- 17 hours ago
First broadcast 28th November 1977.
Initially opposed to George's idea of taking in a lodger to make more money, Mildred changes her mind when the charming salesman Edward Rogers turns up to rent their back bedroom.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Catherine Kessler - Brenda
Harry Littlewood - Frank
Derek Waring - Edward Rogers
Initially opposed to George's idea of taking in a lodger to make more money, Mildred changes her mind when the charming salesman Edward Rogers turns up to rent their back bedroom.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Catherine Kessler - Brenda
Harry Littlewood - Frank
Derek Waring - Edward Rogers
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00The End
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00Why can't I have a skateboard?
01:07Every boy in my class has got a skateboard except me.
01:10Now, don't exaggerate, Tristram.
01:12Well, one boy's got one, Alistair Smith.
01:15His father's probably rich.
01:16He is. He makes skateboards.
01:18He already tears around the house like a hurricane.
01:20I am not giving him wheels.
01:22Anyway, it's just a passing fad, like the hula hoop.
01:25What's that?
01:26Oh, well, it was a big plastic hoop you used to swing round and round on your hips.
01:30It was great fun.
01:31Go and get ready for school.
01:36Can I have a hold of hope, babe?
01:38Out.
01:42You know, Anne, we spoil that boy.
01:44What, by not giving him anything?
01:47By encouraging him to expect something for nothing.
01:49He must learn to work for what he wants.
01:51I don't think they take them at the coalface till the nine.
01:55There's too much of it about.
01:56Look at him next door.
01:57Roper.
01:58Oh, has he got a skateboard?
02:01No job.
02:02Lives off the Social Security.
02:03Never does a stroke of work.
02:05Lazy.
02:06Speaking of work.
02:08Ah.
02:09I didn't think I'd go into the office today.
02:11I thought I'd pop down the golf club, polish up my golf swing.
02:14George, are you going to get dressed?
02:21What for?
02:22Not the day for collecting my doll money.
02:24Oh.
02:25I mean, you could be out looking for a job.
02:28Oh, well, no.
02:29Well, I have been looking, Mildred, and I found one.
02:31Hey, listen to this.
02:33Petrol pump attendant.
02:35Overalls provided.
02:3648-hour week.
02:37Good wages.
02:38Well, it's better than nothing.
02:40Right, I'll give him a ring for you.
02:41When do you want to start?
02:43Ah, no, no.
02:46You are the man of the house.
02:48Oh, the man.
02:51You should be out working, not me.
02:53Well, I tried for jobs, Mildred.
02:55Oh, yes.
02:56Male model.
02:57Airline pilot.
02:59And what was the other one?
03:01Orthopaedic surgeon.
03:04I mean, you never try for jobs you might get.
03:06Well, there's no point.
03:08I wouldn't get much more than I'd get on the doll.
03:10George, every little will help.
03:13I mean, I'm fed up with you hanging about the house doing nothing all day.
03:16Well, if I put up the shelf in the kitchen.
03:17Yes, I know you did.
03:18Seven times.
03:20It's fallen down again.
03:22Well, you keep putting things on it.
03:24I mean, we need more money.
03:26I'm tired of pretending that all the meat I buy is for the dog.
03:30Yeah, well, I have had an idea, Mildred, to bring in a little bit more.
03:33But you're not going to like it.
03:34I am not taking a paper round.
03:36No, no, of course not.
03:40Look, Mildred.
03:40Yeah?
03:41Why don't we do what we used to do?
03:47What, at this time in the morning?
03:50No, not that.
03:51I mean, why don't we take in lodgers?
03:53Lodgers?
03:53Yeah, lodgers.
03:54We've got a spare room up there doing nothing.
03:55Oh, George, it's tiny.
03:58I mean, you can't swing a cat in it.
03:59Oh, you could get an animal lover.
04:00It's a ridiculous idea.
04:03Oh, sorry you feel that way, Mildred,
04:05because I've already put an advert in the local paper.
04:08You've what?
