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00:06Obviously, there is a lot of emotion surrounding this issue, so why don't we all take a deep, cleansing breath.
00:18And we'll table the bike rack issue until next week.
00:22Yes, darling.
00:23Is it possible to move my Thursday night yoga class because it's kind of hard to concentrate with all the
00:27crying and screaming coming from the beginner's acupuncture class next door?
00:31That's not my class. That come from the Sex for Seniors class.
00:36That's not what you think. We do stretching exercises.
00:39Oh, don't say anymore. I don't want that picture in my head.
00:43I thought the Asians revered the elderly, not horny one.
00:47Oh, no, no, no, no!
00:49People! People!
00:52Obviously, there's a lot of emotion surrounding this issue, too.
01:01Okay. So, next on the agenda, choosing a president for next year.
01:07All in favor of Abby, raise your hand.
01:08Oh, Dharma, please. Let's have a proper election. I'm not a Vita.
01:13Come on, Abby. Nobody ever runs against you.
01:15Well, maybe it's time someone did. And in that spirit, I nominate Dharma.
01:20Me?
01:22People should have a choice.
01:24All right, Marcy?
01:25Oh, I'm sorry.
01:26No, no. You didn't do anything wrong.
01:29Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:32No, no.
01:32Would you please preside over the election while the nominees step outside?
01:37Well, uh, will the nominees please step outside?
01:40Okay, uh, everybody that wants to do this by a show of hands, uh, raise your hand.
01:48Why did she do that?
01:49Because you're a strong, capable person who won't mind when she loses a silly co-op election.
01:56You can come back in now.
01:58Oof.
01:58Boy, howdy, that was fast.
02:00You ran a good race, honey.
02:05Let's have a big hand for the president of the San Francisco Alternative Educational Cooperative, Dharma Moncom.
02:23Oh, crap.
02:25Amazing.
02:41Abby, thank you for dinner.
02:43Oh, it's just my little way of congratulating our brand new president.
02:47Thanks, Al.
02:49You sure you're okay about not being reelected?
02:51Oh, of course, sweetie.
02:53People spoke.
02:57Plus, I get to spend more time with your father.
03:01Yay.
03:04Larry, you want some of this cake?
03:05No, no.
03:06Larry doesn't eat refined sugar or bleached flour or commercially grown chocolate.
03:10No, I never do.
03:11Even when I'm at your house and Abby's not there, I don't.
03:14No, yeah. Never do.
03:15Larry, we have to go.
03:17What play are you guys singing tonight?
03:18Oh, it's this wonderful new theater piece called The Vagina Monologues.
03:23Sounds interesting.
03:24It does.
03:25But it turns out it's just women speaking normally.
03:30Enjoy your dessert.
03:31Bye.
03:32Bye.
03:32Bye, guys.
03:33Thanks.
03:34Love you.
03:34Love you, too.
03:36She hates me. My own mother hates me.
03:38Darma, your mother never hated anyone.
03:42So you understand how bad I feel being the first.
03:45Darma?
03:47Katie!
03:49Hey, what's going on?
03:50I'm good.
03:51Oh, good to see you.
03:52You, too.
03:53Hey, Greg.
03:54You remember Katie Lang?
03:55Yes, I remember Katie Lang.
03:57She stayed at our house.
03:59You're a lawyer, right?
04:01That's what it says in his underwear.
04:03Yes, I am.
04:04Do you think you could handle a little situation for me?
04:07Sure.
04:08Absolutely.
04:09Call, come by the office at any time.
04:12Thanks, I will.
04:13I'm so sorry to interrupt your supper.
04:15No, no problem.
04:16But it's so good to see you.
04:17Oh, you look great.
04:20Bye.
04:25Well, how about that?
04:26Oh, you get to spend time with one of the world's greatest singers and your mother doesn't
04:30hate you.
04:32I really appreciate you coming down here to help me out on my first day, Abby.
04:36Oh, well, wouldn't I help you out, honey?
04:39You're our duly elected president.
