- 6 days ago
Watch Going Dutch Season 1 Episode 7 (2025) full episode online in HD quality. Stream the latest episode of Going Dutch on Dailymotion now.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Let's go!
00:02She has no recollection of the last eight years.
00:06I came here to help you.
00:07Kitchen Nightmares.
00:08Are you in?
00:09And Going Dutch.
00:12First guns I've seen on the base.
00:14All available now.
00:23Hey, you, boy!
00:25What the hell's going on?
00:27It's Christmas, Seth!
00:28No, it's not. It's the middle of spring.
00:30And why are you talking like that?
00:32I'm Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol.
00:34We're performing it today.
00:36Yeah?
00:36You better work on that limp,
00:37because I ain't buying it for a second, pal.
00:39You're not limping. You're just hopping.
00:42I'm going to decorate the tree, of course.
00:48Tell me, Colonel, have you been a good boy?
00:50What the hell's going on?
00:52You don't know?
00:53No.
00:53During Second World War,
00:55Stroopstaff couldn't celebrate Christmas
00:56because we were under enemy occupation.
00:58And after we got liberated...
01:00You're welcome, by the way.
01:01...we decided to celebrate in spring instead.
01:03So now we celebrate Christmas twice a year.
01:06Twice Christmas!
01:07Why are you dressed like Rue Pope?
01:09I'm Dutch Father Christmas, known as Sinterklaas.
01:13A svalt man who travels from Madrid
01:15in a turpot full of oranges
01:17just to put candy in little children's boots.
01:19So let me get this straight.
01:21You're a fruit peddler who's got a foot fetish.
01:24Is that the idea?
01:25At least it's not as idiotic as your Santa Claus,
01:27that grinning mascot for your country's obesity
01:30and the whore to your corporations.
01:32Yes, I said it. A whore.
01:34I'm going to give you literally three seconds to disappear.
01:37I'm going to hit you in the head with an orange.
01:38Colonel, it's twice Christmas, Colonel.
01:39Yeah, I'm going to hit you twice as hard.
01:41No, Colonel, are you crazy?
01:42No, don't do it!
01:44It's Christmas!
01:52Oh, my God!
01:53Colonel, no, please be a good boy!
01:55Colonel!
01:57Maggie!
01:58Jan!
01:59Are you okay?
02:00Help me!
02:01What happened?
02:02Your father was throwing oranges at me.
02:04I've never seen him so brutal.
02:06I should have known.
02:08My father despises Christmas.
02:11Ruined every single one until I was like 16.
02:12The day after Thanksgiving, when the decorations went up,
02:17that was...
02:18that was my Black Friday.
02:20I'm pretty sure that's everyone's Black Friday, but yeah.
02:23It's going to be everyone hears Black Tuesday
02:25unless I stop him, because he will cancel twice Christmas.
02:30He will take away Christmas like the fuzzy green crump of legend.
02:35There is no amount of boo-hooing from Whoville
02:37that's going to make his heart grow any bigger.
02:39He already takes pills for that, so...
02:43Perfect.
02:44Be careful with that.
02:46General!
02:46Colonel!
02:47I didn't know you'd be here.
02:48Also, as a quick follow-up, why are you here?
02:49I admit I'm a man of basic tastes.
02:52I like Michael Buble, chicken teriyaki, the films of Ron Howard,
02:55but most of all, I love Christmas.
03:00And this is the only place on Earth where you can get it twice.
03:03I come here every year, and if I'm a lucky boy,
03:08Santa may make an appearance today.
03:11Ha-ha!
03:14Okay, I thought you were joking.
03:15And the joke would be?
03:17General, I got your new fit, and it is fire.
03:22Let's just say my guy in Prague knows his way around
03:24crushed red velvet and white fur.
03:25So, you're Santa.
03:28I can neither confirm nor deny, but I can say,
03:31Santa and I have never been seen in the same room together.
03:37Listen up, I am sick of you always ruining Christmas,
03:40and I am not going to let you Scrooge us over.
03:43Ho, ho, ho.
