- 1 day ago
First broadcast 7th December 1978.
Due to complaints about his over-zealous attitude George rows with his superior, Arnold Higson, and resigns his job as a traffic warden.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Roy Kinnear - Jerry
Blake Butler - Mr. Higson
Dany Clare - Elsie Wainwright
Ted Burnett - Lorry Driver
Due to complaints about his over-zealous attitude George rows with his superior, Arnold Higson, and resigns his job as a traffic warden.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Roy Kinnear - Jerry
Blake Butler - Mr. Higson
Dany Clare - Elsie Wainwright
Ted Burnett - Lorry Driver
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:04Janine Paglissian Reviewer
00:04What the story is, I can't read it before.
00:20I have no idea how to read it.
00:20I'm not sure how to read it.
00:21I'm not sure how to read it.
00:21I'm not sure how to read it.
00:22I'm not sure how to read it.
00:37Yeah, so I said to him,
00:39if the meter reads penalty, then penalty it is.
00:42So I gave him a ticket.
00:44He was not pleased.
00:45Well, I'm not surprised. He is a senior traffic warden.
00:51Your boss.
00:51Nevertheless, he shouldn't have lent his bicycle against the meter.
00:56Even so.
00:57I have to do my job impartially, Mildred.
01:00Sword in one hand, scales in the other.
01:03Blindfolded.
01:03Oh, that must be difficult when you're directing traffic.
01:07Ah, I'm speaking in a metaphysical way.
01:10Er, forical, George.
01:12You what?
01:13Not physical.
01:14What's not physical?
01:15Well, you're not for a start.
01:19No, no, I promised I'd be nice to you now you're working.
01:22Right.
01:23Here's your cap.
01:24Oh, Tom.
01:25And, er, come on.
01:26Let's have a look at you.
01:27Yeah, so I said to Mr. Exton, I said,
01:29if you lean your bicycle, they're going...
01:34Well, surely, how long have you been wearing goggles?
01:37Oh, what are these?
01:39Oh, I got them yesterday.
01:40Oh, I don't need them all the time, just when I want to see things.
01:45You look like Elton John.
01:49Yeah, I've always wanted to do this.
01:51All right.
01:52Now, come on, stand still.
01:53Oh, what, what, what?
01:53No, all right, hang on.
01:55My God, Miss Tremble, but you're beautiful.
01:57Oh.
02:00Ah, no, I'm sorry.
02:01No, they suit you.
02:01They really do.
02:02They sort of hide your face.
02:04All right.
02:04Come on, put them back on.
02:05Oh, no, I don't need them that much.
02:07Oh, yeah?
02:08Well, let's find out.
02:09What?
02:09Come up here.
02:10Well, what for?
02:11Oh, come on, come on.
02:12Here.
02:14Right.
02:15Now then, what's the number plate on the little red car on the corner?
02:19That's a pillar box.
02:23Just testing.
02:24Oh.
02:25All right, well, what's the number on the sports car that Mr. Formal is washing?
02:29Hey, he's got a sports car.
02:31Yes, it's his new one.
02:33Well, he's had it for a week.
02:35A week?
02:35Well, and I haven't booked it yet.
02:38Oh.
02:42Why is Daddy washing his car again?
02:45He washed it yesterday.
02:47I think a leaf fell on it.
02:49He's not taking us to school in it, is he?
02:52He makes me take my shoes off.
02:55Anne?
02:56Do you know what a pigeon has done on my bonnet?
02:59I'm going to get you still, I get.
03:02Is this what I pay rates for?
03:04I shall write to the Times.
03:05Not a lot of pigeons read the Times, Geoffrey.
03:08The third worst pest that a motorist has to put up with.
03:11What do you mean, third?
03:13After women drivers and traffic wardens.
03:18Yes.
03:19No.
03:20I do agree.
03:22He's not supposed to book police cars.
03:28Or doctor's cars, no.
03:30Do give my apologies to the police surgeon.
