one, the art of infiltration through camouflage.
15:04Tomorrow, we are going to be reviewed by my commanding officer, Colonel Willivere,
15:09and your Inspector General, Colonel Sanders.
15:12I want to show them what a cracked troop you have become.
15:15Oh, Major.
15:16Yes, horse?
15:18What do we do if somebody tries to saddle us?
15:20Give him a sharp kick with your hoof.
15:29With your permission, Captain, I shall take the troop out for a manoeuvre.
15:32Permission granted.
15:34Bugler, blow assembly.
15:48Troop, left, tongue.
15:53That means left, face.
15:58By the front, double, march.
16:02Up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four, up, two, three, four.
16:12With the captain's permission, sir, I'd like to say that Major Bentley Royce is cracking up.
16:15I think they get that way from riding camels.
16:18Shakes the brains loose.
16:19Man, it's embarrassing, sir.
16:21Can't you just see it?
16:22Someday a kid will turn to his father and say, Daddy, what did you do in the Indian War?
16:26And the father will say I was a tree stump in F-Troop.
16:30Well, man, I'm not too happy about things myself, but we have to follow orders.
16:34Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get into my tumbleweed outfit.
16:37Greetings, great white partners.
17:05How are you, Allie?
17:08Greetings, Chief.
17:09Long time no see.
17:10Yeah, well, listen, we've got a little trouble down at the fort.
17:12If you have trouble, must remember wise old Indian saying,
17:18Bullfrog who sits on lily pad never do much croaking.
17:23What's so wise about that?
17:25You know wiser saying?
17:28Well, now, listen.
17:29We got some bad news, see?
17:31They sent out this guy and this fellow...
17:33Sarge, hold it.
17:34What's the matter?
17:34The tree.
17:35He may be listening.
17:37Oh.
17:49Now, like I was saying, Chief, we're in trouble, see?
17:52If you two think tree listens, you're in big trouble.
17:56You don't understand.
17:57A couple of days ago, you see, they sent this fellow out from work.
18:00All right, Vanderbilt, I know you're in there.
18:17Come on out.
18:20Do you hear me, Vanderbilt?
18:21That's an order.
18:22The horse is for real.
18:31I think.
18:32Why not you two go to medicine man's teepee, lie down on cot?
18:38Let's not take any chances.
18:40Come on, step over here.
18:43Tell us, Chief.
18:44Hold it, Sarge.
18:45What's the matter?
18:46They might be in there.
18:46There.
18:49I go lay down in medicine man's teepee.
18:52Chief.
18:54All right.
18:55Come on out.
18:58I think you and friend better give up fire water.
19:04You don't understand.
19:05Now, look.
19:05They sent this man out to teach us new ways to fight Indians.
19:08Nothing personal, Chief.
19:09No, no, but we've got to get rid of him.
19:10A cow is very happy to help.
19:13Our tribe, very brave warriors, except for one thing.
19:17What's that?
19:18We faint a lot.
19:20Fire that I think may work.
19:22Safer in teepee, Sarge.
19:24You're right.
19:24Come on.
19:29Is that you, Duffy?
19:31My name, Wild Turkey.
19:33See you at Thanksgiving.
19:38Agarn, any sign of Wild Eagle signal yet?
19:40No, not yet.
19:41He'd better hurry.
19:42The Inspector General and that British Colonel are going to be here this afternoon.
19:45Chief won't let us down.
19:47You think not?
19:48He needs us as much as we need him.
19:49Well, I hope you're right.
19:51There it is.
19:51Yeah, yeah, we're in.
19:55Come on.
19:57And, sir, I was strolling through this Bengali's jungle.
20:00I suddenly came face to face with this enraged bull elephant.
20:04Looking him firmly in the eye, I gave the beast a sharp rap on the trunk, and he was mine.
20:10Oh, how exciting, wasn't it, Wilton?
20:12Wilton?
