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00:00The end of the Civil War was near
00:05Went quite accidentally
00:07A hero who sneezed
00:09Abruptly ceased retreat
00:11And reversed it to victory
00:14His medal of honor
00:17Pleased and thrilled
00:18His proud little family group
00:21While pinning it on
00:23Some blood was spilled
00:24And so it was planned
00:25He'd command
00:26Neft Troop
00:27Where Indian fights
00:29Are colorful sights
00:31And nobody takes a licking
00:33Where pale face and red skin
00:36Both turn chicken
00:38When drilling and fighting
00:40Get them down
00:41They know their morale can't droop
00:43As long as they all relax in town
00:47Before they resume
00:48With a bang and a boom
00:49F Troop
00:59The end of the Civil War
01:11The end of the Civil War
01:14F-Trope ready for pay call, sir.
01:44Good work. Thank you, Sergeant.
01:46Now.
02:01Uh, Agarn, Randolph, MMI.
02:05Yes, sir.
02:08Here you are, Corporal.
02:10Fifteen dollars.
02:11Thank you, sir.
02:13O'Rourke.
02:14Morgan Sylvester.
02:15Here, sir.
02:18There you are, Sergeant.
02:20Seventeen dollars.
02:21Thank you, sir.
02:23What? Something wrong, Sergeant?
02:25Well, sir, you overpaid me.
02:27You've given me a ten instead of a one.
02:29Well, of all the years I've been in the Army,
02:31I've never heard of a soldier complaining about being overpaid.
02:34Ah, well, sir, I'm just a poor horse soldier,
02:36but I only want what's coming to me.
02:38O'Rourke, you're all capital.
02:40Thank you, sir.
02:41Thank you, sir.
02:46Uh, Herbert.
02:47Hubert Herbert.
02:48All right, pay call for O'Rourke Enterprises.
02:55Employees, fall in.
02:57Employees ready for pay call.
03:01Sergeant, you've got more money there than the U.S. Army.
03:04That's because I'm smarter than the U.S. Army.
03:07Sure seems like business is terrific.
03:09Yeah, we had the biggest month ever.
03:10Business in the saloon alone was up 33%.
03:13Are the men drinking that much more whiskey?
03:16No, they're drinking that much more water.
03:18The only way a guy can get drunk in your saloon
03:20is if he orders a double mince pie.
03:24Dobbs.
03:24Hannibal Shirley.
03:25Here, sir.
03:36Welton, here's a letter for you.
03:40Jane, please, I happen to be paying the troops.
03:43Now, where was I, Dobbs?
03:44Uh, seven, sir.
03:45We just keep right on counting.
03:47But it's from Washington.
03:49The War Department.
03:50Office of the Chief of Staff.
03:52Stamped official, urgent, and top secret.
03:54Hmm, sounds like it might be important.
03:56I guess you could say that.
03:58I wonder what they're up to in Washington.
04:06I've informed the commander of Fort Courage
04:08that your man will be there to start the experiment.
04:11I can't tell you how grateful we are to the British Army.
04:14We're both fighting Injims, you know.
04:16Hands across the sea and that sort of thing, old boy.
04:19As Colonel Wallaby,
04:20our information has it that Cochise and Geronimo
04:22combined forces.
04:24Now, this, sir, could pose quite a problem for our armies.
04:28They shan't have any trouble
04:29when our Major Bentley Royce shows them
04:32the tactics he uses with Bengal lancers.
04:35He's outwitted the beggars from Bombay to the Khyber Pass.
04:39Sounds like he's quite a soldier.
04:40He's a living legend.
04:43If he had been with Cleave,
04:44there never would have been a black hole of Calcutta.
04:46What tactics does he use?
04:50Mainly it's infiltration.
04:53He is a master in the use of disguises
04:55in getting his troops behind the enemy lines.
04:57That's why he's known in Inja
04:59as the Phantom Major.
05:01Phantom Major.
05:03Now you see him, now you don't.
05:04Yeah, sounds real interesting.
05:07Great.
05:08Colonel, tell me,
05:08just, what does this fellow look like?
05:12I've never seen him.
05:14You've never seen him?
05:15No.
05:16That is you to meet me here momentarily.
05:19Major Bentley Royce
05:20reporting for duty, sir.
05:22Troop!
05:49Head-hut!
