- 1 day ago
Cecil B. Delusioned
Jonesy makes his own version of "Prank TV," using a video camera to tape Nikki. Wyatt is failing gym, and Jen helps him.
Jonesy makes his own version of "Prank TV," using a video camera to tape Nikki. Wyatt is failing gym, and Jen helps him.
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TVTranscript
00:10This magnificent mall offers something for everyone, from high fashion to the latest electronics and even an amusement park.
00:18How did you get a job assisting on WVU TV? Hard work, talent, and good looks.
00:26Oops. No, seriously. How did you get it?
00:29His uncle works at the station.
00:31Ah, now that makes sense.
00:33Thank you for joining me this week on mall TV.
00:37And clear.
00:39You nailed that.
00:40Yeah, get me a coffee, would ya?
00:42Yes, ma'am.
00:44With soy milk, no dairy, it makes me bloated.
00:46Right.
00:47Let's get out of here. Meet me at the truck.
00:49We still need some B-shots of the mall.
00:52Do you have any idea how uncomfortable four-inch heels are?
00:55Well, actually.
00:57I could take some shots of the mall for you.
00:59Ever used a camera?
01:00Sure, tons of times. I'm a filmmaker.
01:03What films have you made?
01:04Uh, documentaries, mostly. They're totally acclaimed.
01:08Give him the camera.
01:12Hello, new career.
01:14Hmm. Now, how do you use this thing?
01:22And dolly in to see everyone bored to death without Jonesy?
01:27Ha ha ha.
01:28Are you sure you should be playing with that thing?
01:31I know what I'm doing.
01:33Uh, you're not filming us, are you?
01:35They told me to get some shots of the mall, but I've got bigger plans.
01:39Oh, no.
01:40Is this the one where you have some sort of get-rich-quick scam?
01:43I've already seen it.
01:44Laugh now, but I could be the next big director.
01:47And I'll make all of you stars in my show.
01:49Thanks. I'll pass.
01:51Why?
01:51You'd be great on camera.
01:53Oh, I could give you a makeover.
01:56Listen carefully.
01:56I will never willingly submit to a makeover.
01:59Oh.
01:59Ever.
02:00Film her. She's the group ingenue.
02:03This is so exciting.
02:05I'm going to need a new outfit.
02:07Be back in a bit.
02:09Isn't she supposed to be working?
02:11I give you a shot at fame and fortune, and all you can think about is work?
02:15I'm going to find Jude.
02:18Explain what you're doing to the camera.
02:20What we'll be preparing today are stick-its.
02:24The main ingredient in the dish is the stick.
02:27Make sure they're really pointy at one end.
02:31After you stick them into some kind of meat, you put them on the grill.
02:37Then you have to keep an eye on them so they don't overcook.
02:43Sweet.
02:49Wrap it up, dude.
02:50We're burning film here.
02:51Okay, let's kick it up a notch.
02:55Whoa, fire, dude, fire.
02:59Whoa, whoa, quick.
03:00Move to the side.
03:01You're wrecking the shot.
03:02Fire.
03:03Dude.
03:04Dude, the fire is spreading.
03:07I know.
03:07This is great TV.
03:11And cut.
03:13That was awesome.
03:16What do I do now?
03:18It'll be at least a week before they can fix this.
03:20I've got it.
03:21Close the stick-it and be my on-air color commentator.
03:25Dude.
03:26Welcome to JudeVision.
03:28Buckle your seatbelts, because it's going to be an honor.
03:32Ouch.
03:33Right.
03:34Now go get me a latte.
03:35No foam.
03:36It makes me bloated.
03:37And meet me back at the lemon.
03:38Are you going to feel me getting it?
03:40No.
03:45What do you think?
03:46Too much material.
03:47I want to see you, not the dress.
03:50How many more days of high school do we have left?
03:53A lot.
03:54What's wrong?
03:54I'm failing a course.
03:56Big whoop, I'm failing too.
