- 1 day ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:01Okay, I have an hour and a half to my next class. What can I do?
00:04Thanks, you're a lifesaver. Opposing counsel is burying me.
00:07If I don't get this stuff sorted out, I'm going to wind up working all weekend.
00:10Okay, let's get started.
00:17Um, how much time did you say you have?
00:20Hour and a half?
00:21Well, you know, I'm thinking there's probably only about an hour of paperwork here if we, uh, if we buckle
00:27down.
00:29So, you want to buckle down?
00:31I think we have to.
00:33Okay, but afterwards we do that paper.
00:54Alright, we've got 12 minutes to get this paperwork done.
00:56Well, whatever you do, don't say buckle down.
01:00It really didn't work out at all, did it?
01:02Actually, in one sense it worked out very well.
01:05We need to get a piece of furniture at home that's the same height as this desk.
01:10Okay, um, I really should hire somebody to help me out here. I just don't have the time.
01:15Why don't you tell me what you're looking for? Maybe I can help you find someone.
01:17Well, it has to be someone with experience who really knows what they're doing.
01:21Uh-huh.
01:21Someone I feel comfortable working closely with.
01:24Yeah.
01:26Someone who can anticipate my needs.
01:29Ooh.
01:31Someone who isn't afraid to keep working until the job is done.
01:36So, what you're saying is you need someone who can really buckle down.
01:45Anyway, I thought who better than Greg's former secretary to give me advice about hiring his new secretary.
01:51Uh-huh. Hang on a sec.
01:52Hit me.
01:54Oh, busted.
01:56Why do I hit on a soft 18?
01:59Cool game.
02:00It's not a game. I'm down 800 bucks to a casino in the Cayman Islands.
02:04Are you bringing the porter file?
02:07On my way.
02:09You were saying?
02:11Uh, well, Greg needs a secretary.
02:13All right.
02:14That's not gonna be easy. Greg's a regular slave driver.
02:17Really? How so?
02:18Well, for starters, he expects you to come in every morning, Monday through Friday, rain or shine, even when you're
02:25bloated.
02:28Marlene?
02:29What?
02:30The porter file?
02:31I was at your door. I had to come back to answer the intercom.
02:36Oh, sorry.
02:39Oh, and the littlest things get Greg been out of shape, like if your cat craps in his office.
02:46Marlene?
02:47Oh, hi, darling.
02:48Hey, Pete.
02:49There you are. I couldn't find you, so I put the file back in the drawer.
02:54I was in my office.
02:56Are you calling me a liar?
03:00Listen, whatever you do, choose wisely, because with the laws these days, it's really hard to fire someone.
03:08Marlene, the porter file isn't even in here.
03:10Oh, porter. You said McClain.
03:18You're welcome.
03:21Come on, we can talk about this over lunch.
03:24Lunch? It's only 10.30.
03:27So I'll have a couple of cocktails. I needed one.
03:33Okay, well, your resume's great. Letters of reference, all excellent.
03:38Let's just take a look at your horoscope here.
03:44Oh, you're just a cranky little moon child, aren't you?
03:51Well, you're obviously very qualified.
03:54Tarot cards were favorable.
03:55Remember not to travel over water for a while.
03:59One last thing.
04:00If you would be kind enough
04:04to please look out this window and tell me what you see.
04:09Come on.
04:17Well, I see a garbage truck.
04:20Go on.
04:22I see garbage cans.
04:24I see garbage on the street.
04:26I see a dog peeing on a garbage can.
04:29I see ugly, disgusting, infected pigeons.
04:32Okay.
04:34I'll let you know.
04:36That window's very dirty.
04:41Okay.
04:43How about this one?
04:44Uh, half full.
04:48And this one?
04:50Also half full.
04:51Excellent.
04:54Okay, let's dance.
04:58Dance?
04:59Yeah, well, sometimes Greg's gonna become overwhelmed on the job
05:01and you're gonna have to take the lead,
05:03so I need to see you lead.
05:06I'm fully capable of running a legal office.
05:09Maybe.
05:10But unless we dance, there's no way for me to know that.
05:12Let's go.
05:14And don't be afraid to dip me.
05:24Dr. Dharma, what are you doing?
