- 9 hours ago
Nikki is temporarily fired from the Khaki Barn because of Jonesy, and forced to work with Darth and Caitlin helps her to set Darth up with Julie. Meanwhile, Jen and Jonesy try to compete in salesmanship to win sporting equipment and Jen makes a deal with Officer Ron so she can sell most of her products. Also, Jude sets Wyatt up with Lydia, but she thinks that Wayne is Wyatt (this title is a reference to Welcome to the Dark Side.)
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TVTranscript
00:00Time's less!
00:10Security isn't just a job.
00:12It's a way of life.
00:13It's a vocation.
00:14Like becoming a priest or a heart surgeon.
00:20Oh, you were serious.
00:22The point is, you serve a higher power.
00:24If you say so.
00:25I do say so.
00:26You've got to be on guard at all times against the forces of chaos and anarchy.
00:30Teenagers!
00:31Teenagers are the gum on the shoe of the mall's security officer.
00:35As of today, they are your enemy!
00:38I'm about to show you a list of the mall's most wanted.
00:41I want you to learn their faces, their habits, what they eat for breakfast!
00:45Aye, aye, sir.
00:46This isn't a ship!
00:48You will address me as Officer Ron, or by my co-name, Viper.
00:53Okay, Mr. Viper.
00:54Not Mr. Viper, just Viper.
00:57Sorry.
00:59I have assigned each of them a code name.
01:01Nikki.
01:02Code name, Nose Ring.
01:03She's mean.
01:04She's tough.
01:05She'll kick you when you're down and eat macaroni and cheese on your grave.
01:09Wyatt, aka Coffee Pot.
01:11Don't let the floppy, sad puppy look fool you.
01:14He can read.
01:15Can't everybody?
01:18Next.
01:20Jen.
01:21Code name, Jim Sock.
01:22She appears to be an average girl.
01:24But it's the quiet ones who always surprise you.
01:27Who's the fox?
01:29Caitlyn.
01:30Code name, Cupcake.
01:31Oh, she's got the cutie pie routine down real good.
01:33But she's just like the lemonade she serves.
01:36Full of sugar.
01:38And lemons.
01:40Moving on.
01:42And now, the hard cases.
01:44Repeat offenders.
01:45These dudes are hardcore criminals.
01:48Can we go back to Cupcake?
01:50Negative!
01:50Concentrate!
01:52June.
01:53Code name, Hang Ten.
01:55A clown who takes every opportunity to float authority.
01:58But he's just a stooge compared to the chairman of the board over there.
02:03Jonesy, aka Maverick.
02:05He's a walking crime wave.
02:07After a few years on the job, you'll have the tools you need to take these lollygaggers down.
02:12Now, ready for your first bust?
02:14Good.
02:15Because as of today, we're going on a blitz, soldier.
02:19Let's roll.
02:25Hey, gorgeous.
02:27What's up?
02:28Drop dead, skis.
02:29Man, I love the food court.
02:33Dude, how long have we been sitting here?
02:35Don't know.
02:3631 minutes.
02:38You are officially loitering.
02:40And get those shoes off my table.
02:44Hello.
02:46Officer Kai.
02:47Front and center.
02:49Now, you're all officially on notice.
02:51Now that I finally have some backup, I'll be tightening the leash on this mall.
02:56Consider yourselves...
02:57...wand.
03:00This blows.
03:03Jumping off the boat?
03:04What kind of dumb movie is that?
03:06It's about these two rescue workers in Rwanda who meet by chance, flee to freedom,
03:11and are then forced by pirates to jump off the luxury cruise ship.
03:15Oh, forget it.
03:17No, no, no, go on.
03:18It sounds really stimulating.
03:20It was the kind of movie Serena and I would like, okay?
03:23Wyatt, when are you going to realize that Serena has moved on, and you should too?
03:28What's this for?
03:30The mall has a dress code.
03:32Yeah, right.
03:33Since when?
03:33Since right now.
03:36No facial piercings.
03:37What are you?
03:38Some kind of fascist?
03:40I don't know what that is, but it earns you a warning.
03:45And who's the little mini-you?
03:46Shouldn't you be teaching him how to pull his pants up to his chest?
03:51I cannot believe the deal I got on those pumps.
03:54And the bikini.
03:55And the cute shorts.
03:56You really do have great shopping karma.
03:59I think it's because I practice so much.
04:01Is this your bag?
04:02Huh?
04:03We have an unattended bag.
04:04Officer Kai, call the bomb disposal unit.
04:06The what?
04:07But it's just a bikini.
04:09I'll have to search it.
04:10No way!
04:11You can't just search me.
04:12I know my rights.
04:15Obstructing an officer.
04:17Oh, come on.
