- 14 hours ago
First broadcast 6th November 1979.
The Ropers feel shunned by their middle class neighbours so George suggests they move back to the street in which he grew up.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Simon Lloyd - Tarquin
Michael Robbins - Alf
Queenie Watts - Gladys
Fredric Abbott - Australian Official
Brian Godfrey - Reporter
Bobby Collins - Shane
Tommy Barnett - Elvis
Flack - Mrs. Jones' Dog
The Ropers feel shunned by their middle class neighbours so George suggests they move back to the street in which he grew up.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Simon Lloyd - Tarquin
Michael Robbins - Alf
Queenie Watts - Gladys
Fredric Abbott - Australian Official
Brian Godfrey - Reporter
Bobby Collins - Shane
Tommy Barnett - Elvis
Flack - Mrs. Jones' Dog
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:28Closed Captioning by Red Bee Media
00:40Oh, my God.
01:02Oh, my God.
01:12Oh, my God.
01:19What are you looking so cheerful about?
01:26You know that daft old biddy at number 20?
01:28I only just miss running her down.
01:32I think they own the road because they're standing on a zebra crossing.
01:36I expect she was going to Mrs Clifton White's garden party.
01:39I gave her a real blast on me horn.
01:41Beep, beep.
01:42I think a suspender snapped.
01:45Everyone's going.
01:46Apart from us, of course.
01:47Groceries went flying all over the place.
01:51I don't think we are socially accepted, George.
01:55I don't know why.
01:56I thought you said you didn't want to go.
01:58Only after she didn't invite me.
02:00Why didn't she invite me, George?
02:02Oh, probably something to do with me running over a cat last week.
02:07Oh, I don't suppose that helped.
02:08Well, I didn't run over all the cats.
02:10It's a bit of the tail.
02:12Well, you don't expect to see a cat on the pavement, do you?
02:15You don't expect to see a motorbike either.
02:18No, that's true.
02:19Still, look on the bright side.
02:20The social diary you bought is empty.
02:22You can use it for next year.
02:23It is not empty.
02:26It was my coffee morning last July.
02:29Yeah, but nobody came.
02:30No.
02:31Of course, I could write down all the occasions I wasn't invited to.
02:34God, that'll fill it.
02:35Of course, there is a rational explanation, you know.
02:38What?
02:38They don't like you.
02:41Well, I mean, some of them don't even like me.
02:43Well, I'm not surprised.
02:44You've had half of them jumping for their lives.
02:47Ah, a lot of toffee-nosed snobs round here, a lot of them.
02:49Yeah.
02:50I'm beginning to think you're right.
02:51Yeah, well, we should never come here in the fa-
02:53You are.
02:54Well, we don't seem to fit in, George.
02:57I don't know, perhaps we ought to move.
02:59Oh, yeah, I'll go along with that.
03:01Don't we, Moby?
03:04Local amenities committee, conservative association.
03:10Hello, darling.
03:11How was the garden party?
03:12Had to leave early.
03:14Your son disgraced himself.
03:16Oh, Tristram.
03:18Not this one.
03:20That one.
03:21He isn't health trained yet.
03:23Made it back to space with one lucky to spare.
03:27How's it going?
03:28Oh, it's too much, Anne.
03:30I just shouldn't have taken on the local amenities committee.
03:33Oh, and how about this for a car sticker?
03:37Oh, that's a funny way to spell horse trough.
03:39What?
03:40No, no, no, no.
03:41That was last week.
03:42This week we're campaigning to save the old lamppost and the close.
03:45Oh.
03:46Why?
03:47Because it's there.
03:49Publicity, that's what we need.
03:51Now, Hampton Wick Times are sending round a chap at, er, 2.30.
03:543 o'clock I've got the PTA meeting, 3.30 Rotarians, 4 o'clock play with son.
04:00That's me.
04:00Yes, be in the garden, 4 o'clock with your football.
04:02Oh, we'd get more attention if we were a lamppost.
04:11No, let's face it, Mildred.
04:13The people round here, they're not our sort.
04:14They crook their little finger when they fill in the dustbin.
04:17Yeah.
04:18Well, I mean...
04:19You've made coffee for me?
04:21Yeah, white with sugar.
04:23I take it black without.
04:25Oh, all right.
04:25Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
04:27Let me treasure the moment.
04:30Well, someone takes it white with sugar.
04:32You do.
04:33Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:36Yeah, well, I've done my best to make contact with the people round here.
04:39Yeah, usually when they were crossing the street.
04:41Yeah, well, I mean, they look down on me because I'm a worker.
04:43What?
04:45Well, I would be if I had a job.