04:10I tell you, it is him.
04:11He's advertising for a lodger.
04:13Look, 46 Peacock Crescent.
04:16Yes, well...
04:16That's all we need, a common lodging house next door.
04:19Well, it's not really any of our business.
04:21It could affect the property values, Anne.
04:23The next thing you know, he'll have 15 doorbells with names on it you can't pronounce.
04:27And they'll all be skateboarding up the street to collect the Social Security.
04:31And now you're exaggerating.
04:32Oh, boy.
04:33Ah, well, if you want Tristram to go up in a slum...
04:35Are you going to take him to school in Op Checkery?
04:37All right, all right.
04:39But don't blame me when they're all sitting on the front doorstep drinking cheap wine.
04:42And make sure he takes his homework.
04:46Come along, Tristram, we're going to be...
04:48Why are you taking that helicopter to school?
04:50I'm going to swap it for a hundred conkers.
04:53What are you going to do with a hundred conkers?
04:55Swap him for a skateboard.
04:56I'll leave it here.
04:58It's an educational establishment, not a multi-coloured swap shop.
05:02Come on.
05:04Aren't you going to ask me if I've got the homework?
05:06Have you got your homework?
05:07Yes.
05:08Good, come on.
05:12Well, how are things in school then, eh, Tiger?
05:15Well, on top of the class invitation.
05:17Oh.
05:20Um, this is Peacock Crescent, is it?
05:23Oh, uh, yes.
05:25Yes, thank you.
05:25Well, we'd better...
05:27Detention.
05:34You had no right, George, to do that without telling me first.
05:37Well, if I told you, we'd only had a row.
05:39What do you think?
05:39What are you having now?
05:40Well, I mean, I agree we need more money, George, but...
05:43You certainly do.
05:44I took the fiver out of your purse to pay for the advert.
05:48I mean, what happens when my mother comes?
05:50She'll have nowhere to stay.
05:52Well, there you are.
05:52That's another advantage.
05:53I am not having a lodger in this house, and that is final.
05:58Oh, yeah, but listen, Mildred.
05:59Oh.
06:00Oh.
06:01Oh.
06:01It's a ridiculous idea.
06:08I've never heard anything like it in the whole...
06:10Yes?
06:10Good morning.
06:11My name is Rogers.
06:12I understand you have a room to let.
06:14Oh, er, I, er, we would, er...
06:17Yes.
06:19Yes, indeed.
06:20Oh, come in.
06:22That's it.
06:23Um, I'm Mrs. Roper.
06:25Mildred.
06:26How do you do?
06:27I would have rung first, only the advertisement didn't have your telephone number.
06:30Oh, quite, yes, and it's just as well not to guess at these things.
06:35Would you like to go in?
06:37There you are.
06:38Well, well.
06:41George, it's a gentleman.
06:44I called about the position of, er, paying guest.
06:47Paying guest?
06:48Yes.
06:48Yeah, you said just now that we were...
06:50Ah, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, George.
06:53Er, this is my husband, George Roland Roper.
06:56Er, Mr, er...
06:58Rogers, Edward Rogers.
06:59It's ten quid a week.
07:00No cooking in your room, no pets, and a month for anything in the barn.
07:04George, he hasn't even seen the room yet.
07:07Would you like to sit down?
07:08Oh, thank you.
07:09Now then, um, first things first.
07:11About references.
07:12Oh, we can give you all you need.
07:17Oh, no.
07:18You give them to us, don't you?
07:20Oh, silly me.
07:22Er, that won't be necessary.
07:24Er, hang on.
07:26For all we know, you may be a crook.
07:28Or a swindler.
07:29Oh, don't be so ridiculous, George.
07:30You're not, are you?
07:31Er, no, no.
07:32Oh, there you are, then.
07:33No, I'm a representative for George and Coley.
07:35They're shipbuilding.
07:36You see, I'm sales representative.
07:37Oh, sales, eh?
07:40I thought they ran on steam these days.
