- 1 day ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Rollin' rollin' rollin'
00:02Though the hip is swollen
00:03Keep that dharma rollin'
00:07Yeah!
00:11Hey, let's put our stuff down and go dancing.
00:14I've been working on my moonwalk.
00:19That's very impressive, but you know, it's your first night home,
00:22so I rented us some movies, I made your mom's veggie lasagna,
00:25and I stopped at your herbal store, and I got you some healing incense.
00:28You got me healing incense.
00:31Well, I had a little trouble understanding the woman,
00:33so it might be incense that improves your hearing.
00:35I'm so proud of mine, honey.
00:37He went to the scary hippie store because he loves me.
00:40The lady who stands too close to you waited on me.
00:43Surprise!
00:45You made me a surprise party.
00:48No, no, I didn't.
00:50Darma, your tribe welcomes you home.
00:53And so do Edward and I.
00:57Oh, you look just.
00:59You look.
01:01Oh, dear.
01:04That's the spirit of Marcy.
01:05Cheer up.
01:07Well, come on.
01:07Let's crank up the tunage, call the police on ourselves,
01:09and get this shindig shindig.
01:13Okay, everybody, this was a really nice idea,
01:15but what Darma needs is a relaxing night of settling in.
01:18No way.
01:18We have a 20-pound vodka watermelon.
01:21That could be very relaxing.
01:23Watermelon we'll keep.
01:24Oh, yeah.
01:25Until Rosh Hashanah.
01:26People, this is a woman who's just had major surgery.
01:29What she needs is to rest.
01:30You know, she does look a little tired.
01:32Well, that's what I said.
01:33This is just too much for her.
01:34Too soon.
01:35And she looked pale.
01:36Well, I think that's just the unfortunate color she's wearing.
01:40If you ask me, she looks overheated.
01:42Well, you know, actually, she's feeling great.
01:44She's probably thirsty.
01:45Where is that vodka melon?
01:48Uh, maybe, maybe she'd like some juice.
01:50People, what she needs is to rest.
01:52No, no.
01:52She needs something in her stomach first.
01:53Okay.
01:54You won't want this lasagna.
01:57Hey, here's a crazy idea.
01:58Why don't we ask her what she wants?
02:01She sounds upset.
02:02Greg's right.
02:03She's tired.
02:04All right.
02:04All right.
02:05Let's get her into bed.
02:06Yeah, yeah.
02:06Hold on.
02:07Thank you very much, Larry.
02:08Kitty, have you put on a little weight?
02:10What?
02:11Yeah, see, you hear that.
02:31Well, Marcy's all excited.
02:34I got Lalit Shaduri to take over my yoga class.
02:37Well, that's great.
02:38Look at this.
02:39The insurance company overpaid by $6,000.
02:42Lalit the pretzel Shaduri.
02:45From India.
02:47He can comb his hair with his feet.
02:49See, they sent the doctor a check, and they sent us a check.
02:53How does this happen?
02:54Here's one for you, Greg.
02:55What's the point of everything?
02:59Okay, why don't we start with your question?
03:01It's just you think you serve some purpose in this world,
03:03and then it turns out you were just keeping the seat warm
03:05until Lalit Shaduri walked in, probably on his hand.
03:08Well, listen.
03:09I know that this is all very frustrating, but it's temporary.
03:12You're gonna be walking again in a couple of weeks.
03:15Why don't I light your seaside serenity candle?
03:18Because it stinks, Greg.
03:19The lady who stands too close saw you coming.
03:26San Francisco Hospital Supply.
03:27Oh, great.
03:28Got your bath rails and your shower stool.
03:32Oh, can you also take a look at her wheelchair?
03:34The right side brake won't lock.
03:35Yeah.
03:38Hi.
03:39Hello?
03:40Oh, yes.
03:41Thank you for getting back to me.
03:42I was just going over the bills, and it looks like you guys made a little mistake.
03:46Okay, any other problems?
03:46I no longer serve a purpose in this world.
03:49Uh-huh.
03:51The armrest is loose.
03:52Oh.
04:01You guys got any super glue?
04:04Or the armrest, right?
04:10Yeah.
04:12Because, um, X, Y, T.
04:14Excuse me?
04:15You know, examine your zipper, but T.
04:18Oh.
04:18Yeah.
04:19Oh.
04:20Great.
04:20This probably been happening all day.
04:22Oh.
04:25Phyllis said I'd be able to swim with this.
04:27Uh-huh.
04:28Maybe he meant alongside of it.
04:33You know what, Howard?
04:36You're a really good-looking man without the toupee.
04:40Oh, no.
04:41Yes, you are.
04:42And you know what?
04:43Boldness is caused by having extra testosterone.