03:33It won't happen again, sir.
03:35No.
03:36Goodbye.
03:38I'll kill that roper.
03:40Bald-headed little...
03:44I do beg your pardon, Miss Wainwright.
03:47Losing me rag in front of a lady.
03:50Now, where were we?
03:51Well, I was apologising about being late yesterday morning, Mr. Higson.
03:55Not at all, my dear.
03:56I'm sure you had a reason.
03:57Well, not really.
03:58That's good enough for me.
04:01You see, I parked round the corner and I didn't have any change for the meter.
04:04So I went across to the sweet shop.
04:06And when I got back...
04:07You'd been booked.
04:10Roper.
04:11That's six pounds.
04:12I know.
04:13I don't know how much it is.
04:16Don't upset yourself, my dear.
04:18This may well get lost in the files.
04:21Oh, Mr. Higson.
04:23Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
04:29Leave it in my hands.
04:31Oh!
04:33Ah, Roper.
04:34You're late.
04:35Right.
04:36Well, only by a minute.
04:36If there's one thing I can't abide, it's lateness.
04:39Step into my office.
04:40Oh, all right.
04:42Morning, Elsie.
04:45Sit down, Roper.
04:48Now then.
04:49In the past few weeks, I've received several complaints about your behaviour.
04:53In fact, I wrote one of them meself.
04:56I'll just do my job.
04:57You overdo it.
04:58The royal visit last month.
05:00Well, she shouldn't have parked outside the town hall.
05:04If you could have broke through the cordon, you'd have had her.
05:06I'll just do my job.
05:08There are times, Roper, when you have to turn a blind eye.
05:12Like Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar.
05:14How do you mean?
05:15Well, if you'd been there, you'd have stuck a ticket on his horse.
05:18I don't mind keenness, but get your facts straight.
05:22It is not illegal for a bus to stop at a bus stop.
05:28If you're not happy with my work, Mr. Higson, you can sack me.
05:31Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
05:32Then he'd be off to the Industrial Relations Tribunal, like a rat up a drainpipe.
05:36That crossed my mind.
05:37Ah, and copper packet.
05:39Well, I will not give you the satisfaction.
05:40Will that be all?
05:41Not quite.
05:44I run a happy ship.
05:46And it only takes one rotten apple in the ointment to spoil it for a heap of the tar.
05:54So watch it.
05:57I don't know.
05:59Shopping seems to get harder and harder.
06:01I mean, I can't seem to find a pair of size six shoes to fit me.
06:04Why not?
06:05I take seven and a half.
06:08Oh, come in, love.
06:09Here.
06:10Should we go mad and have a sherry?
06:12Oh, let's.
06:13Right.
06:14Here, sit down, love.
06:16Yes, I'm looking for a pair of shoes to match my new evening dress.
06:20You've got a new evening dress?
06:22No, but when I find the shoes, I'll find one to match them.
06:27Splashing out a bit, eh?
06:28Oh, well, you know, now that George has got a proper job, I feel I can afford HP.
06:33There you are, love.
06:35Cheers.
06:36Cheers.
06:37Cheers.
06:37Mmm.
06:37Mmm.
06:38Mmm.
06:39Actually, I bought a new see-through nightie, mainly to take Geoffrey's mind off his new car.
06:45Ooh.
06:47That should get him started on cold mornings.
06:51Right.
06:52And if necessary, I'll try it with the top down.
06:55Ooh.
07:02I don't know, it's all go, isn't it, Gerry?
07:05Yeah.
07:06How long before you get off duty?
07:07Oh, I've got another half hour yet.
07:09Oh.
07:09Any chance of a cup of tea?
07:11Uh, you can have young Ranges mug.
07:19Where is he these days?
07:20He got picked up as an illegal immigrant.
07:23Someone tipped him off.
07:24Oh, dear.
07:25Yeah.
07:25Yeah, just after he asked me for a rise, it was.
07:32Sugar?
07:33Six.
07:40It's a good thing, isn't it, mate?
