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Watch Going Dutch Season 2 Episode 7 (2025) full episode online in HD quality. Stream the latest episode of Going Dutch on Dailymotion now.
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00:04Congratulations, Major Shaw, on 20 years of distinguished service in the United States
00:10Army. I insisted on being here today in front of your friends and family to bestow this
00:15honor upon you and take it away from Colonel Quinn. Well done, Major Shaw. Thank you, sir.
00:22Thank you so much. Happy 20 years. Happy 20 years. I can't believe it. In my two decades,
00:32the American military has won and abandoned so much in the Middle East. But what's made it
00:37worthwhile are the friends and family I've made along the way, like all of you. Now, I know how
00:42much you like the movie Up. I do. I got 80 more of these in the van. You want to
00:46see if I can get
00:46lift off in a high ceiling room or what? I was hoping you'd say that. I know how much
00:51you love nasty grandma candy. Oh, hard candy wreath? Yeah. My favorite, including all the
00:57best flavors. Brown, light brown, and beige. Yes. Guys, this is too much. No, it's not.
01:02No. 20 years is deserving of an honorable gift. The singing cactus I sent you so many TikToks
01:09about. Is it the one that's inappropriately somber? Um. It is the one. Oh, this is just
01:19what I wanted. I did. I didn't know this was a thing. So. You're traditionally not into
01:25things. And. Oh, it's. You know, it's not a thing. It's not a thing. No, it's a big
01:29thing. 20 is not just a big thing. It's the biggest thing. Yeah. It means you get your
01:33pension and your lifetime health care. And more important than anything else, really, the
01:37respect and acknowledgement of Mua. A challenge coin? Yeah. Six different colors. You guys,
01:47thank you for all the gifts. I love you, man. Yeah, we can't watch it. Oh, also, I forgot.
01:52I got you, um, this. It's a matcha, and I just tried a little bit of it to make sure
01:56it's
01:56not too cold. I held it until the ice melted. You got him a drink that you already drank.
02:08Uh, this is going to hit the spot. Thanks. Do I have to drink it?
02:35Oh, are you packing for your camping trip? Celebrating Major Shaw's 20 years? It's a
02:40rite of passage. Yeah? I think it's great that the two of you get to spend some time
02:44together. One last hurrah. What are you talking about? Now that he's hit 20, he's
02:50considering retirement and has met with the transition officer at Baumholder. I don't
02:54believe you. I think you're lying. You know, this is privileged information that you cannot
02:58act on, which makes it more fun for me. Yeah, yeah. Hey! Hey, General Davidson. Didn't realize
03:05you were still here. Major Shaw didn't realize that you were still here. Hey, you know what?
03:08I was just checking the weather about our trip tonight, and it looks, it looks crazy. There's
03:12a cold front coming in. It's going to rain, and now they're saying snow. So I think maybe
03:15we should move it. Like six months to the summertime, you'll be here, right? I already got permission
03:19from Celeste for tonight. Not that I need a permission, because I am my own man. I do what I
03:23want to do.
03:23Sure. You know, but I'll check the calendar. All right. Great. Summer. Six months from now.
03:27Well, what about 12 months? Well, the app doesn't go that far. I have a feeling that the weather
03:31will be even better in 12 months. It's a feeling. That's not the app. What weather app are we
03:35looking at? Just answer the question. The, okay. Uh, well, the weather looks pretty great right
03:41now, so why don't we give tonight a shot and just see how it goes, maybe? Smart. Keep your options
03:46open. Okay, so then I'll see you tonight, Colonel, or in 12 months, maybe 18 months, because I don't
03:50know what's happening here. Okay. I hope I haven't ruined your trip. Oh, you haven't
03:56ruined my trip. It's the camping trip where I convince Shaw to become a lifer. The only
04:02thing that's going to convince Shaw of is that he should have retired five years ago. You
04:09need a hobby, sir. This is my hobby. Huh. I know you love seeing Celeste completely blow it in front
04:19of
04:19her husband, who you're secretly in love with. No, I did not. I really would like one side of the
04:24love triangle to be happy, right? What? That's good. Oh, yeah, come in. Okay, let me ask you guys
04:35something. Of course. Okay. Do you think that Abe was upset that, like, didn't do more for his
04:4120th? No. No. In fact, I think he might be upset at the idea of you being upset. More than
04:47he can be upset.
