- 8 minutes ago
First broadcast 12th October 1978.
George takes his father to live in a retirement home but he gets thrown out after only one day and billets himself on the Ropers.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Reg Lye - Father
Beatrix Mackey - Matron
Tim Barrett - Doctor
Tom Hardy - Barman
George Herbert - Resident
John Hughman - Resident
Ernest C. Jennings - Resident
Mike Reynell - Pub Customer
George takes his father to live in a retirement home but he gets thrown out after only one day and billets himself on the Ropers.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Reg Lye - Father
Beatrix Mackey - Matron
Tim Barrett - Doctor
Tom Hardy - Barman
George Herbert - Resident
John Hughman - Resident
Ernest C. Jennings - Resident
Mike Reynell - Pub Customer
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:03You
00:44Oh, my God.
01:14Here we are, then. Time for little drinkies.
01:19Oh, you've got a new leaf.
01:21Oh, who's growing into a lovely big boy, then?
01:25Now, why can't you grow like that? You are just not trying.
01:28You're supposed to talk to them, not nag them.
01:31Some plants need firmer handling, George.
01:34Now, where's that cane?
01:35That's right. Give it a good hiding.
01:37I'm just giving it a little extra support.
01:40Now, this is the lazy one.
01:41It just flops around and it doesn't try.
01:47I call it George.
01:51Mildred, where's the spare crash helmet of mine, the old one?
01:55It's for me, Dad.
01:57Yes, quite. Oh, you don't really need it, do you?
01:59Well, you'd be on the pivion.
02:01Yes, of course.
02:03Oh, all right, then.
02:04I suppose I'll just have to repot it.
02:07Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
02:09You're sticking plants in there, anything that doesn't move.
02:11Yes.
02:12So don't fall asleep with your mouth open.
02:15Right, now, when are you collecting him?
02:17Two o'clock, at the house.
02:19But I thought they were knocking the house down.
02:20Well, not till he's out.
02:22No?
02:23Oh, well, I suppose they know what they're doing.
02:25It's a bit of a tragedy, really, isn't it?
02:27When you're old and useless and nobody wants you.
02:29I want you, George.
02:32Not me, me Dad.
02:33Nobody wants him.
02:34Oh, you're exaggerating.
02:35No, I'm not.
02:36I don't want him for a start, do you?
02:37No.
02:39But there's your brothers and sisters.
02:40I wouldn't mind betting, Mildred.
02:41I'm the only one that's there.
02:48Here, son.
02:54Right, well, say bye-bye to your house.
02:57Yes, sir.
02:59Here.
03:00You see that brick wall they're knocking down over there?
03:03Yeah.
03:04That's when I first met your mother.
03:06Up against that wall.
03:09So you think of the past, Dad.
03:10Why not?
03:12There's more of it.
03:14Much future for me, though, is there?
03:16That's true.
03:18Seven kids we brought up in that house.
03:21Four boys.
03:23Two girls.
03:24And you.
03:27Get on the back, Mildred.
03:28Yeah, all right, son.
03:35All right.
03:36Wear this, Dad.
03:44Here.
03:45I left half-hundred weight of coal in the bath.
03:48You may leave it.
03:49They've got central heating at the old folks' home.
03:51Now hold tight.
04:02He's proud.
04:03In the pram?
04:04Oh, I'm dying to see him again.
04:05Well, you saw him this morning.
04:07Yes, I know, but they grow so fast.
04:09Can't we change the subject?
04:11We're always talking about the baby.
04:15Oh, yes.
04:16He's lost interest since he realised it can't play football.
04:20And I am trying to work here, you know.
04:24Whoops.
04:25He doesn't have to do homework.
04:28I don't know what he's got to cry about.
04:30Oh, no, dear.
04:31Quiet.
04:33Have you decided on a name for him yet?
04:35Oh, well, we thought of Tarquin and Peregrine.
04:37Oh, and George, of course.
04:41I think I'll go and finish this in my lounge.
04:47I think he's suffering from postnatal depression.
04:50No, we'll have to find a name for the baby soon.
04:52Otherwise, he'll grow up answering to Coochie Coochie.
04:54Yes.
04:56Hello, Mrs. Roper.
04:59You know the 12 o'clock feed?
05:01I think it's just worked its way through.
05:05Oh, who's a clever little boy, then?
05:08Coochie Coochie Coochie Coochie.
