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00:00You know what I love most about wine tasting?
00:02The free wine.
00:04The spitting. Where else can you go where they actually encourage spitting?
00:09Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
00:12Something tells me you didn't spit as much as I did today.
00:16That's because I'm a lady.
00:19Wasn't that tour amazing?
00:21I had no idea that the same grape was used to make Burgundy, Chablis, and Puy Fruisset.
00:25Ooh, that's one big-ass grape!
00:30I was also surprised to learn that a wine need only contain 75% of the varietal to carry that
00:35name.
00:38I wonder who regulates that.
00:39Is it a government thing or a vintners association?
00:43Or a big corduroy pancake and a hey nonny nonny?
00:48Damn it, that alligator will snap at you.
00:51Get back in the van.
01:00Get back in the van.
01:02Get back home.
01:18Tell me!
01:24I wonder if they Bowie never!
01:25I'm only in van.
01:26The other neighbour I get home!
01:26Get back home, I haven't, but they're just all dogs!
01:28Fearless
01:29Goyentaman! Fearless
01:36And that's why Cabernet Sauvignon is more tannic than Milot.
01:42Whoa.
01:44I know, you'd think it'd be the other way around.
01:47Craig, you definitely want to have kids, right?
01:52What?
01:53You want to have kids.
01:54Uh, sure, but when the time's right?
01:58Good.
02:00What brought that on?
02:02I just met our baby.
02:05What are you talking about?
02:08Are you pregnant?
02:09Not yet.
02:13You see, that's why you're supposed to spit the wine.
02:33So, how are things going with you two?
02:37Everything's fine.
02:38You're getting along all right.
02:41We're very happy, Mother.
02:42We just had sex in your driveway.
02:47The point is, we're doing fine.
02:49Why do you ask, Mother?
02:50No reason.
02:50I'm just making conversation.
02:52Just tell her you're going to stay married so she can go ahead with the damn family portrait.
02:55Edward.
02:56Mother.
02:56Gregory, I have two years of perfectly good photos of you and that Barbara woman you were engaged to.
03:03Now, what am I supposed to do with those?
03:05You can paste my face over hers.
03:07I considered it, but I'm afraid your head's too big.
03:11In any event, I booked a wonderful photographer the 14th of next month.
03:15I want everyone in pastels.
03:18Clothing?
03:19Preferably.
03:21Oh.
03:22No, wait a minute.
03:23No, the 14th's no good.
03:25Why not?
03:26That's prime baby-making time.
03:28I'll be ripe as a brown banana.
03:30Why don't you try to have a baby?
03:32Congratulations.
03:33How about that, Grandma?
03:38Didn't you tell them?
03:39No, I figured we'd wait till the wrong time here at dinner.
03:43Well, this is quite a surprise, Gregory.
03:45Well, you know, the timing seems right.
03:48We've been married almost three years.
03:50We both love kids, and, you know, now that I'm working for myself, I have a more flexible schedule.
03:55Aren't you going to tell them about my vision of the flying baby?
03:57No.
04:01So, we spent the afternoon in Napa.
04:03She had quite a bit to drink.
04:04I'm not much of a spitter.
04:06Anyway, when we were driving home, I had this beautiful visitation from this happy, happy soul just waiting to be
04:14born into our family.
04:16Did you bring any of that wine back?
04:19The point is, this seems like the right time for us to start a family.
04:23Which is probably why that soul chose us.
04:25Anyway, if you want to do the photograph in the afternoon, Greg and I can do a quick wing-day
04:30noodle in the morning.
04:33And then I can just keep my legs up in the air on the drive over.
04:38Okay, then, pastels it is.
04:42Oh, introduction to numerology has been moved from 203 to 206.
04:46They'll explain why when you get there.
04:49Dharma, I'm going to have to go out and get more ice.
04:51Why? What's going on?
04:52You schedule release your inner caveman next to the women's self-defense class.
04:56We're getting a lot of kick testicles up on the second floor.
05:01What was I thinking there?
05:03Dharma, good.
05:04Hi.
05:05Hi.
05:06Wait, wait.
05:07Don't say a word.
05:12Nope, not yet.
05:13Yeah, I know.
05:14Oh, well.
05:14This will help.
05:16I whipped you up a couple of fertility smoothies, his and hers.
05:19Now, I drew little fallopian tubes on yours, so you want to mix them up?
05:23Hey, who's this little three-legged guy?
05:26Oh, that's for you.
05:27He's a Polynesian fertility god.
05:31Oh, yeah, now I see it.
05:32Yeah.
05:34Keep it on my side of the bed so it doesn't intimidate Greg.
05:38Oh, Dharma, isn't it amazing the way the universe works?