07:46Now, I'm more on the small boat side, you know, accessories and so forth.
07:50Small boat side?
07:52Oh, how fascinating.
07:55And accessories and so forth.
07:56I'm down here for a month sizing up new retail outlets and I need somewhere to stay.
08:00It needn't be large.
08:01You're in luck.
08:02It isn't.
08:04Er, only a month.
08:05Oh, no, no, no, no.
08:06No, we were looking for someone more permanent than that.
08:08No, I'm sorry.
08:09It's out of the question, isn't it, Mildred?
08:11Would you like to see your room?
08:15Here we are.
08:16Oh, mind the slope.
08:17It's a bit steep.
08:17Oh, thank you.
08:19There we are.
08:24Yes, it's, um, cosy.
08:28Compact and, um...
08:29Tiny?
08:30Yes, tiny.
08:30But, uh, yes, it's very, um...
08:33Cosy and compact?
08:34Absolutely.
08:36I will take the tea chest off the bed before you move in.
08:40We have a wardrobe, of course.
08:42Yeah.
08:44Oh!
08:45And I'll, um...
08:47I'll take the lawnmower out before you, uh...
08:51I mean, uh, that is if you intend to, uh...
08:54I think this room would suit me very well, Mrs Roper.
08:57Oh.
08:59No baths after ten o'clock.
09:02A shilling of time to watch the telly.
09:06George, well, we seem to have got our paying guest.
09:09Hang on.
09:09I haven't decided if he's the right sort.
09:11If it was full board, I'd be willing to go up to £30 a week.
09:14I'll have a key cup for you in the morning.
09:18Oh, yeah, uh, there's one other thing.
09:19Uh, no member of the opposite sex allowed in your room.
09:21Oh, well.
09:22See, it's me, George.
09:23You can clean it.
09:24I didn't mean you.
09:27I meant no women.
09:30As a matter of fact, I've drawn up a list of rules and regulations here.
09:33Uh, when would you like to move in?
09:37Well, would tomorrow morning be convenient?
09:39Oh, perfectly.
09:40There you are.
09:47Oh, they're lovely.
09:49Thank you again, Mr Rogers.
09:51Oh, it's my pleasure.
09:52And please, Edward.
09:54Oh, Edward.
09:58Would you, uh, would you care for one yourself?
10:01Oh, uh, thank you.
10:03Why not?
10:08Ahem.
10:12Oh, did you want a sherry, George?
10:14No.
10:14Feed yourself.
10:16Uh, dinner won't be long.
10:18It's, um, veal cordon bleu.
10:23I've never tried it before.
10:25I don't like veal.
10:26I'm doing you fish fingers.
10:31And to follow, you're going to have my apple pie that you said you liked so much.
10:35Now, you spoil me.
10:36You really do.
10:39Tell me, is there anything I can do to help?
10:41I mean, lay the table?
10:42Oh, no, no, no.
10:44There's no job for a man.
10:46George will do it later.
10:50Well, um, I think I'll just pop upstairs and freshen up before I do now.
10:56Excuse me.
11:00Excuse me.
11:01Oh, you spoil me.
11:03You really do.
11:04Oh, not at all.
11:04Oh, what lovely flowers.
11:06Makes you sick.
11:07Just watch it, George.
11:09You're favouring him over me, Mildred.
11:11Oh, rubbish.
11:12Well, last night he had eight chips on his plate.
11:13I only had seven.
11:17He goes out to work, George.
11:19He does not lie around all day drawing on page three of the sun.
11:23He deserves an extra chip.
11:25The way you two keep nattering on about theatres and books and art galleries.
11:29Well, it's only conversation, George.
11:31Yeah, well, it's killing the art of television.
11:32I can't hear it half the time.
11:35And all that banging and hammering on Saturday.
11:37Well, he was fixing the shelf in the kitchen, George.
11:40I mean, properly.
11:41You wouldn't do it.
11:42Yeah.
11:42No, and he's mended that squeaky door.
