- 11 minutes ago
Mr. Nice Guy
Jonesy tries to cheer up Wyatt by taking him on a double date. The two girls love Wyatt's honesty and maturity and ignore Jonesy's disgusting style. Jonesy becomes jealous and competes with Wyatt. Meanwhile, Jen bets Caitlin that teen magazines are trash and will not help Jude with his problem.
Jonesy tries to cheer up Wyatt by taking him on a double date. The two girls love Wyatt's honesty and maturity and ignore Jonesy's disgusting style. Jonesy becomes jealous and competes with Wyatt. Meanwhile, Jen bets Caitlin that teen magazines are trash and will not help Jude with his problem.
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TVTranscript
00:11This next track goes out to my peeps in the DVD section.
00:14It's widescreen with their latest crew, Hoggin' the Remote.
00:24You're like a horde of locusts.
00:26Aren't you supposed to be at work?
00:27I'm on a break.
00:28The Staple Hut is a pretty stressful place to work.
00:31Oh, I'm sure.
00:32I kid you not.
00:33The customers there are very demanding.
00:38You've got one sweet job with honeys like this walking around.
00:42I don't know.
00:43I mean, Serena doesn't even know I exist.
00:45Bud, listen.
00:46If you get thrown off one horse, you've got to get right back on another and start swimming.
00:54Ladies, Wyatt here has had his eye on you since he walked into the store,
00:57and I must say, he has one sweet little eye.
01:01Really?
01:03Oh, yes.
01:03And why don't the four of us grab a movie and dessert tonight?
01:06On you?
01:07Sure.
01:08Okay.
01:09I'm Brittany.
01:10Like Spears.
01:11Only not.
01:12Uh-huh.
01:12I'm listening.
01:13No.
01:14I'm Jonesy.
01:15This is Wyatt.
01:16Hi.
01:17Bring your cute little butts to the Gigantoplex lobby at eight.
01:20Sure.
01:21Cool.
01:21Later.
01:22See ya.
01:23Bye-bye.
01:24Set him up with my looks.
01:25Knock him down with my charm.
01:27I can't go out tonight.
01:28You've got to stop being such a wuss.
01:30Meet me here at closing.
01:32Okay.
01:33And try to grow some cojones by then.
01:42I hear Jonesy and Wyatt have a hot double date tonight.
01:45Wish I had a date.
01:47Don't worry, Jude.
01:48You can hang with us.
01:50Okay.
01:50So why are you always reading these anyway?
01:53Other than the pictures of hot babes.
01:55These magazines are like the Bibles of girlhood.
01:58Are you serious?
01:59They're just a bunch of beauty tips that we already know and outfits we can't afford.
02:03Um, no.
02:04They teach us how to be stylish, modern women.
02:07Chick magazines smell nice.
02:12Ew.
02:14Sorry.
02:15You know, you could stand to get more in touch with your feminine side.
02:19No thanks.
02:19I'm perfectly happy being 100% pure dude.
02:23It might help you get more girls.
02:25Really?
02:26Where do I sign up?
02:29Oh, great.
02:31Teen Magazine has one more disciple.
02:34I don't know why I agreed to come.
02:36It was all Jonesy's idea.
02:38Relax, Wyatt.
02:39It's just a date.
02:40You're not disarming a nuclear warhead.
02:42And hey, if they said yes, they must not think you're all that ugly.
02:45Hey!
02:46Finally.
02:47Could I get some service now, please?
02:49Sorry.
02:50Break time.
02:51Oh.
02:59I'm listening.
03:00They're here.
03:02They're coming this way.
03:03Okay, okay, relax.
03:04They aren't flesh-eating zombies.
03:06It's just a couple of chicks.
03:07You don't have to talk to zombies.
03:10Man, you are hopeless.
03:12Leave the talking to me.
03:13Learn from the master.
03:15No, he didn't say that.
03:17No, he didn't.
03:18No, he did not.
03:20I don't believe you.
03:21Welcome, ladies, to the best evening of your young lives.
03:25I didn't catch your name this afternoon.
03:27Shut up!
03:29Oh, no, not you.
03:31You did not.
03:32You are so bad.
03:34What'd she do?
03:36Gina, I'm talking.
03:37Okay, I've got to go.