04:46It's a sign of virility.
04:48Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:51I'll tell you what.
04:52Women like bald men.
04:57Uh, I don't think so.
04:58Really?
04:58Mm-hmm.
05:01Some of them.
05:02I mean, more of them like bald men than men who are pretending to be something they're
05:06not.
05:07I mean, do you like women with those big fake breast implants?
05:11Sure.
05:14Well, my point is, you're a very handsome, bald man.
05:21Yeah.
05:22Come on, say it.
05:23I'm a handsome, bald man.
05:25Good.
05:30What's going on?
05:31I'm a handsome, bald man.
05:35Good.
05:37Thanks so much, you know, for this.
05:40You're very welcome, Howard.
05:47Did you see what just happened here?
05:49Obviously not all of it.
05:51Honey, I just hoped that guy.
05:54I mean, if we hadn't been in that accident, I never would have met him and then he would
05:57have spent the rest of his life with a dead weasel on his head.
06:00Mm-hmm.
06:01I would have been going to the same places and seeing the same people for years, but
06:04now the universe is like shuffling the cosmic deck of cards.
06:07So we're, I was like the four of hearts hanging out between the six of spades and the eight
06:11of clubs.
06:12Now I'm like chilling with the jack of diamonds and that's going to have some kind of an effect
06:15on his life.
06:16See, that's the dharma I know.
06:19You're finding the positive aspect in this and I'm having a little trouble understanding
06:23you.
06:23So great.
06:24No.
06:25Listen, I'm going to call Jane to see if she can come sit with you while I go work
06:28on this insurance thing.
06:29I don't need a babysitter.
06:31Okay.
06:32Well, then I just, I'll help you back into bed.
06:34No, honey.
06:35We agreed.
06:36Remember?
06:37We're going to let me handle my recovery my way.
06:39I'm sorry.
06:40Okay.
06:41All right.
06:42Well, I have my pager on if you need me for anything.
06:44Okay.
06:45And you can send a text message to the cell phone.
06:47The instructions are on the computer.
06:49Excellent.
06:4980 character limit.
06:50Yeah.
06:50I'm going.
06:53Mr. Montgomery, I'm sorry you had to travel all the way down here.
06:56We really should have been able to handle this over the phone.
06:58Did you get the name of the person you spoke with?
07:00Oh, it's not important.
07:01Well, it is to us.
07:02Was it Mitzi or Steve?
07:05Was it Linda?
07:06It was Mitzi, wasn't it?
07:08Uh, clerical errors happen.
07:10I only want your company to pay what it's supposed to.
07:12Say no more, Mr. Montgomery.
07:14We know that insurance companies have a bad reputation, but we're working to change that.
07:18We're the insurance company that's not afraid to say, we're sorry.
07:23Uh-huh.
07:24Would you like some coffee, a cappuccino, espresso?
07:26No.
07:26They already asked me.
07:27I'm sorry.
07:29Yeah.
07:31How much are we talking about?
07:33About $6,000.
07:34Well, let's just cut you a check right now.
07:36No, no, no.
07:36I already have a check.
07:37Oh, I see.
07:37Well, this will just take a second.
07:39Yeah, Mrs. Lepkus, I have a Mr. Montgomery here, and he has a check for $6,052.
07:46Could you bring that down here in cash?
07:47No.
07:47And some lemon squares.
07:48I don't...
07:49Oh, no.
07:49Pass on the lemon squares.
07:51Okay.
07:52Mr. Cadwell, you're not listening to me.
07:54I am so sorry.
07:56Because we're the insurance company that listens.
08:01I'm gonna be as clear as I can be.
08:04The anesthesiologist sent us a bill for $6,000.
08:08You sent him a check, and then you sent us a check.
08:11Excuse me.
08:13I'm Mr. Walden, the area supervisor.
08:15Is there a problem?
08:16No, sir.
08:17Everything is fine.
08:18This is Mr. Montgomery, and I'm listening, and I'm sorry.
08:22I don't want to make a big thing out of this, Mr. Walden, but truth be told, Mr. Cadwell is
08:27not listening.
08:29Wow.
08:33I hear you.
08:34Mr. Cadwell, why don't you get Mr. Montgomery a cappuccino and some lemon squares?
08:38And while you're at it, take a minute to think about whether you really belong in our can-do circle.
08:48All right, Mr. Montgomery, what seems to be the problem?
08:52And let me begin by saying we're sorry.
08:58Look at all this exercise equipment.
09:00I bet this place is crazy after work.
09:04Hospital, Larry.
09:05Oh.
09:06I bet this place is crazy after work.
09:11Hi, Pete.
09:12Oh, hey.
09:13Sorry I'm late.