04:48I feel like that totally summarizes our whole relationship. We're constantly misinterpreting
04:52each other. I'll think he's, like, mad, but really he's just hungry. And then I'll think he's hungry
04:56even really. He just wants to make a baby. Yeah, straight couple's so crazy. I really want to make
05:02it up to him. I know he really loved those presents, especially that little cactus. Did he say that?
05:06I can tell. Can you or maybe he's hungry? I was hoping I could run some ideas past you guys.
05:12Yeah, we're actually so busy. We're so busy. Give us a list. How about a hot stone massage? Oh.
05:18I'll take some rocks from our yard, preheat the oven. Okay, hold on, hold on.
05:21Outside rocks? Mm-hmm. Yeah, those are jagged. Like, you need special
05:25stones. Special training certification. What if I made us dinner? Lovely. Well, that's better
05:31than rubbing on him with rocks. Yeah. Dinner in bed. Mm-hmm. Bed. Yeah, and I'll make his
05:36favorite spaghetti and meatballs. That sounds like a wet meal for bed. Mm-hmm. Like, too wet. Yeah,
05:41wet bed. Or, you know, even speaking of a dinner, you could plan a dinner with his friends.
05:46That is such a good idea. I don't know why I was overthinking it. Yeah, do that. Yeah, great. Do
05:50that.
05:50Mm-hmm. Would you guys help me plan it? Hmm? Because my marriage is kind of on the line.
05:58Oh, yes. Of course. Yes. Yes. Yes. We would love to help you. Oh. So you're going to save this
06:06marriage. Thank you. We are going to save this marriage. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. Save your
06:10marriage in three. Oh, yeah. One, two, three. Save your marriage. Great. All right, pal. Tonight is all
06:18about us, the woods, and some knives, and some whiskey, and some axes, and some guns, and a
06:24small cannon. A cannon? You won't find that in a civilian job. No, you won't. Well, I guess it's
06:28very state-to-state. Yeah, all I know is that I'm really looking forward to some time in
06:32nature to clear my head. You know what I mean? Thanks, pal. What are you doing? Oh. Who's
06:38driving? Me. Yeah, it's one of the perks of the 20-year club. You don't have to drive
06:41anymore. Hey. Don't worry. He's going to stay in the van. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's fine
06:44by me, man. So I finally finished Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah? For the second time. So I'm
06:50going to binge the Bible. Ah, complete unabridged audio book. Did you know it's the highest selling
06:54book of all time? Mm-hmm. Did know that. Yeah. Sold more copies in Da Vinci Code, which is also
06:59about Jesus, so I guess it's an extended Bible universe. You mean, uh, Christianity? No,
07:03no, no, no. No spoilers. Let's go. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, man. What are you doing here?
07:14Well, what you said about keeping Major Shaw in the army got me thinking. Oh, so you came
07:19to help me? Hell no. No, no, no. I just realized how much Shaw means to you, so I'm going
07:23to make
07:23sure you fail, and at the end... What? You're not invited. But being top of the chain of command,
07:28I get to invite myself wherever I wish to go. As a matter of fact, I crashed nine weddings this
07:33year and didn't bring a single gift. Oh, and also, I've invited a couple of lifers along that,
07:41uh, you know. Come on, man. Merkel and Funt, they're going to ruin the whole trip. Funt never
07:48talks, but his body makes so many noises. Let's go, boys.
07:56General. Lieutenant Colonel. And Major Charisma. Ha, ha, ha. What a treat. Slide over. Oh.
08:01Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Okay. You're coming along, too? Absolutely,
08:04because we're going to have some fun, my friend.
08:14Yep. You think the army made a man out of you now? Wait till you become a lifer. When you
08:18reject
08:19civilization completely on all its temptations, that's when your body allows you to get into
08:23peak physical condition. All right. Oh, that was fun. Why don't we fight with these anymore? Because
08:35we're lost as a society. And now, the Bible, written by God, read by Hank Azaria. In the beginning,
08:53God created the heavens and the earth. Now, the earth was formless and empty. Darkness was over the
08:58surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Let there be light.