03:44Oh, my God.
03:45What?
03:45I can't say ho anymore?
03:46You look, um, festive.
03:49I decided to join in the fun.
03:52Is there a gun pointing at you right now?
03:55Just the gun of intimate moments and sexual compatibility.
03:59It's starting to make sense.
04:01Mm-hmm.
04:02Yeah, your father had reservations at first,
04:04but upon my explanation, he understood the holiday's importance
04:08and agreed to join in tonight for my twice Christmas party.
04:12So, we are looking forward to celebrating our first Christmas dinner
04:17as girlfriend and boyfriend.
04:20Girlfriend and boyfriend?
04:22Yes.
04:23Is that a problem?
04:24No.
04:24I'm just, uh, not used to the concept.
04:28Yeah.
04:29Oh, maybe try blow-drying your hair?
04:31No, I meant, um, in relation to him.
04:36I have heard my dad referred to as a husband, an ex-husband,
04:39and, uh, a phone number that I call to have a strange woman answer.
04:42Is this one of your whores?
04:43Uh-huh.
04:44This is new for me as well,
04:46but things have progressed to a point
04:49that we decided to, as you say, make it official,
04:54by elevating him to the lead lover in my stable of men.
04:58Number one with a bullet.
04:59Okay.
05:00I'm gonna, um...
05:02Where are you going?
05:02I'm gonna head out.
05:03Some stuff to, um...
05:04Okay.
05:04...throw up.
05:05She is so repressed.
05:07I know.
05:07It's her mom.
05:11Hey, Major.
05:12Hey.
05:13Looked like you were just about to cry.
05:14No, I'm good.
05:15What are you doing here?
05:16Part of the deal I have with the colonel
05:18for not kicking me out of the army for being this awesome...
05:21Yeah.
05:21...is that I have to keep my awesomeness hidden
05:23when General Davidson is here.
05:24So I sit in here, make all day chili, and eat it all day.
05:27Mm.
05:29Why are you hiding in the kitchen?
05:30I can't take any more of this twice Christmas.
05:32It's like, once is enough, right?
05:33Mm-hmm.
05:34Okay.
05:34Staying up all night.
05:36Wrapping presents for your stepson.
05:38Drinking Santa's milk.
05:39Googling, how do reindeer eat?
05:41To best mimic carrot bites.
05:44But then his mom and you split up,
05:46and all you're left with are memories that taunt you.
05:48I didn't know he got the stepson.
05:50Oh, had a stepson.
05:51Okay, I'm gonna need you to stop there.
05:52I'm sorry, man.
05:53I have this weird thing where I get super bummed
05:55when I hear about dead kids.
05:57What?
05:57It's like how some people hate the word moist.
05:58No!
05:59He's not dead!
06:00What are you talking about?
06:01No!
06:02I just can't talk to him right now because his mom and I are mid-divorce, which is...
06:05Oh, thank God!
06:06Well, like your ex-wife, I'm gonna need some space
06:09because it's a part of all-day chili where I end up needing to do something else all day.
06:13Okay, say no more.
06:14I'm gonna go to my office and watch one of those devastating photo montages that my phone sends me every
06:18day.
06:19Mm-hmm.
06:19Okay.
06:20Yeah.
06:22I'm gonna chase myself out of here if there's another like that in the chamber.
06:26Katia, Katia, Katia, Katia, Katia.
06:28You didn't hear me.
06:29I was like, Katia, Katia.
06:30Oh, that was you.
06:31Um, I just wanted to say thank you so much.
06:34Oh, please.
06:36The blow dryer was just a suggestion, but you should take it.
06:40Oh, it's Christmas.
06:41Oh, it was nothing.
06:42Have a nice day.
06:43He's always the worst with Christmas.
06:47One year, he actually cut off his finger to get out of Christmas dinner,
06:50which he said was an accident, but I knew was not the case.
06:53Why are you telling me this?
06:54Because I promised to do my best to wrangle him tonight.
06:59Tonight?
07:00Yes, at the party.