07:42Mm, I'm fine.
07:42Cement used to reek a curry.
07:50How are you getting on with your job, then?
07:52Hey, I'll, er, keep him busy, you know.
07:54Oh, by the way, nothing personal, but I stuck a ticket on your lorry.
07:56Oh.
07:58Doesn't bother me.
08:00I'll never pay him.
08:02You keep him busy?
08:04Oh, you know how it is.
08:05My reputation's spreading.
08:07Oh, you're not, then?
08:08No.
08:09Oh, well, never mind it.
08:10This year, you're your own boss, aren't you?
08:11You don't have RSM Higson moaning at you.
08:13Well, is he still coming, is he?
08:14I don't know, put some people in the uniform, they turn into jumped-up little itlins.
08:18Yeah, that's what he said.
08:20You want to stand up to him, George, he'd crumble.
08:23You reckon?
08:24Yeah.
08:25They all do.
08:26I mean, I had a sergeant in the army once, made my life hell, and one day I said to
08:30him,
08:31look here, Sarge, I'm a human being, entitled to respect, I've got rights.
08:35And he'd crumble?
08:38It's a bad example, come to think of it, I've got a month's jankers.
08:43Still, you've made your point.
08:44Oh, yeah.
08:47There you are, little bit.
08:48Oh, God.
08:50Quality's patrolling the high street.
08:52Oh, yeah, well, I was, er...
08:53Skiving up for a fag and a cuppa.
08:56Useless.
08:56It's crumbled, George.
08:58Eh?
08:58Cramble, crumbled.
08:59Yeah, right.
09:00Now, look here, I am a human being.
09:02No, you're not.
09:03You're a traffic warden.
09:06How did you know he was in here?
09:08You must be spying on him.
09:09Tell your fat friend to keep out of it.
09:12Don't speak about him like that.
09:13He's a fat friend of mine.
09:15This is industrial misconduct, Rupert.
09:17I could sack you.
09:18In fact, if you're not back in duty, in ten seconds, I will.
09:22If he talked to me like that, I'd throw his job in his face.
09:25Yeah?
09:25Yeah.
09:25Right, yeah, yeah.
09:26One more word from you, and I resign.
09:29What word would you like, hmm?
09:31Buffoon?
09:34Incompetent?
09:34Or how about twit?
09:37There's a word for you.
09:39Twit.
09:39Right, that's it.
09:40I resign.
09:41In writing, please.
09:42Well, you don't think I'll do it, do you?
09:45Yeah, well, I will.
09:45I will.
09:46That's telling him, George.
09:47You can push a man too far, you know.
09:48Oh, very true, very true.
09:50Yeah.
09:51Don't forget to date it.
09:52Spying on me like that.
09:53A man has his rights.
09:55Right, there you are.
09:56My resignation.
09:57This is where he'll crumble.
09:59Excellent.
10:00Excellent.
10:02And I won't even require you to work off your notice.
10:05Good day, gentlemen.
10:16He didn't crumble, Jerry.
10:19No, it never worked for me, neither.
10:23Still, you make a point.
10:25Oh, yeah, yeah.
10:26And I'd like to see Mildew's face when you tell her, eh?
10:33Of course, we've only the one garage.
10:35It's quite a problem being a two-car family.
10:37It's quite a problem being a no-car family.
10:40Now George has got a steady job.
10:42Who knows?
10:45Good heavens, is that Geoffrey?
10:46I haven't even got his dinner on.
10:48No, dear.
10:49He lives next door with you.
10:51Oops.
10:52Oh, I shouldn't be drinking in the afternoon.
10:54I'm just going, Mr Roper.
10:56Oh, good.
10:57Oh, no, don't go.
10:59I'll be left alone with Mildred.
11:00Well, you're married.
11:02Bye.
11:02Oh, bye, my love.
11:04Oh, George, come and sit down.
11:06Come on.
11:07That's it.
11:08Put your feet up.