05:41My field is going fallow, just as yours is being plowed.
05:49Wait a minute.
05:50What are you saying?
05:52Are you men of Basel?
05:54I am a crone.
05:55My mother's a crone!
05:58Oh, Abby, I'm so happy for you.
06:01Ice!
06:01Ice!
06:02Ice!
06:03Ice, ice.
06:04Oh, ice.
06:08Hey, I was over at the courthouse.
06:09I thought I'd see if you wanted to get some lunch.
06:11Oh, yeah, sure.
06:12Just give me a minute.
06:13Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
06:16Sure.
06:18You and Jane ever talk about kids?
06:20Oh, yeah.
06:22Yeah, Jane wants to have kids someday.
06:24Although I don't get the sense it's with me.
06:28Hey, I heard about the flying baby.
06:31I think that's just Dharma's subconscious maternal instincts coming out in a dream.
06:36Yeah, sure, sure.
06:37You got to think that.
06:40But, you know, logically, it's a good time.
06:43You know, we've been married almost three years.
06:45My practice is starting to take off.
06:46I mean, that's not to say that I'm not a little scared, but that's natural.
06:52It's a big change for me.
06:53Oh, yeah.
06:54I know what you mean.
06:55Hey, buddy, can I ask you a favor?
06:57Sure.
06:57What do you need?
06:58A job.
07:01You quit?
07:03Yeah, yeah.
07:03The boss came in today and he quit me.
07:07Did he say why?
07:09Probably.
07:09I don't know.
07:10I wasn't listening.
07:12So what do you say, huh?
07:14You and me?
07:15Partners?
07:15Partners?
07:18Wow.
07:21It's tempting.
07:21It's just, you know, it's a really small office.
07:25It's not like I'm going to be there that much, right?
07:28Dude, you know, I think I need some time to think about it.
07:32What's to think about?
07:33I'm a stand-up guy?
07:34Yeah.
07:35Bring a lot of class to your organization.
07:37Well, of course you would.
07:39Here, carry out my coat and act natural.
07:51Hi, sweetie.
07:52Hi.
07:54Drink.
07:58Not bad.
07:59What is it?
08:00It's an herbal smoothie my mom made.
08:02Yours improves sperm motility and mine adjusts the alkalinity of my uterus.
08:09But you'll drink it just for the taste of it.
08:13Are we still ovulating?
08:15If I was a chicken, you'd take me to a state fair.
08:19Hey, good news.
08:19Abby entered menopause.
08:21Oh.
08:22Well.
08:23How about that?
08:25Here we go.
08:26Can we send a card or a fruit basket or...
08:30An empty fruit basket?
08:33She doesn't want us to make a big deal out of it.
08:35We'll just have a little dinner, burn the menstrual hut, sing the menopause song.
08:40Simple's always best.
08:42Have you, uh...
08:44Have you talked to Jane today?
08:46No, what?
08:47Pete asked me for a job.
08:49Oh, that'll be fun.
08:51You two working together like old times.
08:53I said no, I'm not gonna hire him.
08:56Why not?
08:58Honey, Pete went to law school in Barbados.
09:01He flunked the bar exam eight times.
09:03Once, because he was so hungover, he threw up on it.
09:08He's your friend.
09:09Can't you help him?
09:10Can't you make him a better lawyer?
09:12I couldn't make Pete a better lawyer with parts from other lawyers.
09:19Hey.
09:20Hey, come on in.
09:22So did Greg tell you what he did to Pete today?
09:25Jane, I'm really sorry about this.
09:27How's Pete doing?
09:28How do you think he's doing?
09:29He was fired.
09:30He was humiliated by his best friend.
09:31And then when he comes home, I rip him a new one for being such a loser.
09:37Where is he now?
09:38Well, he was pretty upset, so he went down to the Indian casino to play pie gal poker.
09:42Oh, that's nice.
09:44They let him back in the casino.
09:47Anyway, do you think your husband could get off his high horse long enough to write him
09:51a letter of recommendation to Harper Levine?
09:53They offered him a job?
09:54Not yet, but Pete owes Harper a lot of money.
09:56I'm sure he'd like to see him employed.
10:01Greg would be happy to.
10:02No, Greg would not.
10:03That firm throws a lot of business my way, and I'm not going to jeopardize my relationship
10:07with them.
10:07No, why don't we just talk about this alone?
10:08There's nothing to talk about.
10:10I'll talk to him.
10:12Thanks, Darma.
10:13You're a good friend.
10:21Darma, I don't want to discuss this.
10:23Greg, all she wants is a letter of recommendation.
10:24Which could have a negative impact on my practice, and we can't afford that now that we're trying
10:28to have a baby.