03:57What course are you failing?
03:59Never mind.
04:00It's too embarrassing.
04:01Come on, we won't laugh.
04:03Yeah, much.
04:04Come on, cough it up.
04:05No.
04:06I said no.
04:07Let us see.
04:08It's no big deal.
04:09Yeah, you big wuss.
04:10Let me see.
04:11No way.
04:12Hey.
04:13Okay.
04:14Bio A, literature A.
04:16Nice A on the calculus, dude.
04:18No way.
04:19Physical education F, you're failing gym class.
04:26Wow.
04:27I didn't think you could fail gym.
04:29I know.
04:30It's humiliating.
04:32You suit up, you kick a few balls, and you keep your eyes to yourself.
04:35How hard is that?
04:36Hold on, time out.
04:37What do you think?
04:40What is this?
04:41This is all wrong.
04:42Too boring and serious.
04:44I thought it looked professional.
04:46Boring and serious.
04:48Try again.
04:49Ah.
04:50How come I don't want a coffee, but I have to get one for you?
04:55It's called paying your dues, bro.
04:57I thought we were supposed to be thinking up new ideas for shows.
05:00We are, and I have.
05:02What do people love more than anything else?
05:05S'mores.
05:06Hockey.
05:07Reality cop shows.
05:09Dude, good one.
05:11Come on.
05:12We've got footage to capture.
05:13Carry this and hand me a fresh tape.
05:16You forgot your coffee.
05:18I didn't really want it.
05:19I just wanted you to get it for me.
05:20Oh.
05:22I've got an idea.
05:23Come on.
05:23What?
05:24What you're about to see is actual footage of rent-a-cops on patrol.
05:35All right, miss.
05:36What's the problem here?
05:38Last egg.
05:39Nothing, eh?
05:40That's your story?
05:41Yes.
05:42Here's your free taco, sir.
05:45I pay for this with my sweats.
05:47Napkins?
05:48Napkins.
05:49Tennis are for pansies.
05:53Yuck.
05:56Tennis is easy.
05:57It's all about hand-eye coordination.
05:59Did I mention I have none of that?
06:01Don't worry.
06:02We'll start with something simple.
06:04Just take the ball and gently tap it over to me.
06:07Okay, I'll give it a try.
06:10Ow!
06:11Sorry.
06:14Looks quiet enough, doesn't it?
06:16Yes, officer.
06:17It appears quiet.
06:19But lurking beneath this thin veneer of civility
06:22is a depraved army of violators waiting to be unleashed.
06:29Boys, we've got a 719 in progress.
06:31This is it.
06:32We're going in.
06:33We are now in pursuit of some 719 guy.
06:37Stop, you scumbag!
06:42No!
06:44You think you can take this mall and turn it into your own private garbage dump?
06:48Not on my watch, soldier.
06:50He's reaching for his medication.
06:52Get down!
06:56This is now official evidence.
06:58You can't do that!
06:59I'm the law around here, son.
07:01Step away from the cart.
07:04Great, now we have to start from scratch.
07:07Chill, dude.
07:08We'll think of something.
07:13I can't think of anything, bro.
07:16What did I tell you about tennis?
07:19Didn't I say, Jen, I can't play tennis?
07:23Just go find me some ice.
07:25Fine.
07:26Now that's what I'm talking about.
07:29You don't think it's too skimpy?
07:31Watch your mouth.
07:32There's no such thing as too skimpy.
07:34Okay.
07:35When do I start filming?
07:37Soon as we think of a show.
07:38How about a show about people who suck at tennis?
07:42I said I was sorry.
07:43No, you've got to have drama.
07:45People getting attacked by an animal or anything involving power lines.
07:48Yeah, or tricking people and filming them.
07:51That's funny.
07:52Jude, that's it.
07:53You're a genius.
07:54I am.
07:56Yeah, Prank TV starring Caitlin and Jude.