11:09You've had a hard day's work.
11:11Yeah.
11:12Now, there are your slippers.
11:13Can I pour you a sherry?
11:14Yeah, you'd better make it a large one.
11:15Oh, right.
11:17Mildred.
11:18Hmm?
11:18I've got something to say.
11:20Yes, well, I've got something to say to you, George.
11:22Now, I don't often pay you a compliment.
11:25You never pay me a compliment.
11:27No, well, perhaps now is the moment.
11:30Well, I've had a few.
11:33Now, I've always looked upon you, George, as, well, useless.
11:39Lazy, incapable of work, and generally shiftless.
11:44This is the compliment, is it?
11:47But you've proved me wrong, George.
11:49I mean, you've stuck to this job for two months now, and, well, I'm proud of you.
11:55Yeah.
11:58Right.
11:58Now, what was it you wanted to say to me?
12:00Oh, nothing, nothing.
12:01No, no.
12:02What, what, what, what, what's for dinner?
12:09No, no, no, don't, don't do it, Mildred.
12:14Now, they'll hang you.
12:19Morning, George.
12:21Breakfast.
12:22Oh.
12:24Oh.
12:27I thought you'd like to have it in bed for a change.
12:30Have what in bed?
12:33Breakfast.
12:35Oh, yeah.
12:37It's only seven o'clock.
12:39Well, you don't want to be late for work, George.
12:41Oh, Mildred, well, now's the time to tell you something.
12:45Well, tell me what, George?
12:46No, no, no, I'll tell you later.
12:49Hurry up, George, you're going to be late for work.
12:51All right, all right, I'm coming.
12:54Right, now, here are your sandwiches.
12:56The ones you like.
12:57Dripping and tomato.
13:00Well, uh, Mildred, there's something I should tell you.
13:03Yeah?
13:04Well, you're not going to like it.
13:06What is it, George?
13:08Well, uh, tomorrow I like cheese and pickle.
13:11I like cheese andinks.
13:12I like cheese and it's all better.
13:12Oh, yeah.
13:31There's not a big one.
13:32I like cheese-people.
13:35Look, I'll slam.
13:35You got me.
13:38I like cheese and make cheese like that.
13:45Oh, I mean, it's ridiculous.
13:46I could be staying in bed every morning.
13:49Instead of which, I have to leave the house,
13:51hang around the library, go to the park.
13:53Come round here pestering me.
13:55Come round here pestering you.
13:58Look, George, why don't you just tell her?
14:00All it takes is five little words.
14:02I have resigned.
14:04That's three.
14:06She'll provide the other two.
14:11I've got problems of my own.
14:12I mean, bills, bills, bills.
14:14I mean, I've got 40 bags of cement arriving today
14:16that want cash before the unload.
14:18Well, they've done business with you before, haven't they?
14:21Yeah, once.
14:23I mean, what happened to faith?
14:24Trust in another man's word.
14:26Well, you never had any.
14:27Well, I didn't, but they did.
14:29I used to cash checks with Flo at the sweet shop.
14:32She won't do it any more.
14:37Hey, Gerry.
14:38You've got a cash flow problem.
14:46Very droll, yeah.
14:48I'm sorry, I can't help you, Gerry.
14:51I mean, this little lot's got to last me.
14:54What little lot's that, George?
14:55Oh, it came in the post this morning, you know,
14:57a week in hand, a bit holiday paid.
14:58I mean, does it come to taking a figure out of mid-air?
15:04£72.49 a say?
15:06Oh, yeah.
15:07It's way over.
15:08Oh, no, Gerry, no, I can't lend it to you.
15:10Yeah, Mildred will kill me.
15:11Well, she'll kill you anyway, so we don't need money.
15:15No, I'm sorry, Gerry, sorry.
15:16No, you're right.
15:17Absolutely right.
15:18Friendship is more important than money.
15:24Play poker at all, do you, Gerry?
15:32Hello?
15:34Senior Traffic Warden APW Higson here.
