- 6 days ago
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00It is not our fault.
00:01See, you're not listening, Kitty. We already said we didn't miss that anyway.
00:05This is your fault, please. Ronald Reagan knew about Oliver North.
00:14Thank you. This is no one's fault. Greg just needed some time to himself.
00:18Think about it. He spent his whole life pushing for other people's approval.
00:21Ah, so it is their fault.
00:23Because we tried to instill some values in our son?
00:27The corrupt values of a morally degenerate society.
00:30That's what I would say. Oliver North is an American hero.
00:36Okay, super. I think we've heard from everyone, and I think that without assigning blame,
00:40we can understand why Greg needed some quiet time.
00:44You're saying it's everybody's fault.
00:47Fine.
00:48Including Edward and Kitty.
00:51Abby.
00:52Larry.
00:53Look, we all have our way of taking a vacation, right?
00:56Abby, you meditate. Kitty and Edward, you go on your cruises. Larry, you also go away.
01:03That's all Greg's doing. He's just gone someplace to recharge.
01:08Well, that makes perfect sense.
01:10Yes. I mean, I couldn't get through the year without my week at La Costa at the spa.
01:15Then I'm sure that's exactly what Greg's doing.
01:18Except without all the massages, because he's not comfortable having strangers touch him.
01:23Gee, I wonder whose fault that is.
01:28Here you go. Perhaps this will be more to your liking.
01:36This is perfect.
01:38You know, you're only on the second floor. The fall won't kill you.
01:41No, I'm not here to kill myself. I told you, I'm on a voyage of self-discovery.
01:46I see. Shall I call down to the pro shop and get you a tea time?
01:51Oh, these. I thought maybe I'd swing by Pebble Beach, but then I realized that's the old Greg, you know,
01:57filling my time with golf and work so I don't deal with my real issues.
02:01Fear of failure, constant need of validation.
02:04Good for you.
02:07Anyway, I just didn't want to leave the clubs in the car.
02:09You're staying here when you got a car you could sleep in?
02:12You know, I considered that, but this seemed more gritty, more like the kind of place where desperate souls have
02:19struggled to find meaning in their lives.
02:21Uh-huh. That shower rod won't hold your weight.
02:25I'm not here to kill myself.
02:27I want to believe you.
02:29Is there a phone?
02:30Down the hall. But most people just pin a note to their shirt.
02:35Down the hall.
02:52Oh.
02:54Oh.
02:56Oh.
02:58Oh.
03:16excuse me are you gonna be long you're gonna tell me about commitment let me tell you about
03:23commitment i'm the guy who cut off hootie and the blowfish just so we could become the woman
03:28you wanted him to be is there another phone around i'm almost done and who insisted i get the fancy
03:38deluxe boobies not me i wanted to go to the hawaiian islands they're beautiful the islands
03:49i want you to call me the moment you hear from him you'll be my first call dama i want
03:54to know
03:54where gregory is and that'll be the subject of my call good night you handled that very well thank
04:03you i think i finally figured out the trick to these family meetings larry you can come out now
04:10you know i don't want to make a big thing out of this but i don't think it's right for
04:14you to send
04:15me out of the room for no reason it's a time out it's called a time out larry's right abby
04:24we
04:24shouldn't have done that okay well i forgive you it's kind of embarrassing to be sent out of the
04:30room like that i understand larry would you take these to the kitchen and clean them sure thanks
04:41how you doing i'm fine oh dharma you came out of my body i can feel you're suffering
04:51i'm not suffering abby i'm fine whoops sorry
04:58come on it's me you're talking to honey your soulmate disappeared you don't know where he is
05:05you have to acknowledge how you feel about that no abby really i'm okay i got it
05:14maybe i should go help larry no no no larry has his work and you have yours
05:20this is a scary time dharma no it's not abby really greg's a grown man he'll be fine he can
05:26take care of himself and when he's ready he'll come back sorry sorry got it sorry
05:40what are you afraid of that i'm going to have to eat off banana leaves
05:45if you name your darkest fear it no longer controls you tell me what's the worst that
05:51can happen to greg while he's gone he'll be lonely oh dharma i don't know yeah then he'll
