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مسلسل New Girl مترجم - Episode 1
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00:01So you know in horror movies when the girl's like, oh my god, there's something in the basement
00:06Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark and you're like
00:10What is your problem? Call the police and she's like, okay, but it's too late because she's already getting murdered
00:16Well, uh, my story is kind of like that
00:20It's a surprise for Spencer. I'm just gonna walk in and I'm gonna drop my coat on the ground
00:25He says he has this fantasy that I'm a stripper with a heart of gold and he's helping me put
00:31myself through college
00:32He didn't say the college part did he? Um, no, I want to create a three-dimensional sex character. Really?
00:38What's your stripper name?
00:41Rebecca Johnson your stripper name's Rebecca Johnson boobies Johnson
00:47Two boobs Johnson look at you in the back of the cab totally naked. I am so proud of you
00:58Hello I came home early. Yes, what? Who's chess?
01:05You're talking to
01:08Tiger boobs
01:11The bub-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh
01:15I'm doing sexy things with the pillow
01:19It just she's doing sexy stuff to the plant right? Oh, okay. I'll pick that up
01:25Later.
01:27Who's that girl?
01:29Who's that girl?
01:35It's Jess.
01:43So, that happened.
01:45That's why I need a new apartment.
01:48I'm sorry, what was the question again?
01:52Do you have any pets?
01:55Who's that girl?
01:56Who's that girl?
01:58Who's that girl?
02:00It's Jess.
02:05You know what's funny?
02:06When I saw your ad on Craigslist,
02:09I thought you were women.
02:12That's funny.
02:13Why would you think that? That's crazy.
02:15I mean, Schmidt wrote the ad.
02:17Oh, I guess it was something about the words he used.
02:19It was like, uh, like,
02:22sun-soaked and
02:23beige-y.
02:25Okay.
02:26What are you doing?
02:29What about these?
02:30Do these look beige-y to you?
02:31Sorry. I'm a trainer, so, uh,
02:34it's kind of the house that Coach built right here.
02:36What are we looking at here? That's Baby Smooth.
02:38This is LLS.
02:39Ladies love Schmidt.
02:41What? What did you just say?
02:42Go put a dollar in the drawer right now.
02:44Are you serious?
02:45Yeah. Now.
02:46Damn it.
02:48LLS, what's wrong with you?
02:50This place is beautiful.
02:52It gets so much light.
02:54Spencer hated light.
02:56It's hard to say his name.
02:58It's okay.
02:58Nick knows.
02:59He got dumped.
03:00Dumped.
03:01Yeah, I got dumped.
03:03I can't hear you.
03:04That means we're not breaking up.
03:05Yes, we're breaking up.
03:05We can't break up if I can't hear you.
03:06I'm breaking up with you.
03:07I need some time away.
03:09Yeah, I got dumped.
03:11She dumped me.
03:13And I'm over it.
03:14Okay, it was six months ago, guys.
03:16Get past it.
03:17I don't even know why we're still talking about it.
03:19Why is everybody looking at me?
03:25You know what?
03:26I want to live here.
03:27Actually, I still have some questions.
03:29I mean, like, no offense, but we barely know you.
03:32Yeah, okay, yeah.
03:33So, um, full disclosure, I'm kind of emotional right now
03:37because of the breakup, so I'll probably be watching Dirty Dancing
03:40at least six or seven times a day.
03:43Um, I'm a teacher, so I bring home a lot of Popsicle sticks,
03:47stuff like that.
03:48Also, I like to sing to myself a lot.
03:51A lot.
03:53I'm tired of living with my friend.
03:55She's a model.
03:56All our friends are models.
03:58Uh, how soon can you move in?
04:00Actually, Schmidt, slow up.
04:02Okay, uh, can you give us a second?
04:03I've just got to talk to my boys.
04:05My boys is not a thing for my bros.
04:08Douchebag jar.
04:08For what?
04:09For my bros.
04:10I'm gonna say yes.
04:11Her friends are models.
04:13Okay, you guys?
04:14Models.
04:14I say no.
04:15I need to be able to come home from work, sit on my couch,
04:18and let my beans out.
04:19Let them breathe.
04:20Nick, it's all you, buddy.
04:23Well, first, let me say, I think you guys make some really interesting points.
04:26Points that I respect, but I will say this.
04:28I have lived with a woman, Caroline, as you guys know,
04:30and so I know that there are pros, and I know that there are real cons, guys.
04:33Nick, you're weak!
04:34Okay, pro.
04:35They smell nice.
04:37Cons.
04:37Every once in a while, the mood changes, and you're not sure why.
