- 15 minutes ago
Clonesy
Jonesy takes Nikki out on a date. Jen, Caitlin, and Wyatt try to stop their relationship dead in its tracks out of fear that if it fails, their friendship might be in danger. Meanwhile, Jude uses too much of Jen's muscle-relaxing cream, and his whole body becomes numb, so he's forced to look for help by pushing himself on his skateboard with his mouth.
Jonesy takes Nikki out on a date. Jen, Caitlin, and Wyatt try to stop their relationship dead in its tracks out of fear that if it fails, their friendship might be in danger. Meanwhile, Jude uses too much of Jen's muscle-relaxing cream, and his whole body becomes numb, so he's forced to look for help by pushing himself on his skateboard with his mouth.
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TVTranscript
00:00Time's last!
00:14Excuse me, coming through.
00:17Looking foxy for an older check.
00:21Oh, Harold.
00:23And action!
00:26Hello, fans of extreme skating.
00:28Today, I will be executing a tasty front-nose rail slide down the escalator,
00:34followed by a melon 360, if I don't kill myself.
00:38Jude, has this ever been attempted at the mall before?
00:42No, Jude, it hasn't.
00:44Then we're in for a treat.
00:46Yes, Jude, we are.
00:55Groovy.
00:59Groovy.
01:06Huh?
01:07Hurrah.
01:08Hurrah.
01:10Could someone please press the emergency stop?
01:14Hmm.
01:16Hurrah.
01:18Hurrah.
01:19Hurrah.
01:20Hurrah.
01:21Hurrah.
01:22You're a Taurus, right?
01:23You know it. You mess with the bull, you get the horns. Know what I'm saying?
01:28Oh, yeah. There's some kind of bull at this table.
01:31Got that right. Want to be my matador?
01:33I think I'll pass.
01:35Okay, Taurus. A compliment to a friend could lead to great things. Look for new job opportunities.
01:41A new job? Booyah! You hear that?
01:44Wow, another job. Another brilliant way to get fired.
01:48Oh, this astrologer is really good. Actually, she predicted that I should never date a Taurus.
01:53Ever.
01:54Very wise. And may I say, you're looking exceptionally fine today.
01:59Oh, brother.
02:00And may I say, you're looking very fine today, too. For you, anyway.
02:05Get out of my face.
02:06Ow!
02:07Way to put the horror in horoscope.
02:08Are you looking for a job?
02:10I am. And may I say, Jen, you are looking exceptionally fine today.
02:15Save it. Coach Halder is reorganizing the stockroom, and we could use some part-timers.
02:20Will heavy lifting be involved?
02:21Just moving boxes and stuff.
02:23Yeah, Jen. See, lifting things violates my religion.
02:28Jonesy worships at the Temple of Eternal Slack.
02:30Just trying to help you out. I better go. Break is over.
02:34Yeah, I should get back to work, too. I have to dust all the lemons.
02:38You dust the lemons?
02:40Business has been slow.
02:42Gotta bounce. Later.
02:44See ya.
02:47Khaki Barnes having their annual look-like-everyone-else sale this week.
02:51So?
02:52So, nothing. I just heard the clone queen saying she was looking for an extra part-timer.
02:58Heavy lifting?
02:58Not that I do. It's pretty much just folding sweaters.
03:03Cool.
03:03But I don't know how to fold sweaters.
03:07Uh, I could give you a crash course after we close.
03:11I don't know. You and I working together?
03:14Well, you know, don't come if you don't want to.
03:17No biggie.
03:18No, I'll be there.
03:19Cool.
03:20Cool.
03:28How's it going?
03:29Are you okay?
03:31Awesome.
03:32Can you help me up?
03:34Ow, ow, ow.
03:36Speaking of pain, I've got to get back to the tacky barn.
03:39See you after work.
03:40Check it out. Nikki's setting me up with a gig at the khaki barn.
03:44Awesome.
03:45But dig this. You know what Nikki said when I told her I didn't know how to fold sweaters?
03:49They have a sweater folding machine?
03:52No. She said, hold on. A sweater folding machine? What are you, six?
03:56Dude, if they can build a device to clap on and off lights, they can build a sweater folding machine.
04:02So anyway, Nikki tells me to come by after work so she can teach me.
04:07Cool.
04:08Alone.
04:10So that's what's been stuck in there.
04:13Mmm, mmm, mmm, cherry.
04:16Dude, don't you get it? She wants me.
04:18You think every girl wants you, bro.
04:21I know, but Nikki's different. Remember last week when we went to the movies? She was practically trying to sit
04:27on my lap.