06:01reconsider his life and decide that he doesn't want me in it and i'll never see him again
06:08see now don't you feel better no
06:15hey is dharma okay oh she will be it's a good thing we were here
06:30don't look at me okay you know what you can take that song to motown because we heard it before
06:38oh yeah well a lot of men would be very happy to have me because i'm special
06:45you made your point really well you think yes you're a very special person and any one would be
06:52happy to have you you're so nice don't look at me my mascara is running you you you look fine
07:00you
07:00think so i don't have raccoon eyes it's perfect you look beautiful do you know the last time anthony
07:08told me i look beautiful it's probably been too long it was the day we tried out for the yankees
07:18hi dharma honey why are you crying i don't know part of it is because i'm happy
07:26i i don't know who she is trina trina um honey i just i i wanted to call so that
07:32you wouldn't worry
07:32about me you called just because you didn't want her to worry oh honey whatever he did you take him
07:38back i didn't do anything oh then why is she crying mr innocent give me the phone
07:47i'm so glad you called where are you oh wait wait wait hang on
07:55okay got it ah no i promise i won't tell your parents where you are
08:02craig i can handle your mother what's she gonna do torture me
08:08really
08:12okay i love you too honey and i'm very very proud of you
08:15okay i'll talk to you then bye he's fine see we're getting all worked up over nothing
08:33i know time out
08:47who is it it's me trina remember you said i was beautiful
08:53it's kind of late please you have to let me in it's a matter of my life or my death
09:02um there's a a phone right behind you maybe you should call the police open the door
09:14okay my boyfriend's gone crazy so here's the plan i'm gonna get into bed with you for like five
09:19minutes he comes in he sees us we're together we're happy he says okay he leaves
09:25that's a terrible plan but what's your plan i don't have a plan and how can you criticize minds
09:38that's him i figured drop dead you rat bastard no name calling
09:47open the door i'm gonna break it down you're not mad enough to break it down
09:51no don't say that
09:55all right now back off you you're not gonna lay a hand on her
10:00who's he this is my lover we're together now and we're very happy
10:10take good care
10:15that's it that's how you fight for me that's how you kill for me
10:26hello hello kitty what a surprise well i told i know and i told you not to come and here
10:33you are
10:35dama this is very difficult for me but i need your help i can't tell you where
10:42greg is i promised him all right i don't need to know oh okay i know what you're doing
10:51you tell me you don't need to know and then i don't tell you and then you
10:56what are you doing
10:57i'll share a little family secret with you is this about why you're not allowed at neiman marcus
11:02i didn't know no because i heard you roughed up one of those perfume squirt girls
11:07no this is about edward oh when edward was a very little boy the only time that he spent with
11:15his father was a fishing trip that they took once a year and when his father died edward took those
11:20fishing poles he put them away and he said i am never going fishing again that's so sad but
11:28when gregory was four years old he found those fishing poles and he took them and he said to his
11:35father daddy i want to go fishing and they went no no not that year because edward was being audited
11:46the next year and every year thereafter my little boy took his daddy fishing
11:53until now because greg's gone exactly and you won't tell us where he is so
12:02i feel terrible edward has put the fishing poles away they put them away
12:12so i i i think you know what you have to do yes i have to take edward fishing
12:32so i figured uh what better way to uh go on a excuse me voids or self-discovery than to
12:37get a real
12:38working man's job you know a kind of canary row steinbeck thing
12:41at first i was going for a hevingway old man in the sea uh fishing boat experience but i get
12:53a
12:53little uh queasy on hope and water i'm i'm good in a pool anyway um uh here's my uh resume
13:01resume
13:04uh obviously some special skills job history and education's on the other side i know what