09:05And there was light. Damn, that's a hell of a start.
09:10You're right. This is much better than doing it in bed, but we can still do our favorite,
09:14spaghetti and meatballs. That's so funny. I've never seen him eat that one time. Well, it was more my
09:21favorite, and then he started making it for me, and now we just always eat it together. Cute. Yeah.
09:26Yeah. Yeah. We could do that. We could have Shaw make your spaghetti and meatballs for his
09:32celebration dinner, or just spitballing. Um, I do know that there is a really authentic Indian
09:38place in town that Shaw really loves because it reminds him of his grandmother's cooking.
09:42So that's just an option. Yeah. Great. Okay. That's perfect,
09:47because I actually already ordered it. And they threw in the utensils for free.
09:50Great. Woo. You are doing such a good job. This is just going to be amazing. You're crushing it.
09:55I'll see you later. Okay.
10:02Look at you losers sweating your asses off. And not me. I got three layers on. I haven't sweat a
10:08drop.
10:09It might be a pituitary issue, sir. You should probably check that out.
10:11No, it's not. It's a control issue. I have power over my body.
10:17Uh, no thanks. I don't really like to drink that much. It, uh, it makes me yell.
10:20Well, if you're not yelling, are you really saying anything?
10:23You know what? Whatever. I'm not driving.
10:24There you go.
10:28Wow. Wow!
10:30Okay, here we go.
10:31Yeah, there it is. This is what it's all about. This is the life.
10:33It sure is.
10:34You know what? Let's make this a little more interesting with a little unfriendly competition
10:39that I learned from a couple of enlisted men. And never have I ever had my highest rank be
10:45colonel or lone. So drink up, you subordinate losers.
10:56Refusing to budge, the donkey turned to his owner and began to speak.
10:59Hey, did you not see the angel in the road? Talking donkeys. The Bible's like Shrek.
11:08And Shrek had a lot of animal sacrifice. Well, never have I ever launched a full-scale attack on a
11:16flock of geese.
11:18They were invading our airspace. They were migrating. Oh my god.
11:23I think, uh, I think I'm done. It's getting a little hot in here. I'm gonna...
11:25No, no, no. What are you talking about? This is the brotherhood. This is how we have fun, right?
11:30Make each other laugh. This is what you have to look forward to when you're a lifer.
11:34And we know we can trust you because you're an honorable and trustworthy person.
11:37You wouldn't abandon us and quit and take some stupid civilian job.
11:42Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that what this is about?
11:45Did you guys find out that I met with a transition officer?
11:48Well, nothing happens on my base without my knowing about it.
11:50Yeah, so we know you're leaving me, us, the army.
11:55I haven't decided anything, okay? This is a really tough choice and I just met with a transition
12:01officer because Celeste wanted me to. She's leaving the army and she wanted me to take
12:05my 20 and retire and possibly save our marriage.
12:10And I'm saying it's time to get rid of your ball and chain.
12:12What?
12:13The Colonel, of course.
12:14I am tired, old man.
12:16You, what are you starting now?
12:17I'm tired of your stuff, tired.
12:18You're constantly riding me.
12:19Because all you need to be rigged.
12:20Oh, really?
12:21Yeah, exactly.
12:22I can't, I just can't anymore.
12:24It's too much.
12:24It's too much for me.
12:25Stop, stop.
12:26You know what?
12:27I just wanted a night in the woods.
12:28That's it.
12:29Me, some axes, good times.
12:31My future might be hanging in the balance.
12:33But one thing I do know for certain is that I don't want to end up sad and alone,
12:36eating beans in a tent in some sick competition with my sworn enemy,
12:39because I don't have any wives left.
12:41But that's because he's a narcissist.
12:43No, he's the narcissist.
12:44You're both narcissists.
12:45I told you drinking makes me yell.
12:53Hey.
12:55Hey.
12:55How's it going?
12:56How are you doing?
12:57What's up?
