- 4 months ago
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00:00The end of the Civil War was near
00:05Went quite accidentally
00:07A hero who sneezed
00:09Abruptly ceased retreat
00:11And reversed it to victory
00:14His medal of honor
00:17Pleased and thrilled
00:18His proud little family group
00:21While pinning it on
00:23Some blood was spilled
00:24And so it was planned
00:25He'd command
00:26Neft Troop
00:27Where Indian fights
00:29Are colorful sights
00:31And nobody takes a licking
00:33Where pale face and red skin
00:36Both turn chicken
00:38When drilling and fighting
00:40Get them down
00:41They know their morale can't droop
00:43As long as they all relax in town
00:47Before they resume
00:48With a bang and a boom
00:49F Troop
00:59With a boil
01:01I'll be just another
01:01A DM
01:01I need a haul
01:02I can't wait
01:02I need you to know
01:03But in some organizations
01:04I'm heartbroken
01:04I don't know
01:04I need you to know
01:05We'll be just another
01:05Maybe a honey
01:06With a beat
01:06That love
01:07How late Mr. Hunter
01:08Even if you hear
01:08It's a terrible
01:09Good night
01:09If you're a man
01:10And if you're a man
01:10I need you to be
01:10You you don't matter
01:11In your body
01:11THE END
01:41F Troop ready for pay call, sir
01:44Good work, thank you, Sergeant
01:45Now
01:46Uh, Agarn, Randolph, MMI
02:04Yes, sir
02:05There you are, Corporal
02:09$15
02:10Thank you, sir
02:12O'Rourke, Morgan Sylvester
02:15Here, sir
02:16There you are, Sergeant
02:19$17
02:21Thank you, sir
02:22Something wrong, Sergeant?
02:25Well, sir, you overpaid me
02:26You've given me a 10 instead of a 1
02:28Well, of all the years I've been in the Army
02:31I've never heard of a soldier complaining about being overpaid
02:34Ah, well, sir, I'm just a poor horse soldier, but I only want what's coming to me
02:38O'Rourke, you're all capital
02:40Thank you, sir
02:43Uh, Herbert, Hubert, Herbert
02:48All right, pay call for O'Rourke Enterprises
02:55Employees, fall in
02:57Employees ready for pay call
02:59Sarge, you've got more money there than the U.S. Army
03:04That's because I'm smarter than the U.S. Army
03:06It sure seems like business is terrific
03:08Yeah, we had the biggest month ever
03:10Business in the saloon alone was up 33%
03:13Are the men drinking that much more whiskey?
03:16No, they're drinking that much more water
03:17The only way a guy can get drunk in your saloon is if he orders a double mince pie
03:22Dobbs, Hannibal, Shirley
03:25Here, sir
03:28Welton, here's a letter for you
03:38Jane, please, I happen to be paying the troops
03:42Now, where was I, Dobbs?
03:44Seven, sir, but just keep right on counting
03:46But it's from Washington
03:49The War Department
03:50Office of the Chief of Staff
03:52Stamped official, urgent, and top secret
03:54Hmm, sounds like it might be important
03:56I guess you could say that
03:57I wonder what they're up to in Washington
04:00I've informed the commander of Fort Courage
04:08That your man will be there to start the experiment
04:10I can't tell you how grateful we are to the British Army
04:13We're both fighting Injins, you know
04:16Hands across the sea and that sort of thing, old boy
04:19And, Colonel Willoughby, our information has it that Cochise and Geronimo combined forces
04:23Now, this, sir, could pose quite a problem for our armies
04:28They shan't have any trouble when our Major Bentley Roy shows them the tactics he uses with Bengal Lancers
04:34He's outwitted the beggars from Bombay to the Khyber Pass
04:38Sounds like he's quite a soldier
04:40He's a living legend
04:41If he had been with Cleave, there never would have been a black hole of Calcutta
04:47What, um, tactics does he use?