04:18You're kidding me.
04:19That makes one for you, too, Jim Suck.
04:21What?
04:22Sir, aren't you being a little hard?
04:24Don't let them get inside your mind, son.
04:26That's how they break you.
04:27I just put them down for a second to rest.
04:30So you were loitering.
04:30You're loitering.
04:35Officer Kai, assistance!
04:45Do you have receipts for these?
04:47Yes!
04:47They are not bombs, and they are not stolen!
04:50This is harassment.
04:52Why don't you find some real criminals?
04:54Oh, yeah.
04:54It's because you're not a real cop.
04:59Contempt of a security officer.
05:01That's a violation of...
05:02Oh, just give me the ticket.
05:10No riding skateboards on the escalators.
05:12I was carrying it, dude.
05:14But you were thinking about how good it would be to ride down, huh?
05:20Awesome.
05:21Conspiracy to ride a skateboard down the escalator.
05:23Gotcha!
05:24Oh, man.
05:28This rent-a-cop thing is really starting to bug me.
05:31Me too.
05:32I was not going to let him put his paws all over my new pumps.
05:36His partner, on the other hand, is really dreamy.
05:40Focus!
05:40This situation is totally out of control.
05:43The time for rent-a-cops to harass teenagers has come to an end.
05:46I could not agree more, dude.
05:49Definitely.
05:50Yeah, seriously.
05:50Oh, maggots.
05:52You're having a little party to discuss me, are you?
05:54We were having a private conversation.
05:57Well, this is a public space, punk.
06:00Hey, watch the deck, bro.
06:03That's it!
06:03You're all going on report for disturbing the peace.
06:06Illegal use of mall furniture.
06:08And just because...
06:10I don't like you.
06:12You got anything to say about that, bro?
06:16Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.
06:23You maggots have had the run of this place for 20 years.
06:27But we're only 16.
06:28Quiet!
06:29Well, now it's my turn.
06:30You've called down the thunder, and I'm going to strike like lightning.
06:35A technical point?
06:37Lightning comes before thunder.
06:39Congratulations, bookworm.
06:41You're officially on probation.
06:43I...
06:43Zip it!
06:44I'll be watching you.
06:50I'm being punished for my grasp of meteorology?
06:54That's it!
06:54We've got to do something about him once and for all.
06:57But what?
06:58The only way we'll be rid of him is if he gets fired, and that's never going to happen.
07:02He's the head security guy.
07:04You're right.
07:04They'll never fire him, so we're going to force him into early retirement.
07:09Here's what we're going to do.
07:11I think we can't see what the...
07:15I like your outfit, Jonti.
07:17Who's your tailor?
07:18Hansel from Düsseldorf?
07:20This is my new uniform for the Strudel Station, and it just so happens the chicks dig it.
07:25Nice outfit, loser.
07:28I think we all know who she was talking to.
07:31So, have you got it?
07:34Push this button, and all of the security alarms in the mall will go off at once.
07:40Ah, ah, ah!
07:41Not so fast.
07:42Do you have what I want?
07:48George Lucas' bar mitzvah tape!
07:52That dude needs to get out more.
07:54Focus, guys.
07:55Are we ready to initiate Operation Get Ron Retired?
07:59Check.
08:00Totally check.
08:01All right.
08:02Let's make some noise.
08:06Look at them.
08:07They're like pythons.
08:10Yeah, sure.
08:11No, wait.
08:11They're like cobras.
08:13Coiled to strike.
08:19We've got threat indicators.
08:20Every fire alarm in the mall is going off.
08:23That's impossible.
08:25Unless...
08:25I knew it!
08:27Officer Kai, you hold down the fort.
08:29I've got some teenage maggot butt to kick.
08:35Where are they?
08:37Where are they?
08:37Hey, Ron!
08:38You thought we were badly behaved before?
08:42I'm commandeering this vehicle.
08:44Woo-hoo-hoo!
08:45What the heck?
08:50Yo, Nicky!
08:55You ruined our intimate collection!
08:58You can't escape, maggots!
09:01I know this mall inside out!
09:04Coming through!
09:27That was so righteous!
09:31That was one for the books, but boy, do we have something good planned for tomorrow.
09:36Ooh, are we flooding the Gigantoplex or laying sod in the food cart?
09:40All right, maggots. I'm too old for this. You win, I quit.
09:47Woo-hoo!
09:49Don't get to the world! Don't get to the world!
09:51I hope you guys did it! Nice work!
09:54Don't get to the world! Don't get to the world!
09:56To a new era of freedom.
09:58Together, we will skateboard down the escalators of democracy.
10:03We will sip from the giant slurp of justice.
10:07We will enjoy the delicious taco of doing things that Ron didn't want us to do.