05:10Or, um, whatever you are going to call him.
05:13I think I'll just go and bail out the pram.
05:14Oh, he's a lovely baby.
05:16He's a woody baby.
05:29Oh, yes, yes.
05:30Very nice, very nice.
05:32Nice and homely.
05:33Not like a home.
05:35Yeah.
05:36You'll like it here, Dad.
05:37You'll really be able to...
05:39Oh, goody.
05:42Come on in, Dad.
05:49Hey, George.
05:50I don't like this place here.
05:53It's got a big wall right round it.
05:55Yeah, well, that's to keep people out, see?
05:57Anyway, look on the bright side.
05:59He won't be here that long.
06:00Not your age.
06:03Good afternoon.
06:04Mr. Roper, isn't it?
06:06Oh, yes, that's right.
06:06Welcome to Twilights.
06:08Now, come with me and I'll show you your room.
06:10No.
06:12Not me.
06:13He's the one you want.
06:13Hey, Dad, go with her.
06:16Don't let him take me, George.
06:18Oh, I don't want to be locked up.
06:20Oh, dear me, it's not like that, Mr. Roper.
06:23You're free to come and go.
06:25Oh, well, I'm going.
06:28Yes, he's a bit nervous, see?
06:30No need to be.
06:32There's jelly and custard for tea.
06:35Jelly and custard?
06:36Oh, that makes a difference, doesn't it?
06:39Jelly and custard.
06:40Hey, what do you think I am, a bleeding kid?
06:43Oh, it's quite all right, Mr. Roper.
06:47Now, you'll soon settle in, honestly.
06:50Let me take a...
06:51Don't you touch that.
06:53You've got one of the nicest garden rooms
06:55and you'll be sharing it with someone just your own age.
06:59Yeah?
07:00What's she like?
07:03Look, you'll be fine.
07:04You'll soon forget there's an outside world.
07:08I'm sure your son will visit you every week.
07:11Well, I don't know about that.
07:11It's a 70 bus ride.
07:13Well, by the way, you'll be needing these.
07:15These are his Sunday teeth.
07:16I don't know about that.
07:29LAUGHTER
07:48Yeah, and let me hold him today and burp him.
07:53My word, he did give a big one.
07:56You always tell me off when I do that.
07:59And then he said goo.
08:01Oh, plain as anything.
08:03Goo.
08:04Goo?
08:05No, it's not quite as cute when you say it.
08:08You're not at all worried about my father, are you?
08:10You haven't once asked how he was this afternoon.
08:12How was he?
08:13Don't ask.
08:16Poor old devil, I owe him everything, you know, what I am today.
08:19Yeah, still, we mustn't bear grudges.
08:24Now look, now he's old, what happens?
08:25Throwing on the rubbish dump.
08:26But you said you're taking them to the old folks' home.
08:29Well, same thing.
08:30He won't like it there, Mildred.
08:32They're making bath.
08:35I mean, it wouldn't happen in China.
08:36In China they look after old people.
08:38Well, send him there.
08:41Oh.
08:43George, I mean, you never liked him.
08:45He used to take his belt to you.
08:47Oh, that was his way of showing love.
08:50By belting you all round the house?
08:51Yeah, well, he couldn't find the words.
08:54Oh, look, stop worrying about him.
08:59I mean, old age comes to all of us, you know.
09:01How about an early night?
09:03No, Mildred, I'm a bit tired.
09:07Mind you, it comes to some of us sooner than others.
09:11Good night.
09:20All right, all right.
09:23Oh, blimey.
09:26Ten past seven.
09:30Hello, George.
09:32Can I come in?
09:34Dad, what the...
09:35Well, they slung me out from there and I've got nowhere to go.
09:39Why?
09:39What have you been doing?
09:40Have you been chasing old women?
09:42No, no.
09:43Go for it.
09:44Go for it.
09:45Who is it?
09:47It's me dad.
09:48He's escaped.
09:49What?
09:52Oh, I'm so through.
09:56Drop of brandy wouldn't go down too bad.
09:59Yeah, oh, what's there?
10:00Anything on the telly, is there?
10:01Now, look, Mr Roper.
10:03Oh, hello, love.
10:04Hello, dear.
10:05Why aren't you at the old folks' homes?
10:07They slung me out.
10:08But why?
10:09Well, maybe because I didn't need all my jelly and custard.