11:44You wouldn't do that either.
11:46In fact, there are lots of things that you won't do that he might be able to.
12:20And another thing, since he's been staying with us,
12:34Mildred never listens to a word I say.
12:36After the time, I might as well be talking to myself.
12:40Sorry, did you say something?
12:44Oh, God, we were discussing this lodger of hers.
12:47Oh, yes. Mr Rogers.
12:49Edward. He's nice, isn't he?
12:52Nice?
12:53I can stand and chat with him for hours.
12:56Excuse me.
12:57Yeah, but the point is, you see...
12:58The usual, Brenda.
13:00Yeah, but the point is, you see...
13:01Oh, afternoon.
13:04Oh, yes.
13:05It's a nice day, isn't it?
13:07Yes, it was.
13:09Here, listen, you met this lodger fellow, haven't you?
13:11Oh, Edward, yes. Seems a nice chat.
13:13Oh, God.
13:16Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of reading this beer, Matt.
13:19Well, if a fellow can't have a bit of polite conversation with his mates,
13:23it's a pretty poor lookout, isn't it?
13:25Mates?
13:26Yeah, well, no, what I mean is, uh...
13:28Look, I'd like to have a word with you.
13:29All right, what is it?
13:30Well, it's nothing, really.
13:32Well, that didn't take long.
13:32Yeah, no.
13:34Actually, there is one thing.
13:36I've got this friend, you see.
13:38You surprised me.
13:40Yeah, well, anyway, and this friend...
13:41Can we sit down for a minute?
13:44Oh, very well.
13:44Yeah, and this friend, you see...
13:49And, uh, this friend, you see, he's, uh, he's beginning to get a bit worried about,
13:57um, well, about, uh...
13:59About what?
14:00Well, he thinks his wife, you see, um, he thinks his wife may be beginning to sort of,
14:05uh, well, fancy another man.
14:08Oh, yes.
14:11So it's been a worthwhile trip, then?
14:13Yes, it's been a very good month for me.
14:15I've managed to interest several people.
14:17Yes.
14:17Hmm.
14:18There's all sorts of opportunities down here.
14:20Oh, there must be, yes.
14:22For instance, I've had a lot of reaction to my fiddle and jamming blocks.
14:25Yes.
14:27Yes, well, you would have, yes.
14:29Uh, so you'll be leaving us tomorrow, then?
14:32Afraid so, yes.
14:33No more home cooking.
14:34Oh, surely.
14:35Your wife?
14:36Oh, no, I never got around to marriage.
14:39I never met a cook like you.
14:42Oh.
14:44It's, uh, it's little things.
14:46You know, like, like the way she sighs when she's ironing his underpants.
14:51This is the wife of your friend that your friend thinks is beginning to fancy the chap
14:55staying with your friend and his wife.
14:58Yeah, I think so, yeah.
15:00And, uh, has your friend said anything about this?
15:02Oh, no, no, no, he hasn't told a soul.
15:04Then how do you know about it?
15:05Oh, well, uh, apart from me, that is.
15:08Mm-hmm.
15:08I see.
15:09Uh, well, I have to ask you this.
15:10Um, what sort of chap is this friend of yours?
15:13Oh, he's one of the best.
15:14Well, he's got nothing to worry about, then.
15:16No?
15:16No, no, no, no.
15:17It's probably all in the mind.
15:18Yeah.
15:19Yeah, you could be right.
15:20I don't think he's got as much to worry about as you have.
15:23What do you mean?
15:24I saw your lodger going down the path at lunchtime.
15:26But does he always finish work that early?
15:31What's this one?
15:32The single speed top action winch.
15:34Oh, that's for clawing on the sheet.
15:37Clawing on the sheet?
15:39How fascinating.
15:41Yes, that's, um, that's been one of my best-selling lines.
15:44Yeah.
15:46I think there's someone in your garden.
15:48What?
15:48What?
15:53I, I, uh, I came through the back way to have a look at the roses.
15:56What, at this time of the year?