04:28Yeah, cause you took her seat.
04:29Well, how about when we went out for drinks at the banana shack, she paid for my spunky monkey.
04:34You left your wallet at home.
04:35I'm telling you, dude, she's got Jonesy vision.
04:38Okay. So what's the problemo, Chief? Do you like her?
04:42Sure, I like her. I like you, too. So what?
04:46You like her like her, don't you?
04:50Jonesy and Nikki kissing in a tree.
04:53K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
04:56Shh.
04:59What are you doing?
05:00When a dude's really into a chick, they give off these vibes that you can, like, smell. I think they're
05:05called fartamone.
05:07That's the freakiest thing I've ever heard, dude.
05:11It's true.
05:13Dude, you stink.
05:14Okay, I like her.
05:16But if you say a word about this to anyone, you're a dead man.
05:20Chill, dude. Your secret is safe with me.
05:23I mean it.
05:28I have to find Jen. She'll know what to do.
05:32If Jonesy and Nikki start dating, we are completely screwed.
05:35Why? What's the big deal?
05:37Because if they start dating, they are inevitably going to break up.
05:40And when they do, we'll be the ones stuck in the middle.
05:43We won't be able to go out as a group.
05:45We'll have to choose sides.
05:46I won't be able to use the word jonesing in front of Nikki anymore.
05:49It'll be a total disaster.
05:51Are you sure Jonesy's serious about Nikki?
05:53I'm a girl. Of course I'm sure.
05:56And is Nikki serious about Jonesy?
05:59Um...
06:01I don't know, but that's why we're here.
06:04To find out?
06:04To make sure it doesn't get that far.
06:07Wait here. We're going in.
06:08What about me?
06:09Girl talk. No guys allowed.
06:11Oh, come on.
06:12Look, do you want us to find out or not?
06:17Hey, Nikki.
06:18Hey, girl.
06:20So, has Jonesy asked you to babysit his youngest brother on Saturday yet?
06:24Yeah, you know little Marshall?
06:26The one who likes to hit things hard?
06:28Especially the babysitter.
06:30No, he hasn't.
06:31Oh, because he's asked all of us.
06:33He's been begging us. It isn't pretty.
06:36Only a crazy person would agree to babysit that little monster.
06:39We just wanted to let you know, if he tries to bring it up and ask you, change the subject
06:43quick.
06:44Thanks for the tip.
06:45No problem.
06:46See ya.
06:47Bye.
06:48You're smooth, sister.
06:50It's a gift.
06:52So what happened? Did you find out if she likes him too?
06:55No.
06:55But if Jonesy tries to ask her out, he won't stand a chance.
06:59Yes!
07:02Now, any monkey could fold a sweater. Even you.
07:05But what separates us from the clones is that we choose not to.
07:11See? You give it a try.
07:13Yeah, uh, just a sec.
07:17I'm like...
07:18Oh, tell me you didn't just put on dog toy.
07:20It is her favorite band.
07:22Smart play, Jonesy.
07:24Darn it! We should have smashed the CD player.
07:31Hey.
07:32What are you doing?
07:33I thought while we were here alone, we could, you know, get our groove on.
07:38Sure, I guess.
07:41Do you want to try unfolding these sweaters?
07:43Maybe later.
07:46Okay. So, do you have any questions?
07:48Yeah. Actually, I, uh, see...
07:51Are you okay?
07:53Okay? I'm amazing!
07:54I mean, what are you doing Saturday night?
07:56All right. Hold it right there, cowboy.
07:59I know what you're doing, and you can forget it.
08:01The answer is no. And please, don't beg.
08:04Man, that was a little harsh.
08:08Yes!
08:09Mission accomplished!
08:13So, if you could only have three things on a deserted island, what would they be?
08:18Ugh, I can give you three things I'd banish to a deserted island.
08:23Sorry, Nikki.
08:24We forgot about you.
08:32Do you think the problem might be that when the camera is on, you tense up a bit?
08:38Yeah, I think I get a little tense.
08:41Why not just pretend like the camera isn't there?
08:44Dude, brilliant idea.
08:50Hey, how about a sour lemon pucker?
08:54Sure.
08:55Sure.
08:56Ew! What is that disgusting smell?
08:59It smells like...
09:00Gym class!
09:02Oh, it must be the raging heat muscle cream I rubbed on my shoulder.
09:06It's sore from lifting all those boxes in the stockroom.
09:09Ugh, I hope it's worth it.
09:11It's what they put on football players so they can keep playing with broken legs.
09:15Poke me in the shoulder with a straw.