10:12I mean, my teeth aren't up to it.
10:14Yeah, but you haven't been there 24 hours.
10:16You must have done something.
10:17No, I didn't do nothing.
10:18Nothing.
10:19Well, well, just a little bit of fun, that was all.
10:22What was?
10:24Well, I took the handbrake off old Mrs Taylor's wheelchair.
10:29Yes, yes.
10:30And it went straight into the pituitions.
10:34Oh, dear, oh, dear.
10:36Yeah, no, not a bit funny.
10:39Yeah, well, she snitched on me for smoking in the bathroom.
10:42Well, how did she find out?
10:43Well, she was in the bath, and I didn't know she was in the bath when I went in there.
10:50Ah!
10:51Good God.
10:52Just get him out of those clothes.
10:53I'll go and phone the home.
10:54Yeah, all right.
10:55Oh, come on, Dad.
10:56All right, son.
10:57All right.
10:58All right.
11:06Good morning, Twilights.
11:09Oh, good morning.
11:10This is Mildred Roper here.
11:12Um, I'm phoning about my father-in-law.
11:15Oh, yes.
11:16Yeah, I, uh, understand you slung him, um, you, uh, you asked him to leave.
11:22We did no such thing, Mrs Roper.
11:24He left of his own accord because we wouldn't allow him to keep a pet.
11:27A pet?
11:28A common old budgie is provided in the restroom, and they can take it in turns feeding it.
11:33But we certainly cannot allow him to keep a ferret.
11:38I mean, of course you could.
11:39A ferret?
11:41He smuggled it in in a basket when he arrived.
11:44Yes.
11:48Uh, would you mind holding on for a minute?
11:56Ah!
12:01Yes.
12:02A ferret.
12:04Yes.
12:04And it's bit the housekeeper.
12:06And that is against the rules.
12:09Yes, quite.
12:10But, you know, when you take him back, I mean, without his pet, I mean.
12:14Well, all right.
12:15He must make up his mind quickly.
12:17We do have a waiting list.
12:18Yes, of course.
12:19Yes.
12:19Well, I'll see to it right away.
12:20All right.
12:22Ugh.
12:38Now, I'm not going to part with my Percy.
12:41He's been like a son to me.
12:43He has this ferret.
12:44Yeah, but Dad.
12:44No, no, I've had him for years.
12:47He's the best ratter in acne.
12:49But don't open it.
12:50No, no, no.
12:51No, no, no, Dad.
12:52We'll take it to the vet.
12:53Have it put down.
12:54Oh.
12:55Why don't you take me to the vet and have me put down while you're about it?
12:59Oh, there's a thought.
13:03Fine way for my only child to treat me.
13:06I'm not your only child.
13:07Yeah, but you're the only one what'll have me.
13:09Who said I'll have you?
13:10You can't stay here.
13:11Oh, I see.
13:13Now, what would your mother say to that?
13:15And her ugly cold in her grave.
13:18Well, it must have central eating then.
13:19She's been in it 20 years.
13:23It's no use.
13:24I can't eat anymore.
13:26I'm not surprised.
13:27Your plate's empty.
13:29I don't feel well.
13:32Walking about in all that rain.
13:46I think I ought to go up to bed.
13:48Yeah, I tell you what.
13:49You have a lie down in the spare room, Dad.
13:51Sort this out when you're feeling better.
13:53All right, son.
13:53Here you are.
13:54Come on.
13:55Do it.
13:56Mind how you go.
13:58Here.
13:59Here.
14:00You won't let nothing happen to Percy.
14:02No, no.
14:03No, no, cool.
14:03You go up the stairs here.
14:05That's all right.
14:05There's a way.
14:07All right.
14:10Now, listen to me, George.
14:13That evil little animal is going to stay in the garage.
14:16Not why he's got a cold, Mildred.
14:22And don't think your father is going to worm his way into this house, George.
14:25If he stays, I go.
14:28Oh.
14:30No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
14:36no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
14:36no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
15:14Oh, Dad, wake up.
15:16Dad, wake up. Come on.
15:18Come on, it's half past five. You've been asleep all day.
15:22It's flu.
15:23Oh, it does when you're enjoying yourself.
15:27Oh, it might be pneumonia, George.
15:31Yeah, well, listen, Mildred pressed your suit, see,
15:33so you drink the soup and I'll take you back to the wass, Dave.