15:57Yeah, there's not a lot there.
16:00Yeah, you're back early, aren't you?
16:01Yes, well, I've finished my business.
16:02It's just a question of tidying up before I leave in the morning.
16:06Oh, oh, yeah, cool.
16:08He's leaving in the morning, Mildred.
16:10Yes, George.
16:12Oh, no, it's a pity, really, isn't it?
16:13Well, I think I'll carry on in the bedroom.
16:15You what?
16:17I'm making too much mess down here.
16:20Oh, look, excuse me.
16:25Excuse me.
16:30Uh, George, I thought we might have a special little farewell dinner tonight.
16:35What for?
16:35Oh, it'll be nice, George.
16:37Just the three of us.
16:39Oh, yeah, all right, yeah.
16:40Oh, no, I can't.
16:42I've got this dance match tonight.
16:43See, here, it's the British Legion.
16:45Oh, it'll be nice, just the two of us.
16:47Oh, don't be like that.
16:48No, I'm on the team the first time.
16:50Please yourself.
16:5187, 88, 89 and a half.
17:00Oh, I'll never save up enough.
17:03Ah.
17:04Well, I've been thinking about this, Tristram, and I've decided.
17:06You can have a skateboard for your birthday.
17:09How's that?
17:10Don't want a skateboard.
17:12We've all gone off skateboards.
17:15You've what?
17:16I want a Star Wars robot.
17:19Alice here's got a Star Wars robot.
17:21Go and clean your teeth before the babysitter arrives.
17:24Can I have a Star Wars robot?
17:26No, you can't.
17:27Teeth.
17:30Careful.
17:30What time have you booked the table for?
17:34Oh, 8.30ish.
17:36Anne, how would you like a skateboard for your birthday?
17:38Oh, would you like a wafer thin after dinner mint?
18:02No, I couldn't manage it.
18:03That was a marvellous meal, Mildred.
18:06I'm going to miss all this, you know.
18:07Oh, so am I.
18:08Yeah, I suppose this is the last chance we'll get for a little chat.
18:14Well, um...
18:15Oh, perhaps a brandy.
18:16I bought a couple of bottles, especially for the occasion.
18:21Yes.
18:26Here we are, then.
18:31Oh, come on.
18:34Oh!
18:34Oh!
18:36Oh.
18:37Oh, I'm not sure I should have had that third glass of wine.
18:40No.
18:41I, um...
18:42I hadn't realised that George wouldn't be here tonight.
18:45Uh, darts.
18:46Ah.
18:47Yeah.
18:47Well, I mean, even if he was here, he'd just be sitting in front of the television, as usual.
18:51As it is, he'll...
18:52He'll be out for hours.
18:54Oh, will he?
18:55Yes.
18:55Uh, what is on the television tonight?
18:57Oh, well, nothing much.
18:59Uh, would you, um...
19:02Would you like to hear another record?
19:04Do you like Mantovani?
19:05No.
19:05Uh, well, I mean, sometimes, yeah, but...
19:07Uh, you sure you want this brandy?
19:10Yes, I think I do.
19:12It's been a very pleasant month, my stay here.
19:15Oh, it's been very pleasant for me, too.
19:16Yes, but you see...
19:18Uh, you know, I...
19:19I do sometimes get a bit lonely.
19:22Mildred, uh, Mrs. Roper, I...
19:25I'm not sure that I...
19:27Um, we...
19:28Uh...
19:29I think there's something you ought to know about me.
19:34What?
19:36I'm...
19:36I'm gay.
19:40I'm pretty cheerful, myself.
19:44No, no.
19:45I'm...
19:46You see, I mean...
19:47I mean, I'm...
19:49Gay.
19:51You...
19:52Oh, you...
19:53You mean you're...
19:55Gay.
19:57Yes.
19:59Oh, well, yeah.
20:05Oh, what a terrible waste.
20:12Hey!
20:13Oh, beautiful.
20:14Can you see that?
20:15Yeah.