05:49at ease men men as you know we've been chosen to be the test troop for a new experiment by
06:00the army in indian fighting now sending someone to teach us how to fight indians is
06:06like sending someone to teach betsy ross how to make a flag
06:10you know we should relax as a troop when you're given a little joke
06:17that certainly is a little joke sir when major bentley royce arrives i want each of you to
06:26show him real f troop hospitality vanderbilt any sign of major bentley royce no thanks captain
06:33i just ate vanderbilt can you see the major no sign yet sergeant he should have been here two hours
06:41ago yeah well with the captain's permission i'd like to take out a search party something may
06:46have happened to him sir be a shame if the indians got him before he showed us how to get the indians
06:51yeah i'll go with you sergeant i'll get my rifle ah good right sir
06:54vanderbilt keep your eyes and ears open what's that serge
07:01major bentley royce reporting for duty sir major what are you doing in the closet wanted to give you a
07:27practical demonstration of the infiltration tactics that have made me a living legend
07:32oh well come in come in i was about to lead a search party for you but i must admit the last
07:40place i'd ever think to look is in the closet why do you think they call me the phantom major
07:45well everything seems to be in order major and i can see the search party is ready oh that won't be
08:01necessary now sergeant as you can see the major has already arrived
08:05well where is he must be in the closet the major in the closet that's where i found him
08:19he wanted to demonstrate that he could slip into the fort without our noticing it
08:23i don't understand it where could he be
08:33uh but why why doesn't the captain lie down for a while sir on the medical officer's cot
08:44well of course you're all right captain i bet sergeant i tell you he was in the closet of course
08:49well we'll just have one more look shall we
08:51there you see there's
08:57stand easy chaps there you see i told you he was in the closet
09:04i think i'd better lie down in the medical officer's cot
09:07major bentley royce this is sergeant o'rourke and corporal agard
09:11carry on chaps the two best indian fighters in the west
09:15now that the phantom major has arrived they are the two second best indian fighters in the west
09:20well now i don't know we haven't done too bad so far sir
09:23with all due modesty i think you'll do much better when i teach you my bag of tricks
09:28it might not work out here there are no closets and teepees
09:32i was indulging in a bit of whimsy oh
09:34when i'm through training f troop the fort will become obsolete obsolete absolutely
09:40the bentley royce tactics f troop will become a roving band of highly trained fighters with the
09:44ability to harass the enemy by roaming behind his lines oh but wouldn't we still need the fort
09:49i shall also teach your men to uh live off the land live off the land we're having enough
09:55trouble surviving the mess hall sir oh you'll be amazed how little food the human body requires
10:00i was once trapped in the kyber pass with the squadron of the 10th gurkhu rifles we managed to
10:04live for a whole week on nothing but curried cartridge belts madras style of course i must say
10:10sir that our cartridge belts are not that tasty yeah i tried to eat one the other day for dessert and
10:14it was awful oh wilton i i'm sorry i didn't know you were busy no excuse me no man is ever too busy
10:23to talk to a beautiful lady well i really don't know what to say don't say anything just stand there
10:31looking beautiful uh regular jane this is major phantom no no no the phantom major oh yes yes major
10:40bentley royce of the bengal lancers a living legend well i'm very happy to meet you major pleasure is
10:46mine i assure you and now if you'll excuse me i must retire to my quarters it's been a long journey
10:53i'll show you to your quarters may i have the pleasure of your company at uh
11:06team ms up chucks i guess so
11:12you will give this to my orderly captain
11:14a little later then shall we chair how
11:29ain't he dashing oh i don't know what's so dashing about him
11:34well it looks like the end of o'rourke enterprises and this ain't going to help our
11:54partners the hakawis either yeah well don't worry agard well it's pretty tough to look after
12:00business when we're running around the country eating cartridge belts we still got an ace
12:04in the hole what's that he hasn't seen his pupils yet well he gets a load of f troop then the phantom
12:11major may disappear altogether
12:18i looked up and here was this line quivering with irritation
12:23oh i'm sorry i didn't know she was there are you all right jane oh yeah i think so a cup of tea
12:28will soothe your nerves oh thank you i could use it not you her captain sir
12:34the troop is waiting oh yes yes sergeant
12:40you're absolutely clean that i'll hold the chair for her uh don't you sit down my dear captain
12:47they're waiting i think you better leave before you kill her i'll be right
13:01back jane don't hurry wilton
13:04i'll be right
13:08should i be mother
13:12right face
13:19those facing left right face those facing right left face
13:23uh face me
13:34good work men
13:35captain don't you think we ought to give our honored guest a cannon salute
13:38oh good idea sergeant gunners man your cannon
13:41captain captain captain we'll take care of him
13:46major bentley royce f troop salute you there you go carry on chaps
13:54present arm
13:59fire
14:00take care of him
14:05take care of him
14:17oh good shot
14:19James, I'm so major.