04:50Mainly it's infiltration
04:52He is a master at the use of disguises in getting his troops behind the enemy lines
04:57That's why he's known in Inja as the Phantom Major
05:01Phantom Major
05:02Now you see him, now you don't
05:04Yeah, sounds real interesting
05:06Great
05:07Colonel, tell me, uh, just, uh, what does this fellow look like?
05:12I've never seen him
05:14You've never seen him?
05:15No, that is you to meet me here momentarily
05:18Major Bentley Royce, reporting for duty, sir
05:37At ease, men
05:54Men, as you know, we've been chosen to be the test troop for a new experiment by the army in Indian fighting
06:02Now, sending someone to teach us how to fight Indians is like sending someone to teach Betsy Ross how to make a flag
06:10You know, we should relax as a troop when you're giving a little joke
06:17Well, that certainly is a little joke, sir
06:20Thank you
06:21When Major Bentley Royce arrives, I want each of you to show him real F Troop hospitality
06:28Uh, Vanderbilt, any sign of Major Bentley Royce?
06:32No, thanks, Captain
06:33I just ate
06:34Vanderbilt, can you see the Major?
06:38No sign yet, Sergeant
06:40He should have been here two hours ago
06:42Yeah, well, with the Captain's permission, I'd like to take out a search party
06:45Something may have happened to him, sir
06:47Be a shame if the Indians got him before he showed us how to get the Indians
06:51Yeah
06:51I'll go with you, Sergeant, I'll get my rifle
06:53Ah, good, right, sir
06:54Vanderbilt, keep your eyes and ears open
06:59What's that, Sarge?
07:02Ah, forget it
07:03Major Bentley Royce reporting for duty, sir
07:24Major, what are you doing in the closet?
07:26Wanted to give you a practical demonstration of the infiltration tactics that have made me a living legend
07:32Oh, well, come in, come in
07:35I was about to lead a search party for you, but I must admit the last place I'd ever think to look is in the closet
07:41Why do you think they call me the Phantom Major?
07:46My orders, Captain
07:47I want you to sit down, Major
07:49Thank you
07:50Well, everything seems to be in order, Major
07:58Well, Captain, the search party is ready
08:00Oh, that won't be necessary now, Sergeant
08:02As you can see, the Major has already arrived
08:05Well, where is he, sir?
08:11Which
08:11He must be in the closet
08:14The Major?
08:16In the closet, sir?
08:18That's where I found him
08:19He wanted to demonstrate that he could slip into the fort without our noticing it
08:23I got you this thing
08:27I don't understand it
08:32Where can he be?
08:37Uh, why doesn't the Captain lie down for a while, sir?
08:42On the medical officer's cot
08:44Well, of course you're all right, Captain
08:46I bet I...
08:46Sergeant, I tell you, he was in the closet
08:48Of course
08:49Well, we'll just have one more look, shall we?
08:55There
08:55You see?
08:57There's
08:57Stand easy, chaps
09:02Yeah, you see, I told you he was in the closet
09:04I think I'd better lie down in the medical officer's cot
09:07Major Bentley Royce
09:09This is Sergeant O'Rourke and Corporal Agard
09:11Carry on, chaps
09:13The two best Indian fighters in the West
09:15Now that the Phantom Major has arrived
09:17They are the two second best Indian fighters in the West
09:20Well, now, I don't know
09:21We haven't done too bad so far, sir
09:23With all due modesty, I think you'll do much better
09:25When I teach you my bag of tricks
09:26It might not work out here
09:30There are no closets and teepees
09:31I was indulging in a bit of whimsy
09:33Oh
09:34When I'm through training F Troop
09:36The fort will become obsolete
09:38Obsolete?
09:39Absolutely
09:39With the Bentley Royce tactics
09:41F Troop will become a roving band of highly trained fighters
09:44With the ability to harass the enemy by roaming behind his lines
09:47Oh, but wouldn't we still need the fort?
09:49I shall also teach your men to, uh
09:51Live off the land
09:53Live off the land?