20:16I thought I was going to be on the team.
20:18With Sid breaking his darts arm and that.
20:20He's better with his left than you are with your right, George.
20:23Might as well stay at home.
20:25It's a nice change to get away from the wife, isn't it?
20:28Oh, yeah.
20:29And get away from the lodger.
20:30Left them alone together, did you?
20:33Hmm.
20:34You're Mildred and Rogers.
20:37The lodger.
20:39Very trusted of you, George.
20:40Oh, nice.
20:41Oh, nice.
20:41Thank you, Bill.
20:45What do you mean?
20:46Well, they're known for it, aren't they?
20:47Travelling salesman.
20:48In there with this month's special offer of a drop of a samples case.
20:53Would you care to step outside and repeat that insinuendo?
20:56All right.
20:57Oh, yeah.
20:58Well, no.
20:59You probably didn't mean it that way.
21:01You are wet, George.
21:03I've got nothing against your missus.
21:04I'm not saying anything against her.
21:06She's a very good-looking woman.
21:08Oh, I wouldn't go that far.
21:09Yes, she is.
21:10And these fellas, well, it's all part of their training course, isn't it?
21:13Oh, no.
21:15I mean, Mildred wouldn't fall for a thing like that.
21:17Not Mildred.
21:18She's far too sort of...
21:19Well, it is...
21:21Excuse me.
21:26Mildred!
21:32Mildred!
21:38Rogers!
21:40George, what are you doing?
21:49Where were you?
21:50In the kitchen.
21:51Oh, I see.
21:53Right, come on out there.
21:55I'm already out.
21:56Not you.
21:57Rogers.
22:00Where is he?
22:01Where he went for a walk after dinner.
22:03Oh.
22:04What are you on him for?
22:04Oh, well, I thought I'd invite him out for a drink.
22:08Oh, well, he's not here.
22:10So you can take me instead.
22:12Oh, yeah, right.
22:13Well, get your coat on then.
22:19So, um...
22:19What happened to the darts match?
22:22Oh, well, I decided some things are more important than playing darts, like taking my own little
22:26wife out.
22:27Oh, George, I think you've had a couple of drinks already.
22:30Still, um, gin and tonic.
22:32Right, leave it to me, my sweet.
22:34A large one.
22:40Get away, you stupid.
22:42Not really.
22:43Not funny.
22:44It's a bit sad, really.
22:45What else could I do?
22:47A frustrated middle-aged woman makes a pass at me.
22:49I had to tell her I was gay.
22:51You?
22:52Gay?
22:53Not after last night.
22:56Oh, I suppose it's understandable.
22:58After all, look at that husband of hers.
22:59He's a bit wet.
23:00How, uh, I've got you a packet of crisps.
23:06Uh, George.
23:07George, I've just been insulted.
23:09You what?
23:11Insulted.
23:11Coming back to my place then.
23:13Why not?
23:14Um, can't be too long tonight.
23:18It's him.
23:18I know who it is.
23:20Oh, well, what did he say?
23:21Never mind.
23:22He insulted me.
23:25Oh, Edward.
23:26Care for a drink?
23:27Oh, afraid we're just leaving.
23:28Thank you very much, Geoffrey.
23:29I've, uh, got a prospect to see you.
23:31Always on the job, eh?
23:32Yes, bye.
23:35I'll tell you what I would like for my birthday.
23:37What's that?
23:38A Star Wars robot.
23:40You've been got at.
23:41Uh-huh.
23:42Let me see if I've got this straight.
23:44You say you were insulted,
23:45but you won't tell me what he said.
23:47Well, it's too hurtful, George.
23:49I'm not having that.
23:50No-one's allowed to insult my wife except me.
23:54And he said you were a bit wet.
23:57A bit wet, eh?
23:58Yes.
23:58Oh.
24:00We'll see who's a bit wet.
24:01LAUGHTER
24:02APPLAUSE
24:03Oh, fun, fun!
24:04Oh, fun!
24:13APPLAUSE
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