04:42Not like you staged a bloody coup.
04:47Maybe I should call a locksmith about the door.
04:50Well, good for you.
04:51First day on the job making changes left and right.
04:55I'm not going to make a lot of changes, Abby.
04:57Well, honey, you're the president now.
04:59If there's something you feel needs to be done, you do it.
05:02I have always thought we should clean up this bulletin board.
05:04You can barely see the class schedule.
05:06Well, that's your call, honey.
05:08Like this cat.
05:09This cat's been missing for years.
05:11Even if he is still alive, he probably doesn't even look like this anymore.
05:15It's true.
05:16Hands across America.
05:17Over.
05:18Told me about Fen-Fen.
05:20I don't think so.
05:22Free Nelson Mandela rally.
05:24Well, unless they're giving away free Nelson Mandelas.
05:26That's all.
05:27All right, let me show you your office.
05:31Yeah, you know, maybe we should call a repairman about that elevator, too.
05:34Oh, yeah, well, we had one in a couple of years ago.
05:37He put up that nice sign.
05:46Sorry, it's such a mess.
05:48What is all this stuff?
05:50It's the supplies for the juice bar.
05:53Hey, why don't we store it in the broken elevator?
05:56Well, you're just a good idea factory on Way to Go Street.
06:01Did someone find Whiskers?
06:05Oh, no, Clara, I just took the sign down.
06:07Why?
06:08Well, he's been missing since 1989.
06:10We have to consider the possibility that Whiskers, you know, is no longer with us.
06:16Are you trying to tell me my Whiskers is dead?
06:22Or that he's living on a farm with a bunch of children who love him and mice that fear him.
06:30Where are you going?
06:32I don't care.
06:33You can't just leave.
06:34What am I going to tell your students?
06:36Well, I'm out of fire with mice and children.
06:40Hey, what jerk took down my sign?
06:42I got garage full of Mexican fen-fen.
06:47I don't get it. Why wouldn't she just hire a real entertainment lawyer?
06:50I don't know. Maybe she got tired of all those high-priced phonies and wanted to hire someone she could
06:55trust.
06:59Or a guy who sells car stereos.
07:03If you're going to pick at me, I'm not going to let you meet her.
07:05Turning on your friends. Nice. Very Hollywood.
07:09Hello?
07:09Hi, hi. Come on in. I hope you don't mind, but I asked a friend of mine who's with the
07:14U.S. Attorney's Office to sit in just in case there are any federal issues we need to work on.
07:19I don't think there are.
07:21You worry about the music, I'll worry about the law.
07:24Katie, this is Pete Cavanaugh. Pete, Katie Lang.
07:26Hi, Pete. How you doing?
07:28You know, you and my wife have a lot in common.
07:29Really?
07:30Yeah, she's Canadian. And she doesn't like sleeping with men either.
07:39Small world.
07:42Okay, here's the thing. I'm just trying to get this cleaning fee back from this apartment I sublet last year.
07:47Ah, cleaning fee? You've got the right man here.
07:51Thank you, Pete.
07:52No, if this isn't your thing, I totally understand.
07:55Oh, no, no, no. I'm happy to help you in any way I can.
07:58Okay, well, here's the lease and the number there to the recording studio where you can reach me if you
08:02need me.
08:02Cool. I'll jump right on this.
08:04Thanks. Hey, say hi to Dharma for me.
08:06I will. So what are you doing down there at the recording studio? Are you cutting a record?
08:11Yeah.
08:13Great, great. Well, how long has it been since you cut one? A record?
08:20It's been a couple years. Anyway, I've got to go. Thanks. Appreciate it.
08:23Okay, all right. I'll catch you on the flip side.
08:24Okay.
08:29Ask me how long it's been since I cut one.
08:35Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
08:36Gotta take the door back to the shop.
08:39What?
08:39It's an old door. Can't tell what's going on until we x-ray it.
08:44You're kidding, right?
08:45You're a smart girl.
08:48We'll have it back to you in a couple of days.