04:48George, the point is, where can we move to?
04:51I mean, is there anywhere where they wouldn't look down on you?
04:53Yeah, Laska Street down the East End.
04:55I was considered a bit of a toff when I lived there.
04:58Oh, my God.
04:59Mainly because I used to change my socks every month.
05:03Still, it had an atmosphere.
05:04Yeah, it must have had.
05:07Ah, warmth, cosiness, row, little terraced houses.
05:10Ah, they may not have been grand, but you could eat your dinner off the doorstep.
05:12Yes.
05:13Yeah, sometimes we had to when me dad fell over with the fish and chips.
05:17George, it was a slum.
05:19And that was in the better areas.
05:21Yeah, that would mean the people were friendly.
05:23You didn't have to lock your front door.
05:24You didn't have a front door.
05:26Well, not after bonfire night, no.
05:29Still, the lads round there, they see you never go without.
05:32Ah, that's true.
05:33If there was a party in Laska Street, everyone was at it.
05:36Yes.
05:38Yeah, I've still got friends there, Elf and Gladys Newton.
05:41I send them a Christmas card every year.
05:43Yeah, they send it back the following year.
05:45Yeah, but they're friends.
05:45Not like the people round here.
05:46They wouldn't snub you.
05:48No.
05:49Ah, we'd be much happier living there.
05:51You know what, I think I'll give old Elf a ring.
05:54Well, it wouldn't do any harm to see the place.
06:01This is not a lamppost.
06:04Well, what is it then?
06:06It's a piece of local history.
06:08Do you realise when this magnificent example of craftsmanship was put up, Queen Victoria was on the throne?
06:12Well, we all have to go sometime.
06:16Look, I tell you what, I take a photo of it.
06:18Now, how about you leaning on it and showing a bit of leg, eh?
06:21Me?
06:21Show a leg?
06:23All right.
06:23Dad, Dad!
06:24Well, if you want publicity, sir, I...
06:26I don't want publicity.
06:27It's not for myself that...
06:28Four miles is spelt with an E.
06:30Yeah.
06:32How about you, son?
06:33If you were to climb up it, that'd make a good shot.
06:35All right.
06:36Tristan!
06:37Look, I've got to find an angle somewhere, haven't I?
06:40Has anyone been hung from it?
06:43Not yet.
06:45It's a hard horse.
06:46Yeah, well, then so do my grandad, but nobody wants to preserve him, do they?
06:51Anything else about you?
06:52Mrs Jones' dog uses it a lot.
06:55What for?
06:57That.
06:58That.
06:59That.
07:00That.
07:02That.
07:05That's it.
07:06No.
07:06Oh.
07:06And now.
07:07No.
07:08Thank you, y'all.
07:09Anything else.
07:12cooking.
07:22Yes.
07:33Rows of cosy little terrace houses.
07:36Ah!
07:36Oh, cosy little tower block.
07:38Same difference.
07:39Still be nice and friendly.
07:41Welcoming smiles.
07:42Wouldn't leave your bite there, mister.
07:44You might get your tyres slashed.
07:45You are.
07:46Of course.
07:47We could take a carpet for you.
07:49Keep an eye on it, like.
07:50Oh, that's very kind of you, little boy.
07:52It'll cost you 50p.
07:5550?
07:56That's downright extortion.
07:58I only charged trippens when I was your age.
08:00That's inflation, isn't it?
08:02Tart.
08:08Welcoming.
08:09Friendly.
08:10Oh, just a couple of kids, that's all.
08:13All right, then.
08:13Health and Gladys, flat 198 Kearhardy buildings.
08:1717th floor.
08:24Oh, God.
08:27Oh, God.
08:28Oh, God.
08:29Oh, God.
08:31Oh, God.
08:35We could have tried to lift it.
08:36It might have been working.
08:37How?
08:38Someone had stolen all the buttons.
08:43I'm going off this visit.
08:45We haven't even arrived yet.
08:50One more floor.
08:51I swear I'd have got a nosebleed.
08:54Right, Ria.
08:56Oh, God.
09:04The celebration.
09:05Yes, I'm afraid I can't be present at the unveiling.
09:07I have to go ahead to London to make the final arrangements for Anthony's exhibition.
09:11You'll join me tomorrow.
09:13Like a shot.
09:14You'll be pleased to hear...
09:15You're like Health and Gladys, they don't stand on ceremony.
09:18Oh, why'd we not in?
09:21Yeah.
09:22I see what you mean.
09:22No, it's George.
09:24George Roper.
09:26Oh, yes.
09:27Hello, George.
09:28How you been keeping?
09:29Oh, not too badly, Tom.