09:17Shove over and copy customer.
09:23You chased away all my customers!
09:25You can come by all stinky any time!
09:28So obviously Jonesy will chase anything that's female.
09:31But, I mean, the clones?
09:33What is with that?
09:34I...
09:34You don't think he likes them, do you?
09:36Uh-uh.
09:36I mean, they're clones!
09:38You said that already.
09:39Oh yeah, but you didn't see him with them.
09:40It's this big love fest in there.
09:42I don't get it.
09:43Why?
09:43Well...
09:44You know what?
09:44Never mind.
09:45I don't care who Jonesy spends his time with.
09:48She's hooked.
09:49Like a wide-mouthed bass.
09:51Totally into him.
09:53We cannot let them get together.
09:54Do you hear me?
09:55This calls for drastic action.
10:06For my next stunt, I will attempt an extreme ollie tail grab to fakey double heel flip body varial
10:12followed by a Zurich alley-oop 5 over the fountain.
10:15I will now pretend the camera isn't here.
10:29Uh-oh.
10:32Uh-oh.
10:48I'm against it.
10:49Good to know.
10:50Aw, man.
10:52Even in my damaged state, I can tell these stickets are rank.
10:57Actually, you might be smelling my shoulder.
11:00Didn't see that one coming.
11:02My shoulder was sore, so I put raging heat cream on it.
11:06Good for aches and pains associated with sporting injuries.
11:11It's banned in Europe, so you know it's good.
11:14Hmm.
11:16I can't do it with you watching.
11:19Okay, okay.
11:20I've got to get back anyway.
11:22Just remember, you only need a dime-sized amount.
11:24It's really concentrated.
11:29Oh, yeah.
11:31Hmm.
11:44So, have you decided which one of us do you want to take for lunch?
11:47I don't know.
11:49You can pick either one of us.
11:50It wouldn't matter.
11:52Sorry, clones.
11:52He's already got a lunch date.
11:54Come on.
11:58Hey, whoa.
12:00Are we going out for lunch or the 100-meter dash?
12:02Were you seriously thinking about going out with one of the clones?
12:05You mean one of my co-workers?
12:07People do have lunch with people they work with, you know, Nikki.
12:10How would you know?
12:11You've never worked anywhere long enough to have lunch.
12:13Besides, they're pod people.
12:15Pod people who said yes.
12:16Is this about that babysitting thing?
12:18That what?
12:19Oh, forget it.
12:20Let's just eat.
12:21Um.
12:23You should have warned me when we were going out.
12:25I would have stretched.
12:28Those tickets are nasty, bro.
12:31Mm-hmm.
12:35I can't believe you're not eating.
12:36You're the one who wanted to go out for lunch.
12:38It has to qualify as food before I eat it.
12:41Pass me some napkins.
12:43This is one mean burrito.
12:46Yeah, just so long as I don't hear from it later.
12:48You want a bite?
12:49No.
12:50Have a bite.
12:51No, I don't want any.
12:52Ugh.
12:53Jonesy, you got it on my clothes.
12:55Sorry.
12:56Pass me some more napkins.
12:57Never mind.
12:58I'll do it.
12:58No, I'll get it.
13:04Oh, no.
13:08You're rubbing it in.
13:10I'm erasing it.
13:11You're spreading it.
13:13Hello?
13:13Kate, we have a Nicky and Jonesy code red.
13:16Repeat, code red.
13:17Meet me in the food court.
13:20Bet you wouldn't have slopped food on Chrissy.
13:22Would you relax?
13:23Why are you being so mean?
13:24Why are you hitting on the clones?
13:26What do you care?
13:27You said you wouldn't go out.
13:29I said I wouldn't babysit for...
13:30What?
13:31You want to go out with me?
13:33No.
13:34Well, I did.
13:36So, okay.
13:37Let's go out.
13:39Okay?
13:40When?
13:41Well, now's as good a time as ever.
13:44Don't we have to go back to work?
13:45You have so much to learn about the khaki barn.
13:51I got here as fast as I could.
13:53You just missed it.
13:54Major pre-date activity happening.
13:56Oh, no.
13:57Where'd it go?
13:59Towards the amusement park.
14:08Uh-oh.
14:18Maybe I used a little too much?
14:23Whoa.
14:25Uh-oh.
14:31Are you serious?
14:33You're scared?
14:34Heck yeah.
14:35But don't tell anyone, okay?
14:37Yeah!
14:42Oh, they're so on a date.
14:44Better call for reinforcements.
14:47Is that Jen and Caitlin down there?
