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00:00Okay, go slow now. Just a little bit of wait.
00:02Okay.
00:05Another day of this, I'll be ready for the bounce beam.
00:07Exactly.
00:09And watch how I stick the landing.
00:18Kitty.
00:20Mama, I am perfectly happy to bring you to physical therapy,
00:22but I draw the line at playing the Romanian judge.
00:27Oh.
00:28And the crowd goes wild.
00:33Okay.
00:34Now, for walking, I'm gonna give you a nine, okay?
00:37But for making your mother-in-law do the Olympic bit,
00:39I'm only giving you a 6.5 just because, you know, I've seen it before.
00:42Oh.
00:43Fair enough.
00:44Hey, when do you think I'll be ready for a little boom-chicka-boom-chicka-boom-boom-boom?
00:48And by that, I mean sex.
00:50Oh, dear God.
00:52Exactly.
00:53It's been a while since I've yelled a good, oh, dear God.
00:56You know what?
00:57If you're careful, you could probably have sex now.
00:59Okay.
01:00I was gonna wait for my husband, but it has been a while.
01:03All right, it's time to go.
01:06Kitty, you know I only do the bed spring bossa nova with your little boy.
01:09Yes.
01:10Now, here's an idea.
01:11Why don't we take the stairs?
01:13What?
01:14See?
01:15Kitty can make little jokes, too.
01:18Yeah, but yours was way creepy.
01:20Thank you, dear.
01:38So, Larry's on his way to pick me up.
01:39How soon are you going to be home?
01:41I just have to go meet with the insurance adjuster.
01:42Why?
01:43Because I have some really great news that I promised I would not discuss in front of
01:50your mother.
01:52Does this have something to do with something I can't discuss in front of Pete?
01:58Uh-huh.
01:59So, exactly how good is the snooze?
02:03Okay.
02:03Remember the Chinese restaurant down the street that had the kitchen fire, so for a while
02:06you could only order cold noodle dishes?
02:09Okay.
02:11And they were good, but you really had a hankering for that chicken thing you love?
02:17Lemon chicken.
02:19No, lemon chicken was fried in batter.
02:20Uh, mooshu chicken.
02:22You know, it's good as that Kung Pao chicken.
02:26Okay, let's say it's mooshu chicken.
02:29You get to have mooshu chicken again.
02:31You just have to be careful folding the pancakes.
02:36Great.
02:37Um, well, what exactly are the pancakes?
02:43Maybe pancakes is wrong.
02:44What does the lemon chicken come with?
02:46Oh, for heaven's sakes.
02:47You can have sex again.
02:48You just have to be careful.
02:51Thank you, Mother.
02:55My mother just told me we can have sex.
02:58Oh.
02:59My mom won't even have dinner with me.
03:03Get him fast.
03:04Fast as I can.
03:06Hey, Kitty.
03:08Larry.
03:08Dharma, ready to roll?
03:10Mm-hmm, like nobody's business.
03:13Hey, what's the deal with that furniture out by the curb?
03:15You know, the, uh, the chair and stuff?
03:17Oh, it's going to charity, Larry.
03:19Well, that's all very antiseptic.
03:20You just put it out by the curb.
03:21A truck comes by and picks it up.
03:23You get a nice tax deduction without getting your hands dirty or ever having to see the poor.
03:27What is your point, Larry?
03:28Can I have the chair?
03:29Yes, you may.
03:30Cool.
03:31See ya.
03:34Thanks for the lift, Kitty.
03:35I really appreciate it.
03:36Abby's going to give me a ride tomorrow and Greg will give me one tonight.
03:39Yes, yes.
03:40Wink, wink.
03:41Ha-ha.
03:42Bye-bye.
03:43All right.
03:44Just sign here and initial where it says total loss.
03:47Thanks.
03:48And here's everything from your trunk.
03:50Man, you are stocked.
03:52You got your flashlight, your earthquake survival kit, Swiss Army knife, Swiss Army compass.
03:58Are you in the Swiss Army, Greg?
04:01Put that down.
04:03There's an inventory sheet there.
04:05Man, these guys are thorough.
04:07No, we found that taped to the inside of the trunk lid.
04:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:13Can I take a look at the car?
04:15Yeah.
04:15Sure, it's right through here.
04:29Wow.
04:33I don't believe it.
04:34I mean, it was a little country road.