07:01I'll keep him in check.
07:02Oh, that's so kind of you, but unnecessary since you're not invited.
07:07I'm so sorry.
07:08I didn't know that it was like an intimate affair.
07:12It's actually quite large.
07:13Oh, I just did not invite you because I do not like you.
07:19Happy twice Christmas.
07:27Bing bong.
07:29Hi.
07:29I rang the doorbell, but you weren't answering.
07:32So you decided to surprise me to the back door.
07:36You are your father's daughter.
07:39Um, I realized that I forgot to give you your twice Christmas gift.
07:43I just remembered once that you said that you're an Aries,
07:45so it's a bracelet with your astrological sign.
07:47So overly thoughtful.
07:49Yes, it's no problem at all.
07:50Um, hey, while I'm here, I was thinking about that little thing that you mentioned earlier.
07:56That I don't like you?
07:58Yeah.
07:59Yeah.
07:59And it occurred to me, of course, you don't like me because you don't know me.
08:04Right?
08:05And if you just get to know each other, you'd realize-
08:07Please, let me save you from embarrassment.
08:08Oh, of course.
08:10The very reason I do not like you is because I do know you.
08:13You are a people pleaser who uses gifts as currency in a doomed economy of validation.
08:19Which is why you're still dressed like you're at your soul.
08:21Because all you truly want is daddy's approval.
08:25Well, embarrassment saved.
08:27Yeah.
08:27You came here to please me, so I might tell him to love you.
08:31But I'm not your mommy.
08:34I will not suckle you.
08:36You cannot afford it.
08:38No.
08:38I'm here because you are in a relationship with my daddy.
08:41With my dad.
08:43And I figured that we should also have a relationship.
08:47That's all.
08:49Um, but I'll-
08:52No.
08:52You know what?
08:53Maybe I misread you.
08:56Let us start again.
08:57Yes.
08:58Would you mind giving me a hand to prepare dinner?
09:00We are making venison.
09:02Oh.
09:03Yum.
09:04Yes, I would love to.
09:05How can I help?
09:08Aww.
09:10Kill the baby.
09:12Sorry?
09:13Uh, the fawn.
09:14Kill it.
09:14For dinner.
09:15Kill the baby fawn.
09:17Yes, the big one is too tough.
09:19Right.
09:19And the big one is-
09:20The mother.
09:20The mother.
09:21Right.
09:21I could kill the baby in front of his mother.
09:24It's, um, it's reverse Bambi.
09:26Right.
09:27Okay.
09:27Yeah.
09:27Right.
09:28I am a trained soldier, you know?
09:30And I am-
09:31Yes.
09:32Trained to kill the enemy.
09:33Okay.
09:35You would take the life of this beautiful creature.
09:38No, I didn't want to, but you asked.
09:39I didn't want to.
09:40I didn't want to kill it.
09:40I didn't love Bambi.
09:41I didn't want to do it.
09:42So you did it.
09:42Because I asked you nicely.
09:44Yeah.
09:44So I asked you nicely.
09:45You would betray your own feelings and slaughter little loners?
09:48Oh, God.
09:49I'm sorry.
09:49Go home.
09:50Captain Quinn.
09:51Um, it would have been quick.
09:57Major, I got some good news.
09:59So I reached out to your ex-wife Celeste.
10:01You did what?
10:02And I FaceTimed with your beautiful ex-wife Celeste.
10:07Corporal, do not mistake my kindness for weakness.
10:12Don't mess with my family.
10:13Relax.
10:15Celeste and I had very little chemistry when we...
10:21What is going on here?
10:23Just trying to decide which of the 12 objects on my desk I will use to kill you with.
10:27A pen?
10:28It's too fast.
10:29Okay.
10:30Well, I spoke to Gabriel.
10:33Gabriel?
10:33And he made you a video saying hi.
10:36That's why I came in here.
10:37Sit down, please.
10:39This one.
10:44Hi, Abe.
10:45Your friend convinced mom to let me send a message.
10:48How's the Netherlands?