14:49Hi, Jen!
14:50Hello, I'm here!
14:51Oh, shoot.
14:52They saw us.
14:53Hello?
14:53Wyatt, find a way to leave work.
14:55We have a definite situation here.
14:57I'll call Jude.
15:02Hold on, Jude!
15:03Keep ringing!
15:05Keep ringing!
15:10Okay.
15:11They've just bought tickets to the new romantic comedy.
15:14Uh-oh.
15:15I've seen this one.
15:16Major mush factor.
15:17We have to work fast.
15:19Ready?
15:21Ready as I'll ever be.
15:22Let's go.
15:25Forget about the others.
15:27Darling, hold me close.
15:29You're the only one for me.
15:31Hey, guys.
15:32Oh, my gosh.
15:33I didn't know you guys would be at this movie.
15:36Great seats, guys.
15:37Popcorn, Caitlin?
15:39Oh, yeah.
15:39Hand it over.
15:40I only have eyes for you.
15:42Pop?
15:42Thanks.
15:43So thirsty.
15:46Pop?
15:47No thanks, dude.
15:48Got mine.
15:49What are they doing here?
15:50I don't know.
15:52Oh, I love this part.
15:54This is where she kisses him for the very first time.
15:58Want some popcorn?
15:59Thanks.
16:01Liquor, anybody?
16:03Your lips taste like sweet.
16:05I love you.
16:07And I...
16:09Oh, man.
16:10What am I gonna do?
16:12My mouth is still working.
16:14Bonus!
16:15I completely forgot I had a mouth there for a second.
16:18Okay.
16:19No need to panic.
16:21Use my mouth.
16:32Okay.
16:34I need to panic.
16:38Don't worry about walking out early.
16:39I can tell you how it ends over ice cream.
16:41Some other time, maybe.
16:43I know how not knowing how a movie ends can bug you.
16:45Right now?
16:46That's not what's bugging me.
16:47Look.
16:48The sticket is empty.
16:49Where's Jude?
16:50I don't know.
16:51Come on.
16:52But I called him earlier and there was no answer.
16:54He always answers.
16:55We don't have time right now.
16:58Look.
16:59It's empty.
17:00If Jude used that much, he could really be in trouble.
17:02We can't let them out of our sight.
17:04Let's go.
17:17Heart muscle, don't relax.
17:19You keep going in there, heart muscle dude.
17:23Stanley, is that you, mini dude?
17:26Yeah.
17:27I need you to go to the penalty box and get Jen.
17:31Can you do that, buddy?
17:32How much you got?
17:33There's a fiver in my back pocket with your name on it.
17:39You stink.
17:54Wyatt.
17:56What happened?
17:57I don't know they kind of got away from me. I didn't know what to do. They're going to kiss
18:03No, we have to stop them. There's nothing we can do now. It's over
18:11It's dude
18:15Jude
18:19Hey, are you okay? I can't use my arms get him up. You're gonna be okay
18:26Guess that's it for tonight. Yep. You really know how to show a girl a good time. Jude. You're a
18:32genius
18:33I'll get you some water, huh?
18:36I'll try to find an antidote
18:38Maybe some coffee will help be right back. Maybe sometime we can lock all these guys in a closet and
18:44try again
18:45Oh, no weirder things have happened
18:49Coach said the important thing is to keep your blood circulating and drink plenty of water water gotcha
18:58How's the patient doctor the heat cream should be out of his system in about eight hours eight hours?
19:03Maybe sooner if you work it out. I'll help you, bro
19:07And me to up you get hey, isn't that the unmistakable aroma of those fart-a-moans things again?
19:16No, I think that's just Jonesy's burrito. Well guys here's to a job well done way to keep my part
19:22We were so clever. They didn't stand a chance
19:25Great movie choice by the way a chick flick. I was trying to be a gentleman. I thought chicks dig
19:32them. Well, maybe the clothes
19:37Sorry, dude, I was aiming for Nikki. No worries, dude that butt cheeks still asleep
19:43Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
19:51Stick it don't mind if I do you look like you're all better
19:55Yeah, I can feel every part of my body again. Just don't be doing it in front of us, okay
20:00these tickets are great
20:02Yeah, they melt in your mouth. That's because I use the best meat tenderizer ever
20:08I think I recognize the spice.
20:15Jude, you didn't!
20:17I shall never reveal the Colonel's secret recipe.
20:21But I can tell you it's the choice of football players everywhere.
20:26Ryo!
20:27Aw, man.
20:29Dude?
20:30Nice.
20:32I can't feel my lips.
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