12:57So, um, yeah.
13:00I could really use Rick Silver's number right now.
13:02You put his number in my phone for safekeeping and remember what we agreed to?
13:06That it had to be World War III and I would only get it if I wanted
13:09one last ride before the world ended.
13:10And is it World War III?
13:11No, but it's close, okay?
13:13I can't stop myself from helping Celeste try to save her marriage to a guy that I have fallen for.
13:19I offered to write her speech.
13:20What?
13:21Why would you do that to yourself?
13:22Because she couldn't find any word that rhymed with obligation.
13:25I can't help myself.
13:26Yeah.
13:26But you can help me.
13:27And Rick Silver is not the answer.
13:28He is a CIA liar who destroys your life like it's a foreign leftist government.
13:34I'm sorry, I'm not giving you his number.
13:36Kind of.
13:37Yeah.
13:38Do you know anything that rhymes with obligation?
13:40Frustration.
13:41Actually, do you have a pen?
13:42Girl, that's a less by her own speech.
13:44I'll go get my pen.
13:45A 15 mile hike over uneven ground.
13:48I've done worse.
13:50One of them.
13:51Not one of them.
13:52I can live my life in a library.
13:54Oh, this is bad.
14:08I know you're mad, but you can't leave me alone with these turds.
14:12All right, man?
14:13They're driving me crazy.
14:18Sha.
14:21Hey, Sha.
14:24Look, I told him the truth.
14:26Army life is hard.
14:27Yeah, it was just how we like it.
14:29Yes, yes, we do.
14:30But you know what?
14:31Let me ask you.
14:32Did you ever once think about leaving after 20 years?
14:35No.
14:35You neither.
14:36That's our answer.
14:38And as much as I would love to wound you, he's got to find it on his own.
14:43What are you, Buddha now?
14:45Do me a favor.
14:46Just focus on the search and try not to declare war on the geese.
14:50What's that?
14:51Uh, Bunt.
14:52He has a breathing issue.
14:54He had a handful of vertebrae removed.
14:56Help!
14:57Two o'clock.
14:57Two o'clock.
14:58Hey.
15:00Oh, yes.
15:02Uh, I sprained my ankle.
15:04I can't really put any pressure on it.
15:05Can you call for help?
15:06We don't call for help.
15:09We are the help.
15:10General, you remember how to make a stretcher?
15:12Bunt, stop breathing and find some branches.
15:17Three miles down and one to go.
15:22Hey.
15:22All right, guys.
15:23Let him down here.
15:26Let me see if I got a signal.
15:29Yep, I do.
15:32Come on, Papadakis.
15:33Let's go.
15:34Let's go.
15:34And before me was a pale horse, and the rider was dead.
15:40What?
15:42Death was riding the horse?
15:45Dude!
15:46The Bible is everything.
15:49Papadakis, you had one job.
15:52We're going to have to carry you the last mile or so.
15:54Okay.
15:54Here we go.
15:55One, two, three.
15:57You ready?
15:58Yeah.
15:59Don't worry.
16:00Only the last half is uphill.
16:11He's coming.
16:15Surprise!
16:18You did this all for me?
16:19Oh, it's funny.
16:20Yours is a big deal.
16:22Do you want a drink?
16:23Um, after falling down a hill and crying in a pile of leaves, I can confidently say I'm
16:28never going to drink again.
16:29So, Shirley Temple.
16:30Here, sit down.
16:31Sit.
16:32Congratulations, ma'am.
16:33Thanks.
16:36This is crazy.
16:37You look a lot better than you did in the van.
16:40Ah, yeah.
16:41I appreciate that.
16:41Yeah, it was...
16:42And, sir, I wanted to tell you something.
16:44What, that you have weak ankles?
16:45I knew that the first time I saw you walking a basketball court.
16:47Okay, please.
16:48I've seen oak trees with more lateral movement than you.
16:51What I was trying to say is that, I don't know if I'm going to stay in the Army, but
16:55I know
16:56that I was wrong.
16:58I would be proud to be one of you.
17:01You know, listen, I was wrong, is what Davidson would be saying if he was here, because everything
17:07that went wrong on this trip was his fault.