09:54We're having enough trouble surviving the mess hall, sir
09:57Oh, you'll be amazed how little food the human body requires
10:00I was once trapped in the Khyber Pass
10:02With a squadron of the 10th Gurkha Rifles
10:04We managed to live for a whole week on nothing but curried cartridge belts
10:07Madras style, of course
10:08I must say, sir, that our cartridge belts are not that tasty
10:12Yeah, I tried to eat one the other day for dessert and it was awful
10:15Oh, Wilton, I'm sorry I didn't know you were busy
10:20Oh, excuse me
10:21No man is ever too busy to talk to a beautiful lady
10:25Well, I really don't know what to say
10:28Don't say anything, just stand there looking beautiful
10:32Uh, regular Jane, this is Major Phantom
10:36No, no, no, the Phantom Major
10:39Oh, yes, yes, Major Bentley Royce of the Bengal Lancers
10:42A living legend
10:43Well, I'm very happy to meet you, Major
10:46Pleasure is mine, I assure you
10:48And now, if you'll excuse me, I must retire to my quarters
10:51It's been a long journey
10:53Mr. Ben
10:55Pardon me
11:01I'll show you to your quarters
11:04May I have the pleasure of your company at, uh, Tea, Mimsa
11:07Chucks, I guess so
11:10You will give this to my orderly, Captain
11:14Till later then
11:19Shall we?
11:23Chair help
11:24Ain't he dashing?
11:31Oh, I don't know
11:32What's so dashing about him?
11:41Wilton, are you all right?
11:42I'm all right, I'm all right
11:43Well, it looks like the end of O'Rourke Enterprises
11:53And this ain't gonna help our partners, the Hakawis, either
11:55Yeah, well, don't worry, Agarn
11:57Well, it's pretty tough to look after business
12:00When we're running around the country
12:01Eating cartridge belts
12:03Well, he's still got an ace in the hole
12:04What's that?
12:06He hasn't seen his pupils yet
12:08Wait till he gets a load of F-Troop
12:10Then the Phantom Major may disappear altogether
12:13I looked up and here was this lion quivering with irritation
12:21Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know she was there
12:25Are you all right, Jane?
12:26Uh, yeah, I think so
12:28A cup of tea will soothe your nerves
12:29Oh, thank you, I could use it
12:30Not you, her
12:32Captain, sir
12:34The Troop is waiting
12:35Oh, yes, yes, Sergeant
12:36Get it off
12:38Get your head
12:38You're an absolute good man
12:41I'll hold the chair for her
12:43Uh, won't you sit down, my dear?
12:46Captain, they're waiting
12:48Right
12:48Look what you've done
12:50Oh, Lord, Sergeant
12:52Dear, you have to love me
12:53I think you'd better leave before you kill her
12:59I'll be right back, Jane
13:02Don't hurry, Wilton
13:04Shoop, hitch, hut
13:10Shall I be mother?
13:14Right face
13:15Those facing left, right face
13:21Those facing right, left face
13:23Uh, face me
13:30Good work, men
13:35Captain, don't you think we ought to give our honored guest a cannon salute?
13:38Oh, good idea, Sergeant
13:39Gunners, man your cannon
13:41Captain, we'll take care of it
13:44Major Bentley Rice, F Troop salute you
13:49There you go
13:51Carry on, chaps
13:52Present
13:54Arm
13:55Fire
14:00Take on
14:06Oh, good shot
14:19Jane, I'm so major
14:24Captain, is the commenter
14:26I'm leaving
14:28I'll help you pack
14:30No, no, no
14:31I'm just going to replace my tea service
14:33You mean that you want to stay here and train us after what you just saw?
14:37With the Bentley Rice method of Indian welfare
14:39I told you I would make the fort obsolete
14:41I will now demonstrate how to make the cannon obsolete
14:44Men of F Troop
14:57Today is your first field maneuver in the new style of Indian fighting
15:01Phase one, the art of infiltration through camouflage
15:04Tomorrow, we are going to be reviewed by my commanding officer, Colonel Willivier
15:09And your Inspector General, Colonel Sanders
15:11I want to show them what a cracked troop you have become
15:15Oh, Major
15:16Yes, horse?