15:35No, no, no, I can't eat anything, son.
15:38Here, it might be what took your mother off.
15:42Here one minute, the next minute, gone.
15:45Oh, come on, Dad, you live to be over 70.
15:48I'm over 70 now, son.
15:49See, what did I tell you?
15:50Right, come on, now, you eat the soup, see.
15:52No, no, no, you listen to me, son.
15:54Listen, listen.
15:56If anything does happen, I want you to have my fob watch.
16:00Oh, come on, Dad.
16:01No, no, no, no.
16:03You're the only one that stood by me, son.
16:06And it's gold-plated half-hunter.
16:10There's the porn ticket.
16:19Well, is he ready to go?
16:21Well, he might be, that's what's worrying me.
16:23He won't eat anything, Mildred.
16:24He's coughing and spluttering up there.
16:26I don't think he's fit to be moved.
16:27Uh-huh.
16:28It hasn't crossed your mind that he might be putting it on a bit?
16:31Well, of course he is, but that doesn't mean he's not ill.
16:33All right, then.
16:34I'll send for the doctor, see what he says.
16:36Oh, it's a good idea.
16:36But by the way, he wants me to pop out and get something for his chest.
16:38But the chemist's shut.
16:40I know, but the pub is, and he wants milked out.
16:44Of course, in that one, he's ten days old.
16:48Um, well, I've got one here where he's, uh, eleven days old.
16:51Uh, ah, here it is.
16:52Uh, eleven days old.
16:55Look, he's smiling.
16:56Yes.
16:57You showed it to me yesterday, dear, and the day before.
17:01Ah, well, look, I've got some here that you haven't seen.
17:03Oh, can I have a milked out, please, to take away?
17:05Oh, and a half a pint.
17:07Make that a wispy on me.
17:08Eh?
17:09Well, we've got to wet the baby's head.
17:11Have I shown you these photographs?
17:12Oh, God.
17:13Make it a large one.
17:15Thank you for coming, Doctor.
17:16I do hope I'm not wasting your time.
17:18That's quite all right.
17:19Is he, uh, running a temperature at all?
17:21Well, it's a bit difficult to say.
17:22I'm...
17:22I've only got a meat thermometer, and, uh...
17:25According to that, he's, uh, medium rare.
17:27Oh, yeah.
17:33Oh, God.
17:35Because I know how busy you must be in it.
17:38Oh, he...
17:40Oh!
17:42You see, at his age, the slightest thing could see him off.
17:45Quite.
17:46Well, there he is in his pram.
17:47Oh, yeah, very nice.
17:49What would he up be able to move in, you see, and having his own knockdown?
17:52Oh, same again, please.
17:53Oh, very sad.
17:54Oh, look, there he is in the bar.
17:56Yeah, very nice.
17:57I reckon he's lost the will to live.
17:59Hello.
18:00The gay Gordon here.
18:04Uh, could you tell me, please, is...
18:06Is Mr. Roper there?
18:08Uh, George Roper?
18:10Oh, thank you, Gordon.
18:12Uh, I just thought that he, you know, might have taken his father's on there.
18:14Yes, well, if you track him down, let me know.
18:17Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another patient to see.
18:19But when I say another patient, I...
18:20I'll let myself out.
18:22Yes, all right.
18:23I'm...
18:23I do apologise.
18:24George!
18:25Mildred!
18:25Yes?
18:26It's about your father.
18:27He's gone.
18:29Gone?
18:30Yes.
18:31Well, I was with the doctor.
18:31We went upstairs and he'd gone.
18:41He's my dad.
18:42He's passed away.
18:44Oh, there he is in the park.
18:48George?
18:49George?
18:49Oh, George.
18:51It's a bit nippy out there, isn't it?
18:53What?
18:53A bit nippy.
18:55Where have you been?
18:56Well, I've been down the garage feeding my ferret.
18:59You are supposed to be ill.
19:01Oh, yes.
19:03Yes, it's right.
19:04Yes, sir.
19:07I don't think I can get up to bed on me own.
19:10Oh, George.
19:14He's faking, Anne.
19:16I know he is.
19:17And George is fooled.
19:19Well, old people can be difficult.
19:21Come on, tea time.
19:23Put that space gun away.
19:25All right.
19:26Mummy bought me this today.
19:28It atomises people.
19:31Well, yes, dear.
19:33It's bribery and corruption, really.