03:39Some dudes are taking us to a movie.
03:41Later.
03:42Sorry, duty calls.
03:43You ladies ready?
03:44Let's go.
03:45I'm Gina, by the way.
03:47Hey, I took the liberty of buying the tickets.
03:50We're going to see Monk of the Green Dragon at 8.10.
03:53Uh, are you sure the girls want to see that?
03:56Of course they do.
03:57Lots of fights and ninjas and stuff.
04:00Wee-yah!
04:01Yeah, yeah, yeah!
04:03I wanted to see that new Gwyneth Paltrow movie,
04:05Kissing a Moody, Dangerous Man.
04:07Or that Kate Hudson movie, My Boyfriend Needs Some Work.
04:11Maybe we should exchange the tickets.
04:13No way.
04:13Those movies bite.
04:15And speaking of biting,
04:16shall we head over to the snack bar?
04:18They have these awesome new nachos and cheese.
04:21Are they low carb?
04:22Sure, if you eat one bite.
04:26Six, seven, 750, 760.
04:30You girls are lucky I could fit you into my schedule this evening.
04:33I have a lot of responsibilities in my current retail venture.
04:37Don't you work at the staple hut?
04:39I thought you worked at the shoe pit.
04:40Ew, you shop there?
04:42As if.
04:43And didn't you work at the party line?
04:45And the denim hole?
04:46And belts, belts, belts?
04:47He gets fired a lot.
04:49Yeah, but I've been at this job for three days now and haven't been fired.
04:53Oh my gosh, where?
04:55Paula saw Sean with another girl.
04:58Hold on a sec, hey.
04:59What did you see?
05:01What's the idea of making me look dumb in front of the girls?
05:03You don't need my help.
05:05Don't you think you're being a bit obnoxious?
05:07Buddy, chick's like a dude who can take charge.
05:09It's been that way since the caveman days.
05:11If you say so.
05:13I know so.
05:14You'll see.
05:15After tonight, you'll never question the Jones Meister again.
05:18Let's get some snacks.
05:22Are you sure you don't want any popcorn?
05:24It's extremely salty and covered in that substitute butter product.
05:27No thanks.
05:28It's so bad for you.
05:30How can it be bad when it feels so right?
05:34Uh, you know, Jonesy's not the only one to wear his popcorn.
05:38The Aztecs and the Incas used it to adorn their ceremonial headdresses.
05:43Fascinating, Professor Egghead.
05:45Really?
05:46They wore popcorn?
05:47That is so weird.
05:49Where'd you learn that?
05:50Uh, I don't know.
05:51I must have read it somewhere.
05:54I like a guy who reads.
05:56Me too.
05:57I mean, I like reading books and stuff.
06:00Whatever has words in it, I read it.
06:04Satsuma Province in the Empire of Japan.
06:07A time of famine and war.
06:09A time of samurai.
06:11This is the time of...
06:12The Monk of the Green Dragon.
06:18Yo!
06:20What a good opening!
06:23Shh!
06:27How come nobody talks in this movie?
06:30Shh!
06:31Who is that guy?
06:32Shh!
06:35When are we gonna see some ninja fights?
06:37Shh!
06:40Shh!
06:46What a sad ending!
06:49It was so incredibly moving!
06:53I know!
06:54I saw Paula trying to call through and I didn't even answer.
06:57It was incredible.
06:58What did you think, Jonesy?
07:03That was so lame.
07:04I feel like asking for my money back.
07:07You slept through the best part.
07:08But it was in black and white.
07:10How cheap is that?
07:11It's meant to point up the bleakness of the life of peasantry in Imperial Japan.
07:15I still say for 12 bucks, you should get color.
07:18Gee, Wyatt.
07:19You sure know a lot about filmmaking.
07:22Well, this girl I dated once loved going to the movies.
07:25In fact, she told me she didn't want to go out with me anymore right here.
07:29Aww!
07:30Aww!
07:31Only a date long?
07:32Only for a couple of days.
07:33But it still hurt.
07:34Huh?
07:35Do you want to talk about it?
07:36Hey, wait up!
07:39I really felt for the main character, you know?
07:42I mean, I understand his loneliness.
07:44Oh, yeah!
07:45I mean, I've never really been lonely, but I can totally relate.
07:49Hey!