05:26Uh, interviewing secretaries.
05:29Of course you are.
05:43Wow!
05:46You are a natural-born leader.
05:50I went to an all-girls school.
05:51I played the king in The King and I.
05:53You should put that on your resume.
05:55Which is fantastic, by the way.
05:59Okay.
06:00You're a water sign, which is always really good for Greg.
06:04Half full, half full, half full.
06:08I Ching, tarot, chakras, all very nice.
06:13Good SATs, great resting heart rate.
06:17Still talk to your folks?
06:18Oh, yes, every Sunday.
06:19And on Thursday nights, I call bingo at my grandmother's rest home.
06:22I love bingo.
06:23Can anybody do that, or do you have to have a grandmother there?
06:28Alaska.
06:28Nice.
06:30Okay, well, just one more question.
06:34Why do you want to be a legal secretary?
06:36Well, I, um, I dropped out of law school so that I could be a fashion model, and I always,
06:41always regretted it.
06:42Because, I mean, how exactly does having your picture taken in your underwear help make the world a better place?
06:46Well, sure, cheers up.
06:47The guys at Photomat.
06:50So, if I could just work for a smart lawyer during the day, and then go back to law school
06:53at night,
06:54then one day, hopefully, I'll be able to fulfill a lifelong dream and practice environmental law.
06:59Wow.
07:00Spank me money.
07:01I think I'm in love.
07:05Hey, ready for lunch?
07:06Just a sec.
07:07Kim, you are perfect for this job.
07:09Can you start tomorrow?
07:10Oh, great.
07:11Great.
07:11Hey, can I start at eight, though?
07:13Because if I don't meditate from six to seven, I am just not centered all day.
07:16Oh, sing it, sister.
07:17Oh.
07:19Okay, I'll see you at eight.
07:20Thank you so much.
07:21You're welcome.
07:22Hi.
07:24Bye-bye.
07:24Bye.
07:27What was that all about?
07:28I just hired a new secretary for Greg.
07:30You hired her?
07:31Yeah.
07:32Did you happen to look at her?
07:34She's rocket body gorgeous, yes, I noticed.
07:37She used to be a model.
07:38And now she's your husband's secretary?
07:40I'm not going to discriminate against the poor girl just because she's beautiful.
07:43She's the most qualified person for the job.
07:45What's the job?
07:46Keeping the blood out of his brain?
07:50I just want you to promise me one thing.
07:53Do not judge her on her appearance.
07:55Of course not.
07:56Okay.
07:57She was the most qualified person for the job, and I think if you just work with her for
08:00a little while, you won't even notice.
08:01I'm sure I won't.
08:02Okay.
08:05Don't stare at her.
08:06I think it makes her self-conscious.
08:07I'm fine with it, or the lack of it.
08:09Whatever.
08:17Good morning.
08:18Good morning.
08:20Greg.
08:23Greg.
08:24This is your new secretary, Kim.
08:26Yes.
08:28It is so nice to meet you.
08:31Yes.
08:33Hey, I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of unpacking all of those boxes of papers.
08:36Now, I have them sorted by date and cross-referenced alphabetically.
08:39Now, how do you like your coffee?
08:41Cream?
08:41Sugar?
08:42Yes.
08:47I mean, you're staring.
08:49Yes.
08:51Um, Dharma, can I speak to you for a second?
08:53We're just going to go in there in the, uh, uh, uh, work part.
08:56Your office.
08:57Yes.
09:00That color looks great on you.
09:01You look fantastic.
09:05Dharma, I'm a little confused.
09:08What exactly was the thinking there?
09:09I'm sorry.
09:10I don't understand.
09:11How could you hire her?
09:12What's wrong with her?
09:13What's wrong with her?
09:14She's gorgeous.
09:15But pretty.
09:15She's a, uh, handsome woman, some might say.
09:21So?
09:22So, I just don't think you want me working with someone like that.
09:26I like her.
09:27I think she's great.
09:29You know, she meditates.
09:30She does yoga.
09:31She can get into positions.
09:32I can't even get near.
09:34She's so limber.
09:38Is this some kind of Tess?
09:40Are you saying you don't trust yourself around her?
09:43Of course I trust myself.
09:44And I trust you.