09:31Oh, this is Mildred, my wife.
09:34Oh, I have to do, I'm sure.
09:36Yes.
09:40Oh, that was a short visit.
09:42Oh, please take the chain off the door.
09:44You'll see.
09:48I thought you was a tally man.
09:49You're wearing a tie and that.
09:52Come in, don't be strangers.
09:54Why don't you sell him...
09:55Health, they're here.
09:56Oh, I won't share of it.
09:58Oh, hello, George.
09:59Been a long time.
10:00Your first London exhibition tomorrow...
10:01Get my beer, bro.
10:02In a glass.
10:04Entertaining royalty, are we?
10:06Let's switch the tally off.
10:07Oh, God.
10:08Oh, Health, this is Mildred, my old lady.
10:11Your what?
10:11No, wife, wife.
10:14How do you do?
10:15How do you do?
10:17Don't shut your vehicle frame off the set here and park yourselves.
10:20Oh, yeah, right.
10:26Hi, hi.
10:29She'll put it up after us.
10:31Oh, Tom.
10:33Yeah, well, Alaska Street's certainly changed since my time off.
10:38Yeah, very likely.
10:39You can't tell from up here.
10:41No, still, the people don't change, do they?
10:43I mean, you know, the same warmth.
10:45Oh, you mean a little lad cycling across the cobbles, delivering fresh hovis, that sort
10:49of thing?
10:49Yeah, yeah, that's right.
10:51Of course, Drew, where have you been, mate?
10:52Round here, he'd been mugged before he'd gone ten yards.
10:55Yeah.
10:55We met two little red-haired ruffians downstairs.
10:58You know, they threatened to slash our tyres.
11:00Oh, yeah, that'll be Shane and Elvis.
11:02They're my boys.
11:06They were very sweet about it.
11:10Hey, I love, condense with sugar, all right.
11:14Yes.
11:15What is it, tea or coffee?
11:17Who knows?
11:18It's been stewing on the hub for days.
11:21Still, the flats are nice, though, aren't they?
11:24Well, a bit high, perhaps.
11:27Oh, it has its advantages.
11:29For instance, we're the first to know when it's raining.
11:33And they can't reach the windows with the bricks.
11:35Yeah, sir, did you, uh, do you think the council might let us have one of these flats?
11:39Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't think so, George.
11:41I mean, there's bound to be a waiting list.
11:43Yeah, there is.
11:44Waiting to get out of them.
11:46Ah, so we stand a chance, Mildred.
11:53Well, what do you reckon?
11:54Nice place, really, isn't it?
11:55Why don't you get used to it, I mean?
11:57Hey, I certainly got a good sense of humour.
12:00Did you see the writing on the wall?
12:02Got a laugh, haven't you?
12:03You know what you can do with it.
12:05No, they tell you what you do with it.
12:08This place.
12:10Where were the kids you gave them 50p to?
12:12I don't know.
12:13Probably gone off somewhere else.
12:15Oh!
12:15Oh, shit.
12:17What's the matter?
12:18What a beggar's pinched me saddle.
12:21What?
12:21Oh!
12:23Thank you, buddy.
12:24Very nice.
12:32Thank you, buddy.
13:00You mustn't make a hasty decision, Mildred.
13:03I mean, it probably wasn't looking at its best.
13:05But when the sun is shining and the weeds are out...
13:08We wouldn't fit in there, George.
13:10Well, we don't fit in here, do we?
13:12I mean, we're square pegs in round holes.
13:18Oh, there must be some people somewhere who are like me.
13:21Oh, I doubt it.
13:23I mean, the whole world can't be divided into scruffs and snobs and nothing in between.
13:28You know what your trouble is, Mildred?
13:29And I've never said this to you before.
13:32Yes.
13:32And I don't think I'll say it to you now.
13:35No, come on, come on, what is it?
13:38Well, you're trying to climb the social ladder and you've got a few rungs missing.
13:42Yeah.
13:43I mean, you can't make a silk purse out of a sowset.
13:45Hey, yeah, I think I made my point.
13:48I'm beginning to think he's right.
13:50Oh, there are lots and lots of people round here who like you, Mildred.
13:54Name one.
13:55Me.
13:56Name two.
13:57Well, there's, er...
13:59Yeah, it's all right.
14:00You don't have to bother, I know.
14:02I mean, I never get invited to parties.
14:04I never get asked to serve on committees.
14:08Have you seen the local paper, Anne?
14:10Hello, Mrs. Roper.
14:10They've published that photograph.
14:12Oh, yes.
14:12And just look at that caption.
14:14Save our lamp post campaign.
14:16Get some leg up.