07:50How about the way those cookie Japanese people eat with those big toothpicks?
07:53They're called chopsticks.
07:55Duh!
07:55Uh, don't you ever eat sushi?
07:57Raw fish?
07:59Mmm, let me think.
08:00No.
08:01Ooh, it's cold in here.
08:03Here, take my coat.
08:05Thank you!
08:07Burr!
08:11See?
08:12When I do this, it means I'm open to what you have to say.
08:15And if I touch your arm lightly, it means I like you.
08:18So, how is this helping me get in touch with my feminine side?
08:21A girl needs to know how to communicate things through body language.
08:24If you can become fluent in this language, you'll know exactly what a girl is thinking.
08:29Whoa!
08:29Kay!
08:30Teach me more!
08:32I liked when the dude kicked the short guy and broke his elbow.
08:36That was cool.
08:37It bent the wrong way.
08:39We had a great time.
08:41Maybe we could meet tomorrow.
08:43I'd love to hear more about that book he was talking about.
08:46Me too!
08:47Sure.
08:48I'll meet you here for coffee at three.
08:50Great.
08:51I can tell you all about my hockey season.
08:53I kicked butt last year.
08:55Don't bother.
08:57See you tomorrow, Wyatt.
08:58Bye, Brittany.
08:59Gina.
09:00Thanks a lot.
09:04Okay, I must not be a girl because none of this matters to me at all.
09:07Must-haves for summer?
09:09Says who?
09:11If anyone ever learns anything remotely useful from these magazines, I'll drink a cup of lemon juice straight up.
09:17Is that a bet?
09:18Yeah, that's a bet.
09:19You'll see how well they work.
09:22Jude knows female body language now.
09:24I'm bilingual.
09:26There you go, Jude.
09:26A virgin pina colada lemon slush for the student.
09:30Dude, it's almost too beautiful to eat, but I must eat it, for that is my destiny.
09:37You totally torpedoed me with those girls.
09:40Trust me, you didn't need my help.
09:43You made me look like an idiot.
09:44I treated them like they were people, not just miniskirts.
09:47You should try it.
09:49Yeah, right.
09:49Oh, look at me.
09:51Look at me.
09:52I'm Mr. Sensitive.
09:53Excuse me while I take this knife out of my back.
09:56I can't believe you said that.
09:58I'm going to work.
10:00Whoa.
10:01That was close.
10:04Well, that's a shame.
10:07Oof.
10:08So was that.
10:09What was that all about?
10:11Wyatt totally hosed me.
10:12I got us a date with two hot chicks, and he pulled the sensitive smart guy routine.
10:16Now they think I'm a dork.
10:18Maybe it's because you are a dork.
10:20Thanks a lot.
10:21You didn't have to crank it up so much.
10:23It's not just a routine.
10:25Wyatt really is just a nice guy.
10:27Yeah, and girls like honesty.
10:29No way.
10:30Girls want a guy who's got an edge.
10:32A guy with attitude.
10:34Watch this.
10:35Hey, baby.
10:36You look tired.
10:37I think what you need is a little vitamin J, and I'm a lifetime supply.
10:42Beat it, loser.
10:44Okay.
10:44That body language said, get out of my face, jerk.
10:48Right.
10:49A plus.
10:50It can't be true.
10:52What's happening?
10:54You have a great personality.
10:56It just needs a little tweaking.
10:59We can rebuild him, right, guys?
11:01We have the technology.
11:03We can try.
11:05What the heck?
11:06He can't get worse.
11:07We'll make him sweeter, kinder, more sensitive.
11:10Get ready to down a glass of lemon juice, Jen.
11:13Somehow, I'm just not that worried.
11:16Oh, whatever.
11:16I can do this.
11:18Wyatt will not be the only nice guy in this town.
11:27Jonesy, any good makeover starts from within.
11:30She knows the lingo.
11:31He doesn't stand a chance.
11:33And I know just how to do that.
11:36The greatest invention ever in the history of womankind.
11:39The magazine quiz.
11:42Rate your man.
11:43How to be a better boyfriend.
11:45Rock her world.
11:47Are you a selfish pig?
11:48Those are chick quizzes.
11:50Do they really work?
11:51Duh.
11:52Without them, I never would have known I was a slave to fashion and a high-maintenance menace.