10:49I want to show you something I've been working on.
10:51Oh, he's bringing out his tuba!
10:53We're in for a treat.
10:54Yeah.
10:57This is one of the best gifts anyone's ever gotten to me, so thank you.
11:00Gabriel, time for dinner.
11:02Abe, I gotta go.
11:04Terrence made a smash burgers.
11:07Terrence!
11:07Terrence!
11:08Terrence!
11:10Who the hell is Terrence?
11:12You are not going to believe this.
11:16Katya doesn't like me.
11:19You already knew that.
11:20Yeah.
11:20I thought it was pretty obvious.
11:22Why would it be obvious?
11:24I don't know.
11:25Look on her face every time you enter a room.
11:26That would be one clue.
11:28And you're okay with this, with the fact that your girlfriend hates me.
11:32Okay, listen.
11:33She doesn't hate you.
11:34That, you know, she just doesn't like you, you know, a lot.
11:38Oh.
11:38That bothers you?
11:39No.
11:41Maybe.
11:41Yes.
11:42A lot.
11:42The whole army basically hates my guts and I couldn't care less.
11:46And like what?
11:47Two people?
11:48You know, don't.
11:49I shouldn't have said two people don't like you.
11:51No.
11:52I'm not getting into this.
11:53I'm not.
11:54Tell me their names.
11:54I'm busy sucking it up, getting ready to get myself to Katya's Christmas dinner.
11:59I don't remember you ever sucking it up for any of my Christmases growing up.
12:04I know.
12:04You know why?
12:04Didn't have a strategy.
12:05If you think about it, these parties, the dinners, all of it, it's like a land war, right?
12:09What solves that?
12:11Tanks.
12:11So I am taking the tank to her Christmas dinner.
12:16Wait, is this a metaphor or are you actually bringing a tank to a party?
12:20Yes.
12:20Can you believe it took me this long to come up with that concept?
12:24This Terrence guy.
12:25He just shows up in my family's life and I don't know anything about it.
12:27Nobody even talks to me about this.
12:30Terrence.
12:31What kind of a guy has a name like Terrence?
12:33Terrence McDowell.
12:34Sorry, man.
12:35That's a hot name.
12:36How do I know that this guy is safe to be around?
12:38He could be like a killer.
12:40Or a thief.
12:41Or one of those cartoonists who are really good at their job but they also draw your flaws in like
12:45a really mean way.
12:46Find out more.
12:47Well, that's kind of the problem because this guy has like zero digital footprint.
12:51Okay, there's this Facebook profile that he deleted in 2011 where he lists his favorite band as trains.
13:01I love my stepson.
13:02I can't stand idly by and let him meet Virginia.
13:05Anything more would require like a security clearance above you.
13:09Even the Colonel.
13:11But not General Davidson.
13:21And what do you want from Santa?
13:23For him to authorize domestic surveillance of an American citizen.
13:28More specifically, my soon to be ex-wife's new boyfriend.
13:30That's a hell of an ask major.
13:32And that boy asked for a body pillow for humping.
13:37It's your fateful companionship.
13:39Geert, if you were a dog, they would have neutered you for less.
13:47I am confused.
13:49Why are you upon my doorstep?
13:51Oh, I am crashing your party.
13:53Uninvited.
13:54Do you like that?
13:54No, I do not like that.
13:56Oh, good.
13:56You're gonna love this.
13:58No gift.
13:59Would a people pleaser crash a party with no gift?
14:04I don't think so.
14:06But I am gonna need you to take this.
14:08I am not an animal.
14:10So just take that and I'm gonna crash this way.
14:13Merry Christmas, y'all.
14:18Everyone, this is Captain Margaret Quinn.
14:21She is Patrick's daughter.
14:23She was not invited.
14:27Hi, everyone.
14:29I'm just here to prove to Katya that I am not a people pleaser.
14:33I don't care if Katya likes me.
14:35I actually don't care if any of you guys like me.
14:37And you're last.
14:37Oh, what a look.
14:39Super look.
14:40Super look.
14:40Dana.
