- 37 minutes ago
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00:05Oh
00:15Where are my pajama bottoms on me I
00:22Got cold
00:25You took my pants off you take my pants off all the time
00:30When you're awake
00:34Hey, um if you go make some coffee I might let you get in your pants
00:48Good morning
00:54It's a great day, huh? There's a person out here
01:00I'm sorry. I'm September
01:02Hi
01:04I'm Grace
01:05Oh, September?
01:06Hey!
01:07Why?
01:09Oh honey
01:10This is September
01:12We grew up on the commune together
01:14Isn't that nice?
01:15So I thought you were gonna be here on Friday
01:17Oh, well, you know how it goes I stopped and talked to some migrant workers and before you know it
01:21I was picking squash and ragging on Al Hefe
01:23Oh, yeah
01:25Yeah, I really should go put some pants on
01:31He's not putting on pants because of me
01:33No, no, no. He's a lawyer. He has to wear them for work
01:35Um
01:52Hey, honey
01:53Hey, Dharma
01:54Something out there smells like
01:56Whatever's in here
01:59September's cooking
02:00Is she cooking tires?
02:04I heard that
02:06Well, this would be an awkward moment if you hadn't already seen me with my pants off
02:12Wait, Dharma, I never thought you'd live someplace with a microwave, a Cuisinart, and a lawyer
02:20Actually, the microwave and the Cuisinart came with the lawyer. It was a set
02:24The astronaut came with boots and a helmet
02:27I don't get it
02:29Honey, we're gonna go to Abby and Larry's for a macrobiotic potluck dinner
02:33Uh, September only eats food from the local ecosystem
02:36Oh
02:39Right on
02:41Everything in this salad was harvested from within a ten-mile radius
02:45Here, try some
02:46Uh, well, I, um
02:50Oh, that's not bad
02:53And most of the greens I found growing right in the cracks in the sidewalks right within your building
02:59You know, I step on those weeds every day, never even thought of eating them
03:04What are the, um, what are the crunchy things?
03:07You know, I never know what to call them. Are they pill bugs or are they roly polies?
03:12They're pine nuts, Greg, and you had that coming
03:15I thought you were allergic to pine nuts
03:18I am, they're bugs
03:19Did I just eat bugs?
03:24No, of course not
03:25I'm just kidding
03:30Oh, my casserole is burning
03:32What was it doing before?
03:37She's staying alone
03:37Honey, I haven't seen her in 15 years
03:40The least we could do is let her make fun of you
03:42Oh, sure
03:44What are you doing with all this stuff?
03:46Oh, I'm giving it away
03:47Why?
03:47Because my life's gotten too cluttered
03:50Everything September owns fits in one backpack
03:53Well, she eats weeds
03:56So you eat bugs
03:58No, you know, you gotta be careful, you know
04:00You stop owning things and they start owning you
04:02Don't worry, I'm not gonna give away any of your stuff
04:04I know you can't live without your things
04:06Hold on, what things can't I live without?
04:12All of your little electronic buddies
04:15The TV, your computer, your electronic shaving cream warmer
04:21I have a coarse beard, the heat softens it
04:27Okay, we should get going guys, because once this stuff separates
04:31There's no getting it back together again
04:35You know, if you don't mind, maybe I'll just, you know, stay here and watch some football
04:40Mm-hmm, on your best friend, Mr. TV
04:42Let's not start judging each other's friends here
04:50Wow
04:51Hey, look what I found
04:53Oh, doesn't that bring back memories?
04:56Boy
04:58You think it would?
05:00Oh, yeah, that was that Halloween when we dressed up like endangered baby harp seals
05:04Then we went trick-or-treating at all the fur stores
05:07You know, when I worked with Greenpeace, I wound up living with harp seals
05:11Oh, wow, really?
05:14Yeah, we had stopped these hunters, but there was these two baby seals and they had imprinted on me
05:19And so I had to stay until they were weaned
05:23Wow
05:24Derma hand-fed a baby bird that fell out of a nest once
05:30It died
05:32Oh, look at that, we're out of tea
05:34Um, oh, hey, while I'm up, does anyone want any dessert? Abby made a flourless organic carrot cake
05:40Oh, do we know how far away those carrots were grown?
05:44No, no, you're right, we don't
05:46Um, you know what? I'll go see if the crab apples are ripe
05:51So did I tell you I ran into treehouse bob from the commune when I was in costa rica?
05:57No kidding
05:59Treehouse bob mccluskey or treehouse bob dawson
06:03Oh, wow, what a shame those crab apples are not ripe
06:08Oh, we have figs
06:09Oh, good figs
06:13Aren't you proud of september dharma?
06:16You know, it's so easy to drift away from our ideals
06:20She's really stayed the course
06:22Three hunger strikes in one year
06:28It's not such a big deal, she's a really picky eater
06:34Let me try again
06:35Derma, you should have brought your video camera
06:38I had known there was going to be fig juggling, I would have
06:45And that's how fig newton discovered gravity
06:48All right, it's getting late september
06:53Oh, actually, it's mid-october
06:59No, this is fun, it's just we should go because I'm getting a little tired
07:02Really? I'm not, I guess I'm still on Amsterdam time
07:06You and me both
07:10You know what, honey, you could just stay here
07:12You could use dharma's old room
07:14Oh, really? That would be great
07:16If that's okay with you
07:18Oh, it's more than okay
07:19And actually, it was my idea
07:20I was going to say that before I get hit with the fig
07:24So, um, do I just call you and then we'll get some coffee in the morning?