14:18And they've spelled my name wrong.
14:20I don't know what the country's coming to.
14:21Neither do I.
14:22Oh, sometimes I think I ought to emigrate.
14:25Nowadays, you can't...
14:25What did you say?
14:28Well, when?
14:29Er, just now, about, um, emigrating.
14:32Well, it has crossed my mind.
14:34I mean, I think that perhaps George and I would fit in better, you know, somewhere else, like Australia.
14:39What a marvellous idea.
14:43Geoffrey!
14:44Australia.
14:45I mean, you couldn't get further away.
14:48And it's a wonderful place.
14:49The sun, the sea.
14:51Really?
14:52Absolutely.
14:53You and Mr. Roper would love it.
14:55Love it.
15:05Here we are, George.
15:07I warmed your slippers in the oven.
15:09What?
15:11Sir.
15:12And your dinner's nearly ready.
15:14That is my best nail file.
15:16Oh, sorry, sorry.
15:17No, no, no, no.
15:19It's all right, George.
15:20You go ahead.
15:21Go on.
15:21Oh, all right.
15:23Well, you're being very nice to me, Milted.
15:25Oh, God!
15:30What's the matter?
15:31They're hot.
15:33You're being very nice to me, Milted.
15:35Why?
15:37I've got a little suggestion to make.
15:39Oh, not again.
15:40Be fair.
15:40It's only a couple of weeks ago.
15:42Not that.
15:46It's, er...
15:47It's about us moving, George.
15:49What, to Lasker Street?
15:50No.
15:51No, George.
15:52I...
15:53How do you feel about moving further out?
15:57What, sort of Guildford way?
15:59Er, well, further south.
16:02Well, like the coast, Brighton.
16:04No, no, no.
16:04Even further south.
16:06Well, we get our feet wet.
16:08Look, let me give you a clue, George.
16:11Tie me kangaroo down, sport.
16:13Tie me kangaroo down.
16:16Spain?
16:20Australia.
16:22Oh, you mean that Australia.
16:23The very same.
16:25Oh, George, we could emigrate.
16:27Make a new life.
16:28There is hundreds of miles away, Mildred.
16:30How would I get to the British Legion?
16:32Well, you could go to the Australian Legion.
16:35Yeah.
16:35They never let us in the country.
16:37We don't like Rolf Harris.
16:39And that's another reason for moving.
16:42He's over here.
16:43I know, but still, Mildred, we can't...
16:46Well, it's a bit sudden, isn't it?
16:49You wouldn't like it there, Moby.
16:50All the water will fall out your bowl.
16:54Who is it, Mr. Bormire?
16:56Yes, I...
16:58I, er...
16:59I just managed to get to the travel agents before they closed.
17:04I got you these brochures.
17:06Oh, you shouldn't have bothered.
17:07Oh, it was my pleasure.
17:10But the visa application form,
17:12the address of Australia House,
17:14you can get a 69 bus from the corner,
17:17there's the timetable,
17:19or I could take her in my car,
17:21just give me a few minutes' notice.
17:22Are you sure you wouldn't miss us?
17:25Oh, of course we would.
17:27Good Lord, the place wouldn't be the same without you.
17:30Hang on, we haven't decided nothing.
17:32No, not yet.
17:32It always takes George a little time
17:34before I make up his mind for him.
17:39Just think.
17:4212,000 miles between him and me.
17:4712,000...
17:48It's not far enough, eh?
17:49You're not even sure that they're going.
17:51Don't be a defeatist, they'll go.
17:53We could throw a farewell party for them.
17:57We needn't invite them, of course, but...
17:59I have a lot of time for Mildred.
18:01Well, you need to have.
18:02She's never out of here.
18:03She's almost part of the kitchen furniture.
18:04Oh, that's a bit unfair.
18:05Isn't it, Mildred?
18:06What?
18:14Daddy?
18:15Hmm?
18:15It's six o'clock.
18:17We have an appointment to play chess.
18:21I've got that down for 6.15.
18:22It's six o'clock in line.
18:24We'd better synchronise our diaries.
18:27You wouldn't need to synchronise your diaries
18:29if you didn't take on all this committee work.
18:31Well, careful with that.
18:32It's a petition.
18:33Oh, yes.
18:34Over 500 signatures.
18:36Oh, I didn't know Adolf Hitler
18:38was interested in saving our lamppost.
18:41It's all very well to snipe from the sidelines.
18:43Why don't you join in?
18:44Our committee needs a vice chairman.
18:45I'm too busy.
18:47Well, that's what they all say.
18:49But I know someone that isn't too busy.
19:01I think you'll find everything you want, then.