04:41They'll ruin your life if you let them.
04:42They'll break down your will to live.
04:45Pros, they're really good at folding.
04:46Make a decision!
04:47I'm sorry, you know, but, like, another pro, like, when you, like...
04:49Oh, don't do it.
04:50Put it down.
04:51Don't, don't hood me.
04:53You guys don't know what you're talking about.
04:53Don't hood me.
04:54Please don't hood me.
04:55I know what I'm talking about.
04:56Okay.
04:57Push them too hard.
04:57We did push them too hard.
04:58How about this?
04:59Executive decision.
05:00She's in.
05:01Yay!
05:01I'm in!
05:08You are not gonna regret this.
05:21Help!
05:23Help!
05:24What have you done, Schmidt?
05:31I gotta go, Mom.
05:33No, I'm not watching Dirty Dancing.
05:37No.
05:37I don't think so.
05:39Hey, are you gonna murder me because you're a stranger I met on the internet?
05:42Yes, I am.
05:43He says no.
05:45No, look, I gotta go.
05:47Okay.
05:47Alright, love you.
05:48Bye!
05:49So the Wild West party is on Saturday.
05:51I'm trying to get us in, but...
05:53You may need to call Caroline.
05:55I'm not calling Caroline.
05:55Now hear me out.
05:56Shh!
05:57We are in this situation because of you.
06:03I hate your face, Spencer.
06:05I love you.
06:05It has been a week of this madness.
06:08I'm going crazy, Schmidt.
06:09I can't take it.
06:10You know what?
06:10I got this.
06:15Bye, Coach.
06:17Stop it.
06:20Stop.
06:20Stop.
06:22Schmidt?
06:23Okay.
06:24Alright.
06:25I got us into this.
06:26I'm gonna get us out.
06:27Jess, I'm gonna take the remote.
06:29Alright.
06:31Alright.
06:31Hey, Jess.
06:32How you doing?
06:34You look fantastic.
06:37Listen, what if you came out with us tonight?
06:39You know after work.
06:40You know, we'll fix you up.
06:41We'll take you out.
06:42We'll get you a rebound.
06:44A rebound?
06:45Yeah.
06:47I don't know if I'm ready or not.
06:49You're totally ready for it.
06:50I'll take you through the whole thing.
06:51You know, I'll be like your guide.
06:55Like Gandalf through Middle Earth?
06:57Probably not like...
06:58Okay.
06:59First of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references.
07:02Let's put him in a deep, dark cave.
07:04Okay?
07:04Where no one's gonna find him.
07:05Ever.
07:05Except Smeagol.
07:07He lives in a cave.
07:09You know what, Jess?
07:09Come on.
07:10Let's just take the head off the couch.
07:13Come on.
07:13Sit up, girl.
07:14Here you go.
07:15Look at that.
07:16Doesn't that feel good?
07:17There we go.
07:19I think that sounds nice.
07:22She's going out to find a rebound.
07:26Who's that girl?
07:27It's Jess.
07:29Wait.
07:30Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?
07:33I'm gonna fix it.
07:35I'm not calling my ex-girlfriend to get you into a party.
07:38This party is everything to me.
07:40Please, Nick.
07:41We go every year.
07:42You have no idea what I'm going through at work.
07:45I'm just trying to do my work.
07:46I'm trying to do a good job here.
07:48Nice tie.
07:49Can I borrow a tampon?
07:50Come on.
07:53Schmidt, I'm not calling her.
07:55Listen to me.
07:56Knowing every year that I will be going to the Wild Wild West charity auction for poverty
08:00reminds me that I'm still a man.
08:02And I can still motorboat a hot girl who is also a member of the Cherokee Nation.
08:07Which is not racist because it is for a good cause.
08:10Somebody's in here.
08:11We're leaving in 10 minutes.
08:12Did you shave your legs?
08:13I will now.
08:15Front and backs?
08:16Yes.
08:18I'm gonna kill myself now.
08:19Just call Caroline.
08:20You call her all the time when you're drunk.
08:22I don't know to what you are referring.
08:24Hello Caroline.
08:26I still love you.
08:28So much.
08:32So much.
08:34I'm not calling her.
08:36Schmidt, I know you really want to go to this party.
08:38But wouldn't it be better to find a girl who you really care about to motorboat?
08:43Then maybe, if you're super lucky, you might find a girl who'll motorboat you right back.
08:50I don't think she knows what motorboating is.
08:53Jess, we are leaving in five.
08:56Hey.
08:57Hey coach, what's...
09:00Alright.
09:03My boss says that I don't know how to talk to women.