04:35I wasn't even going that fast.
04:38Actually, they estimate you were going between 55 and 60 miles an hour.
04:42What?
04:43Yeah, they measure the skid marks.
04:50Hey, come on, Greg.
04:51It's not that bad.
04:52I've turned in rental cars in worse shape.
05:12Oh, hello there, Finkelstein.
05:14Hey, Ed, come on in.
05:15Is that a chicken coop you're building out there?
05:18Haven't decided yet.
05:19Might be a guest house.
05:21Well, whichever way you go, the license plates are a nice touch.
05:27Uh, listen, Kitty sort of made a mistake about the chair.
05:32I don't think she realized it was my favorite.
05:34Actually, she probably did.
05:38Anyway, I would like it back.
05:39Oh, wow.
05:41Ed, I love this chair.
05:44Look at it.
05:45It looks like it was made for this place.
05:50I understand.
05:51And you brought it all the way over here.
05:52Uh, why don't I buy it back from you?
05:55Hang on.
05:56You don't think I'm shaking you down for money?
05:58Now, don't get insulted here, Finkelstein.
05:59Look, the chair was on the curb.
06:01I took the chair.
06:02And then I asked your wife if I could have it, and she said yes.
06:05It's my chair now.
06:07Your problem is with your wife.
06:09Yes.
06:09And the way I deal with that problem is by pouring myself a scotch and sitting in this chair.
06:19All right, I know what to do.
06:22When I was a kid, I had a dog that ran away, and this other family found it.
06:26And the kid in the other family fell in love with the dog and didn't want to give him up.
06:29So my father put us each on opposite sides of the room, put the dog in the middle, and had
06:33each of us call the dog.
06:38Finkelstein, you're an idiot.
06:40Maybe, or maybe, you're just afraid you're gonna lose.
06:51Oh, no, the cable installer.
06:53And here I am in clothes that could just so easily fall right off.
07:01I'm sorry I'm late.
07:02I stopped at the hardware store.
07:03Ooh, I get it.
07:05The handyman.
07:05Hurry up, let's get going.
07:06I'm expecting a cable installer any minute.
07:09Pick up some stuff to make the place safer for when you start walking.
07:12Oh, so you really went to the hardware store.
07:15Well, we can't be too cautious, darling.
07:17Hey, honey, you know what we should get?
07:18Some of those red bicycle reflectors.
07:21Why?
07:21To put on your butt, because we're gonna be cruising down the highway of love.
07:30Sorry, I guess I could do this later.
07:41Dharma, what exactly did the doctor say?
07:43Oh, it wasn't the doctor, it was Nancy.
07:45Nancy?
07:46Nancy, my physical therapist.
07:47Well, you know, I would feel a lot more comfortable if we got an official okay from Dr. Coleman.
07:54Maybe a list of do's and don'ts.
07:57How about this?
07:58Do whatever you want and don't stop till I say uncle.
08:02Dharma, Dharma.
08:05I love you, and I want to do this more than I ever have,
08:08but I just want to make sure that we're being careful.
08:12Okay.
08:13Okay?
08:14Mm-hmm.
08:15I guess I should probably call your mom and let her know we're postponing sex until tomorrow.
08:20My mother doesn't want to know that.
08:21I know.
08:24Well, you could be this guy.
08:26He's a wizard.
08:27Or this guy.
08:28He's an elf.
08:29And I'm the dungeon master.
08:32Oh, Judas Priest Finkelstein, when you called,
08:35you said you had a solution to the chair problem.
08:37That's what I'm trying to explain.
08:38We play one game, winner keeps the chair.
08:41Hey, if you don't like Dungeons and Dragons, I've got Yahtzee, I've got Operation,
08:47but the nose doesn't light up, so it's kind of in the honor system.
08:50Bigelstein, I'm not going to play some stupid game for my chair.
08:53Oh, look at this.
08:55Stratego.
08:57You've got red guys and blue guys and bombs and flags,
09:01and then you have these little battles,
09:02like he's a six, he's a five, boom, boom, you're dead.
09:08Well, see, now that's reasonable.
09:14Well, it's just a matter of weight distribution and range of motion,
09:17but, you know, without getting bogged down in details.
09:20Hey, bog away.
09:21No one loves to get bogged down in details more than my husband.
09:26She's right, bog away.