19:03Thanks a lot.
19:04You're most welcome.
19:05Fine.
19:06Next, please.
19:07Oh.
19:10Mrs and Mr Roper.
19:11Here, we're here to talk about immigrating.
19:13What for?
19:14Are you already here?
19:16Emigrating.
19:18To Australia.
19:19Ah, then you need to fill in a few forms.
19:22Are you skilled?
19:23Oh, yes.
19:23We fill in lots of forms.
19:26No, I really meant what line of work you're in.
19:30Oh, he's a gas mantle packer.
19:37Unemployed.
19:38Yes, well, he would be.
19:40What's the Social Security like over there?
19:43I mean, can I draw the English ones?
19:45Can I draw the English one as well as yours?
19:48Uh, may I, uh, ask you your age?
19:51Oh, well, I would say you're as young as you feel.
19:56There's, uh, not enough room in the box for that.
19:58Oh.
19:59Well, um, I'll be, uh, 41 next birthday.
20:04What, again?
20:06No, no, no, no, no, look, look, look, let me put it to you this way.
20:09Uh, you can have these forms if you want to, but, well, uh, I mean, what have you got to
20:13offer?
20:14Well, I expect I could manage a quid.
20:16Uh, no, I, I really meant, uh, what skills?
20:21Oh, he's willing to learn new ones.
20:23Well, he'll have to.
20:24He hasn't got any old ones.
20:25Oh, come on, I could teach you a lot to play cricket.
20:28We wiped the floor with you last time.
20:31We were, uh, short of our best players.
20:33Oh, yeah, what's your name, Adam, didn't he?
20:35Kerry Packamack.
20:37Still, 5'1", eh?
20:40Oh, God.
20:42Uh, the thing is, uh, Mrs. Roper, is it?
20:45Uh, do you have anybody over there that would, uh, sponsor you?
20:48Do you have guaranteed employment?
20:50I mean, is there accommodation waiting for you?
20:53Yes, no, no, and no.
20:56What did you answer yes to?
20:58It is Mrs. Roper.
21:00Oh.
21:06Hang on.
21:13Oh, don't be down, Mildred.
21:15I thought he was quite encouraging about our chances.
21:18When pigs grow wings?
21:21Why, he didn't definitely say no, did he?
21:23Not young enough.
21:25That's what he said.
21:26Not young enough.
21:27No, he didn't.
21:28He said too old.
21:29Oh.
21:30It would have been lovely, George.
21:32New South Wales, Western Australia, the outback.
21:36Yeah.
21:37We used to have an outback in Lasker Street.
21:40Oh, it's a terrible thing to feel unwanted.
21:43Oh, come on, Mildred.
21:44I want you.
21:44Do you?
21:45Well, not now.
21:45I mean, generally speaking.
21:48Right, sir.
21:49I'll answer it.
21:54Oh, Mr. Roper.
21:56How did you get on?
21:57Good news, eh?
21:58Not really.
21:59They said Australia's fool.
22:02Ah.
22:03We've just popped in to see Mildred.
22:05Oh, have you?
22:05Oh, in that case, I'm off to the pub.
22:07Tell her I've gone, will you?
22:09Yes.
22:12Ever the gracious host.
22:14And must I go through with this?
22:16Yes.
22:18Can we come in, Mildred?
22:19Oh, love, yes, of course.
22:21Um, your, uh, husband seems to have gone off.
22:24Oh, I've known that for years, love.
22:27Well, uh, sit down.
22:28Uh, no, thank you.
22:29It's just that, uh, I've...
22:30He's got something to say to you.
22:32Got something, uh, to say to you, you see.
22:34The local amenities committee, of which I am chairman, requires a vice chairman.
22:40Yes?
22:41I don't suppose you'd care to take on this enormous responsibility, would you?
22:45Oh!
22:46You would.
22:48They're campaigning to stop the local council pulling down the Victorian lampposts in the close.
22:53How worthy.
22:54It would mean involving yourself, meeting lots of people.
22:57I don't suppose you'd like that?
22:59Oh!
22:59She'd like that.
23:01Oh, I need.
23:02It's an involvement, a purpose, a goal.
23:06Save our lamppost.
23:09Hillary!
23:10Yeah?
23:13All right, uh...
23:17All right, uh...
23:19I've had a slight accident.
23:21I swerved to avoid Mrs. What's Named Corgi.
23:24Oh, no.
23:27LAUGHTER
23:35Mr. Roble.
23:36Oh, George!
23:38Well, it could have been worse.
23:40It could have been the new lamppost.
23:42LAUGHTER
23:42Thank you, sir.
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