19:35Every time we buy the baby something, we buy him something.
19:37Oh.
19:38Yes.
19:38And I'm beginning to like him a bit.
19:42Kids?
19:43Old-age pensioners.
19:51Mildred?
19:54Mildred?
19:57Mildred?
19:59Mildred?
20:00Mildred?
20:01Mildred?
20:01Mildred?
20:02Mildred?
20:02Mildred?
20:07Mildred?
20:15So, it...
20:17It finally happened then, old fella.
20:21You won't be needing the milk stout.
20:25Waste of money, really.
20:28Still, I expect they'll have some up there.
20:31Or down there.
20:33Wherever you've gone.
20:36It's funny, really, isn't it?
20:39We never really sat down and had a talk together, you and me.
20:43Oh, well, that's life, I suppose, if you'll pardon the expression.
20:50I wasn't always a good son to you, Dad.
20:53I was the one who put frogs in your wellies.
20:57And when you weren't looking, I put Epsom salts in your tea.
21:02Still, I meant no harm.
21:04I'll tell you one thing, you see Mum again, you won't like that.
21:11Oh, well.
21:16Rest in peace.
21:21Dad!
21:27Oh, shrewd.
21:29Oh, I've had the fright of me like...
21:32What?
21:32You said the old fool had gone.
21:34Well, I heard he was out in the garage.
21:36Oh, it's true.
21:38Oh, dear.
21:41I felt the air stand up on me head.
21:45What, all three of them?
21:48He wasn't dead.
21:49He wasn't even sick.
21:51He got up and swiped me one.
21:53What for?
21:54Oh, something to do about wellies and frogs and that.
21:57Well, it happened a long time ago.
21:59No, it's no use arguing, Mildy.
22:00He'll have to go back to the home.
22:01I know, George, but they won't take him with his ferrets.
22:03Oh, Struth.
22:05Here, listen.
22:07Perhaps we can send it to the Battersea dog's home.
22:09You might not notice.
22:09It's up to me.
22:10Jesus.
22:11Well, perhaps they've got Battersea ferrets home.
22:13You never know.
22:15Oh, hello, Mr. Formile.
22:17Hello.
22:18I'm sorry to intrude.
22:19I know this must be a very sad time for you.
22:21It is.
22:22There's nothing wrong with him.
22:23Oh, well, I understand that your father used to own a ferret.
22:28Used to?
22:28Yes.
22:29It ran out of the garage as I was driving up.
22:31I couldn't stop in time.
22:32Oh, well, I don't know what you're talking about.
22:36George.
22:37Oh, yeah.
22:38I can't say how sorry I am.
22:41Yeah, well, poor old Percy.
22:43Still, I expect he was quick.
22:44Oh, very quick.
22:44Couldn't have been quicker.
22:45I don't know if, well,
22:48how much do ferrets cost these days?
22:49Oh, no, you, please, Mr. Formile.
22:51Quite right.
22:52Now, me and money cannot replace a loved one.
22:54Oh, no.
22:54Yeah, no, please.
22:55Just leave us alone with our grief.
22:59Well, I think that solves the problem, Mildred.
23:01Yes, George.
23:05Well, he ought to be locked up.
23:07Going around running over innocent poor little ferrets.
23:10It was an accident, Dad.
23:12You must have left the basket open.
23:13No, I didn't.
23:14It does mean you go back to the home with no argument.
23:16You'll soon settle in again.
23:18Good company, good food.
23:19Yeah.
23:19They won't be putting epsom salts in me tea, neither.
23:23Well, it's been lovely having you here for a visit.
23:25And you must do it again next year.
23:29Oh, now, there's your taxi.
23:32Right, well, this is it, then, Dad.
23:35Yeah.
23:35And I want my gold-plated half-hunter back.
23:38Oh, yeah, right.
23:39Yes.
23:40There you are, then.
23:41And you, er...
23:43Well, you mustn't think that this is goodbye, Dad.
23:45Think of it as, um...
23:47Well, um...
23:48Yeah.
23:49Goodbye.
23:51George, Mr. Formile's got something for your father.
23:54I know it can't possibly make amends,
23:56but I felt it was the least I could do.
23:57I'm told its name is Fred.
24:02Well, isn't that nice?
24:03Now, look, I'm not...
24:05They won't take me back there, George.
24:07Oh, gold.
24:08I know it can't possibly make amends.
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