09:14Pete convinced me to spend my lunch hour playing tonsil hockey.
09:18It's fun in a hospital.
09:20You get to use other people's tonsils.
09:23I'll see you tonight, right?
09:27How you doing?
09:28Fifteen pounds, huh?
09:31Well, I'm glad you and Pete are hitting it off so well.
09:35Having only met because I was in a car accident and needed physical therapy, another cosmic card shuffling.
09:40I don't know why people have such trouble believing in these things when the evidence is so clear.
09:45Look, I am having fun with Pete, but I know the type.
09:48Just divorce, bad furniture, answers the phone yellow.
09:52A guy like that doesn't want to get serious.
09:54Oh, trust me.
09:56This is going to get serious.
10:03Hey, Martha.
10:04You know what?
10:04I'm running a little late.
10:05Do you mind waiting?
10:06Why not?
10:07I'm already waiting for a decent job in true love.
10:09This makes it a hat trick.
10:17Wow, what's her story?
10:18Oh, she's a mess.
10:20Okay.
10:21She shatters her femurs, so she comes here for therapy, right?
10:23And then she finds out her mom, who she hasn't spoken to in ten years, is upstairs dying.
10:28And the mother wants nothing to do with her.
10:30Well, that's horrible.
10:31Get to know her.
10:32You'll be on the mother's side.
10:36Well, maybe that broken leg is going to be one of the best things that ever happened to her.
10:41Nice try, lady.
10:43Next time, bring your A-game.
10:49And I'm standing at the altar with Earl, and I'm looking for my mother, and she never shows up.
10:55Well, to be fair, Martha, it was your third wedding in five years.
10:59She was at the first two.
11:01She got married on a boat on purpose.
11:04She knows I get nauseous.
11:07Is that true?
11:07Do you know your mother gets nauseous?
11:10Yes.
11:13Hi, baby, that's gonna be Greg.
11:14Can you just talk to him for a minute?
11:16Yeah, yeah.
11:17Hi, Greg. Hang on.
11:19Okay, this is good.
11:19We're being honest.
11:20Let's keep going.
11:21Okay.
11:22Okay?
11:23I hate your hair.
11:24What were you thinking?
11:27Use up all our honesty in one shot.
11:31I'm sorry.
11:32Sorry.
11:32Hi, where's Dama?
11:33She's right here.
11:34We're still at the hospital.
11:35Why? Is everything all right?
11:36Can I speak to her?
11:37Now's not a good time.
11:38She's working on reuniting a mother and daughter.
11:41What?
11:42Alright, let's think back.
11:43When was the last time you two were happy together?
11:46This is good.
11:46She's looking for points of commonality.
11:49Abby, she's been gone all morning.
11:50She needs to come home and rest.
11:51Oh, God.
11:52Just a minute, Greg.
11:53Larry, take it.
11:53No, no.
11:54Not Larry, no.
11:55No.
11:59Come on.
11:59There must be something.
12:01We used to go out for banana splits at Rigby's.
12:04Oh, yeah.
12:06That was next to the store where we used to get your extra wide shoes.
12:11Yes.
12:12Okay.
12:13That's it.
12:14We're going out for ice cream and new shoes.
12:16Yeah.
12:18Yeah.
12:18Oh.
12:19Okay.
12:20Hello.
12:21Are you up to this?
12:22I can't.
12:23Pick up the phone.
12:24Someone.
12:26Pick up the Dharma.
12:34It's just so frustrating.
12:35I told her that I would let her do things her way, but last night she stayed out until
12:39three o'clock in the morning.
12:40And why?
12:41They went out for ice cream.
12:43And then they had to take their waitress to a cave near San Jose so she could get over
12:47her fear of bats.
12:50I'm sorry.
12:54That's a hard habit for you to break, isn't it?
12:57Twelve years down the drain.
12:59Wow.
13:00You worked there twelve years?
13:01No, twelve years sober.
13:11Where were we?
13:13My wrongful termination.
13:16So, will you handle the case?
13:17Well, it's the least I can do.
13:19I feel terrible about what happened.
13:21I'll start by writing them a letter.
13:22That's usually enough to scare them.
13:24I want to let you in on a little secret.
13:26When they say, I'm listening, they're not.
13:32I sense that.
13:33Um, do you mind if I call my wife?
13:35Yeah, I don't have a wife.
13:40Dharma, are you there?
13:42Pick up.
13:45I hope this means you're napping.
13:47Okay, I'll call you later.
13:49Bye.
13:50So, if we send a threatening letter?
13:52You know what?
13:53She's not napping.
13:53She's probably out teaching gang members to square dance.
13:57I gotta go.
13:58I will call you tomorrow.