15:38Oh, Mr Higson.
15:39Oh, I've heard so much about you.
15:42This is Mildred Roper, my husband's wife.
15:49Charm, may I speak to Mr Roper, please?
15:52Er, he's not here.
15:55Oh, well, the point is, madam, it has come to my attention
15:58that he has not handed in his uniform.
16:02Pardon?
16:04Resigned?
16:04Mm.
16:05Last week, so he says, but...
16:07I mean, he's been going out every morning.
16:09Oh, dear.
16:10That could explain it.
16:11What?
16:12Well, I saw him in the library yesterday.
16:14He was reading a book on self-defence.
16:16He'll need it.
16:19Go on.
16:20Go on, tell your mother.
16:22Tell her what you've just done.
16:23Hello, Mrs Roper.
16:24I kicked my foot by, it hit his new car.
16:27Oh, OK.
16:28I'll get the oil and oil, you get the thumbscrews.
16:31Anne, I am trying to be reasonable.
16:33And failing.
16:34Did it dent it?
16:36I don't think so.
16:39Oh, yes.
16:40I'll have to park it in the garage.
16:42On top of the other one, if necessary.
16:45I see the knight.
16:46He didn't take his mind off it, then.
16:53Huh?
16:54I don't suppose you want to raise the limit, do you, George?
16:57No, no.
16:58Right, I'll open for the hapenny again, then.
17:05No, that's too rich for me, Jerry.
17:08Two hours we've been playing now, George, and I'm up, oh, six and a halfp.
17:14Yeah, well, you're on a lucky street.
17:17Johnny!
17:22Trains, world, intercontinental, plumbers and decorators.
17:25Speaking.
17:28But 40 bags of cement for you, where do you want them?
17:30Yeah, well, just find a clear place in the yard, will you?
17:32There ain't one.
17:34It says here, you've got to pay before I unload.
17:37Uh-huh.
17:37Yeah.
17:38Well, here's, uh, six and a halfp.
17:42Well, that won't cover me.
17:44No, no, you go and get a cup of tea.
17:45Give me ten minutes, I'll have the money for you when you come back, right?
17:51George.
17:53Oh, Pat.
17:54Oh, Fred.
17:54No, no, Jerry, I'm sorry, I can't lend it to you.
17:57I don't want you to lend it to me.
17:58I wouldn't ask you to lend it to me, even if you insisted.
18:01I want you to give it to me.
18:03Right?
18:04Yeah, no, George, I'm going to make you an offer
18:06that you can't refuse.
18:08Do sit down, Mrs. Orpher.
18:10Oh, thank you.
18:13Oh, it's ever so nice of you to see me at such short notice.
18:17Oh, I must say, I was expecting an older man.
18:22With all the responsibilities you have.
18:24Well, I shan't see 30 again.
18:27Oh, incredible.
18:33Well, ladies and gentlemen, what can I do for you, Mrs. Orpher?
18:37Oh, please.
18:38Mildred.
18:39Oh, I feel I know you.
18:41You know, with George, always singing your praises.
18:44Really?
18:45Oh, yes.
18:46Oh, he looked up to you, Mr. Higson.
18:48He would...
18:49Oh.
18:50Oh, it seems so formal, you know.
18:52Mr. Higson.
18:54Oh, well, Arnold.
18:58Oh.
18:59Arnold.
19:00Oh, it's such a strong masculine name.
19:03It suits you.
19:05Oh, yes.
19:06Well...
19:07Oh, no, no, no.
19:07I mustn't go on.
19:09I mean, you think I'm flattering you.
19:11Oh, no, no, no, no.
19:13You must speak as you find, Mrs. Orpher.
19:18Mildred.
19:18Oh, Mildred.
19:22In what way can I be of service to you?
19:24Well, it's just about my husband's foolish mistake.
19:27Which one?
19:28There were so many.
19:30You know, his silly little resignation.
19:33Oh, that, yes.