13:09you're thinking you're thinking i'm overqualified well not unless they taught you how to clean squid at
13:16harvard well no not per se but i did have an economics professor who made you feel like
13:20you were cleaning squid if you know what i mean not important but as important as that i'm here i'm
13:28able-bodied and i'm willing to start at the bottom that's good because as you can see here all our
13:34executive positions are taken are you sure this is gonna work it works for bears
13:48i don't believe it neither do i next lifetime you save me oh so long lunch
13:59oh god this is nice huh you bet bregg can't be here yeah
14:11to tell you the truth i'm kind of proud of him taking some time to figure out what he's doing
14:16with his life man has really got to have a certain kind of wife to do that
14:26thank you
14:28frizzy yesy hey you know what everyone i gotta tell you something in all the time that i have known
14:34you
14:36i had no idea you were so much fun hey i put the f you in fun little lady
14:45how come you're not like this at home no you're not supposed to be like this at home that's what
14:49fishing trips are for eddie eddie eddie you shouldn't confine your bliss to one weekend a year
14:57i don't know it's not just one weekend when kitty takes her spa week at la costa i run around
15:03the house
15:03buck naked what about the bay she tends to take that week off
15:11swim to shoot
15:19okay harvard when you're done here i want you up in processing
15:22uh is that like a promotion it's a whole new tax bracket
15:31is he kidding or or is it really a promotion
15:36not important it's about the work
15:42he did say huh
15:53who is it it's me trina the brunette from next door i borrowed your dust buster
16:01oh that trina
16:05thank you very much i empty the thingy uh thanks most people don't most people are animals
16:13you used to be a lawyer right yeah but uh that was the old greg the false greg now i'm
16:18just being the
16:18best darn squid skinner i can be i i got promoted today i think good for you can i tell
16:24you something
16:25i i um uh i requested a non-smoking room oh sorry
16:32i grew up in puerto rico but i wasn't happy there so then i moved to new york same thing
16:38then i came
16:39out here i meet anthony you saw him he's a dreamboat
16:45but i'm still not happy so i go to the doctor snip snip snip there i am i'm beautiful
16:53i got a tight little tummy but that's not from the operation that's from the tie bone
16:58and your point is i'm still not happy okay i see what you're saying
17:07i've changed locations i've changed jobs but i'm still the same guy a journey of self-discovery is not
17:15external it's it's internal whatever
17:21my question is i cut off my peepee for anthony and now he doesn't want me so can i sue
17:26him
17:26because he got a ton of money from a fake car accident
17:30i don't know what do you have any evidence come on poppy you don't save them in a jar like
17:37donsels
17:43hey boys
17:47oh my god greg greg
17:55honey honey
18:00great hey oh god i miss you so much
18:05i miss you too
18:12are you back for good oh yeah
18:15dharma this was such an amazing trip i learned so much really like what well i didn't have to go
18:23somewhere to start a voyage of self-discovery i could start right here
18:26or no you could start right here
18:32what if i start here oh then i would start right here
18:41wait a minute i don't understand why did you go fishing with my father
18:45because he was sad that you weren't here for your annual fishing trip what annual fishing trip
18:51every year you your dad fishing
18:54dharma we've lived together for two years you ever seen me go fishing with my father
19:02who are you calling i got up in the middle of the night drove five hours just to drink beer
19:06and throw
19:07up all over your dad's mercedes kitty hi it's darma you know i was thinking and you're right you're his
19:15mother and you deserve to know where he is do you have a pen
19:22gregory open the door dear
19:27who are you it's none of your business it so happens that greg is a very good friend of mine
19:34so i'm making him my business i am his mother oh i heard about you let me ask you a
19:41question mommy
19:43can a woman wear white to a wedding if she wasn't a virgin when she still had a penis
19:53where did he open the door dear ball and chain has gone away doodah doodah drink martinis naked day
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