09:45But wouldn't it be better if you didn't have to trust me?
09:50Are you listening to yourself?
09:53Kim, come on in.
09:55Here you go.
09:58Hope it's okay.
09:59Mm.
10:00Hot.
10:01Dharma said that you like it hot.
10:07Yes.
10:10I think this is going to work out great.
10:13I'll leave you two legal beagles alone.
10:14Bye.
10:17Your wife's very nice.
10:20Thanks.
10:20I'm married.
10:26Okay.
10:27Good boys.
10:30Hey.
10:31How was your day?
10:32Great.
10:32Very good day.
10:33How was Kim?
10:34Fine.
10:35She's very efficient.
10:40Wow.
10:41What's got into you?
10:42Nothing.
10:42I've just been at work all day where there's no sex and now I'm home with my wife.
10:46How was your day?
10:47Started out slow, but it's picking up.
10:56I'm coming.
10:58Guys.
11:00There's somebody knocking on the door in the middle of the night.
11:07Scary.
11:09Who is it?
11:10It's Kim.
11:11Oh.
11:13Hi, what's up?
11:14Hi.
11:14I'm so sorry to bother you this late, but I was just finishing up at the office and I
11:17noticed these papers I was supposed to get Greg to sign.
11:19You've been at the office this whole time?
11:21Uh-huh.
11:22And they have to be postmarked by midnight.
11:23What's going on?
11:26Oh, Mr. Montgomery.
11:27I am so sorry.
11:28I just completely forgot all about this.
11:31Again, call me Greg.
11:32And, um, these are just going across town.
11:34We can walk them over tomorrow and still beat the deadline.
11:36Really?
11:37Are you sure?
11:38Because it's all my fault and it's my very first day and I really, really wanted
11:41to do a good job for you.
11:43Greg, tell her it's okay.
11:44It's okay.
11:45Come on in and sit down.
11:46I'll make you some tea.
11:48Take your coat off.
11:51Greg.
11:52What?
11:53Comfort her.
12:00It's going to be okay.
12:10It's going to be all right.
12:12You are such a great guy.
12:15Dharma is really lucky.
12:18Uh, once again, uh, thank you.
12:21Okay.
12:22Let's talk about what's really going on.
12:24What do you mean?
12:25Well, what are you doing working at the office this late?
12:27You should be out having a good time.
12:30With who?
12:31You're kidding.
12:32No.
12:33It's really hard to meet people.
12:34Someone as smart and beautiful as you are?
12:37Greg, tell her how beautiful she is.
12:42You're very beautiful.
12:45When was the last time you had sex?
12:48Exactly where are we going here?
12:50Just sharing.
12:51Would you believe it's been a year?
12:53No way.
12:57I don't even think I'd know what to do anymore.
13:00It's just like riding a bike.
13:01Except the bike has fun, too.
13:02Right, Greg?
13:04A whole year?
13:08Be helpful.
13:09Okay.
13:09Um, well, Kim, it seems to me that you just need to get out there and meet people.
13:14Go to parties or something.
13:16That's a great idea.
13:18Kim, we have these two tickets to this charity dance at Greg's Parents Country Club.
13:21It's always swarming with single girls.
13:24Greg will take you.
13:26Really?
13:27What?
13:28We need to find you something really sexy to wear.
13:30Well, I do have this one long red dress.
13:32It's kind of low-cut.
13:34Low-cut?
13:34That's perfect.
13:35Right, Greg?
13:38Thank you so much.
13:40Yeah.
13:42Ooh.
13:44Oh, tease out.
13:48Oh, God, I miss being held by a man.
13:51Um, I, uh, miss, uh, uh, Johnny Carson.
13:59I'm so happy you could come with us tonight, Dharma.
14:02Yeah, you haven't lived until you've been to Jamboree Night at this mother's brother's vineyard.
14:07Well, it worked out great for everyone.
14:09Let's just hope Greg's secretary meets somebody nice tonight.
14:12I don't mean to be judgmental, but it was making me a little uncomfortable how she was looking at Greg.
14:17He's her boss.
14:18She admires him.
14:19And you have no problem with the two of them being alone together for the evening?
14:24Abby, I trust Greg with all my heart.
14:26Sure.