07:27Well, only if we wake up in Brazil
07:31I was so joking
07:35And then she led us all in a song that Nelson Mandela taught her
07:41Nelson Mandela? Really?
07:43I'm sorry, but Nelson Mandela
07:46You're right, she's incredible
07:49Did I tell you she weaned seals?
07:53So, you saved that baby bird
07:56Sure
07:58I'm a, you're every bit as good a person as September is
08:04Yeah, I am every bit as good as she is
08:08I just need to fundamentally change the way I live
08:15How?
08:17Well, for example, I know there's this cave you can live in for five months out of the year
08:22I don't want to live in a cave
08:24Well, what's your suggestion?
08:26Well, if you really want to simplify
08:28Yeah
08:30I was thinking that maybe there was something to what you were saying about the television
08:33and maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to
08:37think about giving it away
08:40That's great
08:43Oh, that's a great start
08:46Where are you going?
08:48Go roll it down to the curb
08:50and then it'll be gone by morning
08:53I was thinking after the Super Bowl
08:58What you're watching?
08:59Streets of San Francisco
09:02Hey, I know that bar
09:04I was in that bar the night you were born
09:09Where's Dharma?
09:11She's out pricing beehives
09:14She wants to turn our electricity off and make our own candles
09:18Is this normal for her or has the pimento slipped out of the olive?
09:22I should say something or should I just be supportive and let this play out?
09:28Listen, son
09:30Sometimes in a marriage a husband doesn't have a very clear understanding of what's going on
09:39That's it
09:40Drink
09:46Hey, Abby
09:48Hi, hon
09:49I made you something
09:52Oh, darn, that's beautiful
09:54Oh
09:54I was just out
09:56Commuting with nature
09:58You know, reconnecting with mother earth
09:59You know me
10:01And I saw these flowers
10:02They're so beautiful and I thought of you
10:05Oh, Dharma
10:07Honey, these are golden poppies
10:09Oh, really?
10:10Yeah, they're so pretty
10:11No, we don't
10:12We don't pick golden poppies, honey
10:14They're protected
10:17Apparently not very well
10:20You know what?
10:21We'll put them in the compost
10:24And it can be our gift back to mother earth
10:29Good
10:32Where's September?
10:33Oh, she's off somewhere with your father
10:36Boy, they have been absolutely inseparable
10:38She stayed up all night last night listening to him sing his Watergate rock opera
10:43All five hours?
10:44Yeah
10:46Oh, I never made it past I suppose so, Bibi Robozo
10:52Hey
10:52Hey
10:53Hi
10:54Hi
10:55Hi
10:55What you got there?
10:56Oh, some camping stuff for Larry
10:59Because he's a big baby and he's afraid of a little rain
11:03I sleep in my back and I'm a mouth breather
11:05I could drown
11:08Are you guys going camping?
11:10Oh, yeah
11:10You know that winter stulces trip your mother and I always take to the desert?
11:14Yeah
11:14Well, I figured I'd have to miss it this year because of the baby
11:16But September wants to go
11:19Oh, I would have gone with you
11:22Well, Pumpkin, you can come too
11:25We'll just have to get another one of these
11:28What is that?
11:30I don't know, but we only have two
11:33Okay, let's try to set this step up
11:35Right, we're going to spend the night in the backyard and test it out
11:38Don't bring us any food, we're going to live off the land
11:41They're going to sleep together out there in the backyard in the tent?
11:48I guess so
11:49And you're fine with that?
11:51What could be the problem?
11:55Oh, my God
11:58Larry, did you turn off the sprinklers?
12:08There you are
12:10I was just catching up on some news
12:13From what I hear, the castaways never get off the island
12:16It was a, I was, uh, what are you doing here?
12:21We needed to talk and you weren't at home
12:23What's wrong?
12:26September has the hots for my dad
12:29You mean like hots for sex?
12:32Yes, hots, they're sharing a pup tent
12:35I don't know that expression
12:38Small tent used for camping and they're sharing it tonight in the backyard
12:44It doesn't mean that they're having sex
12:46That just means that they're, they're, uh, really weird
12:51Gregory, Celia has informed me we don't own tv trays
12:54However, if you would like, we can take a tray from the tea service and put it on a luggage
12:58stand
12:58Never mind, mother, um, can you give us a minute?