08:50Hang on, hang on. Don't you have a loaner door or something?
08:52A loaner door? That's good. I'm gonna use that.
08:57What are they doing with our door?
08:58Oh, it wasn't locking right.
09:00Oh.
09:01This is much better.
09:06Susan, Susan.
09:08Please, can you do me a huge favor?
09:10Claire's taking the day off. Can you take her sex for seniors' class?
09:13I'll take them outside and hose them down. How about that?
09:18Or show them a dirty movie, whatever.
09:22Come on, horned dogs. Follow me.
09:27Yeah, hi. I'm calling for the San Francisco Alternative Educational Co-op.
09:30My mom said you're the guys who fix our heat?
09:32No, no, no. That's the Holistic Educational Co-op.
09:36We're on Cole Street.
09:38No, that's the Institute for Alternative Education.
09:41We're across the street, two doors down.
09:44Um, hang on one sec.
09:46Marcy, I just took all of this stuff out of here.
09:48I'm sorry, but we can't keep it in the elevator because it doesn't lock and some bird brain just gave
09:54away our front door.
09:57That's President Bird Brain to you!
10:00No!
10:03Laugh the whole Hollywood life at anything
10:07It's a weird turn but never ending
10:11Summer flame
10:17Sweet, sweet bird of sun and summer wind
10:22And you, my friend, my new fun thing
10:25My summer flame
10:32That was great, KD.
10:33Really incredible.
10:35She can't hear you.
10:36Try it now.
10:37That was great!
10:42I'll come in.
10:45I'm KD's attorney.
10:46I'm handling some real estate matters for her.
10:48Super.
10:51So, what'd you think?
10:53Me? You wanted to know what I thought?
10:55Very catchy, very snappy.
10:57Summer fling.
10:58I can't get it out of my head. It's a hit.
11:00Go ahead. Tell that to the record company.
11:02They don't hear it as a single.
11:03They don't think it's a single?
11:04It's more than a single. It's a home run.
11:10Anywho, I brought these papers for you to sign.
11:12I should be able to get that deposit for you, ASAP, KD.
11:19They're all letters.
11:20Anyway, I gotta go.
11:22Okay. Well, I really appreciate this.
11:25Thank you so much.
11:25Well, I really appreciate what you do.
11:28I mean, because, you know, nobody does it better.
11:32I mean, that's Carly Simon, I know.
11:35She's good, but she's no you.
11:38Now I'm late. Bye.
11:39Okay.
11:41Okay.
11:43Yeah, hi.
11:44I called earlier about the heat and no one has shown up yet.
11:48Yeah?
11:49Well, I've got a colonic irrigation workshop on the third floor and there are people up there
11:52actually freezing their butts off.
11:56Great.
11:56Have your guy come see me.
11:57My office is in the elevator.
12:00Because you can't store fruit in an elevator when some bird brain gives away the front door.
12:06Oh, little help.
12:10Oh, little help.
12:11Dharma in the hole.
12:16Hello?
12:19Dharma?
12:23Dharma, where are you?
12:25I'm in the wall.
12:29If I keep talking, I'll crawl towards your voids.
12:33What? You're where?
12:34Hey, wait, I see a light.
12:36I think, yes, I'm saved.
12:40Wait.
12:44This will get me out.
12:45Sure.
12:46How did you get in there?
12:49The elevator went down to the basement,
12:50but the door down there was all bricked up,
12:53and by the time I realized that I could shiggy through the heating vents,
12:55everybody was gone, and then the heater came on,
12:57which is good for people getting enemas, but not for me.
13:00And then I found a cat skeleton.
13:02Probably whiskers, hard to say.
13:05I'm sorry, I don't understand.
13:07It's okay, I didn't understand at first either,
13:09but a girl does a lot of thinking when she's curling through a heating vent.
13:12And everything leads back to Abby, Greg.
13:15She was so upset when I won the election,
13:18and she set me up to fail.
13:20What? How?
13:20Okay, I said, hey, why don't we clean up the bulletin board?