14:41What are you doing here?
14:42I was invited.
14:44Fantastic.
14:46Oh, who had it?
14:47Everyone, dinner will be served very shortly.
14:52Oh, raw meat.
14:54Disgusting.
14:54It's gourmet.
14:57Gourmet.
14:57Gourmet.
14:58Yeah.
14:59Yes, we grill our food.
15:00So we have to cook it before we eat it.
15:03Oh.
15:03God.
15:04Are we guests at this dinner or are we working it?
15:08No wonder she didn't get invited.
15:10The whole spread is, uh...
15:12Beautiful.
15:13Bad.
15:14Yeah.
15:16You are a little baby.
15:18Now you go find your father and tell him he cannot let his little baby wander around my party.
15:26Oh, hey.
15:27Hey.
15:27Huh.
15:28I get it.
15:30This is the tank.
15:31Every terrestrial campaign has been won by armor, including this one tonight.
15:36I've never seen you drink white wine in my life.
15:38I know this is 90% vodka, because otherwise I'm going to kill somebody out there.
15:43I need...
15:43There you are, Colonel.
15:44Oh, Beatrix, you found me again.
15:47Beatrix was telling me for, um, for a long time about how she makes chairs that are uncomfortable for people
15:53to sit in.
15:54Yeah.
15:55Human comfort is not the reason for an object to exist.
15:58It is the reason chairs exist, though.
16:00You know, my foot's killing me.
16:01I'm going to go in the kitchen and take some aspirin and, uh...
16:03No, I think you could stay.
16:04No, no, you should stay.
16:04This is a very interesting conversation.
16:05I can't.
16:06You can't.
16:06Because my foot hurts.
16:07Yeah, make a hole.
16:08There we go.
16:09Ah, you got me again.
16:11I think you didn't hear me the first time.
16:13Excuse me.
16:14Make a hole!
16:16Move!
16:17Move it!
16:18I should probably...
16:19When I place my part on Beatrix's chairs, the beating life of its creators enters me.
16:25Well, I wish I had a tank.
16:31Ugh!
16:31It is exhausting being that rude.
16:34I don't know how you do it all the time.
16:35It takes years of practice.
16:37What are you doing?
16:38Feeling, like, boxed in, like I need an escape plan.
16:41Here it is.
16:42Okay.
16:43You, take that, are going to cut off one of my fingers.
16:46Why?
16:46Does everyone keep handing me knives?
16:48Here we go.
16:49Let's go pinky.
16:50It's good for both of us, because you'll have to take me to the hospital.
16:52We'll both get out of it.
16:53No, you wish.
16:54Very disappointing.
16:55So you did cut off your pinky in 1994?
16:58Yes, this one.
16:58I knew it!
17:00You know, you're always on this thing about, like, we're not close enough and blah, blah,
17:04blah, do stuff together.
17:05Can I have some of the vodka wine?
17:07Yeah, it's strapped under my scooter.
17:11There's not enough vodka wine in the world to numb me to these morons.
17:15Beatrix followed me around for 20 minutes, lecturing me about how Ottomans aren't just
17:18backless chairs.
17:19Like, I need to know that.
17:20I don't get it.
17:21Why don't you just tell Katya that you hate it and leave?
17:24No.
17:25Don't tell the truth in a situation like this.
17:27What are you, nuts?
17:28Here's what we could do.
17:29You could step it up a notch.
17:30Cause a scene.
17:31You could cut one of your fingers off.
17:33You want me to ruin Christmas.
17:36I'm not doing this anymore, and I'm not going to be unlikable just for one person to like
17:41me.
17:43I'm going to go save Christmas.
17:44Alright, I'm coming.
17:45I'm going to save this Christmas so hard.
17:47Wrong leg.
17:48Thanks again for helping with this, General.
17:50Honestly, Shaw, I sympathize with you.
17:53I mean, all my exes have new boyfriends and they all look like the next Bachelor and not
17:57the golden ones.
17:58Alright, what did I miss on this train-loving clown?
18:03You're in the army?