20:14Oh, yeah, yes.
20:14I love tiger stories.
20:18Captain, sir, I think the Hakawis are on the warpath.
20:21What?
20:21What makes you think so?
20:22Smoke signals, sir.
20:27Bye, Joe.
20:28I wonder what the beggars are saying.
20:30Sergeant O'Rourke is the only one who reads smoke.
20:32Yes, well, they're calling in all the braves.
20:34I'm afraid this may mean trouble, sir.
20:36Maybe we'd better do a little scouting, Sarge.
20:38Oh, you're right, with the captain's permission.
20:40Right.
20:41Oh, wait a minute, Sarge.
20:42With the captain's permission, maybe Major Bentley Royce would like to test out his new style of Indian fighting through the art of infiltration, through camouflage.
20:50Are you loco?
20:51This is not a training maneuver.
20:53I think those Indians may mean business.
20:55Hold on.
20:56I think going out there is a smashing idea.
20:59Uh, but isn't your colonel arriving this afternoon with the inspector general?
21:02I assure you, we'll be back in plenty of time.
21:07Keep the pot hot, my dear.
21:10I'll get my tree and be right with you.
21:18I still think you ought to take a few more men with you on the scouting, Sergeant.
21:22No, no, we can handle this, Captain.
21:23Don't forget, sir, we've got the Phantom Major with us.
21:25Yeah, it's the living legend.
21:27Well, I'd still feel a lot better if you'd at least take another tree stump.
21:29Now, don't worry about a thing, Captain.
21:31And we can handle this very nicely.
21:32All right, let's have it.
21:33Fall in, Agarn.
21:34Here we go.
21:42Lead me to the outskirts of the camp so I can see what the beggars are planning.
21:52Go up ahead and reconnoiter.
21:54Do what, sir?
21:56Observe the terrain.
21:59Go and see if there's anybody there.
22:00Why didn't you say so in the first place?
22:12Running deer, crazy cat.
22:14Follow me.
22:15We got that tree.
22:16Steady on.
22:16You beastly bounders.
22:28Care for another spot, Colonel?
22:31No, no, no, thanks.
22:35Wilton, don't you think you ought to send a scouting party to see what happened to the Major?
22:39You're right.
22:40I'll lead the party myself.
22:41Now, of course, for worrying, old boy.
22:43Good man, Bentley Royce.
22:44Now, that's right, Barmoney.
22:46This man is a living legend.
22:48That's what he keeps telling us.
22:50Every day.
22:51Oh, Sergeant O'Rourke and Corporal Agard reporting, sir.
23:09Where's Major Bentley Royce?
23:11Terrible thing happened, sir.
23:12He was captured.
23:13By the Indians?
23:14No, sir.
23:14By another tree.
23:15Believe it, not the Phantom Major.
23:19Look!
23:36Wilton, it's an open Hikawis.
23:39Hikawis?
23:39What does it say?
23:41Old Hikawis saying, you never can fool Indian with sap in tree.
23:46A shattering experience.
23:48Fell by another tree.
23:50Well, Colonel, that means we'll have to give up the idea of infiltration through camouflage.
23:55Why don't you have a cup of tea, Major?
23:57It'll soothe your nerves.
23:58What time is it?
24:00About four.
24:01A bit early.
24:01I think I'm sure.
24:02Oh, yes, Major.
24:03Good idea.
24:05Look!
24:05Another smoke signal.
24:10Oh, don't tell me the beggars are going on the warpath again.
24:15What does it say, Sergeant O'Rourke?
24:17Uh, please disregard previous message.
24:27Well, it's sure good to have O'Rourke Enterprises back in business.
24:31Yeah, that's fine, but we've got to get over to the saloon right away.
24:33I saw a drunk in there last night.
24:35Well, he really must have been eating a lot of that mince pie.
24:37Now, what were you saying, Wilton?
24:42Really, Jane, they almost caught us.
24:44Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
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