15:18What do we do if somebody tries to saddle us?
15:20Give him a sharp kick with your hoof
15:22For your permission, Captain
15:30I shall take the troop out for a maneuver
15:32Permission granted
15:33Bugler, blow assembly
15:40Troop, left, tongue
15:51That means left, face
15:55By the front
15:59Double, march
16:02With the captain's permission, sir
16:13I'd like to say that Major Bentley Rice is cracking up
16:15I think they get that way from riding camels
16:17Shakes the brains loose
16:19Man, it's embarrassing, sir
16:21Can't you just see it?
16:22Someday a kid will turn to his father and say
16:24Daddy, what did you do in the Indian War?
16:26And the father will say
16:27I was a tree stump in F Troop
16:29Well, man, I'm not too happy about things myself
16:32But we have to follow orders
16:34Now, if you'll excuse me
16:35I have to get into my tumbleweed outfit
16:59Greetings, great white partners
17:05Greetings, Chief
17:08Long time no see
17:10Yeah, well, listen
17:11We've got a little trouble down at the fort
17:12If you have trouble
17:14Must remember wise old Indian saying
17:17Bullfrog who sits on lily pad
17:20Never do much croaking
17:22What's so wise about that?
17:25You know wiser saying?
17:27Well, now listen
17:29We've got some bad news, see
17:31They sent out this guy
17:32This fellow of a sergeant
17:33Hold it
17:34What's the matter?
17:34The tree
17:35May be listening
17:36Now, like I was saying, Chief
17:51We're in trouble, see
17:52If you two think tree listens
17:54Listen, so you're in big trouble
17:55You don't understand
17:57A couple of days ago, you see
17:59They sent this fellow out from what?
18:15All right, Vanderbilt
18:16I know you're in there
18:17Come on out
18:18Do you hear me, Vanderbilt?
18:21That's an order
18:22The horse is for real
18:31I think
18:32Why not you two go to medicine man's teepee
18:35Lie down on cot?
18:38Let's not take any chances
18:40Come on, step over here
18:41Tell us, Chief
18:44Hold it, Sarge
18:45What's the matter?
18:46They might be in there
18:46There
18:47I go lay down in medicine man's teepee
18:51Chief
18:53All right
18:54Come on out
18:56I think you and friend
19:02Better give up fire water
19:04You don't understand
19:05Now look
19:05They sent this man out
19:06To teach us new ways
19:07To fight Indians
19:08Nothing personal
19:09No, no
19:09But we've got to get rid of him
19:10A cow is very happy to help
19:13Our tribe
19:14Very brave warriors
19:16Except for one thing
19:17What's that?
19:18We faint a lot
19:19A fire that I think may work
19:21Safer in teepee, Sarge
19:23You're right
19:24Come on
19:24Is that you, Duffy?
19:31My name, Wild Turkey
19:32See you at Thanksgiving
19:34Agar
19:38Any sign of Wild Eagle signal yet?
19:40No, not yet
19:41He'd better hurry
19:42The Inspector General
19:43And that British Colonel
19:44Are going to be here this afternoon
19:45The Chief won't let us down
19:47You think not?
19:48He needs us as much as we need him
19:49Well, I hope you're right
19:50There it is
19:51Yeah, yeah, we're in
19:52Come on
19:56And, sir, I was strolling
19:58Through this Bengali's jungle
20:00I suddenly came face to face
20:02With this enraged bull elephant
20:03Looking him firmly in the eye
20:05I gave the beast
20:06A sharp rap on the trunk
20:08And he was mine
20:09Oh, how exciting
20:11Wasn't it, Wilton?
20:12Wilton?
20:14Oh, yeah, yes
20:14I love tiger stories
20:16Captain, sir
20:19I think the Hakawis are on the warpath
20:20What?
20:21What makes you think so?