11:56You're going to take all of these tests so we can determine what work has to be done here.
12:00Oh, my God.
12:06Congratulations.
12:07You are officially a not-so-mister-nice-guy and a love-life leper.
12:12Your selfish knob goes up to 11, and you're an ugly creep who smells bad.
12:15You threw that last one in yourself.
12:18Guilty.
12:19Oh, this is worse than I thought.
12:20We're going to have to use drastic measures.
12:23One of us will have to be a pretend date for Jonesy to practice on.
12:26Nuh-uh.
12:27No way.
12:27This was your stupid idea.
12:29I'd rather watch someone eat my hand.
12:31Oh, come on, you guys.
12:33Someone has to be our test girl.
12:38I can feel you looking at me, but I'm hoping that if I ignore you, you'll go away.
12:46Bad strategy.
12:47This is so humiliating.
12:49Dude, at least you're not the one in a tennis dress.
12:52Sorry, it was all I could find.
12:55It'll be good practice for you, Jude.
12:57Remember your feminine side?
12:58Now, for the next level of boyfriend training, Judy is your date.
13:03You have to be polite, gentlemanly, and accommodate her every need.
13:07Aw, man, don't do that.
13:08I'm just getting into the mood.
13:11Why not start with a little compliment?
13:12It's always nice for a girl to feel she's attractive.
13:15Are you kidding me?
13:18Oh, no, you've made her cry.
13:21Can it, Jude?
13:22It's Jude-D, and that's no way to talk to a girl.
13:25Yeah.
13:26Oh, I gotta get some new friends.
13:29Try again.
13:30You look really pretty today.
13:33Judy, have you done something different to your hair?
13:37That's so sweet of you to notice, dude.
13:41Ah!
13:42Ooh!
13:43Is that more like it?
13:45This is a great novel if you're in the past lives and reincarnation.
13:49Really got me thinking.
13:51Wow.
13:51I wish I could buy it, but I forgot my wallet.
13:55Me too.
13:56Why don't I buy you each a copy?
13:59Oh, thanks, Wyatt.
14:01And while we're here, there's this other book on Kabbalah that I wanted to grab.
14:04Oh, me too.
14:05Oh, are you Jewish?
14:08No, but Madonna says it's, like, really good for your soul.
14:12Yeah.
14:12Oh, and you get to wear a really cute red bracelet.
14:16Ooh!
14:17Come on, let's find it.
14:18Would you care for another onion ring, sweetheart?
14:21Why, no, Jonesy.
14:23I'm stuffed.
14:25You dropped your napkin.
14:26Oh, dear.
14:27Thanks.
14:32How charming.
14:33I thought it couldn't be done.
14:35What control?
14:36I think he's ready for his final test.
14:39You must get a girl's phone number using your new nice persona.
14:43Here are your props.
14:45Poetry and Alanis Morissette?
14:46This is chick stuff.
14:49Right.
14:50Quick review.
14:52You are walking towards a closed door with a girl.
14:54What do you do?
14:55I open the door for the girl.
14:56At the movies with a girl, you always go to which movie?
14:59The one with the hot guy in it.
15:01A girl asks you if she looks fat.
15:03You say?
15:04You?
15:05No.
15:06By George.
15:07I think he's got it.
15:09There's a girl.
15:10Using what we've taught you, get her phone number.
15:13No probs.
15:16Who's George?
15:17Never mind.
15:18Hang on.
15:18He's coming back already.
15:20I got her digits.
15:21That was quick.
15:23One glass of pure lemon juice.
15:25Drink it up, sister.
15:26I told you they worked.
15:28You would have been proud.
15:29I said, I've just been reading this book of poetry,
15:32and I thought you might have some insight because you're like a poem yourself.
15:37She totally bought that line.
15:41Ow!
15:43Oh, I think you might want to hold on to that for a bit.
15:47Okay, bad call.
15:48Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to kick Wyatt's butt at his own game.
15:53If he does, it's going to be all my fault, isn't it?
15:59Thanks for buying his copies again.
16:01Yeah, you're such a nice guy.
16:03Excuse me, may I join you?
16:06Jonesy?
16:06Thanks.
16:07I was just at a poetry reading in the food court.
16:11Very inspiring.
16:13I didn't know you were into poetry.