09:07Which is ridiculous.
09:08Women!
09:09Man!
09:10Oh!
09:11No!
09:12You're so mean!
09:13I'm not me!
09:14I'm trying to help you!
09:15I'm trying to help you!
09:17I was wondering if you could help me out with that.
09:20Sure.
09:20Sure.
09:21Absolutely.
09:23Um...
09:24Well, first of all, maybe think about what women like to talk about.
09:27You know, like...
09:28Use me for practice.
09:30Alright.
09:32Um...
09:33Shopping.
09:34Is that fun?
09:36For you guys?
09:37Yeah.
09:38Shopping's fun.
09:39Uh, the other day I bought a pair of jeggings.
09:42They look like jeans, but they're really leggings.
09:46Uh...
09:47Uh...
09:48You...
09:50I...
09:52Who cares?!
09:53Sorry.
09:56Um...
09:57Good job.
09:59A couple things you could work on.
10:01Uh...
10:02One...
10:03Lowering your voice.
10:04Right on.
10:05Um...
10:06Two...
10:07Listening.
10:08Uh...
10:09Three...
10:10Rage.
10:11Absolutely.
10:12Um...
10:12Four...
10:13Your hair is on fire.
10:20Beers and a rosé.
10:22Pink wine makes me...
10:25Slutty.
10:26Whoa!
10:27Cute guy alert!
10:32Okay.
10:32Jess.
10:33Game time.
10:34Let's do this.
10:35You wanna forget about Spencer?
10:36You're gonna have to do some very, very bad things.
10:40With that man.
10:41Right over there.
10:43How bad?
10:44Real bad, Jess.
10:46Real bad.
10:47Like a make-out sesh.
10:49No tops.
10:50Okay.
10:51This is what...
10:51This is what's gonna happen.
10:53You're gonna go over there.
10:54You're gonna stand next to him.
10:56And you're gonna smile.
10:58You're not gonna smile like that.
11:01You look like a hungry badger.
11:04Stop that.
11:05Okay, I got this.
11:06I got this.
11:07You got it.
11:07You just go make it out.
11:09Get him up!
11:09Grind it out!
11:10Go do it!
11:10Grind it out!
11:11Ha ha!
11:12Ha ha!
11:16Hey, sailor.
11:19Oh, alright.
11:20That's okay.
11:21Maybe you didn't hear that.
11:21You can come back from that.
11:22Maybe you didn't hear that.
11:23You're all good.
11:23Holy Schmidt!
11:25It's Schmidt!
11:26Oh, it is all about the Benjamin!
11:29That's all!
11:30What's up, man?
11:30Alright, P-punk.
11:32What's up, dude?
11:32This is Coach.
11:33What's up, Coach?
11:40You like parties?
11:42Don't talk to me.
11:43Yeah, okay.
11:44You know who likes to party hard, right?
11:45Yeah.
11:45So you coming on Saturday?
11:47I hear there's gonna be some fine ladies there.
11:49Maybe, yeah.
11:50I heard it's not gonna be that good this year.
11:51No?
11:52Are you not on the list?
11:53Man, I'm on the list.
11:55You know that.
11:55That sucks, man.
11:57Keep your head up, alright?
11:59Alright, hi, player.
12:00Do your thing, man.
12:01It was good seeing you.
12:01Take your sleeves.
12:02Alright, man.
12:03P-funk, always.
12:04Nick, please.
12:05Why are you friends with those guys?
12:06Nick, please get me in the party.
12:08I'm begging you, please.
12:09No, I'm not calling Caroline.
12:10Do you know what a cute cowboy I am?
12:12Do you have any idea?
12:15Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
12:17I don't think you're trying that hard.
12:19Well, I've never really been great at this stuff, so...
12:22What if God was one of us?
12:26Megan, stop!
12:27Just to stop like one of us.
12:32Look at us.
12:33Couple of losers.
12:34We both got dumped.
12:36Geeesh.
12:37I'm fine.
12:38Six months ago, so...
12:40Do you know why she dumped you?
12:41I mean, she must have hurt you pretty bad.
12:43No, no, it made no difference to me.
12:45I just wanted to set her trash cans on fire.
12:46So you were always just, like, wondering, like, what was it?
12:49Was there something I could have done differently?
12:53You know what happens to people who keep it all inside?
12:55They get old, and they get sad, and they get weird,
12:58and then you're the old man, and you're yelling at the kids
13:01who are running across your yard, and you're telling them,
13:03don't run across my yard.
13:04My life's filled with regret.
13:07You know, you can't just pretend like it didn't happen.