07:59It'll be a huge hit.
08:00Oh, I'm so in.
08:02Who are we going to prank first?
08:05Nikki.
08:09I could give you a makeover.
08:12Listen carefully.
08:12I will never willingly submit to a makeover.
08:15Oh.
08:15Ever.
08:16You're going to go on a girly girl date
08:18and convince Nikki to get a makeover.
08:20Cool.
08:21Dude.
08:21Wait.
08:22She'll never let me do that.
08:24She will if you trick her.
08:25But if she finds out, she'll kill me.
08:27Won't she?
08:28Let me tell you a little secret.
08:31Inside Nikki, there is the heart of a girly girl.
08:34And that girly girl is just dying to get out.
08:38Nikki will thank you.
08:39Okay, I'll do it.
08:41Well, count me out.
08:42Those shows are so evil.
08:44Fine, but if she talks to you, just play along
08:46or you'll ruin the whole gag.
08:47Okay, okay.
08:49Oh, I smell an award.
08:51Dude.
08:52Dude.
08:54Oh, brother.
08:58And action.
09:00Hey, dudes and dudettes.
09:03Welcome to Prank TV.
09:06Our victim is Nikki Wong, our accomplice, her friend Caitlyn.
09:14Caitlyn is going to trick Nikki into a day of bikini waxes and dress shopping.
09:20And Prank TV will be here to capture it all.
09:24Okay, we're going in.
09:29Our camera is ready.
09:31And here comes our accomplice.
09:34It's spooky time.
09:40Caitlyn, what's the matter?
09:42Remember that guy that I liked?
09:44Uh, what?
09:47He broke up with me.
09:50Okay.
09:51I thought you only went on one date.
09:54Yeah.
09:55But I really liked him.
09:59I know.
10:00I know.
10:00It's okay.
10:02I thought I was falling in love with him.
10:07What are you staring at?
10:10Um.
10:13Come on.
10:15Just take your time.
10:16No one's going to bug us in here.
10:18Is there anything I can do?
10:22Well, there might be one thing, but you wouldn't want to do it.
10:27Try me.
10:27Well, I could really use a distraction, you know.
10:31I really don't want to be alone right now.
10:35I could get the afternoon off.
10:37Then you'll spend the day with me and let me do a makeover on you?
10:41Oh, that would be so fun.
10:43Whoa there.
10:44Do I look like a spa person to you?
10:46Please?
10:48This is it.
10:48She's going to do it.
10:49Don't hurt.
10:51Hurry.
10:52Give me a bit more height.
10:54There's absolutely no other way to get your mind off the sky.
10:57Not that I can think of.
11:01Okay.
11:03Yay.
11:04You're going to love this.
11:06I seriously doubt that.
11:08She did it.
11:10High five me.
11:14You left me hanging with the high five, bro.
11:17Not cool.
11:20Wow.
11:21You really do suck at sports.
11:23I told you.
11:25The only things I liked to do as a kid were play guitar and video games.
11:28Thanks, anyway.
11:30Wait.
11:31Which video games?
11:32I was great at Invasion from Mars.
11:35The one where you block all those Martian bombs from hitting Earth?
11:39Yep.
11:39I had the highest score in fifth grade.
11:41Wyatt, that's it.
11:42It wasn't about the sport.
11:44It was about the position.
11:45You want me to play hockey?
11:47I told you I can't skate fast.
11:49Or stop.
11:49You don't have to to be goalie.
11:51You just have to have quick reflexes.
11:54Suit up.
11:55We've got training to do.
11:57Come on.
11:57Let's go.
11:59Prepare to be pampered.
12:00I'm not really the right person for this.
12:03Of course you are.
12:04There's a girl inside of you just dying to come out.
12:07Okay, fine.
12:09Come on.
12:16Darth, do you have a lens that would be good for, say, spying on people?
12:20Sure.
12:21I've got a few of them.
12:23Oh, you mean for sale here in the shop?