13:01Oh, all right
13:02Honey, I'm telling you, my friend is trying to seduce my father
13:06She gives him massages, she braided his ponytail and then when he talks
13:10She gets this lovesick dreamy look in her eyes
13:13I'm sorry, this is larry that we're speaking of
13:18Dharma, september hasn't seen your parents in a long time
13:21They're, they're kindred spirits, she obviously likes your dad, but not in that way
13:24Gregory? Oh, I don't know, I think Dharma's right to be suspicious
13:28Mother
13:29Gregory, you do not see what I see
13:32Come to a country club luncheon, count the number of men there with women one-third their age
13:37It is a national epidemic and you cannot raise money to fight it
13:41You're not helping, mother
13:43It is everywhere, Gregory, for heaven's sake
13:46Look, look, the gentleman with the ascot being tempted by that young tart
13:51Wearing a sequined cocktail dress in the middle of the day
13:55That's all she brought on the boat
13:57Hey, what do you think I should do?
13:59Well, I could give you the name of a private detective that I have used from time to time
14:04He's very discreet
14:05Mother, she doesn't need to hire a private detective
14:08Yeah, it's not like I don't know what they're doing
14:10Oh, Dharma, you don't know what they're doing
14:16What is he talking about? The woman has a trunk full of clothes
14:25Wow, it sure is warm on our camping trip in the desert
14:30Not for long
14:36Am I interrupting something?
14:38Oh, no, we're just playing with our pants
14:42I should put the goat in the pen if we're gonna be sleeping in the backyard
14:45Yeah, I'll be right out
14:47Yeah, I wouldn't want that goat to ruin your little camp out
14:50No, no, we wouldn't
14:52Because three's a crowd, right?
14:55Yeah, I guess
14:55I mean, when one of them's a goat
14:59Okay, I'm not good at being all
15:00And woo, so I'm just gonna say it
15:04Are you sleeping with Larry?
15:07What?
15:08No
15:09How could you even think that?
15:12Well, it's a terror, the massages, the camping, the detachable pants
15:16And I love my father, but no one sits through his whole Watergate opera
15:22Okay
15:24I guess I could see how you thought that
15:26What?
15:27No, no, Dharma
15:31Okay
15:33Here's the deal
15:35I've never known who my father was
15:37And I didn't really care
15:39But when my mom died, it felt really weird being all alone
15:43So I went through her letters and stuff
15:45And I narrowed it down to five guys that she might have had a relationship with
15:52Do you think Larry might be your father?
15:56Maybe
16:00Wow
16:01Wow
16:02But the thing is, is I didn't want to disrupt anybody's life
16:05So I just, I figured I would hang out with each one of them
16:09And that way I'd know that somewhere in there
16:12I spent time with my dad
16:15Okay
16:16The tent is up
16:18No, no, false alarm
16:22He's such a goofball
16:24I know
16:27Oh, I should have told you before
16:31Okay
16:32Oh, damn
16:34I'm gonna go give him a hand
16:35Okay
16:35Okay
16:36Oh
16:37Uh, the Dow Industrial's down about 12 and a half
16:44Hi
16:47Well, you're right, they're not having an affair
16:50Well, I'm not gonna say I told you so, but I am gonna make the face
17:01What does that do you mean?
17:03I must have been in there for months
17:06You know, she was acting really weird because she thinks Larry might be her father
17:13Could he be?
17:15No
17:15Look, I went through Abby's picture drawer and I found this
17:19It's their first day on the commune, right?
17:21There's Abby holding me, there's Larry
17:23With hair?
17:24No, he was combing it over, it was a swoop do
17:27And that's September's mom
17:29She's already pregnant and that's the day she met Larry
17:33Did you show her this?
17:34Not yet
17:36She and Larry are having a sleepover, it seemed like the right time
17:41And I gotta say, you're kind of lucked out here
17:43What do you mean?
17:44Well, this way you won't have to spend the rest of your life, you know
17:47Computing with a perfect sister who's out to save the world
17:50And we can have a TV again
17:54Well, you didn't give away the TV to compete with her
17:56Yes, you did
17:58Well, obviously, but don't make the face
18:00No, no, no, no
18:04Darma
18:04Hi
18:06Hi
18:10You didn't say goodbye
18:13Are we okay?
18:14Oh, yeah, no, yeah, no, no, no, no, we're fine
18:17Well, listen, I'm in a split tonight
18:19Why?
18:20I didn't want to script anybody's family and I kind of feel that I am
18:24No, you're not
18:25No, I am
18:27I just was having so much fun with Larry
18:31Listen
18:31And he was the last guy on my list and he's the only guy I really liked
18:39I hope he's my dad
18:48I hope he is too
18:52So I'll see you in a couple months, right?
18:54Really? What for?
18:56For the camping trip
18:57Larry always gets us lost in the middle of the desert
18:59You're the only one who knows how to make a meal out of twigs and dirt
19:02So where are you off to?
19:08Oh, Martin Sheen is gonna chain himself to something this weekend, so I'm gonna help out
19:17Bye
19:18Hey, there weren't really bugs in the salad, were there?
19:22Who would put bugs in a salad?
19:34You did a very nice thing there
19:36Yeah
19:41You want to go get yourself a new TV, don't you?
19:43Oh, yeah
19:46Do you want to talk or
19:47No, no, no, go, go get picture in picture
20:13Go, go, go, go, go!
20:18Go, go, go, go
20:24Go!
20:26Go!
20:28You
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