13:11Or I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow,
13:16and drive a unicorn around, and just sing all the time.
13:19Yeah, I think you should sing all the time.
13:22No, I was being mean.
13:23I'm not gonna do that, Jess.
13:24Why not?
13:24It's fun.
13:26Because I have a penis.
13:27My name is Nick, I have a penis, and I'm not gonna let any feelings out.
13:33Okay, Jess, your left boob is resting on a plate of chicken wings.
13:37Yeah, I know.
13:42Hey, I'm Peter.
13:44What are you drinking?
13:46I'll have another pink wine.
13:48I like your glasses.
13:50They help me see.
13:53She's doing all right.
13:56Schmidstein!
13:57Hey, man.
13:58I was thinking it's probably better that you don't come to the party.
14:01That means more breasts for me.
14:04You better step down, son.
14:05You're taking this whole thing too far.
14:06I'm serious.
14:07Hold me back, coach.
14:07I'm serious.
14:08Hold me back.
14:09Hold me back.
14:10Coach, would you please hold me back?
14:12Schmid, we're going to the party.
14:14Relax.
14:14Nice.
14:15See you there, Schmidty.
14:16Totally, Broseph.
14:17Yeah, I texted Caroline.
14:19You text Caroline.
14:21It's no big deal.
14:21It's behind me.
14:23It's in the past, so...
14:24I love you very much.
14:25Yeah, there it is.
14:27Did you just kiss my arm a little?
14:29I bet I did.
14:29Felt right.
14:30So I'll see you tomorrow, sailor.
14:32Yeah, cool.
14:33I'll call it cool.
14:35What's happening tomorrow, sailor?
14:36You know what?
14:37You guys were totally right.
14:38I talked in short sentences.
14:40I didn't sing.
14:42I laughed.
14:42I smiled.
14:42I said I need rebound sex.
14:44And it totally worked.
14:45He asked me out.
14:48Dinner.
14:49With food.
14:51I'm so proud of you.
14:52You got it, girl.
14:53You did good.
14:53Yeah, you put it in.
14:56It's just...
14:57She's on fire!
15:01She's on fire!
15:02Oh!
15:03It's a big-ass panty.
15:05Alright, should we tell her?
15:06I think we let her out for a moment.
15:19Do the shoes fit, Jess?
15:22I'm okay!
15:23What are you, a model or something?
15:26Yeah.
15:28Yes.
15:28Mostly print right now, so...
15:31Who's it?
15:31Cece?
15:32Cecilia?
15:35Cecilia?
15:36Tell me, what are your hopes and dreams?
15:38You know, are you warm?
15:38I'm a little...
15:39I'm a little warm right now.
15:41Don't, Schmidt.
15:41Alright.
15:43Oh yeah, there it is.
15:45Please put your shirt back on.
15:48Please don't make me laugh at you.
15:49Can I hit you up with some tea?
15:51A little herb tea?
15:53Ugh.
15:54Oh my God.
15:55How good is that?
15:56For real what?
15:57A little piment tea?
15:59Yum, right?
16:00A little hot, sweet.
16:02A little teabag action.
16:05And I wasn't...
16:07I wasn't talking about...
16:09There it is.
16:11Dish bag.
16:11Listen to me, you guys.
16:13Jess is by far the best person that I know,
16:16so if you guys let anything happen to her,
16:18I'm gonna come here and crazy murder you.
16:23I'm gonna be honest with you.
16:24I did not hear a word that you just said,
16:27because I can kind of see your party hats right now.
16:29Here you go.
16:30Jess!
16:31Um...
16:32Yeah.
16:33Why are you talking like this?
16:38It fell off my heels.
16:40Okay, alright.
16:41No, come on.
16:42Get up.
16:43Oh, what am I doing?
16:44I can't go on a date.
16:45What if it's horrible?
16:46What if I have nothing to talk about?
16:48Then you go to the bathroom, and you call me,
16:50and you tell me all about it.
16:52Maybe I just shouldn't go.
16:54Babe, you got hurt.
16:56That doesn't mean you stopped trying.
16:58Okay?
16:59Okay, let's go.
17:01Come on.
17:06You gotta take off those overalls.
17:08I was going for like a...
17:10like a hot farmer's daughter kind of thing.
17:13You know, like...
17:14Oh, I'm going to go milk my cows with my bucket.
17:19Take them off.
17:21Okay.
17:21Okay.
17:22What am I going to wear?
17:35Wow.
17:37Thanks, Coach.
17:42And then she does that.
17:45I'm going to text him, tell him I'm headed over.
17:48Wait, have you been texting him?
17:49Is that bad?