10:29Yeah, I know we're trying to have a baby.
10:31I'm the one who saw the baby fly by the car.
10:34I'm not writing that letter.
10:36You have to.
10:36No, I don't.
10:37Fine.
10:37Be a jerk.
10:38Now, come on, let's go.
10:39Where?
10:40Hello?
10:40We have to have sex.
10:42Oh, can't wait.
10:43Right back at you.
10:48Hi.
10:48Hey, Greg.
10:49Darma here?
10:50Yeah, she's taking an ovulation test.
10:52Yeah.
10:53I'll never ovulate again.
10:56Yeah, I didn't mention that.
10:59Congratulations.
11:00Now you can see how the other half lives.
11:03Are you saying I'm becoming a man?
11:05No.
11:06No.
11:07I just meant, Darma, your mother's here.
11:10Sorry, Greg.
11:11All my friends said Cronwood was a time of wisdom and serenity.
11:15What a boatload of woo-woo crap that is.
11:19You know, my mother went to see a terrific doctor who really helped her out.
11:24Helped all of us out.
11:26Are you saying menopause is a disease?
11:29No.
11:30No.
11:33Darma, did you hear me?
11:36Great.
11:37There's your fertility herbs.
11:39I made them extra strong.
11:41So get on it.
11:42I want to be a grandma.
11:46Is she gone?
11:46No, it's just not fair.
11:48Oh, come on, Greg.
11:49I spent the whole day with her.
11:50She threw a potato at me.
11:52Here, she brought us another batch.
11:54Oh, good, because the urine stick says I'm good to go.
11:57Oh, you romantic fool.
12:00Over the lips and through the gums.
12:02Look out of them.
12:03Here it comes.
12:03Darma, that's getting old.
12:05Sorry.
12:10Listen, I know this has gotten a little mechanical, but I just want you to know that I think you
12:15are very sexy, and there's no one else in the whole world that I'd rather make love with.
12:19Hey, you had me at urine stick.
12:25Oh, God, she's back.
12:25Okay, I'm not here.
12:26No, no, no, it's your turn.
12:31Hi, Darma.
12:31Oh, thank God.
12:34Did you write a letter of recommendation for me to Harper Levine?
12:37Yeah, Darma talked me into it.
12:39Oh, I just pointed out that he was being a jerk.
12:41He took it from there.
12:44Well, thanks a lot.
12:45Now they got two letters of recommendation from Greg Montgomery.
12:50What?
12:51You said you weren't going to do it, so I wrote one for you.
12:54You forged my signature?
12:55Yeah, and then your letter shows up.
12:57How do you think that makes me look?
13:00Are you trying to say that this is my fault?
13:03You swore you weren't going to help me, and then you go back on your word.
13:06Your dishonesty has cost me a job.
13:10It's the last time I asked you for a recommendation.
13:14Do you believe that guy?
13:16You should have written it right away.
13:17I shouldn't have written it at all.
13:19You know what?
13:20Let's talk about this later.
13:21Right now, we have to have sex.
13:22Sex now?
13:23Are you kidding?
13:24Greg, we've got a baby waiting to be born.
13:25Let's get busy.
13:26Darma, I'm not in the mood for sex.
13:29All right, but we're not done with the beat thing.
13:33No, no, no, no.
13:34Now it's drooping on the left.
13:37Edward Montgomery, do not crease those pants.
13:39I want to sit down.
13:41You should have thought of that before you put your pants on.
13:43Is that the tie that I picked out for you?
13:45No, I think so.
13:46Look at the flowers and tell me if I would have picked out that tie.
13:51Hello?
13:52Mother?
13:53We're in here.
13:53Now, my daughter-in-law is a little gangly, so she's going to need some of your magic.
14:02Oh, my God.
14:04I told you she'd notice.
14:07My tie goes with them.
14:09You're orange.
14:11Yeah, a little.
14:13See, we've been pounding back my mom's fertility herbs, and I think the last batch was pretty
14:16heavy on the beta carotene.
14:17It's actually gotten a lot better.
14:18Oh, yeah, you should have seen us this morning.
14:20We looked like the last two Cheetos in the bag.
14:24And you were afraid she'd show up in some kind of a wacky hat.
14:28Hey, I hope we're not late.
14:30The pastel thing threw us for a loop.
14:35All right, now, if everyone can stand a smidge closer...
14:38We're close enough.
14:39Let's get it over with.
14:41Look, Kitty, if Dharma misunderstood and you don't want us in your family picture,
14:45just say the word.
14:46It's fine, Larry.
14:48It's not as if anybody's ever going to see any of these photographs.
14:51So it's more like conceptual art.