10:14Dudes, lady dudes, this is our Independence Day.
10:20Woo-hoo!
10:22Woo-hoo!
10:23Woo-hoo!
10:24Woo-hoo!
10:24Woo-hoo!
10:36Woo-hoo!
10:40Wow. You're really flexible.
10:43You know it, Babe!
10:48Uh-oh. That was an accident.
10:50Ah, don't worry about it.
10:52Ha! I love this guy!
10:55Come on, I'll buy you a pretzel.
10:58Kai?
11:00Jonesy?
11:02Anyone?
11:04I had no idea how much better life could be without Ron.
11:08You said it.
11:10Hi, Wyatt.
11:11Serena!
11:12Uh, hi.
11:13You look good.
11:14I know. I mean, yeah, thanks.
11:17Uh, so do you.
11:18Thanks.
11:19Did you see that jumping off a boat came out?
11:22Yeah, I, uh, thought about you.
11:24You said you wanted to go see it.
11:26I thought about you, too.
11:27Isn't it great we can think about these things without it being awkward?
11:31Yeah, not awkward at all.
11:34Well, Chad and I are going to see it tonight, so I'll let you know if it's any good.
11:37See you, Wyatt.
11:39Still kind of hard for me.
11:41Really? It doesn't show.
11:43You obviously still love her.
11:45Why are you here?
11:46I am drawn to you like a Jedi to the Force, young Padawan.
11:51Leave.
11:52Okay.
11:54I have to let her know I still have feelings for her.
11:56Have you been eating stupid sandwiches again?
11:58The girl knows how you feel.
12:00Trust me.
12:02Help!
12:03Hey!
12:12What do you want?
12:13Don't come any closer or I'll call him all security.
12:16Just a lemonade.
12:17Nothing more.
12:18Huh?
12:19Ron the Rent-A-Cop?
12:20Is that you?
12:21It's me.
12:22You may not have recognized me in my civilian clothing.
12:25What happened to you?
12:28Oh, nothing.
12:29I've just lost the will to live.
12:31I'm not fit for combat.
12:33They might as well put me out of my misery right now.
12:36No.
12:37What about your personal life?
12:39Friends?
12:40I tried arresting my cat, Mr. Snuffles.
12:43But the handcuffs were too big for his little paws.
12:47Okay.
12:48Well, what do you do for fun?
12:49Any hobbies?
12:50Lately, I've been staring at the walls quite a bit.
12:54Okay.
12:54I know you're supposed to be our sworn enemy, but I can't stand to see you like this.
12:59You need a new job.
13:00Who'd hire a washed-up bum like me?
13:07He seems a bit, um, rough around the edges for Philly and Pink.
13:12Just let him try.
13:13I think he'll do really well.
13:16Good choice, ma'am.
13:17That dress is great for so many reasons.
13:20It's sleeveless, making it great for grappling in close combat.
13:24And the lining makes good compression bandages for seeping wounds.
13:30Get a pair of these, and you can use them as a garotte.
13:33You're all set for urban assault duties, soldier.
13:39What'd I tell you?
13:41Don't worry.
13:42You'll fit right in.
13:43Hi, Nikki.
13:44Look who's here.
13:46What is Officer Psycho doing here?
13:48We've got to help him.
13:50He's a wreck.
13:51Hmm.
13:56Yeah, I'm going to file that under, not my problem.
13:59But we made him lose his job, and apparently he doesn't have much else in his life.
14:03No way.
14:04I'm not working with him.
14:06Ew, who are you?
14:08That's not the way we fold the t-shirts.
14:10I was folding shirts in the jungle when you two were in diapers.
14:14But you're right.
14:15I shouldn't be folding shirts.
14:17You should be.
14:19Now.
14:20Hold it.
14:20Fold it.
14:21Fold it.
14:21Fold it.
14:22Fold it.
14:23I want to see those shirts so tight I could bounce a quarter off of them.
14:26Do you get me?
14:28Yeah.
14:29Whatever.
14:30Not yet.
14:31Yes, sir.
14:32Let's try it again.
14:33Do you get me?
14:35Sir.
14:36Yes, sir.
14:37That's more like it.
14:38Let's see laps around the jean section now.
14:42On second thought, leave him with me for a while.
14:48Excuse me, sir.
14:49Girls done.
14:50Gaga?
14:51Yeah, that's not a real film.
14:53There's no fights, no stabbing.
14:55Try Highway of Guts.
14:59Ladies.
15:02You're back!
15:03Jonesy, Ron needs a job.
15:04But why here?
15:05I tried the khaki barn, but I had to get him out of there.
15:07He was planning an amphibious assault against Banana Village.
15:12Is this bridge to excruciating violence starring Max Fight?