13:24She said, fine.
13:25I said, why don't we fix the door?
13:26She said, good idea.
13:27I moved my office into the elevator.
13:29She said I was smart.
13:30Get it? See the pattern?
13:32You know the door's gone?
13:33I know the door's gone.
13:35Okay, I think, I think that's got it.
13:39Okay, well, easy does it.
13:42Hold them to me.
13:43Okay, okay, okay, okay.
13:45Ugh.
13:47Whiskers, ha, I was right.
13:53Come on, let's get you home.
13:54Okay, hang on.
13:56Honey, I gotta tell you,
13:57I can't see that your mom was doing anything to sabotage you.
14:00It sounds to me like she's been nothing but supportive.
14:02Oh, yeah, that's the plan, Greg.
14:05She's supportive.
14:06She gives you just enough rope to hang yourself.
14:08Believe you me, Greg.
14:09She is a diabolical genius who will stop at nothing
14:11till she gets her little mitts on that presidential sword.
14:14People, people!
14:16People!
14:19Please come home.
14:23Oh, wait.
14:25I can't leave.
14:26There's no door.
14:27What, what about this?
14:33Oh, well.
14:35There's just another thing,
14:36Abby, conveniently forgot to tell me.
14:38Okay, okay.
14:40My own mother, Greg.
14:41I know, she's a diabolical genius.
14:42She's a diabolical genius, Greg.
14:44So, let me see if I understand this correctly.
14:47This woman...
14:48Betty.
14:49Betty.
14:50Betty.
14:50Silverspoon.
14:51Oh.
14:52Uh, Betty is plotting to take your job.
14:55Right.
14:56You know, I had a similar situation a few years back.
14:59Some young Turk was trying to squeeze me out.
15:02What did you do?
15:03I promoted him.
15:04I made him chief operating officer.
15:06Really?
15:07Yeah.
15:08Then I set up a shell corporation,
15:09transferred the assets out,
15:11let the original company go bankrupt,
15:13leaving him in the hot seat.
15:18What happened to him?
15:20He's cleaning pools for a living now.
15:24Does a pretty good job.
15:27It's very clever, Edward, but takes too long.
15:31Let me tell you something, Dharma.
15:34When Evelyn Lansdale tried to push me off the refreshment committee of the Women's Auxiliary,
15:39I told anyone who would listen that she had never had an affair with a plastic surgeon.
15:43Not even when she was drunk.
15:46There were people saying she had it.
15:49Not until I denied it.
15:54What happened to her?
15:56Well, I can tell you for a fact,
15:57she is not selling cosmetics out of the trunk of her car.
16:00Wink, wink.
16:05So you just ruined these people's lives.
16:07They started it.
16:10Well, thank you so much.
16:12I feel I have a lot of really great ideas to work with.
16:15Oh, wait, wait, wait, Edward.
16:17Edward, tell her about that fellow you turned into the IRS for tax evasion.
16:20Yes, that's a cute story.
16:23I was in a little fender bender, probably my fault.
16:26Then the jackass sued me.
16:30I'm going to show myself how to do it.
16:31Talk, Tadia.
16:32Go out there.
16:33I love this story.
16:34I love it.
16:36Okay, Charlie, let's take it from the top of the second chorus.
16:40Hey, how's the man behind the music?
16:44KD, he's back.
16:47Hey, Greg.
16:48Um, great news.
16:50I, uh, I called, uh, your, uh, lawyer in Vancouver
16:52and I got the record contract.
16:54You're right.
16:54You can't pick the single,
16:56but what you can do is, uh, kill the album, which I did.
17:01You didn't mean what?
17:02I killed the record.
17:03But, but, but relax.
17:04It's just a negotiating technique.
17:06Oh, you were supposed to do my thing.
17:06We play a little hardball and they cave on the single.
17:09I'm not destroying my career.
17:09Are you crazy?
17:10Are you dumbass?
17:12I can't.
17:13I can't.
17:24I thought we all agreed it was the single.