14:25Captain, commenter.
14:27I'm leaving.
14:29I'll help you pack.
14:30No, no, no.
14:31I'm just going to replace my tea service.
14:34You mean that you want to stay here and train us after what you just saw?
14:37With the Bente Royce method of Indian welfare, I told you I would make the fort obsolete.
14:42I will now demonstrate how to make the cannon obsolete.
14:49N of F Troop, today is your first field manoeuvre in the new style of Indian fighting.
15:01Phase one, the art of infiltration through camouflage.
15:05Tomorrow, we are going to be reviewed by my commanding officer, Colonel Willivier,
15:09and your Inspector General, Colonel Sanders.
15:12I want to show them what a cracked troop you have become.
15:15Oh, Major.
15:16Yes, horse?
15:17What do we do if somebody tries to saddle us?
15:20Give him a sharp kick with your hoof.
15:29With your permission, Captain, I shall take the troop out for a manoeuvre.
15:32Permission granted.
15:39Bugler, blow assembly.
15:40Troop, left, tongue.
15:53That means left, face.
15:58By the front, double, march.
16:02With the captain's permission, sir, I'd like to say that Major Bentley Royce is cracking up.
16:15I think they get that way from riding camels.
16:18Shakes the brains loose.
16:19Man, it's embarrassing, sir.
16:21Can't you just see it?
16:22Someday a kid will turn to his father and say,
16:24Daddy, what did you do in the Indian War?
16:26Oh, and the father will say I was a tree stump in F-Troop.
16:30Well, man, I'm not too happy about things myself, but we have to follow orders.
16:34Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get into my tumbleweed outfit.
16:37Greetings, great white partners.
17:05How are you, Ali?
17:06Greetings, Chief.
17:09Long time no see.
17:10Yeah, well, listen, we've got a little trouble down at the fort.
17:12If you have trouble, must remember wise old Indian saying,
17:18Bullfrog who sits on lily pad never do much croaking.
17:23What's so wise about that?
17:25You know wiser saying?
17:28Well, now, listen.
17:29We got some bad news, see?
17:31They sent out this guy, this fellow.
17:33Sergeant, hold it.
17:34What's the matter?
17:34The tree.
17:35You may be listening.
17:36Now, like I was saying, Chief, we're in trouble, see?
17:52If you two think tree listens, you're in big trouble.
17:56You don't understand.
17:57A couple of days ago, you see, they sent this fellow out from work.
18:15All right, Vanderbilt.
18:16I know you're in there.
18:17I know you're in there.
18:17Come on up.
18:20Do you hear me, Vanderbilt?
18:21That's an order.
18:30The horse is for real.
18:31I think.
18:32Why not you two go to medicine man's teepee, lie down on cot.
18:38Let's, uh, let's not take any chances.
18:40Come on, step over here.
18:43Tell us, Chief.
18:44Hold it, Sarge.
18:45What's the matter?
18:46They might be in there.
18:47There.
18:49I go lay down in medicine man's teepee.
18:52Chief.
18:53All right.
18:55Come on out.
18:56I think you and friend better give up fire water.
19:04You don't understand.
19:05Now, look, they sent this man out to teach us new ways to fight Indians.
19:08Nothing personal, Chief.
19:09No, no, but we've got to get rid of him.
19:11A cow is very happy to help.
19:14Our tribe, very brave warriors, except for one thing.
19:17What's that?
19:18We faint a lot.
19:20A fire that I think may work.
19:22Safer in teepee, Sarge.
19:24You're right.
19:24Come on.
19:26Is that you, Duffy?
19:31My name, Wild Turkey.
19:33See you at Thanksgiving.
19:38Agarn, any sign of Wild Eagle signal yet?
19:40No, not yet.
19:41He'd better hurry.
19:42The Inspector General and that British Colonel are going to be here this afternoon.
19:45The Chief won't let us down.
19:47You think not?
19:48He needs us as much as we need him.
19:49Well, I hope you're right.
19:51There it is.