09:29All right, um, well, in addition to the medical concerns,
09:32um, you know, I mean, couples have, you know, uh, preferences, and, um...
09:37Can we still do this?
09:42Could you do this before?
09:47I'm a yoga instructor.
09:49Yeah, but he's just a lawyer.
09:52Okay, that's a no.
09:54How about this?
09:55Oh, honey, you remember this one?
09:56Remember how scared the dogs got?
09:59Well, you know, actually, that shouldn't be a problem.
10:02Um, you know, in fact, you know, a lot of these are fine.
10:10Great.
10:11So, honey, do you feel better?
10:12Um, much better.
10:13You just want to avoid things like, you know, this and this and...
10:17Oh, sweet Lord, this.
10:22Ahem.
10:26Wow.
10:27Look at you.
10:28You haven't seen anything yet.
10:32Check this out.
10:37Oh, yeah.
10:49Okay?
10:51Oh, yeah.
11:16Are you comfortable?
11:17Oh, yeah.
11:17Great.
11:19Is your arms your twitchy?
11:20Uh, well, yeah.
11:22You know, it's a nice thing.
11:24Well, Lenny, come on down.
11:28Come down here.
11:38Did I hurt you?
11:39No.
11:40Because you made a noise.
11:41I always make that noise.
11:42It's a good noise.
11:44Well, um, you know, maybe we should agree on some signals so I know the difference between
11:49an O and an O.
11:53You don't think that would spoil the mood at all?
11:56No, it might make things better.
11:58That way I don't have to keep second guessing.
12:04Lenny, we don't need signals.
12:06It's you and me in bed together, remember?
12:12I'm sorry.
12:13You're right.
12:14Come here.
12:20Mmm.
12:21Let's see.
12:21That's exactly what I'm talking about.
12:22Yes.
12:28Good morning, sweetie.
12:29Morning, honey.
12:31Oh, you made coffee.
12:32You betcha I was a...
12:38Mmm, it's good.
12:39Good.
12:41Is it a new blend?
12:43No, same blend.
12:45Oh.
12:45Just made it stronger.
12:48It's good.
12:49Yeah.
12:49Stronger.
12:50Yeah.
12:52Good morning.
12:53Hi.
12:54How are you, Abby?
12:56Well, I better go.
12:57Okay.
12:57Um, I'm sorry about last night, but we are doing the right thing, taking our time.
13:02Shh, absolutely.
13:03Yeah, yeah.
13:03Have fun, like, physical therapy.
13:05Okay.
13:06All right.
13:08Good.
13:10Bye.
13:11Bye.
13:14Bye.
13:14Bye.
13:14Okay.
13:16Something going on, Darma?
13:18No, not really.
13:19I just made the coffee a little stronger.
13:20Greg doesn't want to have sex with me anymore.
13:23Well, you know, they warn people about the dangers of caffeine, but it takes something like
13:27this to make people sit up and take notice.
13:40That's out of the earthquake survival kit from my trunk.
13:45I felt a tremor.
13:49Hey, Pete.
13:51Hi, Abby.
13:51Greg, you have a minute?
13:52Uh, sure.
13:53I guess, uh, Pete, can you give us a minute?
13:55No, no, no, no.
13:56It's nothing like that.
13:58Darma's very upset that you two didn't make love last night.
14:04Okay.
14:07Abby, um, shouldn't this be between me and Darma?
14:10Oh, I think this is one of those it takes a village moment.
14:13No, I don't think it is.
14:14Yeah.
14:15Darma explained to me that you're very concerned about her safety, but she feels you might be
14:20covering up for not finding her attractive.
14:23What?
14:23Mm-hmm.
14:24I told her it could be a lot of things.
14:26I could...
14:27Did you have trouble achieving an erection last night?
14:33Abby, I find...
14:34I find Darma attractive.
14:36You didn't answer the woman's question.
14:42What would make Darma think that I didn't find her attractive?
14:45You know, it's very normal, Greg, because you've been her caregiver, and it's all very
14:49clinical, and that can affect sexual feeling.
14:52I mean, imagine how difficult it was for Larry to dig me as a sexual being after watching
14:57a screaming baby emerge from my vagina.
15:03Okay, Abby, thank you.
15:04I think I know how to handle this.
15:06All righty, good, good.
15:08But if you need to talk about it some more, Greg, you come to me.
15:11You're a lucky man.
15:12Again, not many men have a mother-in-law willing to share sexual experiences.