20:22Smoke signals, sir
20:23Hi, Joe
20:28I wonder what the beggars are saying
20:29Sergeant O'Rourke is the only one
20:31Who reads smoke
20:32Yes, well, they're calling in all the braves
20:34I'm afraid this may mean trouble, sir
20:36Maybe we'd better do a little scouting, Sarge
20:38Oh, you're right
20:39With the captain's permission
20:40Right
20:40Oh, wait a minute, Sarge
20:42With the captain's permission
20:43Maybe Major Bentley Royce
20:45Would like to test out
20:46His new style of Indian fighting
20:47Through the art of infiltration
20:49Through camouflage
20:50Are you loco?
20:51This is not a training maneuver
20:53I think those Indians may mean business
20:55Hold on
20:56I think going out there
20:57Is a smashing idea
20:59Uh, but isn't your colonel
21:00Arriving this afternoon
21:01With the Inspector General?
21:02I assure you
21:03We'll be back in plenty of time
21:04Keep the pot hot, my dear
21:08I'll get my tree
21:11And be right with you
21:12I still think you ought to
21:20Take a few more men with you
21:21On the scouting, Sarge
21:21No, no, we can handle this, Captain
21:23Don't forget, sir
21:24We've got the Phantom Major with us
21:25Yeah, it's the living legend
21:26Well, I'd still feel a lot better
21:28If you'd at least take another tree stump
21:29Now, don't worry about a thing, Captain
21:31We can handle this very nicely
21:32All right, let's have it
21:33Fall in, Agarn
21:34Here we go
21:35Lead me to the outskirts of the camp
21:44So I can see what the beggars are planning
21:46Go up ahead and reconnoiter
21:54Do what, sir?
21:56Observe the terrain
21:57Go and see if there's anybody there
22:00Why didn't you say so in the first place?
22:05Running deer, crazy cat
22:14Follow me, we get that tree
22:16Steady on
22:22Have a care there
22:25You beastly bounders
22:29Careful, another spot, Colonel
22:31No, no, no, thanks
22:32Wilton, don't you think
22:36You ought to send a scouting party
22:37To see what happened to the Major
22:38You're right
22:39I'll lead the party myself
22:41Now, cause for worrying, old boy
22:43Good man, Bentley Royce
22:44Now, that's right, Barmoney
22:46This man is a living legend
22:47That's what he keeps telling us
22:49Every day
22:51Open the seat
22:53Oh, Sergeant O'Rourke
23:07And Corporal A-Guard reporting, sir
23:08Where's Major Bentley Royce?
23:11Terrible thing happened, sir
23:12He was captured
23:12By the Indians?
23:14No, sir
23:14By another tree
23:15Believe it
23:17Not the Phantom Major
23:18Look
23:19Wilton
23:37It's an open Hikawis
23:39Hikawis?
23:39What does it say?
23:41Old Hikawis saying
23:42You never can fool Indian
23:44With sap in tree
23:46Shattering experience
23:48Fell by another tree
23:50Well, Colonel
23:51That means we'll have to give up
23:52The idea of infiltration
23:54Through camouflage
23:55Why don't you have
23:56A cup of tea, Major?
23:57It'll soothe your nerves
23:58What time is it?
24:00About four
24:01A bit early
24:01I think I'm sure
24:02Oh, yes, Major
24:03Good idea
24:04Look
24:05Another smoke signal
24:07Oh, don't tell me
24:12The beggars are going
24:13On the warpath again
24:14What does it say, Sergeant O'Rourke?
24:16Uh, please disregard
24:19Previous message
24:20Well, it's sure good
24:28To have O'Rourke Enterprises
24:30Back in business
24:30Yeah, that's fine
24:32But we gotta get over
24:32To the saloon right away
24:33I saw a drunk
24:34In there last night
24:35Well, he really must have
24:36Been eating a lot
24:37Of that mince pie
24:37Now, what were you saying, Wilton?
24:42Really, Jane
24:43They almost caught us
24:44Yeah, it's fine
24:46Yeah
24:47Yeah
24:48Yeah
24:52Yeah
24:54Yeah
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