18:05Oh, yeah.
18:07Sorry, I got sick of hiding in the closet.
18:09I ran out of chili, so...
18:13You must drive the Colonel insane.
18:16I live in his head rent-free.
18:17Ha!
18:18I love it.
18:19Santa is going to give you all the cookies you can eat.
18:22Ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:23Shaw, we input the coordinates, we use the eye in the sky, and we watch your ex's house.
18:33Just to make sure they're in good hands, that's all.
18:35Ha!
18:35We have a visual.
18:37They're having a catch.
18:39Gabriel seems fine.
18:41Yeah, he's doing okay.
18:43Alright, I may have overreacted.
18:46Well, you miss him, and he misses you too, and so does Celeste.
18:49Because I took it upon myself to send her a series of very flirtatious messages hitting on her super hard.
18:55She didn't buy it.
18:56Not one bet.
18:57Okay, what are you doing with Celeste and your...
18:59Okay, this isn't even about me and her, but yeah, I'll call her and I'll ask if I can start
19:03FaceTiming with Gabriel.
19:04Perfect.
19:04You're welcome.
19:05Stop texting my ex's.
19:07I'm not going to stop texting Stacy.
19:09Wait, Stacy from summer camp?
19:10Yeah.
19:11Her marriage is hanging on by a thread.
19:14Okay.
19:16Oh.
19:18Excuse me, everybody.
19:20I would like to make a toast that there are so many different walks of life represented around this table.
19:28And chairs.
19:29Yes, Beatrix and chairs.
19:32Isn't that the meaning of twice Christmas?
19:34Having a second chance to gather in peace and harmony around this beautiful meal, around this table.
19:43Oh, my God.
19:45I told you, you have got to stop drinking.
19:49I'm going to take her to the hospital and then to the rehab center.
19:52You did a great job.
19:52They did not do this on purpose.
19:54Okay.
19:54I will take her.
19:56What?
19:56I understand the bureaucracies of social medicine.
20:00I'll drive both you guys to the hospital then.
20:02Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:03No.
20:03You must stay.
20:04It's your first twice Christmas.
20:06I don't want you to cut off your jubilation.
20:08Come on, baby.
20:09Oh, okay.
20:10No.
20:10Happy Christmas, everybody.
20:12Twice.
20:12Twice Christmas.
20:14Yeah, forget it.
20:15I don't know about you guys, but here's to jubilation.
20:25You don't have to wait with me.
20:27I know you do not like me and you don't have to pretend to just because I'm, uh, injured.
20:33I did not like you.
20:35And you are a people pleaser who craves attention.
20:37What?
20:38But you were also a crazy woman at my twice Christmas dinner.
20:42I like that.
20:43Some of my favorite people are a little bit crazy.
20:46Oh.
20:46Your father.
20:47Yeah.
20:48My lover, Julia.
20:49Although we don't say crazy.
20:51She's diagnosed bipolar.
20:52Well, what I'm hearing is that I'm one of your favorite people.
20:58Oh, not even close.
21:00But you owned your insanity.
21:03I like you 13% more.
21:08Yes!
21:10Next year, it'll be 20.
21:14Tables come in a variety of sizes.
21:17Yeah, but it's not really about the size of the table.
21:19More like the size of the world.
21:20Especially once you introduce the concept of shapes.
21:23Yeah, but you must.
21:24You absolutely must.
21:25Shut up with the shapes.
21:29That's it.
21:30I'm out.
21:31I've had it.
21:32That's right.
21:33Yeah, I can walk.
21:34It's a Christmas miracle.
21:36Ooh, God bless us, everyone.
21:38Except you with the weird hat.
21:41We know you have an oddly shaped head.
21:42You can go to Furniture Hell.
21:43Oh, wait a minute.
21:44We're in it.
21:45Ooh.
21:46Ha ha ha ha.
21:47It's going so well.
21:49It's going so well.
21:51It's not quite that much.
21:51Ooh.
21:53It's going so well.
21:54It's going so well.
21:54It's going here.
Comments