17:30Mission accomplished.
17:31You took my mother's class.
17:33Yep.
17:34Was she suspicious?
17:35Well, yeah, a little.
17:36It's a menopause workshop.
17:37I was the only one there with eggs.
17:40What did you find out?
17:43Sometimes after the change, you get a little pooch.
17:46But you can just wear a long shirt.
17:49What about me?
17:49Did my name come up?
17:51No.
17:52Okay.
17:53Do you think my name didn't come up on purpose?
18:00No.
18:02This new class schedule make no sense.
18:05Susan, calm down.
18:06I'm sure Dharma has a plan.
18:07We never had this problem with you, Abby.
18:09Your daughter's drunk with power.
18:12Or just drunk.
18:14Oh, yeah, that's it.
18:16That's why she reminds me of my mother.
18:18What's going on?
18:19What's going on?
18:21Your new class schedule sucks.
18:23Yeah.
18:24What's wrong with it?
18:25I did everything everybody wanted.
18:26Wait a minute.
18:27This is not my schedule.
18:29Who's this?
18:30I don't know.
18:31Maybe we should ask Abby.
18:33Why ask me?
18:34Oh, come on.
18:34Who else has something to gain by making me look bad?
18:37How can you say that?
18:39I've been nothing but supportive.
18:40Oh, yeah, sure.
18:41Clean up the bulletin board.
18:42Fix the door.
18:43Good idea.
18:44You call that supportive?
18:46Yes.
18:48Okay, well, maybe on the outside it does look kind of good, huh?
18:50Yeah.
18:51But what about the schedule?
18:52Who else would put up a fake schedule?
18:55Me.
18:57Larry, I did it.
18:59Larry, why?
19:00Because when your mother was president, I had time to myself.
19:07Time to eat meat and cake and watch kung fu movies, you know?
19:15Now, I'm stuck in the front row with the vagina monologues with a baggie full of trail mix,
19:20and I hate it.
19:21You think you'll stink.
19:22I know.
19:23Hate is not a helping word, and I don't care.
19:26I hate it.
19:28Wow.
19:29This is so good.
19:30Whole family's crazy.
19:34Oh, Mom, I'm so sorry.
19:36Oh, sweetie, that's all right.
19:38You weren't thinking clearly.
19:39You know, I was stuck in the wall.
19:42Oh, well, honey, no one knows better than I the weight of the mantle that is the presidency
19:47of the San Francisco Alternative Educational Cooperative.
19:55You're the most forgiving woman in the whole world.
19:58She sure is.
20:01Come on, Larry.
20:03Okay, but you know, when I said I ate meat, I meant the figurative meat, the meat of life.
20:13All right.
20:14I know a lot has gone on in the past week, and I've made some changes, and I upset some
20:18people, and hurt some feelings, so let's just deal with this right now.
20:28Good night, everyone.
20:29Okay, good night.
20:30Good night, good night.
20:31Yeah, hi.
20:32Uh, listen, I don't mean to be a nudge, but it's been three weeks, and we really need our
20:36door back.
20:39What do you mean, what does it look like?
20:43All right, we'll just bring it back as soon as you find it, okay?
20:47You have our address.
20:48It's on the door.
20:51Hi.
20:52Hey, check it out.
20:53Katie sent me her new CD.
20:55Oh, that was nice.
20:56Look, read the liner notes.
20:57Special thanks, right after Heather for the fruit smoothies, and Derek for walking my
21:01dog.
21:01Greg Montgomery.
21:03The record company, Cave.
21:04They went with our single.
21:05That's great.
21:06You're still fired, right?
21:08Oh, God, yeah.
21:11Dharma, come quick.
21:12The kiln blew up in the erotic pottery workshop, and there are red-hot ceramic penises everywhere.
21:19All right.
21:20Looks like I'm gonna have my hands full.
21:21Go.
21:22Go.
21:22Go.
21:23Go.
21:23Go.
21:24Go.
21:25Go.
21:25Go.
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