15:16You make me want to puke, you slimy no-good cow-lickin' scum sucker.
15:22I'm gonna make you eat every one of those words.
15:26With a side order of knuckles, you stink monkey.
15:32Wow.
15:33You sure know your war movies.
15:36I should.
15:36I've lived them.
15:38Sometimes my mom and I, we'd reenact famous battles in the backyard.
15:42Well, all right.
15:43I guess you could work in the blood and guts section.
15:45I'll take it.
15:47This can't be happening.
15:48It's like dogs making out with cats.
15:52I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of this.
15:54You guys are the best.
15:56So, what are we doing tonight?
15:58We?
15:58Caitlin mentioned we were going to a movie.
16:00I'm looking forward to it.
16:05What's this about Ron coming out with us tonight?
16:08How are we supposed to scam popcorn?
16:10And free drinks?
16:11And chicks when he's with us?
16:13You guys will be fine.
16:15He's not that bad.
16:17Wait a minute.
16:17You guys?
16:18Yeah.
16:19I'll be at Sarah's party with Kai.
16:20No.
16:21You've got to fix this, Caitlin.
16:23Tell him no.
16:24I'm sorry.
16:25He just looks so sad and he has, like, no friends.
16:28And his cat won't even let him arrest her.
16:31What?
16:31Dude, you've got to convince Ron that he doesn't want to hang with us.
16:36Me?
16:36Come on, guys.
16:37After what we did to him, it's just one night.
16:39Maybe he's not so bad.
16:40I am not spending my Saturday nights with him because you wimped out.
16:44And you're better at breaking bad news to people.
16:47Fine.
16:48But what do I tell him?
16:49Just tell him Jude farts a lot.
16:52I do not.
16:54Jude!
16:59I don't like these foamy, effeminate, girly drinks.
17:05Give it to me black and straight.
17:08Can I get you anything else?
17:11Another skinny latte-cino?
17:14With an extra shot.
17:16So, what did you want to talk to me about, buddy?
17:18Well, I...
17:21Uh...
17:21Uh...
17:22Well...
17:23What's wrong with you, son?
17:25Oh, it's just a girl I used to be with.
17:28She's moved on, but I haven't.
17:31Nice.
17:32Is that the girl?
17:33You want me to talk to her?
17:35No!
17:36Let me talk to her.
17:38Yo!
17:38Cute girl at the counter!
17:40Yeah, you!
17:42What is your major malfunction, soldier?
17:44He loves you!
17:46Huh?
17:48So fall in love with him!
17:51Again!
17:52Right now!
17:53Do you hear me?
17:58Serena!
17:59You can thank me later.
18:01See you tonight, sport.
18:06He's only hanging around us because he has no life.
18:09That's it!
18:10We have to get him to take his old job back.
18:13I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I know how.
18:26What am I looking for again?
18:28The main hard drive!
18:30What?
18:30The one with the most lights!
18:32Got it.
18:34Done!
18:35The fire should unload in the mall mainframe in a few seconds!
18:39Wow!
18:40That was really something!
18:48That's a level 7 alarm situation.
18:51I've got to go.
18:51But I'm not the law here anymore.
18:54We need you, Ron Rent-A-Cop!
18:57Please!
18:57Darn it!
18:58You're right!
18:59I have a mall to save.
19:01Excuse me, I just gotta turn these off.
19:04Uh-oh.
19:05What's wrong?
19:06Lose something?
19:07My key ring!
19:08The mall security officer's most important tool!
19:11Remain calm, everyone!
19:15Save us!
19:16You're the only one who can!
19:18Ow!
19:19I've got to get to the security office.
19:21Let's roll, dude!
19:34Keys, private!
19:35Now!
19:36I can't find them, sir!
19:38You lost your keys, soldier?
19:39We'll talk about this later.
19:41Oh, look!
19:42There they are!
19:48I'm back, baby.
19:56Huh.
19:57All seems right in the world again.
19:59Yeah.
20:00And Ron's not coming to the movies with us tonight.
20:04Except Kai lost his job.
20:06Don't feel bad, dude.
20:07I got fired today, too.
20:08No worries.
20:09I got a job at Pink and Frilly.
20:11Oh, no.
20:11You're gonna have to quit.
20:13The uniform?
20:14Total turn-off.
20:15Feet off the table!
20:16All summer!
20:18Just, uh, kidding.
20:19This time.
20:20Hey!
20:22Come back here, punk!
20:23Guess everything's back to normal.
20:25Well, not everything.
20:28You call that a fool?
20:30Give me 20 now!
20:33You call that a fool!
20:35You call that a fool!
20:36You call that a fool!
20:37You call that a fool!
20:37You call that a fool!
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