14:53I can dig that.
14:55I haven't heard anything about my tie in a while.
15:00Abby, are you feeling okay?
15:01Oh, I'm fine.
15:03Does she look pale, too?
15:05Everybody looks pale to me.
15:08No, maybe you should sit down.
15:10Oh, here, take my seat.
15:11No, that's not really necessary.
15:14Oh, I didn't, Chris.
15:17There, that's better.
15:19Our two post-menopausal crones side-by-side.
15:22Oh, boy, you're in for a joyride.
15:25Take the damn picture.
15:27Okay, everybody, smile.
15:29I'm not menopausal.
15:30I'm pregnant.
15:35Oh, Abby, this is so wonderful.
15:38The flying baby has landed.
15:39I just had the wrong womb.
15:41Oh, yeah.
15:42Now, you're sure you're pregnant?
15:44Oh, I saw a doctor this morning.
15:46A real doctor?
15:49I don't understand.
15:50Aren't you excited?
15:51Well, it's a bit of a shock.
15:54I mean, we weren't even trying.
15:56I should hope not.
15:58You're as old as I am.
16:01Almost.
16:06Yeah, that's him, all right.
16:09Hiya, there.
16:10Remember me?
16:11You flew by my car.
16:14I just want you to know
16:15I'm gonna be a great sister.
16:17And I usually don't drink that much.
16:23Oh, wow.
16:25I'm gonna have a baby.
16:27You're gonna have a baby, Abby.
16:30Oh.
16:32Well, better you than me.
16:38Wing tip.
16:39Loafer.
16:40Penny loafer.
16:42Boot.
16:42Cowboy boot.
16:43Work boot.
16:45Should we do something?
16:48Hiking boot.
16:54Hiking boot.
16:55Ski boot.
16:57Ski ball.
16:58Baseball.
16:59Football.
17:00Larry, listen to me.
17:01You're going to have a baby.
17:03You're going to bring a new life
17:05into the world.
17:06This is a great thing.
17:09Foosball.
17:12Foosball.
17:13Wiffle ball.
17:14Dodge ball.
17:16Ford ball.
17:17Chrysler ball.
17:18I saw a lot of this in the Army.
17:21Combat?
17:22No, when the guys would get
17:23the local girls pregnant,
17:24they'd snap like dry twigs.
17:27Dry twigs.
17:28Dry rot.
17:29Dry mouth.
17:30Dry heaves.
17:31Dry run.
17:32Dry doc.
17:33Dr. Spock.
17:34Mr. Spock.
17:35Captain Kirk.
17:36Kirk Douglas.
17:38Douglas Fairbanks.
17:39Baked Alaska.
17:56You okay?
17:58Yeah, I guess.
18:04I just thought we were going to have a baby.
18:07You know, we can still have a baby.
18:10What baby would we have?
18:12What?
18:13Greg, Abby's having the baby.
18:15I understand that, but we could have a different baby.
18:19Who's this baby you're talking about?
18:22Let me start again, Dharma.
18:25Do you want to have a baby?
18:27Absolutely.
18:29Do you want to have one now?
18:32I don't know.
18:36But if another baby flies by, I'm ready.
18:39Oh, sure.
18:40That, that's a given.
18:43But in the meantime, it's nice being just us.
18:49Yes, it is.
18:51I love you, orange man.
18:53I love you, too.
18:56Pumpkin.
18:59You want to fool around?
19:03No, not really.
19:04Oh, good, because I got to take a rest.
19:06Come here.
19:18This is nice.
19:20Yes, it is.
19:26Okay, I'm rested.
19:27How about you?
19:28The orange thing's kind of working for me.
19:31Oh, Abby, that's wonderful.
19:34Great.
19:35Okay, call me if you need anything.
19:37All right.
19:38I love you, too.
19:39Okay, bye.
19:40What'd the doctor say?
19:41Abby's doing great.
19:43How about your dad?
19:44Oh, much better.
19:45His color's coming back.
19:46He's keeping food down.
19:48He recognized the mailman this morning.
19:49That's good.
19:51Hey, partner.
19:53Hey, do you mind if we take your car today?
19:55Mine's got a boot on it.
19:59He's my friend.
20:00He's your friend.
20:08We'll take my car.
20:10You boys have fun.
20:12Hey, buddy, I might have to leave a little early today.
20:14Why?
20:15What's going on?
20:16Oh, so that's the way it's going to be, huh?
20:22Have a nice day.
20:23Oh, so that's the way it's going to be, huh?
20:26Oh, so that's the way it's going to be, huh?
20:28Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:28Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:28Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:29Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:29Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:30Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:30Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:31Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:32Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:37Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
20:44Oh, so that's the way it's going to be.
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