12:26Uh, yeah.
12:27Let me see.
12:28This is great for peering around corners and sneaking up on people without being noticed.
12:34According to the brochure?
12:39This'll do just fine.
12:41Snap!
12:45So, what do we do in here?
12:47We relax, and they work on our feet.
12:49Good afternoon, girls.
12:51Shoes off.
12:53Hmm?
12:53We'll need to see your toes if we're going to paint them.
13:04Let me fetch the nail clippers.
13:07I might have something big enough in the maintenance closet.
13:10Isn't this fun?
13:15You will look incredible when this is finished.
13:18Incredibly hideous.
13:20Oh, this is going to be so decent.
13:23Keep sliding it out.
13:24We've got to get footage of Nikki.
13:26Okay, your turn, gorgeous.
13:29Snake!
13:30Ah!
13:31Ah!
13:32Snake!
13:33Snake!
13:34Ah!
13:34Retract the device!
13:36Retract!
13:41Plan B.
13:43I've had enough of you!
13:44Yeah!
13:46I have never heard language like that from a client.
13:50Well, you'll hear plenty more if you touch me again.
13:53I'll bring you your clothes.
13:57Dude, that was the scariest thing I've ever seen.
14:01Did you get it all?
14:02Every second.
14:03Here you go.
14:05Follow me.
14:09Ugh!
14:10Oh, gross!
14:13Hmm, which one do you like better?
14:15Gee, I don't know.
14:16They both suck equally to me.
14:20Heh heh heh.
14:27Your makeover is almost over.
14:29But we need one more thing.
14:32Bikinis!
14:33Uh, no.
14:34This would look so hot on you.
14:37Oh, try it on, try it on, try it on!
14:40Ugh.
14:41Does your girly day really have to be this girly?
14:44Mm-hmm.
14:46No.
14:47It doesn't have to be.
14:51Fine.
14:52Let's get this over with.
14:56Yes!
14:56She's so awesome!
14:58Come on, we've gotta get this!
15:08I thought we were filming Nikki.
15:10Just keep crawling.
15:13Jen, you have to save me.
15:15Let me know if you need a new size!
15:17Ugh!
15:18I don't know how much longer I can do this without killing her.
15:21We're bikini shopping!
15:23You can't leave her now!
15:25Caitlin told me about that guy.
15:29She's in a very, uh, fragile state.
15:35See?
15:36You rock at being a goalie!
15:38I don't think you understand the sacrifice I'm making here.
15:41She'd do the same for you, and you know it.
15:43So just suck it up and let her finish making you over.
15:46Ugh.
15:47Okay, this prank stuff has gone too far.
15:49You've got to go rescue her.
15:51Sure.
15:52So how'd I do?
15:53Are you kidding?
15:54You stopped every single puck from going in.
15:56Is that good?
15:57Yes!
15:58Now get that gear off and go help Nikki.
16:01Yes!
16:03Have you got it on yet?
16:05Oh.
16:06Come on, girl.
16:07Straight your stuff.
16:12Well?
16:13What do you think?
16:15Hmm.
16:15Excuse me.
16:16You're blinding everyone in the store with your whiteness.
16:20Ugh!
16:21That's it.
16:23Ugh.
16:24Come on.
16:25I think I heard something this way.
16:27Ugh.
16:30Aw, dude.
16:31Did you have a chili bowl for lunch?
16:33Nope.
16:34Chili fries.
16:36Ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:38Aw, dude!
16:40No one said being famous was easy.
16:44Ugh.
16:45Ugh.
16:47Everything okay in there?
16:50Ugh.
16:51No, I'm stuck.
16:53Ugh.
16:54Stop!
16:55It's Lycra.
16:56The harder you fight it, the tighter it gets.
16:58Ugh.
16:59Ugh.
17:00Ugh.
17:01Cutting off my circulation.
17:03This is it.
17:03I see Nikki.