14:26But how about with a tight little unit like that Kim?
14:31Larry.
14:32Not my words.
14:33Well, whose words were they?
14:35I came up the cow.
14:36In the rain.
14:37But you can't wear leather in the rain.
14:39Weird.
14:39Kim has been such a big help.
14:42Not just for Greg.
14:43She took my clothes to the dry cleaner.
14:45She got the car serviced.
14:46She even gave Stinky and Nunzio a bath.
14:49Woof.
14:50What does that look so close to me?
14:53Um, hello?
14:54Goodbye?
14:55Peace?
14:55It's like Shalom for dogs.
15:03Mom?
15:04Dad?
15:04Gregory!
15:05Holy smoke.
15:07Um.
15:11This is my new secretary, Kim.
15:13These are my parents, Kitty and Edward.
15:14Well, it's a pleasure to meet you.
15:15Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, too.
15:17Greg has told me so many wonderful things about you.
15:19Oh.
15:20Hey, Gregory?
15:21Could I see you for a minute?
15:23Excuse me.
15:27So, Gregory tells me you're a Vassar girl, too.
15:30You went to Vassar?
15:32Oh, do you know what I miss the most?
15:34Tea in the rose parlor?
15:36Yes!
15:39Now, son, I don't condone this kind of behavior, but from what I understand, you bring your
15:44wife to these shindigs and your secretary someplace fun like Jamaica.
15:51Bringing Kim to this thing was Darma's idea.
15:53Well, that's not much of a story, but stick with it.
15:56Consistency is the key.
15:59Oh, come on, Abby.
16:00How is that sexist?
16:01If a woman were built out of brick, you're just saying she's sturdy and reliable, and when
16:06you don't have indoor plumbing, what's more useful?
16:08I don't know, Harry.
16:10Darma, maybe you should slow down.
16:11I'm trying, but these brakes are a little mushy.
16:14I have to tell Kim not to use that mechanic again.
16:24I can't remember the last time that I waltzed.
16:27Gregory, I think someone would like an invitation to dance.
16:30I'll dance with her.
16:31Edward, sit.
16:33Uh, Dan, would you care to dance?
16:36I would love to.
16:39Oh, Edward, why couldn't Gregory have met her first?
16:44Why couldn't I have met her first?
16:48Uh, so that I could have introduced her to Gregory.
16:53Darma, do you sorry?
16:54I'm trying, I'm trying.
16:56For God's sake, slow down.
16:57It's just the Smothers Brothers.
16:58Oh.
17:08Oh.
17:24Oh.
17:26Oh.
17:34Oh.
17:50Oh
17:55Dharma
17:57Kim
17:59What thing what happened got an accident those breaks you got fixed gave me some trouble
18:06Oh, no
18:10Well, thank God you're okay. Yeah, why are you wearing my robe? Oh
18:15This um, we got caught out in the rain and my things are in the dryer your evening out is
18:21in the dryer
18:21No, of course not my underwear is in the dryer
18:26Greg gave me this so I wouldn't have to walk around the house naked
18:32Where is Greg now in the shower?
18:36In the shower? Yeah, poor baby just got soaked in a bone
18:46Guess it all makes sense
18:50Well, I'm gonna go tell them I'm home. Okay. Oh
18:54Wait, it's one little thing I have to do first
19:04Back to law school at night then one day hopefully I'll be able to fulfill a lifelong dream and practice
19:09environmental law how nice?
19:14Well, I still have more people to see and we'll let you know. Thanks for coming in though
19:21I'd really like this job we have your number
19:28I'll be right back to you
19:29Bye-bye
19:32Ready for lunch?
19:33Just a sec
19:38Chick was drop-dead gorgeous almost
19:48Morning boss
19:49Morning boss
19:53Marlene
19:54What are you doing here?
19:56Moving on up
19:59By the way, I gotta leave it too and some judge called
20:03Do we strike gold or what?
20:07Dharma, can I talk to you for a second?
20:11Hey, isn't anybody gonna make coffee?
20:14Hey, isn't anybody gonna make coffee?
20:37Yeah
20:38It's about...
20:39chu
20:40right
20:41Flurgo
20:41Yeah
20:41Good
20:42All
Comments