19:51Yeah, yeah, we're in.
19:52Come on.
19:57And, sir, I was strolling through this Bengali's jungle.
20:00I suddenly came face to face with this enraged bull elephant.
20:04Looking him firmly in the eye, I gave the beast a sharp rap on the trunk, and he was mine.
20:09Oh, how exciting, wasn't it, Wilton?
20:12Wilton?
20:14Oh, yeah, yes.
20:14I love tiger stories.
20:18Captain, sir, I think the Hakawis are on the warpath.
20:21What?
20:21What makes you think so?
20:22Smoke signals, sir.
20:23Hi, Joe.
20:28I wonder what the beggars are saying.
20:30Sergeant O'Rourke is the only one who reads smoke.
20:32Yes, well, they're calling in all the braves.
20:34I'm afraid this may mean trouble, sir.
20:36Maybe we'd better do a little scouting, Sarge.
20:38Oh, you're right.
20:39With the captain's permission.
20:40Right.
20:41Oh, wait a minute, Sarge.
20:42With the captain's permission.
20:44Maybe Major Bentley Royce would like to test out his new style of Indian fighting through the art of infiltration, through camouflage.
20:50Are you loco?
20:51This is not a training maneuver.
20:53I think those Indians may mean business.
20:55Hold on.
20:56I think going out there is a smashing idea.
20:59But isn't your colonel arriving this afternoon with the inspector general?
21:02I assure you, we'll be back in plenty of time.
21:06Keep the pot hot, my dear.
21:10I'll get my tree and be right with you.
21:12I still think you ought to take a few more men with you on the scouting, Sergeant.
21:22No, no, we can handle this, Captain.
21:23Don't forget, sir, we've got the Phantom Major with us.
21:25Yeah, it's the living legend.
21:26Well, I'd still feel a lot better if you'd at least take another tree stump.
21:29Now, don't worry about a thing, Captain.
21:31We can handle this very nicely.
21:32All right, let's have it.
21:33Fall in, Agarn.
21:34Here we go.
21:35Here we go.
21:42Lead me to the outskirts of the camp so I can see what the beggars are planning.
21:52Go up ahead and reconnoiter.
21:54Do what, sir?
21:56Observe the terrain.
21:59Go and see if there's anybody there.
22:01Why didn't you say so in the first place?
22:12Running deer, crazy cat, follow me.
22:15We get that tree.
22:22Stidion?
22:23Have a care there.
22:27You beastly bounders.
22:30Care for another spot, Colonel?
22:31No, no, no thanks.
22:35Wilton, don't you think you ought to send a scouting party to see what happened to the Major?
22:39You're right.
22:40I'll lead the party myself.
22:41Now, of course, for worrying, old boy, good man, Bentley Royce.
22:44Now, that's right, Barmoney.
22:46This man is a living legend.
22:48That's what he keeps telling us.
22:50Every day.
22:52Open the seat!
23:05Oh, Sergeant O'Rourke and Corporate Agarn reporting, sir.
23:09Where's Major Bentley Royce?
23:10Terrible thing happened, sir.
23:12He was captured.
23:13By the Indians?
23:14No, sir.
23:14By another tree.
23:15I can't believe it.
23:17Not the Phantom Major.
23:19Look!
23:19Wilton, it's an open Hikaui's.
23:39Hikaui's?
23:39What does it say?
23:40What does it say?
23:41Old Hikaui saying, you never can fool Indian with sap in tree.
23:46A shattering experience.
23:48Fell by another tree.
23:50Well, Colonel, that means we'll have to give up the idea of infiltration through camouflage.
23:55Why don't you have a cup of tea, Major?
23:57It'll soothe your nerves.
23:58What time is it?
24:00About four.
24:01A bit early.
24:01I think I'm sure on.
24:02Oh, yes, Major.
24:03Good idea.
24:05Look!
24:05Another smoke signal.
24:11Oh, don't tell me the beggars are going on the warpath again.
24:15What does it say, Sergeant O'Rourke?
24:17Uh, please disregard previous message.
24:27Well, it's sure good to have O'Rourke Enterprises back in business.
24:31Yeah, that's fine, but we got to get over to the saloon right away.
24:33I saw a drunk in there last night.
24:35Well, he really must have been eating a lot of that mince pie.
24:39Now, what were you saying, Wilton?
24:42Really, Jane, they almost caught us.
24:44Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
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