15:21And now try achieving an erection.
15:27Timeout.
15:28T.O.
15:28You can't call timeout in electric football.
15:30But there's a giant piece of granola bar in the field.
15:33It's a crumb.
15:34Not to them.
15:35You could turn an ankle on that.
15:37But I'm going to take this game back home.
15:39Oh, look, let's just go back to Stratego.
15:41Oh, you wouldn't play a man on the squares.
15:43Look, war isn't fought according to rules printed on the back of a box top.
15:46You're an army man, Ed.
15:47You know that.
15:50Son of a gun.
15:54Are these lawn darts?
15:56Hey, hey, hey.
15:56Not so loud.
15:57They're against the law.
16:01Let's throw some lawn darts, huh?
16:03You're on.
16:04Just give me a minute to get the chickens back in the coop.
16:06Okay.
16:07Hi, boys.
16:08Guys, anyone win the chair yet?
16:12I know we're picking a game.
16:17Larry, you've been at this two days.
16:19If Edward really wants his chair back, don't you think you should give it to him?
16:22No.
16:23It's all right, Abby.
16:24We got an agreement, and we're just working out the details.
16:27See?
16:28Yeah.
16:28Larry, what's the right thing to do here?
16:31Oh, all right.
16:33I'm sorry, Ed.
16:35It's your chair.
16:36You should have it.
16:37I'll help you load it up.
16:40Oh, well, all right.
16:44Hey, Ed, do you want to stay for dinner?
16:46Abby, can Ed eat over?
16:50It's okay with me if it's okay with Kitty.
16:54No, no, no.
16:55I should get going.
16:56I got a lot of things to do.
17:02Edward doesn't seem very happy.
17:04It's my fault, Abby.
17:06I wouldn't let him be the thimble in Monopoly.
17:10Oh, Larry, why did you want to be the thimble?
17:12I didn't.
17:13I just wanted to get it to his head.
17:17A little champagne for m'lady?
17:19Ooh, a m'lady.
17:21How m'lovely.
17:27Mm.
17:28Men make fire.
17:30Honey, I know what you're doing here.
17:33What I'm doing here is spending time with the woman I love.
17:37Okay, I just wish you didn't have to work so hard to get yourself in the mood.
17:41What are you talking about?
17:42The fancy hotel room, the flowers, the fireplace.
17:45Dharma, I'm a guy.
17:47Guys don't need this stuff to get in the mood.
17:50Guys need this stuff to get girls in the mood.
17:57What gets guys in the mood is a beautiful, sexy woman like you.
18:02Okay, did Abby talk to you?
18:04Because I told her not to.
18:05She did, and as phenomenally uncomfortable as it was, I'm glad.
18:11We stumbled a little bit the other night, but you've got to believe it's not because
18:14I don't find you desirable.
18:16Honey, what else could it be?
18:18I mean, you were all excited about sex when we talked on the phone the other night, and
18:21then from the moment you saw me lying there, you did everything you could to avoid me.
18:24What could have possibly happened between the phone call and seeing me?
18:33Man, I hope there weren't people in there.
18:35Dharma, look what I did.
18:39Okay, so you haven't been afraid of hurting me.
18:42You've been afraid of totaling me.
18:48The report said I was reckless.
18:51It was an accident.
18:53Yeah, but I could have killed you.
18:56Honey, I don't care what some report said.
18:59You are not reckless.
19:02Okay, you don't want to talk about reckless.
19:04Let's talk about how many times I've almost killed you.
19:07What?
19:07Oh, yeah.
19:08Remember the egg salad on our picnic at the Presidio?
19:12The curried egg salad?
19:14It wasn't curried.
19:15I left it in the trunk all day.
19:18But what about the time I duct taped the mirror over the bed?
19:21Or what about that stray raccoon I brought home turned out to have rabies?
19:25Remember?
19:25Boamy.
19:30So you're really the problem here.
19:32And I always will be, and don't you forget it.
19:40Hey, look, it's our old back seat.
19:44Gotcha.
19:52Honey, honey?
19:53Yep.
19:54I just meant, hey, look, it's our old back seat.
20:06So do you want to go back to the hotel?
20:08Absolutely.
20:09We got you.
20:10Bye.
20:13Men make fool of self.
20:14A little bit.
20:15Yeah.
20:15Men make fool of self.
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