16:16Oh, sure.
16:18But I want to know more about you two ladies.
16:20Gina, that's a great color on you.
16:23It really brings out your eyes.
16:25Wow, thanks, Jonesy.
16:27Brittany, should we go freshen up?
16:29Totally.
16:31Oh, thank you.
16:37What's wrong with you?
16:39You thought you had the market cornered?
16:40But I'm in the game now, and I'm all over this nice guy garbage.
16:44Those girls will be eating out of my hand in no time.
16:46It's not a competition, Jonesy.
16:48Oh, yes, it is, my friend.
16:50And just remember, when I'm leaving you in my dust, that you started it.
16:54Shut up.
16:55Ladies, how about taking a walk and getting to know each other a little bit better?
17:00Okay, sure.
17:01Oh, but we have some shopping to do, if you guys don't mind.
17:05Not at all.
17:06Just let me pay for your coffees.
17:09Already did it, Keener.
17:11Say, who loves golden retriever puppies?
17:15Me!
17:16These pants are so now.
17:18And I have to try these t-shirts.
17:21You don't mind, do you?
17:22Not at all.
17:23Oh, you just shop your little hearts out.
17:26Could you just hold my purse?
17:28Hmm.
17:29Hey, Casanova, great purse.
17:31So, how's the nice guy strategy going?
17:33There had better be a kiss at the end of all this, and it had better involve tongue and lots
17:37of it.
17:38At least you didn't get peed on by a puppy.
17:42And bring us four cappuccinos, please.
17:44You're, like, so generous.
17:47And so nice.
17:48And so going to score.
17:51This isn't over yet.
17:53For you.
17:54Oh, it's so cute.
17:56Thanks.
17:57Just a little something to remember me by.
18:00Huh.
18:00Amateur.
18:01Gina, I'd really like to take our relationship to the next step.
18:05You know, as your boyfriend.
18:09Boyfriend?
18:11Jonesy, I think you've misunderstood my feelings for you.
18:13We like you guys as friends.
18:16Friends?
18:17Yeah, I thought you knew that.
18:19And I thought you guys were gay.
18:20Not gay.
18:21Not gay.
18:22Hold on.
18:23You just said I was a nice guy.
18:25That's kind of the problem.
18:26You're too nice.
18:27We're more into dark, moody guys who don't treat us well.
18:30Someone we can change.
18:31I held your purse like a girly man.
18:34Sorry.
18:36Would you excuse us for a minute?
18:40This is so wrong.
18:41They thought I was gay.
18:42I'm so not gay.
18:43I dropped a fortune on them and they used me.
18:46I missed work at the Staple Hut for this stupid date.
18:48Too nice my butt.
18:50Hmm.
18:53It's too bad they don't have any money with them.
18:56A darn shame.
19:08Did you see the look on her face?
19:10It was awesome.
19:11Huh?
19:12What the?
19:13Don't ask.
19:15So, how'd it go?
19:16Let's just say no more Mr. Nice Guy.
19:19Got any more of those magazines?
19:21Do you want to take another quiz?
19:22No way.
19:23Those quizzes suck.
19:25But there are a lot of hot babes.
19:27Models.
19:28I like those chicks.
19:30Dude.
19:31Dude.
19:32What?
19:33Your feminine side wouldn't say that.
19:35Yeah.
19:36You know, I think I'm happy with my dude side after all.
19:39This wig itches and my tennis undies are riding up my butt.
19:43Fine.
19:43Live in ignorance.
19:45Looks like I won't be drinking any lemon juice today.
19:47Yes.
19:48So, what happened to your dates?
19:49Oh, I think they might be busy for a while.
19:55Hurry up.
19:56We're out of snail forks.
19:57Ha ha ha ha.
20:00Nice.
20:01I guess nothing that you learned in training stuck, huh?
20:03You know, I did learn something.
20:05I should try to be a little more like Wyatt.
20:07And Wyatt should learn to be a little more like me.
20:10Then maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place.
20:15Yeah, right!
20:16Ha ha ha ha!
20:17There you are.
20:18You missed your shift, bucko.
20:20You're fired.
20:23Ha ha ha!
20:26You're so immature.
20:28Surprise, surprise.
20:29Oh, men.
20:30Ha ha ha!
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