19:34Oh, he bitterly regrets it, Arnold.
19:36Does he?
19:37Oh, he will.
19:38Oh, he does, yes.
19:40Yes.
19:41I mean, he said to me only this morning, he said, uh, Mildred, he said,
19:45I have lost my guide and my mentor through my own foolishness.
19:50Did he say that?
19:54Oh, well...
20:18You are coming in with me to explain the situation to Mildred.
20:22Oh, yeah, yeah.
20:24I'm looking forward to it, George.
20:26So, where do you want me to stack this, sir, men?
20:28Oh, er, in my garage, round the back, number two.
20:32Yeah, well, quite an occasion, this, really, isn't it?
20:36Bit of a millstone in my life.
20:39Cheers.
20:47Oh, come on in, Gerry.
20:49Come on, all the way.
20:51No.
20:54Well, er, I'm not worried.
20:57I mean, er, well, Mildred would be delighted the way things have turned out.
21:00Absolutely.
21:01So you won't need me, actually.
21:02No, no, no, Gerry, no.
21:04No, it's best if we both tell her.
21:06I'll tell you what, I'll prepare the ground and you follow me in.
21:09Through.
21:12Er, er, er, hello, Mildred.
21:14Hello, George.
21:15Have a good day at work.
21:18Er, yeah, er, no.
21:20To see Mr. Hickson during your day's work.
21:22No, yeah, no.
21:24Oh, I did.
21:26Oh, good.
21:27Er, look, Mildred, I've got something to check.
21:29You did?
21:31Oh, we had quite a long talk, Arnold and I.
21:35Did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did my name come up at
21:41all?
21:42Hmm.
21:42Oh, then, you know, I resigned.
21:44Oh, no, you didn't.
21:45Oh, yes, I did.
21:46Oh, no, you didn't.
21:48He's agreed to change his mind.
21:50But, how?
21:52Well, George, I made it on with a trial.
21:54I mean, it's a pushover for a pretty face.
21:59You start on Monday.
22:01Oh, no, Mildred, no, I can't, you see, because I've got...
22:04Jerry!
22:08Mrs. R, he's still there.
22:11That flash of youth on the gossamer cheeks.
22:13Slayn you up!
22:18He's got something to tell you.
22:20Well, we've both got something to tell you.
22:22Why can't he start on Monday?
22:24You tell her, George.
22:25No, no, no, you tell her.
22:27George has brought his way into my business,
22:30shrewdly bargaining for the position of...
22:32What was it again, George?
22:33Assistant Managing Director.
22:34Yeah, yeah, there you are.
22:36There's his name on the letterhead in.
22:38It's in pencil?
22:40Yeah, purely temporary, Mrs. R.
22:41You see, I needed a man with drive and ambition and...
22:44And 72 quid.
22:45And 72 quid, and flair.
22:47He will be participating in executive decisions.
22:50Steering the ship of industry.
22:51And making a tea.
22:52Yeah, that very important part of the job, that tea, George.
22:55Yeah, hey, and I'll get half the profits.
22:56Ah, who's keeping the books?
22:58Well, he is.
22:59Oh, you fool!
23:00He's using you as a dog's body.
23:02Ah, no, no, no.
23:03Be fair, Mrs. R.
23:05Assistant Managing Dog's Body.
23:08Give him his money back.
23:09I can't do that.
23:10He's spent on 40 bags of cement.
23:13Yeah, and I said they could put them in our garage.
23:16What?
23:20George, really, you are not storing our fat friends' rubbish in our garage.
23:24Why not?
23:25Because I've told Mr. Fulmile he can use it for his second car.
23:28I mean, it's the least...
23:30Mr. Fulmile!
23:31Mr. Fulmile!
23:56You're going to need a man with glasses, would you?
24:00Stuart, you're going to need me. I can't do that.
24:06I'm going to need a
24:08man with glasses. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers.
24:15Cheers.
24:15favorites. Cheers.
24:17Cheers.
24:19Cheers.
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