17:52No.
17:53It's nice.
17:55Have a good night.
17:56This is going to be great.
17:59Coach, you don't look anything like an Indian.
18:02Look, man, I got your back.
18:03You got to have mine, too.
18:04Coach, I got your back.
18:05No, Nick.
18:06I want to hear it from him.
18:07Coach, what sort of Indian wear flight shorts?
18:10Excuse me.
18:10Is, uh, Caroline...
18:11I'm looking for Caroline.
18:12We're supposed to be on some lists.
18:13Hey, Nick!
18:18Sorry, I'm wearing this stupid thing.
18:20Shit made me do it.
18:22Thank you so much for getting us in.
18:23Yeah, no problem.
18:24Um, maybe to pay me back you can stop prank calling me.
18:28What?
18:28Uh, hello, Caroline.
18:31I still love y'all, too.
18:33Yeah, you got to figure that out.
18:34Some crazy person's calling you.
18:36You look nice.
18:37It's good to see you.
18:39Um, I think I'm almost finished out here for you.
18:43Do you want to go grab a drink?
18:46Yeah.
18:47Yeah?
18:48Sure, yeah.
18:49Let's, you and I just get a drink.
18:50Let's get a drink.
18:51Be normal about it.
18:52Okay.
18:52Actually, hold on.
18:53I'm sorry.
18:54I just, I have to ask you something so that one day I'm not an old man filled with regret.
18:59But why did you dump me?
19:03Um...
19:04Do...
19:04Okay.
19:04Are we doing this here?
19:06Like, now?
19:09Yeah.
19:10Why did you dump me?
19:13Um...
19:15Honestly, I, I didn't even realize that you cared about me until we broke up.
19:25Okay.
19:26Let's get that drink.
19:27Get along, little doggy.
19:30Well, howdy there, muchachos.
19:33Hey.
19:34Where's Jess?
19:36Oh, she texted me seven times.
19:38Like, long ones.
19:40I just want to hook up.
19:41So, is she waiting for you to show up or did you call her?
19:44Yeah, that's what I did.
19:46I called her.
19:50See you inside, Schmitt.
19:54Nick.
19:56Can I get that drink?
20:00No, I gotta go help a friend, Caroline.
20:04No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
20:05Guys, this is the party of the year, you guys.
20:06This is our night.
20:07This is our night.
20:07I'm going with Nick, man.
20:08You coming?
20:09I thought you guys were my boys.
20:10Boys is not a thing, Schmitt.
20:12Stop!
20:12No.
20:14Come, Jess!
20:28Oh!
20:39Do you have anything else that is free, but also has bread in it?
20:44Because the good bread I ate and all that's left is kind of like a health bread.
20:50I'm sorry. We're going to have to ask you to give up the table.
20:57Can I please just stay just a little bit longer?
21:01We're here!
21:03We're here, Dad. We're here.
21:05We have the date. Date thing.
21:08You're all on a date?
21:09Yeah. We're her boyfriends. We are reverse Mormons. One man just isn't enough for her.
21:14Okay.
21:16Hey, Jess, that guy was a jerk. He was a clown.
21:21You guys missed your party to come here and see me?
21:26Yeah, we care about you. We like you.
21:31That's so nice.
21:33What is that?
21:34Don't start crying.
21:35Come on.
21:35It's cool. It's very, very cool.
21:37Come on, Jess. Come on.
21:39Stop it!
21:41It's okay. Hey, don't cry.
21:44For I've had the time of my life.
21:49What is he doing?
21:50And I've never felt this way before.
21:53Yes, it's true.
21:56Na-na-na-na-na.
21:58And there's something, there's something in my house.
22:03And it's the song that makes you feel me.
22:05I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
22:07You're the one thing.
22:12I can't get enough of you.
22:17And I tell you sometimes.
22:21If you just couldn't be found, they'll use this.
22:25I've had this time of my life.
22:30And I owe it out to you.
22:32Come on, what time is it?
22:33The time of my life.
22:36Hey, you have to leave now, all of you.
22:58You're right, Jess.
22:59This movie's pretty good.
23:03Seriously, thank you guys so much for tonight.
23:05That was really cool.
23:10Listen, Jess, I know you've had a really rough go of it.
23:14I just want you to know that, I mean, for me at least,
23:19no matter what, I would still totally do you.
23:25Oh, that's so sweet.
23:27Yeah, absolutely.
23:28Jar.
23:29Yeah, Jar.
23:34Yeah, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar,
23:36Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar,
23:37Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar,
23:37Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar,
23:37Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar,
23:37Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar, Jar
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