17:05Hubba hubba.
17:06Don't panic.
17:08Keep breathing.
17:09How did you ever get such a small size on?
17:12Do you want to die in a change room?
17:14Ugh.
17:15This is never gonna work.
17:16We need scissors.
17:17I'll get them.
17:20Oh, it's stuck.
17:21Hello?
17:22Help!
17:23Nikki?
17:24Are you in there?
17:25Wyatt?
17:25What are you doing here?
17:27Jen said you might need some rescuing.
17:28Uh, understatement of the year.
17:30The door is stuck.
17:31Can you get it open?
17:31I'll try.
17:35No, definitely stuck.
17:37I need you to hold me.
17:39Dude, a duct is the last place I feel like getting romantic.
17:43Hold me while I lean down to get the shot, fart knocker.
17:47You should talk, fart knocker.
17:49Maybe if I get some leverage.
17:52That's good.
17:53A little lower.
17:54This is so not worth dying for, dude.
17:57If you'd hold still, I could get your top off.
18:00Okay, so maybe it is worth it.
18:03Dude, I don't have a very good grip.
18:06I have the bikini.
18:07You pull on her.
18:09Okay.
18:09One, two, three, pull!
18:19Jude?
18:20Jonesy?
18:21Nice bikini.
18:23Wait a minute.
18:24Were you in the ceiling filming us?
18:26Jonesy?
18:27You never said you were going to do that.
18:30Hold on.
18:31You knew about this?
18:32Ooh.
18:33Ahem.
18:34Well, a teensy bit.
18:36And your little fantasy boy, Joe?
18:38She made him up.
18:40I don't believe this.
18:42Jonesy made me do it.
18:43Um, if you can't get that off, you're going to have to buy it.
18:46Ah!
18:48Everybody, out, out, out!
18:50Okay, I think that's a wrap, everybody.
18:52Ah!
18:53Ah!
18:54Ah!
18:55Sure.
18:55Leg wax.
18:57Bikinis!
18:58Shiatsu.
18:59Mudback.
19:00Seaweed wrap.
19:01So, when exactly do you think Nikki will be thanking me for this?
19:05Ah!
19:06Ow!
19:07This is the thanks I get for trying to make her a star.
19:14Can I at least buy you a smoothie?
19:16Oh, it's going to take more than that to make up for what you put me through.
19:20You're right.
19:21You know, I don't really think you need a makeover.
19:24Really?
19:24Oh, no.
19:25You look totally hot the way you are.
19:28Hey, guys.
19:28What's up?
19:29Oh, look who's here.
19:30Come near me with that camera again?
19:31And I'll shove it somewhere painful.
19:34Relax.
19:34They took it away from us.
19:36Fired again, huh?
19:37If you consider getting caught in the girls' change room and busting the camera just cause,
19:42then yeah.
19:43Hey, guys.
19:44Good news.
19:45I have a goalie for your Sunday night hockey league.
19:47Who?
19:47Jude?
19:48No.
19:48You?
19:49No.
19:49Nikki?
19:50Uh-uh.
19:50Caitlin?
19:51No.
19:52Wyatt!
19:53Dude!
19:53You actually found something you're good at.
19:55It's amazing, I know.
19:57Hey, what's that stuff all over your arm?
19:59I don't know.
20:00Some slimy stuff I spilled on myself at the spa.
20:03Was it warm when you spilt it?
20:05Yeah.
20:05I know how to get that off, but we can't do it here.
20:08Cool.
20:09Let's go.
20:09I think there's someone else's hairs in it.
20:12Ew.
20:12Ugh.
20:13You in on this?
20:15Oh, yeah.
20:18Hmm.
20:19So you can get this stuff off or not?
20:21That is only one way.
20:22Don't worry.
20:23It's quick.
20:24Just relax.
20:25Cool.
20:26Yeah!
20:28Yeah!
20:31Welcome to girlydom, Jonesy.
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