14:03No, no.
14:03Let me buy.
14:12Hi, Greg.
14:13Hey, Greg.
14:13Hi, what's going on?
14:14Same old, same old.
14:17Dharma?
14:18Oh, hi, honey.
14:18I've been calling.
14:20Oh, sorry.
14:20There's a lot of people.
14:21It's hard to hear the phone.
14:22Why are there a lot of people?
14:23Okay, I told Martha that I would sneak a pizza into her mom at the hospital.
14:27Martha?
14:28Yeah.
14:28Florence's daughter from the family I reunited.
14:30Oh, of course.
14:31Yeah.
14:31And that's when it hit me.
14:33Disabled people in vans taking food to shut-ins.
14:35Meals on wheels.
14:36On wheels.
14:39It gives people in wheelchairs a chance to help.
14:42And the sick people don't have some healthy person bringing them lunch.
14:45Oh, I'm healthy and you're not.
14:46Yep.
14:47Dharma, you were just in an accident.
14:50You can't go delivering food in your wheelchair.
14:53I have to go.
14:53That's how we get good parking spaces.
14:55No, no.
14:57Honey, if you don't slow down, you're not gonna get better.
15:00This is how I'm going to get better.
15:03We talked about this.
15:04You said you were gonna let me do this my way.
15:06Yes, and that's when I thought your way was candles and incense and all that crap.
15:10Well, guess what?
15:11It's all this crap.
15:12Okay.
15:13You know what?
15:14I give up.
15:15I've gotta go take a deposition.
15:16Here is my cell phone and my walkie-talkie and my pager.
15:23Other people call me.
15:29Is Greg okay?
15:30Yeah, he just doesn't understand the power of what's going on here.
15:33Well, hey, I'm a believer.
15:35Because of Dharma, I may have met a man I could marry.
15:37I'm not surprised.
15:39Yeah, I guess it works for me, too.
15:40If everybody hadn't come together to help Dharma with the free lunch thing,
15:43wouldn't have had a chance for a little sex with the ex.
15:46You see?
15:47Good for you.
15:52Can you go get me some more of these brown bags from the kitchen?
15:58You're sleeping with Pete?
16:00Well, he was bragging about this new girlfriend and how he was getting some, and you know how sexy that
16:05makes a guy?
16:07Some coffee?
16:10Nancy?
16:11Mm-hmm.
16:12Nancy Pierce.
16:14Do you think it's possible that maybe you and Pete are just taking this whole thing a little too fast?
16:17I mean, whatever happened, it's just having fun.
16:20Dharma, you're the one who said to jump in with both feet.
16:23Well, I meant like when you do the hokey-pokey.
16:25You know, you put both feet in and then you take them out and then you turn yourself about.
16:28Well, hope you're happy, Dharma.
16:30That was my mother and I'm in hell.
16:33Hang on.
16:35What? I thought things were going so great.
16:38They were when she was dying, but I just found out she's gonna pull through.
16:42Now she's moving in with me, her favorite daughter, thank you very much.
16:46Tomorrow a man's coming over to my apartment to remove the wallpaper she hates,
16:50and I'm supposed to be there because apparently he's single and not picky.
16:56That creep!
16:58You mean that creep?
17:00Hey, Nance.
17:03Thank God I never have to hear...
17:06Again.
17:11Hey, wanna hear a funny coincidence?
17:13No, not really.
17:14Okay.
17:16What's with Nancy?
17:17Could it be that you were cheating on her?
17:22Sounds about right.
17:25Why?
17:26I panicked.
17:27You know, all of a sudden she started saying stuff like, you know,
17:30we were meant for each other and let's jump in with both feet.
17:33It's all water under the bridge now.
17:36Yeah, I guess I'm all yours, kid.
17:38How is that a turn-on? Call me when you're seeing someone.
17:42I think your muffins are burning.
17:45Hey, Jane, I don't make noises like that, do I?
17:47No.
17:48Eek, eek, eek, eek.
17:51No.
18:03Oh...
18:04Oh.
18:09Hello, anyone?
18:50I...
19:01Dharma?
19:02ma yes I came back this is ridiculous and I'm not gonna do it anymore you're in a
19:09wheelchair you need to rest and you need to let me take care of you okay
19:20what happened I was in a really bad car accident I know
19:28it wasn't a big thing that the universe was doing it just happened it sucked yeah that sucked
19:38it didn't help anybody not Martha or Nancy Pete and Jane
19:46I got a tag rank I really tried to believe it but I'm not sure that guy looked better bald
19:55it would have been a lateral move
19:59it's okay I'm here I know
20:08you always are
20:14you
20:16you
20:18you
20:18you
20:18you
20:18you
Comments