17:09The thing I did want to say to you is, I think you should take some time to really think
17:13about
17:13this, because it's not just like vaguely your future.
17:15This is like the rest of your life.
17:17So, I think you should share it with something that sees you for who you are and shares your
17:21passion and your values, whether that's the U.S. Army or something else.
17:25Like my wife?
17:27Yeah, he could be a person.
17:28You know, he could be a person.
17:30You biting your tongue right now?
17:31No, cheek.
17:33If I bit down in this heart of my tongue, I'd lose it.
17:38Hello, hi, I want to thank everybody for coming out here to celebrate Abe.
17:48I'm sorry, I can't put myself away.
17:50Dead Sea Scrolls just dropped and there's like a lot of debate on the message boards whether it's
17:53getting or not.
17:54Abe, there's nobody like you.
17:57You're obsessed with Broadway shows, but you don't want anyone to know, like we don't hear
18:02you singing Suddenly Seymour in the laundry room.
18:05We can.
18:06You only own one bowl and you wash it after every use, an impressive system that we should all follow.
18:12The thing I love most about you is your unique ability to be there for us without us knowing
18:20it.
18:21You support us, you make us feel like we're doing it all on our own.
18:25You're the sky, the moon, the grass.
18:30You don't demand attention, but nothing would be the same without you.
18:35My life wouldn't be the same without you.
18:37So, uh, let's all raise our glasses to Abe.
18:45Is that okay?
18:46Thank you for that.
18:47Okay.
18:48To this.
18:49Yeah.
18:52Ooh, biryani?
18:53Yes.
18:54The alugobi?
18:55Let it go.
18:57Careful with that.
18:58Hop, hop.
18:58I'll get better at it.
19:00Okay.
19:00All right.
19:01Look, Celeste, I know things have been a little tricky for us, and I know we've been
19:05talking a lot about, um, whether a future together makes sense, right?
19:08And, um, after that toast, it just confirmed it.
19:12I mean, you understand me more than I was sure of before.
19:16And so I know that we can make this-
19:17I didn't write the toast.
19:19Or plan this magical night.
19:22Maggie did.
19:23Wait, Maggie?
19:24I'm so sorry.
19:25I know that I messed up and I wanted to make it right,
19:29but I didn't really know where to start.
19:32And we've just been having such a hard time.
19:38Yeah.
19:38Yeah.
19:41It shouldn't be this much work.
19:44No.
19:46No one can say we didn't try.
19:48We tried so hard.
19:49I mean, we wore those marriage counselors out, but it feels like we both know it's over.
19:54Hmm.
19:56And I've always been bothered by that one bowl system.
19:59I-I think it's normal to have 12 bowls.
20:01Okay, what are you gonna do?
20:02Invite 11 people over for a cereal party?
20:04I'd like to have the option.
20:10Seriously, Maggie?
20:11Me?
20:13The sky, the grass, the moon?
20:15Oh, so that's how you feel, Michelle?
20:19I would have delivered it better.
20:23Yeah.
20:26Yo!
20:27Dead Sea Scrolls has Goliath at 6'6".
20:31David about to cook this fool.
20:33For real.
20:34Okay.
20:35You can get a cook, Joe.
20:41I just want to explain this to a layman.
20:43So there are talking animals.
20:45Right.
20:46And a talking bush.
20:47And talking people.
20:48But a lot of books have that.
20:49Right?
20:50But this book?
20:51CIA agent Rick Silver.
20:53Oh my god, you came.
20:54What's up?
20:54Oh my god.
20:56Babe, I am so glad you Facebook messaged my mom.
20:59I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
21:01That's okay.
21:01I stopped listening after babe.
21:02Come here.
21:04Oh, it's so reliably hot.
21:07I know I am.
21:08You are too.
21:08Right.
21:08You are too.
21:10You are too.
21:11Oh my god.
21:13Hey, um, has anyone seen Maggie?
21:16Yes, everybody's seen Maggie.
21:18Over there with the worst ex-boyfriend to ever do it.
21:22He's like glitter from the strip club.
21:25It's going so well.
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